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Tsukasa was a star. A bright, shining star that seemed to reflect off anyone who had the pleasure of encountering him. And the sun was possibly the biggest star of all (well, from the earth's perspective). Rui was one of the people who fed off his light, not unlike the moon only shining from the light of the sun.
When the day is done, the sun always rests over the horizon, like clockwork. When Tsukasa gets home, he unpacks his bags, takes the accessories neatly off his clothes and into a little tray kept on the table next to his floor length mirror. And then he'd take out his notebook, scribbling some homework before getting bored and flipping to the back pages, where he kept his most private designs and ideas for the wondershow. Today, he thought about the wonderfully elegant yet tragic atmosphere of the Victorian age, dancing and balls and death and bloodshed, all swirled with a pinch of risk and despair. Rui would design the most beautiful costumes for them all, and Tsukasa would go over to his house and make suggestions over silly details that really only mattered to the two of them-
There he was again. Rui, worming his way into Tsukasa's thoughts day after day. He closed his notebook, feeling now unmotivated to do anything at all. When Rui plagued his mind, all hope of doing anything productive was fleeting at best. Trying to figure out Rui was like… looking at a diagram of some science mumbo-jumbo in a museum without knowing the language. You get a sense of what you're supposed to be looking at, but never the full idea.
Rui was frustratingly vague, and Tsukasa ever the eager to learn. If he could, he'd take Rui apart like one of his bots and see what makes him tick, what kind of oil makes his gears churn, what kind of circuits command his brain. But then again, Tsukasa supposed he didn't really want to know. There was a certain mystique in the unknown, an attraction stemming from someone so different to himself. Really, Rui was like Tsukasa's foil. Tsukasa, who always had his emotions on his sleeve, and Rui who seemed to keep them sealed in a little box container. And just as Rui would sometimes let the box spill over, emotion peaking through very rare moments, Tsukasa would seal them away. Just for a moment.
The sky was now a brilliant raven, and the raven's eye seemed to bore down at him. He closed his blinds.
—--------------------------------
The raven's eyes bore down on him once again, neck craning to keep eye contact.
"Good evening, Tsukasa. The usual?"
Rui wore his normal casual clothes, a pattern swirled t-shirt with a thin white zip up almost falling off his shoulders. He stepped to the side, and Tsukasa waddled inside after him holding a lone notebook in his arms.
"Yes. I had some ideas for our next show."
Rui cocked a brow at his response. If he had any pattern cognition skills, which he certainly did, he could tell Tsukasa was acting strange. He cut his sentence too short, like he was planning to say more but snuffed the words in his throat. Tsukasa wasn't a snuffer- he was an igniter, lighting aflame passion wherever he stepped like a licking flame on dry grass. It was moments like these where Rui liked to play a little game with Tsukasa, where he would anticipate the words he would say before he even said them, like a human google search. He only began this game of his because it was interesting to be proven wrong, for Tsukasa to say something completely unfounded and throw Rui off his stable winning streak. However, this also meant the absence of words did him in just as quick, forming a pit of some gross curiosity in his stomach. He would have expected something like 'I have the most amazing idea for our next show! It might be our best one yet!' or something similar to those lines. And yet what stirred from Tsukasa's lips read a different story, one where he looked off to the side, fixated on a random object instead of his usual abrasive eye contact.
Tsukasa started to make his way to the couch, which usually sparked the long conversation about clothing design and their shared made up plots. However, Rui had different plans.
"Actually, Tsukasa, can we talk in my room today?"
"Your room!?"
Tsukasa gapes. It wouldn't be weird for Rui to suggest such a thing, but it stopped him in his tracks because he had never actually been inside of Rui's room before. He'd entertained the thought before, what his room would look like. Would it be like one of those hoarder's houses, stacked high with trash and mechanical nicknacks? No, if Rui was inviting him it would have to be somewhat presentable. Maybe it was one of those pinterest worthy rooms, with records hung on the walls and LED lights strung on the ceiling? No, that didn't seem right either…
"I mean, it can't be too bad…right?"
