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The first thing that was different about Grace’s new school was the people.
She had moved schools after the incident with the Principal of her old school. Daddy (Bucky) had muttered something in Russian while Papa (Steve) had gently explained that he thought that a fresh start would be better.
This new school Grace knew had been found by Auntie Pepper and Uncle Tony and when Grace had come in to meet the Principal she seemed nicer than the one at her old school. They were even understanding of Daddy’s insistent security measure’s.
So on the first day Grace was only a little bit scared.
However her teacher seemed nice and when she asked Grace what her favourite subject was and Grace said art, she immediately directed her to a table where another boy was sitting and told her to help herself to paper.
So she started to draw her family.
The boy’s name as it turned out was Andrew and he smiled and nodded when Grace asked to borrow his crayons.
Daddy was easy, he was just black with a metal hand for his arm, and Papa was in red, white and blue with his shield. Uncle Bruce was just green with a tiny stick figure in his hand. Uncle Clint was in purple and Auntie Natasha in silver. Uncle Tony was in red and gold, Uncle Sam with his wings, Uncle Phil in his suit, Uncle Thor in his cape and Auntie Wanda and Auntie Pepper dressed in their usual clothes.
That just left JARVIS. How though do you draw an AI?
She was pulled out of her confusion when Andrew screwed up his paper reaching for a new one. “Did you do it wrong?” Grace asked shyly and Andrew nodded biting his lip.
“I did Momma and Daddy holding hands” he confessed quietly. “There Divorced” he elaborated when Grace frowned. “My daddies are holding hands” she said quietly and Andrew nodded “Well their not Divorced are they?” he said all knowingly, he nodded again when Grace shook her head.
“Oh” Grace didn’t know what to say. Whenever she had heard that word it always seemed to have a capital in front of it. To be a word to be feared. She had never met anyone whose parents were ‘Divorced’.
“Why?” she asked reaching for the red again. Andrew shrugged “Because Momma used to hit Daddy” he confessed quietly “Daddy didn’t want to hurt her back but then one day he had enough and now I live with him” he smiled suddenly “But it’s ok, I like living with Daddy, Momma used to get really scary-especially when she drinks”
Grace paused. Uncle Tony drank a lot-and even when the Avengers had a party (she could only stay up for so long) she knew Papa and Daddy both drank. But they had never been mean to each other.
“Do you want my gold crayon?” she asked finally “It’s lucky” Andrew considered this for a second before nodding.
Uncle Tony’s driver Happy picked Gracie up from school that day which meant that something had happened that meant the Avengers were needed and Daddy who was ‘an unofficial Avenger’ had to go with them.
“If you want you can come and meet them one night?” Grace asked carefully to Andrew who nodded wide eyed and animated “Do you think Iron Man would sign my Iron Man teddy?” he asked carefully pretending he wasn’t interested. “He’s the best”
“Captain America’s the best” Grace argued back before shrugging “Probably Uncle Tony might even show you the suit”
For one horrible moment Grace thought Andrew might kiss her. She so did not need the cooties.
Ever since SHEILD gave permission for the Avengers to have toys based on them it’s been chaos. Or that’s what Auntie Pepper says whenever she thinks nobody is listening. Iron Man, Captain America, and Hulk all have teddies and Bucky Bears have returned. Uncle Clint and Uncle Thor have hammers and bows named after them with little plastic arrows, even Auntie Natasha has a Black Widow Barbie.
Auntie Natasha does not like the Black Widow Barbie, Grace knows this because when the doll was released she had stormed over, nearly kicked the door down before promptly ordering Papa to never get Grace one.
“They don’t even resemble human women Steve” she snapped “I don’t even have a gun”
Daddy had nodded gone to the liquor cabinet Grace wasn’t allowed to touch and then poured Auntie Natasha a tall glass of clear liquid muttering something in Russian.
Even now Auntie Natasha makes the Avengers promise never to get Grace one. Uncle Phil told Uncle Clint who told Papa when Grace was colouring one day Auntie Natasha tried to burn down a factory containing them.
