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Nick could feel a lump building in his throat each time he looked down at the dog that sat between his legs, her trusting brown eyes bored into his as she laid her head against his thigh. He sniffed and dropped a hand to stroke through the soft hair on top of her head, but had to look away, not wanting to let the building tears trickle down his face.
Always able to read his thoughts, Charlie placed a gentle hand on Nick’s thigh and gave him a soft smile, “She’s not going to die, you know,” he said, “You’re going to see her in a few weeks.”
Despite it being an obvious attempt at comfort, Charlie’s comment broke the dam, and Nick’s lip wobbled until he couldn’t contain it any longer, a torrential downpour of tears streaming down his face, “I’ve never gone that long without her,” he sobbed, “It’s not a few weeks, it’s three months .”
“Baby,” Charlie said, breathing a laugh, “You can catch a train literally any weekend.”
“We can also drive up and visit some weekends. Surely you’ll want to see Charlie and me, too,” Sarah interjected, peering at her absolutely distraught son in the rearview mirror, “It won’t be three months, Nicky.”
Nick buried his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking violently. Charlie murmured soft platitudes as he rubbed his boyfriend’s back, tearing up a bit himself as he saw how upset Nick was.
They spent the rest of the drive in near-silence, neither Charlie nor Sarah knowing exactly what to say to alleviate Nick’s pain.
Knowing exactly where to go, since she and Charlie had helped Nick move in just a week prior, Sarah pulled into the car park nearest Nick’s student accommodations and sat for a moment, unsure of exactly what to say. She gave Charlie a grateful smile when he was the one to speak first.
“What do you think, love? Shall we head inside and make sure that everything’s where we left it?”
Nick nodded, “Yeah,” he said, his voice still a bit raspy from having cried. His fingers tangled into Nellie’s collar and he turned to speak to his mum, “Are you and Nellie going to get out too?”
“Of course, darling,” Sarah replied, “I don’t think I can bring her inside, but, we’ll get out to say goodbye, and I should give Nel a chance to have a wee before we drive down to see Aunt Clara.”
Nick’s lip wobbled at the thought, but he unbuckled his seatbelt and climbed out of the car, “Right.”
Nellie leaped out of the car behind Nick and waited patiently for him to buckle her lead. Sensing that he’d be needed, Charlie walked around from his side of the car and stood beside Nick, looping his arm through his boyfriend’s.
“You’ll still get me for a whole day,” Charlie murmured, pressing a kiss to Nick’s shoulder.
“We should take a photo,” Sarah said, “You two and Nellie, what do you think, Nicky?”
Nick scrubbed at his face with the sleeves of his jumper, trying to erase all traces of his earlier tears. He turned to Charlie, “Do I look like shit?”
Charlie let out a quiet laugh as he observed Nick’s slightly-red face, “Not too bad,” he said, kissing Nick’s cheek.
Sarah fumbled with her iPhone for a moment, cursing a bit as she struggled to navigate to the camera application. Nick and Charlie snickered quietly but fondly at her predictable frustration with the technology.
“Oh, that’s my face,” she grumbled, “Fuck, Nicky, how do I change it?”
After a moment of trying and failing to describe how to flip the camera, Nick ran over to his mum and did it for her, “See, it’s just that button with the arrows.”
Once it was all figured out, Sarah snapped a few photos, and then Charlie switched places with her so that Nick could have photos with his mum as well.
“I should probably get going, darling,” Sarah said with a sigh, her own eyes a bit teary, “I don’t want to be driving in the dark, and you two should get some dinner pretty soon.”
Nick bit his lip but nodded, handing Nellie’s leash to Charlie so that he could hug his mum.
“I’m so proud of you, baby,” she whispered, “I love you so much. You’re going to have so much fun, you won’t even have time to miss us.”
“I’m going to miss you so much,” Nick argued, his throat tight, “I love you, too. I’m going to call you like, every day.”
Sarah let out a wet laugh and then kissed her son’s cheek, “I’ll be happy to hear from you whenever you call, darling.”
They pulled apart, and Nick dropped to his knees, wrapping himself tightly around Nellie. He stroked her fur as she licked at his face. Both Charlie and Sarah teared up as they watched the exchange, but eventually, Nick stood up and wiped the tears from his face, “You’ve got to get out of here before I take her and run,” he said.
“Alright, I’m going,” Sarah laughed, “Bye Charlie, I’ll see you later this week for tea, right?”
“Of course,” Charlie replied, stepping forward to hug his boyfriend’s mum.
Nick and Charlie watched as Nellie and Sarah loaded into the car, and Nellie finally began to realize that something wasn’t quite right. She let out a bark, looking at Nick through the window of the car as if he’d just forgotten to get in with them.
