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Why is it that every time Jonathan drives, it’s under extremely stressful or awkward conditions? Right now, it was both. As if the trip through a dry desert hell last spring wasn’t enough, now he’s in a car packed with various foods, clothes and two hormonal angry teens in the back and a four hour trip into a bright and hot summer day ahead of them.
Jonathan told himself he wouldn’t blame his mom- but he’s sure as shit will blame Steve for this absolute setup .
It all started with an innocent idea of going on a trip away from Hawkins for a summer. Multiple ideas came up at that time: a trip to a different state- florida maybe. Then the idea of going on a beach trip excited the group- but that would’ve been a whole week kind of trip, they didn’t want to spend so much time traveling to get to a destination they’d only be at for a day. Plus… they didn’t want to be too far from Hawkins, with Max still recovering in the hospital.
That’s right. When Jonathan says group- he meant the group. Which led to his current situation and silent cursing of Steve.
When they decided on a lake day, they had to figure out the car situation. Who was gonna ride with who. They decided it’d be him, Nancy, El, Will and his mom and Hopper was gonna take Dustin, Lucas, Erica and Mike.
And just when he thought the car assignments were settled, just as they were all packing into the cars , Steve decided he was also coming at the last minute. Naturally, Dustin hopped into his car almost immediately with Lucas and Erica in tow. And much to Jonathan’s surprise, El decided she wanted to go with Steve as well, giving Will a subtle side eye as she did.
That left Nancy, Mike, Will and his mom to pick between Hopper or his car. His mom and hopper were already going into Hopper’s car and Jonathan smiled at Nancy, expecting her to get into the car with him and Mike and Will would ride with Hopper.
Instead Nancy glared at Mike until he dragged his feet into Jonathan’s car and looked at Will with a softer look. They had some sort of silent conversation before Will conceded and got into the back seat.
Jonathan remembers the pleading look she gave him as she said, “ They’re in trouble. They have to talk and I don’t know what else to do. Can you help them?”
Jonathan nodded his head as she turned to Hopper’s car.
“Good thing Steve came by huh? Car’s not so packed anymore!” Hopper called out as he pulled out of the driveway with Nancy and Joyce.
Jonathan clenched the steering wheel tighter, yep he thought, good thing he came by .
The air in the car was so tense, Jonathan cracked open the windows just to breathe in hot air. More silence. Casting a look at the two boys from the rearview mirror, more avoiding each other and whatever situation was going on.
Jonathan didn’t understand. During the whole Vecna thing, they seemed fine. They were spending time together, talking like Jonathan remembers them doing back when they were kids. Everything was normal.
Then, after vecna’s death and the final closing of the gates a month ago, Mike and El broke up and then Mike and Will just stopped talking to each other. Were those two events related? Did their break up somehow involve Will? What did Mike and El breaking up have to do with Will? He knows how Will feels about Mike… and he’s starting to think Nancy knows too. But if Will said anything to Mike or even El, he’d definitely tell Jonathan if he did.
So what the hell is up?
The road they were on was lined with wildlife. Tall trees, sunlight peeking out through the full leaves and framing the road ahead of them so beautifully, it makes Jonathan want to pull over and take out his camera to capture it.
But. They were only 20 minutes into their road trip and Jonathan decided he couldn’t take the silence anymore. He paid no mind to the two in the back as he turned on whatever cassette was left in the player.
I would say I’m sorry if I thought that it would change your mind-
Thunk . Will let his head roll to rest against the window. Mike was glaring daggers at the car floor.
Ok. Maybe bad choice of song. Jonathan sighed, eyes focused back on the road. What now?
He decided to ask.
“What do I do guys?” He spoke to the backseat.
Will didn’t move from his spot at the window, but glanced from his peripheral. Mike startled out of his thoughts and made eye contact with Jonathan through the rear view mirror.
“What?” Mike questioned.
Jonathan exhaled, “You guys are so different from how you used to be. I never thought I’d see the day where you two adamantly wanted nothing to do with each other-“
The boys moved from their spots to negate the statement.
“That’s not true-“
“I didn’t say that-“
Their heads snapped to each other in equal surprise. Jonathan focused on the road.
“- I mean you guys have been friends since before you even knew how to spell the word.” Jonathan smiled to himself as a memory surfaced, “the last time I ever saw you two fight- it was over something so stupid. But you guys were like six- you made up almost immediately.”
Mike and Will turned away from each other again, this time looking back at Jonathan.
This, he can do. He loved remembering Will when he was younger, his floppy bowl cut moving with excitement whenever he retold a story from his day at school and the bright smile he’d give whenever he showed one of his drawings. This memory was especially precious to him, it also happened to be the first time he met Nancy.
