Archive of Our Own

March

On this path you seemingly can't change, it seems there's a world you can't traverse—and so we await a signal telling us this isn’t how it’s supposed to be.

Kohane returned home to an empty household, as she did most days.  She ignored how her “I’m home” went unanswered so often that the stinging became nothing more than a dull ache that might have weighed her down if she stopped to notice. She always blamed herself, for why would her working parents be home just after school ended?

She held the slightest hope things would be different today because it was supposed to be special. It didn’t really feel special—besides the classmates she talked to occasionally offering to buy her lunch because they didn’t do anything else for her birthday, to which Kohane declined since her parents put so much effort into making her lunch that day. She felt bad they were obligated to do something when she didn’t particularly mind they forgot—it’s not like she tried to remind them. 

It didn’t matter anyway. During that lunch period, those girls all talked about what high school they were going to, none of which were Miyamasuzaka’s high school. As silent as ever, she wanted to be relieved. The fewer people who followed her, the easier it would be to make a fresh start. She decided a while ago high school would be different: she’d join a club or two, try to pick up a hobby or sport, and make friends that way: real friends—ones she wanted to talk about her birthday with. 

As empty as the house felt, she always made a stop in the home office to Count Pearl’s tank. Kohane fed her a snack and offered her hand for Count Pearl to climb. Most of the time she took the food and went back to minding her snake business. She must have known Kohane wanted the attention because today, she took the opportunity to slither up and around Kohane’s arm. Kohane lifted her out of her tank and walked her around the house. If anyone asked, she would say it was to give Count Pearl some enrichment or something, but Kohane knew carrying her around like this was more to remind herself she had company (she would never have real company to be asked that question in the first place). 

She would keep Count Pearl for as long as she wanted to be held before inevitably returning her to her home; it was too cold in March to keep her out of her tank for long anyway. After which, Kohane would retreat to her room to study until dinner was called.

On the kitchen counter, her parents had left a note on a covered basket filled with peach buns. 

I hope you had an amazing day suited for an amazing birthday girl. Have as many as you’d like, but don’t spoil your appetite! Look forward to dinner, okay?

Her mom’s handwriting and a little doodle from her dad. She loved her parents, and she was their most precious thing—so much so their doting smothered her at times, and during others, she felt like the biggest disappointment. Only 14—well, 15 years old now—and Kohane had already given up on being or doing anything special. There was a whole life left to be lived, dozens of birthdays left to feel special, but she doubted her life could have any meaning beyond her parent’s love if she never had the courage to try and make it special. 

Kohane opened the basket and took a peach bun. She offered it for Count Pearl to try, attempting to make her feel included, but she wasn’t interested. Before taking a bite for herself, Kohane swore she would make use of this guilt. She was tired of telling herself things would change on their own. 'Maybe next year' wasn't going to cut it. Not this time. 

Kohane promised herself this fresh start would make her happy, and she would do something worthy of her parents’ pride.

April

Feeling disappointed when things aren’t as I hoped. I can’t even blame anyone else, and it bothers me.

In the end, Kohane managed to join only one extracurricular as a high school first-year student, but that was one more than she’d ever done before. 

When their class president called for candidates for various school committees, Kohane spent each listing counting her breaths, trying to do everything in her power to just raise her hand, that was all she had to do. Raise her hand. 

“—and finally, we have the Caretaker Committee. Anyone interested in helping with the school’s animals?”

Last chance. Raise your hand.

“I—I’ll do it!” A bright and over-eager voice called from directly behind Kohane, the sudden noise startled her already frayed nerves. 

“Alright then… Hanasato-san, and anyone else?”

The girl who greeted her on the first day of school, Hanasato Minori, was the brightest person Kohane had ever met. It was fitting she wanted to be an idol. Just by looking at her bright eyes and listening to her talk, Kohane felt warmer and found it hard not to smile the slightest bit. She didn’t know much about idols or performing or anything like that, but she thought Minori would make a good one in that regard. After all, when she knew Minori would be doing committee activities with her, Kohane grabbed the remaining strength she needed to push her hand in the air just high enough to be seen.

“Uh… yes? You too, uhh… I’m sorry, can you tell me your name again?”

“Azusawa… Kohane.”

“Oh my gosh, really? I look forward to working with you then, Kohane-chan!”

---

The first day they were left to do their committee activities on their own wasn’t going as Kohane had planned. She kept trying to talk, but Minori always talked first. This was how it always went. All throughout junior high, Kohane didn’t have friends but rather people she listened to. Kohane was meant for listening. She listened to everything Minori shared from how her brother was starting to grow into a bratty primary school kid phase to how one of her senpai, a former idol, offered to help her get hired at an idol agency. 

As an only child (Count Pearl aside), Kohane learned about others’ siblings with intrigue. She’d always thought it’d be nice to have a built-in friend, but hearing some of the things Minori’s brother did, Kohane believed the peace in her house to be taken for granted. Even so…

What intrigued Kohane more was Minori’s ability to try. Minori said she’d applied to dozens, hundreds of idol jobs, only to be rejected every single time. Kohane could never. One rejection would be enough. The prospect of being rejected was enough to stop Kohane from ever trying. But this was her fresh start. She wasn’t going to be like that anymore. She had a lot to learn from Minori.

That night, Kohane went home and researched conversation topics. She memorized them. Decidedly, she would be the one to control the conversation, if only for a little while. In the morning, that was not the case. Minori wailed the moment they met at the school gate. Apparently, her idol friends had fought yesterday, so Kohane listened to her talk about it. Kohane had never dealt with such a situation before, so she couldn’t offer anything beyond something like condolences. Not only were her plans thrown out the window, but she also didn’t know how to give advice.

The next day she would do it for sure—except Minori didn’t show up to school on time. Kohane went about their morning duties alone thinking she messed it up. Her one and only chance at making a friend that year and she stood Kohane up. Minori thought Kohane wasn’t worth talking to since she never had anything special to say. 

After cleaning the rabbit pen, Kohane brought them fresh food and refilled their half-empty water when she made eye contact with someone at the gate of the animal area. Kohane recognized her as a classmate who always brought a guitar case to school, but she didn’t have it with her today.

“Um… Can I— uh… Do you—?”

“Is Hanasato-san not with you today?” she asked, cold and stern.

“What? No, she… uhh…”

“If she’s not here then…” the classmate turned to walk away, but something caught her attention. Her gaze remained fixed on the two rabbits eating their breakfast for longer than she may have realized.

Something came over Kohane. She adjusted her glasses and asked, “Do you… do you want to see them?” 

This person’s eyes lit up in the way she imagined characters looked in the manga she read when their eyes sparkled and little flowers floated above their head. She looked so cute, but with the way she hardened her cheeks in an attempt not to smile, it was clear she tried to keep a cool and nonchalant facade. “No, I really should…” she hesitated. “Can I?”

Kohane opened the gate for her classmate, and the two of them crouched down to watch the bunnies through their wired enclosure. She watched as her expression softened slightly, whatever bothered her before suddenly meant nothing watching the bunnies.

“Do you like animals, uh…”

“Hinomori Shiho.” Shiho blinked her infatuation away. 

“I’m sorry. Do you like animals, Hinomori-san?”

Shiho cleared her throat. “No, not really. I was just… curious is all.”

“Oh, I see.” Shiho seemed the type of person to not show a lot. Liking cute things like bunnies didn’t really fit the image Kohane had of her in her head since she always had a guitar case with her. She seemed like a really cool rocker who didn’t have time for anybody or anything other than her music. For the first few weeks of school, Kohane noticed Shiho a lot since she sat right behind her. Every day she left at lunch with her guitar, she never talked to anyone between classes, and she always left school in a hurry. Kohane wondered if she was in a band—but that was the sort of thing one would have to ask about. 

Wait.

“Um… are you in a band, Hinomori-san?”

“What?” Her question caught her off-guard. “No, not really.”

“Oh, I—I know you usually have a guitar with you, so… I just wondered.”

“You mean my bass? I usually play as a temp here and there. I work at a live house,” she explained.

“A bass? You didn’t bring it with you today?”

“I’m… things are complicated right now.”

“With your temporary band?”

“No, with…” Shiho turned back to the rabbits. “It’s not important,” Shiho sighed and stood to leave. “If Hanasato isn’t here, then I should let you return to your committee duties.”

Kohane stood as well. “If Minori-chan shows up before class starts, is there something you’d like me to tell her?”

“Not really. She’s kinda friends with my sister, and I guess something happened the other day. I wanted to ask her about it. I can talk to her later.”

“Right, okay...”

“Thanks for letting me see them,” Shiho nodded her head at the rabbits. “See you in class, Azusawa-san.” And then she was gone.

Shiho had remembered her name. Even if she didn’t get to practice talking with Minori, Kohane believed she made good progress on her promise that morning.

May

If it’s possible, I want to know about and walk into the world beyond this.

One day, on her way home from school, Kohane thought she should take a different route home. The monotonous, day-to-day, nothing-to-think-about routine was too much like how she used to be. She wasn’t going to be like that anymore. A little spontaneity could be fun. She planned to stop at a shop or cafe she found along this new route, but each opportunity to stop and look came and passed with Kohane telling herself, Okay, I’ll go to the next one, only to never find the courage to step in someplace new at all before she found her feet standing in front the gate to her house.

She tried it again the next day: made a few different turns thinking she just didn't see any place that interested her enough to stop. That didn't work. She didn't do anything on the third day either. 

Okay, this time, for sure for sure. If not, she'd have to set herself up with reinforcements. If she invited Minori to come along, they'd definitely do something or hang out somewhere— Kohane wasn't sure where friends would hang out, but Minori would surely think of something for her.

On this fourth day, while crossing a street she hardly knew, a street performer caught her attention. In the early summer, mid-afternoon buzz, the voice pumping through speakers blended in with the city. Kohane stopped for a moment and admired the performer’s ability to not only sing but to deliver a show to the crowd, engage with them and have a conversation—connect with them through sound. She kept walking.

Further down the road, she turned into an alleyway to cut back to the path needed to get home—or so she thought, but she took out her phone to check the map just to be sure. As she unlocked it, the screen lit up in white, and reality itself seemed to fade away.

Welcome, Kohane, An.

How—how did you know my name?

What's your dream, Kohane?

Oh… um… I don't really have one, so…

Maybe if I stopped worrying, something might change…

Maybe! Just try something out when you feel like it. Who knows what you'll find?

I have no doubt you'll both find your true feelings soon. If you both have the same feelings, we'll definitely meet again here in this sekai.

Kohane opened her eyes, blinking to adjust to the alleyway that had suddenly gotten much darker. The time on her phone was wrong. She had only gotten out of school 30 minutes ago, but now her phone said it was nearly dinnertime. Kohane had a few concerned messages from her parents too. She was usually home by the time they returned from work. Did she… fall asleep in the alleyway? She remembered her dream.

What's your dream, Kohane?

She didn't have one. The figures and voices felt so familiar in a blurry distance, but it didn't matter. The stress of pushing herself might have been too much if she passed out suddenly like that. Thoughts of giving up on the promise were turned down as soon as they appeared. Kohane may not have ambition or a goal, but that dream she had left… something behind. 

Like something was about to start.

The following week, since she was no longer on bunny duty, Kohane’s mom asked her to pick up a new CD released that day on her way home from school. 

Like some twist of fate, that errand changed the trajectory of Kohane’s life for the better. 

But she ran away at first. The power of that voice she stumbled upon overwhelmed her, and she ran. Kohane wasn't meant to talk to cool people like Shiho and that girl she saw singing—the same person she heard at the crosswalk last week—or even bright people like Minori. Those kinds of people had dreams and ambitions. Kohane wasn’t anything like them, so they were too different to ever get along with in the first place. But something about that performer stuck in her brain. Later that night she couldn't focus on her homework as the song the performer sang rang in her mind. While she scrolled through titles on her phone in search of that song, her phone screen lit up in white.

You should come visit soon. Everyone is waiting.

Was that another dream? Afterward, the song she was looking for appeared on the screen like someone had found it for her. Strange…

That song stayed stuck in her head for the next week. Even Minori caught her humming it on more than one occasion. The music led her back to the cafe where she first heard it. Standing at the entrance, Kohane debated whether she had any right to enter since she was so rude the last time she was there—she ran away just as the performer tried to introduce herself.

She thought of the promise she made to herself. The next step was to find that voice again and confront it. She wasn't exactly sure what she was going to do, but thinking on the fly is another skill she wanted to learn—so she told herself. She took one step in the door and immediately regretted it.

"Welcome! Wait, aren't you the girl who was here watching the other day?"

Oh no, Kohane got recognized, and by the cool girl no less.

"I remembered because it's not every day we get customers my age. I'm glad you came back!" She remembered her face. "Hey, Dad! The cute customer from the other day came back!"

What? How could she say that? Out loud and to her father? The ability to say such embarrassing things must be another trait of having an outgoing personality that Kohane had much to learn about.

"Hello and welcome," a much taller and gruff-looking man greeted her from the bar. Based on what Kohane had learned from researching this place the other night, he was the owner, and the cool girl's father, apparently.

