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They’re walking up a smooth and solid hill. It stands against a background of tall, coney trees, which look as if they’ve been standing since always; strong, protective walls that guard the oasis within and without. Sunny’s black and white sneakers shuffle beneath him, picking up the green spit of grass and earthly crumbs from dirt that hasn’t dried from yesterday’s rain. In front of him, Kel leads the way to the “new secret spot” he’s found for the both of them, marching along as the ponytail tuft behind his head bobs up and down. Above them, the sky is alive with all the colors of the night and its stars. It’s bright, which isn’t how he imagined the evening to look.
Kel huffs ahead.
“Come on, Sunny! We’re almost there!” The boy cheers.
In Kels’ arms he holds a golden wicker basket; a picnic case decorated with splinters and markings from a history of family gatherings. The Mendoza household spends many summers at Faraway Park laying out plaid blue spreads for the family; he can see the blanket peeking out from under the hamper. Sunny is always invited. As are Aubrey and Basil, and Miss Polly too, and just about anyone and everyone who will join the group for a nice lunch outside.
Under the moon, Kel shines. Sunny got a text earlier this morning from him asking to hang out later in the evening, mentioning a surprise. He said not to eat anything beforehand and to wear something comfy and warm. And Kel wasn’t kidding. Kel himself looks warm in his big, wooly sweater colored a sunny orange. The folds of his sleeves spill over his wrists, past his hands, and droop from side to side as he walks ahead of him. It looks soft. Sunny feels a slight urge to reach out and touch the fabric.
They arrive at the top of the hill Kel’s picked for the picnic. He loudly announces it by dropping the picnic basket with a thud before immediately cringing. Sunny, too, flinches at the noise.
“Heh heh, sorry … sometimes I don’t know my own strength I guess,” He says, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. He lightly opens the basket, spooning out the blue spread with his arms and stretching it out. He flaps it out a few times, getting rid of the creases and folds, before laying it neatly on the ground. “There! Now we’ve got a picnic!”
Sunny stares at him blankly. Kel returns his expression with a big smile.
“Don’t worry, Sunny! You didn’t think I forgot the best part, did ya?” He reaches into the picnic basket to pull out two bottles of orange soda, then a few ziploc bags of various fruits and snacks, before finally grabbing their main course meal: BLTs.
As soon as he’s done laying out all of the food he’s brought, Kel pats the spot next to him, kicking off his shoes into the grass nearby. They land upside down and far away from each other. Sunny shivers a bit from the cold as he goes over to sit. He gently takes off his shoes before neatly placing them next to the blanket.
Kel pats the spot next to him repeatedly until Sunny takes a seat. The shorter boy looks to the other waiting to receive food. Sunny is a little hungry, since Kel told him not to eat beforehand, after all.
“Awesome! Now we’ve got a picnic, yeah?” Kel nudges Sunny’s shoulder with his own. Sunny’s never seen Kel glow so much before over a picnic. He must be excited to share what food he made. The Mendoza family has a lot of good cooks, so he wouldn’t be surprised if Kel’s picked up after Hero and his parents.
Sunny watches as Kel grabs the two sodas (which are, surprisingly, not bottles of Orange Joe) and squeezes their lids off with a satisfying hiss. The fresh scent of sweet carbonation reaches Sunny’s nose—mostly because Kel shoves the bottle into the younger’s unsuspecting face with a grin and a giggle. “What? You gotta smell the Jarritos! Breathe it in before you drink and all that.”
Sunny blinks a few times, which Kel can’t tell if it’s out of disapproval or amusement, but the black-haired boy nods gratefully as he takes the beverage from the other’s hand regardless.
For a moment, they sip. It’s just the two of them alone on this picnic spread. Under the moonlight, where strings of stray clouds drag across the sky. Where levels of grasses make little woosh-ing noises as the wind carries.
