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“I’m telling you Rob, Wendy wasn’t the one.” Steve hammered with the certainty of a twenty something about his love goal. Which of course sounded more resolute and fateful than it should be in this mouth. “I mean sex was great, but the moment I brought up an actual date she had some family business in Illinois?”
He pushed his cart down the horror section to display their new acquisitions, only drifting from his task to see why his best friend hadn’t expressed her undying support.
“Illinois, Robin!”
Robin hummed from two alleys down, visibly more concerned with a table full of red cardboard hearts and the romance movies she had yet to decide to put in between.
She got hit by an unnecessary bitter candy bar for her lack of attention. “Are you even listening to me?” Steve continued with a pout.
“No, I tuned you out half an hour ago.” Robin returned knowing it would piss him off. She earned a second candy thrown at her and made a face at her loveless partner in crime.
“Oh, come on! It’s always the same these days, I thought you’d get the drill by now. You get a million girls to throw themselves at you and for whatever reason it never sticks.”
Gathering her loot, Robin slid behind the counter and set the candies back in their box while Steve took two tapes from their shortlist for the Valentine’s Day display.
“Now that’s a hopeful pitch, thank you very much.”
She rolled her eyes, resisting a sigh. He felt a long rant coming and at this point he would take anything that she’d give him because he was pretty desperate, and the mid-February craze was not helping. Like not at all.
“My point is,” Robin started, armed with a labeling machine and a serious business look. “We have this conversation every week–”
“Not every week.” Steve cut her to be immediately stamped with a price tag on his forehead.
“Every. Week. God, I thought I’d be the annoying one when I had the hoots for Christine Hoggart last Spring, but you beat me ten times! I even considered bringing back the board but out of– total respect for your dignity, and uh… maybe totally not because Christine is back and she’s single again, I won’t do it. But please, please consider in that pretty head of yours that I’m only one person, and you got so much going in the dating department it’s hard to keep track you know?”
She paused in her labeling a moment, holding up her machine when she glanced in his direction. “I know you want to find the one and everything. I wish you do someday but… have you ever thought you should stop trying so hard?”
Although Steve somehow expected something along those lines, Robin’s suggestion came out as surprising. The idea had crossed his mind, so briefly it barely stayed. Maybe Robin was right. Maybe he’d kept pushing luck so much that he ran out of it long ago. But the thought that this was all there is for him just wouldn’t settle.
“I can’t Rob.” He brushed his hair back, adamant, or stubborn depending on where you stand. “What if she’s out there I just miss her?”
The bell to the video store chimed and triggered a second greeting in stereo. Just as mechanical but more worn out by the number of times they rang today, both Steve and Robin chanted before they lifted their eyes up their work:
“Welcome to Famil–”
They met the pretty face of a blonde girl in leopard print tights at the same time. Unfortunately, Steve’s tape cart found itself in Robin’s way before she could make her move.
She flipped him the bird with all her love and affection to which he answered a falsely innocent shrug.
“Welcome to Family Video!” Steve slipped close to the specimen with the boldness of a seasoned adventurer. “Where you can rent a room with a view, private dance lessons or Navy pilots.”
Throughout his list, Steve nimbly fetched said tapes from their Movie Lovers’ table.
“I’m Steve.” He cracked a charming smile to the blonde’s attention. “Harrington.”
“Let me guess.” She replied, unphased, when she took Top Gun off his arms. “You’re for rent too?”
Her bubblegum popped between her glossy lips as sharp as her tone was when she nodded at the price tag still stuck on Steve’s forehead. He rubbed it off quickly while the blonde was already walking away.
“Do you have something more like… Ferris Bueller’s Day Off? My friends love Matthew Broderick.”
Down the main aisle, unseen in broad daylight, a young black girl didn’t miss a thing of this car crash. She twisted her mouth as if her candy corns suddenly turned sour.
She flicked one of the minis off the top of the counter she had set them on, and it faded out of existence without a sound.
“This is hopeless.” Erica fumed out loud without any of the retail workers or client noticing her.
One of the perks from being of a mythological nature was this very useful ethereal state that she could take among the mortals if she chose so. It helped her match-making disasters go unnoticed sometimes. Saved for the times another cupid decided he had nothing better to do that day but to witness another one of her critical failures.
“My my, he’s a real keeper.”
Miles away from Erica’s ordinary-looking outfit, Eddie leaned his ripped jeans and shredded jacket against the counter. This hadn’t been the worst era they went through fashion wise. However, it had been eons Eddie had tried to blend in within the humans.
His wings fluttered lightly when he snatched some of her candies to watch the rest of the show. Not hiding his enjoyment at Steve’s discomfiture while he attended to another customer that will definitely not take his number.
“If you’re only here to make fun of me, make it quick Ed. I’m busy.”
Eddie held up his hands full of colorful corns, a grin spreading mischievously on his face.
“Hey, easy! I’m not trying to ruffle your feathers here.”
The way Erica had only half-heartedly raised him made Eddie swallow his next quip. A decade ago, she would have banter back and they’ll be on their way to turn plenty of other heads already.