They had her seated and made her order of a cafe au lait. The owner excused himself to go pick up a shipment for the cafe, and he left his daughter in charge. They were the only two people in the whole cafe.

The cool girl properly introduced herself as Shiraishi An, and insisted she be called An. Minori had done the same thing, but Kohane still wasn't used to it.

An seemed the type to carry a conversation, just like Minori. Since she was here to learn more about the voice she heard, Kohane's 'thinking on the fly' led her to decide she was going to be the one to ask questions.

"That was your dad who just left, right? He's the owner and a pretty famous musician if I'm not mistaken…"

"That's right!" An beamed. "You really know your stuff!" 

If anything, Kohane knew how to memorize things. Her eyes and ears did most of the heavy lifting for her. She understood things easily the first time she heard or read about them. It wasn’t such a useful skill except for when it came to memorizing conversation topics she never got the chance to use, or researching everything about a cafe before she went to it.

An talked about her father and Vivid Street, the street where the cafe was located. Most of the people around her were fans of her dad’s, so meeting someone like Kohane was a bit exciting. She talked about how she often performed on the street and in events. She was like a real, professional performer. No wonder her voice had impacted Kohane so much. 

Caught up in the moment of being able to talk to someone like An about something she hardly knew about, Kohane said something she initially thought she shouldn't have. "You looked so cool when I saw you perform last time."

"Oh? You mean from when you came here before?"

"Yeah! A—Actually, I'm—I was hoping to hear you sing again…" Why did she say that?

"Well, in that case, why don't I sing something for you?"

An walked over to the cafe’s stage and hit play on the song Kohane now knew too soon. Kohane wasn’t ready. As An sang, Kohane heard her heartbeat rattle her brain. The video she found of this song was completely different from the way An sang it. When it was over, Kohane couldn’t contain her excitement. An hardly got a word in before Kohane started to list off every detail she admired so much though she couldn't remember the lyrics at that moment. Instead, she hummed the melodies to get her feelings out. The sounds flew out of her faster than she could think about what she was doing.

An stopped. "Kohane, can you sing?"

"What?"

"Here, take this mic. That thing you just did, do it again!"

"What—wait! No, I can't—"

"Please?! I just want to hear you sing a little bit more."

"Um… okay, I guess if it's just a little.."

For the first time in her life, Kohane was heard, like truly heard. Someone listened to her voice and decided she could have a purpose. Someone decided they wanted her. And this ‘someone,’ was the person whose voice struck her so intensely she forgot she ever had felt fear before. That voice she had followed began to sing with her, and it erased every doubt with power filling its place in Kohane’s mind for the duration of the song.

"I've finally found you!" An cheered. "Hey, Kohane! Let's team up!"

Running into An, the person she saw performing in the street, the person she heard sing as a result of getting lost on an errand, the person she met in her dream, opened up entirely new worlds Kohane had never thought possible.

Kohane, I hope you'll find your true feelings soon. When that happens, I'm sure they'll make a great song. 

June

What does it mean to have life in this world? Before you even think about such things, I want you to make a move; Take one step forward.

Kohane was never so naive as to ignore her parents' worries. Fearing their daughter’s loneliness shifted into something else when she asked for a bunch of new clothes and now contact lenses and a haircut.

After Akito pulled the plug on her and An, the guilt kicked Kohane into high gear. Even if An could overcome such a thing—sabotage—Kohane couldn’t help but feel like a disappointment once more. They had worked so hard—An tried so hard this past month to prepare Kohane for her first event only for it to not be enough. It would never have been enough because Kohane wasn’t driven. How often did she have to be reminded she lacked ambition? 

Ambition. It always came back to ambition. Minori, Shiho, An. A dream. 

Without it, she'd be nothing but a burden to An. She never should've let herself believe they could be partners.

On the verge of collapse, as she reached her room, her safe space, after that disaster, Kohane couldn’t even bring herself to validate her embarrassment by crying. The whole thing played in her head, over and over. An kept singing. She didn't. If she could just… 

Her phone lay face up on her bed. If she could just know what she really wanted. That dream-world. The weird Miku there spoke of her 'true feelings.' Whatever that meant, Kohane had yet to find out. She went to that other place where she explained everything to Miku, Meiko, and Len. 

After all that, I haven't been able to change like I wanted to…

Not true! Just look at how much this is bothering you!

Len's right. The fact that you're worrying so much is proof that you want things to change—that you're desperately trying to open the next door.

That's right. Kohane made the decision to change a long time ago. She decided to stray from her usual path, to listen to that voice sing that song again, to give An's ambition a chance.

Whether you stop here or step through that next door is up to you. What do you think your true feelings are, Kohane?

Kohane was not going to let herself be pushed around anymore. She made a promise to herself, and her decision to partner with An—to enter a world she never knew before and try for something unexpected—was Kohane’s own way of dedicating herself to that promise. 

A makeover was the best—no, it was necessary for moving on. She knew she could never change herself if she feared it. Trying to put in contacts for the first time and shedding some length that became bothersome to maintain—that was the easy part. But no matter how hard one tried, there were some things that maybe couldn't be changed after all. 

As Kohane stood in front of the mirror, she saw something reminiscent of herself (without needing her glasses). She saw how her hair now fell above her shoulders onto clothes that couldn’t be hers. She saw fear and tears. It overwhelmed her and she collapsed. She would never get used to this, she was convinced. 

Yeah, right. How stupid to think changing the way she looked could solve all of her problems.

Her mother came in shortly after, held her tightly, and told her she would always be beautiful. When the tears slowed, her mom stood her up and helped Kohane face the mirror again. She grabbed Kohane’s hairbrush and a couple of elastic ties from the counter and began to fix things like she always did.

She parted Kohane’s hair, careful and soft like the way she spoke. 

“It’s not a bad thing to try something new. People your age almost never know who they are yet, and that’s okay.” She slowly brushed half of Kohane’s hair into a neat twin tail and tied it off gently. “You’re making new friends, trying new things, exploring your identity and expression, and I’m proud of you. We’re proud of you.” 

As she continued on the other side, Kohane wiped away the remainder of her tears. She hoped to never get used to the way it felt to cry with contact lenses in.

“A lot of change at once is scary. It’s okay to be scared. But I think if you’re aware that change is happening, you won’t lose yourself.” Her mom tied off the second twin tail and held Kohane by her shoulders. Kohane straightened herself up and stood as tall as she could. They both looked at the figure in the mirror that became more Kohane-like.

Kohane, no matter what happens or what anyone says to you, there's no need to change the feelings you already have. They're yours and nobody else's. They're precious, and I think you should cherish them.

“And if you ever feel like you’re losing yourself, you can talk to us, alright?”

Kohane reached up to feel her new twin tails, several centimeters shorter than what they used to be but seeing herself with them in, it was almost as if nothing ever happened; that was how she had always looked.

“Mhm… thanks, Mom.”

“I love you, sweetheart.” She pressed a kiss on her forehead and wrapped her up in a big hug. 

“I love you too.”

July

Relying on the unmoving, strong, intense center of gravity can be hurtful too.

Two and two became team of four with a shared dream to surpass a legendary event. This was how things were meant to play out, according to Miku. Despite their rocky start and even rockier beginnings, the four of them fell into place faster than they anticipated.

As it turned out, Akito and his partner—An and Kohane's new teammates—had nothing to do with their sabotaged performance though it was easy to believe they had. Akito used to despise Kohane. He had called her small, a little girl, a shrimp in an ocean she hardly knew. When they first met, he seemed nice enough. She wanted to trust him since he was friends with An, but Kohane noticed something dark had revealed itself when she said she had no experience with performing. The promise and respect for her as An's new partner shining in his eyes easily faded away. 

Touya, at their first meeting, barely said anything. He looked cold. Akito did all the talking for him as if nothing else mattered outside of what Akito said or did—that was until he broke off his partnership with him. 

The week that followed The Vivids' actual debut was tense. Every time Kohane went to Weekend Garage to practice with An for their next show, Akito sat alone with a drink, a computer, and headphones, working tirelessly on something. An told her to pay no mind to him, so she tried not to. When she ran into Touya at the music store, he seemed just as distraught, and An told her again she shouldn’t worry about their problems. Even when she still thought they had sabotaged their first performance, Kohane still felt bad for them. She didn't know what it was like to lose a friend, but she could only imagine how terrible she would feel if An suddenly decided Kohane wasn’t worth sharing her dream with anymore. 

However, after a guy came and confessed the truth to her and An—Akito and Touya weren’t involved in sabotaging them—Kohane became more certain she wanted to do something to help them. According to Miku, something about Akito and Touya was connected to her and An. It wasn’t something she could have just ignored. 

The next day she tried to reach out to him, asking him if he really intended on never singing with Akito ever again. “I know we only just met, and this doesn’t seem like it’s any of my business, but…”

“Why are you so worried about us?” he asked. “After what we did to you…”

An cut in, “But that wasn’t really you guys, now was it? The one who actually did it told us everything. You and Akito wanted to face us fair and square.”

Normally, Touya resembled stone, solid, unwavering, and cold. For a brief moment, he looked hesitant. Kohane knew that look well as it was the face she’d always worn until recently.

“It’s as I said. I have no intention of singing with Akito again. There’s nothing more to it.”

“But,” Kohane cried, “you always look like you’re having so much fun when you sing with him…” Onstage, the stone on the surface cracked in the stage lights and revealed something warmer. For Touya to give up something he enjoys so easily for no reason, Kohane couldn’t wrap her head around it. He had a place at someone’s side, he gave it up, and now he looked miserable.

Touya’s eyes avoided Kohane’s. “Sorry, I have somewhere I need to be.” Without a proper farewell, he walked away from her and An in a hurry.

“What? But you said you were free to talk a minute ago!” An cried out after him. 

“Wait, Aoyagi-kun!” He paused but didn’t turn to look at her. “I didn’t think I could stand on stage and perform because I wasn’t as serious about it as the rest of you. But then I realized no matter what happened or what anybody told me, what I really wanted to do was get back up and sing again!

“What do you really want, Aoyagi-kun?”

He kept walking. That was probably too much. Kohane’s own words surprised her. She hoped her words could be enough—big words from someone who could hardly look a classmate in the eye a few months ago. 

The following day, Kohane and An found Touya again visiting Weekend Garage for the last time. Regret and mourning filled every word as he explained to Ken he couldn’t possibly continue going there. He didn’t have the resolve Akito needed him to have. Akito would be better off teaming up with people like An and Kohane—people who were certain of their path to surpassing RAD Weekend rather than playing around to rebel.

Akito showed up mere minutes later and denied everything Touya tried to tell him. Akito had also noticed how much Touya enjoyed their time performing together. He never once doubted Touya wasn’t just as serious about him and his goal. Eventually, Touya broke down and revealed that truth, what he really wanted: of course he wanted to be with Akito to surpass RAD Weekend. The two of them had worked so hard and endured so much over the past two years that he couldn’t envision working towards anything else and being fulfilled by it as much as performing. Just like that, the two of them were back on the same page. Kohane wondered if her words meant anything to Touya in the end.

After Akito and Touya worked through their issues, each of their phones pinged and lit up in white. 

So you've all finally found them.

I guess that means our true feelings were that we wanted to put on the best event we can.

That's right, those are the feelings you four share.

So began Vivid Bad Squad. 

As a team, they pushed through their lackluster debut performance at STAY GOLDEN. If not for the support of her teammates, Kohane would've let another bad experience pull her down. Going into a new type of event like that, Kohane believed if she was with her teammates, then everything would be fine. An even promised to lead her if she messed up, but in the heat of the moment, under the lights and watchful eyes of everyone in STAY GOLDEN's audience, Kohane lost her focus, and An wasn't able to recover for her. 

Kohane should've never let herself believe she could rely on someone else to begin with. It was nice of An to say that she could, but she shouldn't need a safety net. If she was serious about surpassing RAD Weekend like she said she was, she needed to prove she could get results on her own. Kohane started entering shows by herself to learn how to perform with out a safety net. If she fell, it was a clear drop to the bottom. The thought of stepping out on her own was terrifying, but she pushed herself because she knew there were three people counting on her to take a step and not fall.

With enough time, the more they came together as a team, the intense focus in Akito’s voice stopped scaring her and started motivating her. Listening to his deep knowledge about all things music moved her. She admired his skills so earnestly but he never accepted any compliment she tried to give. She watched passively as he nearly fell into ruin trying to convince himself he was good enough to stand with the rest of them. After that, she became well aware even the most impressive people were hard on themselves. She found comfort in the pity she offered herself and the members of her new team knowing that they all were hard on themselves at times. 

In the weeks that followed, Touya slowly began to show more of himself though his passion for music never shone brighter than it had the evening they united. The more they worked on their team chemistry and flow, Touya once again grew unsatisfied with his place as his father continued to berate him and his teammates for ‘making noise.’ Kohane had no idea he had to deal with such a thing. Her own parents grew concerned about her being in the street music scene around the same time, but they were reasonable enough to listen to her when she said she wasn’t in any danger there and wanted to stay on Vivid Street. 

