Work Text:
Ellie noticed you quickly. You walked with heavy weights on your shoulder, dragging you down and slowing your steps. With fear-filled irises and dark circles, you jumped at every sharp movement and your appearance was not often. Keeping your head down, picking at your cuticles until the blood trickles to your fingertips. Ellie watched you with curious eyes, noticing every detail she could grasp onto.
She’d never been too interested in people beyond a surface level, too hard to trust, too easy to leave her. She decided it wasn’t worth it. Joel was left and even then, it was hard knowing if he’d end up leaving someday. She needed to grasp onto that and hold it close to her chest and pray he never leaves.
But there was something about your dark eyes and dragged feet that kept reeling Ellie in. Curiosity had always gotten the best of her in the past, no matter how much she said she’d learn from her mistakes.
“Who’s the girl?” Ellie mentions at the table, eyebrows raised in curiosity towards Tommy Joel was too busy shoveling food in his mouth, manners be damned. Tommy gave a hesitant, almost pitied look towards Maria.
The three looked over at you, as you picked at a plate of food. Probably the only time you’d leave your room, it might be a few days before Ellie could catch a glimpse of you again.
Tommy gulped, a nervous look in his eyes. Man, did Ellie make him that nervous or was there something else there? “ She came shortly before you guys, with no family or crew. Just showed up, bare-boned and one foot in the grave. Bout around your age.”
Ellie sometimes wonders how his Texan accent has survived all these years in the apocalypse, the thought about it made her giggle. Ellie turned to look at you again, you were leaving. She watched you until you were out of sight, feeling a surge in her to follow.
It terrified her.
“Thought you didn’t let people in often?” Ellie poked.
Maria sighed, “she was just a kid, looked scared shitless with nothing on her. Barely talks to anyone and stays in her room.”
Ellie thought about that conversation a lot. She always searched the crowds for you, maybe Joel was catching on. He’d nudge her shoulder when he found you first, turning his head in your direction. You read books sometimes when the weather was nice but not nice enough that large crowds would be out. Over the weeks your cheeks got fuller and your eyes a little lighter, which made Ellie swell with warmth.
Curiosity kills the cat, right ? Ellie had watched you enough to know where you resided, only a little concerned that you hadn’t caught onto her borderline stalking yet. Or you did, just did a real good job at covering it up. Ellie might be a stupid fool for sneaking off one day, finding the door that led to you and taking the leap and twisting your door open. No plan, no real intentions.
She just wanted to see you, feel the weird pang in her stomach when she caught sight of your soft-looking jaw, and your long eyelashes that always stayed low to the ground. She wondered what you smelled like, probably nice, unlike Joel who smelled like gunpowder and spite. Or Tommy who smelled of whisky and pig shit, god he’s so happy about his hogs .
The room looked empty at first, and for someone who spent most of their time in here - it was bare bones. Like how Maria described you when you first showed up to Jackson But it was warm, a stack of books on the side table, way more than Ellie would choose. A large blue knitted blanket and two large duffel bags. Stuffed to the brim with your things like you were ready to leave any moment, always ready
Then, there you were. Having come from the bathroom, wide eyes like you were a deer in Ellie’s headlights. You gasped when you noticed her presence, stunning pink lips parted slightly. Ellie caught herself staring at them for a couple seconds too long. She wasn’t sure what to do now, not having thought this far. But then the vibrant red liquid streaming down your arm caught her eye, the way it bled from the poorly placed bandage on your shoulder.
“Holy shit! Dude, are you okay?” She shot up, the words leaving her mouth faster than her brain. Ellie’s feet instinctively came closer to you, grasping at your arm. You tried to flinch away but Ellie reached out to you, you tensed at her touch - despite how gentle and innocent it was. Eyes not leaving her face as she scammed the open wound.
“Who are you?” You studded out finally, paying no mind to the sting in your shoulder as you reopened your stitch for the third time now.
“Doesn’t matter, you're bleeding!” Ellie said, so concerned. Her time inched towards the open wound, wincing as the blood gushed out like it was her own wound. “I don’t know who stitched this, but it’s really bad.”
“I did.” You muttered under your breath, slightly embarrassed by her mocking tone and closeness. Too close, but she didn’t look like moving anytime soon.
