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Nonon was angrily walking towards their flat. The clomping of her heels everpresent setting a spine-chilling vibe for what's about to come.
"HOUKAAAA!!!" the screams could be heard throw out the entire building. Inumuta stopped typing and tilted his head toward the direction it was coming from curiously. Nonon was furious. No, seething. She was practically about to explode. Houka was yet to be bothered looking at her with barely any interest.
"What?" He said flatly as ever. "WHAT IS THIS ABOUT THE TWO OF US BEING MARRIED AND WHY AM I FINDING OUT ABOUT IT ONLY NOW?"
"Oh. Yeah, I forged a marriage certificate" he said returning his gaze to his laptop.
"YOU DID WHAT?" she said her eyes widening and arms flailing around in pure disbelief.
"Like I said. I forged a marrige certificate" he said while typing continiously.
" THATS NOT WHAT I- YOU DID- I - UUGH!!!" and with that, she stormed out of the room slamming the door as loudly as she could.
---------‐------------
"...and yeah, she's been avoiding me ever since." Houka said while fidgeting with a pen in between his fingers.
"Damn you really did fuck up" said Ryuko taking a sip of her drink. "That was incredibly dumb of you, how did you think that was a good idea".
"Hey, I did not just pour my entire heart and soul to you to be met with such harsh judgment" he said slight anger in his voice but still keeping his cool.
"And I came here so you could teach me the sorcery that is third year math so that I dont fail my midterm, but I guess neither of us are getting what they wanted out of this"
Houka facepalmed over sheer despair. He realy didn't need this. Ryuko looked at him curiously, but quickly changed to annoyance "I honestly pity her. 'Married' to such an inconsiderate man. Did you ever think that she might be hurt by this? Have you just thought about how she feels?"
Houka took a slight offense to this "WE ALREADY LIVE TOGETHER. It wouldn't and it shouldn't make a difference. All we get out of this are tax benefits. We can just get a divorce if we dont feel like it anymore which feels more and more plausible"
"Yeah but what about a wedding ceremony? Isn't it every girl’s dream to walk down the aisle in a white dress and make an eternal vow with a person she loves..." she exclaimed in a dreaming way seeming more lost in her thoughts with each passing second.
"Oh hell no, I couldn't do that. Being in crowds for such a long period of time would be a nightmare" he exhaled at that last part feeling that exhaustion hit him at the bare thought even though he knows fully well that it isn’t gonna happen.
"That's rather selfish of you tho. What about what she wants?"
That realy struck a nerve. Houka has heard that exact phrase a thousand times before. He should be used to it at this point but it never failed to sting a little. He guesses that its because its a reality check. That no matter the amount of supportive and accepting friends he has made, he’s always going to be the stoic and emotionless boy he always was. He’s never really going to fit in, in the true sense of the word, and it’s only a matter of time before someone shatters the illusion once again...
"Oi, you okay?" Ryuko said snapping her fingers in front of his face, bringing him back from his thoughts. "You kind of zoned out there"
"I'm fine" that was a fucking lie. "But I've made my point. Theres really no need to pester me about how much I suck as a person"
"WHAT? I DIDN'T SAY- Ugh, fine, think what you want" she said, dramatically crossing her arms after witch awkward silence ensued.
There were no crickets for the dramatic effect, but every surrounding sound in the cafe could be heard and it was quickly becoming overwhelming.
After a long, long period of dead silence, Ryuko finally spoke up "She still sounded hurt though"
Houka sighed "Here we go again" he thought. "I might not get you, like at all. I assume you have your own reasons for the way you do things, but that isn't going to work right now. You upset her and there’s no way around that. Maybie you can still fix this" Ryuko said staring at the ground. She daren't look at him the tension in the air was still too high.
"I already told you I did everything I could"
"You could've asked her tho" Ryuko exclaimed finally looking at him
He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Houka was flabbergasted. How could something so simple and obvious slip his mind?
All the stress of the situation suddenly hit Houka. He was sitting there, motionless, lost in his thoughts.
Sometimes he wondered how they even happened. His stoic nature shouldn't mix well with her temperament on paper. Yet they come together more like macaroni and cheese or peanut butter and jelly... metaphors and all this fancy expression were not his thing, they were Nonon’s. They just made sense, somehow, that’s the whole shebang.
If one was to rationalize their emotions, it’s probably because they accepted the worst in each other. Most people found her paper-thin sweetness that quickly turns into sourness the second she gets emotional annoying at the very least. Not only did he tolerate the reason everyone loathed her but it was also what made her intriguing to him.
And it’s not like that feeling was one-sided. There are plenty of reasons not to be fond of Houka Inumuta. The most prominent was his unempathetic nature. The man always felt the need to rationalize everything, he couldn't just simply comfort people. Or, even worse, he’d just flat-out avoid emotions whether they are his own or from somebody else’s.
