Chapter Text
When Gon leans back from Mito’s warm embrace, he sees tears forming at the edges of her eyes. “Aunt Mito, you don’t need to cry everytime.” he teases, poking out his tongue. It earns him a light chuckle. “Plus I’ll be with Ging this time so you know I’ll be safe!” It took months of constant pestering but Ging owed Gon a lot, and the promise of travel and training was the least he could do.
Mito looks between Gon and Ging. She turns back to Gon and gives him an exasperated look. “If anything, that’ll put you in more danger.” she says, ruffling the spikes on Gon’s head. “Hurry it up you two!” Ging exclaims, walking down the hill their house sits on. Mito leans down and places a gentle kiss to the top of Gon’s head. “Take care of him will you?” and Gon’s eyes shone with her approval. He interlocks his pinky with hers. “I promise.” he says uncharacteristically seriously before smiling and making his way down to meet his father.
“Bye Aunt Mito!!! I’ll see you soon!! I’ll write to you everyday!!” he calls back before disappearing down the dirt path to the docks.
Gon is 16 and he’s ready to start a new adventure.
--
Dear Aunt Mito,
I thought you were joking when you asked me to take care of Ging. Did you know he only showers once a week? He smells soooooo bad. But I’m learning a lot from him. He knows a lot about artifacts and old things! Last week we explored some ancient ruins with some friends of his. It was fun but it made me remember how much I miss Leorio and Kurapika and Killua. Especially Killua. I think of him a lot… I think about you a lot too, don’t worry!!
Traveling all over has been really cool but it feels like something isn’t right. I thought I would learn a lot from Ging and I am but I don’t think he can really teach me about the important stuff. I think in the next few months I’m going to start traveling on my own. I don’t know what I’m going to do yet but we’re near Jappon which is where I think Hanzo lives! Maybe I’ll go train with him next! Wherever I am, I’ll make sure to send you a letter. I hope you’re doing well! I miss you!!
Love,
Gon
Traveling with Ging is the most challenging thing Gon decides to do. He’s used to traveling, but nothing prepares him for the training Ging had bestows upon him. Early mornings consist of Nen training, often trying to shape his Nen into various objects, focusing on fluctuating the power in his JaJanKen, and pushing himself to his natural limits until he feels like he’s going to collapse. During the days, it’s a mix between training his physical body and traveling-- usually at the same time. This kind of training ritually puts Gon to bed at around 9:30. However, midnight wake up calls to make sure he is prepared makes him a light sleeper over time.
However much the physical strain on his body, the views he sees with Ging are beyond measure. From mountain peaks, to dense forest floors, Gon sees sights that a picture just can’t capture, though he does get a few pictures. His smile illuminates every picture he sends home to Mito and to Leorio. But when night befalls the pair, Gon grows quiet and contemplative, if not a little sad.
If Ging was a better father, he’d ask his son what’s wrong. And if Ging had asked, Gon would reply “All of this is so amazing but I miss my friends. I miss them so much.” and Ging would sigh, all too knowing that Killua was the one Gon missed the most. Ging would know that Gon could always go back to Leorio and be greeted with open arms. Ging knows that Kurapika would always forgive Gon. But Killua was an unknown, a painful one at that. Ging would place a gentle hand on Gon’s shoulder. “Do you remember what I told you at the World Tree?” Ging would say “About how when I opened the tomb, the best part wasn’t the tomb itself but looking back at all the people I worked with and seeing their faces? How the secret of the tomb was nothing compared to the relationships I built?” and Gon would nod understandingly. “That’s how I feel about Leorio and Kurapika and Killua. I want to do everything with them. I want to show them the world…” Gon would trail off, tears burning at the back of his eyes.
“And you will.” Ging would say. “You will when you’re all ready. If that’s what you want you have to fight for it. You have to go after what you want and you have to get stronger to achieve that.” And Gon’s tears would flow down his cheeks and he'd rub at them with the back of his arms. “I will.” he’d promise. He’d interlink his pinky with Ging’s and promise it not only to his dad but to himself as well. And one day he’d promise it to the group too.
But Ging wasn’t a better father, so the words went unsaid.
--
“Gon.” a sweet and hollow voice had chimed out. Killua froze in place from where he was bent over his bag. “What?” he asks, not daring to turn around. “Gooooon~” Nanika sings, a smile creeping over her pale features. “Wanna see Gon!” she exclaims, bouncing up and down from where she sits on her bed.