The air plays with Kel’s hair, moving locks of brown over and to the side with each new gust; the only part spared by the rushing wind is the brush of hair held together by a pair of little orange clips. His ponytail is tied by a similarly orange scrunchie. But everything else is being blown about like the balloon men in front of car dealerships. Still, Kel doesn’t seem too bothered.
They both let out a satisfied breath when they put their bottles down.
“So!” Kel says as he claps his hands together. “What’s new with you, Sunny? Did you hear about what happened yesterday at school? Kim got into some big fight with another kid in front of the cafeteria! I mean, I guess I’m not surprised Kim of all people got into a fight, but like, still, y’know? Fighting in school is always gonna be a lose-lose situation … the teachers won’t ever let that stuff slide! I think it was over something that other kid said to Kim’s brother, Vance. You remember Vance, right? The big guy who’s always eating candy with Kim? That other kid called him old or something else mean, and then Kim just started spitting back at the other kid calling him names. And—you already know Aubrey was there to back up her girlfriend—so it ended really badly … for the other kid, of course. You don’t ever wanna mess with Kim, unless you wanna meet the end of Aubrey’s bat, that is. Heh. I’d know.”
Sunny nods, blankly staring at his friend once more. Kel flashes another smile to show his appreciation for the agreement.
“Yup! Wasn’t too long ago when you and I were teaming up, fighting random kids who wanted to beat us up, all in the name of friendship—right?” Kel eggs on with stars in his eyes, chomping down on another piece of his sandwich.
That’s one way to put it. But yes. Kel wasn’t wrong. Sunny nods again.
“Man, you and I always make the best pair! I think we’re an even better team than Kim and Aubrey! Or Sean and Karen! Or hmm … maybe even better than Basil and his flowers!” The boy continues.
Sunny tilts his head, raising an eyebrow at Kel’s antics. The other boy widens his eyes at Sunny’s seemingly critical look. Is Kel remembering things correctly?
“Ah! Well, okay, I mean I know we lost almost every fight back then but … it’s the energy that counts most! The vibes, dude. We have the best vibes as a duo. The best!” Kel says with a wink and a click of his tongue.
Sunny guesses so. If Kel thought so, why not? But … why was Kel talking to him about this?
He puts his orange soda down before looking at Kel. The other puts down his sandwich matching his movement. He’s still smiling, but falters just a bit.
“Oh, uh, sorry. Was I talking too much?” Kel asks, a little down all of the sudden. His mood changes pretty fast. Though, Sunny’s noticed his friend has been acting a little antsy tonight. Over excited, even by Kel standards. Like the nerves he sometimes gets before a big game. Sunny knows Kel doesn’t think he notices how nervous his friend can get before an important match, but he does. He always notices Kel. Why would Kel think that Sunny would mind him talking a lot? Weirdly, Sunny feels like the whole area becomes dimmer as his friend’s shoulders sink. “I’m sorry. I’m really trying to grow out of it, really!”
Sunny shakes his head, but Kel is too busy rambling for him to notice.
“Guess I just get a little distracted, heh. Especially with you, you make me feel like I can say anything and everything—no judgment!” Kel fidgets with the cuffs of his sleeves, an awkward laugh breaking between his speech.
Sunny opens his mouth to speak for the first time that night.
“I like when you talk.”
Brown eyes burst open like a flashlight in the dark. Kel’s hands tense, tightly crushing the crust of his sandwich bread, squeezing out an ooze of mayo hidden inside. That little comment seemed to have done the trick; Sunny doesn’t like to see Kel down. It’s like watching a puppy cry. No one wants to see that. It’s not too often that he sees his best friend like this, so something must be wrong. The best way to cheer Kel up, as he’s found, is compliments. Compliments work towards his favor.
So he needs to compliment Kel more. That will be easy.
“You don’t need to stop talking. I like when you talk to me,” Sunny continues, pushing out every word with as much feeling as he can. He knows he’s not the best speaker, but, as Basil always says to him, that just means every word carries a lot more weight.
Kel’s breath catches in his throat. He’s dead frozen watching Sunny speak for the first time that night.