He glared at the miniature with perfectly styled hair on the counter like it was responsible for this. Each cupid had their favorite tool to craft a match. But Erica would still make matches with her dolls if they hadn’t met. To see her focus on a single player in their game was getting on Eddie’s nerves.
“Listen, I get it. Your first true match was this guy and his high school sweetheart. I’m sorry it didn’t work out.” He sat down on the counter. His ethereal butt a little too close to Erica’s toys than she liked.
“I am.” Eddie assured under her glare. “But then you put her in his life!”
The heavy rings at his hand brushed past Robin while she began working on the computer to review the late rents. Her mouth twisted in concentration, oblivious to the cupids at her side.
“Come on, this is the greatest mistake you’ve ever made! I’m sure you could find other humans out there made for each other in the way these two are.”
That a self-absorbed jock like the one down the action movie aisle and this lonely band dweeb found a soulmate in each other had amazed Eddie enough to keep him quiet the last two years. Now, he was done with it.
“Why is platonic love not good enough for the higher ups anyway?” He leaned in Erica’s space as if she knew it herself. “Romance is a big trap, I’m telling you. It’s an old-time concept, enforced by bigot cupids–”
“Well, I’m not asking you, am I?” Erica cut short his thoughts on cupids’ love enforcement.
She heard them time and time again. Saw Eddie step down to be a herald for outcasts and loveless ones against what had been planned for him.
“Ow.” Eddie placed a dramatic hand on his heart. “You’re breaking my heart.”
“Get over it.”
Erica’s frown deepened as she returned to her minis. Something was brewing behind her calculating eyes and intrigued Eddie enough to let her spill it.
“His love for Robin is unmatched. I would let him be if… if he stopped waiting for love. I know what you’re gonna say, humans yearn for love constantly, but Eddie, this mortal– he believes in romantic love harder than anyone I’ve ever seen!”
A ruckus brought their attention to Steve, who was in the process of heroically holding too many tapes at once for the pretty blonde.
“This guy?” Eddie snorted.
Erica slapped his knee away from her miniatures and whipped him back to the point she was making.
“Harder than you and me Ed!”
“A rock would believe in romantic love harder than me.” Eddie counters. He couldn’t say the same for Erica, but his case was close. Speaking of facts, “And this human isn’t worth it.”
Eddie snatched Steve’s mini from the countertop under Erica’s loud protest. She thought herself so clear-sighted about him, she was blind to the rest of him.
“Oh, he’s a pretty one.” The long-haired cupid grinned. “And rich. And popular.”
“Give it back!”
He held the mini jock up high, out of Erica’s reach as he went on in a sing-song voice. “He’s whiny, attention-seeking, probably thinks he’s owed some big love match! He doesn’t even see what others do for him! Let it go dude!”
Steve’s many flaws poured out of Eddie so naturally, he let Erica grab her mini back in an pissed off flap of her wings. This human had too many blessings for him even cupids were forgetful of the curse he actually was; Eddie could feel his finger itching to put it into a tune.
He materializes his heart shaped guitar in between his eager hands. Her neck perfectly resting in his palm, her body red and slick against his hip. Oh, Eddie felt more himself already.
“If you sing about it, I swear to the Gods–”
But Eddie did not wait for her disapproval to start plucking the strings. The rush of inspiration at his fingertips was exhilarating. Beyond pestering Erica until she kicked him out of the video store with one of her:
“Don’t you have better things to do with this?”
Eddie ran his knuckles on the smooth curve of his guitar. Yes, he had things to do.
The drive to Illinois was short thanks to the radio. Gods forbid he fly up to there, this wasn’t the kind of torture that had his favor. Metallica blasted loud and roared in the deserted courtyard where he screeched his van to a halt.
Eddie jumped down in the cloud of dust he rose, and rushed to his destination. Although he had good company during the trip, he became increasingly itchy the closer he got to his prize.
He rang at least six times, leg jumping when he finally let go of the bell and lifted his chin up to the rusty camera above him.
“Murray! Open up, it’s Eddie.”
The device creaked down to him and paused, long enough that Eddie raised his arms up in annoyance.
Eventually the locks began to click open and the nervous cupid all but shouldered his way in, eyes searching the messy interior before he was invited to.
“I need my pick. Where is it?”
Murray finished tying his robe over whatever leisurewear he deemed fit for no one to see that day; then proceeded to lock the door all over again.
“Well, good day to you too, fellow cupid.” He greeted Eddie on the opposite of what you expected a cherub to sound like. “Please have a seat, it’s been what… ten years?”
Eddie snorted from the depth of a drawer that he soon left for a high shelf.
“Twelve at the very least, and certainly not because of me.”
He rummaged through relics and trinkets, ages of artifacts that long lost their meanings and human technologies Murray was so fond of. Eddie was not the only one who grew tired of their executive over the ages. But to keep match-making freelance once you openly left the bosom of the Gods was to be done off records.
“You still have those cameras at your front door?”