Heat creeps up slowly from the back of his neck. He turns around and frowns at his sister. “I-I don’t think Gon’s here.” he says gently, afraid to upset her. She looks at him in silence for a few seconds before speaking. “We go.” she huffs out simply. Killua blinks at her incredulously. “We go?” he repeats. “We go find Gon.” she replies, getting a bit worked up. “We go find Gon!” she continues a bit louder and Killua rushes over and sits down next to her, grabbing her hand. “Nanika I…” he trails. “I want to see Gon too.” and Killua does. He wants to see Gon with the same want that settled in his stomach when they made their plans on Whale Island. “But we can’t see him yet.” Killua adds, sorrow filling his voice.
Nanika frowns “We go find Gon?” she asks, her voice quavering. Killua squeezes her hand tighter. “I’m sorry Nanika.” he said quietly and he started hearing his sister cry. “Wanna see Gon.” she sniffles. “Me too.” he chokes out feeling tears start to form in his own eyes.
--
Dear Aunt Mito,
Training with Hanzo is soooo much more difficult than training with Ging! With Hanzo it’s all about patience and control.... I guess I’m learning I never really had those haha. He had me meditate for three weeks straight before we even actually trained!! He said I had a storm inside of me that I needed to learn to quell. I don’t really know what he’s talking about but I do feel a lot better! Having time every morning to clear my head has been really nice. I think about you a lot when I meditate. I think about Kurapika and Leorio too. But I think about Killua the most. I think I really hurt him, Aunt Mito. I think I hurt him and I think I pushed him away. I hope one day I can tell him I’m sorry again. I hope one day he can believe me when I say it. I miss you.
Love,
Gon
“You seem quieter than when you first came here.” Hanzo says, opening his eyes from where he sits cross legged in front of Gon. Gon opens his eyes slowly and offers Hanzo a small smile. “You think so?” he asks and Hanzo replies with a nod. “At least everything you do seems more...deliberate.” he continues on. “You used to be blindly courageous, so much so it was to your disadvantage and had it been allowed, I would have killed you because of it.” he says, calling back to the final round of the hunter exam.
Gon rubs at the back of his head sheepishly at the thought. “Yeah I guess I didn’t give things much thought. Just acted on instinct huh?” Hanzo laughs. “Good instincts are a great thing to have! I’m sure they’ve saved your life many times. But you have a good brain too. That can be an equally deadly weapon.” he said and Gon thinks he understands. “I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore though. I don’t want my mind to be deadly.” Gon had a deadly mind before. Gon had a mind that almost killed him. “I want…. I want my mind to be kind.” he says, looking pointedly at the ground. “Then you must be kind to it in return.” Hanzo says as he closes his eyes and goes back to meditation.
Gon thinks about that and closes his eyes too.
--
Dear Aunt Mito,
I’m traveling on my own again. It’s kind of lonely but in a good way! It’s nice being able to be alone with my thoughts sometimes. I thought it’d be boring but I actually have a lot to think about haha. I know when I traveled with Killua we mainly did what I wanted and that’s nice but it’s also good only having to worry about myself. Not that I was ever really worried about Killua. I wanted to make sure I wrote to you as soon as I got to Narfur. I know it’s been a while since my last letter but most of my time was spent out in the forest. There’s something about the trees outside of Jappon that reminds me of Whale Island. Ever since I’ve started meditating, I’ve found myself spending my days and nights among the trees. It’s peaceful in the forest. Cities are nice but the forest feels like home. I miss home a lot. I promise I’ll visit by the end of the year! When I do visit you’ll see how much I’ve grown! You might want to start working on some new outfits, my clothes are getting a little short :P. I miss you and I’ll see you soon!
Love,
Gon
Gon wakes up before the sun. He sits in front of his hotel window and meditates as the sun rises before him. He feels his mind clear and his energy comes to him in full strength. He’s got nothing specific planned for today other than to explore the city of Narfur. He makes his way out of his hotel and to a small bakery for breakfast. “You’re our first customer of the day.” The woman at the register says cheerfully. She seems to have as much energy as Gon. “There’s something so special about seeing the sunrise!” he says as he’s handed his pastry. “I completely agree!” the woman says. “I just wish my partner felt the same way.” she chuckles.
