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Remember me, though I have to say goodbye
“I’m dying, Azula.”
She looks at me as though I’m lying, and this time, I’m not. Today will mark three months since I was first told; to look into someone’s eyes for the first time in years, and have them tell you you have a mere five months–if I’m lucky–to live? Bluntly, is terrifying. But luck was always on my side.
Remember me, don't let it make you cry
She questions me, again and again, she does. She cries, and again questions, until she realizes the truth of a liar’s tongue comes much rougher and shaper than you’d expect.
Surprisingly not so regrettable, was telling Zuko. Although, I wasn’t given the choice whether to tell him or not, but, he… met me where I was. Showed me this odd thing, he called it “the power of compassion”. I don’t entirely get it, but Zuko says in time I will. I just don’t know if I have enough time to.
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For even if I'm far away, I hold you in my heart
Today marks one day I’ve lived past my expiry date, I know my death is inevitable and soon.
I met with Zhao’s wife, today marks 6 years he’s been missing. I decided to tell her everything, all he helped me through, his trust in me, our… love.
She spat at me and told me to leave, that a ‘disgusting faggot like me” doesn’t deserve to live anyway. He never loved her anyway.
I sing a secret song to you each night we are apart
During the war, and when we were younger, he served more than I ever did, though I wished I could’ve been there with him, the letters we sent to each other served as a nice reminder of his love. His songs he sent to me, that he swore he sung every night for me, so special to me.
Remember me, though I have to travel far
When he returned from his service, things got hard. He would have these nightmares, and what my doctor calls flashbacks as well. I left him, deciding that maybe I was the problem, I traveled the nation, when I returned, he had gone off, back to serve.
Remember me each time you hear a sad guitar
One of his hobbies was guitar, oddly enough. Zhao said he “lost the knack for it” after I finally heard from him during his second run.
He played for me after he got home from his first tour, and that was the last time I heard him play.
Riding back from the home of Zhao’s wife today, I heard someone play a guitar. I look out the window and I could swear that that’s Zhao playing, I ask the driver to stop, and I get out. I ask for the players name, he smiles, “Lu Shi,” he says, I begin to cry, “Zhao’s.. son?” I ask, he nods.
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Know that I'm with you the only way that I can be
I stupidly invited him to the palace, offered him anything I can, he denied everything I did. He only asked to hear stories of his father. I told him every story I could remember. Stories feel like the only way I can be with him still. I climb onto the stool, hoping I’ll be with him again momentarily, I put the noose on.
Until you're in my arms again, remember me
I suppose the stories gave Lu Shi a hint of the truth, he upped and left when I finished the fifth tale, muttering something about the “damn gays”. Like mother, like son. But, his kid didn’t have to tell mine.
If to only be shamed for the rest of the short time I have left, then what is the point?
As I step off the stool, I briefly hear the door to the room opens, and the line goes slack. My note? “remember me”