Work Text:
Porchay hates the compound.
He hates its extravagance. It all feels cold, unattached, and oppressive. Even the gorgeous views can’t make up for the atmosphere of the compound.
And Porchay feels like he has to walk on eggshells here. He doesn’t want to be loud; he doesn’t want to get in the way.
Even when he gets to spend time with Porsche (on the rare occasion he isn’t bogged down with new mafia duties or isn’t completely exhausted) feels tainted.
There is a constant feeling of being watched, being quietly observed, which is probably the most unsettling to Porchay.
Well, the most unsettling feeling. The most unsettling thing in the compound, in Chay’s opinion, is Korn Theerpanyakul.
Porchay hates him. He puts out the air of an unassuming old man but Porchay knows better. He controls all of Bangkok for fuck’s sake; how could you pretend to be anything but dangerous.
Porchay has always hated people who say one thing but mean another. He’d rather hear an ugly truth than a pretty lie. So when he hears Korn talk for the first time and all he says are stupid fucking metaphors, Porchay is instantly put on edge. The first time Porchay played a game of chess with Korn, the man went on and on about honey, vinegar, and flies. Porchay didn’t think too hard about who or what is supposed to be the honey and who was the fly getting caught.
So to say that Porchay hates the compound would be an understatement. It feels like a prison where everyone is lying to you but they’re all just trying to survive. Porchay understands survival. It’s why he’s retreated to the shadows. He can’t be considered a threat or an inconvenience if he doesn’t do anything.
And suddenly, everything about Kim makes sense to Porchay. His guardedness, the way he knows exactly how to lie, how to skirt around the truth. The way Kim hides everything. How he hides everything from his motivations to his real thoughts and feelings.
So one day, Porchay decides to test something out. He text’s Kim.
Porchay: pick me up. i need to get out of this fucking place.
Kim responds in less than two minutes.
Kim: on my way
Porchay is out of his room and down in the entryway so fast, he barely registers the yells coming from his bodyguards.
And Kim is already there — waiting for him. Porchay gets in his car and without a word, Kim drives away.
After a few minutes of aimless driving, Porchay breaks the silence.
“When did you move out?” Porchay asks.
“When I was sixteen,” Kim replies, keeping his eyes on the road. Porchay notices his hand flexing on the steering wheel. Like Kim is gripping it tighter.
“I don’t know how you lasted that long,” Porchay says. “I’ve only been there a few months and I feel like I’m going insane.”
Porchay sighs and rubs a hand over his face and looks out the window and watches the Bangkok traffic.
“My brothers,” Kim says slowly, like he’s pulling the words out from his lungs. “They were the reason I stayed as long as I did. They’re the only reason I go back.”
“Yeah,” Porchay says softly. “I stay there for Hia’s sake. But…” Porchay trails off.
“But?” Kim asks.
It’s strange. How the last time Porchay saw Kim in person, it was at the club. Porchay had told Kim off and told him that he wasn’t Kim’s business anymore and he didn’t want to see him. It’s strange how, now, Kim is the only person Porchay wants to see. Kim is the only person who gets what Porchay is going through.
And here, in this car, away from the prying eye and ears of the compound, Porchay feels like he can tell Kim anything.
“But if I stay there,” Porchay says quietly. “I’m afraid of who I’ll become.”
Porchay is always tense. Always looking over his shoulder. He never feels like he can breathe properly. He can feel his patience with the world grow thin. He gets irritated more easily now and is quicker to anger. Porchay hates the person he is becoming within the walls of the compound.
“Yeah,” Kim replies. “I get it.”
“And if I have to hear one more vaguely veiled threat in the form of a metaphor from your father, I may kill him myself,” Porchay says.
Porchay expects that statement to get a light chuckle out of Kim. That’s what he intended with it. But Kim grips the steering wheel harder.
“He threatened you?” Kim asks in a low voice.
Oh. Porchay thinks. That’s not the reaction Porchay expected.
“Not in so many words,” Porchay says slowly. “When he started saying something about trapping flies in honey instead of vinegar, I stopped paying attention. I didn’t want to think about who was who in that scenario.”
Kim is quiet again. Porchay thinks he understands why, now, Kim is so careful with his words. So he lets Kim collect his thoughts.
“If I had to guess,” Kim says. “I’m the fly and the people I care about are the honey and he’s the vinegar.”
“Why would he compare himself to vinegar?” Porchay asks.
“Because he couldn’t keep in the compound, in the family,” Kim says.
Porchay is quiet for a moment. He lets that information wash over him. It kind of makes Porchay feel sick when he realizes fully what Kim means. That Korn considers feelings of attachment and compassion to be a trap. That those feelings are clearly a weakness to be exploited.
Porchay finds that his hatred for Korn seems to grow by the minute.
Porchay looks over at Kim. He’s wearing a white t-shirt and a denim jacket and dark jeans. Porchay looks at the silver rings that adorn his fingers as he grips the steering wheel with white knuckles. Kim is wearing the safety pin necklace; it’s one of Chay’s favorites and he remembers telling Kim as such. Porchay can’t help but notice that Kim has dark circles under his eyes and he looks a little pale. But he’s still the most beautiful person Chay has ever seen. He looks so real. So touchable.
Porchay reaches for Kim’s left hand and pry’s his death grip from the steering wheel. He takes Kim’s hand and laces it with his own. He hears Kim take an audible breath.
“Can you take me back home,” Porchay whispers. “I can’t go back to the compound right now.”
“Yeah,” Kim whispers back. “I can do that for you.”
“And will you stay with me?” Porchay asks.
That pulls a small laugh out of Kim. Even after everything, Porchay loves Kim’s laugh.
“I’ll stay with you, Chay.”