Work Text:
Saturday, 9:00am
‘He’s here he’s here he’s here he’s-’
‘Harry! Get out the way!’ Sirius stumbled a little, his path to the front door blocked by an over excited three year old. He nudged Harry over to the side with his knee and pulled open the front door.
‘Hi Reg,’ Sirius said brightly.
‘Hey,’ Regulus stepped over the threshold and accepting the easy hug Sirius offered. ‘Hi Harry!’
Harry didn’t say anything, just clutched Sirius’ leg, peering up shyly at Regulus.
‘How’re you doing Haz?’ Regulus tried again but Harry just buried his head in the back of Sirius’ thigh.
Sirius scoffed. ‘He’s talked non-stop about you coming for the past two days.’ He craned his neck to look behind and down. ‘Why you gone all shy Haz?’ Harry just shook his head, tripping forward slightly as Sirius made towards the kitchen.
‘Hey!’ Remus looked up as they entered the room, coming over and giving Regulus a brief hug, leaving his wet hands suspended in mid-air. ‘How’re you?’
‘I’m fine,’ Regulus looked at Remus, who, in his opinion, looked awful. He had dark purple bags under his eyes and his skin looked sallow and washed out. ‘How are you?’
‘Yeh, not too bad thanks.’ Remus went back over to the sink and reached in to pull the plug. ‘Harry’s been so excited about today.’
‘So I’ve heard.’ Regulus knelt down and reached forward to give Harry a little prod. ‘Although I don’t think this is Harry. I think this is an imposter because our Harry is never this quiet.’
Harry giggled, the noise muffled and then squealed as Regulus tickled him, trying to duck out the way by squeezing through Sirius’ legs.
‘Ah-ha!’ Regulus caught him round the middle and Harry laughed louder. ‘I’ve got him!’
‘Noooooo!’ Harry tried to wriggle free but Regulus scooped him up and swung him on his hip, nuzzling his face and grinning at Harry’s giggles.
‘We going to spend the day together then, Hazzie?’
‘Yes!’ Harry kicked his legs a little and then rested his head on Regulus’ shoulder.
Regulus dropped a kiss into the mess of hair. ‘What?’ He looked over to see both Remus and Sirius smiling fondly at him.
‘Oh nothing,’ Sirius said breezily, slipping an arm around Remus’ waist and taking the weight as Remus leant against him. ‘You two are going to have a great day.’
‘Thanks so much for doing this,’ Remus added. ‘Can I go through anything with you.’
‘I know what I'm doing,’ Regulus waved him off. ‘We’re going to be absolutely fine. Aren’t we Harry?’
Harry nodded, thumb is his mouth and head snuggled into Regulus’ jumper. Regulus gave him a little jiggle. ‘Easy peasy lemon squeezy.’
‘Eedypeedylemodsqueedy,’ Harry parroted and Regulus laughed.
‘Something like that, yes.’
Saturday, 9:30am
‘Right then,’ Regulus made sure the front door was locked behind them, as per Remus’ instructions. ‘Looks like it’s just you and me. Shall we go to the playroom and pick a book to-’
‘Come to Padfoot and Moony’s room,’ Harry said, no hesitation whatsoever and grabbing Regulus’ hand, attempting to drag him towards the stairs.
‘Oh, erm,’ Regulus found himself tripping towards the stairs, Harry’s iron grip on his hand much stronger than Regulus would ever have given him credit for. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea, Haz. I don’t think your Pads and Moony would like that.’
‘I said cooommeee,’ Harry pulled harder. ‘There’s toys in the warbrobe. I see them!’
‘What?’
‘I see them! In the warbrobe.’ Harry continued to pull Regulus' arm, which he was beginning to think might actually come out of its socket.
‘Let me just - ow Harry! - Let me just text your Pads, okay?’
‘Nooooo!’ Harry let go of Regulus’ arm and prostrated himself up the first few steps.
Regulus looked on, a horrible feeling of trepidation starting a slow simmer in his stomach. He extracted his phone from his back pocket and quickly typed out a message.
To: Sirius
Harry says there are toys in your wardrobe
Is he allowed to play with them?
He waited an agonising minute, Harry still lying there, face pressed into the third stair up, totally silent and then relief flooded through him when he saw the three grey dots appear on the phone screen.
…
From: Sirius
Do NOT let him have them!!!
Those are for his birthday!
I don’t even know how he knows they’re there!
