Chapter Text
The Demon Prodigy has no fears. Everyone who has seen his face and survived can attest to this. His expression never falters except for the occasional sadistic smile and monstrous laughter. Most people who’ve seen that face and heard that laugh no longer walk this earth. He’s a horse from the depths of hell, an omen of incoming death and destruction, a ghost if you would. No one would ever believe that this boy was only a teenager. If Elise was Mori’s eyes and ears then Dazai was his shadow. However, there was one person that knew the truth. He was the only person allowed to see him cry and talk about everything that scared him...
It was a rather slow afternoon at the Armed Detective Agency. To pass time in the office, the employees were taking turns trying to guess each others’ fears. It all started when Tanizaki hopped onto Kunikida’s desk after he saw a spider on the floor. Kenji promptly picked it up and let it walk out of the window while Dazai and Yosano cackled. Kunikida proposed the game as ‘team building’ a few hours later after hearing Dazai complain about his boredom.
“Oh come on Dazai you have to be scared of something! Everyone is.” Atsushi stared at his mentor leaning on the couch across from him. His hands were behind his head and his eyes were closed. He only shrugged and smiled.
“Not a single one Atsushi! A suicidal maniac isn’t scared of anything. How can you successfully commit suicide if you have any physical fears?”
“Dazai, none of your attempts have been successful.”
“I’m just waiting for the right moment. You have to make a dramatic exit!”
“Alright I’m tired of hearing your excuses, Ranpo can you settle this?” Kunikida looked toward Ranpo’s desk cluttered with crumbs and candy wrappers. The detective was busy spinning in his chair, lollipop in his mouth. He slammed his hands hard on the desk to stop himself. Wrappers fell off the desk as Ranpo took the lollipop out of his mouth and stared at Kunkida.
“So first I’m not allowed to play and now you want my help? Well, you’re not getting it! You can’t get the world’s greatest detective to spill secrets that easily!” Ranpo only smiled and crossed his legs.
“Didn’t you gossip about a client’s family drama with Yosano last week?” Atsushi turned to Ranpo and tilted his head.
“I mean I might have but there’s a difference here!” He turns back and looks at Kunikida, eyes open. “Unlike you Kunikida, I don't really see how talking about what stupid things make us flail like a fish is considered ‘team bonding.’ Did you talk about your fear of the dentist to your coworkers when you were still a teacher? Cause if…”
“I did not!” Kunikida pushed up his glasses, “We are in a line of work that threatens our lives. We must be prepared for anything should an enemy try to use our fears against us. Best for all of us to know so we can prevent that.”
“Even the stupid ones? Because those are the only ones you’ve discussed so far.” Ranpo crossed his legs and crunched on what was left of his lollipop.
“HEY BEING SCARED OF THE DENTIST ISN'T STUPID IT ACTUALLY COM-”
“It is stupid and my answer is still no!” Ranpo pointed at Kunikida, “Ask me again in three to five business days and maybe I’ll consider. Really depends on how annoying your voice gets.” Ranpo looked a him with a teasing smile with and spun back in his chair around to where he faced the wall, bag of unopened candy in his hands.
Before Kunikida could get any louder, the office’s front door opened slightly as Kyouka walked in holding several binders. She looked at a frustrated Kunikida and only shoved them into his hands. She turned to face Atsushi to ask in a soft voice, “What’s going on?”
“Kunikida’s ruining our game again. He actually came up with it this time and he’s breaking his own rules.” Yosano couldn’t help but laugh.
“Hey I didn’t break any rules!” Kunikida set the binders next to his laptop.
“You broke your own ‘No Asking Ranpo Rule’” Yosano crossed her arms.
“He refused to help anyway, Yosano, so it doesn’t count.”
Kyouka sat next to Atsushi on one of the couches. “What game?”
Atsushi smiled, “Oh, we’re playing a game where we have to guess what everyone is afraid of. None of us have been able to figure out what Dazai’s scared of and Kunikida’s taking it a little too seriously.”
Kyouka looked at Dazai, still with a smile and his eyes closed. She muttered to Atsushi, “Don’t try figuring it out. You’ll waste your time. Dazai isn’t scared of anything. He-”
Dazai sprang off the couch and put his hand in his pockets. He cheerfully said “Well, if no one’s got an answer I might as well go home! Goodnight everybody! Have fun guessing Kunikida~”
“It’s only four you slimy waste of bandages that doesn’t mean you can just-”
Before he could finish Dazai shut the door, humming his little suicide song.
Kunikida just groaned, “Thank you for bringing those documents, Kyouka. Let’s all get back to work, we only have one hour left.”
Before going back to his laptop Atsushi tugged Kyouka’s wrist, “Hey what do you mean Dazai isn’t scared of anything?”
“Simple, he has no fears. Our former boss made sure of it.”
“Wait, so you were in the mafia when Dazai was still an executive?”
“No. He had been long gone by the time Kouyou took me in. I only know from the stories the older girls would use to scare new members. Most of those weren't true, but they always mentioned how expressionless he was. If you ask them if anything made him falter or scared they’d say the same thing. ‘The Demon Prodigy has no fears.’”