When Touya confided in An and Kohane about this issue, they immediately began to brainstorm a solution. Being a part of a team meant they had to work through their issues together. No matter what they suggested, Touya didn’t believe any of it would actually get his father to let him do what he wanted. An offered to go talk to him herself, but Akito believed that wouldn’t help anything. Eventually, Touya tried talking to him one last time and offered him the chance to see their music for himself, the chance to meet each other halfway. 

Touya finally felt as though he'd established his resolve. Street music—his music wasn't full of spite anymore. Their music brought the four of them towards a goal.

Kohane came to realize this was what she longed for: to have a dream. She became indebted to An and Akito who reached their hands out for hers and Touya’s and shared their dream with them.

So long as your feelings remain, we'll be right here waiting for you. Let's sing together again soon!

August

Wanting to tie our fingers, I stepped forth, still not caring about the differences in our steps.

The weeks that followed were a whirlwind of new experiences and of compliments, people ceaselessly going on about her raw talent, ‘I didn’t know you could sing like that,’ and telling her to keep practicing and she might have a chance at actually achieving the greatness she sought. With enough people saying the same things over and over, she might actually start to believe it.

However, one instance really ate away at Kohane. At her final solo performance, before she committed fully to practicing as a team of four, she ran into someone really tall in the audience. His stature and aura reminded her a lot of Ken. She tried to apologize, but he recognized her as one of the event’s participants. “You gave quite a good performance. I’ll bet you won’t find many other girls that can sing like you can.”

She only wanted to find her friends in the crowd, not be bombarded with a compliment like that. “Huh? Um… Well, I’m not—”

“But you’re still kinda,” he shrugged, “You know?”

“What?”

“You said your team is trying to surpass RAD Weekend, yeah?”

She replied with full conviction, “Yes! We are!”

The event goer sighed, “Then you still don’t have what it takes. You should broaden your horizons…”

What…

“Anyways, see ya around. Good luck, kid.” He turned to leave.

It hasn’t been that long since Kohane decided she would try for this goal. It hasn’t even been long since she decided to try out performing. She knew there was no way that she could be ready for such a feat yet, but this man seemed knowledgeable—not only about performing but also about RAD Weekend. In a split-second realization, she needed to hear more of what he had to say.

“Wait—please!” She cried out over the noise of the crowd and the current act for him to stop.

“Yeah?”

“You said I don’t have what it takes. I don’t think I can figure it out unless someone tells me flat out, so what am I missing? What can I do to improve?”

“Well… I’d say you’re lacking commitment.” That made no sense. Kohane had never committed to anything before this; If this wasn’t what commitment looked like, then she almost feared what actual commitment was. “You sing well and have a good voice, but I got this feeling you’re not committed to yourself. Right now, you might be able to climb higher, but if you learned to commit to yourself, you’ll probably turn into something we’ve never seen before. That’s all. Take care.”

And he was gone.

What did that mean? ‘Commit to yourself,’ those words strung together that way meant nothing to her, so she asked her teammates. 

“This is just a guess, but I think he meant you need to be more confident in yourself,” An said.

Touya added, “Yes, you have an incredible talent for singing, but you haven’t fully realized it. I believe that’s what he meant.”

“I… see… I guess I’m not really sure of myself like you guys are…”

“But it’s not such a bad thing to lack that sort of confidence,” said Akito. “It’d be a whole other problem if you started going around acting all full of yourself.”

“Despite a lack of self-confidence, your singing ability remains unaffected. You never seem satisfied with things as they are, and you have developed a great work ethic as a result.”

“Yeah!” An chimed in off Touya’s comment. “Your singing is awesome, and you’ve really learned how to work a crowd! I don’t think you have much to worry about right now.”

Kohane fell into her habit of wanting to trust her team’s words but faltering at the back of her mind. She couldn’t shake the feeling the man was right. More than being sure of her path in Vivid Bad Squad, she needed to be sure of herself. 

From the moment she first saw An, Kohane recognized her to be self-assured, but when she asked her how to be confident, An wasn’t able to give her a fulfilling answer. In their sekai, Meiko asked Kohane if there was anything that’s ever made her feel confident in herself. Not much came to mind. She’d never done anything noteworthy to remember.

When she was a little girl, in primary school, Kohane’s friends wanted to try climbing a tree at the park. The others kept grabbing for more branches higher and higher up while Kohane stayed on the ground. She couldn’t move thinking about what would happen if she fell or if she got up and didn’t know how to go back down. She stood frozen at the bottom, looking up at people who could climb. Ever since then, Kohane has stayed there, watching.

“You need to quit getting down on yourself like that,” said An.

“But… you guys are all so cool and good at what you do…”

You have a talent for seeing the good in people, Kohane. You have a wonderful heart that sees the best qualities in people. I agree you should have more confidence in yourself. Commit to yourself. Believe in the part of you that can see those qualities.

Is that what he meant? 

Kohane’s teammates decided the best way for her to build her confidence was to reenter this month’s STAY GOLDEN battle. If what Meiko said was all she needed to do, she would do her best to follow through. She could commit herself to that much at least. The four of them practiced and practiced and sang their hearts outs in preparation for their revenge. They were determined to not fall apart this time. People talked, but their doubt in Vivid Bad Squad’s ability only fueled them further.

The actual performance itself was over before she was aware it had started. Kohane put all of her focus into what it meant for her to trust the part of her that saw the good in people, just like Meiko said. She poured everything she had into their song and threw her soul into the air of the live house for everyone to hear. As the adrenaline faded away, Kohane noticed how shaky her legs were. 

An, Akito, and Touya were all much quieter than usual after coming off of the stage, their eyes open wider than their mouths. “G—guys? Is… something wrong?” Kohane grew more worried the longer they didn’t say anything and stared at her. “I didn’t mess up again, did I?”

An clutched one arm close to her stomach and replied, “Uh, well… we’re just super relieved that it went so well—!”

“Oh, okay! Thank goodness…” Kohane felt a bit winded and dizzy. When the next act began performing, it was all she could do to bring herself out to the audience. She didn’t pay much mind to the way the others looked since they probably felt just as tired. 

After an embarrassing first show at STAY GOLDEN, Vivid Bad Squad pulled out a victory on the second attempt. All of their hard work paid off.

---

Beyond Vivid Street, Kohane performed with people other than her teammates for the first time. For a group project at her Seaside School getaway trip, she was assigned to work with people from different classes: students named Emu, Saki, and Honami. Saki and Honami were both in Shiho’s band, so she knew a bit about them already, and everyone in school knew Emu, Kohane especially. 

Emu was part of a theater troupe that started putting on shows at Phoenix Wonderland a few months ago. Kohane had loved going to the theme park since she could remember. As she got older, she started to memorize the rides and came up with the most efficient schedules to visit as many shows and attractions as possible in one day. When she felt loneliest, she could still go there and feel the joy of experiencing wonderment like she was a kid again. She always hoped she could share that with some friends one day, and with her new friends Minori, Shiho, and her teammates, she was finally able to experience that.

Emu’s troupe put on heartwarming and mesmerizing shows on the smallest stage in the park. Despite their humble stage, Kohane always loved their shows the most. After discovering Wonderlands x Showtime, Kohane visited every time they started a new show rotation.

During their initial discussion of what to do for the group presentation, Emu suggested they perform a song from a musical Kohane happened to love. Kohane’s mom loved musicals too. Kohane listened to all of her mom’s favorite soundtracks growing up, and came to adore them just as much. She had listened to the soundtrack of the musical Emu chose countless times alone in her room—eventually envisioning herself in the words that were sung. All by herself, when no one was watching, she channeled every character’s lines and pretended she could belt just like the actors did in the recording. Never did she think she would ever have the courage to actually take on that role and perform it for an audience. 

She learned to sing so quickly there were several moments when she had to pause and consider her own ability. She loved musicals. There was nothing stopping her from trying to act before, so why didn’t she ever have the courage to try?

Singing while acting with live accompaniment was much different from what Kohane had gotten used to in a live house. The four of them worked together and combined their different experiences with music to give a presentation to be proud of. Saki and Honami were able to play a new genre in sync, and Kohane and Emu were able to fill the roles of Amy and Dorothy and convey a story with their singing.

Kohane had admired Emu for a while now. She’s such an expressive person in every interaction, it’s no wonder her troupe’s shows moved Kohane so much. Getting the opportunity to learn about this kind of performing from her was nothing short of an honor—but that probably would’ve been weird to tell her.

Bringing home what she had learned from Emu, Kohane returned to Vivid Bad Squad with a deeper and fuller spark than before. Just as she started to feel she deserved to stand on the same stage as her teammates, one of An and Akito’s heroes approached her and offered to give lessons to only her. He was Taiga of the group that had hosted RAD Weekend with An’s dad, RADder, and the man she bumped into who told her she lacked commitment to herself. 

Of course, she wanted to decline. Kohane believed she wasn’t worthy of studying under someone her teammates held in such high esteem, but even they insisted she needed to take this opportunity. Taiga wasn’t just a founder of RAD Weekend, he was an international celebrity, a Legend. Anyone would do anything to have an opportunity like this. Somehow, that reason made her feel even worse that the opportunity was handed to her. How could she be so different, so important that only she was worthy of such a thing?

She accepted the offer regardless. It wasn’t as much of a choice as she wanted it to be.

Her training sessions with Taiga were usually never just about singing. Being able to sing on pitch and in time, the ability to work a crowd, and having a good work ethic were not all that comprised a RAD Weekend-worthy performance. Taiga explained, beyond the stories An and Akito have told her, what made that event so impactful was its connections to people. The event itself was an amalgamation of what made Vivid Street a community compared to any other place in Shibuya. The people made Vivid Street what it was. 

If Kohane and her team were to ever hold a candle to what RAD Weekend was, she needed to know Vivid Street like she knew her own mind. 

They often went for walks and observed the people. For every new thing she noticed, Taiga told her to absorb it and hold on to it. If she kept these visions and experiences with her, she could dissect them in her music. As she sang she would be able to feel the emotion of the memory and convey it. Like how her singing had a story to tell as characters with Emu, her performances of Vivid Street had to convey the stories of the people there. By perfecting that connection, only then could she give a performance that resembled RAD Weekend. 

Absorb it. Examine it. Internalize it. Materialize it. Deliver it. 

Seemed simple enough, but it took much more practice than she anticipated. Despite all of her training over the past couple of weeks, it wouldn’t be enough compared to An, Akito, and Touya’s years of experience. She had to keep doing everything to measure up. Even if they insisted she had more than earned her place beside them, she couldn’t become complacent. It would be easier if she could know more about that night than just stories. That way she could have a clearer image of what exactly it was they were trying to achieve, but no cameras were allowed at RAD Weekend, so there was no way of knowing. She had to take each story within her heart and keep trying her best.

September

I hear a sound calling out for us. The bond joining us together stretches to the future.

Rehearsals became more tiresome after Vivid Bad Squad started incorporating choreography into their sets. Kohane thought she could handle it. An and Akito had experience playing school sports, so they were athletic enough to keep going for hours at a time. Kohane wasn’t built as strongly, but she fared better than Touya. Even so, she rolled her ankle in the middle of practice like an amateur all the same. 

She’d never done that before, so she wasn’t sure what to do. She tried to push on through the rest of practice as if nothing happened, but before she knew it, she couldn’t bear the strain and fell. 

The next thing she knew, she rested against Akito’s back as he carried her to the station.  

Practice was cut short, and it was all her fault. 

“I’m sorry,” timid, she spoke into the back of Akito’s head.

“Huh? What’s that?”

“Um… I’m sorry… for everything.”

He paused to readjust his hold on her legs and kept moving. He sighed, “It’s whatever. Just be more careful in the future.”

“...Right.”

She hasn’t felt like this in a while, not since that night she and An had the power cut on them—Kohane never did find out why Akito lied about that. An had kept singing so powerfully. Kohane admired her for that. She thought that was what she ought to do: keep going in spite of the troubles that arise. But apparently, there were some things that sentiment didn’t apply to. Like injuries. 

Kohane couldn’t grip Akito’s jacket any harder—all of her energy focused on the fabric gathered in her hands, trying not to cry, trying to not think about the pain and the guilt.

“Hey,” Akito spoke up. “I know it sucks, but don’t let it get you down, alright? Just focus on resting so you can try again.”

Was that… He tried to cheer her up. To anyone else, his manner of speaking would sound harsh and often rude. But when he’d said similar things to Kohane in the past, he never sounded so caring, like he genuinely had something to lose if he didn’t say those words.

She unintentionally loosened her grip as her mind was brought to focus on how much he cared—he cared to carry her, he cared she got better, he cared she was well enough to return to the team because the team didn’t exist without her, and for maybe the first time ever, Kohane allowed herself to realize she had a definitive place in the world. She had somewhere she needed to be not just because other people wanted her to be there, but because she carved out a place for her to belong on her own. 

That place filled Kohane to the brim with determination.

Akito jerked forward as a biker sped past the two of them. Not having as solid of a grip as before, Kohane slipped backward before Akito leaned forward to catch her. 

“Put your arms around my neck. The last thing we need is for me to drop you.”