He stuffed his lingering thoughts into the recesses of his mind, following Rui to his room.
Rui places his hand on the silver door knob, and Tsukasa's breath hitches in his throat.
It's normal. Completely and utterly normal. There's a bed, a desk, a lamp, a television, a closet, and a window. Tsukasa was almost perplexed, as he stood in the doorway. It looked clean. Too clean. There were screws and various tools on the desk framing a half finished invention, but that was about the only Rui themed object in the room. Well, besides the LED lights that framed the walls up to the ceiling. Huh. At least Tsukasa got one thing right.
"Surprised?"
Tsukasa blinked up at Rui.
"I guess. I just wasn't expecting it to be so… clean."
Rui's confused expression and the realization hit him one after the other. It wasn't clean, it was unused. Tsukasa swiped a finger down on the table next to him, finding it made an indentation in the dust film covering it. It felt like Tsukasa had just walked into an abandoned building with how musty and damp the air was with dust.
"Oh."
"Sorry about that." He replied, seeing Tsukasa's bewildered face. "I don't normally have people over, and I prefer working in the garage."
Well, that explained Rui's deep eye bags. He probably slept in there too, knowing how often he talked about falling asleep while working on his projects. Tsukasa supposed that was why it felt wrong to sit on the cleanly made bed, knowing he would probably be wrinkling it with his weight. But when Rui took a seat and patted down the area next to him, he couldn't refuse.
"So what-"
"I was think-"
Tsukasa and Rui started at the same time, before laughing at the awkwardness of the situation.
"You go first."
"Okay, okay. So, my idea was basically," He paused for a moment, mulling over how exactly to describe it. "You know those old-timey shows with like Victorian Era clothing and dances and balls?" He opened his notebook, showing the reference materials and costume ideas towards the back. "Well, I was thinking we could use that to-"
"Is something wrong, Tsukasa?"
"...What do you mean?"
Rui's lips pursed. He had this intense look in his eyes, like he always had when he entrapped himself in his work. Not that Tsukasa would know, but it was the same look he had when thinking about him. It was fascination, as well as determination that swirled behind his amber eyes, that seemed to trap Tsukasa like a mosquito.
"You always talk with your hands when you tell me an idea. Like- it's something you get excited about." You're not doing it today, he wants to say. The words don't come out, yet his eyes convey the same message- analytical, worried.
"Do I?"
Tsukasa asks, but it's entirely hollow. He knows he does, and he knows how lamely his hands had been glued to his lap the entire time. He doesn't dare look back up to Rui's eyes, because he already knows what he'll see, those attentive eyes boring into him, waiting for an answer.
"Well," He starts, but ends up choking on his own words. "I guess… I have felt a little bad today- but it's nothing the world's future star can't handle!" He added the last sentence hastily, as if it would at all quell Rui's curiosity.
"You don't have to lie to me, you know. I get exactly how you feel." He bit his cheek while he talked, like he could dig the answers out of them. "It's like… you can tell the days start to get repetitive. Like, you feel as though you're not really looking through your own eyes."
"Yes! That's exactly it." Tsukasa perked his head up. "How did you know?"
"It's a long story.." Rui rubbed the back of his neck, clearly unwanting or unwilling to keep talking about it further. Suddenly, his eyes went wide, like it always seemed to do when he had a spontaneous idea.
"We could-" He said, enthusiastically, before stopping all at once, like he just revealed something he wasn't supposed to. "Nevermind." And for the first time that night, Rui looked away. He chewed his cheek again. He did that often, Tsukasa realized. He closed his notebook.
"We could… what?"
"Nevermind. It's nothing."
"Well obviously it's not nothing!"
"It's not appropriate-"
"Rui, I trust you."
Tsukasa then realized that he'd gotten closer to Rui over their interaction, and they were an inch away from each other now.
He doesn't dare move away.
