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Dezmond does not like this place.
It’s cold, for one, and though he’s a creature of the night, he doesn’t appreciate being shrouded so completely in darkness with little reprieve.
His hands are playing with the ring on his index finger, twisting and turning it as he tries to keep his nerves at bay. He wants to see — needs to see, rather — because thoughts in his head are blaring like alarms.
What if I make it outside and they’re gone?
He knows he wins nothing by being paranoid.
What if they leave me here?
It would be a sick joke to pull, that’s for sure. Dezmond doesn’t fashion himself as angelic by any means but he knows his karma isn’t so bad that his guild — TEMPUS, his home now — would just abandon him without any prior notice.
But maybe he’s wrong about them.
It wouldn’t be the first time he’d been wrong about people.
Bitching cynically to himself may be a coping mechanism when things go awry, but it’s not like his thoughts lack truth.
He’s been left behind before.
Things are starting to look bad. Or would look bad, if Dezmond could freaking see. Which he cannot. Because it is dark. He hates it here.
Their last torch is dying in a sputter of smoke and nobody has any light spells equipped because they weren’t supposed to end up in a deep spooky cavern in the first place. Altare’s glowing armor is undergoing repairs, an unfortunate time to be doing so, thanks Altare, so they’re stuck in near pitch darkness and it’s terrifying.
“Stick to the walls, boys,” Vesper’s voice booms over the drip-drip-drip of the cave’s annoyingly wet ceiling. Dezmond feels like a leg of ham in a cold oven not yet preheated. “We’ll be out of light in about a minute or two. Maybe sooner if the rest of this torch gets soaked.”
“Thanks for the heads up, Ves.” Altare’s calm voice echoes through the cavern.
Without a face to the words, it comes off as almost creepy somehow, but Dez is well aware this is all in his head. What he’d do to get absolutely schwasted right now and make up other problems for himself to deal with. Fighting his own doppelgänger would at least be fun. This is just miserable.
He half-considers asking Vesper to set Axel on fire so they’ll have a little something-something to get them through the cavern. Of all the days they didn’t bring Shinri. Or Bettel, even. He’d kill for a laugh right now and Bettel always makes him laugh.
Ever too springy, Altare adds, “If anyone needs anything, be sure to call out, okay?”
“Woooo, scary,” Axel says, not sounding scared one bit. “Should we, like, keep talking anyway? You know, to make sure everyone’s still here. Wouldn’t wanna lose you guys and have to come back in here for your sorry asses.”
“Where would we even go?” Leader laughs softly in response. “But that’s not a bad idea. At the very least, we’ll have something to do.”
“TEMPUS live podcast, reporting to you in a dank cave. Since I don’t know the name of this cave, we shall call it Dankus Memus.” Vesper chimes in with a voice fit for radio. Dezmond smiles ever so slightly. Emotional support Vesper has saved them more times than he can count. “I am out here in the trenches to report that we just need to follow the sound of water—”
“Pops, the cave is literally peeing on us.” Axel whines.
“Ew, dude, what,” the disgust emanating from Altare is palpable. Dez can see the expression on his face, and he can’t even see his face. That kind of palpable. “Don’t say that! It’s just water. Weird… cave water. But still.”
“Makes it so much better, Tar-Tar,” Dezmond drawls sarcastically, trying to remember if he’s supposed to be putting his left foot first or his right. “Maybe you should drink the weird cave wah-wah just to make sure.”
Altare makes a little angry puppy noise. If it’s supposed to be intimidating, it’s not. “You drink it! Bet you’d like it.”
“What the heck is that supposed to mean?”
The ambient torchlight flickers, then dies.
There’s a thud as Vesper discards the torch with a sigh. “… and the light is out.”
Dezmond doesn’t move. He hears his guildmates slow their steps before coming to a halt.
“Now what?” Axel asks. “We can’t see shit.”
“Everyone got a wall? Feel around with your hands, but be careful.” Altare calls out, as chill as a guy can be. It figures that the 3AM walks have trained him for times like these. “Like Vesper said, we gotta stick to the walls. We’ll get out that way.”
“I’ve got a wall.” Vesper announces. “Feels like wall, tastes like wall.”
“Yeah, I’m touching something hard, too,” Axel says, because he’s incapable of phrasing things like a normal person. Dez appreciates that. He wouldn’t be Axel without it.
Dezmond finds his own wall reluctantly, tracing his hand over the jagged stone. The dripping in the cave seems louder than before, distinct plops of water hitting the ground one after the other.
“Tastes like wall?” Dezmond questions belatedly. Maybe Vesper will distract him. “Elaborate. Please.”
“Okay.” Vesper says gleefully. “Stick your tongue out and put it on the wall.”
“I’m not falling for that.”
