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Richie Tozier was many things.
Richie was bold, intense, charismatic (when he needed to be), a dick, to name a few.
He was many things all put together to form the lanky sixteen year old with too-thick glasses that made his eyes look way bigger than they were.
But, right now, Richie is scared.
He didn’t think it would really be possible. After facing a literal killer clown, Richie had been able to face many things in his life. He faced death as young as thirteen, what could he possibly be afraid of now?
“Ok, um, work with me here, guys,” Richie says awkwardly, fidgeting with his hands. The Losers stared back, expectantly, and patiently. Fuck. This was hard. “Can someone say something so I don’t feel so fucking awkward?” He huffs.
“W-well, what is it?” Bill asks. He sits next to Beverly, and beside her is Ben whose crouched over and staring way too fucking intently at Richie. In any other circumstance, Richie would inwardly appreciate the genuine interest they had in him. But now it just felt all too real and it was frankly overwhelming.
“Yeah, thanks, Bill.” Richie doesn’t hide the sarcasm.
“Anytime, Kiddo,” He jokes, but Richie doesn’t laugh. No one does. “Ok, you g-guys are killing me here, w-w-w..what’s going on, Rich?”
Richie was stalling. He was stalling, and he knew that, and he promptly ignored it. He wiped his clammy hands on his jeans and readjusted his button up. “You know, now that I think about it, it’s really nothing! Was just going to say I fucked Eddie Spaghetti’s mom a little too hard, and now she’s in a com–”
“Shut the fuck up, asshole!” Eddie interrupts. He gets up from the hammock, and walks over to Richie. “God, you’re such a dick, you know that?”
“But you love this dick, Eds!” Eddie huffs loudly and shoves Richie’s shoulder lightly.
“Whatever, I don’t care. Now hurry the fuck up and say what you have to say, I don’t have all day,” Richie’s smile faltered. And if Eddie noticed the way he paled and tensed up, he didn’t say anything about it. He just lays a hand on the taller boy's shoulder, embarrassingly enough that made Richie’s heart just about stop, and says, “You know we’ll never judge you, right?”
“Why, of course! Y’all are my trusty pardners!” Richie says with his worst cowboy voice he could muster. Eddie rolls his eyes, but doesn’t fight back the smile on his face. He sits back on the hammock. It falls silent again.
One of the things Richie wasn’t was stupid. He knew the Losers would never judge him. He knew his too-long-to-be-normal stares at certain guys — Eddie — that caught his eye didn’t go unnoticed. He knew they noticed his hesitance, downright refusal, to sing a certain line from that one Bernadette Carroll song. It was a stupid thing to get caught up on, he knew that, and he felt silly about it, but he had been programmed to find that particular word gross, and they never pressured him into it. It was obvious. He could do this.
“Um, oh god–” He choked up. His throat threatened to close, his heart was going to beat out of his fucking chest, his nails dug deep into his skin. He could do this.
“I’m gay.”
He didn’t realize he had closed his eyes until he opened them, waiting to see the reactions of his friends. Silence had never sounded so loud before.
“Okay,” Mike said. Richie turned to look at him. “That’s good. Thank you for telling us.”
And, okay, fuck you, but Richie broke down. He sobbed, and clumsily tried to wipe away his tears with his wrists. “Yeah? It’s okay?” His voice did not crack.
“Oh, Richie, of course it’s okay,” Beverly replied. She got up and immediately enveloped Richie into a hug. He never held onto someone tighter. “Why wouldn’t it be?” She said it so simply, so casually, how could you even think something so normal would ever be an issue? And the boy was fucking gone. He fucking loved his friends so much.
The rest of the Losers followed suit, and soon enough they were all in a hugging circle with Richie in the center.
“We love you, Rich. No matter what.” Eddie says shyly, but he says it firmly, and it’s clear he means it from the bottom of his heart.
“...Yeah,” Richie smiles sweetly. “I love you guys too.” And maybe he loved them all differently, his feelings for Eddie going farther than that of a friend, but he would get to that another time.
For now, he was enjoying the loving embrace of his friends, and the freeing feeling of coming out.
Richie was many things.
He was gay, for one, and proud.
He would always have a place as a Loser, and that took away any fear he may have once had.