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The moment she gets the garage door to open, she feels like she can breathe again. Her body is freezing, shivering from the cold and the pure adrenaline running through her blood. She has no idea what to do, how to make anything right. Joel’s bleeding out and she’s just panicking, what a fucking joke.
A rag. A dirty rag, but enough to keep his blood from spilling. She puts pressure on it, and the second she does, Joel’s eyes open wide, a scream leaving his body. It startles her, but she never lets go.
His hand finds her arm, grasping it a bit too tight, but she doesn’t complain, doesn’t even acknowledge it. He’s hurting, she is too, but his pain is worse, hers is just internal.
“You need to go.” His voice is hoarse, hers isn’t.
“Shut up, Joel.” She doesn’t take her eyes off his wound, not even when he tries to pull her away from it.
“Ellie-.” He’s hellbent on making her leave him, but she won’t. She can’t .
“Joel, shut the fuck up!” She childishly believes that with those simple words, he’ll stop complaining and talking nonsense, but it’s just because for a second, she forgets who she’s talking to. It all comes back when he grabs her by the lapel of her coat and pushes her towards his face.
“You leave and you go North. Go find Tommy.” She holds his gaze, trying to come out with anything to say. He really can’t expect her to just walk away, can he? Was everything they’ve done, everything they’ve silently spoken about for nothing? “Just go .” She doesn’t expect him to get physical, but he does, and the moment her ass hits the floor, she is bewildered.
A tear runs down his face, and she doesn’t know if it’s because of the pain from the wound or the repercussions of his actions. He’s trying to push her away, make her hate him so that it’s easier on her. Well, fuck him .
Decidedly, she grabs his coat and places it on top of him, covering the entire top half of his body. Silently, but never taking his eyes off him, she stands up, just staring at him for a few seconds before storming up the stairs.
For a brief second, she considers his words, making her freeze right as she’s about to open the door. But suddenly, flashes of a night she’s wanted to forget for a long time, play right before her eyes.
‘ We don’t quit. Whether it’s two minutes, or two days, we don’t give that up. I don’t want to give that up. ’
She didn’t quit then, when everything felt completely lost. She won’t give up now, not if there’s still a chance. She’s already lost Riley, she’s not going to lose the only other person she’s ever loved. She won’t let it happen.
She searches every door, every cabinet, every corner of the house, she won’t leave empty handed. The second she finds the needle and thread, she feels a short sense of relief that is replaced by sheer terror the moment she comes to terms with what she’s going to have to do.
It’s lucky she doesn’t trip on any of the stairs as she makes her way down to the basement once again. Her knees are on the floor the second she’s close enough to Joel. He’s shivering, eyes closed until her hand grabs his.
They just stay there, quietly looking at each other, no words needed. His fingers squeeze hers and that’s the answer she needs. He wants her to save herself, but he’s grateful she’s stayed.
Her hands are shaking, but she somehow makes it work. And no matter in how much pain he is, and how awful she feels for it, she doesn’t stop, not until she’s sure everything is stitched together.
“It’s done. It’s done.” She allows herself to sit down when the blanket and jacket are all the way up to his chin once again. “It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.” She feels like she’s lying to herself. The shivering and the blood loss he’s experienced are not symptoms of a minor wound, but she’s still got hope.
“Ellie.” Her head snaps up at the sound of his voice. “You need-” what she needs is for him to shut up and conserve his strength. “You need to be careful.” His hand gets out from underneath the blanket, making it move and slide down. She’s up in a matter of seconds, but before she gets the chance to place the blanket right where it was, he grabs her hand. “Promise me.” She freezes on the spot, knees on the floor. “ Promise me that-” he struggles to breathe “-that you’ll run at the first sign of trouble.” The scoff that comes out of her mouth is instinctive. “You can make it out alive.” He doesn’t need to say anything else, she can read between the lines. ‘ You can, but I can’t .’
“Seriously, Joel. Just shut up.” She doesn’t intend to come off as mean as she does, but she can’t help it.
“Ellie.” He’s struggling to keep his eyes open, she can tell. “ Please .” Her heart stops beating as a tear runs down his face. “ Please .”
“You can’t-” her voice shakes, full of pent-up emotion. “You can’t make me promise that.” She shakes her head repeatedly, trying to keep the tears at bay. “You can’t .” Something starts stroking her hand, and as she looks down, she sees his thumb slowly going up and down.
“Kiddo.” The softness in his voice, the sheer tenderness of a simple word, opens the floodgates. “It’s the only way you’ll be safe.” His eyes close for a bit too long before he opens them again. “I need you to be safe.” She stares at him, mouth agape, tears streaming down her face, before her forehead touches his chest and she starts sobbing . “Ellie-”
“I can’t leave you.” Suddenly his hand leaves hers, and for a split second, she thinks he’s going to try and push her away. That maybe he doesn’t care about her as much as she cares about him. But every self-deprecating thought disappears once his hand finds her hair, running over it, somehow making her cry even harder. “ Joel .”
“It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.” He throws her words back at her, much softer than she did.
She has no idea how long she stays in that position, only daring to move once she can’t feel his hand moving any longer. Panic overtakes her for a second, but once she feels the steady movement of his chest, she calms down, reassured.
She spends hours sitting by his side, making sure he’s still breathing. She’s scared shitless. Of not knowing what to do, of what’s out there, of not having a clue about how to make him feel better. But the greatest fear of all is losing him. Losing the only person who’s cared for her as much as Joel does. The only person apart from Riley that she couldn’t picture her life without anymore.
She’s already lost the person she loved once, she’s not letting it happen again. He’ll make it. He has to.