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Tighnari is sixteen when he first hears those words.
The young fox had no interest in romance or relationships. He was a scholar, and his years in the Akademiya only proved this statement further. There was no room in his life for romance. When he’s invited out for dinner, he thinks it’s because the other person wants to thank him for his help.
He entertains the idea of dinner, if only for the prospect of free food.
The other person talks all night, and the sound of his voice honestly makes Tighnari’s ears hurt. Tighnari barely gets a word in - every time he does, the other just cut him off. Tighnari is starting to wonder whether the free food was even worth it, when everything that was being spouted from their mouth was nonsense. His next thought ponders on where this energy was when he asked them to write out their report, or when he asked them to handle phase two of their tests.
He supposes that scholarly settings and casual settings were different, but Tighnari was still getting used to the concept of two-facedness. All that ignorance and unawareness is, and always will be, a simple hoax to get Tighnari to put in the work for both of them.
As his company for the evening droned on and on about some miniscule, insignificant detail about their life, Tighnari had to wonder - did they know that he had already reported this matter to their professor? That he had already provided sufficient proof to claim their project as his own, and his so-called partner would receive a failing grade?
Conclusively, the answer was no.
If they did know, they wouldn’t have invited him out for dinner, ‘thanking’ him for his help. Nor would they talk so arrogantly about ‘their’ research project.
Tighnari just finished his meal and waited for the appropriate time to leave.
When the time came, and they both stood outside the restaurant, Tighnari turned to thank his ex-research partner for the meal, only for him to once again be rudely interrupted by the other’s obnoxious voice, “Can I kiss you?”
“Excuse me?” The tone of the fox’s voice reflects his surprise, and his displeasure.
“I said-”
“I know what you said. Why would I ever agree?”
“Well… You agreed to this date, didn’t you?” They argued, and their tone turned hostile, accusatory.
Tighnari frowned, stumped. Did agreeing to a free meal automatically mean that they were going on a date? After all, this person never specified it so. Was he wrong for not understanding the hidden meaning?
No. Absolutely not.
That week, Tighnari became the talk of the Akademiya - not only for putting his foot down and scaring a poor student in front of the entire restaurant, but also because of the news that broke the very next morning, of that very same student who ended up receiving a failing grade due to incompetence. The person that reported such incompetence could only be traced back to Tighnari, the one who shared the project with him.
Suffice to say, Tighnari’s reputation grew both ways after that - he was sought after for his smarts, and not so much anything to do with romance, or anything relationship-wise, so to speak. On the bright side, he receives plenty of new research offers, from professors and students alike. Tighnari learns the difference between acquaintances, peers, and friends. The latter of which he highly lacks.
He didn’t mind it - even if it felt a little lonely.
Tighnari is eighteen when he attends his first and last party with his fellow student body. He’s attending a farewell party at the Akademiya, and they’re playing pointless party games that they claim are meant to be used to ‘unwind’ after all their hard work. Tighnari is the youngest amongst them, the prodigy of the Amurta Darshan, admitted early, graduated early, and with the highest prospects that a young graduate could have fresh out of the Akademiya.
They don’t know yet that he’s intending on packing up and leaving. He doesn’t want titles or prestige, he just wants to make himself useful. Why put all this effort into studying and writing papers just for it to be put into a publication and never be applied practically?
He sits there, amongst his peers, unsure for what reason he even came, outside of the reasoning being - ‘it will be the last time’.
Was there even a first time?
As he stews on his thoughts, racking his brain for quite possibly non existent memories. Tighnari is quite possibly putting false memories into his head by imagining a scenario in which he was at a party with his peers, younger than he was now, more naive, just the way he was when he entered the Akademiya, bright-eyed and excitable. He thinks, yes, perhaps there was such an occurrence.
And then, as he looks up from the cupped palms on his lap, he realizes that everyone in the circle that they had gathered is currently staring at him. The tips of his ears pinken, and he blinks, waving his hands around vaguely, coming up with a half-assed excuse that he figures would fly right by the group anyway, “Sorry, I… was worrying about my final thesis. What did I miss?”
“Well, we dared Ati to kiss the prettiest person in his room. And they asked if they could kiss you.”
“What?” Tighnari shakes his head and turns to the person in question - he barely even knows them, weren’t they at least two years older than him too? He had some vague recall of the name ‘Ati’ being tossed around the Akademiya for having his thesis rejected not once, but twice.
“Can I kiss you?” They asked. It’s the second time Tighnari has heard this sentence in particular, and it’s the second time he has to react with displeasure.
“No. Sorry, but I don’t know you whatsoever. And the person sitting beside you was giving me the meanest death glare they could muster when you asked me that, so why don’t you ask them instead.” He says it all without bothering to hide the vexation in his tone - what does he care what they think? He’ll be gone in three weeks.
