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“You look tired.”
Cyno lifts his head from his almost-finished reports. In front of him stand Alhaitham with crossed arms. By the looks of it, he was about to leave. Which slightly worried Cyno, it couldn't be that late…Or could it be? Usually, both of them were the last ones to leave the Akademiya, yet Cyno would always leave first. Seeing the confused look on the general’s face, Alhaitham let out an almost soundless sigh.
“It’s still early if that’s what you’re thinking, I decided it would be more beneficial for my sleep schedule if I leave sooner” The tall man closed his eyes, probably trying to remember something he was supposed to say. “Also, Kaveh’s mother is visiting and he made me promise I will be home in time. You should go home too.”
“My rented room is only ten minutes aw-”
“I said you should go home. To your actual home.” Alhaitham quickly cut his speech. They have grown past their later conflicts, but Cyno couldn’t lie about how sometimes he wanted to punch Alhaitham’s arrogant attitude out of him. Cyno’s killing gaze didn’t scare the Grand Acting Sage one bit, who continued to speak. “It’s not my business, but ever since our mission was a success, I’m quite certain you have only visited Tighnari twice. I understand we’re extremely busy, but you shouldn’t leave your personal life on hold because of it. Also, it appears Tighnari is very stressed over your absence, which is making Kaveh extremely mad at you and in consequence more easily irritated at everything including me. If you need you can take as many days off as you find necessary, leave the rest to me. However, I urge you to at least try to fix this situation. For everyone’s sake, as well as yours.” Before Alhaitham took his leave, he left an official letter on Cyno’s desk. It was official permission for a week off if he wished to take it.
Cyno digests all the words spoken at him while looking at the letter left behind. Should he accept the offer? He knew Alhaitham was right and he would be lying if he said he didn’t miss Tighnari and Collei a sickeningly large amount. Archons, no words can describe how much he misses them. Besides, he was also extremely exhausted. But, the problem in Cyno’s hands is far bigger than being overworked. For more than he wanted it to be his only excuse, he knew very well it wasn't. In the past, he would move mountains and change river courses to have time on his schedule to meet them. Yet, at the moment he preferred to keep himself far away.
Once he understood he was completely alone in the Akademiya, he felt free to let out a frustrated sigh. His problem was quite simple: Cyno was scared. Mortified even. His last two visits to Gandharva Ville have been extremely quick, he intended to make sure everything was alright with Tighnari and Collei and if the former sages were well behaving. However during those two visits, he never once was able to look into Tighnari’s eyes, and barely spoke to him too. But how could he after everything that happened? It’s been 3 months and he didn’t feel any less guilty for being the unintentional cause of Tighnari’s lightning scar on his back. If only he didn’t make him part of their plan. If only he calculated better the fatui’s plan. If only he had been there for him. The traveler told him he got stuck by abnormal lighting, most probably caused by the bad usage of the electro gnosis. They didn’t specify much, but he knew exactly who to blame and it was the same vile creature who harmed Collei. One day, Cyno will make sure he pays for all his sins. The former sages who collaborated with the Fatui were already paying theirs and being dealt with by Tighnari. ‘He truly is amazing’, Cyno thought. A little smile formed on his mouth thinking about his lover's benevolence and empathy. Even knowing they were part of the reason why he got hurt and almost harmed Sumeru, he’s giving them a chance to grow. No wonder why Lesser Lord Kusanali had no doubts about the forest ranger's sense of responsibility and duty with such a task given to him. Still, all of his qualities wouldn’t erase his Lichtenberg scars. And most definitely wouldn’t take Cyno’s guilt either.
His thoughts drifted to Collei. Luckily, the gods were merciful with her for once, her Eleazar is permanently cured and she could finally live her life like everyone else with almost no limits. And that made both him and Tighnari beyond happy. But they knew that she knew he had been in Sumeru. No one told her, mentioned it, or spoke about it when she was around. Most of the rangers didn’t know anyway. Still, she could feel it, she could almost sense his presence, hear his footsteps and his voice getting closer especially when she was alone. Her anxiety did not go unnoticed as much as she tried to. Which only made Cyno even more scared of visiting them. Their relationship has been shaky from the very start. She cared for him and wanted to make him proud, was what Tighnari told me once. He respected her space and wanted nothing more than to be part of her life, even from a distance.
They made a lot of progress after Tighnari asked him to take her on a short visit to the desert. She wanted to see the desert’s flora up close and Cyno would be ‘her perfect guide and guardian’, that’s what Tighnari said back then. Surprisingly for both men, she accepted the idea without much thought. Their trip to Aaru Village was longer than what Cyno was used to, but Collei needed her time to take breaks and he would always put her health and needs first. Once they arrived, Collei was fascinated by everything she would come across. Everyone who spoke to her was nice to her and she would never forget the pretty and kind blue-haired woman to whom Cyno introduced her. Collei also liked how more relaxed Cyno looked when talking to her, he only did that with people he fully trusted.