Sarah gave a final wave to her boys and then got into the car herself. She backed out of the parking spot slowly, and Nellie’s barking got a bit more desperate.
Charlie wrapped his arms around Nick’s waist as he started to sniffle yet again. The two of them stood, waving at the car until they could no longer see it, and then Nick devolved into full-on sobs, burying his face against the junction of Charlie’s neck and shoulder.
“It’s okay, love,” Charlie whispered, “Let’s get you inside. I’ll order us a takeaway, we can cuddle up and watch a film. It’ll be okay.”
Nick nodded against Charlie’s shoulder, and after a few seconds, pulled himself together. Once more, he scrubbed at his face with the sleeves of his jumper, and then the two of them made their way into Nick’s accommodations. While part of him feared that he may end up being a bit lonely later on, Nick couldn’t have been more grateful that he ended up with a single room, no roommate to witness him sob into his boyfriend’s arms about how much he missed his dog.
The two of them kicked off their shoes and made their way over to Nick’s single bed, already made up with sheets and a duvet from when they’d moved his belongings in the week prior.
“What are you hungry for, babe?” Charlie asked, unlocking his phone and navigating to the JustEat webpage.
Nick flopped back on the bed, staring up at the slightly water-stained, white ceiling, “I’m not hungry.”
Charlie ignored him, knowing he’d be hungry later, “We could do a Chinese takeaway? You always like a chicken fried rice. Or maybe a pizza? I’ll let you get as many dips as you want. I’m paying.”
Nick sniffed, “As many as I want?”
“Of course, idiot,” Charlie laughed, “I’d buy you all the dips in the fucking world if it would help you feel better.”
For the first time in several hours, a genuine smile spread across Nick’s face, “Okay. Can we get pepperoni pizza, then?”
Charlie nodded, “You find a film for us to watch and I’ll order the pizza,” he replied, “Do you want me to get you a can of Coke, too?”
Nick booted up his laptop and navigated to Netflix, “Yeah, I’ll take a Coke, thanks love.”
Charlie put in Nick’s pizza first and then spent a few minutes customizing his own, choosing to add a variety of vegetables like spinach and artichoke hearts to the pepperoni pizza base. Once the pizzas were added, he went to the extras section, adding two cans of Coke, then one of each and every sauce option for Nick, and one single cup of garlic butter for himself.
Once Charlie had paid for the pizza, and the delivery time was confirmed, Nick and Charlie cuddled up in the single bed, talking quietly as The Babadook played on Nick’s laptop.
—
Sarah bit her lip, desperately fighting against the tears that threatened to fall as she listened to Nellie whining from her spot in the passenger seat.
“I know, sweetheart, I miss him too,” she said, “We’ll see him soon.”
The drive to her sister’s house passed fairly quickly, as it was a much shorter distance than the full trip back home. She pulled up, parallel parking outside the familiar house, expecting Nellie to get ready to leap out of the car, excited to be spending the night somewhere new.
Instead, Nellie whined once the door opened up, looking around at her surroundings expectantly.
“He’s not here, darling,” Sarah said with a sigh, “You’ll just have to make do with me.”
Sarah knocked on the door, and her sister flung it open almost instantly, “How are you?” she cried, flinging her arms around Sarah.
“Bit up and down,” Sarah replied, her arms wrapped tightly around her sister, “He couldn’t stop crying, and I don’t even want to imagine how he’ll be tomorrow evening when his boyfriend leaves.”
Clara let her go, stepping back to smile at her sister, “He’ll be okay,” she said, “He’s strong, and if he needs me, I’m only a short drive away. I’ll drive over there and buy him some groceries next week, check up on him for you.”
“I appreciate it,” Sarah said, stepping into her sister’s house, Nellie trailing behind her, “And Nellie! She stood up, watching him as we drove away. She kept making the most pitiful sounds.”
Clara bent down, giving the dog a pet, “She just misses her boy, doesn’t she?”
Sarah kicked off her shoes, hanging her jacket on a hook by the door, “I have a feeling that I’ll be driving her and Nick’s boyfriend up here again in a few weeks.”
Clara smiled, “Come on, I think we need to get a glass of wine in you.”
Sarah followed her sister into the kitchen with an easy laugh, “Yeah, make that two.”
—
By the time the pizza arrived, Nick’s sadness about saying goodbye to Nellie and his mum had been replaced with fear of the horror film they’d been watching. Charlie paused the film and pressed a kiss to Nick’s lips, “I’ll be right back. Don’t let The Babadook get you while I’m gone.”
“ Charlie ,” Nick whined, “Why would you say that? I’m coming with you.”
