Work Text:
Seven years, and nine days. Three hundred sixty-six weeks. Two thousand, sixty-five days. That adds up to what? Sixty-one thousand, three hundred fourty-four hours? That's over three million seconds.
All this time, Izuku has come to their spot every night. Every single night, he’s shown up and just held onto that little sliver of hope that he might just come back. That he might just miss Izuku as much as he misses him. That he might just change his mind. That he might just realize Izuku is what he wanted after all. That he might just.
Obviously, it’s not gonna happen. He’s gone and Izuku knows that. Izuku would be absolutely foolish to think he’ll actually come back.
But hey, Izuku never considered himself particularly smart for falling in love with Bakugou Katsuki. Of all people he could have fallen for, it just had to be him.
Brash, careless, angry Bakugou Katsuki. Hateful, ignorant, arrogant Bakugou Katsuki. Honest to a fault, loud, stubborn Bakugou Katsuki. Bossy, aggressive, demanding Bakugou Katsuki. Competitive, selfish, downright hostile Bakugou Katuski.
All of that. That’s who he is. That is who Bakugou Katsuki is. But that’s not who Izuku fell in love with. How could it be? It's red flag after red flag. It’s self-mutilating to want someone so harmful.
No. Izuku fell in love with the protective, ambitious, and brave Bakugou Katsuki. The hard-working, organized, and funny Bakugou Katsuki. Izuku fell in love with the side of Bakugou Katsuki that he never let anybody else see. The soft, loving, and at times sweet Bakugou Katsuki who would touch Izuku with the softest touches and kiss Izuku with the softest lips and talk to Izuku with the softest whisper and sing to Izuku with the softest hum.
The brash Bakugou Katsuki was just a front. Izuku saw the real him. Izuku knows who he really is and so he learned to love the carelessness and the bossiness and the arrogance. He learned to love the loudness and the stubbornness. He learned to love it all because, at the end of the day, it is all the same person. It is all the person he fell in love with.
Izuku loved it all.
Hell, who is he kidding? Izuku loves it all. He loves everything about Bakugou Katsuki, despite not speaking with him for seven years.
Seven years.
Seven years he has been coming to this river and sitting on the same damn rock, refusing to sit anywhere else because the rock was the spot he always sat in and there’s no way he could move seats because what if he comes back? What if Bakugou Katsuki comes back?
Seven years he has been coming back here and he knows that it concerns his best friends. And he knows that it concerns his mother. And he knows that it’s not right. And he knows that he should stop coming here. And he knows that he should stop missing him. And he knows that he should move on. And he knows that all. He knows. He knows. He knows. He knows. He knows. He knows. He knows. He knows. He knows. He knows. He knows. He knows. He fucking knows.
Seven years ago he was broken up with at this very river. It’s been seven years of coming back here every night, way more often than he ever did when they were together. It’s been seven years.
He’s been coming here and sometimes he cries about the fact that he’s never going to see the love of his life ever again. But sometimes he laughs from all of their good memories. Sometimes he’s hopeful that the man he’s loved for forever will come back. Sometimes he’s fucking pissed at the way that Bakugou Katsuki left. That he ruined this river for him, breaking up with him here.
Yet, he still comes every single night at the same time, like clockwork. It’s where he feels closest to Bakugou Katuski. Sometimes when he comes here he just talks and talks and talks. He talks about things he’s excited about and would tell Bakugou Katsuki if the man were actually here. He talks about things bugging him. He talks about his issues. He talks about his wants. He talks about his work, how much it takes out of him. He talks about how he goes through every single day looking forward to just sitting on a rock by a river. He talks.
They only dated for six months. Izuku wasn’t even the one to confess. They were roommates and Izuku sure as hell wasn’t going to fuck that up. Then one day they were having a stupid argument, about something Izuku can’t even remember anymore, when Katsuki blurted out that he was in love with Izuku and they kissed and nothing more needed to be said between them. They just knew. That’s sort of always the way it’d been with them. They knew exactly how to communicate without actually saying anything.
Ironic that it took so long for them to realize they were in love with each other.
Just six months. But those were the absolute best six months of Izuku’s life. Six months of waking up next to Bakugou Katsuki. Six months of waking up to Bakugou Katsuki’s soft forehead kisses. Six months of waking up to Bakugou Katsuki’s fingers sorting slowly through his curls, careful not to pull on Izuku’s head by hitting a knot. Six months of waking up to breakfast in bed every single Sunday because Bakugou Katsuki was oddly domestic. Six months of whispered sweet nothings. Six months of doing something as simple as taking turns making the bed (they had separate rooms before the confession). Six months of fondness. Six months of sweet kisses. Six months of “how was your day, my love?”. Six months of notes left around the apartment. Six months of “I love you’s”. Six months of falling even more undeniably, painstakingly, heart-achingly in love with fucking Bakugou Katsuki.
