Chapter Text
The double doors to the bridge open with a creak as April pokes her head through the crack, her alert eyes sweeping over every inch of the empty room. With no rambunctious crew members in sight, April nudges the door open with her heel and crosses the threshold with feather light steps as she balances a tray in her hands. The cups and plates on the tray clatter gently like porcelain wind chimes as she pads over to the nearest desk.
She sets the tray down and makes another sweep of the room, checking every nook and cranny while turning off all the instruments the other crew members left on (which was only the radio this time; her weekly lectures on proper station management seem to be working). Satisfied that everything is in order, and that she is completely alone, April returns to her desk and removes items from her tray as she checks them off verbally.
“One tea cup with saucer, check. One teapot full of tea at the perfect temperature,” April lifts the lid of the teapot and inhales the soothing aroma of black tea with hints of lavender. “Mmm check. Tray of shortbread jam cookies, check. Cup of sugar cubes and milk, double check. And finally, my book; check and mate!”
A relaxed sigh slips from her lips; everything is absolutely, 100% perfect! No annoying family running about, no ship malfunctions, no magical/supernatural phenomena that threaten to destroy the entire world. Just her, her book, and-
*SQUAK SQUAK SQUAK*
The dozens of obnoxiously loud seagulls perching on the ship. It’s fine though, she just has to think of them as part of L'oro Di Illyria port ambiance.
Yes, they’re just background noise. Press on.
April pours out a steaming cup of tea and holds the cup up to her nose, drinking in the heady aroma with a satisfied sigh. She drops in two cubes of sugar and a splash of milk before stirring them all together (counter clockwise, for best consistency) until fully incorporated. She takes another whiff of the heavenly brew and all the stress melts away from her shoulders; perfect!
Leaning back in her chair as she opens her book to the first chapter, April brings the cup to her lips as she starts Detective Alphonze’s newest adventure in-
“WHERE’S TESTAMENT?!?” May shouts as she bursts through the doors.
“Of course,” April sighs with resignation. “May, what the heck is going on?”
“April! Thank goodness you’re here; where’s Testament? Are they on the ship???”
“Maybe? I didn’t see them go out with you and the other’s earlier, so they might still be here.”
“Great, thanks!” May runs over to the bouquet of tubes sticking out of the floor and shoves her face up to them as she shouts, “Testament, you are needed on the bridge! Drop whatever you’re doing and get your spooky butt up here now !”
“Again I ask, what’s going on? Why do you need Testament?”
“I need fashion advice. It’s an emergency!”
Before April can follow up, a plume of purple energy materializes on the bridge beforeTestament appears, sans their hat.
“Alright May,” Testament groans as they adjust their disheveled cravat, “I’m here. What’s the problem?”
“Testament!” May vaults over the communications desk and runs up to the taller person’s side, grabbing them by their wrists as she stares up at them with wild, desperate eyes. “I need your help! I-... your lipstick’s smudged.”
Testament blinks out of existence before appearing behind May and pulls out a black pocket mirror from their breast pocket. Flipping it open, they grimace as they note the streak of black lipstick jutting out from the corner of their mouth.
“Oh dear, this is embarrassing.”
“You okay Tess?” April asks. “It’s not like you to mess up your makeup.”
“I’m fine, I was just… exploring one of my many hobbies.”
The door leading up to Johnny’s room swings open as Johnny runs onto the bridge, black coat hastily thrown over his shoulders and black lipstick marks covering his face and chest.
April shoots Testament a knowing smirk. “‘Exploring one of your many hobbies?’”
“Johnathan,” Testament sighs as they bury their face in their palm. They toss their pocket mirror to the bewildered captain and point at their cheek. “You missed a spot, dear.”
“Wha’?” Johnny looks himself in the mirror and startles when he sees the marks. “Aw crap! Give me a minute.”
“Okay May, can you now explain what is so important I had to drop everything I was doing?”
April opens her mouth but Testament silences her with a sideways glare.
“Well, you see…” May begins before letting out a nervous laugh. “I was kinda hoping to talk to you in private, and saying this in front of everyone is kinda-”
“May!” Everyone shouts in unison.
