Work Text:
1.
Let’s say there’s a black hole. There’s a black hole and it’s on planet Earth just sitting in the ground waiting for a meal. Let’s say the black hole has a name. Let’s say he’s called Henry.
2.
There’s a black hole and he loves you, and he tells you this and he says, I love you and you always knew but you still try to push me away. I love you, darling, come home to me. And you do come home, you come home to the house all grey, sucked in, with the walls melting like wax, and Henry’s stood in the middle of the living room with his legs open and beckons you to come with his pinkie finger half-missing. He takes you in his arms and suddenly there’s a gun in your hands and you’re both laying in the grass outside.
Underbellies - you’re a wild animal and Henry gave you a gun and he said this is where the night cuts in half. Close one eye, look up at the sky and shoot. Let’s make exit wounds of our bullets darling.
So you shot. You shot and you kept shooting until you ran out of bullets and Henry smiled at the stars and you did too. Your hand still on the trigger. The safety lock is off.
3.
Let’s say you’re back in the living room and Henry is sat with his legs open on the chair and he gives you a cigarette and half a wishbone. Let’s say you’re making conversation with a knife to your arm and there’s blood on your socks and you take the half-wishbone and snap it in two again. Let’s say you keep one in your pocket and the other in your fist and let’s say that the blue sky stayed the blue sky and Henry kept his shirt on last night and the black hole didn’t have a name. Let’s say you didn’t give meaning to your nightmares and they stayed dreams. Let’s say Henry wasn’t Henry but he was still a black hole. Let’s say everything and let’s keep saying it out loud.
4.
Henry’s in the living room and he says keep smoking, I love you. I don’t want to die tonight. Henry has a rope and a hammock and he asks which you should hang yourself in, you say don’t be so silly. Henry didn’t leave but he left the rope outside the front door. And you found the rope in the morning and you left it in the morning when time didn’t shift because there’s a black hole in your living room and you shouldn’t have given it a name.
5.
You tell your parents you love this boy, but he’s not really a boy. You tell them that you don’t miss the white walls and yes, I don’t do that anymore and yes, Henry loves me, I’m sure of it. After all, he told me so.
Let’s say Henry was hungry one night so he snuck into your bed and kissed you like crazy until the bullet returned back into the gun and it’s almost as if the hole was never in your body. Henry says forgive me and you do, because that’s all you ever do.
Henry finds the rope again and this time he puts it outside your bedroom door. You don’t have the heart to pick it up this time; you don’t even have the heart to step over it.
6.
Henry’s gone and you don’t know where he is. All you know is that the chairs are gone from the kitchen and you don’t live in the same house anymore. And there’s no knives in the kitchen and you cut your hair but the floor doesn’t feel as good as it used to. Let’s say you prayed on your knees last night, and you were so close to the devil and he sounded so much like Henry that you could almost hear him in your head. And then Henry came back and split the bone-white evening in two and Henry gave you the gun. Henry has a gun and he tells you to make a choice.
Henry says me or the white walls? And you always choose Henry. You always choose Henry because it’s never a choice. But Henry doesn’t tell you that. He never will.
7.
Let’s say you’re a lot older than you are now and you haven’t seen Henry in years. Let’s say the sky is full of puncture wounds and so are you. Let’s say Henry didn’t leave but you pushed him away. Let’s say that you finally made the choice you never had.
Let’s say you go home to your house and there’s a black hole in the living room. Let’s say the black hole doesn’t have a name, and let’s say you give it a kiss goodnight and throw the rope in.
Let’s say the black hole still loves you.
Because he does.
He loves you.
Throw out the cigarettes, take the gun, look at the sky, close both eyes and make a choice.
Snap the world in half and shoot darling. Keep half of the earth in your pocket, half in your fist.
What are you waiting for?
Shoot.
8.
The sky has exit wounds.
Henry’s still hungry.