Work Text:
1st April 2005
Dear Mr Malfoy,
I am writing in relation to reports of your conduct disclosed by Team Manager Simon Waffle on dates 15th March, 27th March, 28th March, 28th March, 29th March and 30th March.
May I remind you of Principle One of the Montrose Magpies Code of Conduct: Treat your teammates with respect and kindness.
Reports of your behaviour in breach of this principle are as follows:
- One (1) reported incident whereby you referred to your teammate Jeremy Pritch as ‘Jeremy Prick’
- One (1) reported instance of covering your teammate Ronald Weasley’s broom with ‘Everard’s Everlasting glue', resulting in skin irritation and damage to his uniform
- One (1) reported theft of your teammate Harry Potter’s glasses
In addition, there have been a number of alleged incidents in breach of Principal Four of the Montrose Magpies Code of Conduct: Your team’s time is just as valuable as yours.
- One (1) instance of refusal to participate due to ‘excessive windspeed which would have undue negative impact on [my] hairline’
- One (1) instance of offensive language in response to the discussion of the aforementioned issues.
Further breaches the of Montrose Magpies Code of Conduct will result in a formal disciplinary warning
Kind Regards
Hermione J Granger
Human Resources Manager
Montrose Magpies
~*~
Granger,
I am always respectful, and always kind–it is kind and respectful to always be honest to one’s teammates and to create a fun atmosphere during training.
- You have to admit that Jeremy is a prick, and that joke was genuinely funny
- Weaselbee started it by putting glitter in my locker, I hope he’s received one of these fancy letters
- Potter loses his glasses all the time because he refuses to learn that handy relocation spell you taught us months ago, that is not my fault
- In subsection 4b of the player contract, there is a clause that states a player can decline to practise if the conditions are hazardous to his well being
- I admit calling Simon a twat wasn’t my finest hour but I was simply getting heated over such a blatant disregard for my health.
I do not believe any of my actions deserves such a disciplinary action, although I would be up for discussing this further over dinner.
All the best,
Draco Malfoy
~*~
8th April 2005
Dear Mr Malfoy,
Following my letter of 1st April, further reports have been made of inappropriate behaviour on 3rd April, 4th April.
In relation to Principal One of the Montrose Magpies Code of Conduct: Treat your teammates with respect and kindness.
- One (1) report of a shinguard being thrown at teammate Ronald Weasley
- One (1) report of Mr Weasley being referred to as ‘Slug breath’
- One (1) report of insinuating Mr Weasley suffers from erectile dysfunction
May I remind you that the health of our team remains the highest priority and any illness Mr Weasley may or may not be suffering from should under no circumstance be subject to scrutiny or ridicule.
Regarding Principal Four of the Montrose Magpies Code of Conduct: Your team’s time is just as valuable as yours.
Your contact requires your presence at ‘no less than four practice sessions per week, unless conditions are deemed hazardous to player safety and/or wellbeing.’
If the risk to your hairline in the event of wind speeds above 5 knots is significant enough to meet this criteria, please provide a doctor's note to Human Resources for future exemption.
Kind Regards
Hermione J Granger
Human Resources Manager
Montrose Magpies
~*~
Granger,
I would like to point out that all three of those ‘breaches’ of ‘conduct’ were done in defence of your honour (you should choose better boyfriends by the way, your track record sucks).
I’m glad you’ve been thinking about my wellbeing, Granger. I’m more than happy to extend that dinner invitation that you so callously ignored to discuss it further.
D.M
P.S. you looked very nice today. Green suits you.
~*~
8th April 2005
Mr Malfoy,
May I remind you that all formal Human Resources correspondence is retained for record-keeping purposes.
Please ensure any correspondence of a personal nature is distributed via your personal owl.
Kind Regards
Hermione J Granger
Human Resources Manager
Montrose Magpies
~*~
Granger,
For the record you look good in green. Please expect my owl.
Draco
~*~
30th April 2005
Dear Mr Malfoy
I regret to inform you that further accusations of misconduct have been made, specifically in relation to Principal One of the Montrose Magpies Code of Conduct: Treat your teammates with respect and kindness, on 18th April, 20th April and 21st April.
- One (1) report of calling your teammate Ronald Weasley ‘an inordinately unhealthy looking turd’
- One (1) report of a directive given to Mr Weasley to place his broom in a medically inadvisable location
- One (1) report of physical injury to Mr Weasley’s jaw and nose.
As this is your third warning for breaches of Principal One, it is my duty to inform you that a face-to-face meeting with Human Resources is required on 2nd May.
You may bring a representative from the Quidditch Union if you are a member.
Kind Regards
Hermione J Granger
Human Resources Manager
Montrose Magpies
~*~
Granger,
Well you do know how much I enjoy our face-to-face meetings. I don’t think a representative is necessary, I don’t think we need an audience, do you?
Oh, and for the record , he is an inordinately unhealthy looking turd, and he punched me first.
Draco
P.S. Surely we can drop the formalities by now? You had no problem using my first name last night.
~*~
1st May 2005
Dear Mr Malfoy,
In the interest of transparency, and in light of recent events, in my capacity as your Human Resources representative, I suggest that you complete and return form 12a to your Team Manager, Simon Waffle.
I will also make the same submission to my superior.
Kind Regards
Hermione J Granger
Human Resources Manager
Montrose Magpies
Attached: Human Resources Form 12a - Declaration of Intra-Team Interpersonal Relationship
~*~
Granger,
As much as I appreciate the concern, there is no need for that form–I resigned weeks ago.
Although perhaps my hairline is in even more danger than when I was playing, you really do have quite a grip, you know.
D.M
P.S. Please wear green tonight, you always look lovely in it.