Reluctantly, she leaned forward and did as such. She didn’t dare let go again.

“Thank you,” she whispered at the side of his head, hoping it was loud enough for him to hear. She shut her eyes in anticipation of a reply that never came. 

“We’re here.” Akito carefully crouched to set Kohane down on her good foot. “Is your dad on his way?”

“Um…” Kohane eyed the station entrance and spotted a scrawny man with a satchel and camera case strapped across his chest, holding a phone to his ear and looking around the area anxiously. “There he is!”

Akito waved him down and he rushed to Kohane’s side. He thanked Akito profusely for bringing her this far, but Akito dismissed it.

He looked Kohane in the eye, not her father, when he replied, “Please, there’s no need to thank me. I only did what any good teammate would.”

Using her dad as a crutch, the two of them entered the station once more. Something possessed Kohane to look back, and she saw Akito still standing there. He threw her a quick wave and a smile before she faced forward again, and she smiled too.

She had carved out a place to belong in the world. She will do anything to see An and Akito's dream through. Anything and everything.

---

“So, how’s practice been going for you two lately?” 

“Huh? What do you mean?”

It’s been a while since Shiho stayed to eat lunch with Kohane and Minori. She usually leaves to eat with her bandmates or practice on her own. Shiho’s band had just started to get their feet off of the ground with a couple of original songs, and they’re getting comfortable performing at live houses now. “I’m kinda curious what kind of stuff you guys work on with your bands,” Shiho explained. She looked to Kohane. “You know, like how Minori went to one of your practices to improve her singing. I just wanted to know if there were any specific exercises or drills you guys run to practice.”

That practice was really fun. It felt a bit strange for Ichika and Minori, her school friends, to work with her teammates like that. But they all worked well together, and Kohane’s teammates had a lot of advice to give. From that meeting, Kohane believed she had found good people to surround herself with. Even though Ichika and Minori didn’t share the same goals as Vivid Bad Squad, they were still able to make a connection through music. That kind of connection would’ve felt intangible to Kohane at the beginning of the year, but those feelings became second nature to her in no time.

“Hmm… let me think… Do you have any ideas, Kohane-chan?” After a few months of regularly streaming activities as More More Jump, Minori’s group also started to show progress. They started discussions of hosting their own fan event soon. Minori and Kohane once confided in each other saying they felt inadequate to the rest of their group members. The difference between them then, was that Minori stayed optimistic, a quality Kohane had admired since they first met, but now that wasn’t the case for either of them. They weren’t rookies anymore. Kohane and Minori have both established themselves, each having been recognized by fans of their own and long since recognized by the members of their own groups.

Although the three of them were on their own paths, Kohane enjoyed being able to talk with Minori and Shiho about things like music and performing. She enjoyed having stories of her life she could share. “Well, recently we started trying to visualize the same thing while we practice. It makes us more in sync. Actually, we all went camping last weekend so we could all have the same idea of a ‘serene forest.’”

“I see,” Shiho nodded. “That’s a good idea. We’ve done something like that. We watched a DVD of this one band’s concert the other day and it really helped us sync up.”

Minori chimed in, “Yeah! Us too! When we practice our dances, we’ll watch old footage of our references so we have a better idea of what we’re doing! It seems like we’ve all come to the same conclusion on that one! Talk about a coincidence.” Minori grabbed another bite from Shiho’s Salisbury steak and asked Kohane, “Does that mean your team watches videos too? Like from that event you’re trying to beat?”

“Oh… um… there aren’t any.”

“Really? That’s unfortunate.” Shiho took a slice of the omelet from Minori’s lunch. That must be a mark of a strong bond: stealing each other’s food.

“Yeah, I tried asking them about it a while back, but…”

Cameras weren’t allowed at the venue for the event. If only RAD Weekend had happened a bit later, everyone would’ve had their smartphones. There would’ve been more evidence it happened outside of everyone’s stories.

An and Akito had tried to tell Kohane and Touya everything, but as Minori later described it, when watching a thrilling event, there were only so many ways one could think to describe it. The feelings were too overwhelming to describe. 

Without knowing what actually happened that night, there was only so much Kohane and Touya could imagine. By visiting the live house where it happened and watching RAD Weekend's recording, Kohane understood. An and Akito's dream, the dream Kohane and Touya adopted as their own, the dream the four of them now shared, was crazy. To surpass something like that. Kohane couldn’t say for sure that they would be able to put on a better event, but she had the will to try. She surprised herself. So long as she was with her team, she would be willing to try anything—that was what surprised her the most.

“Was it what you thought it’d be?” Touya asked, the two of them on the train ride back to Miyamasuzaka, the two of them trying to process only a fraction of what An and Akito had experienced three years ago. She and Touya had watched the other two intently as they learned more about that night that had been fueling them ever since. There were stars in their eyes when they walked into the live house again, their voices were bright and full when the four of them sang a capella on the stage from their memories. They both were worked up nearly to tears as they watched the recording. It was just as important for them to remember what set them on this path as much as it was a learning experience for her and Touya.

There wasn’t anyone else in the car with them so late at night, but Kohane still replied softly. “To be honest, I’m not exactly sure what I should’ve expected. I mean, even after everything they told us, it just…”

“It wasn’t comparable.”

The closest thing Kohane could think of to compare the shock was listening to a musical’s soundtrack over and over again. Even if she knew all the melodies and words to every song, going to see the show in person was a completely different experience. The songs out of context became strung together with a complete story portrayed by people—not just abstract characters in her mind—real people conveying real emotions in front of the audience for them to place themselves in. 

She’d heard the same stories about RAD Weekend told many different times by different people. The details changed each time, but she thought she knew how it went—every melody and word. The video of the performance was beyond anything anyone could have described to her, and suddenly, so many things made sense. 

“Aoyagi-kun? I know we both said we can do it, but… I think it’s probably going to be a while before we reach that level…”

“Yes. Objectively, we are still far from RADder’s technical skill documented in that video. That is to be expected, of course. We are much younger and more inexperienced than the performers we saw. Is there something concerning you about that?”

“Well, I guess I was just wondering how long it’s going to take us to get there, you know? Not that I mind working like this for a long time or anything! It’s… just a lot to think about.” Now Kohane knew what she committed to. She had to confront that this path she chose was one meant for the long haul. She never stopped to consider An was in junior high when her dad created RAD Weekend. Would it take their team that long to create an event of that caliber too? Would Kohane necessarily mind it if she worked toward this goal for such a period of time? It wasn’t like she had any other plans.

“Indeed it is, however I’m not worried. I’m willing to see this through no matter how long it takes.”

“Yeah, me too,” Kohane replied without much thought. She didn’t know what to expect her future to look like. Regardless of whatever vision she created for herself, Kohane had become familiar with defying expectations.

“We have been making good and steady progress since we teamed up. If we keep going at this pace, I’m sure we’ll reach our goal in due time.”

“Right!” 

The train pulled into Touya’s stop and he stood to leave. “Well then, have a good night, Azusawa. Take care.”

“You too! See you tomorrow!” and many days after that, for as long as it would take.

October

I tried to break free from cliche, and yet, ‘Is this a rehash of someone else’s work?’

While waiting for class to start, Minori suddenly asked, “When’s your birthday, Kohane-chan?”

Followed by that dull ache Kohane had almost since long forgotten. 

“Um… Why do you ask?”

“Shizuku-chan was telling me about horoscopes yesterday, and I want to check yours!”

“Oh please, not you too…” Shiho groaned and pulled her head up from folded arms rested on Kohane's desk. “Last night she gave me a bunch of good luck charms because today was supposed to be a ‘bad day’ for Capricorns or something?” She leaned over to her own desk and pulled a handful of actual good luck charms from her school bag as if Kohane and Minori doubted a word she said. “You don’t have to entertain her, Kohane. That stuff doesn’t really mean anything.”

“Maybe not, but it’s still fun,” Minori whined. “Also, I want to know when your birthday is! I’ve already had mine this year, and Shiho-chan’s is in a couple of months—"

"What? How do you—" Shiho sighed, "No, wait, let me guess… Nee-chan told you, didn't she."

"Yep!" Minori didn’t seem to notice Shiho's annoyance. "So when is yours, Kohane-chan?”

---

“So, who’s next? Touya?” An asked before shoveling another bite of Akito’s piece of cheesecake in her mouth.

“What, you mean whose birthday?” Akito glared, taking a forkful of cheesecake from her own plate she ignored for the sole purpose of annoying him.

“Obviously,” she replied, mouth full.

Touya set his coffee cup down and asked, “What about Azusawa?”

An slammed the table, reaching her arm across to the other corner where Kohane sat sorting through the pictures she took of Akito’s party on her laptop. The clattering of dishes caught everyone’s attention. An swallowed before exclaiming, “Oh my god, Kohane! When is your birthday?! Don’t tell me we missed it!”

“You mean you don’t know?”

“Shhh—you don’t know either! Let her speak.”

There's no reason to hide the date from them, but that was Kohane’s instinct. An's attention can be a bit much sometimes, and Kohane worried she might go… overboard. Still, the thought of celebrating that day with them made Kohane a bit more warm and excited than she would care to admit to herself. “You didn't miss it. It’s…it’s in March.”

“Aw… so you’re even younger than Akito!” 

Kohane caught the glare Akito shot towards An; An promised to not hold her few months over him for this one day, and that comment bordered on violating that promise.

“Yeah, I guess so? I’ve always been on the younger side of people in our grade since it’s right before the school year ends.”

An grabbed her phone out from her jacket pocket and asked, “What’s the date? I need to make that day a national holiday.”

“It’s really not that big of a deal… I’ve never done much to celebrate before, so…”

“The date?” An looked up from her phone expectantly. Kohane knew there was no helping it. She might have been more eager for whatever An was already planning than she wanted to let on.

“March 2nd.”

“Hey now. Can we finish celebrating my day before you start planning your next party?”

“And what are you complaining about?" An fired back. "You should be more grateful I threw you a birthday party at all—and at the cafe owned by your hero no less.”

“That’s not such a feat considering he’s your dad, and I know him.”

“You just don’t know how to say thank you, I think,” An suppressed a smirk.

Kohane watched from across the table as Touya stifled a laugh. She tried not to think about her birthday. It was still months away, and she had more important things to focus on.

---

The sun had begun to set on another afternoon practice. These practices got much easier as the weather became cooler and Kohane had built enough stamina so singing and dancing for a few hours at a time was no more demanding of her than walking up a few flights of stairs. 

“Great work today!” An cheered. “We’re here same time tomorrow after school, right?”

“Oh, actually, about that…” said Kohane. “I’m sorry everyone. Starting tomorrow I have to stay after school to help prepare for my school’s culture festival. I’ll probably be late to practice most days until it’s over.”

“Is Miyajou’s culture festival that soon?” An asked.

“Yeah!”

“I see. Since it’s a school event, it can’t be helped.” Touya had always been the most supportive of a proper school and music-life balance.

“Well, if you’re gonna be taking time off, then it should be fine as long as you practice more when you can,” Akito added.

“Right! And if it was coming up so soon you should’ve told me~” An whined.

“Ah—well… I was planning on talking about it today! You should come!”

“Of course I will! So, what’s your class going to be doing?”

“We’re doing a hau—” Oh, wait. 

Earlier that day, Kohane’s class voted on what they would do for their exhibit. Kohane, Minori, and Shiho all voted to do a cafe, but it was beaten by 5 votes to do a haunted house instead. Kohane didn’t think much of it at the time. Although it wasn’t their first choice, the three of them agreed to make the most and have fun making a haunted house together with their class.

Now, when she looked at An, Kohane remembered what Luka had said after An shared a story from her childhood. When she was younger, she ran away from Vivid Street and was determined to never go back; she was only seven years old at the time and didn’t know any better. To avoid the sudden rainstorm, An wandered into a construction site for shelter. The noises she heard bouncing off of the tarps and water-logged floors scared her senseless. There weren’t any other people around, so it must have been a ghost, An thought. She’d been afraid of all things supernatural ever since.

At the Kamiyama high school culture festival a few weeks ago, An played up her responsibility of patrolling the school as a part of the disciplinary committee so she would always have an excuse to not go to the haunted house Akito’s class made. She spent her only free time showing Kohane around or helping out her friend who skipped class a lot. Kohane felt a bit guilty for the time with An she took away from that classmate of An’s—she knew An worried about them a lot. If her team came to visit her culture festival, would she still get the chance to spend time with Minori and Shiho too?

It didn’t help Akito mentioned his class emphasized the horror aspect. After hearing that, he didn’t stand a chance of getting An to try it. With Kohane, it was a different story. 

“Shiraishi, your face is turning blue. Are you not feeling well?”

“No, that’s not it.” A smirk grew on Akito’s face. “She’s actually just a scaredy cat—”

“Huuuh?! I’m not s—scared! That’s not it at all!”

“It’s okay, An-chan. You don’t have to make yourself go to my class’ exhibit or anything. I’d be happy just wandering around the festival with you…”

“No, I… I’m fine! If it’s your class that’s making it, then I definitely… have to go.” An’s voice faded as she spoke. “But, it’d be lonely if I went by myself, so… we’re all gonna go! Right?”