“You say everything. But that’s not bad.” Sunny tries to explain what he’s saying with his hands, motioning around to help him get everything out. “Makes me feel important.”
That’s all he thinks he has to say. Though he knows Kel will understand.
He picks up the sandwich Kel made for him and takes a little bite. Oh. Wow, Sunny wasn’t wrong about everyone in the Mendoza family being a good cook. That Kel would go to this length to make him something … he feels something pulling at his insides. Something warm.
Laughter fills the hill.
Kel is laughing. Kel is laughing such an honest, clear laugh that feels like it’s been freed from some ugly pressure. His face is red, yes, and his ears are red, alright, and that feeling of dimness goes away in a flash as Sunny watches his best friend giggle uncontrollably.
Sunny learns that he likes the sound of Kel laughing above many other things. Perhaps it’s one of his favorite sounds ever. Who can say.
As he finishes, Kel wipes a tear from his eye and breathes a sigh of relief. The other boy looks at Sunny with a look he’s never caught before. He’s not sure what to name it. Happiness? But this is different. It’s … more? Super happiness, maybe?
“You—you just won’t ever get it, will ya? How much I—” But Kel stops himself short before finishing that line of thought. He turns away bashfully, the red from before still not having left his cheeks.
Hmm?
“How much you what?” Sunny asks. Kel widens his eyes before waving around his hands in dismissal.
“Nothing! Nothing! Eat your food or it'll get cold!” Kel interrupts. “You don’t wanna waste my delicious food I worked so hard to make, right?” Sunny stares at him a bit longer, but ultimately decides to let it go, returning to his sandwich. Mmm, bacon, Sunny thinks as he nibbles at a strip tucked between the lettuce and tomato.
They drift into a comfortable silence, save for the soft crunches of the pair biting into their late-night dinner. If the stars were to look down on the evening picnic below, they’d spot two boys enjoying each other’s company even in the chill of March. Eating big, juicy sandwiches and drinking Mexican soda pop.
When they finish their food, Kel goes to take Sunny’s trash from him to throw back in the basket. But they both seem to have the same idea, as Sunny moves to take the trash himself, whereas Kel moves to grab it from him, and then—womp.
Kel’s elbow accidentally knocks over Sunny’s orange soda, spilling it on his gray sweatpants. The black-haired boy doesn’t make much of an expression, only tensing because of the sudden chill of the wet spot. His friend, however, launches into action.
“Crap! Sunny—I’m so sorry! Just, uh, give me a sec, I have more napkins in the basket!” Kel apologizes, quickly crawling over to the hamper to grab stuff to clean with. The juice is a little stainy, and the smell probably won’t go away for a while, but it’s no big deal. Sunny’s not sure why Kel is so frantic.
It’s not like him.
Why is Kel acting so differently tonight?
Kel shuffles back over to him, sliding in front of Sunny with the extra napkins armed and ready.
The taller boy hesitantly reaches a hand over Sunny’s thigh, the paper towel hovering as if waiting for permission to clean the stain. Kel looks to Sunny, a quiet moment growing between them, before Sunny realizes Kel is actually asking permission to clean the stain. What for? They’ve never had to ask to touch each other before. Kel always slings his arm around Sunny’s shoulders anytime they walk down the street together. His friend has even given him piggyback rides on the way back home. Why’s this any different? But Sunny understands this must be another silly antic. So he nods and motions for the other to continue.
Kel tenses the second his hand touches Sunny’s leg.
“Kel.”
Kel looks up with a scared expression, like he’s been caught doing something bad.
“Sunny?” He asks in return.
“What’s wrong?” Sunny gets straight to the point. He likes Kel when he’s being himself. He likes Kel when he’s rambling about basketball or his little sister Sally or whatever weird thing he found at the park when he was picking up trash for the old lady at the stand. He likes Kel when he’s goofy. He likes Kel when he’s laughing. He likes Kel when he’s Kel.