All Grace got out of that conversation was that Black Widow Barbie’s-Bad.
Anyway Grace puts that out of her mind. Auntie Pepper is babysitting which is awesome because she makes Grace hot milk with cinnamon and cookies and immediately sticks up Grace’s work on the fridge.
“Is it the goblin again?” Grace asks eating her Oreos, she knows about the goblin. Auntie Pepper shrugs “Could be anything” she says frankly and that’s why Grace likes Auntie Pepper she treats Grace like a grown up.
It turns out it wasn’t the goblin but some sort of Ice Monster. Auntie Pepper hugs Papa when he gets in looking tired and cold and pats Daddy on his good arm before excusing herself. At this point Grace is in her stripy PJs and all she wants is a hug.
“Sorry we were late Angel” Papa says letting her climb into his lap. Grace shivers slightly because the both of them are dripping with ice and Daddy notices. “Steve” he mutters under his breath, “I need a drink can you…” he gestures to Grace who frowns.
“Did I do something wrong?” she asks feeling something stinging behind her eyes and her Papa shakes her head “No angel it’s just been a long day and Papa and Daddy are just really tired” he paused “How about tomorrow you tell us all about your first day at your new school and Daddy can make those banana pancakes you like so much”
That perks Grace up-Daddy’s pancakes are the stuff of legend. Uncle Bruce says it’s Daddy’s way of coping with what’s happened to him and then Auntie Natasha makes him shut up because Grace is in the room. Grace doesn’t know what happened to Daddy and why he has a metal arm but she knows it’s very, very bad and some very bad people are involved.
However she really loves banana pancakes.
“Night Papa” she says letting him tuck her into bed. Her room is decorated in dark purple with silver, Auntie Natasha tells Grace this is because girls shouldn’t be defined by the colour pink this always makes Uncle Tony snort and Auntie Natasha glare at him.
Daddy is stood by the door, not quite in Gracie’s room just watching. Grace makes grabby hands and Daddy comes in closer so that Grace can lean her head against his chest. “Goodnight Gracie” he mutters against her hair and there’s a moment where his hand tighten on Grace’s arms like he’s terrified to let her go. Grace is four and even she thinks that this is overwhelming.
She falls asleep with both of her daddies watching and it makes her feel safe and warm and loved.
And then everything changed.
Grace wakes up cold and confused and shaking and she doesn’t know why but she knows she wants Daddy and Papa. Right now.
So she slips out of bed her feet cold on the floor and moves silently.
Ever since she got her own room there’s been a rule that Grace has to knock on the door, she doesn’t know why that’s a rule only that it is one. The only other time she’s not knocked was when she had been all confused over whether or not Daddy and Papa loved her.
However there is something different about this time. Papa’s bedside light is on and Daddy is shouting and moaning. Grace can see the through the door which has been left open a crack that he’s thrashing around on the bed his metal arm twisting manically.
“Bucky” Papa hisses looking frantic, he hasn’t seen Grace and she flattens herself to the wall in her desperation not to be seen.
“Buck…sweetheart…” he breaks off looking desperate biting his lip and Grace feels sick because Daddy is Captain America he should never be frightened.
“Bucky wake up” he says gently and then just like that Daddy does. He sits up eyes wide and unseeing before he launches himself at Papa his metal arm wrapping his way around Papa’s throat and pinning him easily against the wall.
“Buck” Papa gasps clawing at the arm and then suddenly Daddy lets him go his metal fist colliding with Papa’s face as it does knocking him to the floor.
“Shit” Papa says breathing heavily.
And then Grace can see Daddy’s hand-the human one is shaking and then he makes a noise that sounds almost inhuman.
“…Stevie?” he asks sounding scared and confused again “Oh…God…Stevie…”
Grace moves backwards trying to keep her tears in her eyes and not make any noise. She manages to make it back to her room but she trips over her bed banging her knee against the bedframe. She curls up her small body under the covers and sobs against the pillow case.
Andrew was right. Her daddies would now probably get Divorced.