“Okay fine!” May takes a deep breath. “So I was out exploring the town when I ran into Bridget. We were all like ‘oh hi, didn’t know you were here’ and all that, and then we started hanging out. We did some window shopping, which was really fun because she saw this-”
May’s voice trails off when she catches the intense glares of her audience boring into her. She clears her throat with a cough before starting again.
“I’ll just skip that part for now. Anyway, we were talking over some ice cream and she asked if I wanted to have dinner with her tomorrow night.”
“That’s it?” Testament asks incredulously as they arch a perfect eyebrow. “She asked you out to dinner, and this is somehow an emergency?”
“W-well you see, Dizzy made reservations at this fancy restaurant in town for tomorrow night; it was supposed to be for her and Ky but something came up and now they can’t go. So she gave them to Bridget and then she asked me if I wanted to go since she didn’t want them to go to waste.
“I said yes and she got all giddy and excited about it. Just as she left she told me that the dress code was ‘black tie’, and I don’t have a black tie to wear so I wanted to know if you could help me pick one out. You know, something that goes well with my hoodie.”
A loud, mocking laugh echoes from the hallway as a girl with purple twintails and wearing a pink Jellyfish uniform struts onto the bridge. “Oh May, your sweet naivete is utterly intoxicating! Black tie does not mean you have to wear a black tie, it simply means that you must be in formal attire.”
May’s face scrunches up in a scowl as the purple haired girl joins April and the others. “June, what are you doing here?”
“Why, to offer my expertise of course! You know I am a renowned fashionista with exquisite tastes; I would be more than happy to help you find your perfect outfit.”
“Thanks, but I got Testament here, so I don’t need another ‘fashion expert’ to help me.”
“Nonsense! With your atrocious tastes, you need all the help you can get. Besides, I know what looks best on you; remember that dress I made for you last year for Captain Roland’s dinner party? It was absolutely perfect on you!”
“I looked like someone dipped one of March’s dolls in radioactive pink paint before vomiting glitter on it.”
“Oh come now, it’s not my fault that those philistines couldn’t handle my bold vision.”
May rolls her eyes and turns to Testament with pleading eyes. “Tess, could you help me out please?”
“Well I can certainly try. As June said, black tie refers to formal wear; however, depending on the restaurant there might be some flexibility in their dress code. Did Bridget happen to mention the name of the restaurant before she left?”
“Yeah! It was something like ‘La Kwueeya Door’ or something like that.”
“La Cuillère D'or?”
“That’s it!”
Testament hisses as they cross their arms across their chest. “Oh dear, this is going to be difficult. Other than that hor-” Testament’s words hang on their lips as they catch June gazing up at them with big, expectant eyes. “I mean, charming dress June described earlier, what else do you have to work with?”
“I got like ten different hoodies. One of them is brand new, would that work?”
“No. No, certainly not. Alright, we need to do some emergency shopping. Unfortunately I am unfamiliar with this city; does anyone happen to know where we can find a boutique or dress shop?”
June shoulders her way through April and Johnny as she steps up to Testament with a giddy smile plastered on her face. “You’re in luck! I happen to be a patron of a very fine little boutique in the artist district. If you need something fitting for the illustrious La Cuillère D'or , you will find it there.”
“Perfect!” Testament says. “June will join us while we look for something for May.”
“Woah, hold up!” May interjects as she holds a hand up at June. “Tess and I will be just fine by ourselves. We don’t need your help June.”
“May,” June says sweetly as she gives the brunette a gentle smile and places a hand on her shoulder. She leans in close and whispers to May as her finger dig into her shoulder,
“If you say one more thing about my dresses or my fashion tastes, I will tie you up, cover you in chum, and cast you out into the middle of the ocean. This is my chance to show off to Testament and you will not take that away from me.”
June pulls back and gives May a bright, beaming smile as she cheerfully chirps, “Understood?”
May shakes her head up and down as beads of terror sweat run down her brow. “Y-yes ma’am.”
June lets go of May and slaps her on her sore shoulder. “Wonderful! Oh you are going to love this place, I assure you!”