“You two got into a fight at the park. Remember I used to take you there because you wanted to see if Mike would be there too?”
Will turned red. Jonathan tried to suppress the urge to laugh at his younger brother's embarrassment as he answered shakily, “Yeah..”
“Well, it was one of those times when he was- Lucas was there too. Nancy was babysitting them so while you two were playing, Nancy and I were awkwardly watching over you guys when Mike suddenly got really mad.”
Now it was Mike’s turn to be embarrassed. He definitely remembers this now but Jonathan decided to remind him vocally anyway.
“Because, I think you had said something to Lucas which led to Mike asking you if you thought he looked pretty.”
It was easy to see the moment of remembrance between the two because of how they instantly side eyed each other. Jonathan pressed his lips together, a smile still forming on his lips as he remembered little Mike grabbing Will by his hoodie and practically dragging him away from the sandbox where Lucas and him were innocently playing.
Will played with a strand of hair, “Yeah. Yeah I remember. I told Lucas that his drawing from class was pretty.”
“And Mike,” Jonathan added, “you got so upset when he said no. So you took him by the head and forced him to look at you then asked him again,” Jonathan was laughing now, “And as soon as he said yes, you smiled and dragged him back to play with Lucas as if nothing happened.”
Mike smiled despite himself, “Yeah I remember that.”
Will stared at Mike with such a tender look, Jonathan wondered if that was the first sentence he’s heard Mike speak in over a month. Or maybe first smile.
“You dragged me to the swings after I said that to Lucas and dropped that question on me with so much urgency.” He seemed to soften at the memory, a small smile on his face, “Why did you do that?”
Mike shrugged, his ears turning an impossible shade of red, “Why do I do anything?”
Will looked like he was about to laugh, but stopped. His eyes darkened, he cast his gaze to the ground and the smile faded, “Been asking myself that for months.”
Now it was Mike’s turn to look away miserably.
And just like that: whatever nostalgic, easy atmosphere they were building came crashing down under the weight of their problem.
Jonathan bit the inside of his cheek, looking between the two before adjusting his grip on the wheel.
“Ok.”
Jonathan swung the car off the road at the last second and onto a beaten dirt path.
The sudden turn took the two boys in the back by surprise. They held onto the doors to keep from scrambling around the car as Jonathan slammed the breaks and threw the car into park.
He threw open the car door, “Get out.”
Mike casted one confused glance to Will, who returned the look tenfold. Nevertheless, the boys did as they were told.
Once they were all out, Jonathan spread his arms.
“Congratulations, it’s sharing time. What the hell is going on with you two?”
Silence.
“What is it? Mike? What’s the problem you have with Will?”
Silence and this time, his shoes were more interesting.
“Will? Why are you mad at Mike?”
Will crossed his arms and answered, much to Jonathan’s relief, “I’m not mad at Mike.”
“Then what’s the issue?” He pressed.
“It’s just-“
Mike swirled around, “Wait, we're actually doing this?”
Will looked at him in annoyance, “You got a better idea?“
“Yeah! How about not doing this in front of your brother? ”
“God Mike- doing what? Arguing ? You think my brother hasn’t seen two people arguing before?”
“You know what I mean, Will! It doesn’t concern him,” Mike looked at Jonathan with a seriousness that didn’t move him, “so he should just butt out !”
“Maybe it does concern him!” Will stepped closer, slightly leaning forward, “I wouldn’t know because you’re not talking to me!” He pressed a finger to his chest, “You’ve been ignoring me and avoiding me all month long and haven’t given me a single clue as to why !”
Mike swatted his hand away and stepped up to Will, “How stupid do you think I am Will? You know why I’m mad! You know. You and El , know. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Jonathan knew too!” He spat Jonathan’s name out which made the elder twitch slightly.
Nevertheless, Jonathan watched the whole conversation like an intense tennis match. He only finally came back to reality at seeing the blood drain from his little brother's face.
“What are you talking about?”
Mike laughed humorlessly, crossing his arms, “You’re real friends now aren’t you, you and El? You know- lying and playing with a person’s feelings isn’t actually all that funny.”
Will (and Jonathan, might he add), looked as confused as ever, “I- I don’t get what’s going on.”
“The painting? What you said? In the van? The fact El had no idea- sorry,” he brought his hands up for air quotations, “ ‘ no idea’ what the painting was?”
Will’s confusion turned to panic at lightning speed. This seemed to only confirm Mike’s suspicions, even though Jonathan knew he was way off the mark.
“But, according to you, she commissioned it and told you she was afraid of losing me ? And that she needs me?” Mike shrugged, “I guess I should’ve realized you were lying sooner. You know, like after she broke up with me .”