Tighnari sighs and stands - this is why he doesn’t come to these stupid parties in the first place. After he gathers his things and finishes the final drops of whatever it was in his glass, he looks at all of them - “Thank you for the party, but I think I’ll go now.”
There’s not much time wasted after - he books it to the door and doesn’t stop for anybody calling his name. Quite frankly, he doesn’t even care what they say about him, none of it that reaches his ears affects him, and he has never been happier to step outside of Sumeru City.
He tells this, a few months later, to the Matra he is friends with - that he went to a party and it was the worst part of his Akademiya experience thus far. Cyno raises a brow and retorts that hosting such parties without permit from the Akademiya is technically illegal.
“It’s good you left early. I would’ve had to press charges against you otherwise.” That’s all he has to say before he moves on to another topic.
Clearly, this is an excuse and Tighnari doesn’t doubt that thought whatsoever. The General Mahamatra has never hesitated to prosecute others for even lingering by the entrance of such places before.
He doesn’t know what makes him the exception.
Tighnari is twenty when he accepts an offer to go on a date.
For the first time in his life he’s excited about the prospect of it. He had never been on a date up to this point - and that one chaotic dinner with that student obviously did not count whatsoever. Even if he did count that as a ‘date’, what did he have to take away from that one night? An excessive number of facts about a person that he really wasn’t interested in getting to know whatsoever. Not to mention, they disappeared after their trial with the Akademiya anyway.
On the other hand, this person he had accepted the date with - they could hold a good conversation and they have shared interests; after all, they’re both forest rangers. Their company felt nice, and accepting the date just felt right. They were the first friend Tighnari made after moving out to the forest when he graduated. He likes them, truly, because why else would he be so excited to go on a date?
He takes his time on this day, getting dressed, fixing his hair and brushing his tail until everything is presentable. Tighnari is immaculate with his preparation - simply because he thinks the other expects that of him.
Still, his thoughts manage to wander off into the reaches of his mind, thinking about the conversation he had with a certain Matra just a few days prior. He seemed troubled when Tighnari broke the news to him - that he was going on a date with someone. He left quickly after that, and Tighnari could only stand in his hut, confused by the sudden arrival and even more sudden departure of the General Mahamatra. Was there something he knew that Tighnari did not?
What was meant by the furrow in his brows and the stiffness in his tone when he left?
Tighnari chases the thought away when he realizes the time, and goes to meet his companion for the evening. But it’s never quite that simple. By the third quarter of their date, despite having plenty of fun, he realizes that he likes them - just not in a romantic way.
He likes their company, and he loves being their friend. He was excited by the prospect of spending time together, but not so much being romantically involved with them. They did everything right, for the most part - talking just enough, balanced with a good ear for listening, ordering the right foods. Everything felt like what a proper date should be, and at this point, he should be looking forward to a second.
Or, at least, that’s what the books seem to have instructed.
And yet, his mind was swept up in whatever seemed to be troubling Cyno all evening. Whenever there was a quiet moment, he would begin to reflect on their conversation - had he said something wrong and missed it entirely?
“Tighnari?” The voice calls the fox’s attention back to the present moment as they walk back to Gandharva Ville.
“Hm? Yes?”
“You know, I could tell that you were distracted all evening.”
Tighnari’s ears heat up, and he’s thankful for the dimly lit walk back to their village - “I’m sorry. I really am. Archons, you must think that I’m an awful date, and really, I probably was.”
“It’s okay.” They laugh, and shake their head, “I like you, Tighnari, but we don’t have to force anything if it’s not for you.”
There’s a small moment of solace, shared between friends, and Tighnari is grateful for the experience nonetheless. It goes over smoothly - and they laugh about it for days to come. And then, the next time the General Mahamatra comes over, Tighnari tells him about the date, and then asks him why he got so upset.
The answer is masterfully evaded, and vaguely described, “I was just in a rush. I dropped by to see you and give you your gifts. I wasn’t upset at all.”
Tighnari never took Cyno for a liar, but he didn’t know if it still counted as lying if it was just half the truth. Emotions, Tighnari is realizing, are far more complicated and complex than people give it credit for.
Tighnari is turning twenty-one when he is face to face with the General Mahamatra.
The realization strikes him like lightning - and he, of all people, would know how that feels. He wants to kiss Cyno, and this epiphany comes with the thundering of his heart, and the rainstorm of feelings that pitter patter all over his nerves. He stares at him, half of Cyno’s face covered by the cards he held in his hand, a soft furrow between his brows.
The only thought in his head is far from the card game that they are playing, but simply, how comforting it feels to be with him. This friendship that they had nurtured now for the past few years - Tighnari lost count now, was it half a decade now? However many it has been, Tighnari knows that time has planted a seed in his heart.
