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Once upon a time there were three Beetles - a big, mostly-confused Old Beetle, and a medium but very immature Smart Beetle, and a scruffy, adorable Baby Beetle - and they all lived together in a house in the woods, except every other weekend when Baby Beetle visited his parents.
One day they were about to sit down to lunch when they heard about some crime to fight on the other side of the forest, so they went off to go fight it, leaving their lunch on the table. Along came little Booster Goldilocks. Booster Goldilocks had come from the future to also fight the crime on the other side of the forest, but there weren't forests in the future and so he was soon very lost.
When he saw the house where the three Beetles lived, he decided to go in.
"I'm pretty sure this is considered breaking and entering, sir," said Skeets.
Booster Goldilocks rolled his eyes. "Everyone knows it doesn't count as breaking and entering if the door's not locked," he said, and before Skeets could tell him that it did in fact totally count, he walked into the house.
There on the table were three lunches. Booster Goldilocks suddenly realized he was very hungry.
"That's stealing, sir," said Skeets.
"Shut up, Skeets," said Booster Goldilocks, and sat down at the table.
First he tried the Old Beetle's lunch, but it was all tinned meat and cabbage, because Old Beetle had lived through the Depression, and don't you young folks know there's a war on? It was too bland. Then he tried the Smart Beetle's lunch, but it was all corn dogs and cheesesteaks and fried Twinkies. It was too rich. Then he tried the Baby Beetle's lunch, which was empanadas and a juice box and a cookie. It was just right, even if the juice box was a little small.
Then Booster Goldilocks decided to watch some TV.
"You are going to get arrested, sir," said Skeets.
"Shut up, Skeets," said Booster Goldilocks, and went into the living room.
First he tried Old Beetle's saved TiVo programs, but they were all newsreels from the early 40s. Too boring. Then he tried Smart Beetle's saved TiVo programs, but they were all science documentaries. Also too boring. Then he tried Baby Beetle's saved TiVo programs, which were baseball games. They were just right, even if Booster Goldilocks would rather have watched the Goliaths than the Diamondbacks.
After a few innings Booster Goldilocks felt tired, so he decided to go upstairs and take a nap.
"This is seriously creepy, sir," said Skeets.
"Shut up, Skeets," said Booster Goldilocks.
First he tried Old Beetle's bed, but it was an army-surplus cot with a spare chainmail suit underneath it. Too hard. Then he tried Smart Beetle's bed, but there were about a million squishy pillows in different hideous colors on it, and a half-eaten hoagie. Too soft, and also too gross. Then he tried Baby Beetle's bed, and it was just right, even though his feet hung off the edge.
Soon the three Beetles returned home.
"Someone's been eating my tinned meat!" said Old Beetle.
"Why?" asked Smart Beetle. "Someone's been eating my corn dogs! Oh, well." He picked up a corn dog with a bite taken out of it and started eating.
"Someone's been eating my empanadas, and they're all gone!" said Baby Beetle. "My mom made those!"
They went into the living room.
"Someone's been watching my newsreels! I think!" said Old Beetle. "How does this remote work again? Where are my glasses?"
"Sumwhu buh wuhwuh muh ducumuwuhwuh!" said Smart Beetle, who was still eating.
"Someone's been watching my baseball games, and they wrote 'Goliaths rule!' on our end table," said Baby Beetle.
They went upstairs.
"Oh crap," said Skeets.
"Someone's been sleeping in my bed, and they messed up the hospital corners!" said Old Beetle.
"Hey, cool, a robot!" said Smart Beetle.
"Someone's been sleeping in my bed, and they're still there!" said Baby Beetle. "Seriously, what the hell."
Booster Goldilocks awoke to see the three Beetles staring down at him. "Oh, hey," he said. "'Sup?"
"Young man, what are you doing in our house?" asked Old Beetle.
"Dude, get out of my bed," said Baby Beetle.
Smart Beetle didn't say anything.
Booster Goldilocks stood up. "Okay, funny story," he said nervously. "You're gonna laugh."
"I'm going to call the police," said Old Beetle.
"You slept in there with your shoes on?" said Baby Beetle, wrinkling his nose at the mudstains on his sheets.
Smart Beetle didn't say anything.
"Skeets, help me out here," said Booster Goldilocks.
"You're on your own, sir," said Skeets.
"In my day, no one would ever put on tight gold pants and break into people's houses, no sir!" said Old Beetle. "You do that and the Nazis win!"
"I'm telling my mom you ate my empanadas," said Baby Beetle.
"Can I see your robot?" said Smart Beetle. And blushed.
Booster Goldilocks looked at Smart Beetle. Well. Maybe the hideous squishy pillows bed was just right after all.