Chapter Text
He didn’t mean to say it out loud, he really didn’t. He didn’t want to upset Miri anymore than she already was, didn’t want to drag her into his mental turmoil, but it just tumbled out. A fleeting thought, a disastrous one.
Rei thought Kazuki had abandoned them. Up and left them for good. Had he gotten fed up with this stupidly domestic little family unit they’d built? Was he bored of taking care of them both? Was he frustrated with Rei’s lack of participation? And it was that thought that had his world come crashing down.
“Abandoned?” Miri said quietly, her voice wavering.
“No, not like that.” Rei kept his voice steady, trying to calm her, “I mean he just abandoned his fatherly duties to go… have some fun.” Rei knew exactly what Kazuki was doing, and it hurt.
The girl seemed content with that answer, humming quietly before running off to go play some Morio Kart.
Rei slumped backwards, hands over his face in defeat. He had been incompetent this entire time. His fingers tingled and his body jerked a little. He could usually hold back these anxious tremors, but not this time. He just felt like shit.
He’d avoided taking care of Miri, that part was true. He knew it was wrong, he knew it placed too much of a burden on Kazuki, he knew he should’ve done more and yet he just let it happen. Too afraid that he might hurt Miri unintentionally. That he might yell at her out of reflex as his father did to him, that he may upset Kazuki by interfering because he was useless useless useless at basic tasks.
Despite it, he’d ended up hurting them both in the end.
Sometimes he just wanted the wrap his arms around both of them, so tightly and strongly that they would never let go. He wanted to believe they would never leave or walk out on him. That he could show them how much he really cared.
But that wasn’t him. That wasn’t Rei. Rei was nonchalant, cold and careless. He didn’t care, and he certainly wasn’t a father. Rei has always been and would always be Rei. Change was out of the question.
Yet there was this sinking feeling in Rei’s stomach that something needed to change.
Kazuki sighed as he tipped his head backwards, another bitter shot sliding down his throat. He hadn’t done this in a while. Not like this.
He wasn’t avoiding the situation. He really wasn’t. The frustration had just welled up inside of him, like a time bomb, until it was ready to burst. He couldn’t think of any solution other than to run. Run without looking back. Just like always, he was a coward.
Kyu-chan looked at him suspiciously but said nothing. The last time he did this was after a mission gone wrong, where Rei had sustained a near-fatal stab wound. Kazuki had sworn he’d never run from his problems again, but here he was, slipping back into the comfort of alcohol.
But Rei. Rei, Rei, Rei. The man that made him want to rip his hair out, but also made something inside Kazuki break at the sight of him. He hadn’t felt that way since the day in the graveyard. It was haunting him, a lingering guilt that just wouldn’t go away.
Every time he looked at Rei, his stomach flipped a little. Then came the yearning, the desire and the love, that made him tense and tense and tense until he snapped back into reality. Nothing he did would make it go away. No amount of disdain towards Rei’s sleeping habits, frustration at having to take care of him all the time, or anger after he had fucked over the plan for yet another mission could sway Kazuki’s feelings.
And he hated it. He hated not having control over his emotions anymore. Not being able to ignore it like he could things before, to pretend like it didn’t bother him.
Another shot went down quickly, the sting bringing him back to where he was.
Miri had only made things worse. Kazuki wanted what they had to be real so desperately. That they were both parents to Miri, they were partners who took care of their daughter together and that was it. No more killing to survive, no more danger or stab wounds or bleeding out in alleyways. No more worrying about whether Rei would come home alive that night or not, about whether he would survive a night on the job.
He’d been living recklessly, Kazuki realised. Not caring about what happened to him, only relishing in the adrenaline that made him feel alive. Now, he had something to live for. Miri, his beloved little Miri. And Rei, the bastard, whom his heart couldn’t give up on.
A sniffle woke Rei up from his restless sleep. He glanced at Miri, who was sleeping tucked against his leg. The fact that his leg was unusually warm was the first thing he noticed. The second thing was the flush spanning Miri’s face, and the endless sniffling as she slept.
Shit.
He lifted a hand to her forehead gently, careful not to wake her. It was warm in comparison to Rei’s own cold hand. Too warm. He set Miri’s head down on the sofa and ran towards the cabinets, grabbing a thermometer and placing it between her arm and torso. 38.5 degrees.
Shit.
He wasn’t prepared for this. A glance at the clock told him it was almost 9 pm, and Kazuki still wasn’t home. He was definitely the one who should be dealing with this. Rei didn’t know how to take of children, let alone a sick and feverish child. Hell, he didn’t even know how to take care of himself.
The thoughts came rushing back. What if he wasn’t adept to deal with this after all? His hands shook as he grabbed the nearest blanket, trying to wrap Miri in it as best he could, swaddling her tiny shivering body.
Despite his strength, she felt heavy in his arms. Rei needed to find help, and fast.
The door to the bar burst open just as Kazuki took his fifth shot of the night (day). He was expecting another customer, maybe a client.
(His tipsy brain thought that maybe Yuzuko might walk through and that maybe everything would go back to how it was supposed to be before Kazuki ruined it with his own hands.)
What he didn’t expect to see was Rei, dripping wet, panting and holding a swaddled Miri in his arms.
“Please, help.” Rei’s voice was quivering. Maybe it was from the cold, the chill settling in his body. But Kazuki knew it was something more.
Rei stuck Miri out, but before Kazuki could scrape back his chair, Kyu-chan stuck himself out in front of him and took the girl from Rei’s arms and passed him a towel. Kazuki felt stuck, uselessly frozen.
“What happened?”
“She… has a fever. I think it’s a cold.” Rei got out, hands on his knees and trying to catch his breath, “I didn’t know what else to do.” The sincerity in his voice made the knot in Kazuki’s stomach tighten even harder.
“I think I have some medicine in the back. Put her down on one of the seats.”
Rei nodded silently and took Miri back tenderly, so scared he might drop her or do something wrong or ruin it all in front of Kazuki. He laid her gently on a plush leather seat, wrapping the blanket around her once more and squeezing her hand softly.
“Rei…” Kazuki started. He had done this. He’d left them alone, aware of Rei’s inability to function normally, and Miri had gotten ill. She was sick and it was all his fault.
“It’s not your fault, Kazuki” Rei looked up from where he was drying his hair with the towel as if he could read minds. “She probably caught something when I took her out earlier.”
“But…”
“Don’t.” Rei sounded defeated, and Kazuki recoiled.
Before he could say anything else, Kyu-chan came back with the medicine and a cold cloth, instructing them on what to do. Kazuki wanted to do something, do anything to stop the hurting. To stop Rei from hurting, Miri from hurting, his heart from hearting. But all he could do was do as Kyu-chan said, and shove the thoughts to the back of his mind.