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The night after the Kraang battle was one of the worst and best of Raphael’s life.
The worst in that every member of his family was hurt, New York had been destroyed, and his little brother had thrown himself into the line of fire while implying it was because he’d learned it from Raph-
The best in that his family was alive. Extremely broken and bruised, but alive. Casey’s future, with a life that consisted of living in caves and eating rats, would never come to pass. New York was destroyed, but his family was intact.
He’d probably feel bad about that normally, but he knew that he’d sacrifice New York a hundred times over to keep his family safe. His brothers would probably be horrified if they knew what he was thinking. (or maybe they wouldn’t. He knew what they all were capable of when properly motivated)
But things weren’t good yet. Not even close.
Leo passed out the minute they met up with April and the others. His wounds were practically pouring blood at that point, and the cracks in his shell sent phantom pains panging through Raph’s own shell every time he looked at them.
As soon as Leo passed out, so did Mikey, not that he seemed happy about it.
“What the hell-?” he’d said blankly as his legs slowly gave out on him. Donnie, cursing madly, ran over and just barely managed to catch the younger turtle as his consciousness fully faded. Raph, who’d been holding Leo, looked over with thinly veiled panic. He didn’t want to panic, everyone else was doing that already, but he could feel it creeping through his mind. Eerily similar to when the Kraang had invaded his memories.
He shivered at the memory, shaking himself off once and attempting to gather himself. He could freak out later. His brothers needed him now.
“Donnie,” he said, keeping his voice level. “What’s the damage?”
Donnie swallowed harshly, looking down at the small turtle in his arms. Mikey’s arms were still glowing harshly, and though the light was fading, the shakiness seemed to be getting worse.
“I-I don’t know,” Donnie said weakly, sliding to the ground and adjusting Mike carefully. “Nerve damage, maybe? He’s never done something that powerful before. I have no idea how that might have affected him.”
Raph winced. If Donnie was willing to admit that he didn’t know something, then things really were bad. Raph saw Donnie’s hand wander almost absentmindedly to his battle shell before he balled his hand into a fist and forced it back down.
Raph frowned. Had Donnie been hurt too?
Suddenly, Casey pushed his way to the front, dropping to his knees in front of Mikey and Donnie. Donnie jerked, shoving his arm protectively over his younger brother, but relaxed once he realized who it was.
“Oh, my god…” Casey said shakily, hovering his hands over Mikey’s arms. “Did he make a portal?”
“Is that bad?” Raph asked, adjusting Leo in his arms as April and Dad came over to check him over.
“Well- I mean, he’s still alive, so he’s already doing better than I expected,” Casey said then, oblivious to the sharp tension that filled the air at his words.
“He could have died ?” Donnie asked faintly, his gaze miles away.
Casey looked up from Mikey’s arms as if suddenly realizing the thoughts he’d put into everyone’s heads.
“Oh-! No, that’s not what I meant. I mean, uh…” his hand moved to rub the back of his neck, a move that was so distinctly Leo that Raph felt his breath leave him completely.
“It doesn’t matter.” Raph finally forced out, taking his role as the eldest with a stranglehold grip. He wasn’t going to let everyone fall apart, not yet.
“He’s alive.” he said firmly, “and he’s going to stay that way, right?”
Donnie broke his eyes away from the horizon, looking Raph briefly in the eyes. “I- yeah, you’re right.” he finally stuttered out. “We need to get back to the lair, treat everyone’s injuries.”
Raph nodded in agreement and was about to get up when Casey’s voice stopped him in his tracks.
“Wait! Wait, hold on. I have some emergency med supplies.” he proceeded to pull out a small plastic container, dutifully labeled ‘extra med supplies,’ “Let me at least wrap the worst of their wounds before we move them.”
He glanced dubiously at Leo then, his gaze clearly communicating just how bewildered he was that the turtle was still alive. “Especially his.”
“Oh, yeah, that’s a good idea,” Raph said, adjusting Leo again, making sure to be especially careful with his shell.
Donnie eyed the size of the med kit suspiciously. “Um, no offense, but I don’t think that thing can carry more than two, maybe three, bandaids.”
Casey smiled lightly, placing the med kit on the floor and opening it up. “Well yeah, it needed to fit in my pocket after all.”
“What are you-?” Donnie asked, only to be cut off by the sudden wiring of machinery.
The med kit sparked once, a familiar purple, before suddenly expanding. Donnie yelped, scrambling backward with the unconscious Mikey still in his arms as the once small med kit seemingly doubled in size in a matter of seconds. When it finished, still humming faintly with mystic energy, Casey rushed forward to grab a bundle of bandages, as well as what looked to be disinfectant.
Donnie gaped, staring at the med kit with stars in his eyes. This caused Raph to relax slightly. Seeing that familiar light in Donnie’s eyes again made things feel lighter than they were, like they were just hanging out in the lair, with no world-ending monsters or life-threatening injuries. Just his family, smiling happily together. And even if there was still so much to do, Raph knew very suddenly that things would turn out alright.