The coach ride to the artist’s district was the most nerve wracking ride May has ever had in her life; every time she opened her mouth or even looked at Testament, June shot her a death glare that sealed her lips shut; between staring down a pissed off June or a hungry gear, May would jump right into the gear’s mouth in a heartbeat. Now that she’s out of that horribly cramped coach cabin, she can finally let out that breath she has been holding onto.
“Welcome everyone,” June says as she makes a grand, sweeping hand wave, “to Suzette’s!”
May and Testament look up at the building before them; the little wooden house is sandwiched uncomfortably between two brightly painted buildings (a brick and mortar cafe and an art studio), who’s many patrons walk past the little house without so much as glancing at it. The front of the house is almost completely covered in a sheet of flowering ivy, save for two large stained glass windows depicting people dancing in fields of flowers that flank the door. If June hadn’t said this was the place, May honestly would have thought it was abandoned.
June hops up the wooden porch steps and knocks three times on the door; nothing happens for a few seconds, but then with a loud creak the door swings inward. June pushes the door further in and waves at the others to follow as she disappears into the inky void. May and Testament share a look of concern before Testament takes the plunge, stepping up to the entryway and stepping into the darkness. May bounds up the steps and stops before the doorway, unable to see anything past the darkness; she hesitates momentarily as she stares into the void, but a hand reaches out for her and pulls her in.
As she crosses the threshold and opens her eyes, May’s surprised to find that the interior is comparatively normal to the outside; to either side of her are well lit rooms with dozens of dresses, suits, and other clothes lined up on racks that go up all the way to the ceiling. In the foyer is a small receptionist desk next to a staircase where June is hugging a tall, stocky woman with braided red hair in a blue, pattern dress with swirling pink and white flower petals along its hem. The woman sees her and gives her a warm, welcoming smile that immediately imbibes her with a sense of comfort and security.
“You must be May!” the woman says in a cheery singsong. “My name is Suzette Lambert. June has explained everything to me; you need a dress for your date tomorrow night, correct?”
May’s eyes grow wide as that last word hits her like a freight train. “Nononononono, it’s not a date! I’m just having dinner with my best friend; totally not a date.”
“Oh, my apologies for assuming. You are truly blessed to spend Valentine’s Day with your best friend.”
“Valentine’s Day?” May blinks as this new information takes a moment to process. She snaps her head to Testament and nearly shouts, “Wait, tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day???”
Testament cocks an eyebrow at the flustered brunette. “Yes? I thought you knew.”
May is taken aback by this revelation; her dinner with Bridget is on Valentine’s Day!? Do people just hang out at fancy restaurants with their friends on Valentine’s Day? If not, then does that mean it is a date? Did Bridget ask her out on a date???
As May spirals further into her rabbit hole, Suzette gives the others a worried look. “Is she alright?”
“She’ll be fine,” Testament says nonchalantly as they wave their hand. “Do you have dressing rooms available?”
“Of course! You can find them in the back; if you get lost, there are signs posted around the house to direct you. If you have any other questions or require my assistance, just shout and I will be right with you.”
“Thank you very much, Ms. Lambert.”
“Oh please, don’t be so formal; you can just call me Suzette.”
“Very well; thank you Suzette. Come along, May,” Testament says as they grab the girl as she continues to mutter to herself, “let’s try on some dresses.”
The trio move into the room to the left of the entrance, whose walls are painted a brilliant orange and lined with dresses of various styles and colors. The garments are arranged in a rainbow gradient with similar dress styles paired together and separated by clearly marked labels (that also list the prices, which aren’t terribly expensive). As June puts an orange a-line dress up against May’s chest, the dazed brunette finally snaps out of her funk and shoots the duo a confused look.
“What are you guys doing?”
“Trying to find something that looks good on you, silly,” June answers as she pulls up May’s chin and puts an orange dress with a short, fluffy skirt up to her. “Tess, what do you think of this?”
Testament tears themself away from a rack of maxi dresses they were browsing and looks over May carefully. “Hmmm, the skirt is a little too short. Let’s have her try this one on.” They take a red gown from the rack and put it up to May. “It’s a little long, but with the right heels I think she can pull it off.”
“Oh yes! And I absolutely adore this shade of red! You have an exquisite eye for colors.”