“Do you know that our wings can’t be seen on tape?” Murray retorted instead of an answer. “Like seeing through humans’ eyes.”
Well, human eyes certainly weren’t gonna help him here. Eddie abandoned the shelf, frustratingly empty handed, to turn the next one upside down.
“Can you– not?”
Murray didn’t pretend to stop him before he dragged his visibly tired wings to the kitchen.
“I thought you found your calling with the loveless ones?” He came back to the ransack of his living room and sat down in a comfy armchair with two beers in hand. “Bring them a… sense of community or whatever.”
He cautiously waved his bottle in Eddie’s direction.
“So, why do you suddenly need your precious guitar pick? You can’t play right for your lost little sheep anymore?” Murray took a swig.
“The nerds are nerding fine.” Eddie sighed.
Murray waited until Eddie shook his head and sat down on the coffee table. He ran a jittery hand on the back of his neck, wings low, before he grabbed the beer left out for him.
“It’s about Erica–”
“Ah! How is the little firecracker?”
“Full of spirit! And completely obsessed with a mortal.”
Murray nodded slowly with a voiceless ‘oh’, annoyingly sarcastic on his bearded face.
“And this mortal, he is…?”
“A thorn in my side!” Eddie stood up to walk his restless energy around the mess he made. Hands flying off the handle. “He’s so full of himself cause he’s good looking, of course! Everything was handed to him on a silver platter, and he still finds a way to whine constantly about how there’s more out there for him. He’s insufferable and I– I didn’t say he. How do you know it’s a he?”
Eddie pointed an accusatory finger at the other cupid.
“It’s always about a boy.” Murray didn’t elaborate but his smug little air said volumes. Eddie didn’t like what he read there.
“It’s about a self-centered, privileged, obnoxious boy,” Eddie clarified, “and everyone needs to see him in his true light, alright?”
“Oh, and which song of yours is gonna accomplish this miracle?”
“A self-love song.” And that was all the human deserved, to fall in love with himself for his arrogance. “Which is why I need my pick for.”
Eddie cracked his beer open with one of his rings, the noise drowned by a wheezing laugh coming from Murray.
“I don’t know which one is the funniest between you trying to prove Erica that she’s wrong or you writing about self-love.”
Eddie ignored his twinge of compassion for Erica at the thought that he might sound like that when he was riling her. But Eddie was hellbent on getting his instrument complete. He couldn’t create any love song worthy of its name without it, just like Murray couldn’t mix any love potion without his vials.
Murray’s laughter faded as he twirled his bottle at the end of his limp wrist. His gesture would have looked nonchalant to anyone unaware of Murray’s love craft.
“A word of advice before you throw it back to me on a drunken whim.” He leaned forwards. “As powerful as our tools may feel, we can only help reveal what is already there.”
Eddie scoffed probably the exact same smug scoff he had on the trainee seminar. He needed no reminder that neither his songs nor Murray’s drinks and mixes could create love.
“That’s exactly what I’m gonna do.” He assured before another swig of beer. “Push him in the right direction.”
Eddie was about to put his bottle down on the nearest surface when a coaster almost hit him in the face. There was no protest or quip coming to him when he caught it, only the compelling urge to not let go of it. When he looked at his catch, his see through coaster held a familiar plectrum in the same vibrant red as his heart shaped guitar.
He glared back at Murray, one dubious eyebrow disappearing under his fringe.
“Really? That’s where you kept it?”
“Which is more of a use than you put it to.” Murray opened his hands wide to his ungrateful guest.
Tucking his bottle between his arm and his chest, Eddie snapped the coaster open and let his pick slide in his palm. It seemed to have always belonged here.
Time to put this old thing back in business.
His trip to Murray’s proved more than fruitful. Eddie almost flew the last miles to his home in order to start composing. The chords poured out of him almost immediately, he had a chorus not an hour in. He fitted temporary lyrics over it to get going.
It was exhilarating. Eddie had forgotten how creation felt through his fingertips. Overflowing inspiration. He should have never separated his tools. The spell was working stronger than ever!
Or so he thought until the night came. For some reason the first verse wasn’t so easy to get out. The moment Eddie tried to come up with a structure he felt… stuck. The drop from his earlier high was especially hard. To go around in circles only enforced the impression of taking a step back. Several steps back Eddie could not see a way out of.
By the time the sun rose, Eddie hated about everything he wrote so far. It had been so easy then. What the hells happened?
He threw and kicked around in about everything in his room that could suffer his frustration until he clutched the neck of his guitar and thought twice. Actually, he would think better with a smoke.
The view from the stairs of his trailer was pretty sweet in the mornings. Not as soothing as the cigarette for Eddie’s nerves but it wasn’t doing harm either. The song was there, Eddie could feel it. Right between the mortal’s expectations for love and his high esteem of himself. Each new smoke Eddie was lighting had his name burning closer and closer to his lips.
Steve Harrington … Why won’t you come out now?
In the end, Eddie did what he always did when the spell was running dry:
- Wallowed in self pity for a few days.