Right now it’s like Basil, or someone else characteristically neurotic, has stolen Kel’s body and is messing around in there.
Kel wipes whatever face he was wearing before and puffs out his lips while looking down back at Sunny’s leg.
“Nothing’s wrong. Whaddya mean?” He refuses to face Sunny, apparently, while saying that. Oh yeah, nothing’s wrong at all, clearly. Tact, Sunny, the black-haired boy thinks to himself. You need to use tact.
“Liar. You’re nervous.” Kel gasps, looking up at Sunny’s surprisingly forward comment. So much for tact, Sunny sighs in his head.
“Am not!” Kel says.
“Yes, you are.” Sunny knows Kel very well.
“Nuh uh!”
“Kel.”
“Excuse me, sir, but I am currently trying to clean up this stain and you are distracting me.”
Kel’s fancy gentleman voice. That’s a good sign. Talking seems to help. But help what?
What could Kel possibly be upset about? Did something happen at school? Did he and Aubrey get into a big fight or something? Or maybe it was with Hero? Or his parents? Sunny likes to think, as he said before, that he knows Kel very well, and Kel isn’t the type who really gets into serious arguments (thus, his usual shenanigans with Aubrey or the Hooligans doesn’t count). So he doesn’t think it’s that.
Maybe Kel is feeling the nerves of high school all of the sudden, for some unknown reason? Did he do poorly on a test and feel like he can’t share about it without feeling embarrassed? Maybe something happened with his basketball team?
None of that sounds like Kel either. Now he’s reaching for excuses. That only leaves one factor left that he can think of.
Himself.
Is … something wrong with Sunny? Does Kel not want to say whatever it is to spare his feelings? Maybe the reason Kel invited Sunny out to this picnic tonight is because he came to say he doesn’t want to hang out anymore. That would explain why Kel went all out; one last big blowout before he ends their friendship. Sunny isn’t very interesting anyway. He knows that. It was only a matter of time before Kel realized it for himself.
“Is it me? Did I … do something wrong?” Sunny wants to take it back as soon as he says it. Stupid. Of course it isn’t him. Kel loves so much and so hard, and he values his friends like they’re his most precious treasures. That includes Sunny. Sunny’s supposed to be working on the whole confidence thing, but it takes time. A lot of time.
Kel flinches at the question, grabbing the younger boy’s thigh with his hand and immediately looking straight into Sunny’s eyes. The action is surprising, to say the least.
“What? No! Never! Never ever, Sunny.” Now the taller boy looks exasperated, pushing his face into his hands as he groans loudly. “Gah—I’m completely fucking this all up!”
Sunny widens his eyes. It’s not like he hasn’t heard Kel cuss before. Or cussing in general. Aubrey practically cusses every sentence. He just doesn’t hear Kel say “fuck” all that often.
“I just—I just wanted this night to go perfectly because I really wanted to treat you to something special because you deserve it. Because you’re awesome and you are special to me and so I asked Hero to help me with everything because he’s the expert on all this! But, of course, leave it to me to mess it all up! Can’t even start the night off without spilling the drinks I got us on you,” Kel rambles at average Kel speed, though with a bit more frustration in his voice than usual.
Hero? Why would he ask Hero for help with a picnic?
Why did Kel want this night “to go perfectly” and why is tonight so important to him?
As the pair sit in silence, the brown-haired boy still gripping the black-haired’s pants with an iron grip, the wind begins to settle. Earlier, it ran through the field like a herd of wild horses. Now, it seems as if the herd has gone to sleep. There is barely any noise now. Just the sound of Kel’s labored breathing from having talked so much all at once. And the sound of Sunny’s heartbeat. He doesn’t know why his heart is beating so fast. He’s not really sure he understands this at all.
Do friends care so, so much about setting up a “perfect” picnic under the evening stars? Do they ask their big brother for help so that the night goes perfectly? The expert? The expert on what?
But wouldn’t that mean … ?