Touya asked, “There’s no issue with us going too, is there?”

“Nope! I wanted to invite all of you to come. I even brought you your entry tickets.” Since the three of them were so kind to invite Kohane to their culture festival, she knew she wanted to repay that kindness from the very beginning.

Akito was the most strict about their rehearsal schedule, so Kohane was relieved when he agreed to come. “Well, I guess some time off like that wouldn’t be so bad. And I’ll admit, I’m a bit interested to see how scary your haunted house will be.” 

“So… it’s decided then! We’re all going to visit Kohane’s exhibit!” An’s voice wavered, “The Miyajou culture festival~ I’m looking forward to it~”

“Dude, your voice is shaking.”

An remained resolute in her decision to visit Kohane’s haunted house, and Kohane worried about her. An was making herself go to show her appreciation for Kohane, but Kohane really felt appreciated enough just by being on the same team as her. Inviting her to the culture festival was meant to be repayment, not an obligation. Kohane had to do her best to make the day something An could enjoy, at the very least.

The next day, during their class discussion and task delegation meeting, it was decided they would make a fairytale-themed haunted house. With the help of Minori and Shiho’s suggestions, they created a plan for a haunted house with varying levels of horror. People like An, who were easily frightened, could enter the attraction as a huntsman and fight off the wolf actors like in the story Little Red Riding Hood. By giving the guest the power to fight and turning it into a game, it wouldn’t seem so scary. As for people like Akito who enjoyed horror, they could enter the attraction as Little Red or as a goat like in the story The Wolf and the Seven Young Goats, so they could experience the maze like a traditional haunted house. 

Kohane felt the slightest bit of relief. With this concept, An might be able to enjoy herself if she was going to force herself to visit for Kohane’s sake. 

When it came to preparations, Minori, Shiho, and Kohane wound up in different teams. Minori worked on the wolf costumes, Shiho built the set and designed the maze, and Kohane helped design the promotional material like flyers. Kohane’s fear that she wouldn’t get to spend as much time with the others started to become a reality, but this was for the best. The three of them were suited for the teams they joined. It couldn’t have been helped.

Kohane had only made one promo flyer before, but that experience proved to be valuable to her team. She made a flyer for an event Vivid Bad Squad hosted a couple of weeks ago, so she was able to share what she learned with her team. She even had pictures of a dark forest from when they went camping together last month, and everyone was also impressed by her photography skill. They called her reliable.

“Oh, this is nothing, really…” Kohane tried to escape the conversation about herself, but her classmates kept talking.

“You’ve changed a lot since the beginning of the school year."

"Yeah, you used to give off a really shy vibe, but you're like more open and talkative now."

It was one thing to notice herself change, and it was another for acquaintances to notice and tell her about it. Teamwork and group projects were no longer the bane of her existence, and that had everything to do with the way her teammates helped her build confidence. She felt safe enough with them to explore what it meant to be herself, and she gained confidence as a result—because they were there for her. That realization filled her with warmth, and she had to fight off her feelings in order for the meeting to continue. 

November

I want to remember it, the place where we walked together. I finally found it, a place where we can laugh.

The day before it opened for friends and family, the Miyajou culture festival was only open for peers to experience. Kohane was thrilled Minori suggested they and Shiho go around and visit all of the stalls together. She was so excited to experience a school culture festival with people she felt so comfortable being with.

Their first stop had to be class 1-C’s animal-themed cafe. Minori nearly passed out at the sight of Haruka wearing cat ears, and Shiho tried her best to contain her excitement at her fluffy bunny-themed dessert.

They finished just in time to catch the next showing of 1-B’s play. Even with school-made props, sets, and costumes, Kohane always enjoyed Emu's shows. Shiho mentioned the show was written with the help of Emu’s troupe—which she didn’t seem too thrilled by. Kohane thought the story was cute, but Minori really got into it. She even teared up toward the end. 

After wandering through the rest of the first years’ exhibits, the three of them went outside to look at the various booths stationed in the courtyard. They tried to do a scavenger hunt, but they weren’t able to finish before their senpai manning the booth called time. It was still fun to try something like that together. Shortly after, Shiho's sister called out to her, and they visited her class' sweets stand.

The time soon came for their turn to work for their class' exhibit. Since Kohane was on the advertising team, she stood outside her classroom and handed out the flyers they made. She'd done this sort of thing on Vivid Street before. She was really nervous at first, but she found it easier to call out to complete strangers after seeing how An connected with each person she passed a flyer to. She thought of the comment her classmates made—Kohane was more open now. She had changed because of the little ways her team helped her reach outside of herself… because they were there for her. 

Was that a bad thing? If she wasn’t like how she used to be, did that mean she lost herself? That question loomed in the back of her head throughout her three-hour shift.

The first day of their haunted house went off without a hitch. All of the Miyajou students seemed to enjoy their take on an adaptable haunted house and game combination. Kohane heard many visitors say how scared they were of horror, yet everyone walked out of the maze with a smile. That should’ve made her more optimistic An would enjoy it when she visited tomorrow, but Kohane’s fear of upsetting her was stronger. Kohane met Shiho as they were putting away their costumes and spare flyers. Shiho noticed Kohane’s worry.

“I’m glad everything went well today,” she started. “I’m sure your friends will have a great time tomorrow.”

“I hope so…” Kohane zipped her bag shut, ready to leave, but Shiho stopped.

“Is something else bothering you?”

“Huh?”

“It might help to talk it out, ya know?”

“Oh, no! It’s nothing! I’ll be fine.” She just had to push this worry down. Everything was going to be fine.

“Kohane,” Shiho said firmly. Kohane looked her in the eye for the first time since their shifts ended.

“Um… I’m still—I’m worried about An-chan…”

“Go on.”

“She’s really bad with scary things, but she’s making herself come to our class for my sake, and… I feel bad about it. I don’t want her to push herself too far because of me.”

“I mean, it sounds like it’s something she really wants to do though. Why not just let her figure it out?”

“Huh?”

“It seems to me like she wants to overcome her fear. I think the most you can do in this situation is support her. That would probably make her feel better too. If you’re too worried about her, it might make things worse…” Shiho’s voice fell. “I know it’s not super helpful or anything to tell you to stop worrying, but even if it only helps you a little, Shiraishi-san probably wants to conquer her fear because of you, the same way you conquered yours because of her.” 

Kohane felt her face go red. She hadn’t thought of it that way. Shiho made it sound obvious.

“Er—sorry, was that too much?”

“Ah, no! Thank you, Shiho-chan. I think… that does make me feel a little bit better… actually.” Kohane had never considered that she could do anything for her teammates besides giving her best effort at practices and the most fulfilling performances as she could muster.  

"I had a lot of fun making this with you guys, and I'm kinda hoping your team will be able to see that. I feel like I owe them a lot for helping Ichika, so, at the very least, me and Minori are going to do our best to make sure everyone has fun tomorrow. You can count on us too."

With most things, Kohane didn’t realize she had others she could rely on. In Vivid Bad Squad, at school, and even her parents would extend a hand to help them, and all she had to do was ask for it. Shiho helped her through her doubt. Her team helped her through her skill and confidence. She could be there for them too.

“Alright.” Kohane took a deep breath. “Let’s do our best again tomorrow!”

---

An and Kohane walked in step, trailing behind Akito and Touya who were eager to return to Weekend Garage for dinner after a longer afternoon practice than usual to make up for lost time yesterday.  

“—and when you took the hat and gun from me at the end, you were so cool! Even Akito was too scared to do anything.”

He groaned from ahead, “Can you please talk about anything else?”

“It was so much fun! I almost can’t believe I was so afraid of it. The fairytale theme made it feel a lot more familiar—I think I already said that—oh! And making it a game was really unique too. I’ll bet Akito’s class didn’t come up with anything like that.”

“And how would you know? You didn’t even try it,” he shot back at her. An continued to ignore him. 

Kohane giggled, “I’m really glad everyone was able to enjoy it in the end.”

“Yeah…” An laughed nervously. “I know you said I should stop apologizing, but I really am so, so sorry about what happened before. You know I didn’t mean to run from you, right?”

“Yeah, I know.” She had only told Kohane about five times already when Kohane felt it was more her fault for chasing and scaring her. 

Yesterday, during the second and final day of the culture festival, Kohane wound up filling in for one of the actors at the last minute. When her shift was over, it was time to meet up with An, Akito, and Touya, but the mask of her costume got stuck on her head, and she couldn’t face them. Unfortunately, Kohane ran into her team while waiting for Minori to return with pliers to get the mask off. Kohane tried approaching An to assure her there was nothing to be afraid of, but the mask she wore was too realistic and the scariest one in the exhibit to boot. An’s fight or flight reflexes kicked in, and her feet chose flight.

Shiho and Minori immediately started to help. Shiho even enlisted the help of her sister and her friends to track An down and bring them all together again. With Minori's help getting the mask off, and Shiho's reassurance, Kohane and her team were able to start having fun from that point forward. After everything was resolved, An was still determined to face her own fears head-on because of Kohane. The strength Kohane received from the other three went all four ways. 

As An recalled the events from yesterday, she pulled at her fingers held stiffly behind her back. Despite enjoying the culture festival together in the end, Touya reported to Kohane that An was still shaky on the way home. Kohane needed to tell her she was there for her as much as An had been there for Kohane.

Kohane summoned all of her courage to take An’s hand in hers. She said, “Thank you so much for coming, An-chan!” with the biggest smile she had. 

An’s steps slowed and she stared at Kohane for a moment of stunned silence.

“An-chan?”

An shook her head and squeezed Kohane’s hand in return. She took that to mean An understood Kohane’s message. “Of course! I would do it again in a heartbeat!”

December

When my quivering voice breathed life into a song, it was then I realized, that was the first time my breath could be seen.

At the bottom of the beginner's slope, Touya brought himself to his feet again with his skis in hand, determined to keep trying.

“I apologize for burdening you with this. I’m sure you would rather be going down the steeper slope with the others.”

“Oh, don’t say that! I can come back here with my parents any other time. I never get the chance to try to teach you guys anything, I’m always the one learning from you. And I enjoy spending time with you like this.” Kohane laughed nervously, “If anything, I wish I were a better teacher.”

“Not to worry. I think I’m getting it,” he replied. “You said you have come skiing here with your family before. I trust you and your experience.”

Such a strange thing, to be trusted. The trust placed on her every day to rehearse the best she can, the trust during every performance that she won’t hold anything back, the trust Touya has that she will keep him safe while attempting this dangerous sport, the weight of their feelings no longer pressed down on her, rather wrapped her up in a big hug that left her fulfilled and content. 

Apparently, it took much less convincing his father on Touya’s part to go to the mountains than to go camping. Something along the lines of him dismissing it as a holiday. It was New Year's Eve and they had to leave tomorrow, but they still were grateful for another opportunity to travel together. After Akito led their team-building trip to a campsite, it was Kohane’s turn to be a guide to a mountain lodge she had only been to once before, but it was once more than the rest of them. An and Akito were excited to go snowboarding since they hadn’t gone in the few years since they started to take singing seriously. They couldn’t play too hard this afternoon since they had a performance later that evening.

“Look, there’s Akito and Shiraishi.”

Kohane spotted An sticking her tongue out at Akito immediately. From a distance, she saw Akito scoff as he unlatched his board and headed for the lift.

“It looks like An-chan won again,” she giggled. “I’m glad they’re having fun.”

“I am as well.” Touya continued to stare into the distance, not paying attention to Kohane who had started to walk away again.

“Should we go again too?” she asked.

Touya’s gaze remained fixed. He shook his head and hesitated to answer. “Yes. Let’s go again.”

“Aoyagi-kun? Is something wrong? This isn’t too much, is it?”

 “No, I’m fine. I was just thinking.”

Thinking? About what? Should she ask? She didn’t need to.

“I was thinking about how relieved I am about Akito, and also Shiraishi.”

“How so?” Climbing up the smaller hill doesn’t require a ski lift, but she wished it did. She had to work a little bit harder to keep up with Touya’s long strides, uphill, in the snow.

“We never would’ve done these things when it was just the two of us: things like camping and skiing. When it was just me and Akito, all we ever did was practice and perform." This was a bit odd. Touya had never spoken to her like this before. "I think I enjoyed it at first. It gave me something to stick at my father, and prove that I am my own person, but it was never as fun as this. If I were to assume how Akito feels, based on the way he acts now, he seems to feel the same way. He was never happy like this before teaming up with you and Shiraishi.”

“What about An-chan? You’re relieved for her too?”

“That is a bit more difficult for me to describe, but I suppose the same would apply to her as well. To put it simply, we all started to change after… well, after meeting you.”

Oh. 

“All? Including yourself?” Kohane huffed through her beating heart as this conversation had suddenly turned emotional, not to mention her stamina was being tested against the sharp cold air.

“Of course. My time spent with you and Vivid Bad Squad has proven to be invaluable.”