- Went back to the source material.
He found the reason for his writing block having the time of his life on a dancefloor in Indianapolis. Shaking his sweaty mane before he took his two left feet best friend for a spin. Robin’s laughter was covered by the ear scratching pop music. What she found in him escaped Eddie again. All he had to do was look at him and his drink tasted sour from tight fitting t-shirt and hugging jeans.
What a poser!
“Who?”
Eddie jolted, unused to be seen in places he didn’t go to willingly. He ought to be careful not to think aloud in this state. He leaned towards the round-faced man who approached him, all emboldened by the bar they were in to check the cupid up and down. For his own ego, Eddie let him before he yelled over the music.
“See that dude over there?” He went as far as catching the man’s chin and turning him in Steve’s direction. “He’s my next target.”
Any disappointment the man felt at Eddie being taken was doubled by the sight of Steve swaying his ass between the dancers. It was clear how much this mortal was a menace for both women and men. Eddie had to intervene before he broke too many hearts.
He decided that saving the stranger would do for tonight. Eddie clinked their glasses against each other, strong enough to spill some on the man’s shirt. He didn’t need to see the bartender coming to his rescue with a towel, feeling in his mythical bones that the person behind the bar liked them sticky and sweet.
He leaned back on his elbows, waiting for the song to finish and the empty space by his side to attract the two thirsty best friends. If Eddie was right about Steve, he wouldn’t need to even glance at him to–
“Sorry man.”
He nudged Eddie’s elbow out of his way to the first bottle of liquor he got his hands on. Without the bartender Eddie sent on his merry way for… probably ten minutes, Steve poured himself and Robin a couple of shots and left a few bucks on the counter.
With the disagreeable impression that he turned invisible again, Eddie grumbled at the edge of his glass while the humans clicked theirs.
“This place is so rad!” Robin grinned, her mouth wet with alcohol. “I can’t believe you drove us here!”
“You mean after you spoke about it non-stop for a month?” Steve snickered back.
She shoved him playfully, rocking her friend in Eddie’s stool without Steve paying any more attention to the cupid.
“You have no idea how good it feels not to be checked out by every guy around!”
“I know! They’re checking me out!”
They took another shot that certainly wouldn’t drown all this bragging. At least it comforted Eddie in his chorus. He’d seized the chore of Steve’s behavior, but he lacked what was underneath this everyone-wants-a-piece-of-me crust. Unfortunately Eddie learnt nothing of use between what is obviously a jock trying to clean up his high school act. There was obviously a bisexual awakening waiting for him at the corner of this gay bar where he drove his best friend to. Robin set off for the bathroom before they went back dancing and Eddie resolved to take the matter into his own hands.
“You’ve got lighter?”
When Steve finally acknowledged Eddie’s presence, the human remained speechless for a moment. Then a smirk found its way at the corner of his mouth, his tongue darting at the place an unlit cigarette was hanging at Eddie’s.
“With some luck…”
Steve half stepped down the stool to search his pocket, his hip almost bumping at Eddie’s knee. He produced the precious item with so much pride he fitted right in the place they were in.
“That’s my luck,” Eddie returned, with a smirk of his own.
He filled ‘serviceable’ into his key words list for Steve’s song when the human leaned in with a cupped hand to light his cigarette. No, Eddie thought as the smoke filled his immortal lungs, that wasn’t the right term.
In fact, it bothered him throughout their whole conversation and every lame joke Steve threw his way. But it wasn’t until Eddie actually laughed at one of them that a divine inspiration struck him. Steve didn’t believe in love as much as he wanted to be loved. Desperately.
It was all there in Steve’s blush at the attention he was given. The way his eyes found Eddie’s every time the cupid spared him a glance. How sharing Eddie’s cigarette brought them closer and Steve didn’t move away until he spotted Robin on the dancefloor again, her arms wrapped around another girl’s waist.
“God, I miss that…”
“A waist to hold?” Eddie leveled his longing sigh at Steve.
“Yeah– I mean no! It’s uh–” Steve opened his hand at the crowd, saved for two fingers who were holding their smoke. “Having someone I can do this with. I really miss it.”
“Pick someone and do it then.”
The answer was so obvious it blurted out of Eddie like the simplest of truths. As much as some cupids loooved a slow burning romance, Eddie was not one of them. Humans ought to live a little sometimes.
“You’re right.” Steve smiled at him, a smile that turned Eddie’s stomach upside down.
This unexpected feeling in a body not meant for such was foreign, unsettling. Steve stubbed the cigarette out and jumped down his stool to join the crowd. He mingled with queers of all kinds and surely Erica had to broaden her panel if she wanted to ever find this guy a match.
His unfinished song, however, dragged Eddie out instead of in the human crowd. He floated to his home, the nauseous feeling from earlier sparking his excitement back to life. And here he was with his guitar in hand again. Composing till the next day.
Eddie put everything he learnt, leaned at the bar. He wrote about Steve’s desire for love in words never used for him before. He tapped a beat that kept thrumming through his foot hours after hours. It was heady. Unescapable.
