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Dick looked up to his ceiling with a loud sigh.He was laying in his bed,a video about age regression playing on his laptop.He's been trying to find a new coping mechanism for a long time now,until he stumbled across the term little space.Now he was watching video after video about how exactly it worked.He had no idea why,but somehow the idea of having a child's mindset again gave him some sort of comfort.He must admit though,he was a little scared of it.What if someone saw?That would be so embarrassing.But surely nobody would notice if he tried it out just once,right?
He looked over to his old stuffed elephant Zitka sitting next to his pillow.Maybe she could help with it?He didn't exactly know how slipping worked yet,but some of the people in the videos said that it's not always easy to and different for everyone,so he just decided to try his best for now.
He grabbed Zitka and placed her in his lap,something he used to do all the time when he was younger.She was his little protector after all!Then,he grabbed the remote from his nightstand and turned on the tv in front of his bed.He clicked on disney and after looking trough a bunch of shows and movies aimed at kids,he settled on bluey.
Easy to say,after two episodes he actually had fully slipped.He giggled at all of the silly characters and was determined to know how this episode's adventure was going to end.Dickie looked down on his lap to Zitka,who was also very interested in all the cartoon dogs having fun.He smiled,but then yawned "I feel sleepy" he told the stuffed elephant.Her warm body gave lots of comfort to the newly found little,who held her even closer as he looked back to the tv.
His thumb found it's way into his mouth,as he struggled to keep his eyes open.Who knew that watching a show could be so exhausting?Just as he was drifting off to sleep,his door was abruptly opened by three boys,one of them shouting "dinner".Dick looked over and quickly identified them as Jason,Tim and Damian.And suddenly all he felt was fear.They saw him sucking on his thumb while watching a show for kids and cuddling a stuffed animal,and now it was too late to act like it didn't happen.
Tim,Jason and Damian had a confused look on their faces as they viewed the current scene.After a minute of silence,Jason started to laugh hysterically and Damian asked "What are you doing,Grayson?".Dick wanted to reply,saying that he lost a stupid bet or something,but nothing came out of his mouth,not a word.Dick looked over to Tim,who stayed quiet,in hopes that maybe at least he could do something,but he just stayed quiet,avoiding eye contact.Dick felt so humiliated.He just wanted everyone and everything to go away as he slowly disappeared.He should've never done this.This was a mistake.A very big mistake.
———
Bruce was just finishing today's paperwork before he would head downstairs for dinner,when he heard his youngest son yell "Father!".He couldn't help but notice the slight hint of fear and confusion in the kid's voice,as he quickly made his way towards him.
When he got to where he was called from,he found himself in front of Dick's room.His three other sons looked at him,and then back to Dick,who was crying and shaking on his bed,a kids show playing on his tv.
Bruce gave the three other boys a confused look and asked "what happened?".They shrugged,but then Jason spoke up "We just wanted to get Dickhead for dinner,but when we came in his room he was acting like…this.And then he started sobbing".Bruce was just as confused as them,until realization struck him.Age regression.With all the work he’s been doing,he's seen a few people do it to help cope with stress or past trauma,so it sort of would make sense if Dick did it.
"You go downstairs and eat.Tell Alfred I won't be attending dinner tonight. I'm gonna take care of this" Bruce told the three,still visibly confused,boys,who nodded understandingly.Once they were gone,he entered Dick's room and closed the door behind him.He sat down on the bed next to the boy that was presumably having a mild panic attack,and asked "Dick?".No reply.He was shaking and hiding his face behind his arms.Bruce layed a hand on his shoulder,but when the boy flinched he quickly pulled it away and tried again "Dickie,can you hear me?".No reply again.Okay,he was definitely having a panic attack,and now Bruce wasn't too sure if it was as mild as he had previously concidered it.
Bruce carefully touched his oldest son on his arm one more time,and when he didn't react he asked "I'm gonna pick you up now,is that okay with you?".When he didn't get a reply again,he decided to just go for it,but to immediately let go of Dick if he'd react negatively.He picked up his son and placed him down in his lap."It's okay Dick,I'm not here to judge you.I understand that you're just coping.Just try to breathe" He tried to soothe him.At first it did nothing,but once he started to slowly rock his legs,Dick,still sitting on his lap,slightly calmed down.Tears were still falling from his eyes,but he had stopped to shake and finally relaxed his body.
———
Dick felt werid and wasn't sure where he was,but when he tried to look around himself,his head was pushed pack to where it was.He whined,but a voice quickly spoke up "Shh,it's okay Dickie.You're in your room. I'm right here,dad's right here with you".Bruce was here?His voice made him feel so safe.But wouldn't he just be disappointed and ashamed of him for behaving like this,like a child?Why was he being so nice?
"Just try to breathe with me,yeah?"Bruce said and Dick did as he asked,taking some deep breaths.He didn't even realize that he hadn't been breathing properly,but when he mirrored his dad's actions it made his mind feel a lot clearer,even if the fog of him feeling small still hadn't fully left.
"Are you with me now,Dickie?"his dad asked,with a softness Dick hadn't heard from him in a long time.The little slowly nodded,which lead to him receiving a kiss on the top of his head."That's good"Bruce quietly whispered.
