Chapter Text
All relationships had their ups and downs, especially in the early months, but Reigen was beginning to think he and Katsuya had skipped all those in their first couple years of just knowing each other. They understood each other’s flaws and strengths and weaknesses pretty well.
At least, that was what he thought until he realized he’d avoided a good majority of Katsuya’s earliest advances and personality quirks because of his own emotional constipation. It turned out one of the biggest hurdles sat within the realm of learning where their tells and boundaries were, the knowledge of which typically came about through painful mishaps.
Sometimes it was a simple matter of realizing things they hadn't discussed, like when they’d been caught kissing by Tome just after opening the office in the very beginning of dating. She’d squawked about how she “fucking knew it!” while Katsuya blushed and Reigen waved her off with a scolding for her language. Reigen had seen it as a funny little mishap, while Katsuya had spent the remainder of the shift giving him a wide berth and acting with the utmost professionalism.
After locking up and asking about it, Reigen learned that Katsuya had never been with anyone in any "out" capacity, and was afraid of the potential backlash PDA could garnish. It hadn’t been something he’d even considered, since he’d been perfectly fine being himself when they were alone. But Reigen knew all too well how easy it was to be one way in private and another in public.
“So, do you want us to keep this--” He’d gestured between them “-- a secret?”
“No!” Katsuya had lunged forward to grab his hand. “No. It’s not that-that I’m ashamed or anything. I just… It’s something I need to get used to?”
“Katsu, are you saying this for my benefit or because it’s true?” Reigen hadn’t been sure of the rushed reassurance, wanting to make know he was serious and not saying it because he thought it was what he wanted to hear. Because if Reigen were being truthful with himself, he hadn’t known where he stood on the issue of public outness, either. He’d spent so long repressing that part of himself that he’d never considered what it would mean.
He didn’t think he’d be scared to go on a date with him, or hold his hand around people, or anything like that. And he’d seen plenty of queer couples around the city, so he knew it wasn’t a huge taboo, even if many older generations still frowned upon it. So he decided he was probably fine with the idea. But then, he’d always wanted to send a silent ‘fuck you’ to his family for their narrowminded reactions, too. So maybe he had more baggage to unpack than he thought.
Katsuya at least took time to consider the question before he puffed out a breath and told Reigen that he meant what he’d said.
They’d still agreed that while at work, the relationship should remain more professional so things didn’t get complicated.
Other times, however, learning boundaries had been plain messy. Which usually meant Reigen said the wrong thing, or Katsuya accidentally did something that set him off until he was clenching his fists and trying to bite back a remark he knew he’d later regret.
The first time, it had been a month in, right after their first night spent together at Katsuya’s place. Reigen had woken in a sweat with the remnants of a nightmare already slipping from memory, but an unmistakable dread in his heart. Katsuya had his arm thrown across his neck and Reigen had, in a moment of half-asleep panic, thought he was being choked and punched the man before falling out of bed with his legs tangled in the blankets.
Katsuya had followed soon after, wide-eyed and looking for the source of danger. In the darkness, his power-flooded eyes had glinted red and Reigen hadn’t reacted well.
Being restrained by psychic powers until he stopped flailing had woken him up fully, but had the opposite of a calming effect. He screamed at Katsuya to release him and scrambled off the floor to press himself against the wall.
Katsuya had kept shushing him, hands out and asking what was wrong, what happened, told Reigen to talk to him and hadn’t listened when Reigen told him to stop talking. And Reigen had exploded and told him that if he ever touched him with his powers like that again, he would seriously need to rethink their relationship. He hadn’t meant it, of course he hadn’t, but seeing the terrible fear written on Katsuya’s face had been enough to make an uncomfortable weight settle on his shoulders.
Once he’d calmed down, Reigen had haltingly explained that he was sorry for hanging them on the chopping block, that it had only been a ploy for control, and he hadn't meant it at all. Which led to him explaining how Mogami used his powers to hold onto him sometimes, and he wasn’t as over that as he liked to think.
Katsuya had apologized for using his powers without thinking, the reaction still an instinct left over from Claw. They came to the agreement that in the event of a nightmare like that again, if Reigen got violent and restraint was necessary, no auras would touch him. If Katsuya was able to calm him before a freakout, that was also acceptable. Meanwhile, he would work on not using threats as a means of making himself feel better.
