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Graves has fucked up.
He has fucked up badly.
Not in the way he usually does, surprisingly. Technically speaking- while it hadn’t gone to plan - the job itself had turned out fine, but this wasn’t about the job, no. This was about Graves and his stupid stupid feelings.
He couldn’t name them if only because that would make it all too real- it’d been 15 years it was probably too late to act like he actually understood what was going on here. He did, however, understand that he’d made a big mistake by not having immediately fled to demacia and changing his name, leaving behind his life of crime to become a lawyer- or something of the like.
Being around T.F right now didn’t just give him butterflies, it left his heart pounding and head swimming (though that could easily be blamed on his concussion). Part of it made sense to him- if he was going to fall in love of course it would be after the third near-death experience that week. The trouble was that he was in love with Tobias, and just thinking about it made his heart sink.
Not that he did much thinking in general but he had to when it came to this- which was enough of a chore already let alone when he had 15 years of feelings to filter through. It also didn’t help that he was concussed and by this point, slightly tipsy.
He doesn’t know why he thought it was a good idea to have T.F get the drinks he owed him now- maybe part of him hoped it would be a good distraction. Except of course it wasn’t because T.F was sat right next to him, laughing and making small talk with the bartender in soft low light which only served to accentuate how pretty-
No.
Not thinking about it.
Except it was hard not to when he had a full view of the other’s sharp features, honey-brown eyes, and-
Fuck, not again.
To prevent his thoughts from drifting, Malcolm decides to do the only reasonable thing: slam his face into the table with a groan. Not only does it block his view of Tobias but it also prevents the other man from seeing the growing blush over Malcolm’s cheeks. Sure, the wood was sticky and unpleasant- but it was effective, that’s what mattered.
“Malcolm?” Tobias’ attention is immediately drawn away from the prior conversation at the sound. “You uh..you good?”
The worry in his voice only serves to make Malcolm’s face feel even hotter, reminding him of earlier in the day when the other had been fretting over him, playing with his hair- Goddamnit. He resists the urge to simply tear his hair out in frustration at the realisation that he couldn’t get this out of his head.
“ ‘m fine’" he grumbles unconvincingly, grateful he couldn’t see the undoubtedly concerned look on the other’s face. “My head hurts.” It’s not entirely a lie, and comes off as convincing enough for T.F to frown.
“You know, we don’t have to finish this round-“ he offers, “I can pay next time, maybe you should head back to our room-“ he’s unwittingly making things harder for Graves, the other man’s heart fluttering at the word ‘our’ before he grunts.
“I said I’m fine. ” It’s still unconvincing, but the frustration in his voice is enough for Tobias to drop the subject. It goes quiet after that, with T.F chewing his lower lip as he tries to think of something else to talk about.
Graves just heaves a sigh, guilt beginning to bubble in his gut. He wasn’t mad at the other man, he was just mad about how he made him feel. And the worst part was that Tobias had no idea of the torment he was putting him through. The way he looked at him with earnest concern in his eyes, joking with him with that stupidly charming smile, and drinking with him right now without even thinking about how it was driving Malcolm more insane by the second- was endlessly infuriating.
It doesn’t get any better as T.F clears his throat awkwardly to alleviate the tension. “There’s a game going on at the other side of the bar.” He states. “I’m gonna go see if I can join- if you catch my drift.” Graves knows full well that that meant he was going to smooth talk his way in and proceed to cheat. Not that it was a problem. The only problem was that most times it ended in a bar fight and Graves was not in the mood to save Tobias.
“I’ll be in our room then.” He announces, downing his drink and slamming the glass on the table notably harder than was necessary. Tobias knew what this was- it was Malcolm’s way of telling him you’re on you own. If desperate times call for desperate measures- he has plenty of cards. The only way Graves could picture himself interfering would be to quiet the commotion.
Sluggishly, Malcolm drags himself away from the bar and to the stairs. He can feel his partner’s eyes on him as he leaves, practically burning into his back. Being alone doesn’t seem to quiet his mind either as he thinks about heading to their room.
Theirs. The word doesn’t carry much weight until Graves starts to really dwell on it. How they shared a room because they were always together, how he couldn’t actually pinpoint the last time he’d felt truly alone. Naturally his thoughts start to drift, pondering why this was happening today, why he hadn’t realised sooner.
Looking back, it had always been there. He’d always felt a certain way about Tobias. When he’d first met him he thought he was fascinating- he wanted to make a good impression. Even after so many years together Graves still found himself needing the other’s approval, caring more about his opinion than anyone else’s.