Yeah, it was also six months of arguments and bickering and banishing each other to the couch on some nights. But that doesn’t compare to any of the rest. That could never compare to the rest. The good far outweighs the bad.
It was six months with the real thing but an entire lifetime of loving him.
Today, Izuku is crying. He misses Bakugou Katsuki.
He just wants the chance to see him again. He knows that Bakugou Katsuki doesn’t want him anymore, he found someone new and that’s okay. Izuku is fine with that but he just wants to see him again, is that too much to ask for? Izuku’s never been selfish. He’s always tried to give the most to everybody but just this once he wants to be selfish, just this once he wants something for himself. Just this once he wants to be able to just see Bakugou Katsuki again.
“Deku,” A gruff voice comes from behind him.
Izuku laughs humorlessly, it’s wet and just causes more tears because great now he’s imagining things. He’s going crazy. This is just great.
He turns around, just to humor his delusions, when he sees Bakugou Katsuki standing right there. His tears pause and he stands up and tries to make eye contact with the man but he’s avoiding it. Izuku is trying to decide if this is really real. He just stares at him blankly, confused as to whether his ex-boyfriend is actually standing in front of him or not.
“I didn’t know you’d be here,” Bakugou Katsuki scoffs and walks toward Izuku, walks past Izuku, knocking his shoulder on the way to wherever he was going, “of course, you’d still come here, Nerd.” Izuku hears as the man pauses, no more footsteps.
Izuku turns around to see the same view of his ex.
He wants to scream and yell at Bakugou Katsuki. He wants to be angry at the man. He didn’t get a chance to be when he was broken up with because he was left alone too fast. He didn’t get the chance to yell at the man. That’s what he really wants to do. That’s what he tries to do.
He tries.
He tries to scream. To scream anything, literally anything, at the man. His name, even. Bakugou Katsuki. Just something. Izuku wants to be mad.
But all that comes out is a faint, “Kacchan,” barely moving past his lips.
Kacchan looks over at Izuku, finally giving him that eye contact that Izuku wanted earlier and he just looks so different. 7 years older, that’s for sure. He’s what now? 30?
There’s no longer that fierce look in his eyes. There’s not even that soft look that used to be reserved just for Izuku. No, he looks tired.
Izuku has been thinking about what to say to Kacchan if he ever saw the man again. He’s been thinking about it for 7 years but now that he’s actually right in front of him, he can’t think of anything. He has no words.
He still really wants to be angry but seeing that look in Kacchan’s eye makes it so much worse.
“I just,” Kacchan clears his throat, looking back out to the river, “got back to town. Thought it would be fuckin’ nostalgic to come back here some shit. Wasn’t expecting it to hurt so god damn much.”
Izuku stays silent, just staring at Kacchan. He’s wanted this day for years, hell he wanted this day to come just a few minutes ago but now that it’s here, he can’t think of anything to say.
“I’ve missed you, y’know.”
“You broke up with me,” Izuku responds immediately, not even knowing what he was going to say, or that he was going to say anything in the first place, until he said it.
Kacchan nods. This is nothing like the Kacchan Izuku used to know. This Kacchan is quiet and closed off.
He turns his whole body this time to see Izuku, “I can still miss you.”
“You left me for someone else,” Izuku feels the rage boiling in his chest, he still wants to be mad. He wants to yell and he might just get that wish with how fucking pissed he is feeling right now. “You left me for someone else, Katsuki. You sat me down on this god damn fucking rock,” He gestures aggressively toward the rock he had been sitting on just moments prior, “and you told me you found someone else and that you were leaving me for them. I haven’t been able to move on. I haven’t been able to move on because you left me!” He takes a step toward Katsuki and takes a handful of his shirt, gripping it between his fingers, “Every single other person in my life is getting married or having kids or buying a house or getting a big raise in their career and I’m coming here every single night, Katsuki. You didn’t even give me a chance to react.”
Izuku’s grip softens and his hand melts against Kastuki’s chest, “Now you show up here and all I want to do is be fucking pissed at you, all I want to do is yell at you. I wanna scream at you and make you feel terrible. I have so much I wanna say to you that I can’t say to you right now because you come here looking all…” He hesitates before gesturing with his free hand to Katsuki’s entirety.
He looks just as good as he did seven years ago despite the tired look in his eye. His hair is the same ball of blonde and his resting face is still his usual scowl and he’s the same height and he’s even still somehow got the same style from seven years ago.
“Like that and I just really want to kiss you,” Izuku feels tears falling down his cheeks and under his chin, “I wanna hear you tell me you love me again.” He takes a deep breath and lets it out. He shakes his head in frustration, “I wanna hate your freaking guts but I can’t because all I am thinking about is kissing you and I can’t do that either because you left me.”