“I’m sorry if this seems rude, but what does that have to do with me? I haven’t really done anything…”

“That’s not so. Without you, I don’t think Akito and Shiraishi would’ve agreed to work together, much less in the case with Arata and the others. Even if they had the same goal.” Touya paused to catch his breath. “He will never say this out loud, but Shiraishi has been one of Akito’s greatest motivators.”

“What? Really? Not RADder?”

“We know how important RAD Weekend is to both of them, but after that. From what I’ve gathered, RAD Weekend gave Akito the idea to sing, and Shiraishi gave him something to fight for. He only decided he was going to put on a greater event after he learned it was her goal.”

“I didn’t know that…”

Touya chuckled, “I’m probably not supposed to know that either.” Kohane gave him a curious look. “When I initially teamed up with Akito, people talked a lot. They weren’t always kind. They thought he—that we were only kids who were in over our heads. I heard a lot of things about those two they might not have, but it’s more likely they learned to tune them out.”

“That must’ve been rough.” What else could she say? Even after so many months of being a team, there was still so much about all three of them she didn’t know. Even if some of it was ugly, deep within her, she wanted to know more. There was so much to these people that trusted her, and she wanted to know why. What about them drew them to her? What did she do to be the kind of person they wanted to be around? She wanted Touya to keep talking.

Before she could press any further, the faintest cry of An’s voice made Kohane whip her head around in confusion. 

“—hane~! Touya~! Up here! Up here!” 

An and Akito passed nearby on the lift. Kohane shifted all her gear into one arm and waved the other as wide as she could. Touya also waved to which Akito threw a half-assed salute back, embarrassed by how An made a fuss. The other two passed out of their line of sight, and Kohane and Touya both laughed it off, focused on each other to block out the stares from other families nearby helping their kids on the slope. 

“If you don’t mind, could you not tell them about this? At least not for a little while. I think it would bother Akito if he found out we knew, and Shiraishi would surely not let him forget it.”

Kohane giggled again at the thought. An wouldn’t live down that kind of information for a month at least. “Well, why did you tell me? If you didn’t want them to know…”

“Because,” he started, “I thought it was necessary to inform you how important you are to us. 

“As I said, even if Akito, Shiraishi, Arata, and the others all had the same goal of surpassing RAD Weekend, they thought of each other as rivals to overcome rather than teammates. After you came into the picture and blew everyone away with your powerful voice and unpolished potential, we came to view each other as friends first and rivals second.”

Okay, that was enough talking. His words became embarrassing, somehow.

“You seem confused… I apologize if that does not make much sense, but it was the only way I could think to best describe your impact.”

“No! No, it’s not that, I just… I wasn’t expecting that kind of answer… I guess.” They reached the top of the kiddy slope. "Thank you, for telling me those things."

The words, you guys are important to me too, built up in Kohane’s throat, nearing the tip of her tongue, but she stopped herself. Before she could stop to think as to why, Touya had already begun to prepare his gear to go down again.

Kohane cleared the other words out of her throat and asked, “Do you remember how to slow down? There’s a lot of people gathered at the bottom, so you have to be extra careful.”

“Yes, I should be able to manage.” He pulled on his goggles and prepared to take off. “Here I go.”

“I’ll be right behind you.”

He managed to make it down the hill at a steady pace and stayed on a clear path free of small and unsuspecting children; that was until a kid ran across the bottom of the hill to join his friends without looking out for other skiers.

“Aoyagi-kun, be careful!”

Touya panicked. Instead of pointing his skis to slow down, he turned completely in an attempt to dodge, but lost balance and fell back on his elbows.

“Touya!” Kohane dropped next to him and tried to help him sit up. “Are you hurt? You didn’t hit your head, did you?”

Touya pulled back his goggles and mask to reveal a deeper smile than Kohane could ever expect, but he didn’t seem to be in pain, so she should’ve been relieved.

“What’s wrong? What are you smiling for?”

“You… called me Touya.”

“What? I did?”

“Just now, when I fell.”

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! I got scared, and I must’ve just—”  

"It's alright. We’ve been good friends for a while now. I don't mind it if you don't."

"Um… okay. Touya… -kun it is then."

Something new yet comfortable bloomed in her chest when he replied, "Thank you for spending time with me today, Kohane."

---

“Whaaat?! No fair! You should call me by my given name too!”

“Yeah, whatever. Just ‘Akito’ is fine by me.”

January

Let that groovy sound beat, let us hear that heartbeat since there’s no time to just stand still.

Vivid Bad Squad worked week after week to hone their skills, learn and write new songs, and co-host new events every so often with other young musicians with determination and dedication that rivaled their own. However…

Some days off from practicing were necessary to maintain their strength and something resembling a balance between their responsibilities as musicians working towards their goals and their responsibilities as high school students. An had joked on more than one occasion she wouldn’t need knowledge of classic literature or trigonometry to be a musician, so there’d be no harm in dropping out—much to Touya’s disapproval. He argued she would likely need to know statistics and even English in her near future. Understanding how to analyze and interpret history should also be particularly interesting to her considering how much she valued Vivid Street. She could apply what she learned in school to music in many different ways, including the history of Street Music itself. An didn’t joke about that again and started taking their studies on off-days more seriously.  

At crase cafe, An poured herself over a book across from Kohane who peeked at her from behind her laptop every so often to make sure An was actually reading. Beside An, Akito stared a bit too hard at a grammar workbook that he handed to Touya every so often so he could check his work. Touya worked at his own laptop next to Kohane. The two of them checked in with each other to share the design and edits on their next event’s flyer and the composition of the group’s next song.

Half-full cups and partially eaten pastries littered their table, and various jackets were thrown about on the backs of chairs and nearby tables. Meiko essentially let them move in on days when Weekend Garage was too noisy for work, and they were grateful. Kohane was grateful for how comfortable it became for them to sit together and work separately like this. In the beginning, they spent their off days apart until An and Akito both failed an exam early in the second trimester. After that, they accidentally established a habit of studying together to make sure make-up tests didn’t interfere with their practice schedules. Even when Kohane’s studies didn’t line up with everyone else’s, she enjoyed being near them as much as possible.

“Kohane? You good?”

“Huh? What?”

“You’re staring into space.” Akito asked, “Something on your mind?”

“Oh, no. I’m okay!” She reassured them. “I was just thinking…” Touya took off his headphones, and An looked up from her literature textbook. “I really like hanging out with you guys.”

Akito scoffed with half a smile, “Yeah, by now I would hope so.”

“Aw~ You’re the cutest, Kohaneee!” An threw her hands in the air to form a heart. She looked through it and said, “I hope you never change.”

“Well you asked, so…” Kohane felt her face flush—she would never get used to An’s effortless affection. Even in this world—a glitch in time and space supposedly made of shared feelings between the four of them—the most Kohane could think to do to show her appreciation for these people and how far they’ve helped her come into herself was a simple, honest statement every once in a while. One of the hardest things about growing closer to people was telling them how happy she was to be close.

“We should continue working.”

An whined, “You’re a little less cute now…”

Akito sneered, “Ooh, that was harsh, even for you, An.” 

An swiped at Akito’s leg with her foot and missed because he dodged before he finished talking. She released a deep sigh as she rested her head in her arms to continue reading. “You’re just jealous you’ll never be half as cute as she is.”

“Kohane, I completed another phrase. Would you mind listening to it and telling me what you think?” Touya offered his headphones.

This song he worked on was only his third attempt at an original track since he started receiving tutoring from Souma. It was still in early development. They planned for Touya to create the beat, main melodic themes, and harmonies as well as some effects he wanted to try. After that, he would hand the track off to Akito and An to polish and write the lyrics. Kohane offered to learn music writing too, but after some discussion, they all agreed her focus was best spent practicing her performance techniques. The other three had years of experience on her after all. Even if she was a quick learner, she hadn’t fully acquired the ear for dissecting tracks yet. They promised her they would love to write songs with her once she was ready to take on a new skill.

The track started with a simple synthesized piano melody that gradually faded into a build-up for a beat drop. As the notes were halved and halved and halved again, each beat hit her harder and when the track suddenly ended after the chorus, Kohane felt her heart beating faster than it was before.

“That sounds… amazing! I love it! You’ve already done that much since we started?”

“Yes, I think I’m finally getting the hang of the software. Is there anything you think  could be improved?”

“I’m not sure if I’m the best person to ask, but…” Kohane caught a glimpse of the other two close to pouting that they still had schoolwork to finish before they could join Kohane and Touya with event preparations. “I think it’s a strong start! The contrast between the acoustic instrumental and the electronic sounds really caught my attention, and the bass made my heart pound! For the chorus, I think it’d be nice if you added more acoustic sounds instead to incorporate the tone from the beginning. Maybe like a guitar or something?” 

Touya stared for a moment. Kohane worried if she said something weird or wrong, but his face lit up with something like realization—she almost saw the light bulb above his head.

“I see. Thank you for your feedback.” He retrieved his headphones, and Kohane turned back to her own work. 

A moment later, An and Akito’s phone buzzed, and they both instinctively reached to look at the notification.

“Don’t check that—” Touya interjected. “Kohane’s right we need to focus.”

Akito listened to him but An didn't. After looking at her phone she made eye contact with Touya and then looked at Kohane with a puzzled look and a growing smile.

"Is something wrong?" Kohane asked.

"Uh—nope! It's nothing!" An flipped her phone over. "C'mon, let's all get back to work, like you said!"

Kohane thought nothing of it. She opened up a new file to make another version of their next event’s flyer.

February

With your mouth you say, 'What about it?' while pretending to be a fool. I'm only one lonely animal. Will you please leave me alone?

She finally did it. She did what all people who use contact lenses were bound to do. Kohane ran out of usable contacts and had to wear her glasses until she could get some more.

She hadn’t worn her glasses to school in almost a year, and she definitely hadn’t worn her new frames to school before. A few months ago, when it came time to update her prescription, Akito had some good advice to help her pick out frames that suited her better—another small step to find herself: when she was home for the night, or when her allergies acted up, or when she simply wanted to sport a different style for the day, she would be able to still wear her glasses and own them. Her old frames acted as a shield. If she didn’t know what to do with her hands, she could adjust them or take them off and clean them. If she wanted to avoid making eye contact, they were a barrier. She could pretend they caught the light and hid her averted gaze.

Akito told her that her new frames should empower her. The color and consideration of her face shape were not nearly as important as how it felt for her to wear them. By wearing contacts, Kohane was stripped of her shield and she learned to feel powerful without it. After she had gotten that far, it’d be a waste if she got a new pair of frames that made her hide again. The frames she picked out were larger, still rounded but taller and straighter on the top. They drew more attention to her face, which Akito said was a good thing—they gave her face a focal point that suited her style. He seemed to approve, and she trusted his judgment. 

If it weren’t for so many people complimenting her, Kohane might’ve forgotten she was wearing them. Minori squealed and gushed about how cool she looked, and Shiho told her she looked just as nice with her glasses as she did without. Perhaps Kohane should run out of contacts more often.

Her teammates had seen her glasses a handful of times before. Sometimes Kohane would wear them on their study dates when she knew they wouldn’t be practicing or dancing around, and there were a few occasions they stayed overnight at An’s place and saw her wear them then. It wasn’t such a special occasion for them to see Kohane wear her glasses, but every time they did, they tended to get passed around starting with An stealing them off Kohane’s face the very moment she was within reach. Kohane didn’t mind primarily because everyone looked cuter in her glasses than she did.

On one such occasion, the four of them met early to discuss their new song for the next event they were planning. As it turned out, the track Touya originally started making for the event didn’t pan out with An and Akito. They chose to scrap that one and go in a different direction. Kohane felt a little bit sad because she knew Touya worked really hard on it, and she was even a bit excited to hear what the finished song would end up being like. She liked the old song, but she had to trust the other three knew what they were doing. She trusted their judgment entirely.

An wore Kohane’s glasses for as long as she could before the strain became too much and had to take them off before she got a headache. Touya grew curious, but he could hardly look through them for a few seconds before pulling them away. Akito scoffed, he didn’t believe Kohane’s eyes could be that bad.

“I don’t get what you guys are talking about. It doesn’t really hurt at all,” he said looking around the mostly empty cafe through Kohane’s glasses.

“When was the last time you saw an optometrist?” Touya asked.

“The eye doctor? Uhh… never?”

“Yeah, how could he possibly see the eye doctor if he has bad eyesight?” An laughed at her own joke.

The bell above the entry door rang, and Koutarou waltzed into Weekend Garage just before the rest of the groups were scheduled to gather for a full team meeting. He called out to them from across the cafe, “Hey! What’s up everybody—woah! Akito-kun, what’s up with your new glasses?”

Akito said, “They’re not mine.” He took them off and handed them back to Kohane.

“I had to wear these today instead of my contacts,” she explained.

“Hey—” Koutarou laughed, “It’s like you’ve gone back to being shrimpy! You know? Like when we first met?”

Kohane forced an awkward laugh. “Yeah… um…” She hadn’t heard anyone call her that in a while. Lately, she’s been forgetting a lot about how things used to be. She used to be quiet and small. A shrimp in an ocean she hadn’t known. 

"Hey man, let’s not do that," Akito intervened.

“What?”