“Well, whoever taught you is a grade-A idiot.” Ellie commented, eyes searching the area until she found the open first aid kit on your toilet. Dragging you along with her into the small, cramped space. It took no time for Ellie to begin patching your wound, no other comments or introductions. For all you knew, this random girl with surprisingly warm and gentle hands just showed up to save you from an infected gash. Ellie knew nothing of you outside the small talk with Tommy and her own observations, seeing you up close was new and exciting. It made Ellie's blood pump faster and her brain short-circuit. The weird feeling in her stomach grew as she noticed the smaller details.
A few moles and freckles littered on your skin, the wispy parts of your hair that escaped the way you styled it, the cracked lips, the small scar on your eyebrow. You were so imperfectly perfect, like looking at a beloved painting just to see the cracks and brush strokes.
“How'd you get this anyways?” Ellie asked, you still seemed tense and off guard. But safety over comfort and the wound was still vibrant red before Ellie could get along to stitching it. You just watched Ellie with wild eyes, examining her – but Ellie didn’t fall insecure of your intense gaze. Ellie could be patient, she had Joel for a partner so patience had to be second nature. Your lips parted slightly to speak, and only a stutter came out before you took a breath. As if it pained you to speak.
“Uh, it's an old wound. From before,” you cough, watching Ellie as she dabbed the alcohol to clean it. You didn't wince or flinch as she had expected, you were tougher than she had expected. “But I keep ripping the stitches, I'm not very good at it.”
Ellie hummed, “I'll get you patched up.” she didn't question why you hadn't told anyone, it actually didn't surprise her much. Just glad you let her fix it, looks like you need teaching too.
That was how it started, the conversations between you two were small, quiet, and quick. Shortly after Ellie stitched you, you thanked her and smiled. Ellie almost fainted, her heart surged out of her chest and that unfamiliar feeling grew and grew until it began to eat her alive. But you weren't ready for that, she could tell, and Ellie was tired of losing people (even if she technically hadn’t had you yet, she hoped too one day) so she took it slow. So not to scare off the skittish, pretty girl with bad stitching abilities.
So Ellie left, trusting that she'd see you again and be able to touch you softly. You started to search for her gaze in the cafeteria too, Ellie would send a shy three-fingered wave and you'd quirk your lip up slightly. Not enough to call a smile, but she was getting there. Ellie hoped you wanted to see her as much as she longed to see you, even for a second. She hoped That's the reason you came more was because of her. Maybe it was stuid to thinkt hat, though.
So much so, she racked her memory for a whole day to remember the books on your side table. She only had a quick look but she remembers the work of Frankenstein and Interview With A Vampire . Joel almost choked to death on his soup when Ellie brought the subject up, told her they were old books, gothic literature. Ellie swerved the questions with ease on why she was asking about gothic literature, considering her favorite reads started and ended with knock-knock jokes and puns.
The next day, Ellie stole great expectations from the library and practically skipped to your place. No other plan besides to see you again and offer the book.
And by god, it worked better than expected. You practically lit up at the sight, Ellie didn't understand it until you started gushing about wanting said book, running your hands across the pages like they were a treasure. Ellie started to understand then, as you rambled on and her smile perked up after realizing this is the most you've spoken to her, ever . It was heaven.
It was an olive branch of sorts, Ellie didn't like reading but she realized she'd listen to whatever you said. And she did, as you sat next to each other, nudged between the floor and bed. Opposite from each other and shoes touching, oh how Ellie wanted to reach out and sit closer, line your thighs, and just feel you. It consumed her, but she just sat content with a smile as you read to her. Ellie started to make stupid comments, earning a smile from you that reached your eyes and breathy laughs. She would turn into a full-time fucking comedian if she could continue to pull those out of you.
Her visit started off small, maybe once a week, if you'd let her. You were still guarded but Ellie noticed your trust grow, so she shows up twice a week. Steal another book from the library and offer it to you, learning that she might as well put her heart in it too. It was so scary, being so ready to offer that to someone, but nothing in her being could ever stop the surge when she saw you. Every day Ellie would find you scooting closer, last Sunday you sat curled by the window with your shoulder touching. Ellie almost had a heartache when your finger grazed her thigh.