Mike stood up straight, despite the miserable smile on his face as he looked at Will, “So much for being needed, right?”
“Mike…” Will’s voice was hearse as though he hadn’t drank water for months.
Mike however, was on a roll, “So, did she put you up to it or was it a joint idea?” The sarcasm in Mike’s words dripped with venom, “or maybe it was all your idea? God- you knew exactly what to say, didn’t you? Make me this heartfelt painting, say all these pretty words and get me to believe that my girlfriend actually wanted me and needed me-all while knowing that she’d dump me? What kind of fucking joke is that?”
“Mike…” Will tried again, but his voice was just as weak as before.
“And you know what I’m really pissed about? It’s not even the joke itself.” He swallowed, “It’s the fact that you lied , Will. You know almost everything about me, you knew exactly how to get to me and you- you used that.”
Jonathan watched in silent awe as Mike choked up, the rims of his eyes turning red and he blinked as if it burned, “What’s more fucked up is that in the moment— a part of me actually thought maybe it was you who felt that way.”
Jonathan’s heart fell to his ass at that moment. Maybe it was sibling esp or something because judging by the way Will froze, he felt the same.
Jonathan continued to watch Mike as he talked. The younger boy’s face was laced with hurt, pain and betrayal. He genuinely believes Will manipulated him for a poor joke.
“Or maybe I just wanted to think that. Because… the thought of El actually loving me that way?” He shook his head, looking up to the sky as if that’d stop the tears threatening to fall, “that was scary.”
He wrapped his arms around himself, “I didn’t love her like that. Not then and not now.” He shook his head, “And you said everything I ever wanted to hear. Now I know it was just a lie. And that hurts so much-“
“Mike!” Will’s watery voice cried.
Jonathan’s head snapped to Will so quickly, the back of his neck cracked. Will’s face was blotchy and red puffy eyes blinked away tears that silently streamed down his face. He silently cursed himself for not watching his brother during this…weird impromptu rant session. But before he could move to hug him, he stopped himself.
This wasn’t Jonathan’s problem. Mike was right, it really wasn’t any of his business. So… any consoling, any words to be said, any reassurance that everything would be alright, can’t come from him.
It had to come from Mike.
So against Jonathan’s nature, he stayed in place and looked at Mike for his next move.
Jonathan has known Mike for almost as long as he’s known Will. He knows Mike. He’s seen Mike sad, angry, annoyed and happy. He knows what makes Mike strong and what makes him weak.
And as soon as Mike heard his name being cried out, that feigned strength he wore like armor rusted and turned to dust as he faced Will crying.
His eyebrows turned down in concern, his arms unfolded and reached out in gentle beckoning to Will, “Hey. Why are you crying? I’m the one who got hurt here.”
Jonathan figured he might’ve meant that as another jab, but his voice was too soft and too concerned for those words to have any real heat.
“I’m sorry for lying to you Mike.” Will let out in a burst of emotion, “I’m sorry! I- I just, I didn’t know what to do and, and… and I’m just really sorry I made you feel like, like you don’t matter. Like you aren’t needed or wanted . God, I was trying to do the opposite!”
Mike’s frown deepened, “No! No- I mean… I mean…” he trailed off, confusion replacing the hurt from before, “Will I- you, you don’t have to cry? The apology is enough, I swear. Don’t cry.”
Mike’s hands hovered around Will, unsure where to touch or if he were allowed to touch at all. Jonathan wanted to laugh at Mike’s panic, but he understands though. He’d burn the world down if it meant stopping Will from crying, he hates seeing his little brother in pain.
Will wasn’t budging though. He brought his hands up to his face to wipe the tears as quickly as they came, “You just seemed so sad and you’re right, I knew what would make you happy so I said what I said. But don’t be mad at El, she didn’t even know about the painting!”
He shook his head, his eyes pleading, “And I didn’t know she’d- she’d break up with you . I just thought that… I thought those words and that painting would mean more to you if they came from her.”
Mike stopped breathing.
“So I lied.” Will sniffed, trying to stop his tears, “But everything I said was true.”
Mike's voice was small, he visibly deflated as his arms fell to his sides, “what?”
“I lied that El said those things. It…it was me. I said them. I meant them. ” Will let out a huff of breath, standing up straighter than before. Jonathan held his breath, waiting for what he knew was coming next.
“Mike, you make me feel like I’m not the mistake I’ve always believed that I am. You’ve always made me feel like… I didn’t need to be something that I’m not. I need you just as much as you need El and I was terrified of losing you because of that.” He wiped the last of his tears.
“I'm in love with you, Mike. I have been for a really long time.”