“So Dazai really isn’t scared of anything?”
“I can’t confirm or deny it but I’d say you’re wasting your time. Can we get tofu tonight?”
Atsushi tried and failed horribly at keeping a poker face when Kyouka asked. She does this everytime, and Atsushi still falls for it. “If we can afford it, yes, I’ll take you.”
The Demon Prodigy has no fears, but Dazai Osamu may have a few. He has one fear Ronpo would call “stupid” and that’s his hatred of dogs. But no one needs to know that. No one needs to know his other fears either. Not his enemies, not his colleagues, and certainly not his partner. Try as he might, Kunikida will never have his answer. He doesn’t know the real answer to most of the questions he’s asked Dazai for the past two years. He knows Oda wouldn’t want him to lie. Lying only makes it harder to walk in the light, but he doesn’t care. If the agency is happy, they won’t get rid of him. If they let him stay, he won’t be letting Oda down. If he lets Oda down…well he doesn’t actually know what will happen. Ah, another thing that scares him, but that’s more on the pathological side. Those are easy to hide, but his body betrays trying to hide physical ones.
Four days later Dazai receives a call at exactly 3:17. At this point no one in the agency batted an eye if he was on the phone with Chuuya. Though his phone showed it was from ‘slug,’ he didn’t hear Chuuya’s voice when he answered it.
“Oh! does Chuuya want to ease my boredom while I’m at wor-”
“Cut the crap, Dazai.” It was Akutagawa’s voice.
“Ohh, Akutagawa did you take Chuuya’s ph-”
“I don’t have time for this right now! Chuuya got shot. Hit his lower abdomen from behind, but the traitor failed to hit any vital organs. It was one of Chuuya’s newer subordinates, and you can clearly tell the fool had no experience. Rest assured Chuuya has already disposed of him personally. However, I need you at the Mori Corporation’s hospital, now.”
Dazai’s face dropped and he put a hand over his mouth. He had to keep a straight face. None of his coworkers could know. Of course the only thing he has to do is laugh. “Wow I see someone’s learned how to be demanding! You know they won’t let me in, right?”
“You know as well as I do you can easily walk in there and leave without a scratch on you. I wouldn’t even be surprised if they still treated you like an executive.” Akutagawa scoffed, growing more irritated by the second.
“Well it’s clear that he’ll be fine, so why am I needed there anyway?” Dazai couldn’t stop his leg from bouncing or hide the obvious crack in his voice.
“I believe you know exactly why.” Akutagawa’s voice went flat.
At that moment Dazai only raised his voice, “No I don’t Akutagawa! Would you care to enlighten me?”
“Every time one of you has ended up in the hospital the other one visits before they wake up.”
Not every time. I wasn’t there the first time.
“The weretiger has been getting on my ass about trying to do something nice at least once. This is the first time Chuuya’s been to the hospital in four years, and I’m sure he wouldn't be the calmest person if you weren’t there when he wakes up.”
He’s actually never been there in four years. Why now?
“...Fine, but on one condition. I don’t want to interact with anyone that isn’t you or him. No doctors or nurses are to come in while I’m in the room.”
“That can be arranged.”
“Then I’ll be there. If the slug gets angry when he wakes up, the damage is on you.”
Dazai hung up and looked at his shocked and confused colleagues. They were bombarding Dazai with questions, but all he could hear was static. The only words he managed to get out before running out were a simple “I’m leaving.” With Dazai gone, everyone turned to Ranpo who was the only one who stayed silent. Before Kunikida could utter a single question, Ranpo opened his eyes and gave him the same expression four days ago. “The answer is still no, Kunikida. Just because I said I would consider answering your question a few days later doesn’t mean I will!”
"Ranpo," Kunikida took a deep breath and tried not to shout, "if you gave us a bare minimum explanation I'm sure w-"
Ranpo stood and slammed his hands on his desk. “It’s none of our business, so let him go! Have you ever thought for one second about letting us handle our personal lives by ourselves!? We all agree the Detective Agency is like a family, but families know when to stop. Everyone doesn't need to be in on everybody's business. So can you just listen to me for once when I say no, Kunikida? "
Small tears clouded up Ranpo's vision, "You don’t need to know everything, it doesn’t matter if he’s your partner. It's clear you're trying to compensate for the times you did leave him alone, but you need to understand that you are too late to do that."
Ranpo turned to look at everyone else, "Should any of you follow him, I will tell the president.”
Kunikida went completely silent, mouth slightly opened. He tried to find some sort of rebuttal He just sat back down into his chair and stared at his laptop. Yosano took Ranpo’s hand and guided him to her office. At this point everyone needed a quiet place. They all waited for the work day to end, and time had never felt so slow.
Dazai Osamu has several fears, and he knows he’s not prepared to face this one. Even after four years of using carefully designed routes around the city to avoid it as much as possible, fate had other plans. Chuuya had other plans to drag him back there.