Reigen still hadn’t been able to fall back to sleep that night.
He knew it had to be difficult, dating someone like him, who chose to throw himself into the psychic life despite his heavy trauma with it, and then got upset when that world triggered him. He knew he was a frustrating person when his defense mechanisms were lies and deflection and attacking others to keep attention off of himself. It made open communication harder than it needed to be most days. He was getting better at it, but was still nowhere near where he wanted. Not where Katsuya deserved, and Reigen was determined to be someone Katsuya deserved. Be the person everyone kept insisting he was.
But then there were the days when Katsuya was the one going through a bout of anxiety and Reigen handled it poorly, like the day he’d gotten a call at the office from Katsuya’s mother and offered it to him without letting him know who was on the other line.
That… had not been a fun conversation afterward.
He’d learned that while they were repairing the strain of his avoidance and her fear of his powers, Katsuya’s relationship with his mother wasn’t anywhere near what he wanted, and he didn’t appreciate random calls in the middle of work - ambushes put him into a state of heightened emotion.
Reigen promised to give him advance notice and the option to turn down calls like that in the future and tucked the information about ‘ambushes’ away for later reference.
So maybe their relationship wasn’t going as smoothly as he liked to think, but it wasn’t going badly, either. Most days they worked and then went to one of their apartments to watch movies or play video games and then end up chatting for hours before passing out. Sometimes it ended in a makeout session, and other times they were too tired to do much more than eat dinner before someone went home. Some days, when one of their anxieties were flaring up, they kept the office closed and just laid in bed doing nothing. When Katsuya tried retreating into himself on bad days, Reigen chased after him. When Reigen tried pushing him away in some attempt to punish himself with isolation, Katsuya forced him to communicate what was wrong. Sometimes it helped, and other times it meant Reigen called Amane for a short session.
Occasionally Reigen stayed the night with Katsuya, but they had both been a bit wary of that after Reigen’s freakout, even months after the fact.
It wasn’t that he was afraid of having nightmares in front of Katsuya, or vice versa, so much as he was worried that letting Katsuya see him so vulnerable all the time would ruin some of the confident allure of his persona, make him less attractive to the man.
He mentioned as much to Dimple when the spirit accompanied them on their most recent exorcism job. They’d gotten a call about a bunch of spirits haunting an old arcade and figured bringing him along to have a snack would be fun. Plus it could help with Dimple’s recent ongoing quest to regain strength.
“Only you would worry about something like that” Dimple shook his head, flicking a booger idly at a passerby.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Seri didn’t fall for your dumb ass fake self. He loves you in spite of that.”
Dimple had a funny way of talking about his and Katsuya’s relationship. He’d never said anything against it, encouraged it on the few occasions Reigen had seen him long enough to have a conversation about his concerns, but there was always some sort of biting weight to his words. He paid it little attention, because he was still getting used to having someone in his life who casually dropped “I love yous” and meaning it, that he wasn’t about to touch whatever kept Dimple feeling at arms length some days. Still, Reigen had missed him. He wasn’t going to tell Dimple that, of course, knowing the relentless teasing it would incur. It felt like after he and Katsuya had put the official “boyfriends” label on their relationship, he’d seen less and less of the spirit. It was probably his own imagination, but Reigen couldn’t shake the feeling that his hanging out with Katsuya had left a rift in his friendship with the spirit.
He wanted to figure out how to repair it, but it was difficult when he didn’t know why it existed in the first place.
He rolled his eyes and pointed out a little wisp of ghost for Dimple to dart after and devour before getting back onto topic. “I guess, but you of all people know that it’s hard to show the ugly parts of yourself.”
“No idea what you’re talking about, actually. I’m a perfect god. I have no ugliness.” If he’d had a chest, Reigen knew Dimple would’ve been puffing it. He snorted and ignored the glared response.
“Right, of course, you’ve never done anything wrong in your life. Definitely didn’t almost get destroyed by Mob because you’re a posturing idiot. Forgive me, oh great Dimple. I’ve forgotten your divinity once again.” He offered a mock bow.
Dimple hummed and pointedly ignored the first half of that. “You’re forgiven. This time. Let it happen again and I’ll suck up your boyfriend’s energy and leave you to date a normie.”