Charlie let out a laugh, “It’s not going to get you, baby. I was just joking.”
“Too late,” Nick replied, slipping his shoes back on, “You’ll need my help carrying all of that anyway.”
The two of them bantered back and forth, passing several other students as they made their way to the building entrance, where the delivery person was waiting with their order, as well as those of a few other students as well. They gratefully accepted their order and then returned to Nick’s room, boxes, sauces, and Coke cans in hand.
Because of the small bed size, they rearranged themselves on the bed to eat, sitting against the wall rather than at the head of the bed so that they had more room to sit cross-legged and spread their food out.
Nick peeled his sauces open one by one and placed them inside his pizza box, hoping they wouldn’t spill over and stain his brand-new sheets. He selected one of the sauce cups and dipped his first slice of pizza in, leaning back against the wall as he ate.
They finished the remainder of the film as they made their way through their pizzas, chatting quietly over the dialogue. Nick’s phone went off, and he opened it to find a selfie of his mum, his aunt, and Nellie.
Hope you’re having a good night , she’d said.
Nick held his phone up and snapped a landscape selfie which included Charlie next to him, taking a giant bite of his pizza.
We got pizza and watched a film, he sent back.
Once the film was over and they’d finished their pizzas, they cleaned up the boxes and got ready for bed. They bumped shoulders and hips together, laughing at each other as they brushed their teeth, and then shucked off their pants and climbed under the duvet. Charlie laid on his back, Nick’s head on his chest.
“How are you feeling?” Charlie asked, reaching up to card his fingers through Nick’s hair.
Nick wrapped an arm around Charlie’s middle, his hand stroking at the strip of bare skin between the bottom of his shirt and the waistband of his pants, “I don’t know,” he admitted, “I’m feeling a lot of things at once. I’m dreading saying goodbye to you tomorrow, but I’m also really excited to start uni and make new friends and just kind of… start my life over again.”
Charlie pressed a kiss to the top of Nick’s head, “You’ll see me again soon,” he said, “And you’re going to make so many new friends. Everyone is going to love you.”
Nick snuggled close to his boyfriend, his throat tight, “I’ll miss you so much.”
“I’ll miss you too, baby,” Charlie replied, “But we already have plans for our FaceTime schedule, and once I go home, we’ll find a weekend soon for me to come back and visit.”
They two continued chatting quietly until exhaustion took over, falling asleep entangled in each other’s arms for what would be the last time in a while.
—
Nick and Charlie made their way to the train station, matching pits of dread in their stomachs. They held hands until they couldn’t anymore. They reached the appropriate platform, and it became necessary to say goodbye. Charlie flung himself into Nick’s arms for a lingering hug, and the two of them trembled against each other, trying not to cry.
Charlie pulled out of the embrace first, reaching up to cup Nick’s cheek, “I’ll see you soon, baby. I love you more than anything.”
Nick pressed forward, slotting his lips against Charlie’s, “I love you too,” he said, his lip wobbling.
Charlie smiled sadly at him giving him one last kiss, “My mum will kill me if I miss this train,” he said, “I’ll call you when I’m home.”
Nick nodded, and with that, Charlie hiked his backpack up on his shoulders and boarded the train, giving Nick one final wave before he disappeared between the doors. Nick lingered, waiting for the train to depart before returning to his accommodations.
For the second time since arriving in Leeds, Nick watched on as someone he loved left him behind, his eyes on the train until it became a speck in the distance. He walked back to his student accommodations, his feet dragging as he willed himself to get into his room before falling apart entirely.
Nick wrapped himself up in the jumper Charlie had left behind for him, and picked up his phone to call his mum, who had texted him that she’d arrived back at the house earlier in the day.
“Mum,” he croaked once his mum picked up, “Charlie’s train just left.”
“Oh, baby,” she replied, her voice a bit tinny through his iPhone speaker, “How are you holding up?”
Nick’s lip wobbled until he couldn’t contain it anymore, tears streaming down his cheeks once again, “I don’t know how I’m going to do this.”
“Well,” she replied, “You’ve got about four hours until he’s home, and I can almost guarantee he’ll call you the second he’s back in his bedroom. What can you do until then?”
Nick sniffled, pondering his options for a second, “I could get some dinner, maybe? Will you stay on the phone with me while I go to Tesco? I promise I am going to try and make some friends, I think I just need to take care of myself today."
“Of course, darling. I’m proud of you for knowing how to best take care of yourself and asking for what you need. Did you want to head to Tesco right now?”
Nick nodded, setting his phone on the bed so that he could pull his shoes back on, “It’s not a very long walk - I saw it when Charlie and I walked to the train station.”