“Why thank you June, I appreciate that. It’s nice to go out shopping with someone who’s tastes are so refined.”
“Oh my,” June says giddily as a blush dusts her cheeks, “well thank you Tess! While I do have a slight talent with dressmaking and matching colors, I barely come close to your expertise . You are a true genius when it comes to fashion!”
“You give me too much credit. Anyway, we have a good number to start with here; we’ll try these and see how she looks.”
June nods and grabs a hold of May’s wrist, clenching down on it with a vice-like grip and dragging the poor girl behind her as the trio navigate through the house. Like Suzette told them earlier, there are signs posted everywhere pointing out not only the direction to the dressing room, but other rooms as well; there’s one dedicated to weddings, another for funerals, one for evening wear and lingerie, business attire, swimwear- how many rooms are in this house? Before May can ask, June stops dead in her tracks to say they made it.
The changing room area is shorter than the previous rooms but much longer, with a row of fifteen booths with red, velvet curtains across them lining the back wall. Each dressing room has three mirrors in front of it, aligned in such a way that you can see multiple sides of yourself at once, and a long row of silver benches between them. June slings May in front of one of the booths and dumps all the clothes into her arms before shoving her into one of the booths.
“Now then,” June shouts as she draws the curtain closed behind May, “put on a dress then come out so we can see how you look. And don’t just toss them in a heap on the seat, hang them up on the wall hooks or I swear I will-”
“I know, I know. Just give me a minute to put this on.” As May hangs up the clothes and starts to undress, the little nagging thought she was wrestling with earlier starts gnawing at her again. Although she’d rather not ask, she makes the decision to ask Testament and June for their opinion. “So do you guys think this is a date?”
“What?”
“The dinner, do you think it’s a date?”
Testament and June share a confused look before Testament speaks up. “Did Bridget say it was a date?”
“Well no, not really.”
“Then it’s not a date.”
“Oh,” May answers back slightly disappointed.
“Did you want it to be a date?”
“No! I mean, I wouldn’t be opposed to it, but I don’t think she even thinks of me like that. Not that I want her to like me like that, mind you; I would be totally flattered if she did, but you know only one person has my heart.”
“Bridget.” June and Testament answer in unison.
“Yes- I mean no! It’s Johnny!”
“Oh certainly,” June says with thinly veiled sarcasm, “how could we forget, what with you not mentioning him once during this whole trip. Anyway, are you done yet? It shouldn’t take you this long to get dressed.”
“Almost, just gotta zip up the- oh God, it’s got my hair! Oww-oww-oww-oww-YEAOWW!”
The room is silent for a moment before the sound of a zipper shatters the silence. The curtain pulls back and May stands there in a sleeveless, orange a-line dress with a crinoline skirt that brushes past her knees. She steps out of the booth and opens her arms out, doing a little spin in front of Testament and June before holding it out on either side.
“That looks amazing! Absolutely stupendous !” June says with unbridled glee before turning to Testament. “Doesn’t it look great on her?”
Testament holds their chin as they look May up and down. “Looks good. May, what do you think?”
May steps up to the tri mirrors, shifting her body to get a better view of her back before facing the pair with a deadpan expression.
“I look stupid.”
“What!?” June spits as she pushes herself off the wall. “I thought you loved dresses like these.”
“I do, but I just don’t like this one. It makes me look like yo-” May’s body freezes when her flight or fight response kicks in; she looks over at June and feels her stomach drop when she catches the rage brewing under her threatening glare. “I mean, I just don’t think it’s my color.”
Testament sighs. “Well I didn’t expect this to be over after trying on one dress. Let’s see how the next one looks, alright?”
May disappears back into the booth before coming out in the red maxi dress Testament picked out earlier; the dress looks perfectly fine, accentuating the curves of her hips while showing off her lats. May is feeling really confident about this one, until she takes a step out of the booth and drips on the hem of the skirt.
After taking off the dress and putting it on the ‘maybe’ hook, she proceeded to go through another half dozen dresses. Despite giving it her best, she just can’t find one that she likes; either it's too tight, too frilly, too bright, too fancy, not enough leg room, too much skin showing, not enough skin showing, or some other nitpick May finds.