Eddie poured Steve’s insecurities, his fear to come back to who he was. He played and played his love for Robin, his soulmate who he didn’t have to act for. He sang how, still, Steve acted tough to carry others’ burdens. How they needed him to be strong to the point he saw no other value to himself than to go on the front line and take the hit.
The more Eddie let the song flow through him the harder it was to think about anything else. Taking care of this body was meaningless. Everything else had lost its taste. All he felt, all he breathed was Steve. To the point he dismissed Erica when she swung by his home. Even in her worst days trying to find Steve a match, she’d never missed one of their sessions. For Eddie to forget a D&D game with his pack of nerds was worrying at the very least.
With her legendary tact, she said he looked like shit and, like always, she was right. The song was finished and yet Eddie was plagued with doubt. He kept editing it, cutting it and rearranging it only to go back to his first draft after he shooed Erica away from his doorstep.
He recorded the song and played it on repeat until his headphones gave him a headache. In the end, Eddie could only resign himself to the fact that this draft will stay a draft as long as he kept playing it for his own ears. Reluctantly, the cupid left his den, hating how the simple thought of sharing this love song repulsed him. Should it have been up to him, Eddie would have kept it and the man it held all to himself. But it was never going to fulfill its original purpose between Eddie’s four walls.
The only way to achieve that before he changed his mind was to crash a date.
Steve has never been hard to find the previous times. This time however Eddie seemed acutely aware of where to find him. The cupid tried to convince himself that there weren’t many places in this small town where a fool for love would take a girl. The terrible truth was that Eddie wanted to put an end to their little night out the moment he saw Steve at this restaurant table with a pretty brunette.
Following his instinct, Eddie took the stage door and bargained for a place in the band that was to play tonight. The heart shaped instrument sealed the deal. It was Valentine’s Day after all.
The celebration of romantic love was never in Eddie’s top holidays. In fact, he usually planned this day ahead so he would avoid the crowd of nervous cupids trying to secure a match on this single day like it was a goddamn race.
Sometimes love took time to earn its name. It took work and dedication, and when around dessert Eddie finally had the chance to play his latest creation, he was sweating nervously. He had no care for all the couples he made fall heads over heels over the last hours. This night mattered only for one pair of ears.
There was a shift in the room when Eddie began to play. The first notes were not an ode where two became one. It was the song of a single being.
Gods help him, Steve met his gaze the moment Eddie looked for his, and for the first time in his long life he prayed that his words would be heard. His fingertips burned at the places he put them for him, again and again. His voice turned hoarse by Steve’s kindness and loyalty. Eddie had never been afraid to perform before tonight, and yet he was terrified that he completely fantasized the Steve he was singing about.
His guitar whined one long final chord and the room erupted in applause. Steve the loudest among them. Eddie was panting heavily but he saw his blissful release in the human’s whistle. Soon, he’d be free of him, and Steve would be his own problem.
Eddie was the happiest of cupids that night. When he crashed home, he slept till noon and woke up with the memory of Steve’s grin engraved in his heart. Among all the beings that roamed this Earth he should have known better but to keep smiling at the thought of Steve. However, Eddie, being true to himself, drove to the video store to watch his triumph.
He strode in confidently, visible to the humans’ eyes, and interrupted a gift delivery. A lunchbox that the brunette from last night delivered to Steve as if her date never discovered a new sense of self-esteem.
“I’ll see you later.” Steve promised without an ounce of lie in his voice and with five little words burst Eddie’s bubble.
His wings felt like lead, pinning him down behind a row of video tapes.
The thought took forever to take shape.
Then finally–
It didn’t work.
Eddie cursed every god he remembered the name of. Why wasn’t Steve overflowing with love for himself right now? What went wrong?
He turned and turned the song in his head, gnawing at his fingernails. Eddie’s heart refused to slow down. Its beat a familiar rhythm. He would know, he played this song too many times to forget–
No…
Eddie ran away as far as his wings could take him. Where he landed, Eddie fell on his knees, his forehead on the ground. He screamed. He pulled at his hair and writhed, but no matter how much he willed it, all he wanted to do was to go back to this goddamn video store and make the human look at him. Only him.
The song worked… but not on Steve.
Eddie laid flat on his back, contemplating what surely must be a divine punishment he earned for his hubris. He was an emissary of love. He couldn’t fall in love! It was impossible.
What was he going to do now?
First, Eddie was going to hate his whole life. Just a little. Then he dragged his useless winged carcass back in town. He never once turned invisible to humans’ eyes after that. Every chance he got to be seen by the object of his desire was good to take.
Fortunately for Eddie, Erica’s bad luck played in his favor and Steve was wallowing about his love life being cursed a few days later. Eddie had bitten down a comeback about getting in line. If anyone had been cursed here it was him. Cursed with unrequited attraction for the most insufferably perfect human. The flaws Eddie once saw in him were still very much there, but they were– how do humans put it? Part of his charm.
And charm Steve had plenty.