“Hey Angel” comes a voice pulling her from sleep. She knows its Papa because she can feel the way he’s pulling at her hair gently. Daddy doesn’t do that, he sits on the bed and lifts Grace into his lap until she wakes.
And then Grace remembers. She can see the mark on Papa’s neck, it’s like he’s took the blue, red and purple paint and wiped it all across his neck. And Papa is a super soldier who heals easily. The fact that he’s bruising at all…Grace isn’t Uncle Tony smart but she knows that’s bad.
“Hey Gracie what’s up? You look like your about to cry?” he says his smile gentle and inviting and suddenly Grace cannot stop the sobs escaping her.
Papa grabs her pulling her onto his lap. “Angel?” he asks rocking her back and forth gently his strong arms anchoring her in place. “You know I can’t help you unless you tell me what’s wrong”
Grace can’t say anything it’s like there’s a heavy, choking weight in her chest that makes her want to collapse. Everything is ruined.
“Do you want me to get Daddy?” Papa asked sounding desperate.
“No” Grace shouted curling up into lap shaking “No I just want you, just don’t leave.”
“Lea..? Grace I’m not gonna leave you ok, I got you, I promise everything is gonna be alright”
Grace doesn’t say anything reminding herself of Andrew with his grim determination when he mentioned the word Divorced.
Grace had just thought that the metal arm was a protection. Daddy’s way of protecting her and Papa against everything. Turns out she was wrong.
The next day is the same. Grace can barely sleep without nightmares and she cannot crawl into her daddies’ bed like she used to do because she doesn’t know what’s gonna happen.
She creeps downstairs one early morning when she hears both Daddy and Papa arguing in the kitchen.
Daddy was always asking questions. Did someone say something at school? Was she hurt? Was there anything she needed to talk to them about?
Grace couldn’t do anything other than crawl into Papa’s lap and cuddle up close to him. Whatever she thought she was doing it wasn’t working because now both of her fathers were upset.
Even if Daddy and Papa were to Divorce she wondered if she could be able to see Daddy. She mentally reminded herself to ask Andrew the next time that she saw him if he still got to see his Momma.
But still she walked heavily into the room hiding behind the door.
“Have you asked her?” Daddy asked from where he’s sitting on the couch looking worried.
“No Buck I’ve just been waiting for my natural telepathy to kick in…Course I asked her…you’ve seen what happens when you try”
“Stevie could you try and help for once…I want to know what’s going on with our daughter”
“…Help for once…Buck I have been doing nothing but”
Grace peered round the corner of the door. Daddy was leaning over Papa looking furious his metal hand raised towards his hair.
“Don’t” she shouted coming round the corner pulling at the loose plat her hair was in.
“Don’t hit Papa again Daddy please” she implored crawling closer so she was hiding behind Papa’s leg.
Daddy stumbled backwards looking shocked his metal hand sliding off the table standing upwards. “Angel…we were just having an argument”
“No…you were gonna strangle him again with your metal arm…I saw you the other night, you’re gonna be like Andrew’s Momma who hits his Daddy and then they got Divorced”
Daddy gazed at her for a long second before Grace buried her face into Papa’s leg. When she peeped up Daddy had gone white his eyes dark in his white face, his expression so awful that Grace couldn’t put it into words.
“Bucky give us ten minutes” Steve said hoisting Grace onto his hip.
“…Steve...she thinks that I would…Steve you know I would never…”
“I know Bucky” her Papa said gently brushing the hand that wasn’t holding Grace down her Daddy’s face “I know, just let me explain Ok, just give me five minutes”
Grace buried her head into Papa’s shoulder as he sat down on the couch and Daddy left the room.
“Grace I need you to look at me” her Papa said gently and Grace raised her head instantly-when Papa spoke with that tone she did as she was told.