Rui is the one to break the silence, sighing and reaching under his bed to reveal a shoe box. Well, it obviously wasn't just a shoebox if Rui was making such a fuss over it. He opened the top.
Oh.
Tsukasa immediately noticed two things.
The smell of a skunk, and a ziploc bag filled with a green, leafy mixture. And the first thing that came out of his mouth was,
"You smoke marijuana?"
Immediately, Rui closed the box, hastily and riddled with shame, like it would erase ever having opened it in the first place.
"I'm sorry. I just thought-"
"No, no. Don't be sorry. It's ok." He interrupted Rui quickly, trying to steady the other's nerves. "I just… didn't expect it. I'm not judging you."
Though Rui still felt the tickle of shame spread through him, he met Tsukasa's eyes.
"Why did you show this to me, Rui?"
"I was… I was thinking, maybe, it could help us. Maybe it won't fix your problem, but… we could have a nice time together?"
Tsukasa had no words, for once. Not because of the seemingly outlandish proposal, but because he'd never seen Rui this vulnerable before. He'd never seen him look away so feverishly, never seen him fidget with his own hands like staying still would kill him.
"Okay."
"You don't have to. Please don't think that I'm forcing you."
"You would never force me to do something like this. I just told you Rui, I trust you."
Rui perked up.
"Do you want me to show you how to roll a joint?"
Tsukasa was taken aback by the sudden change of tone. Maybe it was because he'd finally convinced Rui he wouldn't judge him for his hobby. But his look of surprise soon melted into a small smile.
"Sure. Though, you're not worried about your parents?"
Rui shook his head, opening the shoebox back up and removing what looked like small slips of brown paper and the baggie of weed. The only objects left were a cheap looking lighter and an ashtray, chipped on the side.
"They're out on a trip. I have the house to myself."
He flipped the shoebox lid over, using it as a flat surface to spread the small slip of paper out, no bigger than a flashcard, and poured the bud onto it. After an amount he deemed acceptable was sprinkled, he gripped the sides of the paper between his index and thumb fingers. Had Tsukasa ever noticed how slender Rui's fingers were, and how well manicured his nails happened to be?
"Once you have the weed in the rolling paper, you start to… well, roll it."
He rolled the two sides of the paper against each other, going lower and lower as he compressed the bud into a cylinder. It was the sticky kind, which caused it to keep its shape even after Rui flipped it onto its side, so that he could tuck one side under the meat of the joint, and roll it until it looked like a solid tube- not unlike a cigarette. Rui locked eyes with Tsukasa again as he put the paper to his lips, licking a stripe against the adhesive and pressing it down firmly. The action made warmth pool in Tsukasa’s stomach. He was definitely paying attention.
"Now, you're supposed to have something to put here," He pointed to one side of the joint. "so that none of the flower falls out while you smoke." He smiled a little, a familiar smirk he wore whenever he was about to try out one of his new creations on Tsukasa. It sent a shiver down the blonde's spine. "But I just skip that part. You can just press down on it," He squished the edge of the paper, until it created something not unlike a mouthpiece. "and it works just the same."
"I think I understand…" Tsukasa paused. "So, do I just suck in, or..?"
Rui laughed, tension visibly easing off his shoulders. "I guess I should show you how to smoke it too, huh?" Tsukasa blushed a light pink.
"Yes, you inhale, but you also have to… inhale a second time, I guess." Rui watched as Tsukasa tilted his head to the side just a tad, confusion visible between his eyebrows.
"I'll show you. Pay close attention."
And pay attention Tsukasa did. He watched as Rui's long, slender hands plucked the joint from its place on the shoebox, bringing it to his lips, his chapped, supple lips.
"Will you light it for me?"
Tsukasa almost jumped at the sound of his voice, startled out of his train of thought.
"Y-yeah! Sure!"