He knows now, why people say that when it happens - falling in love with someone - you will know.
Tighnari knows.
He’s never been more certain about anything in his life - outside, of perhaps, the fact that adventurers waltz their way into these forests and determinedly try to correct Tighnari’s knowledge about the very poisonous mushrooms in his forest.
When Cyno plays his hand, and effectively securing his position as a victor of this round, Tighnari almost utters out the words that he so loathed prior to this moment. He wants to ask him, ‘Can I kiss you?’
But, then, where would that leave them?
Did Cyno even feel that way for him?
A part of him argues, he has to feel the same way - why else would the busy General Mahamatra always return to Gandharva Ville with gifts for Tighnari? Even before Collei had arrived, this had always been the case.
And then, he fumbles as their next turn begins, and Tighnari’s dice is rolled off the table and to the side.
He has to force his thoughts away from the growing longing in his head - gnawing at him like a young puppy beginning to teeth, it is irritable, but not unbearable. Tighnari stands, walking to get the dice, only to realize Cyno had the same idea.
“I got it,” He tells Cyno, trying to nudge him aside.
“I’m already here.” Cyno retorts.
Tighnari bends down at the same time Cyno does, an awkward little slip up born from both of their stubborn natures that suddenly has them all too aware of the warmth of their bodies emanating into each other's skin, solid and physical proof of the proximity of which they stood. So close. So very close. And just like that, the very same yearning he had just banished came throttling back in full force.
Tighnari wonders what he would stand to lose if he ends up kissing Cyno here and now. Just once. Just to know what it feels like. Just to have the taste of the candied nuts that Cyno ate linger on his own lips, a sweetness too much to bear.
Tighnari stares, a fox caught in pathlights, unable to move closer, nor was he able to pull away any farther.
Their breaths mingled together in the inches they shared, as Tighnari watched, hyper focused on the way Cyno’s lips parted. Please. He begged his body to just lean in and take it.
Would Cyno hate him if he did?
The tension wrapped so tightly around his neck that he could barely breathe. But it's Cyno that speaks first, breaking the stalemate that they had with a simple question, one that Tighnari has heard so many times. One that he was just about to ask Cyno just minutes prior. One that he didn’t know that he longed to hear from Cyno’s lips up until this moment.
Cyno asks, with an airiness to his voice as if he too was having trouble breathing, "Can I kiss you?"
Was this something that Tighnari had wanted from Cyno for a while? Possibly - the fox was good at ignoring his own feelings. Specifically, when it came to romantics.
Tighnari cannot bear the tension that sparked like static electricity between them anymore, nor can he even consider the prospect of giving him an answer. Yes, yes, yes, the answer screams from his thoughts and his body and his heart, settling all his veins ablaze in a fire that feels like a cozy fireplace instead of a blazing forest fire. This was just right in all the right places, yes, there was not a single doubt about it.
Rather than giving an answer, he shows it - Tighnari tilts his head up, and moves to press their lips together. He doesn't have any frame of reference of how a kiss is, or what it is supposed to feel like - and as their lips brush together, a foreign sensation tingles against the skin of his lips.
The feeling alone is enough to make Tighnari stop in his tracks. The thunder of his heart is all too loud in his ears, and he picks up on the sound of Cyno’s own pulse, almost matching his own.
Cyno is the one who meets him halfway. Callused fingers cup the soft curve of his cheek, and Tighnari’s eyes widen for a split second as Cyno kisses him properly, slotting their lips together until they fit into each other like lock and key.
It clicked then, that this was how a kiss was supposed to feel like.
His eyes soften, and slowly slip shut as he savors every feeling that bursts forth with the simple act of kissing - tenderness, adoration, lightheadedness, a buzz that he could feel all the way to the tip of his tail. At this moment, Tighnari couldn’t imagine himself kissing anyone else as his hand curls around the back of Cyno’s neck, tipping his head and reciprocating the kiss to the best of his abilities - which is ironically, little to none.
The smile that he’s greeted with when they pull apart is unmatched by any other sight Tighnari has ever laid his eyes on.
“Has anyone ever…?”
“No.” Tighnari shook his head. “You’re my first.”
The honesty is met with another bruising kiss that sweeps any final lingering thoughts of uncertainty out of Tighnari’s mind.
Tighnari is turning twenty-one when he experiences his first kiss. He doesn’t regret waiting this long, nor does he have any doubt in his mind that this is exactly where he’s meant to experience it in his lifetime. As the moon crawls its way up across the great expanse of the night sky accompanied by the shining starlight of the heavens, Tighnari is cradled in Cyno’s arms, card game forgotten as their lips pressed together, whispered words being sealed as promises within the lock of their lips.
Tomorrow, Tighnari is twenty-one. Tonight, however, Tighnari experiences his first kiss, and he understands what it’s like to be in love.