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“Don’t do this to me baby. Don’t do this to me.” He cradles her body as close as possible. He’s carried her to bed thousands of times, she’s never been this light. “Baby, please.” He can’t breathe, his lungs can’t seem to be able to take even a portion of air. “Don’t do this. Don’t do this.” He can feel his strength leaving his body bit by bit. His hold on her lessens and he’s afraid she’ll just fall from his arms. “Come on, baby girl. Come on.” He doesn’t dare to even look at her, but she feels her slipping from his grasp, so his brain betrays him and his eyes lock on her face.
What he sees scares him to death.
There’s no curly hair, no dark eyes. There’s no Sarah.
There’s a messy ponytail, lighter eyes, pale skin, ragged clothes. There’s no Sarah. There’s only Ellie.
The all so familiar deserted landscape disappears, instead there’s nothing but snow. Red, almost melted snow. He’s surrounded by it, he feels like he’s drowning in it. Sounds of gunshots resonate all around him. Any time, any bullet could hit him, his death could be swift.
“Oh God, please no. Please.” He begs, he cries, he holds her unmoving body until he can’t feel anything any longer. “Not her. Not again. No, please, God.”
He fails. Over and over again. He fails and there’s nothing he can do about it.
After that, there’s only darkness.
Until there isn’t.
His heart beats loudly and repeatedly inside his chest. His body forces him into a sitting position, quickly spotting a small figure not too far away from him. She’s just there, standing, holding his rifle. He doesn’t know why, but his heart aches for her.
“You still mumble in your sleep.” Dreams. Must be. Of what?
Loss. Regret. Fear. Letting her down. Who’s her ? He used to know. Now, he’s not too sure. Same as with everything else.
He berates her, not because she did something wrong, but because he did. She’s his responsibility, and he tells her just that. She’s his to protect and the longer they stay together, the more difficult it becomes.
He can’t remember his dreams. Hasn’t been able to for a long time. There’s only the feeling of loss that remains after he opens his eyes, a hole in his chest that he can’t ever seem to fill.
They walk, and the longer they walk, the less he thinks about anything. There’s the path ahead and nothing else. There’s finding Tommy, what comes after that, he’ll find out in due time.
His breath catches in his throat the second a group of riders surround them. They can’t run, they can’t hide, he can’t protect Ellie. What is he good for then?
He knows he’s not infected, he can handle the dog. But only as long as it stays focused on him. For a second, he’s hopeful, the man holding the rifle doesn’t even seem to care about Ellie’s presence.
It doesn’t last too long.
“Now her.” His body freezes, his brain stops working. What can he do? It’s going to smell something on her. It’s going to kill her.
It doesn’t.
But if it did? He wouldn’t have been able to do anything.
He’s failing her. Them . Again.
Hugging Tommy feels like coming home. Like everything he’s done was worth it, but at the same time, like it was worthless.
He’s thriving. Cozy and protected town, power, running water, food. A wife. There’s no danger. No infected, no hunters, no raiders. No nothing . He came all the way to Wyoming for nothing.
“I can’t go.” Like a punch to the gut.
“Why, ‘cause your wife won’t let you?” There’s a fine line between disappointment and betrayal. He likes to come off as disappointed, but he knows deep down that he feels nothing but betrayal. “She the one that kept you off the radio?” He sounds pitiful, childish, selfish. He feels like he deserves it, that after trekking across half the country to find him gives him the right. “Is that why you stopped messaging me back?”
“After I ditched the Fireflies, Maria and her crew found me. They’re good people.” The way he quickly glances his way as he says it, provides him with all the explanation he might’ve needed. “They didn’t have to take me in, but they did. And all they ask is that I follow their rules.”
“I’m your brother.” Shouldn’t that be enough? Don’t his feelings matter? He might be an asshole, a lost soul walking through this earth with no goal in mind, but if there’s anything he holds dear to his heart is his family, at least what’s left of it. Tommy knows that, and still, here they are.
“I’m aware.” He would’ve preferred that he wasn’t. “They are very protective of this place, and for good fucking reason. If folks find out we are up here-.”