She, odly enough, accepted that after some time of knowing him, which was strange on it’s own, but even stranger that she seemed to understand that it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care. He doesn't express himself in the way others want him to because that’s simply the way he is and no amount of resentment is going to change that.
It was a mutual understanding on both sides. A constant push and pull. And Houka had now finally realized that he’d broken that cycle. That it didn’t matter if his intentions were righteous from the get-go, he overstepped a big boundary and of course, she was gonna be upset about that.
No matter how smitten he was with her from the begging it doesn’t change that he didn’t allow her to trust herself. And that was a lot worse.
"Oh my god," he took of his glasses so he can put his hands over his eyes in utter frustaration and shame "IM SO FUCKING STUPID"
"THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN FUCKING SAYING LIKE-" but there was nothing to add. He was in fact stupid.
He just started sulking afterward. Not necessarily with sadness but more with hopelessness of this hole he dug himself into and is contemptuous of just making it his new home. It has a chilly feeling but getting out just feels pointless.
Ryuko soon gave him a look of pity. Sure, he brought this upon himself and she wouldn’t know if she'd describe them as friends exactly, but she still didn't like to see people be miserable. She could already sense that slicing that awkwardness is not gonna be one swift and clean cut.
"Um... damn... you want water or something" Houka could see right throug her intentions and didn’t like that she was attempting to start a conversation again but still reluctantly replied.
"No-"
"OKAY LISTEN! IT'S NOT TOO LATE YOU CAN STILL FIX THIS! JUST TALK TO HER!" Ryuko blurted out so fast that it took a few seconds to comprehend it. It didn't comfort him exactly but at least it put him out of his trance.
"Oh, and how exactly do I do that? What exactly can I say to fix this?" the statement came out almost as a laugh. Houka started treating this as some sort of debate and he was determined to win for some reason, even though the cards were against him either way.
"Well just tell her your reasons for doing things and then explain why you were wrong. The good thing about hitting rock bottom is that you can only go up"
"Why do people insist on saying that when a bad situation occurs as if it makes anything better" well at least he’s back to his snarky remarks.
"... anyway just explain everything to her the same way you did to me right now, but cut out the self righteousness. If she decided to date you she probably already knows how much of a dumbass you are so she won't be too angry... for her standards" he chuckled at the last part. It’s true being with her sounds like standing to a hissing snake most of the time, not that he minded.
"Plus, if you don't resolve this, she's eventually gonna get over you and leave you. If she doesn't forgive you now, you're gonna have to watch you two grow more and more distant over time, until you eventually become less than strangers and never speak to each other again" she uttered in an almost cheery voice to witch Houka widened his eyes. Ryuko has undoubtfully said worse things in his presence but somehow these were the most brutal.
"So you even if you decide to be a pussy and chicken out last minute just know that your hands are tied" she grinned after finally finishing her overly long speech.
"Fine, fine I'll do it" there was a slight grin in the corner of his mouth. Seems like he was finaly over himself and is willing to give the most glaringly obvious solution a shot.
"FINALY" she yelled while getting up and raising her hands in the air "I TOUGHT I'D GO GRAY AND WRINKLY HERE TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO YOU THE MOST BASIC SOCIAL SKILL POSIBLE THIS IS BAD EVEN FOR SOMEONE WHO WORKS IN IT AND I'M NOT PAYING YOU FOR THIS I'VE BEEN HERE FOR AN HOUR I STILL DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS AN ASYMPTOTE"
"Point taken and not only am I not going to charge you now I'm also taking you to that nice expensive caffe next time, my treat"
"Can Mako tag along too?"
"Does she have to?"
"I set myself up on this one, didn't I?"
"Yup"
----------------------------------------------------
Houka stood in front of the door gathering the courage to enter all of the self-assurance he had moments prior fizzling out. Now that he was actually about to encounter the situation it seemed far more real and not like a bunch of empty stories.
Still, he pushed the doorknob and entered. Inside was the most insane, asinine, and unhinged thing he had ever seen. Nonon was... DOING THE DISHES. No. It was so much worse… She was COOKING. This woman could burn water given the chance so why she was anywhere near the stove was beyond him.
He eyed her suspiciously, careful not to disturb the perfect silence between him, her and the sound of running water and scrubbing of bowls. She did notice him after a while, not because he made some noise but just becauseyou're bound to notice someone if they just quietly stare at you like some sort of phantom.
"Oh, you're back" she said cheerfully while sporting the biggest, stupidest grin on her face, but Houka wasn’t fooled. This was worse than her being straight-up angry because it meant that she had planned something. This was it. This is one of the last things you see before you become a dead man.