“I have a theory,” Eddie said to him one day as he was drawing out the choice of a movie to talk to Steve longer. “You’re much more of a nerd than you think you are.”
Steve snorted that snort Eddie wished to put in a jar and open on rainy days.
“Oh really?”
“Yeah!” Eddie goes on. “You know the names of every player in the Indiana Pacers.”
Steve nods in good faith.
“Their ranks, their stats… and you keep correcting people when they mispronounce Stipanovich.”
Eddie tripped on the team leader’s name on purpose this time, only to hear Steve scoff indignantly.
“It’s an ‘i’ not an ‘e’! Why people keep saying it wrong?”
He lifted the tapes he was tidying into heavens, only to freeze in doubt at Eddie’s statement.
“That’s not a nerd thing…”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know, people like basketball.”
Eddie made a face entirely genuine. Sports were something he put up with only for Steve’s sake. At Eddie’s open disgust, Steve considered it in a new perspective, shifting views so easily Eddie prayed more humans would be capable of the same understanding.
“Well, do go tell everybody around that I’m nerding okay?”
A threatening copy of Back to the Future jabbed Eddie in the ribs, triggering a cackle.
“I wouldn’t dare!”
Day by day Eddie pushed his way into Steve’s life. Without permission or prospect. He kept pining for him. His song revealed every aspect of his warmth and his care for others. And Eddie selfishly wanted all that to be for him.
“I think we can find better seats!” Steve yelled in Eddie’s ear in the crowd gathered for Tears for Fears.
Eddie frowned at him, pressed close to his side by the people around them. Steve’s only answer was to grab his hand and make their way through the fans. Eddie probably lost a few feathers in the fight but when Steve stopped, he grinned at the structure holding the giant amps around the stage.
Oh, they were so not allowed to be there! Eddie almost flew up there but stepped on Steve’s joined hands giddy with excitement. They perched on the first metallic bars, just high enough to get a perfect view of the musicians setting up.
“You were right!” Eddie leaned down to Steve, so close Steve held his long hair away from his face. “Best seats in the house!”
When Eddie tried to find his balance again, undecided if Steve’s hand on his calf helped or not, he noticed a white little thingy caught in the human’s hair. He picked the audacious dust ball from the beloved head, which turned out to be a feather. One of his feathers.
Eddie gulped, dread sinking deep in his stomach but then Steve shouted at the band’s entrance and all that was in Eddie’s belly were butterflies.
Later that same night, Steve helped him down and his arm found its way around Eddie’s waist. The cupid thought back to the first time they talked, and he prayed harder than his non-believer heart has ever wished for something that Steve would just take a chance on him.
Instead, they went back to Steve’s car, talking excitedly about the concert during the entire drive home.
They were more feathers on the loose in Eddie’s home than hair clogging his sink. His trusty guitar was darkening, black spots appearing as time went by. Its heart shape morphing into something sharper.
Eddie ignored all these bad omens in favor of joining Steve and Robin at the theater. He arrived early despite his desire to be fashionably late, he wouldn’t miss a second with Steve, ever. He held the door of the theater open for him and Robin walked first. Her knowing look told Eddie she figured him out a while ago. In fact, they had reached a tacit sort of peace where she was all too glad that he kept Steve distracted from the babes coming at the video store. If only Eddie was enough.
“I’m gonna get snacks,” Steve told them as soon as they were seated.
Of course, Eddie sprang up from the row behind him. “Right behind you Harrington!”
Eddie shoved the double doors open in Steve’s wake only to meet a disapproving face he had escaped far too long.
“What are you doing here Eddie?” Erica twisted her mouth, her feathers all bristled with annoyance.
His smile fading, Eddie led her away where he won’t be seen talking to himself. They found a quiet carpeted corner where Erica could yell at him to her heart’s content.
“Are you trying to sabotage me?” She erupted. “Cause it’s not funny Eddie, like at all!”
“I’m not–” Eddie looked around, spotting Steve looking for him in the line for popcorn and candies. “I was.” He confessed eventually. “But it’s not like that anymore, okay?”
She punched his arm for his aborted felony.
“Explain yourself!”
Eddie rubbed his arm, his gaze drifting back to Steve once more. He let Erica the time to judge his appearance and whatever she saw diminished her anger at him.
“What happened to your wings?”
“They’re fine! I’m fine! Can you just–”
“Bullshit! None of this is fine!” Erica stepped in his path when he attempted to flee. “Don’t make me regret the time you were constantly bothering me. Now talk to me, what’s happening?”
He almost tricked her to avoid answering her inquisitive eyes. Almost. If there was one being on this plan of existence he wouldn’t lie to it was Erica.
Where to begin…
“I wrote him a song.”
Her sharp mind was quick to identify Steve as the ‘him’ Eddie was referring to. Her gaze went from the human back to Eddie.
“A love song?”
His arms crossed, Eddie breathed in deep.
“It didn’t– it didn’t work the way it was supposed to.”
For the first time, he said the words aloud. It was both a relief and a hard pill to swallow. He paced a little, not knowing how to explain everything that had happened in this blink of their existence.