“No, I heard. Wrong people might show up.” There’s nothing but pity in Tommy’s eyes. Not regret, not love. Pity . “Is that what I am? Am I the wrong people?” Defined by his actions alone, he might be. Just like Henry said ‘ I did a bad guy thing, that makes me the bad guy ’. Thing is, same as with his situation, when you live in a world like this, there is no universal wrong or right. There’s only what’s good or bad for you . Surviving and keeping those you love safe is the number one priority, and if destroying every bit of morality left in him was the way to achieve that, he’d do it in an instant. “Those things I did, Tommy, those things you judge me for, I did those things to keep us alive.”
“ We did those things. And they weren’t things . We murdered people.” That’s the cost of living. It might’ve not been twenty years ago, but if he’s learned something is that everything comes with a price.
He tried to protect him from it. He got all the heavy lifting, all the gruesome killing he did himself. Didn’t mean it didn’t affect him. Tommy still got other jobs, killing nonetheless. It breaks you, it scars you, leaves a mark on your mind you are never able to heal from.
“And I don’t judge you for it.” He does enough of that himself. “We survived the only way we knew how. But there were other ways. We just weren’t any good at ‘em.” More like they wouldn’t have survived this long doing them. He just can’t seem to understand that.
“If you knew the shit that I’ve been through, trying to find you these last few months-” Tess, Henry, Sam. Death after death.
“I’m going to be a father.” The world stops turning. Ringing in his ears makes him lose his train of thought.
Tommy. A father.
What he was meant to be. Everything he’s lost. What was taken away from him, now Tommy is going to get. A family. A kid. A safe place.
“Maria’s a few months along now. So I just gotta be more careful.” He feels like a hypocrite, because if he was in his shoes, he’d do the same thing, but he can’t help but feel even more betrayed. “To be honest, I’m scared to death. But I don’t know, I feel like I might be a good dad.” No one can know that. Not until it happens. Not until that bundle of joy is in your arms. He lived it, he felt it in his own skin.
He should tell him that, he should leave his anger aside and help his brother in the one thing he felt most capable of all those years ago. But it’s been twenty years since he’s felt that way, and these days he’s nothing but an asshole.
“Guess we’ll find out.”
“I guess we’ll find out?” What does he expect him to say? ‘I’m really happy you get to have what I so desperately crave’? How is that fair? How can he expect him to feel nothing but hurt by it? To forget what he’s lost and to just be happy about it? “That’s all you got?”
“What else am I supposed to say?”
“Just because life stopped for you, doesn’t mean it has to stop for me.” He could punch him so hard in the face his teeth would fall off. If he was someone else, anybody else, he’d be bleeding on the floor. But he’s Tommy, his brother . And as betrayed as he feels, he’d rather walk away before the worst side of him takes over.
“We’ll grab some supplies and be outta your hair in the mornin’.” He sees an apology on the tip of his tongue, but he won’t let him even say it. He doesn’t deserve his forgiveness. It’s one thing to accuse him of being a murderer in times of need, it’s another thing to bring up his daughter just to hurt him. That’s the lowest Tommy’s ever gotten, and he just hopes he sees that.
He feels like the shittiest motherfucker on the planet, and if his third panic attack of the day is anything to go by, he won’t be getting better any time soon. Because as if fighting with Tommy wasn’t enough, his mind tries to play tricks on him, and the second he sees a beautiful set of dark curls hug a small cute child amongst the crowd outside, he wonders if that could’ve ever been part of his future. That maybe, if he wasn’t the unlucky son of a bitch that he is, his baby would’ve been able to raise a family, live the life that she so rightfully deserved.
In the span of one minute, his brain comes up with the images of a not-so-perfectly-outlined Sarah holding a small child in her arms, offering him to hold it. He can’t picture the face of either of them. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to even imagine what her face would look like if she had the chance to grow up, and of course, there’s no face to the grandchild that never existed.
He could come up with millions of other images, but as he watches a group of children march inside a building on a so-called movie night, he decides to make a hasty escape. He knows Ellie will be forced to attend, and right now, he can’t deal with anyone, especially her.
Once he finds a workshop, he gets to work on his boots, trying to salvage as much as he can. It serves him a purpose, getting his mind off of everything. It’s quiet and hidden away, but it doesn’t take more than twenty minutes for Tommy to find him. He’s not in the mood to talk, but the moment he starts, he knows he won’t stop.