They’re friends, right? They’re best friends. The best of friends, as Kel always says. They make the best pair, like Kel said tonight. Like Aubrey and Kim. Like Sean and Karen. Like Basil and his flowers.
Like Basil and his flowers … Basil loves his flowers more than anything. Wait. And Sean and Karen have been googly eyes for each other ever since he met them. And Kim and Aubrey are like the worst kept secret since Captain Spaceboy and Sweetheart (he’s an avid fan fiction-ista). All of the pairs Kel mentioned earlier are … couples.
So the only thing that would make sense is—but that’s not a possibility. No. There’s no way that’s why Kel brought Sunny out tonight. That’s laughable. Kel couldn’t possibly feel anything for him. For him? For Sunny?
He needs to know.
Most people would expect an answer after a confession of that nature, but not Kel. Sunny isn’t much of a talker, so he knows Kel won’t expect him to say anything in response. Kel will just bottle up whatever feelings he’s holding inside and pretend nothing ever happened. They’ll clean up the blanket and trash the leftover food, drive back to their houses, and say good night. The next day, Kel will march on over to walk Sunny through whatever chores he has to do for the day. And they’ll spend time together, doing whatever it is that Kel finds for them to do.
And Sunny will enjoy every minute. Because it’s with Kel.
But Kel won’t. Not when he’s feeling like this—whatever this is.
So he needs to know.
Kel finishes cleaning the stain on Sunny’s pants before moving away from the shorter boy. He goes to sit closer to the middle of the spread, hugging himself as he stares far away. He’s about to apologize, but Sunny won’t let him.
“Why?” Sunny asks quietly. He’s not sure what face he’s wearing at the moment, probably half between something shocked and something of a smile. Like he’s just been surprised by an infamous Kel celebratory birthday hug. That’s a mouthful. But he really likes those hugs. Even if they surprise him. It’s a good surprise. He’s always relieved when it’s Kel. Happy to be held. Like he deserves it. Like he’s special. “Why me?”
…
He’s really special to Kel, isn’t he?
Kel looks up to find Sunny’s eyes. He’s searching for something. An emotion? A tell? A secret?
“What do you mean?” Kel responds just as quiet.
Sunny scoffs to the other’s surprise.
“Kel.” It’s unfair to expect Sunny to have connected the dots together so quickly. In his defense, he doesn’t know much about this kinda stuff, save for what his older sister used to have with Hero, or the many examples Kel cited earlier. So it took a minute to understand why Kel brought him out here. Or, at least he hopes he understands finally. “Why me?”
A sigh breathes out from the taller boy. When he faces Sunny, he’s smiling, but it’s a sad smile, a smile he’s only worn so very few times in present company. Something pulls at it, threatening to change it into a frown. But Kel wears it with strength. He doesn’t let the smile go. He doesn’t let Sunny see him sad. He just looks defeated. Like he’s lost. Like he’s losing something. A bittersweet smile.
“I—I don’t really remember when it started. But one day, it just did. And it was really … surprising? Because I had never remembered ever liking boys before, y’know? So I tried passing it off as something of a ‘super friendship.’ Like a level up, or whatever, just the kind of reasoning that made sense to me as a kid. I always thought ‘Sunny’s different because you’ve known him longer than anyone.’ That had to be the reason why every time we hung out after I started to feel a certain way, I’d get warm. Like the warmth you feel when you’re hurtling down a hill in a really fast car. It’s a little scary—and it makes your stomach do a flip—but it’s a good scary. And so I reasoned it out. I thought it’d be fine. It wasn’t anything to be worried about.”
“And then … everything happened. And I just really missed you. I really, really missed you, Sunny. I didn’t feel very warm anymore. I was so lonely without you around. Without my best friend. Dude, I think I dreamed about you like every other night. ‘Cause I remember waking up and feeling like nothing had changed. Like everything that had happened was a really bad dream and I’d finally woken up. But, nah, everything was the same. You weren’t there. You weren’t ever going to talk to me again. I was never gonna see you again.”
