Work Text:
In the end, the contractors that Colin Robinson hires aren’t the best money can buy - instead, they’re friends of Sean’s, who Sean swears up and down are just as good as the fancy ones, just a hell of a lot cheaper. Colin Robinson doesn’t mind because they’re easily distractible and thus easily drained.
Guillermo, though, is getting tired of them.
Guillermo had never intended to return to the house, but when faced with the reality that Derek’s jaw control was similar to a overzealous puppy’s, he decided on a tactical retreat, lest he bleed out like a chew toy losing its stuffing.
No one had noticed he left, of course.
At least it made it easy to settle back into the rhythm of the house, and keeping Colin Robinson from over draining the contractors gives him something to do. Well, keeping the contractors from being over drained and keeping them on task, especially Steve, who thinks flirting with Nandor is part of the work that has to be done on the house.
“Hey Nan,” Steve calls from where he’s bent over a sawhorse, and Guillermo is already gritting his teeth. “You wanna learn how to nail something?”
“I am very good at nailing already,” Nandor tells him as he approaches, and as they laugh together, Guillermo sees red.
“Well, let’s see if I can teach you something new,” Steve grins, handing Nandor the hammer and moving behind him — way too close, in Guillermo’s opinion. “I’ve got a lot of tricks.”
“I would like to see them,” Nandor says as his hand closes over the hammer, and Steve’s closes on top of his. “You have a very strong grip, Steve.”
Steve says something too close to Nandor’s ear for Guillermo to hear, and they laugh again. His hand tightens on the arm of his chair and he waits for the bang of the hammer. It doesn’t come. Instead, they keep flirting, Steve’s teaching just an excuse to touch Nandor more.
“We’re not paying you to waste time,” Guillermo finally snaps, and Steve steps back.
“Do not be such a cranky pants, Guillermo,” Nandor scolds as he goes back to the opposite armchair — his hips noticeably brushing against Steve as he does, Guillermo notes. “We are only having a little fun.”
“He’s not here to have fun, he’s here to work,” Guillermo points out.
“I think you would be happier if you got nailed,” Nandor tells him sneeringly. But it’s not the words or even the tone, it’s the way that Nandor looks at Steve for approval as he says it that finally makes this whole scene too much for him.
Guillermo gets up and leaves the room as Steve and Nandor laugh.
Half an hour later, the urge to stab everyone with a stake has passed, and Guillermo has settled into a solid, quality sulk.
The person who comes to his room under the stairs to interrupt him is not Nandor, but Steve.
“Hey man,” he says, pushing the curtain back. “I didn’t mean to cause any trouble with you and Nan back there—“
Guillermo stops him before he can go any further.
“His name isn’t Nan, it’s Nandor.” The sulk has quickly evaporated to irritation so potent he can feel the words coming out of his throat like a growl. “He’s one of the people paying your bills. He’s not your boyfriend. He’s your boss.”
“He doesn’t seem to mind,” Steve shrugs, and reaches into his pocket, pulling out a thick bundle of keys. “He even gave me this.”
He holds up the plastic novelty STEVE keychain from Wallace’s hut, the tangle of keys jingling below.
Before Guillermo can say anything, Steve continues, “Besides, it’s not like you two have anything going on between you, right?”
Guillermo’s face burns. No, they don’t. Of course they don’t. He doesn’t have any claim over Nandor, despite his bluster.
Instead of waiting for a reply from Guillermo, Steve does something unexpected: he sits down on the small bed next to him, leaning back as if they do this all the time.
“Listen, I’ll be honest with you, G,” Steve tells him and wow, he’s definitely a nicknames guy, isn’t he? “I can take or leave Nan. He’s fun to flirt with, but I don’t think he’s the kind of guy who knows how to put in the hard work.” He rests a hand on Guillermo’s knee, but still isn’t looking at him. Guillermo tenses. “Nan thinks he can toss a little trinket at me and that’ll take care of things. But I bet a hardworking guy like you knows how to do…it right.”
He turns to Guillermo, grinning, and Guillermo has to admit that Steve isn’t an ugly guy, with sandy blonde hair framing a pleasant face, freckles faded enough that they can only be seen when they’re close like this. He’s no Nandor, of course, but Guillermo wouldn’t kick him out of bed.
This train of thought comes to a crashing halt - no, a crashing wreck into a wall - when he realizes that Steve is in his bed now. When he turns his head, Steve is grinning at him.
“I won’t tell if you won’t,” he says, and cups Guillermo’s cheek.
He’s leaning in - shit, he’s leaning in, he’s going to kiss Guillermo and Guillermo is too surprised and confused and baffled by this sudden turn of events to do anything else other than let him - but suddenly he’s gone, sprawled out on the floor, and standing over him is…Nandor?
“You will not touch my Guillermo or his penis!” Nandor roars over a very confused Steve. And a very confused Guillermo, too.
“Did you just call me your Guillermo?!”
“Wait, you’re together?!” Steve sounds incredulous. “Seanie said you were on a break.”
Both Guillermo and Nandor’s heads whip towards Steve.
“Sean said what?” Guillermo demands.
“He said you had a fight and weren’t a thing right now, so I might as well try my chances.” Steve pauses thoughtfully for a moment. “He did also say, though, that you’re a bunch of filthy hippies and even if you were together, I could probably get in on a threesome.”
His face is suddenly hopeful. Nandor glowers and grabs Guillermo by the front of his shirt, yanking him into a kiss. Guillermo yelps at the unexpected change in position but quickly melts against Nandor’s searching mouth. Unfortunately, he can’t totally focus on the kiss, because Steve is still there, up off the floor and trying his best to insert himself into the proceedings, mouthing at Guillermo’s neck, a hand slipped into his back pocket, as irritating as a fly. He’s trying to twist out of his reach, but Steve follows, desperate for whatever action they’ll give him. Guillermo pulls back long enough to give Nandor a significant look, and thankfully he seems to understand, sweeping his arm out and using his vampiric powers to shove Steve out of the space under the stairs so hard he flies across the foyer and through the open door.
They ignore the crash as he collides with one of Laszlo’s topiaries.
“Mine,” Nandor says, licking the spot he nicked on Guillermo’s lip with his fang.
“No,” Guillermo says, grabbing Nandor’s hair and taking control. “Mine.”