When he was in the Locker he started to resent him, and no matter how much he let like he’d been betrayed and discarded- it was the hardest thing he’d ever done . He’d pinned all his hope on Tobias, then when he never came, his hope was pinned on getting revenge on the man . It was always about Tobias. Strange how he never considered why that was until now.
Or, not strange- inconvenient maybe. The man can’t help but sigh as he opens the door to the room and immediately stumbles to the bed, throwing himself onto it, face-down and fully clothed with a groan. Too many thoughts and feelings were rushing through his head and it was all down to a stupid concussion and that stupid shark and Tobias’s stupid pretty face-
Now that he was alone he found himself thinking about the events of the day. Graves was well aware that most would consider him dense but he’d always thought otherwise. Now he was reconsidering since it had taken a dumb misunderstanding from an even dumber shark man for him to actually realise how much he needed Tobias.
Bombolini had thought they were together.
Graves never thought about it in that way. Embarrassingly he’d spent the next hour or so after the day’s events thinking about why he hadn’t. Part of it was that it was hard to consider the idea when he already spent every day with the other- it felt like enough. But now, after being forced to dwell on it he found himself wanting more. He wanted to be impossibly closer than they were already, he wanted to stop paying for rooms with seperate beds, he wanted to kiss him, he wanted and wanted-
Hell, it was almost dangerous. To tempt the idea that he could have any of that. He rolls onto his back, staring at the ceiling as the warm flutter of yearning dissipates into something worse. That being the realisation that there was no way In hell Tobias felt the same way.
Graves hadn’t even known about his own feelings until that day but Tobias had always been smarter about this stuff . He was charming for a reason- always knew what he wanted and how to get it and he’d made no moves on Graves. Not any that he was aware of anyway.
Malcolm thinks back to earlier, when T.F had been playing with his hair, the same giddy feeling returning briefly before he shuts it down. Graves had been through hell and back and yet this? This was agony. If Tobias felt the same there was no doubt he would have said something by now if only to make it stop.
Graves thinks maybe he might, just so he can know he tried, just so that Tobias knows that he’s everything to him- but he can’t. He can’t ruin what they have. Not again.
And he would if he said anything because he’s not exactly Tobias’ type, is he? It was evident by looking at him that the man was always going after things that were pretty, always obsessed with elegance. His taste in partners was very similar, Graves didn’t exactly catalogue everyone the other had spent nights with (he lost count after fifteen) but they’d always been slim, dainty, and beautiful in ways Graves never was and could never be.
The brown haired man was painfully aware of the differences between him and his partner, it was evident not only in their personalities but their appearances too. Graves was large and rugged, the years having treated him less than kindly. Tobias on the other hand? He had no right to age so pretty.
He sighs, chastising himself. He wasn’t meant to think about it and yet here he was, unable to steer his mind to anything else. In his frustration he shoves his face into his pillow with a muffled scream, rolling onto his side once he was done. He heaves a deep sigh and brings his knees to his chest. “Oh Sweet Tommy Kench, what’s wrong with me.”
Meanwhile, Twisted Fate won the round he’d joined. No surprise at all- but what did surprise him was how dissatisfied he felt. Usually winning so much money in one night as well as completing a job would leave him overjoyed but something was off tonight, specifically with his partner.
Partner. His mind lingers on the word, and he knows why. They couldn’t just do their usual song and dance of drinking and celebrating after a job when said job had been personal. The idea that he and Graves could be seen as together had definitely crossed Fate’s mind, but now that someone else had said it it felt like it was justified, given teeth and now eating away at his thoughts.
Fate prided himself on being a quick thinker, putting on his little performance had made sense at the time, but now he was left wondering how things would have gone if they were romantically involved. The possibility was brought out into the open and he couldn’t resist entertaining it, imagining what it would be like to share a bed, to run his fingers through Graves’ hair whenever he wanted to and not just to check for injuries-
Well, that’s enough of that.
He’d been trying not to get too deep, telling himself he was unaffected. It was difficult when he’d been wanting it for well over a decade and only now did it seem within arm’s reach. But then he remembers how Graves had reacted, oblivious and insistent that Fate- despite his talents- had failed to charm him.
It only made it increasingly obvious that he just wasn’t Malcolm’s type. He couldn’t remember seeing the man date anyone who wasn’t at least 6’5 and somehow even more muscular than Graves himself, either that or they weren’t even human. T.F looks down at his own slim, lanky body and thinks it could definitely be part of his failure to woo the other.