“Dammit! So close!” Vesper’s hearty laughter reverberates through the cavern. Dez laughs with him, but more than anything, wishes he could see his reassuring smile instead of just imagining that it’s on his face.
The dark looms heavy on his eyelids, making him strain to look around, even though he knows no matter where he looks, there is nothing. Just pure, unadulterated darkness. Great.
They keep walking, and Dezmond decides right now that he hates every single step he’s taking.
His skin is clammy and his boots squelch, which is disgusting enough as it is, but without light, he can’t even tell if what he’s stepping on is safe to be stepped on, and that’s worse than knowingly stepping in something gross.
He hates the unknown, hates what he can’t comprehend, and most of all, he just hates feeling so helpless.
He can hear Axel talking somewhere ahead of him, but the words sound muffled. Altare responds, a light burst of something that sounds like his laughter but underwater, and Dezmond starts panicking.
He knows that they’re perfectly fine and just talking and it’s all in his head, but he can’t help the way his mind skips immediately to losing them. Liquid drips onto the back of his neck, making him scream wordlessly — nothing is coming out.
He can feel Vesper’s formidable presence behind him, the scholar saying something just a tad louder to reach their leader out the front, but Dezmond can’t make out what he’s saying. His chest thumps wildly.
It’s wet, it’s cold, and it’s dark, dark, dark, like he’s going to drown down here and —
“Um,” Altare’s soft voice cuts through his spiral of panic, much closer than it was before. “Dez? Why did you grab me? Is something wrong?”
With a startled jump, everything comes back into focus. There’s something in his hands. And his other hand. And his other hand.
“What?” He asks, more to himself than to anyone in particular. His sense perception isn’t as clear through the cloak, but he knows what he’s holding onto is someone’s hand. And another someone’s hand — this one gloved — and another someone’s hand, with the bump of a fingerless glove and the telltale shape of a chain. “Huh?”
“It’s okay, Dez, you can hold my hand if you’re scared.” Altare teases, before the alchemist can yank his glove hand away. “I’ll protect the TEMPUS Guild’s babygirl.”
“What the—”
Dezmond feels like he’s just taken five hits of psychological damage in a row. In his defense, it’s dark and he didn’t realize his cloak was even reaching for other people until his leader had lifted their linked hands and asked about it.
His panic subsides, replaced with an instinctual need to defend his actions, subconscious as they may have been.
“I’m not— I’m not scared and I’m not trying to hold your hand! It’s a— I’m tactically positioning myself. You wouldn’t get it.”
“Sure, that makes sense,” Axel chimes in, lifting the hand that has a vice grip on his. Dez hates how smug he sounds. “So we’re all holding hands because it’s a tactic thing. I get it. I see, I see.”
“Eh, you know,” Vesper seems the least affected, which is fair. Dez has bodily clung to him on more occasions than he’d like to admit. If anything, Vesper's used to it. “Just guys being dudes.”
“Just dudes being guys,” Altare barks out a laugh.
“Just guys fucking dudes,” Axel says, for whatever reason Axel says the things he does.
Everyone groans.
“Axel, my boy…” Altare sighs, in time with Vesper also muttering, “Axel, my dear boy…”
Dezmond just shrugs. “You go fuck those dudes, Axey.”
“Yessir,” Axel snickers, amused. “I go fuck them good.”
“Don’t sweat it, Dez,” Vesper pipes up, deciding promptly that he’s not going to let Axel get another word in. He can feel the scholar squeeze his hand. “We’re right here with you. Just hang on. We’ll be out before you know it.”
“Yeah, this can be like our little buddy system!” Axel chimes in cheerfully. “We’re like little kids on a school trip.”
Vesper sounds pleased by the notion, but more so because it seems to remind him of something else. “Isn’t this like what happened when Dez and Altare had to take Vanguard to the High Mountains?”
“Don’t remind me.” A long-suffering sigh comes from Altare’s general direction. “We spent five hours just trying to stop losing Bettel and Flayon before Dez decided to just grab them and hold onto them for dear life. Then Hakka fell off the side of the mountain and we just decided everyone had to be attached to Dez until we got back.”
“Isn’t Hakka a bird?” Axel asks, sounding confused. “Dude can’t fly?”
“Yeah, well. We didn’t think about that. And neither did he, apparently, because he didn’t fly back up.”
“Bird forgot he could fly.” Vesper snorts. “Poor Shinri. He’s out with them at the moment. We should pray for him.”
“Shinri has his hands full with those guys.” Altare laughs, agreeing.
“And he’s only got two of those!”
“Yeah, Dez might just have to be given a new job duty as TEMPUS’ official child leash now.” He snickers.
“Magni, you’re like a babysitter and a big baby yourself,” Axel sounds far too impressed with the idea, and far too amused for it to feel like a compliment. “That’s some serious skill.”