Regulus heart sunk. He shot off a quick thumbs up emoji to Sirius and took a deep breath.
‘Um, Hazzie?’
Harry just shook his head violently.
‘Okay, well I’m going to go into the living room now.’
Harry shook his head again.
‘I’m going…’ Regulus took a step back, ‘Bye, Harry.’ And he took one step into the living room, listening hard for any signs of life from just outside the door.
About 30 seconds later he heard the creaking of the stairs as Harry got himself up. Regulus, still standing just inside the door way, waited with baited breath and then Harry appeared looking up at him.
‘Blue crisps.’
‘Blue crisps?’
‘Yesth. In the kitchen.’ And off he trotted.
‘Harry, wait-‘ Regulus pulled his phone out again as he followed Harry, who was now opening the pantry door and retrieving a packet of crisps, a blue packet. He tapped opened his messages.
‘Open them.’ Harry was holding the packet up to him. Regulus looked back down at his phone and then shoved it back into his pocket. A bag of crisps wasn’t going to hurt if it kept Harry away from Sirius and Remus’ bedroom.
Saturday, 10:50am
They’d managed almost an hour. Regulus knew this because he’d checked the time about once every 2 minutes but he could tell Harry was getting bored. He’d eaten his crisps, which to Regulus’ disgust had been cheese and onion flavour, and then tried to scrunch up the bag, scattering crumbs all over the sofa. Regulus had brushed them off, hoping they’d sort of blend into the beige coloured carpet. They’d then done four different jigsaw puzzles; well, Regulus had done four different jigsaw puzzles. Harry had watched, occasionally grabbing at the pieces.
Regulus looked through the large, bay window. It was cloudy but bright, the earlier rain having eased off completely.
‘Harry? Do you want to go to the park?’
‘Yeh!’ Harry immediately got himself up on his feet.
‘Great,’ Regulus followed suit, grimacing as he knees cracked as he righted himself. ‘Right, do you need a wee?’
‘No.’
‘Are you sure? Why don’t you just try?’
‘No. My shooooooes!’
‘I’ll tell you what. You try for a wee and I’ll get your shoes and coat ready?’ But Harry had already disappeared out the door. Regulus hurried to follow him. He was actually pretty impressed to find that Harry had already manged to find his shoes.
‘On! On!’ Harry plonked himself down on the bottom stair and handed a shoe to Regulus.
Regulus knelt down. ‘Okay, but you’re sure you don’t need a wee?’ Harry didn’t deign to reply so Regulus undid the Velcro strap on the little Nike trainer, internally rolling his eyes – these had Sirius written all over them – and then started to slide it onto Harry’s foot.
‘I do it!’ Harry snatched the shoe out of Regulus’ hand and attempted to jam it on his foot. Unsuccessfully. Without thinking, Regulus reached forward to help him. This was a mistake, the look Harry gave him could have turned a lesser man to stone.
‘Okay you do it then!’ Regulus held his hands up in surrender and then proceeded to wait a very painful minute and a half while Harry didn’t put the shoe on.
Eventually his impatience won out and, ignoring Harry’s squawk of rage, Regulus took the shoe back and quickly put it on, followed by the other. ‘Let’s put your coat on shall we?’ Regulus decided it was time to man up, he wasn’t about to bested by his three-year-old nephew.
It seemed to work. Harry dutifully held out both arms and allowed Regulus to put his coat on and zip it up and then waited, singing something Regulus didn’t recognise quietly, while Regulus got himself ready.
‘Great!’ Regulus popped the collar on his wool coat. ‘Shall we go, Hare Bear?’
‘I get my pram.’
Regulus paused. ‘Uh-‘ But once again, Harry had already sped off, back into the living room. There was a clattering noise and Regulus stuck his head round the door frame to see Harry tipping a wooden dolls pram onto its side, what looked like millions of tiny things spilling onto the floor. Seemingly satisfied he started to push it back towards the door, the wheels wobbling precariously.
He looked up at Regulus expectantly. ‘The baby is sleeeeeping.’
There was no baby in the pram.
‘Where is the baby?’
‘Noooooo but it’s sleeeeeping.’ Harry rolled the pram over Regulus’ feet so he was standing directly in front of the door. ‘I ready!’
Saturday, 11:05am
‘You’re sure you want to push the pram to the park?’ Regulus checked as he locked the front door behind them. ‘And the baby is staying here sleeping?’
‘Yesth.’ Harry grinned up at him.