As if on cue, her partner walks towards her and gives her a peck on the cheek. “I may not like getting up early but as long as I get to wake up next to you, I’ll be happy.” she says as she goes to fill one of the display cases with freshly baked croissants. Gon feels a pang of want in his chest before he orders. He sees the way the two women interact together, and thinks it must be nice to be in love. Gon has dated various people in his time but love was different. Love was one person, not many. He’s so lost in thoughts he doesn’t hear the woman at the counter call for him. He apologizes sheepishly, takes his herbal tea, and bids the two farewell.
As he makes his way through the town, he thinks of the bakery owners. He thinks of how it would be nice to have someone there, someone to wake up to. Waking up to Mito was warm and invigorating. Waking up to Ging was horrifying and prepared him for anything. Waking up to Hanzo was concise and fundamental. None of them had given him the same feelings that those women had though. Only one face pops into his head when he thinks of someone he wants to wake up to. He thinks of delicate features and pale skin. He thinks of long eyelashes and bedhead. He thinks of snoring and the light catching just the perfect angle to make his heart catch in his throat.
He thinks of Killua and where he might be waking up.
--
Gon returns home when the snow starts to fall. Living on a coastal island his entire life, Gon’s never favored the snow and decides the end of his 17th year is better spent at home with Mito and Abe. He brings them small treasures from his travels. Relishes them with stories from across the world. He cooks and cleans, helps Mito around the house in the mornings after his meditation. In the afternoons he visits his old stomping grounds, fishes for that night's dinner. In the evening, he calls to check in on old friends, though he still barely knows how to use his cell phone. It’s an easy routine, but only because he knows it’s temporary. He knows he’ll be heading back out soon-- he’s just not sure where.
Mito hands him a letter. “This came in the mail today.” she says, gently handing over the letter to Gon. Gon knows that chicken scratch of penmanship anywhere. “It’s from Killua!” He yells as he rips open the envelope, tearing the letter a little.
Gon,
I really hope I have the right address. It’s been a while since I’ve been to Whale Island so if this doesn’t get to you, I’m sorry but it’s not like you’d know anyways. Alluka and I have been traveling a lot. Right now we’re in Yorknew City staying with Leorio for the holidays. It’s been nice to stay in one place for a while even if Leorio is as crotchety as ever. Plus, it’s good to get Alluka her medication. They actually get along really well which is totally irritating! I mean, I’m her brother!! And she always sides with him!! Whatever, we’ll be leaving on the second of the year anyways. I’m… I’m sorry I can’t contact you more. We’re still worried about Illumi trying to come after us and bring us home. If you want to send us letters, just send them to Leorio and we’ll get them eventually. I hope you’re doing well. Alluka misses you a lot…. I guess I do too. Merry Christmas, Gon.
Killua & Alluka
Gon reads and rereads the letter over and over again. This is the first contact he’s gotten from Killua in a long time. He focuses on the I guess I do too, hastily scratched out in fading pen ink. He traces over the letters with his finger that night. Somehow, this singular letter cuts the distance between Killua and himself in half. He wants to be closer but he respects Killua’s boundaries. He also respects his own emotional strength and knows that he needs to learn to love himself fully before he can go back to Killua and Alluka.
So he waits. When the second of the new year passes, he stays on Whale Island and places a marker on his favorite tree, wishing Killua and Alluka safe travels in the coming year. He’s growing restless here though. Time passes by and Gon feels an ache in his bones that says it's time to move.
He gets a call from Leorio that sets him in a new direction.
“Gon, I need to ask you a huge favor.” Leorio starts. “Anything.” Gon responds, assuredly. “I’m assembling a team to try and bring Kurapika back. From what I’ve heard, he’s defeated the spiders. I know where he’s at but I can’t do it alone. I know this is a lot to ask of you but I think you of anyone else would know how I feel.”
And Gon does know how he feels. Knows it as he knows the trails cutting through Whale Island. So he sets out to York New City to meet with Leorio. He has a mission, a goal, something to work towards: retrieving Kurapika. Bringing his friend home.
