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They sort of lost track of time in the Dreamlands. Not that John had been all too interested in it before but the blurring of day after day of being trapped in the prison pit, days they had survived instead of lived, which he'd much rather not remember, had done little to help him remember just what time of the year it was. Arthur asked him to check the date on a newspaper after they left Addison so he is aware it's February and not much more.
Now, standing in this sensory overload of hearts and flowers and red inside this shop in New York, he feels he should have made more of an effort.
There's a lot of … people, he says because it feels easier to focus on that instead of everything else. Mostly men, looking at the … wares. "Oh, are they selling hats? I could do with a new one, the old one probably got blown all the way to the coast when I lost it back on the train." Arthur is brushing snow out of his hair, the cold winter wind and snowfall having been the reason they retreated into the shop to quickly warm up in the first place.
No. No hats. They are buying paper cuts in the shape of … hearts?
To his surprise, Arthur chuckles in response. "Valentine's Day already? I forgot."
Valentine's what? "It's a holiday. Sort of. To celebrate love I suppose as long as love means buying your lover cheesy cards and overly expensive flowers."
John listens, trying to make sense of Arthur's words but can't quite. So it's about money? Another laugh coming from Arthur, softer this time. A man some feet away from them, going frantically through an array of cards, glances up but quickly returns his attention to the cards in front of him. John decides not to tell Arthur. He gets weird everytime John points out somebody's watching him talk to him.
"No, not about money, at least not completely. I might be a bit too cynical about it."
You rarely are. Hope, however misplaced, is what I'd call one of your defining features.
In the glass of the cabinet they are standing in front of, he can see Arthur's mouth curl into a smile at that, surprised at first but then softening into something gentle. John averts his eyes quickly, some part of him aching in ways he doesn't want to think about too closely when he sees Arthur's smile. Or at least he tries to.
So if it's not about money what is it about then? he asks quickly, partly to distract himself, partly genuine curiosity. Arthur shrugs, something John only sees because part of him is still watching his reflection in the cabinet.
"Love, I suppose. Showing to somebody that you care about them, trying to see if they care about you too." So you'd buy it for friends and family? "You can but mostly it's for romantic partners. Sweethearts and spouses and so on. Or somebody you wish would become one."
John isn't quite sure if the cards would help accomplish that. Most of them look garish in his opinion, tacky drawings of overly cute figurines exchanging heart-shaped gifts with flowery rhymes that leave John more than a little bit unimpressed.
"Been a while since I got one of these," Arthur then says though. There's no obvious sadness or regret in his voice, just wistfulness but still John feels some part of him twist in response. "Suppose it will be a while longer."
No spouse or sweetheart, John thinks. But the rest of what Arthur said worms its way into his mind for some reason. Or somebody you want to become one. Arthur makes a move to leave the shop, having warmed up enough at last it seems, and as he does, one card catches John's eyes. It's red but not garishly so, cut in a simple heart-shape with no extra frills or cheesy drawings.
"Be mine" is written on it and Arthur's words and smile echo in John's head as he reaches for it without a second thought. Grabs it and then quickly pushes it into the pocket of Arthur's coat, hidden from the prying eyes of anybody else in the shop. They exit without anybody noticing or calling on them to stop and it's only when they are several streets away that John realizes what a stupid idea this was.
His hand is gripping the card, still stuffed in the coat pocket, tightly and what was he thinking? Giving the card to Arthur who couldn't read it? Give it to him moments after he explained that this is mostly a romantic thing? Have Arthur ask what it says on the card and telling him and then having him ask what that means, what John means with that, what the hell he wants the "Be mine" to mean and John doesn't even know himself. He doesn't think telling Arthur about the ache he feels whenever he catches him smiling would be a sufficient explanation. It's barely an explanation for himself.
No, he decides, feeling both rather foolish and slightly defeated, better to just pretend this never happened. It's easy enough to lift the card out of the pocket without Arthur noticing and it's almost equally easy to just let go of it as Arthur keeps on walking.
"Hey! Hey Mister! You dropped something!" It becomes a lot less easy when a voice behind them makes Arthur stop in his tracks. "I'm sorry?" he says, sounding confused and John doesn't know what to do. "I didn't lose anything." "I saw you drop it, was walking right behind you," the man replies and then presses the damn card he must have picked up into Arthur's hand who takes it automatically.
"Can't have your gal get angry with you for showing up empty-handed," he says with a wink and then tips his hat before walking away. Arthur seems too surprised to say anything and John is silently cursing both the man and the stupid card.
"What is it?" Arthur then asks though and John considers lying. He's already lying about so much to Arthur, what's one more thing. But the card is in Arthur's hand and John doesn't know what it means, only that it means something.
It's a … card. Maybe something Arthur deserves the truth about. A Valentine's card. He cannot see Arthur's expression anymore but he can hear the surprise in his voice. "A Valentine's card? Why would the man think we dropped one?" Again John sends every unfriendly thought he can muster towards that particular unhelpfully helpful soul.
Because we did. Or rather I did, he admits reluctantly. "But why? Why do you even have this?" Arthur asks, not sounding any less confused.
I took it. "Why?" John would much rather have a conversation about stealing than this one. But he brought this on himself. And there's still the memory of Arthur's smile reflected back to him in the glass cabinet. It's for you, John says. And then waits, again not knowing what for exactly.
Instead of answering though, Arthur just slowly lets his hand wander over the edges of the card. Feeling the shape maybe. Almost dropping it in the process and his left arm comes up instinctively and John equally automatically grabs the card so it won't fall down. Held like this in John's hand, it's much easier for Arthur to feel over it.
"What does it say?" he asks which is not what John expected. Be mine, he says, almost surprised at being able to say it at all. It's stupid, he adds quickly. It doesn't … I wasn't thinking, it doesn't have to mean anything, I was just….
"No," Arthur interrupts him. His movements on the card change, edge closer to where John's hand is holding on to it. Doesn't stop until their fingers are touching. Overlapping as they both hold the card. "It's not stupid," Arthur says and John doesn't need to see his face to know that he is smiling. Softly and in a way that aches but aches in a way John never wants to stop. "Thank you, John."
And they just stand there for a long moment, fingers touching and holding on to the card as around them the snow falls softly.