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Tim panics as he watches the hair shed into the sink with a simple flick of the comb. It can’t be that bad… right? He tilts his head forward, why can he see his scalp at the back of his head. He tries to push his hair over that balding spot.
Jack Drake doesn’t necessarily have the most luscious head of hair, and Janet’s is frail and brittle. It isn’t a surprise that baldness has struck Tim. He runs his fingers through, and yet more hair falls out. Maybe it’s his hair products, or maybe it’s exposure to all of those Gotham toxins and poisons.
Maybe it was the condom head costume rubbing against his hair. He shakes his hair, and even more falls out, like pine needles from a Christmas tree. Soon enough half of his hair will be in the sink bowl. He has to stop.
Maybe he should gel it all down, resin it, preserve it. He takes the gel and slaps his hair into a sculpted position where it looks full and voluptuous.
Tim hunches over his computer that night furiously typing in searches for any answers to this current predicament he is in. His hair still feels like a plastic piece on his head, because he can’t get the gel out.
How much longer does he have? Years? Days? Who knows when a tragedy like this strikes the demise is only inevitable.
He searches become more and more desperate.
How to remove hair gel
How to reverse balding
Balding hair products
Hairstyles for balding men
His arrow hovers over the link: https://visualimpactfitness.com/best-option-going-bald/. He clicks on it.
“Here is the deal… losing your hair sucks! It is MUCH better to have a full head of hair if you are a guy.”
The further he goes down the page the more it sinks in. Tim chews at his lips, his options are clear.
His next search is the most desperate of them all.
How to shave your own head
He doesn’t care what the consequences are, or what the others will say. Bruce will probably make Robin get a fucking toupee or something. Maybe that is what Tim should do, he should get a hairpiece.
No this is easier, this is what he is supposed to do. Hairpieces never look good.
Besides it’s too late, he is taking the razor to his head. No guards, he is going no hair. He will use a Manscaper on his head if he has to. There will be not an inch of hair on his head. It is time to say goodbye to his hair.
He holds the razor, perched and ready to mow down his falling locks. He looks in the mirror, and takes a breath.
Come on, come on. You will feel more confident! No one likes the George Constanza look!
Steadying himself, he flicks the razor on, and he brings the humming machine down to his scalp, it’s difficult not being able to see the back of his head, but surely it will go well. The blade touches down, mowing through a strip of his hair.
He stops, and looks in the mirror with horror. It’s bad, it’s so bad. He looks with a stone in his stomach at the forest of locks in the sink bowl. He can’t repair this, all of it has to go. He is never watching a hair cutting YouTube tutorial again.
Jason stops when he hears a muffled sob, he should run the other way, keep walking, don’t do it. He does it, stupid brotherly instinct or whatever Dick calls it. He lightly taps on the door of Tim’s bathroom.
“DON’T COME IN.”
Jason sighs, “Tim are you hurt?”
“No?” Moron.
“What are you hiding?”
“NOTHING!” Jason narrows his eyes as if to glare lasers through the door. Yeah something is going on and there needs to be an adult in that room.
“I’m coming in.” Jason did not expect to see Tim half bald with all of his hair around him on the floor. It’s all patchy and uneven. Jason’s jaw is on the floor. So is this Tim finally having a mental breakdown and shaving off all of his hair?
The silence is broken by the burst of sobs from Tim, “I’M GOING BALD!”
“Is this why your fade keeps getting higher and higher.” There is no response, just blubbering, “You are so dramatic, you are not going bald- yet. but if you really think this your only option at least hand me the razor.”
A sniffling Tim hands his brother, his captor, his torturer the razor. Stupid full head of hair Jason, just for once Tim wants to be related. Jason carefully lays his hand on top of Tim’s head, and gently rotates it. The ministrations are peaceful.
Jason rubs his fingers against the oddly smooth head, like a good luck egg, “Alright you big doof, it’s all shaved off. Let’s hope it all grows back.
“Tim what have you done?!”
Dick stops himself, “Sorry I’m contractually not allowed to say anything, because apparently ‘mullets aren’t a glorious fashion statement’.” Dick shoots daggers over at Bruce, Alfred, and Jason. He grumbles under his breath, “Clearly some people are just jealous they can’t pull it off.”
“I’m going bald, I’m just trying to embrace it and get used to it.” Keep a strong face, come on don’t cry.
Bruce quietly mourns the fluffy head of hair Tim had, nothing to skim his fingers through.
The mustache, well, it’s the natural response to not having any hair on his head. He never thought he could grow facial hair, but with patience and meticulous grooming. He has a gorgeous, voluptuous, sculpted mustache.
“Tim, shave it.”
Tim feigns shock, “Shave what?! My entire head has been shaved.”
“It is too recognizable.”
Tim pets his stache as if in consideration, “I guess I do have quite a remarkable face, but shaving my entire face off feels more like a Two-Face thing to do.”
Tim’s taunting him. Bruce twitches as Tim leaves, he will shave it off in the middle of the night if he has to, just as he almost did with Dick. It is his parental duty to look out for them, and this is for his sake.
Tim is enjoying his mustache and bald head too much.
Tim pumps the moisturizer sunscreen duo into his hands, and slathers it all over his head. It’s a soothing practice. Jason grimaces.
“Hey sunscreen is important. You should wear some!”
“I already died, no thanks.”
“It makes me look like I’m not perpetually, plus I have a good head shape.”
“No you don’t.” Jason watches a couple seconds more in aghast horror at Tim slathering his head, then mutters, “Well, I bet the condom goes on easier.”