Twenty minutes and about two dozen dresses later, May still can’t find anything she likes. Everyone is feeling tired, especially May, who has gotten her hair snagged in zippers at least seven times at this point.
“I’m sorry guys,” May says defeatedly as she hands the last dress to Testament, “I’m just not feeling any of these.”
“How have you not found something that you like??” June spits out. “These dresses are top of the line, straight from the greatest designers from all over the world. They are masterpieces! Your lack of taste is revolting; I knew I shouldn’t have brought you here.”
May balls up her fists as indignation roils in her belly; she’s ready to spit back a venomous comment at June when she feels a hand on her shoulder. She looks up into Testament’s gentle, understanding smile and feels some of the frustration melt away.
“Don’t be so hard on her, June; May’s trying her best.”
“Well it’s not good enough. If she can’t find something to wear, she might as well call off this not-date.”
The comment sticks in May’s stomach like a rusty rail spike; she really wants to go to this dinner with Bridget, but she just can’t force herself to wear any of the stuff they picked out for her. She usually loves dresses, and has a lot of fun wearing them too, but for some reason none of the ones she’s tried on are clicking with her. It’s like some other worldly force is trying to sabotage her date- erm, meetup with Bridget. Considering all the stuff she’s seen over the years, that might actually be the case.
“How about a tuxedo?” Testament suggests, earning stares of bewilderment from the girls. “What? If she doesn’t want to wear a dress, then maybe she’ll like a tuxedo.”
“But wouldn’t that be a social faux pas ?” June asks. “ La Cuillère D'or is steeped in tradition and refinement; they would never allow a woman in a tuxedo past the doors.”
“Perhaps, but we’re running out of options. What do you think, May; would you like to try on a tux?”
May mulls the suggestion over for a moment. “Hmm. I’m willing to give it a go, but I won’t make any promises.”
Testament gives her a smile before blinking out of the room; June and May look at each other before Testament pops back with a bundle of neatly folded clothes in their arms. They hand the clothes off to May and gently nudge her back into the dressing booth.
“Go one, try these on.”
The curtains close behind May and the pair wait outside while she puts on the suit. It takes her a while, but after a few minutes of silence the curtain draws and May walks wearing a black, double breasted tuxedo jacket with peaked labels and matching trousers. She pulls back the jacket to look at her white undershirt and black suspenders before looking up at Testament and June.
“So,” May says with a grin as she pops her lapel, “how do I look?”
“Well,” June starts as a small blush colors her cheeks, “it’s passable. What do you think Tess?”
Testament steps up to May and ties the black bow tie she neglected to tie.
“I think you look rather dashing. Could use a few adjustments here and there, but overall it looks good on you. Now the important question is; what do you think of it?”
May steps past Testament to look at herself in the mirror, admiring the handsome young woman looking back at her.
“I like it,” she says with a grin. “Makes me feel like a spy.”
“That’s wonderful, dear! June, does Suzette do alterations?”
“Of course. She can have them done by tomorrow morning.”
“Excellent! If you want we can try on a few more before you decide for certain. Then we’ll pick out some shoes and accessories, and teach you proper etiquette.”
“Wait, what?” May questions as she tears herself away from checking out her own butt in the mirror. “Why would I need that? I know how to act fancy.”
Testament blinks slowly with no emotion showing on their face. “I’m sure you do, however it doesn’t hurt to have a refresher. We’ll start as soon as we get back home; even if it takes me all night, I will have you acting like a proper lady before your not -date.”
“Fiiiiine,” May sighs as she goes back to checking herself out in the mirror, “but I’m telling you I don’t need it. Hey, you think I can stay in this until we find another suit? Just to see how it moves?”
“I think that’s good idea. Gives you some time to get used to it. June, would you mind taking us to the suits section please?”
“Anything for you Tess! You know, maybe we should consider a vest?”
“Oh that’s a wonderful idea! I was thinking the same thing, but I felt suspenders might be a better fit for her.”
As the two fashion nerds go off on another tangent about the pros and cons of a three piece suit, May looks at herself in the mirror one last time. As she’s checking out how she looks with the jacket off, a little thought wiggles inside her brain; ‘I wonder if Bridget will like this?’