Dick was so confused.His head hurt and he was tired.His brothers had seen him be little and laughed at him.He was humiliated in front of them.And now his dad had to bother calming him down.Wasn’t he supposed to be eating dinner at this right moment?Tears escaped his eyes yet again,this was too much for him,he was just a little boy!
The soothing rocking motion of his dad's legs started again and it calmed him down a bit again,but his tears didn't stop."It's okay little one" Bruce kissed the top of his head again "let it all out".And he did.He cried for at least half an hour longer,until his eyes felt heavy again.
"Dickie?" Bruce quietly asked.The tired boy looked up to him as he held out Zitka for him "I think she's worried about you.Why don't you tell her how you're feeling?".Dick immediately took the elephant and wrapped his arms around her soft body tightly."M' okay Zitka!Jus' sleepy".Bruce smiled and placed yet another kiss on Dick,this time on his forehead.He helped lay the little’s head on his echest and softly whispered "Good night,Dickie.I love you".The tiny boy smiled and replied "I love you too,papa",before finally drifting off into his very own dreamland.
——
The next morning Dick woke up with a groan.He looked around himself and quickly noticed Zitka in his arms.He was a little confused as to why,but then the memories of yesterday night came rushing back to his mind.He immediately sat up straight in shock and embarrassment.How could he ever be around his family without feeling ashamed of himself again?
"You're awake".He heard a voice in the other side of his room say.He turned around to face it and was met with Tim.That was probably the last thing he needed right now.
"Uhm...how are you feeling?"his brother asked.Dick was slightly confused as to why he'd ask,but then replied "Good?" wigh a raised eyebrow.Tim nodded "That's nice.Dick,listen.I really want to apologize".That most certainly wasn't anything of what Dick was expecting.
When Dick didn't reply,Tim continued "Yesterday,after what happened,Bruce explained to us what age regression is.We had no idea it was your way of coping.If we would've known,we never would have reacted that way.So I'm sorry.And Jason and Damian are too".
Dick was still at a loss of words at first,but then quietly said "It's okay.Just forget what you saw,it won't happen again.Thank you for being understanding".Tim sighed but then nodded. "Of course.But Dick,seriously,youre my big brother.I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.And if you ever should...you know,regress again,then I'd be happy to help".That made Dick show the smallest smile.He nodded as Tim smiled back and made his way out of the room.
Not long after,it was breakfast time.Throughout the entire meal there wasn't a single word exchanged between anyone,and a awkward silence plastered the room.
When he was done eating,Dick was quick to leave the table and head back to his room,but both Jason and Damian were following him.He walked trough the halls snd up the stairs,just hoping that they’d leave.
"God,what do you want?" Dick snapped when they had followed him all the way into his room.Damian was the first to reply "I would like to apologize,Grayson.I should not have judged you and hope to not have hurt your feelings".
Dick sighed,he knew Damian didn’t mean it bad,he just didn’t know any better."It's fine,just...forget about what you saw and leave…please".After analyzing Dick for just a bit longer,Damian nodded and left the room.Dick looked over to Jason,who awkwardly leaned against his doorframe.Dick expected him to leave too,but Jason stayed put.He took a deep breath and then spoke up "Look,Dick.I didn't mean to hurt you,man.I know it's serious when you start crying.So...I'm sorry for laughing".Wow.Apologetic words from Jason are something rare,let alone the softness in his voice.Dick looked down on the floor and stayed quiet for a minute and then mumbled "Okay.Can you please leave now?".Jason nodded and made his way towards the door,accepting his brother's wishes,but not before clarifying that he knew he was serious one more time."I really mean it,Dick.I'm sorry" Dick sighed again"I know.Now leave,please" Jason did as he said,even though it really didn't feel right.But everyone was different,and in a situation like this maybe Dick needed some time alone,which Jason most definitely didn’t want to interfere.
Now Dick was staring up at his ceiling again,this time confused.If all his family accepted him as a little,why did it still feel so wrong?Thousands of thoughts were rushing trough his mind,giving him a headache,as he tried to figure out how to fix this.
He could do this in his own.This was a one time thing.A slip up,nothing more.He was a hero to an entire city,if not multiple.He didn’t need anyone to be there for him.He didn’t need to act like a child to be okay,that would be pathetic.He could do this on his own.He didn’t need help.He didn’t need anyone.
Approximately twenty minutes later,he found himself knocking on Jason's door,a few tears threatening to spill out of his eyes."What?" the younger one called from inside,but instead of replying Dick just entered the room.Jason turned around from his desk and looked at him with an annoyed expression,but when he saw the state of the older one,he softened up and his expression turned to worry."Dickhead?What happened?".Dick couldn't exactly find the words he wanted to exclaim so badly,so he just walked up to Jason and wrapped him into a tight hug."What?” Jason asked again,this time visibly confused and a bit thrown aback.After a moment,Dick quietly mumbled "thank you".Not long after,Jason returned the hug.There were no more words that needed to be exchanged.For now,this was enough.
Maybe not everything was as bad as Dick thought it would be after all.