‘And you’re sure you’re going to push it all the way?’
‘Yesth.’
Regulus smiled.
Saturday, 11:06am
‘You push it now.’
Saturday, 11:15am
The park was empty when they arrived, Regulus carrying the pram. A wheel had smeared mud all down one side of his dry-clean only coat and he had dried mud on his fingers. He popped the pram down by the entrance to the park, giving it a surreptitious kick and feeling strangled vindicated by the action.
Harry made a bee line for the swings and Regulus jogged after him. Harry was pawing at the little puddle of water pooled in the swing seat, the sleeve of his duffle coat now sopping wet.
‘Harry,’ Regulus chastised, picking the swing up and giving it a shake to get the rest of the water off.
‘In, in!’ Harry chanted and held his arms up, bouncing on the balls of his feet.
‘Sure thing, buddy,’ Regulus picked him up, blowing a raspberry on his pudgy cheek and went to put him in the swing. Harry kicked his legs excitedly. ‘Harry, stop kicking! Ugh, no wait a second!’
‘Owwww!’ Both Harry’s legs had ended up in the same hole. ‘Stuuuuckkkk!’ He wailed, thrashing in Regulus’ grip. ‘Reggie!’
‘It’s fine! It’s fine!’ Regulus tugged him upwards, trying to free his legs.
‘My shoooe!’
‘Oh my God,’ with one last tug Harry was free, although both shoes had fallen victim and were now on the ground. Feeling hot and out of breath, Regulus finally managed to get Harry seated correctly and went round the pick up the shoes.
‘I’m not pushing you until your shoes are back on,’ Regulus told Harry, who dutifully stuck a leg straight out. The shoes went back on, no issue, and Regulus returned to behind the swing and gave a gentle push.
Harry laughed and Regulus smiled. He pushed a little harder and tickled the back of Harry’s neck, making him squeal.
‘Up!’ Harry shrieked and Regulus gave another push. ‘No, up! Up!’
‘You are going up.’
‘Up! Up!’ Harry really was going quite high now.
‘That’s high enough.’
‘Uppppppp!’ Harry shouted, throwing his body backwards and forwards alarmingly.
‘Woah! Harry!’ Regulus lurched forward to grab the back of the swing as it swung down. ‘Let’s go and do something else, yeh?’
Saturday, 11:30am
Surprisingly, Harry had agreed to get off the swing and let Regulus get him out and back on solid ground without much bother. Regulus watched in amusement as Harry took a good look around the park and eventually decided on the wobbly motorbike.
‘The seat is wet.’ Harry told him, as if Regulus wouldn’t be able to see the seat, completely covered in rainwater. He brushed the worst of the water off and then went to help Harry get on.
‘No! It’s wet!’
‘It’ll be fine, Hazzie.’
‘Nooooo!’
‘Well do you want to go on something else then?’
‘No.’
Regulus let out a frustrated breath and looked around uselessly, as if a towel might manifest in mid-air, all the while Harry whined next to him.
‘Shush, Harry.’ Regulus reached down to ruffle Harry’s hair and then with a resigned sigh started to untie his scarf. His cream, 100% cashmere scarf. He could hardly look as he wiped the seat dry, the material quickly soaking up the water along with a layer of grime. Figuring he might as well go all in he gave the handles a quick wipe too, so Harry’s hands wouldn’t slip off and then tested out the spring. It seemed pretty robust.
‘You ready?’ He asked Harry, who had already started to clamber on. Regulus helped him swing his legs round and showed him how to put his hands on the little red handle. He snapped a quick photo and sent it to Remus with the caption, Rmmmmm! Rmmmm! Just like his Pads…
‘Rmmmm, rmmmmm!’ Regulus jiggled the bike and Harry giggled madly.
‘Again!’
‘Rmmmm! Rmmmmm!’
Ten seconds later…
‘No- what are you doing?!’
‘I get off now.’
‘But- But I just dried it all for you!
‘Your scarf got wet.’
‘I know!’
‘The morning train is coming how are yooou, shooooo, shooooo!’
Saturday, 12:00pm
Regulus hated the park. He hated the swings, he hated the roundabout, he really hated the slide - which he was pretty sure had rendered his scarf unsalvageable - but most of all he hated the motorbike. Harry, however, clearly didn’t agree and had run Regulus ragged, chopping and changing every 30 seconds and generally causing chaos.