And after being left alone at the table for a while, Fate finishes his third? Fifth? Drink of the night. He couldn’t tell if it was the alcohol or the general dissatisfaction he felt- but something seemed wrong. Graves had been behaving so coldly before he’d left.
Part of him wonders if it had been his fault. The way he’d hissed that he knew what Bombolini meant by together , and the repetitive insistence that that wasn’t the case was discouraging to say the least. It also didn’t help that Fate had been so snappy with him.
As much as Malcolm had been reckless- it didn’t justify what T.F had said to him. He can’t help but replay the argument. ‘ You think you’re better than this and you think you’re better than me.’ Did he really think Tobias felt that way? Obviously his response had only cemented the idea.
He’d regretted it as soon as he said it but thinking back on it only made him feel worse. Had he really made Graves feel that way? He knew he was most often right when they argued but he also knew he could be unnecessarily cruel. It went both ways but he knew Graves never really meant it- he wasn’t sure he could say the same for the other, or that his not-quite-apologies were really enough anymore.
He felt bad about a lot of things when it came to Graves, hell- he doesn’t think he’ll ever forgive himself for letting him end up in the locker. He doesn’t understand how Graves had either. Was that part of it? Did he really think Fate didn’t care? That he didn’t see him as equal?
His thoughts begin to run wild, mulling over every time he’d insulted or taken a jab at the other man- constantly asking himself why he couldn’t just be honest. It wasn’t in his nature that was for sure but he cared about Graves so much, well, he loved him, and yet the other seemingly had no idea .
How could he ever return the feelings when T.F had hurt him so much? Part of him knew it wasn’t all his fault, that they both made a lot of mistakes- and even Graves was aware of his own recklessness. The man had tried to kill him once and Fate couldn’t help but think he understood why. Ten years in the Locker with so many scars to show for it- he thinks he’d have done the same.
Twisted Fate sighs to himself, running his hands down his face as he realises the spiral of guilt was practically never ending. He couldn’t just act like nothing was wrong- Malcolm was clearly upset about something .
The black haired man wonders if it was anything to do with the job, maybe it was still about what he said, or maybe he really was concussed and letting him go to the room and potentially to sleep wasn’t the greatest idea-
Finally getting sick of getting lost in his own head he decides to check on Graves- it hadn’t been too long since the man had left, so T.F hoped he’d still be awake. He stood up abruptly, head swimming as the alcohol caught up to him. Oh well- hopefully it would make the ensuing conversation easier.
He stumbles up the stairs to their shared room and doesn’t bother to knock, wanting nothing more than to resolve whatever it was that was going on. A moping Graves was a rare sight and never one T.F enjoyed, so when the door swings open to reveal the man curled up on his side, something in Fate’s mind tells him he needs to fix it.
The man isn’t asleep- as was evident by the (generally anxiety fuelled) bouncing of his leg, seeming to make his whole frame shake. He didn’t acknowledge T.F’s entry, prompting the black haired man to clear his throat before mumbling “Hey.”
He gets a grunt in response which doesn’t settle his worries in the slightest. He can’t help but heave another sigh, “Are you gonna tell me what’s bothering you or are you just gonna keep brooding?”
“‘M not brooding. ” Graves grits out, shuffling to sit upright if only to glare at Tobias over his shoulder. He was somewhat taken aback but not entirely deterred by the man’s behaviour. “And I already told you, my head hurts”
“For luck’s sake Malcolm, we both know that’s not true-“ Tobias finally snaps, before backtracking. “Well- I mean it’s probably true, but it’s not what’s eating ya”
The other man only seems to grow more irritated. “It’s none of your business T.F.” Only it was- it was all about him, and Graves couldn’t understand why it was so hard to push his feelings out of his mind. He’d managed this long and yet tonight he just couldn’t take it anymore.
“I think you’ll find it very much is my business.” Tobias retorts, folding his arms. Graves calling him anything other than Tobias was already a bad sign, leaving him worried that maybe things were worse than he thought. “I’m your partner Mal, you can talk to me.” He tries for a gentler approach, not wanting to upset the other further.
He didn’t know why Graves was so snappy but he just knew it was something to do with him, he just wanted to fix it- he hoped he could. Things had seemed fine earlier and he didn’t understand what had changed.
“Will you just drop it?!” He says almost desperately, and Tobias knows he’s not angry- that this is something else, that he doesn’t want his partner to see. It’s worrying and all it does is tell the man he can’t back down.