It felt good to laugh, even if it meant the few people walking around the arcade gave him looks and wide berths. Reigen appreciated it, honestly. Most clients thought he was a people person because he was so good at conversation, but the truth was he only liked hanging out with a select few. Having Dimple there gave him an automatic bubble of protection from unwanted approaches while Serizawa was off dealing with the bigger threat in the unnaturally dark portion of the building.
“But if my boyfriend was a normie, I’d have no business. Where would that put you in your quest for ultimate godhood, if you didn’t have us finding you spirit snacks?”
“Bold of you to assume I need you for that.”
“Oh, so you’re here for some other, secret reason?” Reigen nudged him when Dimple floated close to his arm. “Could it possibly be that you like us or something?”
“You think pretty highly of your own company, don’t you?”
“I mean, I am a catch. Just ask Katsuya.”
“Yeah, he would know, wouldn’t he.”
That grumble returned and Reigen gave the spirit a side glance. He really wasn’t sure what that attitude was about and it drove him nuts that he couldn’t figure it out. He doubted Dimple would tell him if he asked, either. There were some areas where he was an open book, happy to share all kinds of weird and disturbing and personal shit, but even Dimple had secrets that Reigen wasn’t privy to.
Reigen wondered what would happen if he ever let him possess him again. If they would experience that seamless compatibility from years ago, where he could peer inside his mind and understand him just a bit better. The thought of letting him in for a deep chat and some companionship not even Katsuya could provide wasn’t a scary thought anymore. The realization hit him and he stopped walking for a second.
When had the thought of possession stopped sending his brain into an ice bath?
“Hey, Dimple--”
Before he could decide on a way to bring that up, Katsuya was walking towards them, wiping sweat from his forehead but smiling over a job completed.
Reigen caught his arm when he was within reach, and after checking over his shoulder, planted a kiss on his cheek. Katsuya beamed and asked how things were going on their end. Reigen pointed his thumb at Dimple, who was sucking up a worm-looking spirit like udon.
“Pretty good. Probably about done, right Dimple?”
“Yup, that was the last of ‘em.”
“Thank you for coming. You made my job a lot easier,” Katsuya said, turning that sunny smile onto the spirit.
If Reigen thought it was possible, he could’ve sworn that for just a second, Dimple’s cheeks brightened. But the moment passed in a blink and then he was shrugging and telling Katsuya it was no big deal for someone as strong as him to deal with some low-level nothings.
“Yes, yes, you’re very strong.” Reigen rolled his eyes. “But now that that’s done, we should really get some dinner. I’m starving.”
“Why are you hungry? You didn’t do anything!”
He shot Dimple a scowl, which just made the spirit laugh and nudge Katsuya’s cheek, who was biting his lip to hold in his own amusement. Reigen gaped between the two of them, mock betrayal exaggerating his features.
“So that’s how it is. I get us a job and you guys…” He shook his head. “Fine, I’ll just eat on my own and you two can fuck right off.”
Reigen was glad to see those two getting along. With how Dimple acted when Reigen talked about dates with Katsuya and general life, he hadn’t been sure how their relationship would be affected. Katsuya had been so wary of Dimple in the beginning and then he’d just been kind of indifferent, but like with everyone thus far, Dimple had eventually worn him down until they could tentatively be considered friends. The first time he’d walked into the office and seen those two having a philosophical chat about the retention of souls in spirits after death, Reigen had been so pleased. They’d only grown since then, to the point that his empty threats of draining powers and/or leaving them for some better espers just left them shaking their heads.
“Fine, losers, go eat.” Dimple finally said when they exited the arcade, already starting to float off in his own direction.
“You’re not coming with us?”
Reigen knew Dimple acted like eating was a human thing beneath him, but he’d also seen him swipe enough whipped cream from Mob’s snacks to know better. He’d figured they’d all go together, a little company outing after the job.
“Nah, are you kidding? I don’t want to be the third wheel to your disgusting goo goo eye dates.”
“It’s not really a date,” Katsuya interjected, “You’re more than welcome to tag along.”
“Eh, raincheck.”
Reigen opened his mouth to tell Dimple to stop being such a shithead and just come, but he’d already slipped further into the crowd and the only way he would get his attention would be to yell and earn himself a bunch of stares.
He sighed and threw his arm around Katsuya’s waist to hide his disappointment. “Well, I guess it’s an impromptu date after all. So, what’ll it be, Katsu? Mobdonalds or something a bit more sophisticated?