‘Off!’ Harry exclaimed, ready and willing to throw himself off the roundabout he had only just got onto ten seconds previous. Regulus quickly stuck out his foot, slowing the roundabout down and wincing as he watched the leather of his Chelsea Boot scuff at the toe. Harry hopped down and made a dash towards the slide. Regulus trailed after him, a broken man.
‘Reggie!’
‘I’m coming, Harry.’ He reached Harry and bent down ready to lift him to the top of the platform so he could slide down. He grasped Harry’s thighs. ‘You’re all wet!’
‘It’s just wee.’ Harry already had his arms outstretched to climb up.
‘What?!’
‘It’s just wee.’ Harry repeated, completely unbothered. Regulus quickly let go of his legs.
‘Oh Harry! Why didn’t you say you needed to go? Come on, we need to go home and get you changed.’
‘Slide!’
‘No, Harry. We’re going home now.’ Regulus tried to sound as firm as possible but he could see Harry was brewing for a fight. ‘You can have a Peppa Pig lolly at home,’ he added quickly.
Saturday, 1:15pm
Harry had grizzled all the way home, despite the promise of the lolly. He had point blank refused to have the bath Regulus had run for him, despite standing the bathroom and watching the tub fill up. Instead Regulus had had to strip him out of his wet trousers and wipe him down with a damp flannel and was then subjected to a long, drawn-out conversation about which pair of trousers Harry was willing to put on. He’d finally agreed to wear a pair of leggings embroidered with reindeers, even though they were clearly three inches too short on his ankles – a problem exacerbated by the fact it was now July.
And now it was time for lunch.
Regulus pulled open the fridge, taking out the plate Remus had lovingly prepared for Harry: four ham sandwiches in the shape of different dinosaurs, some cubes of cheddar, cucumber and carrot sticks with a dollop of hummus and a few olives.
‘Wow!’ Regulus exclaimed and he unwrapped the cling film covering the plate. ‘Look what your Moony made you, Haz! This looks yummy!’ He put the plate down on the table in front of Harry, who was sitting on a cushioned chair, one leg on the table. ‘Can you get your leg down please?’
Harry starred at Regulus a moment and then slowly, slowly moved his leg. He looked at the plate.
‘I don’t like olives!’
‘Harry, eat your lunch please.’
‘Nooooo!’ Harry started flicking the olives off his plate, letting them bounce onto the table, leaving oily splatter marks all over the place.
‘Harry!’ Regulus scooped the olives into a pile. ‘Don’t do that!’
‘I don’t want ham!’ Harry was now peeling the sandwiches apart and removing any trace of the ham. ‘Yuk!’
‘Harry stop it!’ Regulus pushed the plate out of his reach, watching as the triceratops’s head got mashed by a little fist.
‘I don’t want haaaaam!’
‘Ok, fine!’ Regulus almost had to shout over him. ‘Just eat the bread and butter then!’
Harry glared at Regulus and reached forward to snatch the plate back. He stuffed several cubes of cheese in his mouth, so many in fact that he could not close him mouth.
‘Harry that is disgusting.’ Regulus watched as a drop of cheesy drool dribbled down Harry’s chin. Harry grinned at him, which just made the drool situation worse.
Finally Harry managed to swallow his mouthful and proceeded to eat the hummus by swiping a finger through it and sucking it into his mouth.
‘You’re supposed to dip the carrot and cucumber in it,’ Regulus told him, demonstrating by taking a stick of cucumber and loading it up with hummus.
‘I don’t like coocumbers.’
‘That, young man, is a big fat lie.’ Regulus figured he might as well eat now and helped himself to a Diplodocus. ‘I’ve seen you eat almost a whole cucumber.’
‘No cos that’s cos I used to like coocumber.’ Harry told him, nudging the offending vegetable off his plate.
‘Harry,’ Regulus bit the head off his dinosaur, ‘You can’t just have cheese and hummus for lunch.’
‘I caaaaan.’ Harry whined. Regulus sighed. He picked up his phone, which had been lying face down on the table.
To: Sirius
Harry won’t eat any of the lunch Remus made
There was only a few seconds before the reply came through.
From: Sirius
See if he wants a banana
He put his phone back down and, figuring Sirius must know what he was talking about, swept the mess of food off the table and back onto the plate. He picked it up and went to put it down on the counter.
‘Do you want a banana, Harry?’
Harry climbed down from his chair and shuffled over as Regulus picked up the bunch of bananas and went to break one off.