He met Erica’s expectant face. He remembered when they met. What he told her then. And what he never disclosed.
He gulped around the lump in his throat.
“Do you know what cupid I was assigned to be?” Eddie asked her. “Before I told the hierarchy to fuck off.”
The edges of his eyes were burning when he continued.
“I was the cupid of unrequited love.”
Erica’s mouth parted in shock. He could already see her cogs turning and drawing conclusions, so for the sake of this one time confession Eddie went on before she could say anything.
“I wrote countless love songs for guys who couldn’t hear a ‘no’. Ballads for girls longing to be seen by their crush.” Eddie was practically ripping his own feathers out. “So many melodies and tunes and hymns for everyone in between, the ones who knew deep in their hearts that the people they loved would never love them as they were!”
Eddie sniffed, wiping his tears with his sleeve.
“Anyway, I kinda… shot myself with my own arrow when I played for your human.”
“Shit.” Erica’s voice was small and pissed. At who? Eddie hoped not him. The hand she put on his arm almost made him an optimist.
“But cupids can’t fall in love… right?”
She searched his face for any sign that wasn’t possible, but one look at his plucked state said otherwise.
“Are you gonna die?!” Erica started to freak out.
“Fuck! That would be so uncool of me!” Eddie wiped his nose with the same wet sleeve.
His banter loosened Erica up like only Eddie was able to get to her. Although she barely shoved him away when he tousled her hair.
“It will pass.” Eddie assured her. “I’m not that good at writing songs. Promise. You’ll get all worked up about his love life sooner than you think.”
This time he escaped her, fleeing inside the theater where his heart was calling him. The thing Eddie always left out was that he was that good at writing love songs. His flock of loveless nerds kept asking for him. As long as this matter was left unresolved, everybody would be longing in their own corner.
Erica sneaked inside the dark theater, using her ability and the cupid’s blindness to the rest of the world to close in on Steve and Eddie.
“Where were you man?” Steve whispered over the beginning of the movie.
“Bathroom. Sorry.”
Eddie found his place by Steve’s side. Every tension, every nervous jitter that kept him sparkling like a live wire stopped the moment their elbows touched. He was the most at peace Erica had ever seen him.
“I got you popcorn.”
Eddie lightened up like the sky on the Fourth of July. From where Erica sat, she could smell the disgusting amount of butter Steve had put on what once was perfectly edible corn. But Eddie only liked it that way. She didn’t stay to watch them feeding each other this monstrosity. She’d seen everything she needed to see.
That night Erica painted a new mini. One she had spent endless days trying to give the right shape. And for the first time, she shaped it like a friend.
It took her less time than she thought, the creation coming to her as easy as breathing. She stayed longer contemplating what it could do than actually making it. Something so small, so fragile and yet, in all her attempts to bring love, Erica had forgotten how much power they held.
Where cupids could make a difference, it was by caring about the people they were bringing together. She wished she’d seen earlier what Eddie was doing before he got himself under his own spell.
Erica promised herself to keep that in mind when she went out the next morning. She had orchestrated more meet-cute than she could count for Steve but this one mattered the most. For this one he had to see his friend under a new light. He was almost there already. All he needed was a little push.
The small cupid found them in Steve’s garage, hunched under the open hood of the Beemer. Steve had swapped his pricey polos for one of Eddie’s band t-shirts. They were passing tools around, greased up to their elbows while Eddie shook his head to the beat of the radio.
His wings were so weak they had flattened against his back, barely visible. What couldn’t escape anyone was his bright smile as he lifted his head up. He swung a flashlight and almost hit himself in his smug face.
“Knew it! It’s the oil level.”
Steve stood up by his side, grabbing the flashlight in semi doubt.
“No way. I checked it last month.”
The rest of his mind was occupied filing every strand of hair falling from the ponytail Eddie had fastened hurriedly.
“Sure, but the graduation marks got wiped off with time. You’re lower than you think you are, Sweetheart.”
A pet name and Steve’s comeback found itself below the required level of sass to properly come out. Meanwhile Eddie fetched a dipstick to check the actual fluid level. They worked in rhythm, familiar with each other’s presence, never far away from the other. One of these peaceful scenes you’d want to linger in a little longer. For a moment there was only the clinks of tools and the radio in the background, until synth notes began to rise.
“Can you change the station?” Eddie asked without looking up from his task.
Steve paused, a dirty rag in hand.
“It’s Survivor.” He stated as if this fact settled the matter.
At that, Eddie opened his hands wide the way one wordlessly says ‘And?’.
And Steve was not about to let that go. He swung the rag over his shoulder and locked eyes with Eddie. The first tool Steve got his hand on turned into a microphone, the garage became his stage, and his audience refrained from smiling in disbelief. He caught up with the lyrics only a verse late, one heel tapping the beat.