“Your comment obviously made her uncomfortable,” An spoke up. “You shouldn’t name-call like that, even if we are working together now, you know?”

“Geez, it was just a joke. What’s the problem? You're the one who started calling her that in the first place…” Koutarou pointed his tone at Akito.

"Yeah, you're right. I did." The way he said that so clearly and definitively made Kohane’s heart sink the slightest bit. "But that was a long time ago. I know better now. You should too."

Koutarou’s face dropped and he sighed, “You’re right. I’m sorry, Kohane. I shouldn’t have said that.” He reached one arm up behind his head and his eyes fell elsewhere around the room. “I don’t actually think you’re a shrimp… or anything…”

The sudden focus on Kohane made her stomach turn. She would’ve just let that comment pass. She would’ve remembered it occasionally as a fleeting memory that she taught herself to ignore, but An and Akito put her buried thoughts into the air, and Touya looked just as upset to match them. Yeah, that name upset her. She hated the way it felt to be small; it was the reason she was even here. She had worked so hard this past year to be proud of herself and she’d come so far. That name was a realization of something Kohane never considered.

If she were to fully own herself and be proud of who she was, that meant she had to own the parts of herself she didn’t like. Just now, when Akito stood up for her, he didn’t hesitate to own the fact he used to look down upon Kohane. She knew he wasn’t like that anymore, and he now looked down upon who he used to be because he learned. He accepted his past and declared how it made him a better person in the present. If Kohane denied her past—her past as someone who used to never speak not even when spoken to, a person who had given up on finding meaning in her life before it even started—she would never truly be herself. She had to accept herself. Every single part.

The thought of trying to do that made her more uncomfortable than the comment itself. Loving every part of herself would take more practice than simply telling herself she needed to do it. 

Kohane made a mental note to thank the others for sticking up for her when she thought she didn’t deserve to be defended. She hoped there wouldn’t be a next time, but if there was, she wouldn’t need someone to defend her. She'd stand up for herself.

March, a year later

Hey, remember when I told you there was a time I was about to lose heart?

It had arrived once more before she knew it. Nobody had said anything about it, including Kohane herself. Final exams were on everyone’s mind, and high school exams were supposed to be more difficult, so maybe that was why she kept quiet. It wouldn’t do anyone any good to make a fuss during such an important time of the year.

If she had mentioned, Hey, by the way, my birthday is next week, would they have done something about it, or would she have come across as needy or bothersome? She’d rather not distract her friends during such an important time of the school year. She was used to not caring about her birthday anyway.

But…

If she were to care, she already had everything she would’ve wished for. The same thing she had wished for every year until now.

That morning, her parents prepared a special breakfast and lunch for her to take with her to school—as they usually did for the occasion though they usually didn’t wish for her to ‘Have lots of fun today!’

Kohane didn’t know what to expect when she arrived at school, but being bombarded by Emu jumping in front of her at the entrance gate was far from any guess she could’ve had.

“Good wonderhoy morning, Kohane-chan!”

“Oh, Emu-chan! Good wonderhoy morning!” Kohane tried to reciprocate Emu’s greeting, but Emu is the only one who could have that much energy before 8 am.

“A little birdie told me today is your birthday!! So here!!” Emu held her arms out in front of her with a little slip of paper in each hand.

“Are those…”

“Yep! Two tickets to Phoenix Wonderland! Oh! Wait—” She reached into her pocket to grab another one. “Three! This one is special though. See? It has a little crown on it! This one’s for you! You’ll get an extra super-duper sparkly badge and crown to wear and a free Phenny-kun plushie because you’ll be a birthday guest!”

Kohane was a bit overwhelmed by the gift. No one from school had ever gone out of their way to do something for her like this before. She opted to not mention the birthday guest ticket wasn’t necessary since she had a yearly pass—that was her parent’s gift to her each year. “Thank you so much, Emu-chan!” She took the tickets from her and noticed the date marked at the bottom. “Oh, these are for today?”

“Of course! Be sure to have loads and lots of fun after school today, okay? I gotta go now because Haruka-chan warned me not to talk too much. So bye-bye!”

Before Kohane could ask what any of that meant, Emu had already danced away. Kohane looked at the tickets in her hand all the way from the front gate to her seat in the classroom. Happiness tickled the back of her mind the whole time.

“Good morning, everyone!” Minori burst through the classroom door with enough energy though nothing could rival Emu’s. Shiho sat herself up from resting her head in her arms on her desk in front of Kohane—she thought Shiho was asleep and didn’t want to wake her. Minori dropped her school bag on her desk and peered over Kohane’s shoulder. “Whatcha got there?”

“Hey, are you two busy after school today?” Kohane asked.

Shiho turned and asked, quiet and groggy in comparison, “Hm? Are those Pheniland tickets?” 

“Yeah, Emu-chan just gave them to me for my birthday—”

“Waaahh!!! No!! Today’s the second?!” Minori shrieked and rushed to check the date on her phone. “I’m so sorry, we’ve been so busy lately preparing our TV appearance that it totally slipped my mind!”

“Oh? You forgot?” Shiho asked with a slight smirk.

“Kohane-chan, I’m so, so, so sorry!!”

“It’s okay, really…” Kohane laughed. Unlike classmates in the past, Kohane genuinely believed Minori cared that she forgot. It wasn’t out of character for Minori to miss the date either, especially considering More More Jump’s frequent activities recently.

“Since you forgot, the least you could do is accompany her to Pheniland later.”

“If you can… I know you’re both busy so…”

“No, I’m fine,” Shiho reassured her. “We don’t have practice today.”

“We’re taking a break today too!” Minori squeezed Kohane’s hands. “I’d love to hang out with you today! Oh, but, what about An-chan and the others? Wouldn’t they want to go too?”

Kohane shook her head, “No, they’re all busy today. We don’t have practice tonight either.” At the end of practice last night, An said she had last-minute committee work to do after school today. Akito said the soccer club asked him to fill in for a match, and he wasn’t sure what time he’d be able to make it for practice. Touya was uncertain if all four of them would be able to meet at the same time since he had a family dinner to attend, so they decided to take an extra day off today. 

It would be easier for Kohane to not meet today of all days. They could all stay focused on what they needed to do without getting distracted, she could spend the night with her parents like she always did on this day, and she also wouldn’t have to face them if they remembered what today was. She wouldn’t be able to handle it if they felt even the slightest bit bad for forgetting.

“Alrighty! Yay! Now we have a Pheniland date to look forward to after class today!”

Shiho hummed, “I’m looking forward to it. Thanks for inviting us.”

Throughout the day, the tickets burned a hole in Kohane’s school bag. She tried her best to focus on exam preparation, but the longer the day moved forward, the more butterflies made a home in her stomach. She always anticipated going to Phoenix Wonderland, but Kohane felt more anxious about this trip than she did before the events her team had been in recently. She’d been there on her birthday with her parents plenty of times, but this time she was going with people her own age with tickets that were gifted to her. Something about the truth to that statement couldn’t be processed. 

The last bell chimed and Minori practically dragged Kohane out of the door with Shiho following close behind. When they got to the park, the attendants gave Kohane the complimentary birthday badge and crown. She felt a little silly wearing them as a 16-year-old, but Minori and Shiho assured her she looked cute. Once in the park, all of Kohane’s anxiety faded into the background. She let herself be caught up in taking pictures of the special March decor—Minori made a point to take as many pictures of Kohane because ‘The birthday guest was the most important part of the trip.’

Rather than follow her optimized Phoenix Wonderland plan for visiting as much as possible as efficiently as possible, Kohane let them wander and do whatever they felt like doing. They went on all her favorite rides, the Ferris wheel, and they even visited the Phenny-kun haunted house and reminisced on the time the three of them spent together making their class’ haunted house. They each got a snack after visiting the most exciting attractions. 

As they ate, they made a trip past the Wonder Stage hoping to greet Emu and thank her again for the tickets, but they weren’t there. Kohane thought it was strange because she had their weekly showings schedule memorized. They should’ve had a show scheduled for this time.

The stage's timetable had a sign that read, ‘We’re off to spread smiles around the world! See you next time!’ That was the sign they used when they left the park to do shows elsewhere. 

“That’s weird, I thought Saki mentioned they weren’t doing promotional work anymore,” said Shiho.

“Aw man…” Minori cried. “I was kinda looking forward to seeing them too…”

Kohane was also disappointed. The Wonder Stage had become one of her favorite attractions this past year—it solidified its place at the top when the cast there once made a bunch of different balloon animals just for her as a thank-you for always seeing their shows. 

“It’s okay,” Kohane smiled. “I’ll be sure to tell Emu-chan all about our time here today.”

Just then, Kohane felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. A text from her mom:

 > I hope you’re having a fun time with your friends. I’ll have dinner ready whenever you come home.

Kohane actually forgot to tell her parents where she would be after school. They probably didn’t think much of it since she hasn’t returned home immediately after school in so long. 

im actually at pheniland with my school friends right now <

> Oh, that’s nice :) Why don’t you invite them over for dinner?

are you sure? <

> Of course. It’s your special day after all! I’ll prepare extra ;)

The prospect of Minori and Shiho visiting her house made Kohane nervous again. She hadn’t had people from school over since she was in primary school, and those were usually arranged by her parents and their friends who had kids her age. However, Kohane didn’t want their time together to end just yet, and there was no guarantee either of them would want to join Kohane and her parents for dinner. Despite all of that, Kohane forced herself to be selfish.

“Do you want to come over to my house for dinner?”

---

Arm-in-arm, the three of them strolled down the street leading to Kohane’s house from the station. On one side, Minori held the specialty birthday-themed Phenny-kun plushie Kohane got in exchange for the ticket Emu gave her, and on the other side, Shiho had another exclusive spring-themed Phenny-kun she and Minori bought for her wedged under the arm that wasn’t interlocked with Kohane’s. 

The two of them listened as Minori talked about everything they did together. She couldn’t wait to share the pictures she took with Kohane and show them to her groupmates. Shiho added her bandmates were already expecting to hear about their trip. Kohane found that being with them was much easier than any school friends she’d ever had before. She didn’t have to hide anything. They could connect with each other over their shared love of music, and they were so peaceful to be around.

The sky turning gold above her and the warmth on each side of her made Kohane’s heart swell. She thought if she were to say something to show her appreciation, it would be right now—a picturesque moment of peace. But they neared Kohane’s house sooner than she anticipated. She had to hope she would get a moment to thank them later.

“I’m sorry if it’s a bit messy in here, I wasn’t expecting to have people over.” Kohane unlocked her front door and led Shiho and Minori inside.

“Don’t worry about it! We’re sorry for suddenly coming over like this!” Minori replied.

“Yeah, thanks for having us.”

Even though her mom texted her dinner was ready, all of the lights were off in the house and Kohane couldn’t smell anything coming from the kitchen. 

Kohane took one step into the living room, flipped on the light switch, and in an instant, she was blasted with a room full of color and people cheering for her. At that moment, she heard the joy as it surrounded her, but she wasn’t listening. She stood in shock and tried not to cry. 

When she turned back to Minori and Shiho, they both had party poppers in hand and set them off as they wished her a happy birthday. An jumped her and held on tight. Akito ruffled her hair. Touya asked, “Were you surprised? We did our best to keep it a secret.”

The cast members of Wonderlands x Showtime were there to perform a special show just for her. Minori enlisted the help of her groupmates to make her birthday cake, and real-life idols sang a birthday song for her. Shiho’s band also played a couple of songs (with limited equipment). All of it, for her sake.

They didn’t forget after all. Kohane made sure to give Minori and Shiho the biggest hug she could, thank them for spending the day with her, and scold them for their hidden acting ability.

Kohane was incredibly grateful to be celebrated by so many people. As the evening went on, most of it remained a blur of laughter, music, good food, and well wishes. An had gone all out, as Kohane should have expected her to, but apparently, she received quite a bit of help from Haruka and Minori as well. They’ve learned a lot about what it meant to host a party and how to keep it a secret. 

After mostly everyone had left, only An, Akito, and Touya remained to help clean up and stay the night. The evening fell into a lull once the four of them changed out of their school uniforms and settled into Kohane’s room. An insisted on trying out the nail polish she got for Kohane. An might’ve been more obsessed with the idea of painting their nails in their favorite colors than Kohane was, but she didn’t mind. Seeing An enjoy herself was enough of a birthday gift. 

The four of them sat around the table on Kohane’s bedroom floor and talked as An painted their nails. Despite the excitement from the day, their conversations fell into familiar territory: what album they discovered on the way to school that morning, what event listings were posted recently, what groups have been making waves and where, preparations for their own event at Crawl Green that was still a few weeks out. An only interrupted to announce she ran out of chips to snack on as she began to work on Akito’s nails.

“I can get some more. Do you guys want anything else?”

“May I have some more water?” Touya asked, the bottle beside him was nearly empty.

“Of course! Akito-kun?”

“I’m good. Thanks.”

“He probably shouldn’t have anything right now anyway,” An added. “He’ll ruin his new manicure.”

“I can take care of wet nails, An. This isn’t my first rodeo, you know?” He shot back.