‘No, that one!’ Harry pointed to a banana, which looked like all the other bananas.
‘This one?’ Regulus double checked.
‘Yesth.’
Regulus snapped it off and handed it to Harry.
‘I take the skin off.’
‘Sure.’
Harry proceeded to peel off one strip of skin and casually toss it onto the floor.
‘You put that skin in the bin.’ He told Regulus, without looking at him.
‘Right, ok then.’ Regulus muttered under his breath, bending down to pick up the skin.
‘I did it, Reggie.’ Regulus had just straightened up when Harry passed him the rest of the peel. ‘You put it in the bin.’
Regulus did and Harry took a sideways bite of the banana, put it down on the counter and waltzed out of the kitchen.
Saturday, 1:45pm
Regulus was looking forward to nap time. He was exhausted. And he had a game plan. He wasn’t taking any more of this toddler nonsense.
He’d started by bribing Harry to come upstairs, the promise of another lolly working it’s magic – he’d just make sure Harry brushed his teeth extra hard later. Then he’d talked very loudly about how tired he was from his walk to the park and how comfortable Harry’s bed looked. Harry had begun to look a little bit suspicious at this, not quite agreeing as readily as Regulus would have liked.
But now, here they were. Regulus lying on Harry’s bed, Harry lying next to him, fast asleep. Taking one last glance, Regulus slowly rolled onto his side and then sat up. He held his breath but Harry didn’t even so much as stir. Internally cheering Regulus stood up and took a step towards the bedroom door.
‘Where’re you going?’
Regulus stopped, foot raised comically in a tip-toe step. He put the foot down and turned round.
Harry was sitting bolt up-right, not looking tired in the slightest.
‘I erm, I was going to go downstairs?’
‘Lie on my bed!’
‘Right. Ok. Lie on your bed.’ Regulus said resigned to another stint of lying as still as possible.
‘No, put your head here,’ Harry smacked the mattress.
‘Can’t I put my head on the pillow?’
‘No, my head goes on the pillow. Put your head here.’ Harry pushed at Regulus’ head until it was three inches short of the pillow.
‘Ow,’ Regulus muttered under his breath, his body was bent uncomfortably, his feet dangling a couple of feet off the end of the bed. He shifted, trying to ease the pressure on his spine. ‘I’m going to sleep now.’
He closed his eyes and for about a minute there was silence. Harry wriggled for a moment and then fell still.
‘Ow!’ Something blunt and small had poked Regulus in the eye.
‘Opennnnn!’ Regulus batted away what he now realised was Harry fingers, resolutely keeping his eyes closed. ‘Reggieee!’ The fingers started to try and prise his eye lids open and Regulus now had no choice but to open his eyes.
‘No, Harry. It’s sleepy time.’ He said as firmly as possible. ‘I’m really tired so I’m going to sleep.’
‘Humph.’ Harry pouted, throwing his head back down on to his pillow so hard Regulus could have sworn he heard his brain rattle.
‘Good boy. We’ll have a little sleep and then we can play when we wake up.’ Regulus closed his eyes once more.
Harry fussed for a couple of minutes but Regulus’ resolve was as hard and steel. He didn’t open his eyes once and finally Harry seemed to have settled down. Regulus listened hard for signs that his breathing had evened out and he thought it might have. It must have been gone fifteen minutes before Regulus even thought about moving. He stretched out his legs experimentally, trying to limit the movement on the bed as much as possible. Still nothing from Harry. Success! Regulus opened his eyes. Bright green eyes starred right back at him, impossibly close.
‘Hi!’
Saturday, 2:15pm
Nap time officially abandoned they made their way back downstairs, Harry clinging onto Regulus’ back, little hands wrapped around his neck.
‘Harry, not so tight,’ Regulus wheezed, clawing at Harry’s fingers, trying to loosen their grip.
‘Piggy bank!’ Harry shrieked, now kicking Regulus hard in the side.
‘Ow- Harry!’ Regulus almost lost his footing, arm shooting out to grab the banister and almost dislodging Harry in the process. Harry grabbed at the collar of Regulus’ jumper as he slid down his back and a horrible ripping sound echoed down the stairs.
‘What-?’ Regulus half walked – half fell down the final few steps and panting slightly deposited Harry on the floor.
‘Is broken.’ Harry told him, and pointed at Regulus’ now ruined jumper without even an ounce of remorse.