“But I never gave up, y’know? I never, ever gave up. Sure, there were times when I got a little sad and didn’t even wanna look at your guys’ door. Sometimes it sorta hurt to knock on it, knowing nobody was going to open and let me in. Knowing you weren’t going to step out. But yeah, that was only sometimes. I tried and tried and I always kept trying. Because I missed you, Sunny. Because I missed the way you’d watch me talk for what felt like hours, never missing a beat, always nodding your head along or pumping yourself up in your own way whenever I got excited about something. I missed the way you’d go along with whatever crazy stuff I had going on, never making me feel dumb for even my stupidest shit, just being there with me, for me. And it felt so good to be present in someone’s life like the way I was in yours. I know you and Basil were always closer … but I like to think it was you and me first. Kel and Sunny. Sunny and Kel. Just you and me.”
And now Kel’s grabbing his hands, gently interlocking their fingers together like they were always meant to be a perfect fit. Even as he’s confessing, Kel’s blushing and feeling shy taking Sunny’s hands in his own. But Kel’s tired. Sunny can tell by the way his voice struggles to finish off the last of his speech. He’s tired and he sounds defeated. Like there was never any hope in the first place.
“I … I get it if you don’t feel the same way. And I know I just overload-dumped everything on you just now, heh. Sorry about that. So uh … you don’t have to say anything. Ever. I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable. I don’t wanna be pushy. I mean, I know I’m usually pushy, but like, definitely not for this. You know I’d never ask anything of you, nothing like that.”
It is silent in the hills. The grass is still. The sky is still. The clouds are few and far between. And the moon simply stares. It stares at the scene unfolding beneath it, waiting for what’s to happen next.
Safe to say Sunny wasn’t expecting Kel to confess his unyielding affections tonight during a picnic.
Safe to say Sunny wasn’t expecting much of anything at all.
Why does his mind always go to the worst places? Why can’t he accept that there are people in his life who care for him so deeply? Why is it that he finds it so hard to believe that Kel would feel for him in this way?
Because … what is so good about Sunny that Kel, who is the sunniest person in the world, as if the sun itself was born into a single human person, can find something to admire in Sunny? Can fall for someone who’s so cold? So empty? So … nothing?
Kel sees all these things in him. Sunny just doesn’t understand how Kel can love him so much out of all the people in the world.
But … Sunny wants to learn how to accept what others tell him more. He wants to stop doubting himself so much. He wants to stop running away from bad things that make him hide under the bed. He wants to stop running away from good things because he’s scared he’ll ruin them. He just wants to breathe.
He wants the sun.
Which just leaves one more question. It wouldn’t be fair to Mari if he didn’t ask. Even if he knows the answer. Even though the others have forgiven him. Even though he’s forgiven himself, mostly. He still has to ask. It’s only right.
“All that … you feel all that for me? Even after …” Sunny mutters. Kel furrows his eyebrows, knowing exactly what Sunny is about to say.
“Stop that. We’ve overkilled that conversation.” Kel grabs Sunny by the shoulders, fighting his nerves, his feelings, just so that he can tell his crush exactly how he feels. He knows Sunny will spiral into some doubt-ridden tornado of serious bummer-ness. “You know how I feel. About how all of us feel. So don’t go thinking for one minute that I didn’t think about that. I did. And it doesn’t change anything. It was an accident. You went through hell long enough, Sunny.”
Sunny reluctantly meets Kels’ eyes.
“I will always be here for you when you feel low. Especially about that. But I’m trying to tell you, Sunny, I—I love you. And that means no matter what, whatever happened, it means that I—” But Kel cuts himself off when he notices that Sunny is shivering. The wind is back and he didn’t notice. A smaller smile appears, but this time it’s genuine. It’s not defeated. It’s soft. “Yo, are you cold?”
What.
Yes he’s cold, but Kel’s just going to interrupt himself like that?