“Sweetheart I need you to understand something. Papa wasn’t trying to hurt me on purpose. He has…different nightmares than the ones you and me have sometimes they go on a little longer when he wakes up and that makes him scared and he lashes out”
“He choked you with his metal arm” she said and Papa nodded. “Gracie…I…I’m gonna tell you a story and I need you to be a big girl and listen to it. Daddy, he was captured a long time ago by some very bad people. These people made Daddy do some really bad things with his metal arm. When I found Daddy it took him a long time for him to realise he was safe, and when he did me and him realised we were in love and we got married and had you…but your Daddy…he has nightmares about what the bad people did to him and he doesn’t quite realise that he’s safe when he awakes but your father would never hurt me or you deliberately”
“Andrew this boy in my class said his Daddy left his Momma because his Momma hit him when she was drunk” Grace confessed and Papa nodded pressing his lips against her hair.
“Are you gonna leave Daddy?”
“Well Andrew’s Momma has a lot of problems, but your Daddy would never hurt me or you I can promise you that. And I’m not gonna leave him-ever. Me and your Daddy are with each other till the end of the line”
“But what if he hurts you again? Even if he doesn’t mean it?”
“You know how Uncle Sam sometimes helps with soldiers who struggle when they come home” at Grace’s nod he continued “Well it’s kinda like that, Daddy goes and speaks to him and lets Uncle Sam help him whenever he feels scared or unsure”
“Are the bad guys gonna come back?” Grace asks carefully now she’s calmed down. In a way everything Papa’s said has made sense.
“They could” Papa says his voice tight with something Grace doesn’t know “But that’s why the Avengers are here to stop people like that”
“Oh” Grace says quietly before she realises something “But you were shouting”
“Sometimes adults shout, to be honest with you Gracie I’d be more worried if me and Daddy didn’t have the occasional row here and there but it doesn’t mean that we love or trust each other any less and it doesn’t mean we love you any less. I’m really sorry if we scared you”
“I’m sorry as well Angel” comes a voice from behind and Grace turns around. It’s Daddy, his eyes look red and he’s half hunched over like he might be sick. Grace doesn’t want her Daddy to ever look like that, but she isn’t sure what to do.
Daddy kneels in front of her and Papa his metal arm by his side “Angel I love you and your Papa with everything that I am and I am so sorry that I hurt him and scared you, I promise you that I didn’t mean it…not that that’s any excuse. Do you think you can forgive me?”
Grace gets the impression suddenly that it’s not just her that Daddy is speaking to.
“Buck” Papa mutters hugging Grace closer but Grace moves suddenly to throw herself at Daddy letting the metal arm curl around her as well as the human one.
“S’Ok” she says finally her eyes still shut “Papa explained it was all about the bad men that gave you your arm…” she pauses “I don’t mind your arm” she says truthfully “You’d never hurt me or Papa with it on purpose”
Her dad lets out a choking noise before scooping her closer.
“I don’t mind it either” Papa says quietly and her Daddy chokes out another sob as Papa sits on the floor next to them winding one of his hands into Daddy’s hair.
“I hate that I hurt you” Daddy says simply running his hand across Papa’s neck and he flinches like he was the one hit when Papa flinches.
“I forgive you” he says quietly “I knew what I was in for when I married you, you know” he paused “I told you a long time ago Buck I was with you till the end of the line”
Daddy nodded once shifting so he was leaning his head against Papa’s shoulder. “I forgive you” Papa whispered, “Grace forgives you don’t you sweetie?”
At Grace’s nod he continues “Forgive yourself Bucky”
It was a mark of how long the last few days had been that Grace’s eyelids were falling shut. She falls asleep to the small whispers of both her parents who are talking over her head.
She looks up as the last of her strength leaves her to mumble quietly “Can we have pancakes when I wake up plwese?”
“It’s always the lisp” Papa mutters “I tell ya Buck that lisp will get her elected director of SHIELD someday”
And Daddy laughs. The real one. The one that makes Grace Smile because it’s the one reserved for her and Papa. “I love you Stevie” Daddy mutters “Till the end of the line” he says. Papa kisses him gently and Grace finally let’s herself go safe in the knowledge that no matter what happens she will always have her parents to love her.
And as she falls asleep she hears her Papa mutter back “Till the end of the line Buck”