Cyno remembers how she looked like a curious cat wanting to see everything up close. He also remembers how she particularly fancied a scarlet gem earring from a merchant named Azalai. She had already used all her mora to buy rations for her trip back home and one book about desert myths and legends recommended by Candace. Luckily for her, Cyno was an excellent observer. He bought it in secret and gave it to her once they arrived back home. She said a quiet ‘thank you’ and held the wrapped box close to her chest before going back to her hut to rest. Ever since then, she never took the earring off. Such a small gesture, but it meant so much for the general.
And now everything was on a breaking line. What if seeing Cyno would trigger every horrible memory she had of her past? What if there’s no turning back point in their relationship this time? If keeping them safe and letting them peacefully heal from their scars meant that Cyno had to stay away, he would do it.
His mind wasn’t allowing him to continue any of his work, so he decided to call it quits and return to his rented room, ignoring Alhaitham’s suggestion. All the reports were neatly organized and left where they are meant to be. Everything went smoothly and he was ready to leave. That was until he opened his desk drawer. There he kept his calligraphy utensils plus other supplies, but under all of it, he could see a photograph. He didn’t remember putting any photographs there. He gently took it out and cleaned the dust out of its way.
Oh.
It was a photo taken during Collei's 14th birthday. He remembered that day as clearly as water. Tighnari’s parents were there to celebrate with them and were so excited to show them their new kamera from Fontaine. Since it was a celebration they suggested taking a photo of the three together. They said something about being a shame to not have any portraits of them looking like a…looking like a family. Collei was stiff next to him and Tighnari was a bit annoyed at his parents' persistence on such a silly thing. Seeing all the tension in the room, Cyno thought it was the perfect timing for one of his jokes, maybe all of them could relax a bit. He took a look at his jokes notebook beforehand, took a deep breath, and looked right into Tighnari’s father's eyes. He usually laughed at his jokes. “I don’t trust stairs” Everyone went in complete silence drawing their attention to the general, Tighnari’s mother was still holding the kamera ready to take the perfect shot at any moment, ”They’re always up to something.”.
It was the loudest silence Cyno has ever been faced with.
But it wasn’t the longest.
Tighnari’s father started to laugh so hard he had to put his hands on his knees to keep him steady. Cyno was right he could always count on his father-in-law to understand his sense of humor. Meanwhile, Tighnari was looking at both in disbelief, he couldn’t believe Cyno had the bravery to tell such an awful joke and his father to laugh at it.
“That was a good one kid, hear this one now.” Tighnari’s father cleared his throat. "Where does the general keep his armies?” The older man looked at everyone in the room before finishing his joke”...In his sleevies.”
Tighnari’s father and Cyno were the only ones to laugh of course. But seeing the general Mahamatra laughing so loudly made both Collei and Tighnari laugh too. Tighnari’s mother was quick and took what she called “the perfect shot”. The three of them were so genuinely happy and carefree at that moment. Cyno wished he could create more memories like this one. He wished he could feel what he felt that day.
He grew up without a family and the other children in the orphanage wanted nothing with him. The first time he met Tighnari’s parents he was immediately showered with warmth, care, and love. Just like his son they didn’t fear him or had any assumptions about his character. They showed him the same respect and kindness as his lover. Ever since he met Tighnari he allowed himself to love and be loved. Although he feared putting any of his loved ones at risk by showing any type of affection in public, in Tighnari’s hut, he could let his heart feel whatever he wished to and let it be known.
Now that Cyno thinks about it, most of his happiest memories were probably created in said location. All the dinners with Collei and Tighnari, the TCG matches with Kaveh and Alhaitham, the times Tighnari’s parents come to visit the three of them, the quiet nights where Cyno and Tighnari share their warmth in each other's arms. Is that what Alhaitham meant by his actual home?
He most definitely was.
He understood it now.
Cyno’s home is not a physical place. It wasn’t in Sumeru City, nor the Desert. It wasn’t even in Gandharva Ville. His home is wherever his family is. He remembered Alhaitham telling him that Tighnari is worried about him, perhaps missing him. Then it clicks again. In the same way, he sees them as his home, they probably see him as their home too.
“How foolish I was to be blinded by fear…” Cyno couldn’t help his frustration with himself. He, the General Mahamatra, who was never wrong in his judgments, who rings fear through all students of the Akademiya, was now the one who allowed himself to be defeated by fear and make unwise choices. He grabbed his cloak and wrapped it around him. Before leaving his office, he laid the photograph near his desk lamp. Once he came back he wanted to see his family portrait first more than anything. He didn’t forget to take Alhaitham’s letter too.
His feet were surely satisfied with his decision by the way he was walking so rapidly. His mind on the other hand still had too many doubts. He kept questioning if it was a good idea to visit this late at night and to arrive without prior notice. He wasn't sure if his heart was beating so quickly due to his anxiety of not knowing what their reactions would be or if it was excitement for finally going back to where he belonged. Next to the ones he loved.
It was near midnight when Cyno reached Gandharva. From a distance, he could still see the lights on inside Tighnari’s hut which was a bit odd. The forest ranger had a rigorous schedule, he went to bed early, well except during the nights when Cyno stayed overnight. They always lost track of time when they were together.