“Sunny, if you’re cold we could … uh, well we could maybe lay down together? Cuddle? It’d warm you up.” That’s a daring question. Forward, too. Kel seemed hesitant to even ask. Sunny doesn’t remember what Kel’s face looked like not-red with blush.
But of course Sunny wants to cuddle with Kel. Out of all his friends, Kel was always the best cuddler. Like a big dog who buries its head in your shoulder or your chest. With that big mop of hair Kel’s got on his head, the dog metaphor works even better.
“Yes.” Maybe Sunny says that a little too quickly. Kel’s smile folds into a wobbly grin, and Sunny swears he hears Kel’s breath catch as if he’s just choked on something.
Kel lets go of Sunny’s shoulders and goes to lay down. He spreads out, stretching his big wooly arms to every length of the picnic spread; it’s a shock this blanket even fits him. When he’s done, a sigh escapes, a pleasant sigh that is, and he turns to Sunny. He taps the space next to him, then reaches out to grab Sunny.
Okay. Yeah. Maybe he wants this a lot more than he thought.
He dives into Kels’ arms, kicking out an oomph! from the bigger boy, sinking into his warm embrace. And it’s so warm. It’s like he’s hugging the sun. Why was Kel blessed with being so warm? He’s a human heater. He’s a cozy bed with blankets and fuzzy pillows to sleep with. He’s a memory. He’s a treasure. He’s …
“The sky, uh, sure is pretty tonight…” Kel tenses besides Sunny at the prolonged contact. Wasn’t Kel the one reaching out for him?
Sunny giggles, surprising even himself. How can Kel be this dumb? This dude.
“Now you’re out of things to say?” Sunny deadpans, though a hint of humor creeps in.
Kel nudges him—hard. “Shut up!” They laugh together.
Kel isn’t wrong. The sky is pretty tonight. It was pretty when they got out of the car and walked to the spot. It was pretty when they were eating Kel’s food under the moonlight. It was pretty when Kel confessed to all of his feelings for Sunny. It’s still pretty. It’ll always be pretty. Because it’ll always be stuck in his head: this evening; this moment.
Sunny plays with the fabric of one of Kels’ sleeves. The taller boy has his arms wrapped around the smaller, and the smaller boy’s back is to the taller’s chest, the two of them buried between each other so that the warmth can’t escape. Kel’s chin rests on Sunny’s head; safe, secure, and satisfied with where he is, with who he’s with, and how he’s with him. There is so much the both of them are feeling at this one given moment. It’s hard for either to describe.
It’s so easy to feel for Kel, Sunny finds. Because how can you not feel for the guy whose entire personality is that of a golden retriever? The guy who knocks on your door everyday until you come out, even if it’s years and years of waiting, with no guarantee that anything will change? The guy who pledges himself to be your best friend, your loyal partner in anything and everything, your number two, your “brother from another mother” (Kel’s said this once), your sun, your light, your hope?
“Kel. I—I think that I feel … It’s hard to describe but I know that I—” Sunny starts.
“It’s okay, Sunny. You can tell me whenever you want to. Whatever it is, whatever you feel. Just … thank you for letting me say all that. I really needed to get that out. You always listen to me. That’s just one of the reasons why I love you, dude.”
Sunny flips over to face Kel, their breaths dangerously close to one another, their noses barely grazing at the tips. He’s facing the sun in the starriest of fields, in the brightest of nights, in the quietest of moments, and he’s breathing it all in. Then he actually breathes it all in and realizes Kel smells like bacon. The other boy makes a face when he sees Sunny’s expression.
“What? I don’t smell, do I? I swore I put on deodorant right before I left…” Kel mutters.
Sunny shakes his head. “Just bacon. But it’s okay. I like bacon.” The younger boy gets a mischievous idea and starts rubbing his face into Kel’s sweater, making the other boy gasp and begin laughing at the sheer silliness of it all.
Laugh, Sunny thinks. Always keep laughing.
I’ll make you laugh forever if I’m lucky enough to.