“I shouldn’t have said what I said. I don’t even believe it.” Well, he’d be the only one. “I know you are happy for me. It’s just-” he wishes he could wholeheartedly agree, but deep down, he knows there’s a part of him that despises the idea, and there’s nothing about himself he hates more than that. “It’s complicated for you, and I’m sorry.” He doesn’t know what to say to that, how to respond to something like that. “You gonna let me off the hook or what?” So he does what he does best, change the subject. Slightly.
“This ride to the University, is it a suicide mission?” He needs to know.
“No. It’s dangerous, but nothing you can’t handle. Just prepare and do what you do.” It’s not himself he’s worried about, can’t he see? It’s Ellie, it’s Tommy, it’s his unborn baby. It’s everyone but himself.
“You’ve had people go that way and come back?”
“All of ‘em. What is this?” He knew Tommy wasn’t stupid, that he’d realize something was off. And it takes every ounce of courage left in him to admit to something he felt had to be kept a secret.
“She’s immune.” He knows how crazy it sounds, how delusional he thinks he is.
“What?”
“Ellie. She got infected, but she didn’t get sick.” Of course it sounds like madness, especially coming from him. “Tommy, I saw her get bit myself. That was months ago. Months. She’s immune .” He needs to understand the importance of his words so that he doesn’t notice anything else.
“From the beginning.” He needs to take a seat, and he doesn’t blame him.
“It was Marlene. She hired us to smuggle her to some Fireflies. It went bad. Tess got bit.” His voice wavers at the mention of Tess, not used to even bring up her name. “She made me swear to take the kid. It was her dyin’ wish, what else was I supposed to do?” Leave her, something he considered briefly after that. A disgusting thought now. “We made it as far as K.C and then-” and then everything went to shit and he realized there was no way he was getting out of it unscathed. He wasn’t worried about physical wounds, the emotional ones are the ones that scare him the most. “You know, she saved my life there, from another kid. Five years ago I would’ve destroyed him. But she had to shoot him to save me. Fourteen years old.” The fact that Sarah was the same age is left unspoken. “Because I was too slow and too fuckin’ deaf to hear him coming. And I saw a man kill his own brother.” He calls Henry a man because it’s easier for him to deal with it than calling him a kid, which is what he was . “To save her. While I just watched. And today, I thought that dog was gonna tear her apart because it smelled something on her. And all I did was stand there.” ‘ Like a coward ’. “I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think of anything to say. I just-” He doesn’t know how he ends up actually expressing his feelings and opening up, but before he knows it, he’s started and he isn’t able to close his mouth. “I was so afraid . You think I can still handle things, but I’m not who I was.” It might be the age or the fact that he’s somehow changed emotionally, but he doesn’t think he’d be able to be the same man he was back then. “I’m weak. Lately, there are these moments where the fear comes out of nowhere and my heart feels like it stopped.” He’d call them panic attacks, but he’s no doctor. He hopes that by just explaining it, Tommy will be sharp enough to read between the lines. “And I have dreams. Every night.”
“What kinda dreams?” He wishes he had an answer to that.
“I don’t know. I can’t remember.” It drives him crazy, but as much as he tries, his brain just seems to forbid him from getting even a glimpse. “I just know that when I wake up, I’ve lost something . I’m failin’ in my sleep. That’s all I do. That’s all I’ve ever done, is fail her, again and again.” ‘Her’ could be Sarah, in his brain it’s her most of the time, but lately Ellie finds her way through more times than not.
“You want me to take her.”
“I’m just gonna get her killed. I know it. I know it.” It pains him to admit it, but there’s something even more heart wrenching than that. Something that has been in his brain for weeks, months even. “I have to leave her. It’s why you took off on me, right? To make up for the things we did? Well, here’s your chance to bring your kid into a better world.” It’s manipulative, he knows that. But he’s desperate. He needs him to say yes. He needs to know that he’ll take care of her, because he feels like he might die if he doesn’t. “You are younger than me. You are still strong. You said it yourself, you’ll come back. You have to take her.” His brother looks torn, but he knows he’s not a monster. “You can’t tell anyone, not even Maria. Tommy, you are the only one I trust. If anyone sees those bites on her, what’s under her skin, they’ll shoot her.” He’s pleading, begging, trying and failing to keep his tears at bay, but he doesn’t care. He needs him to understand . “It’s the last thing I’ll ever ask of you. I swear .” ‘ You’ll probably never see me again ’ is buried amongst his other words, but he knows he’s smart enough to read between the lines.