"Hey.! I made you a little something. I am your wife after all" her passive aggressive grin widened and she was pushing a tray with food towards him. Ah, so it was poison. "EAT IT" she suddenly shouted breaking her very very thin facade of sweetness. It almost came off as a hiss.
He took a good look at the plate before him. Seems like she tried to make him sunny side up eggs, but they turned out scrambled. The thing was somehow burnt yet undercooked that he had to wonder if she made this with a flamethrower. Oh, but she still put some sort of green thing on top. It was as cute as it was laughable but one mustn’t laugh at this moment if they still want a head on their shoulders. C++ for effort.
"Weeeell?" oh shit here comes the cooky tone. We are one step from a complete rampage, someone better hurry up. "Okay, listen Nonon, we need to talk" FUCKING FINALLY HE BROKE THE ICE MY BOY IS ALL GROWN UP
"What, No BULLSHIT. What you need to do is let me give into my tradwife instincts, NOW EAT IT UP" she was putting a fork in front of his mouth as if she was trying to feed him. Ah shit time to put your dodging skills from hours spent on stg games to good use.
"Okay fine, fine I get it. It's less of a talk and more of an apology" he said arms in front of his face in defense, he sighed and started babbling.
"First of all… I'm sorry. It made the most sense to me for us to be married on paper because we share most of our property and live together. Like what happends if one day I just die-"
"Who the fuck gave you the permission to die?" she said staring down his soul not breaking eye contact with him for even a second. Still, he continued.
"But I could've and should've given you the agency in this matter. I wanted to get it done the sooner the better and thought you would take your sweet time with a ceremony and all. I thought I knew what was best for the both of us so I took things into my own hands. But even if it was forged less than legaly there’s still your name on it, and therefore I still should've talked to you about it"
Nonon lowered the fork her anger slowly merging into something far tamer.
"Also it's not like it could've been a secreet forever. You'd find out sooner or later. I promise I'm not trying to insult your inteligence"
"I am however going to insult yours. How the FUCK did you THINK that this was a good idea?"
Houka took a moment to find a good answer to that "I honestly don't know for certain. I think I just got ahead of myself”.
Nonon didn't have some sort of witty comeback to that. It was actually really introspective.
"Look, I'm not the best when it comes to people-"
"That is a HUGE understatement" she wasn't even angry at this point and had forgiven him halfway through, she just wanted to fuck with him. There it is, classic Nonon.
"Okay I'm downright awful when it comes to people, but I did realize what I did was unacceptable. I am sorry. I want you to know that even though I fuck up a lot, I do love you and I hope you understand how much I mean that 'cause I don't say that lightly" she was taken back a bit from what he just said. Sure, they'd been dating for a long time but it was still weird for Houka to exhibit such raw emotion. I don't think this guy had taken the fucking apocalypse so seriously.
"And if you don't want for us to stay togerher after this I understand and I can help you move out and modify the paperwork"
"Hold your horses, who said I'm leaving. You didn't think you'd get rid of me that easily Doggie?" she winked at the end. He might have just shaken her to her very core with all that has just happened but she'll be damned if that's gonna throw away her theatric nature. She’s a performer, first and foremost.
"Oh, okay" it genuinely caught him off guard that she was in a good mood. He expected her to at least take some time to blow off some steam "do you at least want for me to file a divorce so we can do things the way you wanted this time"
Nonon puckered her lips and pressed a finger onto them lost in her thoughts. "No, it might have been my first go-to before, but now it's just an inconvenience. And I'm done with wanting to torture your introverted ass so, no, I won't organise a whole day event where we have to be in center of attention constantly"
Houka let out a breath he was holding a smile creeping onto his face "Phew, I was hoping you'd say that but I didn't think you'd actualy do it"
"You are however taking me someplace fancy very very soon" she came closer and close to him with a stupid grin on now inches away from his face "just because I've been generous enough to forgive you doesn't mean you get off scot free"
"Deal" he anwsered, also grinning widely. He was just glad they were back at their usual routine.
"We could go to watch an opera, or check out if there is a musical broadway coming soon, or ooh ooh the MCR tour..."
"Hold on, you consider an MCR concert fancy?"
"You dare question my refined taste?"
"No, not at all"
"Well who cares what you think. I'm gonna take a shower now. By the way… don't actually eat those, I spiked them with laxatives, so you'd be shitting nonstop for weeks"
"That might actualy the least poisonous thing about these"
"Oi, don't push your luck. You already tested my patience" she raised her voice a bit. Yeah, it was nice to no longer be in cahoots but they went back to the status quo a bit too quickly.
"Fine, fine I'll stop" he chuckled as he watched her leave. They might not always see eye to eye, but if they manage to do it from time to time, it doesn't really matter, right?