Joel noticed, equally scared and proud of Ellie for letting herself care and enjoy someone like that. He didn't get upset when he eventually noticed Ellie had missed curfew and came sneaking back past midnight.
That's when it started to change, Ellie had heard you yawn for the fourth time in the past twenty minutes. She knows you would refuse to let go of the book and tear your gaze from the pages, so she took initiative and tore the book from your soft grasp.
“Hey! Merricat was in the middle of fleeing from the bullies, I wanted to see what happened.” you whined, referring to we have always lived in this castle . You really went through books fast. Ellie smiled at your enthusiasm, but hid the book behind her back and raised her chin high, teasing, and shook her head.
“It's dark and you're tired. You should sleep.” Ellie said, eyes glancing at your bed. Your face softened, like being cared for felt wrong. Ellie was determined to make it feel like second nature for you, only if you'd let her.
“I don't want you to leave.” you breathed out like it wouldn’t fully cause Ellie to be short of breath.
Ellie just smiled, rising to her feet and offering a hand to you, you took it. Your touch burned in hers, she wanted more. “We can get breakfast in the morning and finish the story tomorrow, promise.”
You looked disappointed, and hesitant as your face dropped and your gaze fell to the floor. The sudden change scared Ellie, had she messed it up? But you took one step further, closer to Ellie's space, you looked at her. She felt a pressure on her chest, that weird feeling was back. You tugged at your bottom lip nervously, one finger searching for her hand. Ellie took it and the feeling enveloped her, brushing her thumb over your index and middle.
“Stay?” you asked, breathless. “Just for a little, stay with me?”
Ellie gulped, yet with no hesitation. She nodded, “okay. I’ll stay.”
“Till I fall asleep?” you pushed and Ellie almost started jumping up and down from excitement.
Ellie kicked off her shoes and jacket, and you follow shortly. Ellie went to turn in your direction, a gasp almost left her lips after she saw you faced in the other direction and pulled your shirt off. She knew she should turn, be polite and let you change into the oversized white shirt in privacy, but pulling her eyes off of you felt criminal. your back muscles flexed and contoured as you threw the fabric over yourself, getting a glimpse of a long scar on your left shoulder. Whatever or wherever it came from, it looks like it hurts. It hurt Ellie thinking about that.
Which still continued to terrify her.
You took her hand in yours and pulled the covers up, bodies close against each other as you squeezed onto the twin-sized bed. Ellie hoped you didn't notice the pink tint on her nose before you turned off the warm lamp.
It's then with heavy breaths and shaky words, with your head close to Ellie's chest, legs, and arms threatening to tangle themselves. Soft glances and fingers grazed across the safer parts of each other's bodies. It's then when Ellie told you about her bite, the immunity as you traced your finger over it. So gently and soft, you didn't flinch back or hesitate with your touch when she told you. You trusted her, oh my god, you trust Ellie . You trusted Ellie enough to explain your life before, through broken rambles as you struggled to find your thoughts.
“You shouldn’t like me, Ellie.” you whispered, the statement brought panic and despair to her forefront. Furrowed eyebrows as she asked what you meant. So eager. “I did stuff with the people I was with before, bad stuff – things I'm not proud of.”
“I don't care.” Ellie said honestly. “We all did shit, but that's not you.”
“I don't know…” you spoke, unsure of your own humanity and morality. But Ellie had never been so blindly sure of something ever. She huffed and turned to face you, a hitch in your breath as you lay only a few inches away from each other. Noses almost touching, Ellie could feel your breath on her.
“You're just a kid.'' Ellie breathed, the sorrow and weight that filled your eyes were too much for you to carry, Ellie wanted more than anything to just relieve some of it. “Whatever you did, wasn't your fault. I know that.”
“Ellie…”
“This is a fucked up world, okay ?” she stated, you nodded in agreement. “And if you want to talk about it… I'm here.”