--
Dear Aunt Mito,
After six months of preparation, we’re finally setting out on our mission to bring back Kurapika. You won’t hear from me probably for a while but I pinky promise to write to you as soon as I can. In all honesty, I’m scared. I’m scared that I’ll fail like I did before. I’m scared I’d give up anything to get Kurapika back, because I know I would. I think going with Leorio will help. I think he’ll help me stay in control. We’re also going in with a team of back up so I’m sure it’ll be okay. Still….. I worry I haven’t changed. I guess I won’t find out until the time comes. I promise that no matter what happens, I’ll come back to you.
Love,
Gon
“Leorio?” Gon asks one night as they camp in the woods that surround the house the Nostrade family owns. Where Kurapika will be in 2 days. “What’s up Gon?” Leorio replies, absentmindedly reading over a pornographic magazine. Gon fidgets and sits up from where he’s lying beneath a tree. “What happens if we fail?”
“We try again.” Leorio responds simply. “But what if we always fail? What if we’re never strong enough to save Kurapika? And what if it’s all our fault and Kurapika never comes back and he stays gone forever and-” Gon starts frantically. Leorio puts his magazine down while Gon rambles and places a hand on his shoulder. Gon is too young and has gone through too much.
“Gon” Leorio starts “This isn’t about Kurapika is it?” he asks knowingly. “It is!!” Gon pleads, desperation filling his voice. “But it’s also about Kite right?” Gon waits a moment then nods. “What happened in East Gortuea wasn’t your fault. What happened to Kite wasn’t your fault.” Leorio says assuredly. He sees Gon’s eyes glimmer in the dim firelight. “But I wasn’t str---”
“Strong enough? Gon, you were thirteen. You were a child. You still are. I know you want to bear the burden so no one else has to but that’s how you destroyed yourself last time. It’s not fair to you or to others for you to take sole responsibility for everyone else’s well-being. Take it from someone who knows, who’s lost a lot of people. If you take the blame for that, you’re only going to self-destruct.”
Gon stifles quiet sobs so Leorio continues. “I know…. I know you don’t value your own life as much as you value others. I know it’s hard for you to see your own worth sometimes. But you do have worth, Gon. Your life means something even if you can’t see it. Your life means everything to me, and Killua, and Kurapika, and Alluka, and Aunt Mito, and like half the entire Hunter organization.” Leorio pulls Gon close to his chest, though it’s a bit awkward since Gon has skyrocketed from the little kid he used to be into a gangly teenager, not sure what to do with his limbs.
“You mean something to so many people the same way those people mean something to you. Even if you don’t think you’re strong enough. Even if you can’t save everyone. You’re important and your life has meaning.” Leorio lets Gon calm down for a while. “And if we don’t bring Kurapika back this time then we get stronger and try again. But we don’t sacrifice ourselves to do that, okay?” Gon nods. Leorio sticks out his pinky. “Swear it.” he says and Gon loops his pinky around Leorio’s. “I swear.”
If Gon notices the way Leorio’s hand was shaking as they pinky swore, he never mentions it.
--
“Hey Leorio it’s me…” Killua starts after he’s met with a robotic message and a beep. “I was just uhhh calling to you know… see how the mission is going. I’m uhhhh I’m sorry I couldn’t go with you but I was worried about Alluka’s safety you know?? I guess you can’t really update me until you get back so uhhh just give me a call back when you can…. And um…. Make sure he’s okay…. Alright, bye.”
He leaves the voicemail on Leorio’s phone the night of the infiltration. He knows he shouldn’t expect an answer at least for another week or two but he can’t help but be worried. He quietly opens the door to return to his hotel room, doing his best not to wake Alluka up. Unfortunately, he fails and he hears stirring coming from the closest bed. “Big brother?” Alluka sleepily calls out.
“Hey. I’m sorry I woke you.” he says, walking over to her and placing a gentle hand on her head. “What’s wrong?” she asks scooting inward so her brother can sit. There’s a long pause before Killua says softly “It’s nothing. Go back to bed.” He gives her hair one more ruffle before settling down in his own bed, his back towards her.
“I’m not going to make you tell me if you don’t want to.” Alluka says, letting out a big yawn. “But no one is going to know what you’re thinking if you don’t tell them.” she says and quickly falls back into her slumber.
Killua doesn’t sleep that night. Or the night after.