‘Yes! I can see that!’ Regulus took a sideways step to look in the large mirror that hung in the hallway. It was indeed broken, the collar ripped and not by the seam where it could be easily fixed. ‘Ugh!’ Regulus looked up at the ceiling. ‘This was so expensive.’
He looked back at Harry. Who had gone.
Regulus huffed a frustrated breath and tugged the jumper off over his head and threw it at the banister where it slid off and landed on the floor in a sad, ruined pile.
‘Reggie. Reggie. Reggie. Reggie.’
‘I’m coming, Haz.’ Regulus balled his fists and then stretched out his fingers a couple of times, a self-soothing technique he’d seen online and inwardly compressed the annoyance rapidly building. Plastering a smile on his face he followed the sound on Harry’s yelling into his playroom but then couldn’t stop the smile turning more genuine as he looked down at Harry, who tongue was stuck out in concentration as he tried to put a shirt on a Barbie Doll.
‘You need some help, love?’ Regulus sat down crossed legged next to him and Harry passed over the doll.
‘This is Barrrrbie and she wears a flower t-shirt and some trousers and no jumper but there’s a jumper on the floor.’
‘I see.’ Regulus said, not really seeing at all as he bent Barbie’s arm back obscenely. ‘There- You- Go!’ He passed Barbie back over to Harry, all dressed up in the shirt – it had been harder than anticipated to get it on.
‘Now this one.’ Harry passed back the doll and then picked up a different shirt.
‘But I’ve just put this one on!’
‘But it’s yelllllow and not bluuuuue and it’s not pants.’
‘Umm-‘
‘The Ken barbie wears a black t-shirt and white t-shirt and black jacket and he’s got black trouserrrrrs and my girl Barbie don’t have swimming pants it’s got a blue swimming shorts.’
Regulus decided it was probably just best to take the doll from Harry and dress it as instructed.
Saturday, 2:50pm
Regulus looked at his watch. And then checked his phone because his watch could absolutely not be telling the truth. How was it possible that only half an hour had passed?
Regulus had had to dress and undress two Barbie’s and one Ken so many times he felt like his fingers were bleeding. Some of the tiny clothes had even had tiny buttons and at one point, while trying to get Ken into a particular tight pleather skirt Regulus had tugged a bit too vigorously and Ken ended up hitting him in the face, head first.
Half. An. Hour. Regulus was desperate and so he did something he swore he wouldn’t do.
‘Hazzie, let’s go and watch tele.’
Harry looked up, he was lying in the floor rolling from side to side and giving a nonsensical running commentary to whatever it was Regulus was doing. ‘K.’
‘Great!’ Regulus began to sweep all the tiny clothes into a pile with the side of his hand, ‘We need to tidy up here first.’
‘Noo,’ Harry sang, still rolling. ‘I want to leave it messy. We can tidy it in the night cos that’s night time. We have ello woof now.’
‘No,’ Regulus put on his best stern face. ‘We are going to tidy up so it’s nice for when your Pads and Moony get home.’
‘I’m thinking no.’
‘Well I’m thinking yes!’ Regulus actually raised his voice. ‘Young man you are going to help tidy up this mess or no television.’
Harry rolled onto his side and sat up, squinting at Regulus so hard Regulus would have put money on the fact that he couldn’t see anything at all. His little nose was wrinkled up in a faux glare and his cheeks were getting redder and redder as he strained to hold his breath.
‘Oh stop it, Harry.’ Regulus stood up and then gently pulled Harry to his feet. ‘You do the trousers and shoes and I’ll do the rest.’
Harry, albeit reluctantly agreed and started half heartedly throwing items in the box. Regulus figured that that was as good as he was going to get.
When the majority of the mess had been tidied away Regulus, carrying Harry who had insisted on being picked up, went into the living room and turned on the tele.
‘Ello woof. Ello woof.’ Harry looked up at Regulus.
‘I don’t know what that is!’
‘Ello woof!’
‘I know Harry but I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about!’ Regulus managed to navigate to Netflix and began scrolling through Last Watched, which seemed to be a list of increasingly insane looking cartoons.
‘Ello woof!’ Harry was crying now, his eyes red and watery.
‘Show me which one it is!’ Regulus felt panic prickle under his skin. ‘This one?’ He stopped on an image of what looked a colourful forest with a blue figure holding a red blanket.
‘Noooo!’ Harry wailed, desperately swiping at the screen.
‘No- Harry- I can’t-‘ Regulus batted his hand away. ‘It’s not a touch screen!’