“I’ll take her out at dawn.” A weight is lifted off his shoulders, but his heart feels much heavier than before.
He follows Tommy’s directions until he arrives at a blue house with a single light on, it makes it easier for him to find Ellie. It takes him longer than expected to get up the stairs, his brain not willing to cooperate efficiently. It’s too occupied with finding excuses for Ellie, because that’s what he’s going to give her, excuses.
He knows why he has to leave her, but he doesn’t feel strong or prepared enough to tell her. Excuses and half truths are easier to get out, and for his sake and hers, he’d prefer not to break down in front of her.
“Is this really all they had to worry about? Boys? Movies? Deciding which shirt goes with which skirt? It’s bizarre.” It is bizarre, especially since he can’t imagine her worrying about any of those things. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to talk to you.” ‘ I just ain’t sure how to do it .’
“No, I mean why are you still here . If you are going to ditch me, then ditch me.” He lets out a loud sigh as his chest constricts. What does he say now? What can he do to make anything better anymore?
“How much did you hear?” He prays to God she hadn’t heard it all, he wouldn’t be able to take it.
“‘ I have to leave her, you have to take her ’.” That is a broad summary of their conversation, but he’d rather take that than ‘ I’m too much of a fucking coward to keep going with a child I’m starting to consider my own. ’ “You know, I stood up for you today because I thought-” Thought what? That they could keep whatever this is up? That they can pretend to be something neither of them are ready for?
“I made those decisions for your own good. You’ll be way better off with Tommy. He knows this area better than I do-” She gets angry, and for good reason.
“Do you give a shit about me or not?” It doesn’t even take a millisecond for him to answer. After all those months together, there’s no denying the truth anymore.
“Of course I do.” She doesn’t look shocked by it, and it breaks him even more.
“Then what are you so afraid of?”
‘ Of not being strong enough to keep you safe. Of the constant reminder of the girl I lost. Of getting too attached. Of losing you. ’ He wants to yell all those things to her, to make her understand the turmoil inside his head. Instead, he stays silent.
“I’m not her, you know?” His brain catches up to his body at that. “Maria told me about Sarah-” He can’t take it anymore.
“No.” She stops talking, but he knows it won’t be too long. “Don’t say another word.” He sounds menacing, and that’s exactly how he tries to come off. He doesn’t want to scare her, he just needs to look tougher than he really is, otherwise he’d be a mess.
“I’m sorry about your daughter Joel, but I’ve lost people too.”
“You have no idea what loss is.” Stupid. Selfish. Childish. Hypocrite. All over again.
“Everyone I’ve ever cared for has either died or left me.” Her eyes are watering, and he feels his façade breaking. “Everybody fucking except for you.” She pushes him back with as much force as she musters, he can tell. “So don’t you tell me I’d be safer with someone else, because the truth is I’d just be more scared.” She’d be scared without him, but what about him ? He’s scared when he’s with her. Every second of every day, he lives in constant fear of doing the same fucking mistakes he did twenty years ago. How is that living? How is that fair?
“You’re right.” Her eyes sparkle. ‘ Oh poor soul ’. “You are not my daughter, and I sure as hell ain’t your dad.” His eyes are locked on her, but he doesn’t see her. “At dawn, we are going our separate ways.”
He doesn’t sleep a wink.
Flashes of memories of what he considers to be his past life, invaded his mind every time he tried to close his eyes. But what made it worse was the crushing guilt on his chest, so asphyxiating that he considered leaving during the night, feeling as if being as far away from Ellie as possible might alleviate it. He scrapped the idea pretty quickly.
He does get up pretty early, going straight to the stables, determined to get a horse and ride off. As he places the saddle though, his feet are unable to even move. What is he doing? How can he leave things like this? Was what he built with Ellie through all those months for nothing? Could he just disregard his feelings as well as hers so easily? The answer was no. Of course not.
Instead of leaving, he lingers by the horse long enough for it to be weird. He wants to talk to her, to give her a chance to decide for herself, but he still doesn’t feel brave enough to actually go after her. He needs her to come to him.
“You came to say goodbye or something?” She tries to sound tough, something so similar to himself that he could laugh.
“No. I came here to steal a horse and ride off.” Tommy looks sort of offended, his focus is solely on Ellie though.