Tsukasa quickly picked up the cheap lighter, overlooking the simple fact that the safety was removed in his haste. He managed to light it after a few clicks, jumping at the large flame that bloomed from it and letting the flame go out. Rui stifled his own laughter, and Tsukasa gave him a weak glare. He clicked the lighter to life once again- too close to his face, Tsukasa decides pointedly as Rui stretches towards him to light the end of his joint. Tsukasa held his breath as Rui hovered over the flame, letting it singe the tip of the joint. He was too close… Tsukasa wasn't sure if the warmth he felt was Rui's or the flames, but it licked at him just as affectionately.
Rui pulled away, and Tsukasa let go of his tension, letting the lighter go out with a click. His eyes lingered on Rui, observing how he brought the now-lit joint to his lips, dragging a long breath from the tube between his fingers. He watched Rui's chapped lips take the joint, watched how his chest slowly filled with smoke, watched how the burning red rim chased down the joint. He took it away, and seemed to take another breath, letting his eyes flutter to a close as he felt the high take hold in his bones. Then Rui breathed out the smoke. Tsukasa watched attentively as the smoke seemed to lag when Rui breathed out, like it just missed its cue and had to arrive late. Tsukasa hadn't realized he was staring until he saw Rui's eyes lock with his own.
"Your turn."
Rui held out the wad of weed and paper to Tsukasa, and he took it with only the slightest second of hesitation. He brought it to his lips, but paused.
He was nervous.
Rui placed a comforting hand on his knee, squeezing gently. Suddenly, Tsukasa didn't feel so stuck anymore. He exhaled, and brought the joint to his lips. At first, the only strange thing he felt was the sickly taste smoothing over his tongue, but as the smoke hit the back of his throat, he began to cough incessantly. Rui quickly took the joint from his hands and handed Tsukasa a glass of water, which he gladly took and quickly sipped from when the coughing subsided. His face was mercilessly red. Rui rubbed circles into his back until he calmed down, and once Tsukasa could muster a few words, he mumbled,
"I don't feel anything."
To which Rui laughed.
"Of course you don't. You only inhaled once."
Tsukasa grimaced. The stale taste of something earthy seemed to coat the inside of his mouth, practically repulsing him every time he breathed. He didn't know if he would be able to handle really inhaling the smoke.
Noticing the troubled look on Tsukasa's face, Rui spoke calmly,
"There's another way to breathe it in. It's a lot easier on your lungs, and it will get you high faster."
Tsukasa looked up from his position hunched over a cup of water.
"It's called a shotgun. Essentially… I would be taking the smoke and giving it to you, and all you would need to do is inhale." Rui spoke calmly, taking another hit of the joint. "Normally people exchange by… mouth to mouth contact, but we could also use our hands as a buffer." Rui demonstrated by putting his hand to his mouth and making an O shape with his fingers. He let out a puff of smoke, and Tsukasa watched intently as it followed the path Rui had created for it. "You would put your mouth here," Rui pointed to the opposite end of his hand, where the smoke expelled. "And you would just have to breathe it in. Do you want to try?"
Having just coughed out his lungs, it was an understatement to say Tsukasa was reluctant to try a second time. But… there was something alluring about being so close to Rui, and something so intimate in the action of breathing in his smoke. Before he could think, he put his lips to Rui's hand, waiting patiently in silent confirmation. Rui blinked in surprise, a light blush dusting his ears.
Rui was always doing that to Tsukasa, dulling his mind and making him forget any sense of normalcy. It made him do irrational, stupid things. Like letting Rui try some of his inventions on Tsukasa- he still had a bruise from the human cannon- or convincing him to go over to Rui's house periodically to discuss plans for the wondershow. There was something in Rui's eyes, so striking and determined, like he had some grand master plan that no one else knew about. Maybe that was why Tsukasa was weak to his whims, always scared yet completely pliant under his will. Despite all his nerves telling him to run, there lay a sickeningly thick puddle in his brain that told him to stay… because he trusted Rui.