‘Ello woof! Ello woof! Ello woooooof!’ Harry was really crying now, tears streaming down his face.
‘This one?!’
‘Noooo!’
‘Okay, it’s okay Harry. Let me just-‘ He snatched his phone out of his pocket.
To Sirius:
What is ello woof????
He waited for a reply and in the meantime, Harry collapsed into a dramatic pile on the floor.
Still no reply.
‘Oh fuck this!’ Regulus prodded the phone screen and called Sirius. It rang six times before Sirius picked up.
‘Hi-‘
‘What the hell is ello woof?!’ Regulus almost shouted down the phone.
‘Ohhhh,’ Sirius said cheerfully, the bastard, ‘It’s Paw Patrol. How are you getting o-‘
Regulus hung up.
‘It’s coming, Haz, it’s coming.’ He quickly spelled out PAW PATROL in the search bar and clicked play. The theme tune blasted through the speakers and Harry stood up, as if in a trance, and stood with his nose almost pressed up against the screen.
‘More loudy!’
Regulus aimed the remote at the television and pretended to press the volume button.
‘No, more loudy!’ Harry was looking at the bottom right of the screen. Regulus tentatively clicked and a small volume bar appeared directly where Harry was looking. ‘Up!’
Regulus allowed it up, just by a couple of number and then when Harry’s gaze returned to the middle of the tele he quickly brought it back down again.
It was like magic. Harry didn’t move an inch, completely transfixed by talking dogs driving different coloured go-karts. Or that’s what Regulus reckoned it looked like.
Feeling like he might just get a break he allowed himself to fall back onto the sofa and closed his eyes. The dog’s voices were annoying. He opened his eyes again, he better not fall asleep anyway. He dug his phone out his pocket:
To: Sirius
HOW does ello woof become paw patrol??
From: Sirius
Haha!
Ello woof is yellow dog
To: Sirius
That doesn’t help at all!
From: Sirius
Hazzie’s fav PP is Rubble
To: Sirius
Again
That literally helps in no way whatsoever
From Sirius:
Rubble is the yellow dog (ello woof) in paw patrol
To: Sirius
You’re such a dad
Saturday, 3:45pm
Almost forty-five minutes. Forty-five minutes. Regulus could hardly believe it. Yes he was sure he was going to go to his grave humming the Paw Patrol theme tune and yes, a cartoon boy called Ryder was now his arch nemesis but forty-five minutes.
Harry had stood stock still for the first ten of those, eyes glued to the television and Regulus had immediately banished his previous stance of when I have children I’m not going to let them rot their minds watching rubbish on tele. How naive he had been. The television was a genius invention and, in his humble opinion, children should be allowed nay, encouraged to watch it all day every day.
The only problem was, after that first glorious ten minutes the episode had ended, Harry had turned to Regulus.
‘Again!’
‘Hmm?’ Regulus had been distracted by visions of his future self-surrounded by a handful of beautiful children, with his flawless skin and Kingsley’s brown eyes, all watching television happily while Regulus drank wine.
‘Again!’
‘Oh, sorry Haz. It’s coming.’ Regulus gestured lazily over towards the screen.
‘No! Green Jack one!’
‘Oh no.’
‘Green Jack one!’
‘Harry, I’m so sorry but I don’t know what that means!’
‘Green Jack one!’
The tears were just starting up again as Harry frantically pointed at the television when Regulus’ phone vibrated in his hand.
From: Remus
If you’re watching PP he’ll want the Halloween special over and over
To: Remus
Green Jack one?
From: Remus
Yup
To: Remus
You’re my favourite brother now
From: Remus
Thought so
So yes, Regulus mused, toddlers liked television. And repetition, apparently.
Saturday, 3:55pm
As with everything, good things must come to an end. Regulus took one final, longing glance at the tele before he turned it off. It had done him proud.
‘Read it.’ Harry demanded, hitting Regulus in the face with a hardback book as he attempted to squash himself into the spot Regulus was currently sitting in. Regulus obligingly shuffled over.
‘No!’ Harry shimmered over to continue his climbing. ‘On your lap.’
‘Oh, sure thing Hazzie.’ Regulus hauled Harry up, getting another whack in the face with the book for his efforts and helped him into his lap. Harry settled straight away, snuggling into Regulus’ chest and Regulus was just about sure his heart was about to implode. God this child was cute. He loved him so much, he thought, shooing away thoughts of tantrums on the stairs, ruined scarves and coats at the park, wee covered hands and olives smooshed into the kitchen table…
‘Read it!’