No…Could it be?
Maybe…He was waiting for Cyno?
That made him both happy and even more scared of what he would face after entering the familiar door. He was already in front of it, he just had to knock and he would finally be the love of his life.
And then what.
‘Come on, it’s a door, just lift your arm and knock, and everything will work out’ He kept chanting to himself in his head trying to give him the courage he was lacking. He was relieved nobody was outside at this hour to see his current embarrassing state. Spinning back and forth, shaking his arms up and down. What would he tell them? ‘Hi, Tighnari and Collei, sorry I’ve disappeared for months without notice and for suddenly coming back, anyway did you guys know I have a new deck? Let me show it to you.’, no that was terrible.
Archons, why was it so hard to talk to people? He sat on the stairs close to the door and tried to collect himself again. He was out of his normal self. He already went this far, there is no way he would go back now, so he had to bring himself back together quickly and face whatever awaits him.
“You know your food is cold by now, how much longer are you thinking of staying outside?”
Seems like Celestia truly hates him.
He slowly stood up and turned to see the owner of the voice, although he already knew who it was. Surrounded by a warm yellow glow provided by the lights coming from inside the hut, there he was. His Tighnari. He didn’t look mad, or surprised to see him at all. He must have heard his footsteps before he even entered Gandharva Ville. So he probably also heard Cyno’s frustrating attempts to knock on a damn door.
“Look at me.” The forest ranger’s demanded softly, Cyno could hear worry in his voice. But he didn’t give in to said request. His fear was taking over him again. “Cyno.” This time his tone was more urgent, more desperate. Reminding the general he wasn't the only one suffering from this situation and their distance. “Please. Look at me please...” Tighnari's voice sounded so broken. He couldn’t bear hearing it like that. He looked up, looking straight up into Tighnari’s eyes.
Everything went silent around them, everything made sense again. His heart swelled like it the first time he looked at him. Tighnari’s eyes seemed to look at him the same way. With the same respect. With the same longing. With the same love. And with no fear.
The forest ranger gave him a little smile and opened his arms. Cyno didn’t falter this time. He made his short path to hold his lover closer to him. How much he had missed feeling Tighnari this close. It was like it was just the two of them in the whole world. He could stay like this for the rest of his life.
Yet, Cyno still had things to explain, apologies to make, and time to give back. He held Tighnari’s hands and looked once again into his eyes. Breathing in and out to calm himself. Talking really wasn't his strongest asset.
“I…I don’t know where to start. Or how to say it. I was so wrong, I was too impulsive. I thought I was doing the right thing and didn't even have the courage to tell you any of it. Tighnari all I did and wanted was to protect you and Collei. You two are what I adore the most in this whole world, I could not bear to be the reason for causing you both any type of pain. I couldn't bear seeing you scared of me, looking at me like everyone else does. But I can’t…no, I can't stand to be away from you anymore, these months have been nothing but pure torture.” Tighnari was ready to talk over him, but Cyno wasn’t done. He had to take this courage boost and say everything he felt at once. “Every day I wake up alone, wishing you were there with me. Every day I miss our meals together, our duels, our talks, our touches, our kisses, our everything. Instead of being by your side, taking care of and supporting you like you always did with me, I left you. Thinking it was the best thing for everyone, putting everyone's safety and happiness before mine. But for the first time in my life, I have to be selfish Tighnari. Please let me stay by your side once more, forgive me for everything I did. I miss you as much as I love you. ”
It’s like he held his breath during his whole speech. His lungs were begging for air at the end and his heart was about to reach the speed of lightning. His hands were trembling while holding Tighnari's hands. He wished he could say he was prepared to accept rejection. For anger, for hatred even. Maybe Tighnari had already moved on and found someone else. That would most definitely break the general. The silence wasn’t helping him to not fear for the worst. Maybe his mind was right after all, this was a mistake.
“Oh, my dear Cyno, it seems like you have been way too cruel with yourself. I will always want you to be by my side. I will always wait for you to come back to me. Your mind is playing tricks on you if it thinks otherwise." The forest ranger gave a little pat on the other man's head. "All I ask from you is to not hide again. Not from me at least. We have always worked better together, haven’t we?” Tighnari took Cyno’s hands closer and kissed each softly. “I forgive you for disappearing all this, but everything else isn't your fault so you have to seek forgiveness from me. My general, stop blaming yourself about things not even you could have had control of." Tighnari kept caressing Cyno's hands gently, reassuring him and making sure he meant every single word. "Let’s forget the past for a moment. What do you think? Collei must be tired of waiting for us at the dinner table. She misses you quite a lot.” Hearing those words was enough to make Cyno smile a little. She missed him. Tighnari missed him. Better, Tighnari still loved him the same way.
Everything would be fine. He was ready to enter Tighnari’s hut when he was surprised by a loving kiss from his beloved. It was an innocent touch of soft lips, but it made fireworks explode inside of him. How did he live all those months without this, without him? Tighnari was the one breaking the kiss apart, smiling brightly.
“Welcome home Cyno.”