Six months later, Reigen felt Dimple’s absence like a physical void around the office.
The already few times he saw the spirit had dwindled more and more, to the point where they were lucky if he popped by once a month. He knew Dimple was busy harnessing his powers and helping Mob study for entrance exams, but he still missed the shithead. They hadn’t had a proper chat in ages, and wonderful as Katsuya was, as much his best friend as his boyfriend, Reigen knew it wasn’t healthy to make him the only person he talked to. Eventually it would put a strain on the relationship. At least, his side of it -- Katsuya had friends from school that he still went out with on occasion. He’d reached out to his old associates from Claw recently, too, even that weirdo Shimazaki, and begun rebuilding their relationships from a point of mutual respect and understanding that had nothing to do with power levels.
Reigen was glad for that. Katsuya needed people in his life that knew the extent of the horrors caused by the organization, what it was like working under someone like Suzuki, and he liked the idea that the rest of the ‘Super 5’ had learned to become better people. Ones that Katsuya was comfortable around.
But outside of Mob and Dimple, Reigen was decidedly lacking in the friendship department. It was embarrassing.
Yet when Katsuya brought up Dimple’s absence, Reigen found himself shrugging and throwing up that wall of indifference.
“He’s probably off trying to start a new cult or something.”
Katsuya looked up from his paperwork and raised an eyebrow. “He does that?”
He hummed. “Everyone needs a hobby. Dimple’s just happens to be tricking people into giving him a ton of power so he can have a body and a ‘godly supply of power.’ Supposedly, anyway. I’ve yet to see it, so I’m pretty sure he’s just making that up…”
He didn’t realize he was smiling at the thought until Katsuya’s next question had him frowning.
“Why does he need to form his own body when he likes possessing people so much? He could just borrow one of ours if the mood struck him, couldn’t he?”
A bitter memory popped into place and he sighed, closing the clicker game he’d been idly playing before leaning back heavily in his chair. He’d never explained all that to Katsuya, or the extent in which Dimple had helped him out during and after Mogami. For some reason, in all the talks they’d had about that time, Reigen had always skimmed over those details because they’d felt too private. Unpacking why that was didn’t fit into his agenda for the day, so he explained what he could in as few words as possible.
“Well, after Mogami--” Katsuya’s attention snapped to him at the name “-- I sorta used him as a coping mechanism. Let him possess me so I could be a functioning person and he didn’t like that because… well, I don't know. Probably because it wasn’t helping me, and it wasn’t fun for him. So we decided it would be best if he didn’t do that anymore.”
“Oh. Okay.” Katsuya looked like he wanted to say more, but turned back to his work. Reigen figured that would be the end of it.
“Why is having his own body so important now? Is that just another thing he does when he’s bored?
It wasn’t. Not as far as he knew, anyway. From the secondhand accounts he received from Mob back in the day, even when Dimple had access to the stores of power able to conjure his ‘true form’ Dimple rarely switched into it, and even then it was for a short amount of time to flex on someone.
But maybe he’d turned him off from the desire for corprealness.
It hadn’t been right of him to take advantage of Dimple’s kindness, and things had never quite been the same when he’d told him the possessions had to stop. Reigen had assumed it was because things were awkward for the spirit, who had taken care of him like he was some husk. He’d washed his sweaty ass too many times to count. Had made him breakfast, lunch and dinner, sometimes forcing it down his throat. He’d talked him through panic attacks and nightmares. He’d been able to read Reigen’s surface thoughts and feelings, probably could’ve probed deeper if he’d wanted, but given the mess even those base emotions had been during those days, he knew why he never had. He’d even taken the brunt of pain when he’d been healing and found moving an unpleasant existence.
He’d definitely ruined having a physical body for Dimple. Reigen couldn’t see any way around that truth.
And he’d never properly thanked him for it or apologized.
The realization slammed into his chest and Reigen saw his own blank expression staring back from the computer screen.
Was that why he’d stopped popping around so much once he’d started dating Katsuya? Was he upset because Reigen was allowing someone to care for him and know him when he’d pushed Dimple away for the same sort of things?
“Oh. Shit.”
Reigen didn’t realize he’d started breathing heavily until Katsuya’s hand settled on his shoulder and swiveled the chair to face him.