Caring . Fuck, it was so foreign to Ellie. But for you it felt so right, everything about you filled the gaps in her chest. She just wanted to take all the pain inside of you and –
“My parents.” you breathed out a shaky breath, avoiding eye contact as you began to pick at your cuticle again. Ellie quickly grabbed your hand in hers, warm, and smooth the skin gently. You shivered under her touch. “They stole from the wrong group trying to survive, they caught them and kept them around for… services . Said it was a way to repay their debt, but then they didn’t come back to camp one time and their debt was put on me…”
“But you- you’re so young.” Ellie's eyebrows furrowed, she knew people were fucked up. Before and after, but this? Disbelief and worry laced her words. Almost a sense of protectiveness swelled in her chest that would make her hands shake if she thought about it too long.
“They didn't care, I was the new errand girl.” you choked, Ellie looked to see tears threatening to fall. “They made me do horrible shit, every time I close my eyes I just–”
You choked on your words as the tears started to fall, Ellie surged to close to distance. Putting a hand on your head and pulling you close to her chest, the other squeezed your hand. To tell you you were safe, here in her arms, as she now decided she’d let nothing happen to you. No supremacist asshole that took advantage of the vulnerable, especially kids. Young and pretty girls with kindness in their eyes, just waiting to squash it. That was all over for you if Ellie could help it.
Shaking in Ellie's arms, you grasped her and stained her shirt in tears. A muffled and choked stutter came from you, “I'm sorry, el.”
“Hey,” Ellie whispered, bringing your face to her and wiping the tears away with the pad of her thumb. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing .”
You looked her dead in the eye, so much fear in your eyes. But Ellie swears, once your gaze focused, you softened and almost melted into her hands. Her thumb still caressed your cheek still, it warmed you in a way you've been missing for years. For a moment, Ellie let her eyes flicker down to your lips, she could have guessed they were soft – they looked inviting enough. But she knew better than to take a leap like that when you’re hurting, just come from choked tears and –
“Can I kiss you?”
“Yes.” it left her mouth before Ellie could think, like the response was on instinct. Well, it had been on the forefront of her mind for at least a few weeks now.
Your eyes darted toward her lips for a moment, before leaning closer and finally closing the gap. Lips slanting on lips, it was better than Ellie could have ever imagined in life. You were so soft and gentle against her, like puzzle pieces coming together. Your hand fell to her waist, hesitant, like you were waiting for her to push away. She didn't, she couldn't . Another hand resting on Ellie's jaw, your hands were careful and warm. That weird feeling in Ellie's stomach that lingered when around you suddenly surged and took over the entirety of her body.
It didn't take long at all for Ellie to tug you closer, you got the signal. Not daring to leave your lips, only letting the motion grow sweeter and more passionate. Ellie rolled onto her back, pushing yourself on top of her. Each knee caging her in below you, she took the position with pride as her hands fell from your face down to your waist and back.
When you finally let go to take a breath, you pressed your forehead to her and Ellie swears she almost passed out right there. You laughed, it sounded so sweet. Like nothing matters in the world besides you and her, right now.
Ellie suddenly understood that note from Bill, you were worth saving and no motherfucker would get in the way of that. Like a train-sized epiphany hitting her in the face.
Things only began to grow at a comfortable and slow pace from them, more and more nights sneaking off to you and eventually you sneaking to Ellie's. You met Joel, got along well and that was the most important. You ate with her in the mornings and watched movies holding hands, Joel would smile proudly seeing Ellie lighten up whenever she noticed you in a room. Life came back to your face and you didn't walk with heavy shoulders anymore.
Your relationship became wordless and tentative, filled with sneaky pecks to the cheek, reading before bed, and laughing over eggs or making fun of Joel together. (“ oh god , there's two of them now.” Joel groaned when he caught you two snickering with pointed fingers in his direction after he almost tripped over his own feet.) of late nights and talks of the past, Ellie gave herself over to you, one of the scariest things ever and you only held her close with gentle touches.
There were moments like these, you had snuck off to hers and brought snacks, books, and your open heart and attention. Sitting opposite of Ellie, Ellie would nudge your foot – with only a glance as to say “come here.” and you did, resting your head on her shoulder as you finished a sleeve of saltine crackers, handing a few more to Ellie. Letting herself relish in the utter peace you brought her, the moon shined bright onto Jackson and lit your face – man, you were so beautiful in this fucked up world, Ellie would do absolutely anything for you to keep it like this. Anything for you.