“I would’ve given you one.”
“I know. But that was thirty minutes ago, and I guess-” as he takes a few steps closer to Ellie, his body vibrates with what he considers fear. Of what? He’s not too sure, but if he had to guess, it’d be her resentment. “You have a right to choose. I still think you’d be better off with Tommy-”
“Come on, let’s go.” As she shoves her bag in his hands, he’s left speechless.
“Okay.” Stealing a quick glance at Tommy, he sees him nodding slightly with a knowing smile on his face.
He’s delighted she changed her mind, but he still can’t wrap his head around the fact that she was so determined to take him back. After all he did, all he said, all the hurtful words thrown her way, and she’d still rather go with him? He’d prefer not go into details about what that blind trust she has on him means, but deep down, he knows.
“Adiós, big brother.” It kills him to say goodbye, so he doesn’t. With a simple nod, both of them go on their way.
No one says a thing, taking the sights in. He pretends that’s why he does it, not because he’s too afraid she’d bring something up he won’t be ready to answer. Still, she seems content with silence, and if the tight grip on his middle and the head on his back are any indication, she doesn’t hold a grudge against him.
“Does he have a name?” Her head peeks through his left side, his good ear, he notices.
“Who?” She rests her chin on his arm.
“The horse.” As he turns his head towards her and sees her flushed against him, his heart warms his entire body.
“Uh, he probably does. I have no idea what it is though.” He keeps looking ahead simply because his face might betray him and let her know how ecstatic he is to have her here. He can’t have that, not yet.
“Callus.”
“What?” Confused this time, he does look back at her.
“His name’s Callus.” Her cheeky grin pulls at his heartstrings.
“Who says that?” He can feel her puffing her chest behind him, he can’t help but smile slightly, which she definitely notices.
“I do.” Suddenly, pushing him forward a bit, she reaches for the horse’s head, patting it on both sides. “I hereby name you Callus, the strongest horse in all the land.” Under other circumstances, he’d wrap his arms around her and pull her close, completely smitten by her. Right now though, he settles with a big smile.
“That’s a weird-ass name.” Her soft slap on his arm surprises him.
“ You are weird.” After hours of non-stop riding, he decides to take a break and do something he never thought he’d do, teach a kid how to use a rifle.
“Now, try and shoot it.” He made the target extra large, it is her first lesson after all. Because as good as she’s gotten with a gun, that little thing is nothing compared to a sniper, but she doesn’t seem to grasp the idea. “Stabilize it on the log over there.” She follows his instructions, and as he watches her carrying it around, he realizes how small she actually is. The weapon is almost as tall as her, which makes him regret his choice for a split second.
“This thing’s heavy, man. How’d you carry it around for three fucking months?” Just the reminder that they’ve actually been together for that long, makes him shiver.
“I might be old, but I’m still stronger than you.” Crouching down with the rifle in her hands, she scoffs.
“Not for long, old man.” He can’t help but chuckle.
“Keep telling yourself that, little shit.” Instinctively, he pushes her head forward playfully as he takes the spot right next to her.
“Are you going to teach me or not?” Grabbing her gloved hands, he places them right where they need to go.
“Grab it tightly, make sure the grip is not too uncomfortable.” Moving it around a bit, she seems to find a comfortable enough position. “Alright, looking through the scope, try and aim at the target. Now, when you shoot, know that it’s going to recoil, so don’t place your eye directly onto it, you’ll-” Suddenly there's a shot followed by a grunt.
“ Motherfucker .” As Ellie puts pressure on her eye, he tries to repress a snort, but he’s not strong enough. “ Dick .” Punching his arm once again, she hisses. “It hurts, shit .”
“I tried to warn you. You just don’t listen, as always.” Blinking exaggeratedly a few times, she gets a good grasp on the rifle once again, determined to get it right. After a few missed shots though, she gives up.
“You are aiming too far to the right.”
“This damn thing won’t shoot straight. It’s rigged or something.” Scoffing, he takes it from her hand.
“Give it here.” Scooching closer to her, he expects her to move, but she doesn’t, placing her chin on his shoulder, trying to get a good look at where he’s aiming at. His breath catches in his throat, but it doesn’t stop him from shooting straight on the target. Turning his head around, he finds her staring mouth agape at the makeshift target.