“‘No, Malcolm, I won’t.” He says with conviction, surprising the other. He approaches tentatively, placing a hand on the shorter man’s shoulder. He jolts at the touch but doesn’t pull away, despite the scowl on his face. “I care about you, and whatever’s wrong, I want to help.”
“You can’t help when you’re the goddamn problem!”
And the moment Graves shouts those words it feels like everything stops. Tobias feels his heart sink, blood rushing in his ears as his eyes widen, meeting his partners’. The other man, surprisingly, looks horrified, but it doesn’t register in T.F’s mind.
He should have seen this coming. He should have known that Graves would leave him. He didn’t seem to regret it when he’d done so during the ruination, was that a sign that this would happen? Tobias couldn’t blame him could he? He’d left Graves first- he just didn’t understand.
The other had said he’d keep Fate around- that they were partners. What changed? What did he do wrong? T.F doesn’t even realise as his eyes begin to water, tears quickly rolling down his cheeks. He feels frozen, holding his breath as his hands begin to feel numb.
Meanwhile, Graves thinks that none of his prior fuckups could compare to this. Tobias always seemed so confident, almost unshakeable beyond rare moments of vulnerability that Graves had been more than glad to help him through. Now his partner was more hurt than he’d ever seen him before and it was all his fault.
He knew he was going to ruin everything one way or another but not like this. He couldn’t let Tobias blame himself again.
Hastily, he tries to break out of his own stunned silence, but he can’t find the words, too panicked and desperate because he doesn’t know how to fix this, how to stop being so careless.
“No-“ he mutters uselessly. “No I didn’t mean-“ he reaches for the other man only for him to flinch away, and the only sound Graves can hear is T.F’s heaving breaths and the violent pounding of his own heart. It only feels worse when Tobias replies, uncharacteristically quiet.
“What did I do?” His gaze is averted, hands shaking by his sides. He needs to know- he needs to know why this is happening. Why now? Why when Tobias has finally realised what he wants?
“Tobias, you didn’t do anyth-“ Graves begins only to be cut off by a sudden yell.
“why are you leaving me if I didn’t do anything?!” He looks angrier than he had mere seconds ago but there’s a distinct pain and fear in his eyes, their usual soft brown now beginning to spark blue as he grows overwhelmed with emotion.
Graves flinches, the other man’s raised voice prompting him to do the same. “For God’s sake Tobias I’m not leaving you! I don’t want to leave you because I love you! “ Now Graves’ own eyes are watery, glancing at anything but Tobias, unable to see the shock on the other man’s face.
He doesn’t believe what he’s hearing, he can’t believe it- absolutely stunned into silence as Graves frantically rambles on.
“I love you. And I think I have for a long time.” He heaves a deep breath as if it were punched out of him, running his hands through his hair, growing more and more stressed with T.F’s lack of response. “And I know we agreed we’re just partners in crime but I can’t pretend I don’t want more than that.”
He can’t look at T.F, bracing himself for rejection. So naturally, he’s caught off guard, flinching when the other man leans in. Even more surprising to him is when Fate’s lips meet his own.
It takes a moment for him to process that they’re kissing- that Tobias is kissing him. In a brief moment of shock he almost pushes the other away, and yet instead, he finds his hands pulling the other closer.
When they finally part to breathe- Graves can’t help but stare, wide eyed at his partner. He’s met with the other’s hand cradling his cheek as he chuckles wetly.
“You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that.” Graves feels his face flush at the sight of T.F’s smile- even with tear tracks down his face, he managed to look beautiful. He can’t help but stare almost dumbly before mumbling.
“So uh- do you-“ do you love me did you mean it do I mean as much to you as you do to me- The words are on the tip of his tongue but he simply can’t say it, the whole situation feeling too good to be true. Tobias seems to catch on anyways, gently tucking a stray hair behind Malcolm’s ear, whispering.
“I love you Malcolm, I just wish I’d said it sooner, I wasted so much time trying to ignore it.” He looks away for a moment, eyes downcast and suddenly more solemn. “We could have been together all this time-“
“We were.” Graves cuts off the other before he has any chance to start spiraling. “Maybe not together- together,” he corrects, shrugging. “But I would hardly consider any time spent with you a waste.”
“Well- who knew the tough, fearsome Malcolm Graves could be such a sweet talker.” T.F laughs, eyes glistening with notably happier tears. Graves can’t help but laugh softly in response.
“I’m not.” He takes on a mockingly dramatict tone. “But desperate times call for desperate measures.”
“No need for that.” Tobias can’t help but smile at the other’s antics, the contrast of their previous argument to their usual banter being immensely comforting in its familiarity. “I’m already yours.”