“Now I must admit that the story’s attractive,
I’ve lost in far too many affairs,
I’ve seen all the pain that the morning can bring,
I need to prove to myself,
This is more than a crush,
Can you convince me,
It's not just a physical rush”
Steve exaggerated the sway of his hips. He shook his hair till they flew out of shape and the goof had all of Eddie’s attention. His improvised mic in one hand, Steve pointed the other at Eddie like he was a crowd of thousands.
“Is this love that I’m feelin’,
Is this love that's been keepin’ me up all night,
Is this love that I'm feelin’,
Is this love”
Eddie’s smile was cracking at the edges. The chorus Steve was mouthing all too close to what he dreamed to hear from him. Eddie held on the edge of the open car for support, too enticed and afraid to look anywhere but at Steve. His grip turned his knuckles white with the foolish hope that Steve meant those words. Why did he have to make it look so genuine when he kept singing?
“Now I’d like to know that for once in my life,
I’m sure of what tomorrow may bring,
I’ve heard all your talk,
Can I take it to heart,
Now look me straight in the eye,
‘Cause tonight is the night,
We've got to ask each other,
If the moment is right”
This time Steve had anticipated his wild headbang and already brushed his hair back in place as he sang the chorus again. Only he could put Survivor to shame while twisting and turning on stained matching sneakers. He was glowing brighter for every dimple he put on Eddie’s face. Discovering something new and amazing in each one of them. And when Eddie’s big brown eyes pleaded Steve to commit to the act or stop playing with him, Steve gently took his hand. He unclutched it from the car to lead Eddie into his steps.
“I’ve tread those mean streets,
Blind alleys where the currency of love changes hands,
All touch, no feeling,
Just another one night stand,
I need to know that there’s someone who cares,
Could you be the angel to answer my prayers”
They were dancing in Steve’s garage like only lovers danced. Without a care for how messy and uncoordinated they fall into each other’s arms.
Eddie had thawed in Steve’s hold, feeling too good to flinch at the arm that circled his waist, too comfortable in the thought that it’ll never let him go. He wanted to stay forever in the final lines Steve whispered out of sync. Softer than the radio in the breath left between Eddie and him.
“Is this love that I’m feelin’,
Is this love that’s been keepin’ me up all night,
Is this love that I’m feelin’,
Is this love”
The song kept going in the background. The first love song a human ever performed for Eddie. After he serenaded so many of them, this one hit differently. If this wasn’t love, it would break him.
But Steve’s embrace tightened.
“I wanted to do that again since Tears for Fears.”
Eddie choked on a weak laugh, struggling for actual words to come out of his sore throat.
“Am I up to your standards?” Eddie chuckled before his breath caught the closer Steve leaned towards him.
“Almost.” He whispered and stole whatever air was left in Eddie.
When he kissed Steve back, Eddie could breathe freely again. He cupped his face to better seal their lips together. He knew kissing felt good, but it never felt this overwhelming. It was never this intense that Eddie felt… alive.
Steve backed him up to the car, trusting the Beemer to keep them balanced while he dedicated himself to kiss Eddie silly. The only noise Eddie let out when his back hit the side of the car was a blissful sigh. There were no wings left to hurt behind him.
Almost a year after this first kiss, Eddie had come back to himself. Not his former self in his mythical glory. Eddie showed up to D&D nights again, his neck covered in love bites to Erica’s dismay. His undying obsession had turned into something less soul consuming and he moved on with a hand in his. This cynical edge of him had softened at Steve’s contact and the sight of them, no matter how lovesick they could get, never made Erica regret what she did.
Eddie was as revved up as he used to be. At the cost of his godly state. Slowly, he forgot about having been a cupid. The ages he already lived through faded away from his memory. And his existence shortened to the span of one human life.
None of the higher cupids dared to come at him when Erica stood her ground. She had made a successful love match, fair and square, and by their antic rules Eddie had every right to enjoy it. She even accepted a promotion disguised as a reward for her dedication. When in reality they were all too glad to get rid of him. Erica swore that she was going to shake things up up-there.
Down in the mortal realm, Eddie kept forgetting but not about Erica. She made her own place in his life and watched him grow older than she ever knew him. There weren’t wrinkles or white hair for her to tease him about yet, but she looked forward to that.
“That’s it for tonight!”
Eddie closed his DM screen under the protest of his pack, Erica the loudest among them.
“But we were about to enter the dungeon!”
“Which you’ll have an entire session to explore next time.” Eddie settled.
The guys left, happy to have him back in the chair and looking forward to the rest of his campaign. Yet, Erica lingered behind.
“Do you know what day it is?” He added for her ears only.
“Tuesday?”
“February 14th.” Eddie cocked his head to the side. “And if I don’t treat my boyfriend right on this very special day, I’ll take it upon myself to sleep on the couch.”
Moderate as always. Eddie packed up, completely oblivious to the very committed Steve waiting for him outside. Erica could feel him radiating love all the way from here. He had waited for Eddie long before he knew who he was. When so many others wanted Eddie out of the picture, Steve had never stopped looking for him.
As they walked out, Erica wondered who between the two of them truly bewitched the other in the end.
For Eddie fell first, but Steve fell harder.