Rui tore his eyes away from Tsukasa's and took another hit, keeping the smoke in his mouth as he brought his mouth to his hand. Tsukasa parted his lips, sucking in the foul smoke from Rui. It felt odd, like he was stealing Rui's air. When Tsukasa pulled away this time, it took a second before the itch to cough plagued his lungs. Rui laughed again, as Tsukasa fumbled with the water in his hands to quell his irritated throat. He went to glare at Rui, but found he was distracted with a few different sensations. First and foremost, a tingle spread down his body and rested in his legs, buzzing comfortingly. Then he noticed that the bad taste in his mouth began to stick his tongue to the roof of his mouth, like all his saliva had turned to mud.
Rui must have noticed this change in Tsukasa, because he chuckled under his breath and asked,
"Are you feeling it yet?"
Tsukasa nodded, but every move felt like he was lagging behind, like every movement was repeated until he stood still.
"Yeah. Yeah I'm," His tongue felt heavy in his mouth, like it was something that wasn't supposed to be there. "I'm feeling it."
Rui laughed again, and it was then that Tsukasa noticed how giggly Rui had been the entire time. It was endearing, Tsukasa had decided, as his own mouth started to tug upwards. It was like some invisible fish hooks were bubbling under Tsukasa's skin, lifting up his mouth into a lazy smile. He laughed then, at the absurdity of it all. I probably looked crazy, he thought. But, strangely, he just felt… happy. Like there was constantly a flow of good energy running through his veins.
"What were you saying earlier," Rui commanded Tsukasa's attention again, seeming to feel the same buzz as before. "about your idea for the wondershow?" His eyes were half lidded, and his face relaxed in a dopey half grin.
"Oh!" Tsukasa made an excited peep, and sat up straighter. He palmed the area where his notebook was discarded, searching for it without looking, and flipped to one of the last pages. There was a sketch of a simplistic looking stage design, with a throne looking platform elevated and a space in front of it where the actual level stage would be.
"I made a, uhm, design for the stage." He taps his finger against the page, pointing to a wall that stretches behind the curtain. "Behind here will be some stairs so we can get onto the platform."
"Is that a throne?"
"Yeah!" Tsukasa smiled, feeling the buzz tingle the back of his neck soothingly. "I'm not exactly clear on the storyline… but I know I want it to be dramatic."
"Like… assassination?"
"Maybe…" Tsukasa hummed. He leaned back, closing his eyes. If he concentrated hard enough, he could make certain muscles start to tingle under his skin. Tsukasa experimented, letting the tingle trail up from the tip of his feet, buzz through his legs, tingle up his back, and fizzle out at his neck. His hands felt like water balloons, and he couldn't help but rub his fingers together to feel the odd sensation. When he opened his eyes, Rui was about to take another drag from the joint.
"Can we do the shotgun again?"
Rui looked at him, eyes softening.
"Okay."
He put up his hand again, in the "O" shape.
"No, no hand."
Rui stared blankly at Tsukasa, the gears seeming to visibly turn in his head. Then his eyes widened at the realization.
"Oh. You mean.."
"Is that bad?"
Tsukasa looked at Rui just as blankly, the gravity of what he was asking not seeming to quite click in his head.
"No. We can do that."
Rui looked away from Tsukasa's now piercing gaze, hitting the joint and turning to Tsukasa. He grabbed Tsukasa by the chin, holding him in place while he leaned in to connect their lips. His heart was pounding in his ears.
At first Tsukasa was only a little confused when Rui climbed over to him, due to their close proximity, but it mostly stayed in the back of his mind. But when Rui grabbed him by the chin, the confusion only spiraled in his mind. Tsukasa gasped into the kiss as he realized what exactly he'd asked for. His eyes went wide, but he obediently took in the air Rui gave him. Tsukasa could feel everything. The way Rui's chapped lips pressed against Tsukasa's soft ones abrasively, the strange way the kiss registered as something cravably sweet in his fuzzy mind. It seemed to last a little too long, Tsukasa felt as they still locked lips when the familiar itch tickled his throat. Only when Tsukasa rasped against Rui did he pull away, watching the other grab for his water feverishly. He took another drag from the joint, like it would erase all the strange feelings that erupted out of him.