Casey motioned for Donnie to bring Mikey closer, pulling a long blanket out of one of the med kit compartments and motioning for Donnie to place the younger turtle on top if it. Donnie fingered the material of the blanket curiously, rubbing his fingers over it gently as if afraid he would damage it.
Everyone else watched silently as Casey carefully disinfected and wrapped the cracks that now ran up and down Mikey’s forearms. His hands were steady, the movements familiar.
“Leo taught you medical stuff, didn’t he?” Raph asked suddenly, startling Casey slightly.
“Oh, um, yeah, he did,” Casey said in response, taping Mikey’s bandages down with some medical tape.
“That makes sense,” Donnie said faintly, still staring intently at the med kit and everything in it. “You said you were his pupil, right?”
“Right,” Casey said tightly, staring firmly at Mikey’s other arm as he began to wrap that one too.
“I can tell,” Raph said quietly, repeating it when Casey looked at him curiously. “I can tell, you act like him, like Leo.”
Casey blinked dumbly, his eyes blown wide. “I do?”
“Raph’s right,” Donnie said, nodding. “I didn’t notice until now, but you two are very similar.”
“Oh…” Casey said faintly, fastening the last bandage. “Huh…”
Seemingly just noticing that his work was done, Casey shook himself off and grabbed another one of those blankets from the kit. He laid it down and motioned for Raph to put Leo on it, which he did, extremely carefully.
Leo looked so fragile then, his face slack with unconsciousness and his body covered in wounds. It reminded Raph quite suddenly of a time when they were kids when Leo had fallen off the ladder that led out of the sewer.
Raph couldn’t have been any older than three at the time, Leo even younger, but he could never forget the way his little brother had looked back then. Curled up on the ground, so small compared to the endless sea of concrete that stretched around him.
Splinter had hurried back down as fast as he could, but by the time he made it, Leo had already been screaming his head off for at least a minute by himself.
Raph remembered then how Dad had scooped Leo up and gasped at the crack that spanned a small area of his brother’s shell. Raph, who hadn’t know what was happening, only that his brother was hurt, had crawled toward Leo curiously, flinching back when Leo’s wailing hurt his ears. They’d hurried back inside, Dad putting them down in their makeshift nest and sprinting away with hurried promises that he’d be back soon with medicine, and suddenly it was just Raph and Leo.
Well, Donnie and Mikey had been there too, but they somehow managed to stay asleep the entire time.
Raph, who was too young to even understand the words his dad had said before he’d left, had looked around at the empty lair fearfully. Leo’s crying had eventually petered off, and he’d since laid down on his side pitifully. His shell was still cracked, but the energy to cry over it was all gone.
That’s what Raph was remembering now, little baby Leo, lying on his side with a crack in his shell and looking smaller than he’d ever looked before.
Raph hadn’t known what to do then, and he didn’t know what to do now.
Suddenly, Casey’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts.
“Ok, that should be good for now.”
Raph blinked, looking down at Leo, who suddenly had what seemed to be dozens of bandages covering his body.
“Oh, uh,” Raph said, scrambling to come up with a response. “That’s great,” he said finally, “good job Casey.”
Casey blushed, looking away sharply, “Ah, um, no problem?”
“Am I good to move him?” Raph asked, slowly edging his arms under Leo’s limp form.
Casey nodded, reaching over to help gently roll Leo into his brother’s arms. “Yup, just move slow.”
Raph nodded, slowly getting to his feet once Leo was situated. He looked over Donnie’s direction, spotting him already standing with Mikey in his arms.
Casey, once he was finished packing the med kit back up, joined them on his feet, turning in the direction of the lair instinctively. He looked back then, looking to Raph for the word to move out.
“Alright, gang,” Raph said, taking a deep breath to mask the nerves he could still feel buzzing in his chest. “Let’s go home.”
Donnie nodded, pressing a button on his gauntlet that made the turtle tank on the other side of the parking lot they’d been sitting in suddenly roar to life. Casey practically jumped out of his skin, and so did Raph, but he restrained himself for Leo’s sake.
“Jesus, Donnie!” He said, trying to calm his racing heartbeat, “When did that even get here?”
“Didn’t you notice when April left?” Donnie asked, raising a dubious eyebrow as the girl in question leaped out of one of the windows, waving wildly as if to get their attention. Not that she needed to.
Raph looked around, realizing with a guilt-filled grimace that he hadn’t.
Donnie read his expression instantly, “Not that I blame you, of course.” he said quickly, “It was difficult to look away, even for a second.”
Casey nodded in agreement, already moving in the direction of the tank. Knowing he wasn’t going to be winning this argument, Raph acquiesced, following after Casey quietly. He heard it as Donnie followed too, the sound of his battle shell rubbing against his soft shell unmistakable, no matter how faint it was.
“Don’t forget to take your battle shell off in the tank,” Raph said quietly, leaning over to say it softly. “You’ve had it on too long.”