Nick popped in his Airpods so that he wouldn’t bother other people with his phone call and then shrugged on a jacket for the short walk to Tesco.
“How was your visit with Aunt Clara?” he asked, grabbing his keys and leaving his room.
“It was lovely,” Sarah replied, “We may have had a bit more wine than was strictly necessary, but we had a lot of fun. She told me that she’s planning to come up and see you sometime soon. I think she’s going to text you so that you can work out your schedules.”
Nick smiled at that, excited at the prospect of a visit from his aunt, especially in an unfamiliar place where he didn’t yet have friends, “That’d be nice. Maybe I’ll find a nice restaurant for us to check out together.”
Nick and his mum chatted a bit aimlessly as he walked the rest of the way to the store, and he felt his mind drifting away from missing Charlie, just a bit. Once he entered the store, his focus shifted.
“What do I need to get?” he asked, suddenly slightly overwhelmed.
Sarah let out a laugh, “Well, we stocked up on a lot of basics when we moved you in last week,” she said, “But you could grab some fresh vegetables if you wanted them – I know you like carrots and hummus – or maybe some fruit? Have you thought about what you want for dinner?”
Nick chewed on his lip, making his way over to the produce section “Carrots and hummus would be good. I don’t really know what I want for dinner. Nothing too complicated, I don’t feel like doing a lot right now.”
“How about a cheese toastie?” Sarah suggested, “You always love those. You just need bread, cheese, and butter. You might want to grab something to drink as well.”
Nick nodded, going along with each of his mother’s suggestions, “I think I’m going to get some crisps as well, and then go home. The carrots, hummus, bread, and cheese will last me a while, especially with the canned stuff we got when you were here.”
Nick loaded a pack of Coke and a bag of crisps into the cart and then paid for his items. He groaned a bit, remembering that he’d need to walk all the way back to his accommodations while hauling a pack of Coke.
“Nellie’s been missing you quite a bit,” Sarah said, panning the camera to the dog, “She keeps whining outside your bedroom door. I think she wants to sleep in your bed.”
Nick pouted as he looked at the dog, “I miss her so much. She can sleep in my bed if she wants.”
Sarah nodded, “As long as you’re okay with it, I’ll allow it. I’ll probably change your sheets before you come home again anyway.”
“I’ve got some uni activities tomorrow, but I think afterward I’m going to look at my schedule and find a weekend to come home. I think I’ll feel better having a solid date to count down to.”
“That makes sense,” Sarah replied, “I’m sure Charlie will be glad to hear it. He’s coming over for tea later this week.”
Nick fumbled with his keys for a moment, struggling to open the door while also juggling his phone and groceries. He made his way into his room, listening halfheartedly as his mum chatted idly about her plans for the week.
“Did you have dinner yet?” Nick asked his mum and then cracked open a can of Coke before heading into the communal kitchen to make up his cheese toastie.
“I’ll probably just make some pasta,” she replied, “I don’t really feel up to much either.”
Nick smiled awkwardly at another student in the shared kitchen, but continued talking to his mum as he prepared his meal, “Do you want me to let you go so that you can make dinner?”
Sarah shook her head, “I don’t mind unless you’re wanting to hang up, in which case that’s alright too. Are you feeling better?”
“A bit, yeah,” Nick replied, lifting a corner of his cheese toastie with a spatula to check the doneness of the bread, “I wish Charlie was here with me, and I miss you, and Nellie, but I feel okay. Once my food is done, I think I’m going to go put something on Netflix while I eat, and then I’ll be ready to call Charlie once he’s home.”
“That sounds like a great plan, darling,” Sarah replied, panning the camera to Nellie once more, “I should probably take her out for a wee break at some point before I make dinner as well.”
“I’ll let you go do that, then,” Nick said with a smile, “My food is done anyway.”
Nick walked back to his room, his plate in one hand and his phone in the other, “I’ll talk to you later then, darling,” Sarah said, “Let me know what you and Charlie decide in terms of when you’d want to come back and visit.”
“Okay, I will,” Nick agreed, sitting down on his bed, “I love you, mum. Thanks for sitting with me while I dealt with everything today.”
“Of course, baby. I love you too.”
Nick hung up and then plugged his phone in to charge, ensuring that his ringer was on so that he’d be notified when Charlie got home. Opening his laptop, he scrolled through Netflix until he found a Scooby Doo movie that he liked and pressed play. With his background noise and his dinner, Nick felt comfortable and satisfied for the first time in the day, the conversation with his mother playing through his head. Though he still felt the physical pain of being so far from his boyfriend, his mum, and his dog, he knew that everything would be okay.