Tsukasa realized disappointedly that he was almost out of water. He didn't have time to linger on the kiss, when he felt a chill fill his head like cotton. There was a strange sensation that came over him, like a wave of cold buzz was washing over him every few seconds. And his mouth wasn't any better. It felt like the white hot pain you get from a fresh wound itched at the back of his throat, and everything else was unbearably dry and sticky. He took another sip of water, and he could feel how sharp the rim of the cup was, biting into the sides of his mouth as he drank. The water itself felt to be worlds colder than before, despite Tsukasa being absolutely sure it was room temperature.
He looked up at Rui, just to find him already staring.
"You're a smiley high."
Tsukasa cocked his head, words seeming to take twice the amount of time to register. Finally, he smiled at Rui, picking up his hand and waving at the other.
"Hi!"
Rui laughed loudly, tension from earlier rolling off him in waves.
"I'm going to hold this over your head when we sober up."
Tsukasa giggled like a schoolgirl and shoved Rui playfully. For some reason it felt like talking and laughing with Rui paved away the cotton in his mind and made his mind clearer, just a little more rational- yet still fuzzy with joy. Suddenly, he gasped and held onto Rui's hand, all notions of personal space out the window.
"You're so cold!"
"Maybe you're just warm."
"Yeah right! You're like a… friggin' ice queen!"
To which Rui laughed again, snubbing what remained of the joint into the chipped ashtray. It was always easy to be entertained by Tsukasa's antics, he thought as he clasped another cold hand around Tsukasa's warm ones.
"Then you're my personal heater, Tsukasa."
Rui spoke in a teasing, drawled out tone, and brought their hands closer. It was a strange feeling for Rui- he had never held anyone while high. Sometimes he would have a quick smoke break with Nene, but he would always just enjoy the fuzziness. With Tsukasa, it was like they were having a party with just the two of them.
"Nooooo!"
Tsukasa whined in a childish voice, trying to tear his hands away from Rui's icy grip. However, he only succeeded in losing his balance and toppling backwards, bringing Rui down on top of him. Tsukasa landed with a flop onto the sheets below him, and Rui took his place on Tsukasa's chest. They both giggled incessantly, but neither made any move to get off one another. If anything, they shifted just to curl more into each other.
Tsukasa was so comfortable.
It felt like he was floating atop the water on his back, letting small waves smooth over him. The fans in the room felt like they had been turned up a notch, and a blast of oddly cold yet all-too warm air was pushed on him. And Rui's pressure felt welcoming, like a cluster of heavy cotton weighing on top of him.
Then, all at once, Tsukasa's body seemed to twitch. Tsukasa's eyes yanked open, heart drumming in his ears. A million worries ran around his mind, a feeling of anticipation in his bones, like it was the start of something heinous.
Rui blinked up at Tsukasa.
"Did I forget to tell you? You're going to twitch a little."
A giggle. "Thanks for the warning."
After the first twitch, it was like a chain reaction. First his foot, then his hand, and then- oddly enough- his stomach. That last one, Rui decided to comment on, through a smile pressed into Tsukasa's shirt.
"I felt that."
"How do you… stop it?'
"Usually I pinch myself and the twitching stops for a while."
Tsukasa shrugged off Rui who was leaning onto his arm, to which he made a dissatisfied noise in response. Tsukasa reached over Rui to pinch his arm, but found that the act of doing so only made the muscle in his arm twitch harsher. The pain itself felt odd, not really seeming to hurt as much as it felt like a dull ache- the kind you feel after the initial sharp injury. What hurt the most, though, was Rui's lie.
"You liar!"
Rui cackled with a shit eating grin smack on his face, hands fishing into Tsukasa's shirt to hold himself steady while his body rocked with laughter.
"That wasn't funny!"