Donnie didn’t say anything for a second, and when Raph turned to look at him, his expression was one Raph didn’t recognize. Disgust mixed with resignation mixed with…possibly fear?
Catching Raph’s gaze, Donnie smiled sardonically, “Fine, if you insist.”
“I do,” Raph said faintly, his brow creased in confusion. He could almost hear Leo commenting on his chasm as he did so, pausing to laugh silently to himself.
Donnie shot him a curious look, but he waved the other turtle off, not wanting to get into it right now.
Eventually, they made it into the tank, Casey sprinting ahead to set up Leo and Mikey’s chairs, so they were reclined instead of upright. April joined him after a second, clearly happy to have something to do.
After setting Leo down and using as many seatbelts as possible to make sure neither he nor Mikey would slide off during the drive, Raph took his seat at the front and started the tank.
The ride home passed in a blur, and before he knew it, he was pulling into their makeshift garage with a heavy sigh.
Splinter met them outside, motioning them toward the medbay he’d set up in their absence. Casey took to the medbay instantly, grabbing hold of tools and medications Raph had never even heard of before with confidence that belied his softly shaking hands.
Raph found himself wanting to reach out and comfort the younger teenager who reminded him so much of family that it hurt. But at the same time, Casey was still a stranger. He didn’t know what would calm him down or what would send him spiraling. There was so much he didn’t know, now more than ever. Struck dumb by his lack of knowledge, Raph found himself just kind of lingering in a corner, watching with wide eyes as Casey and April flitted between Leo and Mikey at a rapid-fire pace.
At some point, they pulled out materials to start fixing his brother’s shell, and Raph felt himself pale dramatically. He’d never had too many issues with medical stuff, he wasn’t like Donnie in that regard, but if there was one thing that was guaranteed to get him nauseous, it was shell damage. Something about it made some instinctual fear of his rise up, and no matter how much he wanted to keep watching, to make sure his brothers would be ok, Raph fled the medbay almost instantly, a hand pressed harshly over his mouth.
Once outside, he realized that he was alone.
Everyone else was still in the medbay, too laser-focused on Leo and Mikey to even notice that he’d left. Not that he blamed them.
Unable to even consider going back in there, Raph stumbled tiredly to the living room, collapsing on the couch as soon as he made it.
It was there, in the quiet of the living room, that Raph felt himself finally begin to relax for what felt like the first time in forever. Leo and Mikey would be ok, Casey and April would make sure of that, and everyone else was ok too. No one was dead. They were all safe.
It was with this relaxation that the pain finally rolled back in.
Raph hissed, grabbing at his eye with a barely restrained growl. He hadn’t noticed it before, probably because of the adrenaline that had been pumping through his veins, but his eye was absolutely killing him. He blinked, trying to get the pain to fade, only to notice something else that had his back tensing up.
Was it just his imagination, or were things…blurrier out of that eye?
He blinked again, and shook his head for good measure, but the blurriness persisted.
Filled with a sudden feeling of dread, Raph dragged himself up from the couch and stumbled over to the nearest bathroom. He flung the door open and practically fell onto the sink, looking up at the mirror with wide eyes.
What he saw in the mirror pulled a sharp gasp from his throat, and he reached up with shaky hands toward his eye, which looked worse than he’d thought.
It was the eye he’d ripped the Kraang influence out of, that was for certain. It was bright red now, but he had a feeling it’d looked better before, given that no one had dragged him into the medbay yet. The color seemed different too, not just the redness, but the actual color of his eye. Instead of the dark brown he’d come to know, his right eye was lighter, almost pinkish. There were long scratches too, both above and below his eye. He could remember a vague feeling of pain when he’d ripped the influence out, something catching on his skin and refusing to let go, but he’d been so desperate to be free that he’d just pulled harder. In retrospect, that probably wasn’t his smartest moment, but he could still feel the panic that being under their control had brought him. At the time, he might’ve just ripped off his own arm if he’d had to.
He’d needed to get them out .
He heard voices then, what sounded like Donnie and April coming closer and closer to the door.
“Raph?” April’s voice called out, “where’d you go, man?”
Raising his eyes to the mirror once more, Raph carefully scrutinized the injury. It was bad, that was for sure, but it wasn’t any worse than what Leo and Mikey had going on. He knew for a fact that everyone would freak out if they saw this, but they couldn’t afford that right now. They needed to focus on those who were badly injured. Raph could wait.
And so, splashing a quick handful of water in his face, Raph threw the door to the bathroom open, rushing past Donnie and April and making sure to keep his right side pointed away from them.
“Hey guys, status?” he asked, looking sidelong at the two.
April nodded, rushing into a mess of words about Leo and Mikey’s condition, something Raph listened dutifully to.
He ignored the still pulsing pain radiating from his eye or even the pain in his side that was just now surfacing. His family needed him. He couldn’t afford to break down. Not yet.
(Somewhere in the back of his mind, a voice that sounded suspiciously like Mikey’s said quietly that maybe Raph didn’t want to tell them not to spare their feelings but to spare his own.)
Not yet.