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THE VERY SUSPICIOUS CASE OF TIMOTHY JACKSON DRAKE-WAYNE, A YEAR-AND-A-HALF LONG OBSERVATION BY HIS VERY LOVING BUT ALSO SLIGHTLY ANNOYED BOYFRIEND, THE WONDERFUL AND VERY INTELLIGENT BERNARD DOWD.
Suspicious Things about Tim Drake
- Carries loads of cash from potentially dodgy sources
- Is always injured. Not little injuries either but like LITERAL FUCKNG STAB WOUND AND BULLET WOUNDS WHAT THE FUCK TIM??????
- WON’T GO TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL DESPITE HAVING THE BEST POSSIBLE HEALTHCARE PACKAGES TO EVER EXIST?????????????
- WHAT THE FUCK??????
- DOES THIS MAN WANT TO DIE?????
- HE’S GIVING ME GRAY HAIRS AND DRIVING ME TO AN EARLY GRAVE
- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAGDIYDBHIWOJANJKAAHIDUAHBDAHGVFAUIK
- Honestly just basically super dodge behaviour
- Also??? Jokes about not having a spleen???????? (Note to self: somehow check if that’s true because if it is and he’s not only refusing to go to the hospital when repeatedly shot and stabbed but in combination with potentially having no spleen?????? My boyfriend clearly wants to die).
- Is always sneaking off with terrible excuses
- Knows a lot about crime – that’s probably just his hyperfixation though
- Knows a lot about how to murder someone and get away with it – hopefully also just his crime hyperfixation………… hopefully……………
- Knows a lot about gangs – how they operate, where they operate, etc
- Not at all bothered by violence even if it’s against kids but definitely wouldn’t hurt a kid himself
- Somehow knows shit he shouldn’t know
- Somehow has access to things he definitely shouldn’t have access to – that might just be him being rich though
- Very good fighter (?) – Kidnapping Incident
- Super terrifying (kind of hot) when rescuing people from being kidnapped (Note to self: never forget what Tim in a bloody suit looks like. Immortalise that image in your mind Bernard. Never forget. Amen.)
- That one time he managed to bust through my sealed bathroom window that was NAILED SHUT and then PAINTED OVER like some terrible heist robber
- He likes to use windows to enter rooms instead of doors
- And he likes to scale fire escapes?
- Also that one time he threatened to stab me with a fork if I ate his dinosaur nuggets while he was gone and then ate my ice cream in retaliation when I did eat them cos they were the ONLY food he had in his apartment because he's literally a man-sized child - that's some true villain behaviour right there
Some of Tim’s Most Mysterious Disappearances
- This was a dumb subtitle because there’s way too many to list
- Guess I’ll try anyway
- Clearly I like to give myself impossible tasks
- City hall explosion
- Warehouse explosion
- Good job Bernard, you’re doing amazing
- Warehouse gang shoot out
- Gotham assassinations (Court of Owls conspiracy theories??)
- Mayor hostage
- Many many more I really don’t have time for this
- OH GOD TIM IS COMING I HEAR HIM AT THE DOOR OF MY APARTMENT QUICK HIDE THIS DOCUMENT
- False alarm
- It was just my pizza arriving
THEORIES + REASONING WHY
Theory One: Tim is a gang leader
Evidence:
- Rich
- Always knows things he shouldn’t
- Knows a lot about how to commit crimes and how criminals think
- Disappearing ALL THE TIME in super shady ways
- Also I’m pretty sure I once saw him get onto a motorcycle with some shady looking dude with dark shades and he literally had SO MANY guns?? It was a little ridiculous how many there were. One of them was pink and bedazzled. So like?? How is this NOT all pointing to Tim being the leader of a gang.
- The Mysterious “JT” text
- Tim is old money — gang upbringing? Mafia?
Theory Two: Tim is in another cult
Evidence:
- Always injured, potentially another Cult of Dionysus situation?
- Odd disappearances = cult meetings?
Theory Three: There is no secret. Tim is just weird and has been telling the truth the whole time.
Evidence:
- N/A
- This is a dumb theory Bernard smh
Theory Four: Tim is part of the Court of Owls?
Evidence:
- That one time there were all those assassinations across Gotham that everyone just pretended didn’t happen for some reason? When Tim left in the middle of the shutdown and I got super pissed at him – maybe he was needed to do some assassinations?
- He’s old money x2 because he’s Drake AND Wayne and that one person on Reddit like six years ago said that they thought the Court of Owls are the old money Gotham families and then never posted ever again.
- Also it would just like… kind of be cool if he was
Theory Five: Tim is Batman/Superman/ A government clone
Evidence:
- Don’t question me Future Bernard. You know I’m right. Deep down in your soul. No I'm not sleep deprived. Shut up.
Conclusion:
- The most likely solution/reason behind the strange behaviour is that Tim is a gang boss
- The coolest solution is that he's secretly a government clone or robot or something
Course of action:
- Create the best PowerPoint Tim has EVER seen in his whole life and CONFRONT HIM.
- Maybe buy a cake that says "Congratulations on being a bad liar!!!" on it? Just because it would be funny... hmmmmmmm...