Katsuki opens his mouth to speak but Izuku doesn’t let him, “No! I don’t wanna hear what you have to say! You left me, Katuski.” He pauses for a moment, taking a quick look around before landing back on Katsuki, “Yet here I am,” he gulps, “I am in the same place that causes me so much pain,” His face softens, “because it also brought me so much joy. We used to have such great times here. But, apparently, I’m not who you wanted then and I know I’m not who you want now and I don’t think I can handle that, Katsuki.”
“Deku…” Katsuki lets out a shaky breath, taking in everything that was just told to him. He brings a hand up to Izuku’s face.
Izuku feels his heart begin to race and he’s not sure he can take it anymore. Katsuki speaks again, “How long have you been coming here for?”
“Since you broke up with me,” Izuku answers truthfully, using the hand not against Katuski’s chest to wipe his face away.
Katsuki’s face contorts and his own eyes fill with tears, “Why?”
“I don’t know,” Izuku lets both of his hands fall to his side before bringing them up to rub at his face, causing Katsuki to remove his hand. His face feels empty after that but Izuku doesn’t say anything about it. Instead, he takes a deep breath and takes his hands away from his face, “I don’t know, it was like a compulsion at first. Telling me to go to the river and I would. Then, at some point, it changed from a compulsion to a routine. I mindlessly walked to the river every day after dinner.”
“Every day?”
Izuku nods.
“Deku… It’s been seven years, you’ve been coming here every day for seven years? I thought you were exaggerating when you said you came here very single night.”
“I would stay here forever if it meant I could feel close to you, Katsuki,” Izuku admits, chuckling humorlessly because what else is there to do? Continue to blankly stare? Continue to cry? Sure.
They’re both silent for a while, just looking into each other’s eyes. Izuku feels dirty knowing that Katsuki has someone else and they’re here sharing this look. He’s so conflicted right now. He wants to be angry at Katsuki for leaving but at the same time, he can’t help but be so happy that he’s here. He’s finally here.
Katsuki breaks their silence, “I’ve been single for 6 years.”
“What?” Izuku whispers, emotion swirling inside of him. Hope.
“I thought I loved the other person,” Katsuki explains, “I thought I loved him more than you but everything he fucking did reminded me of you, Deku.” His voice breaks as he stares into Izuku’s eyes, “I broke up with him but thought you would be too angry or sad and shit to take me back so I never tried. I never even came back to town.”
“Katsuki,” It was Izuku’s turn to mumble the other’s name quietly and in shock as something was revealed to him.
“I wanted to reach out but I couldn’t bare the thought of you hating my fucking guts,” Katsuki places a hand back onto Izuku’s face and Izuku inhales sharply at the touch. He really missed that touch. “So I stayed away. I came here because I fucking missed you, Izuku.”
Izuku decides that they can deal with their problems later. They can talk about being more open with each other later. They can talk about all of Izuku’s hurt later. They can talk about the fact that Katsuki thought he would have a better time with someone else later. Isn’t it a saying that you don’t realize how much you’ll miss something until it’s gone? Well, Katsuki found that out the hard way, right?
Izuku decides they can talk about everything later.
Because right now he really just wants to kiss the blonde man in front of him.
It’s been seven years but as soon as their lips connect, they remember each other right away. It’s been seven years but this kiss makes it feel like no time passed at all. He missed kisses from Katsuki. He missed the kisses so, so, so much.
They can sort things out later. Izuku can be angry later. Katsuki can explain his reasoning better later. They can talk about everything later because right now, in this moment, Izuku is releasing his kiss with Katsuki and looking into his eyes. The tired look is gone and Izuku realizes maybe it wasn’t a tired look at all. It was a sad look. It was the look of someone without the love of their life.
It’s also likely the same look that Izuku has been sporting himself for the last seven years. This look just gives Izuku the courage to wrap his arms around Katuski’s back, resting his head on the man’s chest. He has missed this a lot as well.
Katsuki wraps his arms around Izuku and presses a firm kiss to the top of his head and Izuku missed that especially. So, like Izuku has been doing for the last seven years, he’s just going to stay right here for a moment. He’s going to let himself be happy before they have to have the difficult conversations.
Izuku hasn’t forgiven Katsuki. No, not at all. However, right now he doesn’t want to lose Katsuki again so he’s going to stand right here, in his arms, and feel the man’s warmth against him for however long Katsuki will allow it.
Izuku no longer has to wait where he was left because now Katsuki is back. Now, Izuku thinks, it might be okay. It might end up okay. After all the difficult conversations they’re going to have to have and all the boundaries they’re going to have to set; It might end up being okay.