“‘Taka, are you alright?”
That was a loaded question. Reigen opened his mouth to tell him that of course he was, nothing was wrong and everything was totally cool. He shoved the impulse away and dragged a hand through his hair.
“Um, yeah, I just… realized I’ve been a really shitty friend.”
“What do you mean?”
“I need to talk to Dimple.” He patted Katsuya’s hand before getting up and grabbing his jacket from the back of the chair. “Do you mind closing up?”
“Yes?” Katsuya hesitated. “I mean, yeah, it’s fine, I can do that. But can you at least tell me what the rush is?”
Right, he’d neglected to share his stream of consciousness with him. It would’ve been so much easier if he could shove Katsuya inside his brain for a second.
“Sorry, yeah. I have some things I need to say to him and… it’s private? Sorry, I know that’s probably not what you want to hear, but I promise everything is fine. I just need to do this.”
Did couples have private matters from each other? Reigen wasn’t sure, but some part of him that was equal parts guilty and unsure and trying to formulate a speech for Dimple wanted to keep things with the spirit between just them. Whether that was wrong, he didn’t know, but in terms of being honest with himself, that was where he stood.
If Katsuya was upset by that, he didn’t make it obvious. If anything, he seemed to understand the matter more than Reigen did when he squeezed his arm. “Alright, that’s fine. I can take care of things here.”
“Thank you.” Despite it being working hours, Reigen planted a chaste kiss on his lips. “I’ll see you at home, yeah?”
He wasn’t sure when he started thinking of Katsuya’s place as ‘home’ until it was out of his mouth, but he was too focused on Dimple to think about it. Katsuya’s grin meant he’d caught the slip too, and he made a mental note to prepare himself for that conversation later.
Mob’s house was the only place he could think to look for the spirit, but Reigen didn’t understand how awkward it was going to be to ask whoever answered the front door if the little booger cloud guy was around until he’d already knocked. He prayed it wasn’t Mr. or Mrs. Kageyama opening the door, and breathed a sigh of relief when Ritsu’s spiked hair popped into view, just slightly higher than Reigen’s natural eye line. It wasn’t fair that he and Mob had gotten taller than him.
“Reigen? What are you doing here?”
Where once that question would’ve been filled with a suspicious vitriol, Ritsu now only spoke with confusion at seeing him on his doorstep. Reigen offered him a quick flash of teeth before cutting to the case. “Heya, is Dimple around?”
“Ummm…” Ritsu’s head disappeared behind the door. “Shige! Is Dimple with you?”
“Yeah!” Mob’s voice came from somewhere deep inside the house and Reigen bit back a laugh. He’d never quite heard him shout so casually before.
“Well tell him to get down here, Reigen wants to talk!”
“Boys, if you want to have a conversation, do it from the same room!”
Reigen did laugh then, a soft thing to not bring attention to himself, because Mrs. Kageyama was defeating the point of her own argument by yelling from what sounded like the kitchen.
Thudding footsteps told him Dimple wasn’t the only one coming downstairs. The door flung open completely with a little flash of cyan and Mob’s smile greeted him half a second before a hug did.
“Master, what are you doing here?”
“I told you, to talk to Dimple,” Ritsu muttered, finally sounding a bit annoyed before he disappeared back into the house.
“Hey kiddo, good to see you too.” Reigen reached up to ruffle his hair. Mob smacked his arm away but there was no real force behind it. He had a sneaking suspicion that even at eighteen, he still sometimes enjoyed when Reigen treated him like a kid. “I was looking for Dimple.”
“Yeah, that’s been mentioned a few times now.” The spirit peeked over Mob’s shoulder and Reigen felt his smile dip into more nervous territory.
“Hey.”
“Sup.”
Mob’s attention passed between the two of them, and Reigen took a moment to appreciate his emotional growth and ability to read a room when he gave Reigen’s shoulder a quick pat before bidding him goodbye and shutting the door to give them some privacy.
When the silence dragged on for several more seconds, Dimple raised an eyebrow. “What’s up?”
Right. He’d come over to do more than just stare.
Reigen cleared his throat as any and all plans of approach fled his mind. They’d been crap, anyway, given the nature of everything he wanted to say.
“Um, I need to talk to you.”
“I heard.”