Kohane giggled, “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

She left her room behind full of warm chatter broken by Touya reminding them the three of them still had an assignment due tomorrow and the whines that followed. Kohane smiled to herself.

Kohane found both of her parents in the kitchen. “—Oh, there she is.” Her dad hid a box behind his back. Kohane continued to the pantry with suspicion as to why both of her parents stared at her as she walked.

“Hey there, sweetheart,” her mom greeted her. “Is everything going well?” 

“Yeah! An-chan just wants more chips, and Touya-kun asked for more water, so…” Her mom turned behind her and grabbed four bottles from the fridge and set them on the counter for Kohane. It was more than what she needed, but her mom had been so insistent that all of her friends were properly taken care of while they were here. Kohane grabbed the bag of chips she came out here for and started refilling the bowl. “What’s that behind your back?” she asked her dad and his unwavering dopey grin.

“Oh, this?” He revealed a simple, flat, white box with pink ribbon tied around it. “We meant to give it to you earlier during the party, but everyone’s activities were so… exciting!—that we forgot about it.”

Her mom chimed in, “We were just debating whether to interrupt you all and give it to you now or wait until tomorrow, but since you’re here…”

Kohane abandoned her snack mission and accepted the box from her dad. “Happy birthday, Kohane.”

She set it on the counter beside her and unraveled the ribbon. She opened the box and found a picture frame face down, surrounded by tissue paper. She flipped it over, and she froze. 

“I knew you’d be upset if I showed you back then because the live house didn’t allow photography, and you told me not to bring my camera… but Kohane,” her dad said. “Take a close look at this shot. Look at your face.”

She looked back down at the frame, running her thumb across the polished wood as she examined each subject in the photo: Akito, Touya, An, and herself. Or was it only someone who looked like her? They stood onstage with icy blue and hot pink lighting fighting for attention from behind them, equaled out by the front lights that made the passion on each of their faces shine as they sang.

Azusawa Kohane was never the type to get in front of a crowd and do anything let alone sing and dance. Azusawa Kohane never had any friends who trusted her to perform with them like that. Azusawa Kohane never even knew how to make friends. 

Yet there Azusawa Kohane stood; she smiled and belted with her whole chest and her whole heart, poured all of her feelings into an audience, and connected to them with their song. She defied everything she once thought herself to be trapped as forever. 

“That’s really me?”

“Why, of course! Who else would it be?” her dad joked a reply.

It went further than that. With a million attempts, Kohane never would have been able to guess this would be the place she wound up at only a year after her promise to herself. One year ago she swore that things would change; she would give her parents someone to be truly proud of, and, more importantly, she would finally make herself happy. This thing she’d held in the back of her head for a year, she only just realized she’d succeeded in fulfilling it. Azusawa Kohane was no longer the person she used to be.

She turned to her mom and asked, “Mom? I… I didn’t lose myself, did I?”

It took her a moment to remember. “Oh… oh, no sweetheart,” her mom replied with watery eyes, “We have never seen you be more like yourself.” She pulled her and her dad into a hug and continued. “You’re having fun. Not only that, but you’re showing the world how much fun you’re having. And for that, I couldn’t be more proud to call you my Kohane.”

“Aw, Mom~”

“Do you think you lost yourself?”

Kohane stopped to think for a moment, but she didn’t need to. “No, I’m still me.”

“I don’t know what all those friends of yours have done, but we owe them the world for making our daughter happy and helping her discover what she could be. You’ve discovered how powerful you can be.” 

“Ugh, Dad…” Now the embarrassment started to settle in. At any moment, the other three could walk in on this to turn it into mortification. They were probably wondering what was taking her so long, but Kohane wanted to savor this for a moment longer. It was her special day after all.

“And no matter what,” her mom whispered. “We will always be so proud of you.”

Those words carried more weight from Kohane’s ears all the way to her chest than they ever have before. She clutched the frame to her chest and silently wept (crying with contacts still felt a bit weird), smothered by her parent’s love. She’d heard those words so many times before and they never felt like this.

“Ko~ha~ne~!” An called all the way from her bedroom. “Did you get lost on the way back?!” Kohane believed she heard Akito shush her with ‘Dude, shut up, her parents are here!’

“But~" her dad gave them one last squeeze and parted to hand Kohane a water bottle. "I suppose I could settle for just getting them some more snacks and drinks for now.”

Kohane wiped at her cheeks, still sobbing with a smile. “I can’t go back like this…”

“Why? They won’t be mean to you for crying will they?” Her father, ever so protective, was a bit too concerned.

“No, it’s just…”

Embarrassing.

Kohane had spent the better half of the past year building a strong and self-assured foundation to rest her newfound skill and resolve upon, so when she returned to her room with a bowl of chips and the picture frame in one arm and too many water bottles in the other, bloodshot eyes, and a matching red face, of course her teammates would think something was wrong. 

“Look who finally came ba…” An’s face dropped. “Whoa, Kohane, what's wrong?!” An abandoned the nail polish and Akito’s hand. She stood and set aside the bottles wedged in Kohane’s arm. “Were you crying?”

“Is everything alright?” Touya asked.

Kohane nodded. She set the bowl of chips on the table that An didn’t care about anymore and sat on her bed. “I want you guys to see this,” Kohane sniffled. An sat beside her, and her hand instinctively started to rub Kohane’s back. It sent chills to Kohane’s brain. Touya moved to sit on the other side of her. Akito turned where he sat on the floor to face them. He rested his hands of still-wet polish on Touya’s knee.

She continued, “My parents just gave me this.” Kohane pulled the frame away from her, and the other three leaned in to get a better view of the four of them onstage. It had only been a matter of months since the photo was taken, but it already seemed like a distant past—they were only just starting out and Kohane’s parents were afraid she was getting herself into something dangerous. Once she invited them to one of their battle performances, Kohane’s dad must’ve realized how much Kohane was thriving. Getting to talk to An’s dad might have also been a major contributor to her parent’s ease, but after that night he saw her perform and took this picture, neither of Kohane’s parents doubted the path she chose for herself again.

An cooed, “Aw… look at us~”

“When was this taken?” Akito asked.

“That was the battle we did a couple of weeks after our first STAY GOLDEN entry. I remember it well,” Touya replied. “I invited my father to this show. I believe Mr. Azusawa was also in attendance that night.”

“Yeah, that’s right. Even after the staff told him no cameras were allowed… he still got this shot…” He broke the rules, but Kohane could forgive him this one time for such an amazing composition. All four of them are balanced though not entirely in focus. She could still see their faces clearly enough to adore it. 

Akito moved his hand and caressed her knee. He was the first to notice she started tearing up again. She tried to swipe away at her eyes before the tears fell but to no avail.

“It’s a bit funny. I’ve seen pictures of us before, but right now… I feel…”

An rested her head on Kohane’s shoulder. “Take your time.” Touya even offered a gentle hand behind her back. He’d never done anything like that before, but Kohane supposed he wouldn’t have since she’s never needed to be comforted like this. She never thought she could have people besides her parents to comfort her like this. She never thought her place in the world and the people she met there could cause a need to be comforted.

“Before I met you, I wasn’t anything like how I am now.”

“Yeah, we knew that much.” An kicked Akito’s foot though it was more of a playful nudge. “Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood. Keep going.”

Kohane giggled. Another breath before she continued. “I was really scared of everything. I didn’t have any friends, and I kept all my hobbies to myself. I really only shared my photography with my dad, and I never found anyone in Junior High who liked to listen to musicals and music as much as me and my mom. I started visiting Phoenix Wonderland alone on my days off because it became too awkward to visit with my parents as a teenager.” She still felt a pang of guilt for that. “I never thought I could have something like this to share with other people.

“On my birthday last year, I promised myself this would be the year I would change. I’d stop being a loser and do something with myself.” As Kohane’s voice began to crack, An squeezed her arm. “Even though Minori-chan became friends with me so quickly, and then Shiho-chan, I didn’t really believe I deserved to be friends with them until I started to become more confident. And that only happened,” she cried, “because of you.”

Because of the person whose head rested on her shoulder, because of the person who held her from behind, because of the person who offered support from the front and a consoling thumb rubbed back and forth over her sweatpants—because of them and Minori’s overwhelming light and Shiho’s sturdy solidarity, Kohane was able to find herself.

"I'm so sorry. You guys are staying over for my sake, and here I am, crying because of some picture…"

The three of them paused and looked at each other.

"Kohane." She looked to Akito. "I'm here because I want to be. You have nothing to apologize for. And if it makes you feel any better, you could never have been half the loser An was."

“Have you forgotten you’re in kicking range?”

Akito surrendered, “Fine, we all used to be losers. That’s just a part of growing up.”

“Yeah and some of us never grew out of it,” An scoffed. Kohane let out another soft laugh. They were trying to cheer her up. “And crying over a picture? Kohane, that's us! You're happy because you have us now. That’s nothing to apologize for. I mean look at me, I’m basically crying now too…”

"Oh? You care about us that much, huh?" Akito smirked.

"Of course I do! Are you saying you don't?"

"I understand how the two of you feel," Touya interrupted them. "You all gave me something to fight for. Something to look forward to, and something I want to protect. For that, I will forever be grateful."

They went quiet. Touya’s sudden earnestness caused whatever thoughts they had to die in their tracks; his sincere eyes stunned them.

Akito cleared his throat and added, "Yeah, I guess… we're all on the same page then." His and An’s teasing stopped for the night.

“Hey Touya, I think it’s time for the thing,” said An.

“Oh, you mean that thing?” Touya stood to reach for his bag. He took out his laptop and turned it on.

“What thing?”

Akito took Touya’s place on the bed and replied, “Your parents aren’t the only ones with a last-minute gift.”

“What? But I thought the party was your gift to me…”

An hummed, “Well… the party was more of a group effort between us, Minori, and Haruka—oh! But the Phoenix Wonderland distraction was entirely Hinomori-san’s idea, and Kamishiro-senpai’s troupe was more than willing to help us!”

“The party was… something,” Akito groaned. “But this, this is just us.”

“What is it?”

“Here,” Touya climbed behind Kohane. The four of them turned and gathered around the laptop he faced in front of Kohane on her bed. The only thing on the screen was a media player with a picture Kohane had taken at some point. She really liked that photo—an aerial shot of four hands holding sunflowers they bought from a street vendor on Vivid Street—but couldn't find any use for it in any promotional material she made. "Press play when you're ready."

Kohane looked around at each of them. The soft anticipation in each of their eyes as they met made her worry. What could possibly have them this excited? What if she didn’t like it as much as they wanted her to? She didn’t want to let them down.

She pressed play.

The second it took for the file to load was the longest moment of stillness she'd felt since she first heard the opening song of RAD Weekend. Then it hit her all at once. A seemingly simple piano overflowed out of the speakers, and then the beat dropped. It overwhelmed her to the point where she started crying once more even though she thought her tears had run dry. She immediately recognized the song. Under layers and layers of An and Akito’s and maybe even Touya's alterations, the base of the track was the song Touya started writing a couple of months ago. The one she said she loved. The one they said they scrapped.

The music kept playing while An handed Kohane her phone. On it, she had a note pulled up titled, 'Kohanes lyrics ;) <3.'

     Passing through this familiar street

     I step faster, I’m sure you’re counting on me

     While I cross paths with a bunch of different faces

     While I remember the words you once said to me

     I am here

     So you can see I’m on my own right now

     But that’s different from loneliness

     Can you feel it? Our connecting thoughts

     Don’t be afraid, don’t look down

     Let’s raise our hands and celebrate the answer inside you

The track faded out, and she was left stunned. She started to notice how much she'd been crying.

"So? What do you think?" An asked, tears welling up. "You don't hate it, do you?"

"That… that's for me?"

"That's a song only for you to sing," Touya explained. His soft smile was rounder than usual. "We can make any adjustments to the track or lyrics as you'd like—"

"No! No, it's perfect! I don't want to change any of it!"

Akito smiled, "You're an easy crowd, huh?"

Kohane sniffled, "Heh, it's not like that really, I… I really love it." 

      I am here

"I—I never…"

She never would be able to believe the day she's had. So many people came together to orchestrate this celebration—to celebrate her life, the same life she doubted could ever find any meaning outside of the walls of her house. Although now, on this path of learning to love her life, she felt that even if she had only ever been loved by her parents, her life would still have been meaningful. 

Today, Kohane’s friends brought her around her favorite amusement park, surprised her with a party and live performances, and gave her gifts that left her feeling powerful and emotional—all of these things happened because she decided to try. Because of the promise she made to herself.

Exactly one year ago, Kohane promised herself things would change. She would change. She would stop waiting for her turn and do something, make something of herself. In her attempts to make true to that promise, she acquired a dream. 

"Thank you… Thank you so much."

Thank you for being here. Thank you for letting me stand beside you. Thank you for standing beside me. Thank you for everything you've done and everything you will do to help me be the person I want to be.

I love you.

Was that too much? 

One of the hardest things about growing closer to people was telling them how she felt. Savoring the feeling of being in their hold, strong and steady, was enough for now. She'd find the courage to say it when she was ready. 

Maybe next year.