--
Kurapika,
First of all, where do you get off? Do you know how many times I’ve tried to call you? A lot of shit went down when you weren’t here. And you were fucking around with THE MAFIA? Not to mention the Spiders. Are you insane? I mean you must be. You know while you were fighting the troupe and working for the mafia I took a course in Psychology and BOY DO I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU BUDDY. I mean, do you even KNOW the symptoms you have? Let alone the actual disorders! And don’t get me started on the UNHEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS!!! Just because you can take care of yourself physically, doesn’t mean you don’t have a plethora of issues. While you’ve been off doing whatever it is you do, the rest of us have been dealing with A TON. Gon and Killua aren’t on speaking terms and the only exchange they’re having right now is through letters that they send to MY apartment. And you know who’s going to have to take care of that when shit hits the fan? ME. BECAUSE YOU’RE OFF WITH THE FUCKING MAFIA!!!!!! And honestly, I don’t know if the letter thing even works with them but I’m at a loss at how to reach you so I might as well write my own fucking letter.
God I really cannot believe you. You know you don’t have to do this right? There are other ways to honor your clan. I don’t know what it’s like to lose everyone but I do know what it’s like to lose a loved one. It hurts. I can’t even fathom what you must be feeling but I know this isn’t a healthy way to deal with it. This isn’t who you are. Kurapika, you’re determined to a fault, you’re a stuck up jackass, you’ve got your nose so high up in the air I’m afraid you’ll break your neck. But I know you’re also the kindest person I’ve met. You genuinely care about those you love and you’re not afraid to stand up for what you believe in. I’ve thought that about you since the Hunter Exam. I think you were the first person who ever called me on my shit and I admire that about you even if it’s a pain. I don’t know when you got it in your head that you had to avenge your clan alone but that’s not the case. We’re all here for you. I’m here for you. I want you to rely on others. I want you to rely on me. I’m always here for you, Kurapika. I always will be. Please come home. I miss you.
Leorio
“I’m not going to drag you out of here kicking and screaming” Leorio says, fists clenched at his side. “But you should read this before you make a final decision.” he hands Kurapika the letter. It’s old and a bit crinkled from how long Leorio has carried it in his breast pocket in the hopes of one day handing it to its intended audience. Kurapika begins to read it and gets one sentence in before beginning to argue. “Just read it all.” Leorio cuts him off.
So Kurapika reads it. And then he rereads it. Then he turns the paper over to make sure there’s nothing on the back. They must have been in there, this lavishly furnished room, for half an hour. “Leorio I--” Kurapika starts but the words catch in his throat. It’s silence between them again. Leorio could tell Kurapika that Gon almost died. That Killua’s sister is some sort of magic being capable of granting wishes and healed Gon fully. That the world almost got overtaken by the Ants. He could tell Kurapika that he almost got elected as the Chairman of the Hunter’s Association. But it wouldn’t change anything, so he doesn’t. But he does tell him one thing:
“I won’t drag you out of here but I will come after you again. Gon will too. We won’t stop trying to bring you back. We are ALWAYS going to come after you because you’re someone important to us. We will always find you and ask you to come home because we love you.” Leorio says, his voice cracking on the last sentence. There’s silence again and then the sound of rapidly approaching footsteps. Then, without warning, there’s strong arms wrapped around Leorio’s body and tears staining his shirt.
Leorio can feel his own tears overspilling and wraps his arms around Kurapika like he’ll never let him go again. It takes a while but when they’ve both calmed down, Kurapika sniffles and says “Let’s go.” and that’s all the answer Leorio needs.
--
Killua’s phone rings around 5 PM on a Wednesday and he’s sure it couldn’t be anyone else “Leorio!” he rushes to answer despite being in a store with Alluka. “Hey Killua, I’m returning your--” “Is Kurapika back? Is he okay? Do you have to go after him again?” The words fall out of Killua’s mouth in a frantic tone before he can even think to compose himself. Alluka gives him a strange look and he clears his throat, quickly regaining what little composure he has. He can hear Leorio’s deep laugh on the other end. “Kurapika is back. He’s okay, embarrassed mostly but he’s fine.” Killua feels something swell up inside of him. “Good, I’m glad.” he says and then there’s static.
Just as Killua has worked up the nerve to ask, Leorio is already answering him. “Gon is fine too. He took out a couple Mafia members on the way in but they really had it coming.” he says nonchalantly. “You wouldn’t believe what he’s capable of now. Well maybe you would.” Leorio laughs again. Killua feels some of the tension ease out of him. “He didn’t--” Killua cuts himself before he can ask. “Try and kill himself?” Leorio offers a bit too bluntly for Killua’s taste. “No. He didn’t. He’s trying to change you know? Between you and me, I think he really hated himself back then. Doesn’t excuse what he did but he’s trying to make amends.”