He wasn’t being short with him out of any sort of anger, Reigen knew that, but it didn’t help with the bundle of nerves he was juggling. He and Dimple were so alike sometimes, which usually made talking easy, but it also meant if he said the wrong thing too soon, he’d lose the spirit’s attention.
“Ugh, c’mon, let’s walk.” Dimple did his best approximation of a head motion as he floated past him and down the sidewalk. Reigen followed close behind. When he finally plucked up the courage to start, he made sure they were parallel.
“Why are you so focused on getting power all of the sudden?”
Dimple laughed loud in his ear and Reigen flinched at the volume. “What kind of question is that? You know me, I’m always looking for the next big thing-- godhood isn’t easy to achieve, and just because I take a break sometimes doesn’t mean I’ve stopped trying.”
Reigen knew that answer well enough. It was the same one Dimple always fell back on when asked about why he did anything; his own little defense mechanism. It was a stupid way to start the conversation anyway, because it wasn’t at all what he wanted to actually talk about. He just had to stop being avoidant and do the damn thing. Be vulnerable and shit.
“Okay. That’s fine that-- Ugh, that’s not what I wanted to talk about. Not really.”
“Well, I’m not a mindreader, dude, so you might have to use your fancy words.”
He wanted words? Fine. “We never really talked about what happened after… after that spirit dimension business.”
“Huh? Where’s this coming from?”
“Well, Katsuya and I were talking and I realized I never, like, apologized.”
“For what?” Dimple was looking at him like he’d grown a second head.
“For being a dick,” he explained. “For just cutting you off and pretending you never helped me. Because you did. You helped me more than I think you’ll ever know. Even if it wasn’t… the best way to go about things. And I wanted to thank you for that.”
The silence was deafening and Reigen was afraid to look over to see what kind of expression Dimple wore. So, as was his trademark, he kept talking.
“And I’ve been thinking about the last time I let you take the reins.”
“Y’mean when Shigeo freaked out and you almost died.”
Reigen nodded, a smile forcing onto his face despite the seriousness of the conversation. The incredulous edge to Dimple’s voice made it hard to not be a little amused. Plus, he at least had confirmation that he hadn’t messed up yet and was still being heard.
“Yeah, that. We worked pretty well together.”
“I guess.”
“Do you ever miss it?” Reigen didn’t realize how that little, unspoken ‘do you miss me?’ hung in the air like an obvious neon sign and he quickly tacked on something less nuanced. “Having a body to use, I mean.”
Glancing at Dimple let him see the little half shrug. “I guess. But we agreed that wasn’t healthy, remember?”
Reigen hated when his suspicions about upsetting him were confirmed with the bite on ‘healthy,’ but it also gave him something to work off of. He wasn’t even sure what he was going to say when he started again, but he felt like whatever came out would be honest. It was a strange feeling he was still learning to get used to.
“It wasn’t healthy for me to use you as a method of escaping reality and avoiding dealing with my problems, yeah. But… Amane and I have worked through a lot of that and I realized I just… I don't like being alone.”
The sharp snort made him stop and face Dimple fully.
“Duh!” He elbowed him in the ear. “I could’ve told you that, you--”
“And I don’t think you do, either.”
Dimple’s expression closed off immediately, letting him know he’d hit that nail right on the head.
“And maybe that in and of itself isn’t super healthy, but…” Reigen wasn’t sure what he was trying to say. He’d come over to apologize and acknowledge Dimple’s sacrifice, and he’d done that. So there was only one more thing to touch on. The one thing he knew Dimple would probably mock him for. But then, if Dimple wasn’t being a little bit of a shit, was he really Dimple?
He sighed. “Fuck it: I miss you. And not just having you around and talking to you. I miss…” He puffed his cheeks out and tapped his chest, right over his heart. “I miss having you in my head-- and yeah, I know that sounds super fucked up and like I’m slipping back into bad habits, but I swear it’s not like that. It’s… I don’t know. Am I making any sense?”
He didn’t think he was, and judging the odd look Dimple was giving him, he’d said all of that for nothing. It hurt, being so off each other’s wavelengths that he couldn’t make him understand. Being direct was always easier than dancing around the subject, but when you didn’t know what the subject was, it was difficult.
But then, he did know the subject. He’d just been refusing to acknowledge it in totality. He missed Dimple’s presence, his snark and bullshit, and his voice in his head, but more than that: he missed what it felt like to share his own body with someone.