“I don’t know about that.” Dez mutters. “I’m just— I’m just doing my part, you know? This is tactical though, like I said. So you guys better not let go and start wandering off.”
“Aw, babygirl,” Altare says, voice ringing sweet — so sweet that it’s clear he’s just making fun of him. “You scared to be left alone?”
That sets off an uncomfortable feeling in his chest that he can’t blame Altare for. There are things the guild doesn’t know about him, and things he might never tell them.
“Some would say what you guys are doing to me is unethical.”
“What?” Vesper bursts out laughing, his wheezes echoing throughout the cavern. Thanks a lot, Vesper. “In what way? What are we doing?”
“Bullying me.”
“Yeah, Vesper is bullying you.” Axel agrees, easy and happy and mischievous in the way he always is. “That’s good.”
“What’s good about this?!” Magni exclaims at the same time Vesper shouts, “I’m not the one bullying him!”
“Why would you bully me, Vesper?!” Magni accuses, then, because arguing is taking his mind off their situation.
“What— I’m not! Why are you just believing what Axel says, you can see for yourself, I’m not bullying you, how am I bullying you?!”
“He’s gaslighting you now,” Axel adds with a cheeky grin.
“Vesper!” Magni gasps dramatically. “How could you do that to me?!”
“I’M NOT!”
Axel just cackles, pleased with his penchant for chaos. Altare sighs. It’s becoming a familiar sound.
“Let’s just keep going. The cave can’t be that long.”
“Unless we took a wrong turn.” Magni points out, because that’s the type of person he is. He likes making things difficult, because it keeps them talking and he likes hearing their voices.
“Don’t say that, Maguni,” Axel whines. “You gotta believe, man.”
“I am believing.” Dez replies curtly. “I’m also just being realistic.”
“Realistically an asshole.” Axel grumbles.
“Rude.”
“You’re rude.”
“Hey, break it up,” Altare scolds. “I am not going to stand here and listen to you guys fight the whole way.”
“Then sit, Altare.” Dez says. “Sit like a dog.”
“What is wrong with you? I’m not doing that.”
“You said you’re not going to stand, so sit. Bark while you’re at it, too.”
“Alright, break it up, you two,” Vesper intervenes this time, not without the hint of a smile in your voice. “Keep your ears open. Can you hear that? We’re getting closer to water.”
It’s true. The sound of running water is clearer now, the rush of a nearby river or a waterfall somewhere just a little further up the path. They still can’t see anything, but the atmosphere feels lighter, if also a little wetter, as well.
“Thank fuck.” Axel groans, swinging Dez’s arm in his. “My legs are getting tired.”
“You think your legs are getting tired,” Dezmond complains, not really annoyed, but just wanting to fill in the silence. “Imagine how it feels for the rest of us. Who aren’t fit, strong gladiators who train everyday to get stronger.”
“I wish I trained every day. Need to work on that cake, man. My ass is flat as a board.”
“Godspeed, Axey. We can’t all have asses like mine.”
“So humble.” Altare’s eye-roll can practically be heard. There’s a good-natured tug on his hand. “Guild TEMPUS ass man over here.”
“Don’t fucking call me that.”
Vesper snickers, but doesn’t add to that line of conversation. Just pushes on ahead, shoulder brushing against Dezmond’s as he finds himself in stride beside him. “We’re really close now. You can hear the wind. Any moment now.”
“Hey, look, there’s light! Over there!” Altare cheers brightly, the glimmer of sunlight poking through the wall of the cave, illuminating it with a soft glow.
The wave of relief that washes over each and every one of them is immense. Dezmond sighs, tension from his stiffened shoulders slowly ebbing away. It’s like releasing a long breath that he didn’t know he had been holding.
Altare leads the march out, as expected of the leader, and Dezmond can feel the knot in his stomach ease with every new step.
“We’re freeee!” Axel chimes in excitement, and Dez can feel his glove hand being squeezed and shaken around, perhaps subconsciously. “Let’s fucking go, boys! Let’s go!”
“Don’t run so fast, Axel!” Vesper yells. “You’re dragging us all with you!”
Axel just hollers back. “Don’t complain, old man! We made it! Let’s go! I’m starving!”
Dez hates running, but he lets Axel drag them along because his excitement is infectious and makes it a little more bearable.
He’s still holding their hands, but nobody tries to break free. The strong grip on his hands stay reassuring.
Just for a little bit longer, he thinks, eyes softening as he watches them — Altare and Axel already hopping into a new round of banter while Vesper laughs, wild and unfettered and true.
Hand in hand (in hand in hand), Magni runs forward with them.
Briefly, before anyone notices, he smiles.
I'm glad you're here with me.