“You dick .” Replacing her chin with her forehead, she sighs, defeated but with a bit of playfulness still in it.
“What can I say? I’m a natural.” He throws her words her way, making her move away from him.
“Yeah, right. You’ve just done this shit way longer than I have. I’ll crush you one day.” His gaze lingers on her face, taken aback by the promise of one day.
“I don’t doubt it.” Standing up, he offers her his hand which, after making a face at him, she refuses. “Wow, a sore loser too? Never would’ve imagined.” Running straight at him with a grin on her face, she pushes him backwards, not too hard though, she knows his limits.
“Shut up, Joel.” He’d be concerned if her words didn’t come with a chuckle.
The sun hides behind the mountains not too soon after that, but once it does, they’ve already set camp on a pretty secluded area. They get a fire going, and thanks to a few supplies Tommy gave him before leaving, they have a pretty decent meal.
“Man, I miss the meals we got in Jackson.” She talks about it as if she stayed there longer than a day.
“Well, at least this is better than canned beans.” Finishing his last bite, he leans back on the log. Next to him, Ellie does the same.
It’s been three days since they left Tommy’s, and he finds it strange having her so close to him all the time, but he can’t say it bothers him. Before Jackson, they’d both go out of their way to sit on either side of the fire when they ate, to sleep as far away from each other as possible. Now though, he notices her sleeping bag right next to his, and he doesn’t complain when her elbow hits his side from time to time when she turns the pages of the comic she’s been reading. Things have changed drastically, but none of them have spoken a word about it.
Until now.
“Where would you be right now?” Turning his head to the side, he frowns, unable to understand her question. Leaving the comic aside and hugging her knees to her chest, she looks at him. “If you left me with Tommy.” His eyes widen slightly. “Where would you’ve gone?” He notices how soft her voice is, as if just bringing it up terrifies her.
“I don’t know.” He gives her a truthful answer, it’s the least she deserves. “I truly had no idea where I would go. I would’ve probably ridden with no destination in mind.”
“That sounds dangerous.” Sighing, he nods slowly, trying to come up with what to say next.
“Yeah. But where else could I go?” Grabbing a stick from the ground, he keeps the fire going.
“Back to Boston. Or you could’ve stayed at Tommy’s, I’m sure they wouldn’t have had a problem.” Sitting back once again, he crosses his arms, pressing his chin to his chest.
“I can’t go back to Boston. I killed a FEDRA agent, remember?” Now it’s her eyes that widen slightly.
“Yeah, right.” They stay silent for a few seconds, but he guesses curiosity got the better of her. “You never told me why you did that.” He steals a quick glance at her before fixing his eyes back to the fire.
“I don’t know.” He takes a few seconds to breathe and wrestle with the idea of telling her the truth. “My body just acted on instinct.” She gives him a faint hum.
“I guess that makes sense.” He wanted to tell her ‘ because you reminded me of Sarah. Because a fucking soldier put a bullet on my baby’s stomach and I wouldn’t let him do it to another kid under my watch. ’ He didn’t.
“And about Jackson, I didn’t want to impose. So the best solution was to find somewhere else to go.” From his peripheral vision, he sees her nod.
“You could’ve gone back to the old couple’s shack. They might’ve taken you in.” He lets out a bit of air through his nose, the closest thing to a chuckle.
“Sure, they would’ve welcomed me with open arms.” Finally looking at her, he finds her looking at him, her cheek resting on top of her knees.
“For what it's worth, I’m really glad you didn’t leave.” He gulps visibly, trying to get rid of the knot on his throat. “Letting me have a say in it was cool of you.” Kids and their words. “I like Tommy and all, but I don’t know.” Moving her head, she replaces her cheek with her chin, looking straight ahead at the fire. “It wouldn’t have been the same, you know?”
“I know.” His voice is too shaky for his liking, but she doesn’t comment on it.
“And I know it’s hard for you to-” she doesn’t seem to know how to keep going, but she does “- to do this. With me. So, thank you for agreeing to come along.” He has no idea what to say to that. He has too many emotions he doesn’t know how to express. So he settles with the next best thing. Placing a hand on her shoulder, he squeezes it, and as she looks up at him, he gives her a tight nod and a smile. Without another word, she smiles as bright as the sun and gets her attention back to the fire.
His hand doesn’t leave her shoulder for a long time.