Tsukasa whined, but he couldn't help but be affected by Rui's infectious laughter- causing him to laugh just as boisterous. How long had he been at Rui's house now…? It felt like hours, but the sun was still as bright as it ever was, shining through Rui's curtains. He couldn't believe he was in Rui's house, in Rui's room, in Rui's bed. The prospect made nervousness bloom in the pit of his stomach.
It was then that Tsukasa noticed Rui's eyes, welled up with unfinished tears from the never-ending laughter. Rui's iris was barely peeking out from around the rim of his pupil. His pupils were huge.
"Your pupils are huge."
Rui's eyebrows lifted just the slightest bit, surprised by the change of topic. But he shrugged halfway and nestled himself into Tsukasa. He mumbled against his shirt.
"Y' know your pupils get bigger when you look at something you love?"
"Do you love me then, Rui?"
There was silence. It was more incriminating than if Rui had actually responded. Tsukasa propped himself up and onto his elbows.
"Rui?"
When the other looked at him, those same determined, raven, mosquito catching eyes met his own.
"You're beautiful, Tsukasa."
A warm, marshmallow fluff feeling settled across his chest. Where were the random compliments coming from…? And why were they rendering him speechless?
"Where did… this come from..?"
Rui looked at him, really looked at him, like he was the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen. More fascinating than his little bots, or ideas for new plays, or his conversations with Nene and Emu.
"I've… I've never met anyone like you." His hands gripped tight onto his shirt. "You're warm, and you're kind, and you just… do everything you want to do. You make rooms feel better."
Crying didn't have the same nasty, closed throat feeling when high. It felt like someone had grabbed a too-sharp-to-feel pin and made a small hole in a water balloon, the slowly leaking water soon tearing the hole open and gushing out. He didn't even know exactly why he was crying- it just felt right. It felt like something he's been waiting to hear for a long, long time. Tsukasa let the liquid weakness leak out of his eyes, sniveling and wiping away the tears with the sleeves of his sweater.
Rui shuffled closer to Tsukasa, holding his face gently in his still-chilly hands. Tsukasa leaned into them, tears pooling in the other's palms.
"You're a liar."
Rui stifled a laugh, leaning against Tsukasa close enough that his hair tickled his face.
"I'm hopeless, Tsukasa. I love you so much I… I don't know what to do with myself."
They stayed like that for a while, Rui caressing Tsukasa as he cried. Even when the tears stopped, Rui still held him just the same. Tsukasa held onto Rui's dainty hands, practically melting into their comfort. There were small calluses on the tips of his fingers, just rough enough to suggest he did any kind of hard work with his hands. He felt the smooth texture of bandaids littering his hands- had he noticed that before? There were so many things he couldn't figure out about Rui- and yet he seemed to be able to figure out Tsukasa in an instant. He always knew exactly what he needed to hear, even if Tsukasa himself didn't know. When Tsukasa had talked about how he'd been in a slump, he wasn't expecting Rui to know the answer- and yet he did. Tsukasa wanted to be wanted.
"Do you mean it?"
Rui perked up.
"Of course. I've never been more sure of anything."
Tsukasa stared. He saw how Rui bit the inside of his cheek again, waiting for Tsukasa to say something. Maybe it was the buzz wracking his body, or maybe it was the cotton clouding his thinking, but something compelled him to lunge forward and take Rui's mouth against his, teeth clashing unceremoniously. Rui yelped against the sudden assault of his lips, but soon reciprocated Tsukasa's energy, kissing with a similar fever. Earlier, after their first kiss-like encounter with the shotgun, Rui remembered dully that the action had been his first kiss. However, the thought hung low and stuck to the sides of his skull like a sticky note, never really clicking in his mind as something noteworthy.
However, this felt so much more like a real first kiss.
Desperate, filled with young love, insecure. Not to mention clumsy, with the weed clouding all reason. Really, all they needed were each other, as they giggled and fumbled around in the sheets.
Tsukasa was the first to pull away, taking a second to catch his breath. And when he did, he looked Rui in the eyes and said, with a pinch of distaste,
"Your mouth is dry."