Killua feels something other than relief creep around his chest and Alluka can tell from the look in his eyes. She quickly takes the phone from Killua and her sweet voice chimes through the speaker. “Hi Leorio! Did your big, top-secret mission go well?” she sing-songs. Leorio hums in response. “It did! I haven’t told Kurapika about you yet but I’m sure he’d love to meet you. You’re still coming for Christmas, right?” he asks and Alluka hums. A distant voice is heard that Alluka recognizes as Gon’s telling him that dinner is ready. “That’s great! Look I’ve got to run but tell Killua that everything is good over here. I’ll try and have Kurapika reach out to him when he’s ready. Take care of yourself, okay Alluka?”
“Okay!! Tell Gon-nii I said hello! Bye Leorio!” Alluka hangs up the phone and hands it back to Killua. He stares at her incredulously. “You heard Gon?” he asks, gripping the phone in his hand. She nods. “Does he sound okay?” he asks, embarrassedly. “His voice has gotten deeper and apparently he made dinner. You’d know that if you called him.” she says, and flutters off to check out.
Killua can’t help but feel like his worry is a little misplaced.
--
Dear Killua,
I’ve been thinking about what to put in this letter for a long time and to be honest with you, I’m still not 100% sure. I should start with I’m sorry. I’m sorry for trying to do that to myself and I’m so sorry I put you through that. What I did was unacceptable. I’m realizing now that I did it because I hated myself because I wasn’t strong enough to save Kite. I wanted to die because I felt like if I couldn’t save everyone then I wasn’t worthy of being alive. That doesn’t make it right and it doesn’t make what I put you through okay and from the bottom of my heart, I am sorry. You are my best friend and I never ever wanted to hurt you the way I did.
I want you to know that I’m trying to be better. I want to be better for you and Alluka and Kurapika and Leorio and Mito and for everyone but I think most importantly, I want to be better for myself. I don’t ever want to feel that way again so I’m going to do better. I want you to know that I really am trying. I’ve been traveling and training and trying to grow. I feel like I’m starting to better understand myself each day. It’s hard. It’s really really hard to face those dark parts of you. I’m sure you understand better than anyone. But you deserve a friend who can move past those dark parts. You and Alluka deserve the world. I hope I can help you both see it without sacrificing you or myself in the process.
What I did to myself and you was not okay. I realize that now. You don’t have to forgive me. It’s okay if you need time and space away from me. It’s okay if you don't forgive me at all. I wouldn’t hold that against you. I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry and that I’m going to do right by everyone. Thank you for being my best friend Killua. I hope we can see each other again.
Love,
Gon
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay here?” Leorio says over family dinner. “I mean Heaven’s Arena is just on the other side of town, you know you’re always welcome here.” Kurapika is looking between the two with a placated expression. “I’m sure!” Gon says shortly with a sweet smile across his face. “Besides, I’ll have an entire floor to myself when I become a floor master. It’s not like it’ll be very hard.” Gon laughs out. Over the years, he’s bulked up and trained with nearly everyone he knows. He’s made a name for himself in the professional hunter circles and entertained any opponent that challenged him during his time on the road.
Kurapika and Leorio laugh along with him. “Well if it’s alright with you, I’d still like to cook for you at least once a week.” Kurapika chimes in and Gon nods enthusiastically. “Kurapika, your food is soooo good. I don't know how I could go without it!!! Especially when you cook traditional Kurta dishes.”
Kurapika feels a warm feeling in his chest. His eyes soften. His clan may never be able to be replaced but family isn’t always about a last name.
“What about every Sunday? You could come over and I’ll make traditional Kurta food and we can all eat together.” Kurapika suggests.
“I’d love that!” Gon says. Gon extends his pinky over the table. “I will never miss family dinners.” he says, smiling earnestly.
It’s a bit awkward but they make the three-way pinky promise work.