He’d asked Amane once if that made him sick and she’d sat on it for a long while before deciding that it didn’t make him sick, but it could be concerning depending on his intentions when he said it. If he’d missed someone controlling him, hurting him, or otherwise destroying his sense of self, then it was a bad thing. But on the subject of constant companionship, as long as he wasn’t using it as a crutch, she’d said there wasn’t real harm in it.
And it was about companionship. Reigen decided there and then.
“I guess what I’m saying is: you can possess me sometime if you want.”
Dimple blinked and the unreadable expression morphed into a highly suspicious one. Reigen pinched the bridge of his nose and breathed out measuredly.
“I mean, like, if you’re in the mood for having a body. You need to give me a heads up in case it’s not a convenient time or whatever, but… I think I’d like to have you back now that I’m in a better place. If that’s something you’re at all interested in, of course.”
Somehow he’d gone from ‘I ruined bodies for Dimple’ to ‘I’m offering Dimple access to said ruinous body’ and Reigen wasn’t sure how he’d gotten from point to point, but it felt right so he decided he could overthink it later.
“Well.” Was all Dimple said for a long minute.
Shit. Had he broken him?
Just to throw some levity back into the atmosphere, Reigen poked his cheek, the little red patch making a perfect target. Dimple sputtered and smacked his finger away without any real anger behind the action.
“I’m done talking by the way. It’s uh, it’s your turn.”
“Don’t really know what I’m supposed to say,” Dimple admitted, eyes drifting to some random space over Reigen’s shoulder. “You’re serious?”
“Weirdly enough, yeah.”
“Okay. I’ll think about it.”
He knew a finished conversation when he heard it. Reigen had to wrestle with the fear that he’d said too much and further complicated things, because Dimple wasn’t mad or offended or anything as far as he could tell. But it was rare for him to be so quiet after a monologue like that. He’d been hoping for something more. But he could accept that he wasn’t getting it, at least not today.
“Right,” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets as the evening air grew chillier. “Anyway, good to see you.”
Good to see you?! God, he was such a loser.
Dimple’s little chuckle loosened the knot of disappointment in his chest by a small margin. Then he was drifting back towards Mob’s house.
Reigen watched him disappear before groaning and scrubbing at his face, the blush he’d been keeping at bay finally escaping as the conversation played back in his head and embarrassment settled over his shoulders.
It didn’t leave until he kicked off his shoes at Katsuya’s place and flopped across the man’s lap on the couch. Katsuya was watching some documentary about the making of cargo ships during some big war, probably taking mental notes for how to paint his new model sets Reigen ordered for him last week.
“Hey, you.” Katsuya’s hands found his hair, smoothing down the spots the wind had knocked into disarray. “How did the chat go?”
Reigen groaned again, the sound muffled against Katsuya’s sweatpants.
“So, good?”
He huffed and turned his face so he could breathe and see the television. “I don’t know. Somehow I ended up telling him he could possess me if he’s in the mood, which wasn’t… But. Yeah.”
The fingers in his hair stilled and Reigen caught Katsuya’s inquiring look when he leaned over him.
Reigen’s face burned again and he refused to meet his gaze. “So I like having him close by sometimes, so what?”
“I mean, it’s your body, so I’m not going to tell you what you can and cannot do with it.” There was a but coming and Reigen held his breath. “But, if there’s emotional baggage around that subject, does that really help anything?”
He had no idea how to explain the way his and Dimple’s relationship worked. Any time he thought he found the words for it, they sounded wrong or reductive when said aloud. He picked at a stray thread on Katsuya’s knee.
“I don’t know. Dimple’s not normal, so I guess we’ll find out?”
“He didn’t say anything?”
“Surprisingly little, actually.”
Katsuya hummed. Reigen could just hear the different speculations about that in the little noise. He decided not to address it, because he’d had enough confusing vulnerability for the evening, and if he asked what Katsuya was thinking they would end up digging into way more than he was comfortable touching.
“So, what are we watching?”
“Oh, it’s actually pretty interesting…” Reigen closed his eyes and let Katsuya’s voice lull him into a doze. He knew he wouldn’t be offended, this part of their routine one they were both well acquainted with.
He really hoped he hadn’t screwed up with Dimple.