Jesus Christ, Jonathan needs some lessons from Will. The delivery of that was just so… it left Jonathan breathless. He can feel his heart squeeze at the confession but also snap in two at the pure pain on his brother's face. And by the look of Mike, he was feeling the same way.
Mike stood there in silent shock, staring at Will for a couple more seconds before he abruptly turned to Jonathan.
“Go away.”
“Right.” Jonathan awkwardly scratched his ear and walked to the hood of the car. Good distance away to give privacy and he can still hear everything.
It was quiet for a couple more seconds, which might’ve been hours for Will.
“Mike?” Will’s voice was small but pleading, “Say something?”
“I love you.” Mike stated immediately and definitively.
Jonathan looked up to the sky in silent cursing. While he’s happy for his brother, and he knows this is a really important and tense moment for the boys….
He also has every right to be annoyed at how cute this all is. And that his own significant other isn’t here.
God these two are making him miss Nancy.
Will shook his head and backed away but Mike grabbed his arm and pulled him closer. Jonathan bit the inside of his cheek to keep from aw-ing. Mike brought his hands gently up to Will’s upper arms to keep him from moving further away.
Will responded by placing his hands on the others chest, trying to maintain some distance, “No, no you don’t it’s fine Mike-“
“Hey, you don’t get to tell me how I feel after everything that happened. I know how I feel. I’m… not as much of an idiot as you think I am, Ok?”
“Mike,” he sniffed, seemingly giving up on pulling away, “I don’t think you’re an idiot.”
Despite the seriousness of the conversation, Mike smiled and tilted his head in a teasing manner, “I mean, there has to be some truth behind it. Look how long it took for me to realize you felt the same way I did.”
Will’s cheeks burned, his eyes darted up but his head stayed low, “You..feel the same way? For real? Since when?”
“Since you left.” Mike swallowed and Will nodded for him to explain.
“When you left, I was…miserable. Everywhere I turned, I was reminded of you. I thought about you every day, I even- I even wrote to you but every letter I finished just revealed more and more and eventually I stopped trying. I shouldn’t have stopped trying and I’m sorry that I did. I’m sorry for going radio silent.
“It’s ok Mike..” Will tried but Mike shook his head, pulling the other into a hug.
“No it’s not. I never sent them out but I couldn’t throw them away because- I mean I was just so confused. How did I miss you more than my own girlfriend? How was I writing books of letters to you in one envelope while I was sending single paragraphs to El?”
Will dug his head deeper into Mike’s chest.
“And that week, before I went to see you guys, I re-read those letters hoping I could maybe give them to you in person. But the way I felt was so obvious on paper and then it just- clicked. Everything made sense and the fear set in.”
The rest was self explanatory. Jonathan sighed to himself, of course. He might’ve been high the majority of the time but he noticed how weird Mike was acting at the airport and into the trip before everything went to shit. He just wasn’t in the right mind to question it.
But now all of it made sense! What an idiot!
Will gave a watery laugh, “You are an idiot.”
That’s what Jonathan said!
Mike laughed along with him. Somehow, the situation finally unfolded between the two and they saw each other in a completely new light. They understood, they talked and now with this burst of new emotion- their small laughs became louder and louder before they both doubled over into fits of laughter.
They held onto each other, Mike’s arms wrapped around Will as he laughed into his shoulder.
“You’re an idiot too!” Mike exclaimed, making Will laugh harder, “Did you really think I wouldn’t suspect anything in the van?”
“We’re both idiots!” Will responded.
Jonathan watched from the hood of his car, his brother and his best friend laugh at their own blindness. Laugh at all the times they had just barely missed each other and the truth that laid out right in front of them.
They stayed together like that. Jonathan could barely hear Mike as he whispered to Will again.
“I love you.”
Judging by the way Mike practically lit up with a goofy smile on his face, Will must’ve returned the statement. Jonathan couldn’t help his own smile that spread on his face at the sight.
When they pulled apart, taking each other in for the first time in their new understanding, Jonathan turned away. What came next wasn’t really something he wanted to store in the memory folder titled “innocent younger brother”.
As if reading his mind, once they separated, Will calls out to Jonathan.
“You can look now, weirdo!”
He turns to see Mike snicker, one hand firmly intertwined with one of Will’s.
Jonathan pulls the keys out of his pocket, smiling despite the insult and dangling the keys in front of them, “Yeah yeah, freak. Let’s go while it’s still daylight. You guys good?”
They looked at each other again and Jonathan felt a warmth spread in his chest. Jonathan recognized that look.
He sees it every time he looks in a mirror. And feels it every time he thinks of Nancy.
“We’re good.” They answer.
For the first time that trip, Jonathan exhales an easy breath.