--
Dear Aunt Mito,
I’ve become a floor master!! Basically that means I’m one of the best fighters here! I’ve got a whole floor to myself!! I thought it’d be really lonely up here but Zushi is here too!! Did you know he’s the youngest floor master of all time!! Sooo cool!!!! He and I hang out a lot which is really nice!! I also go over to Leorio and Kurapika’s for family dinner every week. I have a fight coming up this week against a really impressive fighter!! I hope I do well haha. Most of my fights have been pretty easy but this one actually gives me an excited nervous feeling. I promise to win though!! I hope you’re doing well!! Now that I'm a little more stationary, you can send letters to the address listed below! I’d love to hear from you!!
Love,
Gon
Gon spends the better part of two years at Heaven’s Arena. He visits home during the holidays and breaks and Mito even comes to visit him once in the spring. She doesn’t watch his fights “You'll give me a heart attack, Gon!” but she does meet Leorio and Kurapika and thanks them for taking care of her beloved son. Leorio and Kurapika never tell her what happened in East Gorteua or its aftermath. They decide that the little Gon has told her is more than enough.
Gon sets the goal for himself that once he’s beaten as a floor master, he’ll retire and start traveling again. In his deep self reflection he realizes that roots are important but so is growing beyond them. He’s not meant to stay in one place for too long, not when there’s so much left to learn.
The day doesn’t come where he’s beaten but, someone does come very close. Her name is Humi, a transmuter who specializes in defensive fighting and whose nen acts as a shield and barrier. When Gon’s initial jajanken can’t even put a crack in it, he remembers the thrill of fighting an opponent that’s diametrically opposed to him.
He does eventually retire from Heaven’s Arena but Humi is hard pressed to let Gon leave on his own. She’s probably the most stubborn person Gon knows and he can see the irony in the situation. So Gon takes her on as his student. Since he feels like he’s apexed, he figures he might as well start working towards his second star. They set out together a few days after Gon’s 20th birthday.
--
Killua is alone, packing books into boxes in Leorio’s study when a letter flutters to the ground as gently as the snow falls outside. He picks it up, paying it no mind until he sees rounded letters spelling out his name. His curiosity is peaked so contorts a single fingernail into a sharp point and cleanly tears open the top of the envelope.
Dear Killua, it starts and Killua’s stomach drops. He reads the first few lines before he has to take a break and sit down. Sure there’s been second hand hellos, Christmas and Birthday notes, and stories exchanged of Gon over the years but nothing like this. Nothing so direct. Nothing so raw.
He starts the letter again and feels the weight of the world bare down on his shoulders. I should start with I’m sorry. I’m sorry for trying to do that to myself and I’m so sorry I put you through that. What I did was unacceptable. He remembers everything from that battle. It plays behind his eyes every night. He knows how many steps it took to get Gon back, knows how many times he had to restart his best friend’s heart. Does Gon know? He thinks. He must.
You don’t have to forgive me, it’s okay if you don’t. Killua thinks Gon’s a fool. Even now, even with years and miles between them, he would always forgive Gon. He knows his hands aren’t clean in this mess. Knows that he had a part in Gon’s destruction. Knows that he’s forgiven himself for his faults and that Gon deserves the same forgiveness.
His hands are shaking and he’s so focused he doesn’t hear Kurapika come in behind. Thank you for being my best friend Killua. I hope we can see each other again. Killua manages to keep his composure until the very last lines and when he reads the sign off, Love, Gon, he breaks down. He’s not aware of Kurapika’s presence until he feels a gentle hand on his shoulder. They wade in the silence for a while, Killua unable to compose himself and Kurapika unable to decipher what’s wrong.
When Kurapika walks in front of Killua he can see the note grasped in his hands. He had stumbled across the note a week after Gon had left and let his curiosity get the better of him. He read over the letter then politely slipped it back in an envelope and stored it somewhere in Leorio’s bookcase and promptly forgot about it. “Killua…” Kurapika’s voice comes out as gentle as his touch.
“I just really really miss him okay? I’ve missed him since the day we left World Tree and he’s had these grand realizations and I’m glad he’s apologized and he’s figuring things out but I miss him so much.” Killua starts sobbing again. “I wanted to be with him when he said it. I wanted to be the person to make him realize. I wanted to hug him when the words came into his brain and I wanted to tell him I forgive him. I wanted to tell him I’m sorry too. That I should’ve told him how I felt. That I should have asked what he meant. I should’ve never thought a lover’s suicide was the way to do things and I should have never ever left him alone with Pitou. I wanted to tell him and I wanted to be with him and I wanted to hug him and I wanted to hold his hand and I wanted to tell him--” a choked sob rips from Killua’s throat and Kurapika stands and cradles Killua to his chest despite the clear height difference between the two.
It takes another pause for Killua to calm down. “I want to be with him.” he says quietly. Kurapika hums. “You know he asks about you all the time.” the blonde starts. “Everytime Leorio gets a call, he asks about you. He wants to know how you’re doing and how tall Alluka has grown. He asks if you look like you’ve been eating enough and if Alluka is getting her medication. I think he wants to be with you too. I think he wants to take care of you the way you took care of him. But I think he’s scared that if he sees you again, he won’t be able to take care of himself. That he’ll fall into old habits.” Killua sniffles and wipes his eyes “But I think we all know he’s stronger than that. He’s not the same 12 year old we met at the Hunter Exam anymore. He’s grown and he’s proved himself over and over again.” Kurapika says.
“What do I do, ‘pika?” Killua hiccups. “I think you should find him.” he says and leans back to push Killua’s bangs out of his face. Despite Killua being nearly 20, he feels like a little kid at this moment. “I think you should find him and go with him and let him show you how much he’s changed.” Killua thinks it over and then thinks about Alluka and Nanika. As if he could read minds Kurapika chimes in “I think they’d be happy to see Gon too.” and Killua recalls that night in the hotel room years ago where he denied Nanika for the first time.
Killua takes a deep breath and lets himself relax. “Okay.” he says then a bit louder. “Okay. I’m going to find Gon.” he says. Kurapika smiles and takes the hand from Killua’s head and extends a pinky in front of him. “For Gon.” he says and Killua repeats as he wraps his finger around Kurapika’s. “For Gon.”
--
Dear Aunt Mito,
I’m excited to see you! I’ll be home in a month’s time. I hope you don’t mind me bringing Humi along for the holidays. She says she doesn’t really have a family to go home to so I thought it’d be nice to make her part of our family! She’s been traveling with me for nearly a year now! Don’t tell her but as much as I teach her, she teaches me too. I’ve learned that taking care of others isn’t always just recklessly protecting them. And sometimes, you have to let them protect you too. She’s gotten really strong too! Not as strong as me but strong in her own way. It’s been really rewarding watching her grow! I think maybe this is what you may have felt watching me grow up (even if I was a lot more trouble haha). I love you a lot Aunt Mito!! We’ll see you soon!!
Love,
Gon
“Hey Gon” Humi says, her voice clear. “Do you think you’ll ever be happy?” She’s looking up at the branches above them, camping out in a forest just west of Imora. Gon looks over at her curiously. “I am happy.” he says and smiles to prove his point. She rolls his eyes and punches him without holding back. Gon doesn’t flinch. “I meeeeeaaaaan….” she draws out. “Will you ever be satisfied?”
Gon turns his attention from her to the sky. “I don’t know.” he says earnestly. He’s never been one to lie. “I’ve always just done what I wanted you know? Gone where I want to go. Never gave it much thought. Even after I left home I never really had a plan. I had a purpose but never a set plan or measuring point to say I’ve attained that.” He shrugs.
“To protect Killua right? Your purpose I mean.” She says. Gon nods. “And Alluka, and Kurapika. Leorio and Aunt Mito too. I have a long list of people I want to protect.” he says and looks over to her with a genuine smile “You’re on that list now too, ya know?” he nudges her with his elbow. She flicks him in his arm. “I don’t need protecting.” And Humi is right. She doesn’t need protecting. None of the people Gon listed really need protecting other than Aunt Mito. Kurapika, Leorio, and Killua can all protect themselves and Alluka has her brother. “I know. But it’s nice to take care of someone like that, even if they don’t need it.” Humi hums and they fall into comfortable silence.
“I was this way when I was a kid too.” Gon says after some time. “I always wanted to lay my life down for others. Wanted to make sure everyone else was safe and happy and cared for. I don’t think that feeling ever really left.” He says. “What’s different then?” Humi asks.
“I want to make sure that I’m protecting myself too.” If Gon’s hair hadn’t been tied back in a short and spiky ponytail, he’d probably run his hand through it. “I wanted to die for love, you know? Always have. But I realized that love isn’t something you die for.” And Humi hums knowingly. “No, it’s something you live for.” Gon turns his head back to the stars and smiles. “Yeah. It is.”