Regulus opened the book. ‘Ooo good choice! I like this one.’ He cleared his throat importantly and Harry giggled, reaching up to kiss Regulus’ chin. ‘The witch had a…’
‘Cat!’
‘And a very tall…’
‘Hat!’
‘And long, ginger hair which she wore in a…
‘Plait!’
‘You clever bunny!’ Regulus tickled Harry’s side and Harry giggled madly.
‘Noooo! Read it!’ he hiccupped, batting at Regulus’ cheek.
‘I am reading it!’ Regulus jiggled Harry on his knee making him squeal even louder.
‘The witch had a..’
‘CAT!’
‘And a very tall…’
‘HAT!’
‘And long, ginger hair which she wore in a…’
‘PLAIT!’
They both dissolved into laughter.
‘Okay, okay.’ Regulus took a deep breath, his face hurting from laughing. ‘Let’s keep going.
‘How the cat purred, and how the witch grinned, As they sat on the broomstick and flewwww through the wind! But how the witch wailed, and how the cat spat, When the wind blew so wildly, it blew off the – hey, where’re you going?!’
Regulus watched as Harry slid off his lap and trotted over to his little bookcase in the corner of the room and pulled another book from the middle shelf.
‘Hare Bear, we haven’t finished this one yet!’
‘Read it.’ Harry tugged Room on the Broom from Regulus’ hand and tossed it onto the floor before handing him another one.
‘We do not throw books on the floor!’ Regulus scolded, leaning over to pick it up. ‘And we haven’t finished it either.’
‘Don’t want it.’ He told Regulus, attempting to climb back onto his lap with the new book.
‘Well then you put it back on the shelf.
‘You do it.’
‘No, Harry, you got the book out, so you put it back.’
Harry looked at Regulus, looked at the book sat on the sofa cushion, looked back at Regulus and then patted the book twice.
‘It stay here.’
Saturday, 4:20pm
Regulus looked mournfully at the piles of books scattered all over the floor. He had well and truly lost that battle; no matter how much cajoling, reprimanding and then, in the end, straight up black mail Regulus had tried, Harry would not put the books back on the shelves.
He started gathering up the books, he had to hand it to Julia Donaldson, she wrote a compelling opening. Regulus had no idea if this was sustained throughout the rest of the story, Harry had only let him read the first few pages of each before declaring it was finished and chucking it onto the floor.
Speaking of Harry, Regulus looked around. It had gone awfully quiet.
‘Harry?’ Regulus spotted him, crouching between the sofa and the coffee table. Harry had a funny look on his face. ‘Harry, what’re you- are you doing a poo?!’
Harry nodded his head fervently.
‘Harry, wait!’ Regulus dropped the pile of books in his hands and looked wildly around the room. ‘Where’s your potty?’
‘No potty.’ Harry’s voice was strained.
Regulus ignored him. Flying out of the living room and into the downstairs bathroom, grabbing the potty lying upside down on the floor and careening back into the living room. Without a second thought he launched himself at Harry, seizing him around the waist and extracted him from his hiding place. He pulled down Harry’s leggings and underwear and sat him on the potty. Harry, to his credit, didn’t fuss at all at being disturbed during what was obviously mid-poo.
‘Phew!’ Regulus took a step back. ‘That was close, wasn’t it?’
Harry didn’t respond, just looked up at Regulus, dead in the eye. Regulus looked back awkwardly, not really sure on the etiquette of waiting for your nephew to evacuate his bowels. He was just about to look away when Harry spoke, his voice low and strained.
‘The poo is coming out.’
‘Oh!’ Regulus floundered for a moment, with no idea what to do with this information. ‘Yaaaaay!’ He ended with some pretty pathetic jazz hands.
‘Sing the song.’
‘The song?’
Harry nodded.
‘I don’t know the song, Harry. I’m sorry.’ Regulus was expecting the fifth? Sixth? To be honest he couldn’t remember, meltdown on the day but suddenly Harry stood up.
‘Wipe me!’
Regulus dropped his head and closed his eyes, just for a moment.
‘Sure thing, bud!’ He grabbed the wipes off the coffee table and cleaned Harry up, redressing him. ‘Let me just sort this out.’ He picked up the potty and made to walk out the room.
‘It has to go upstairs.’ Harry padded along next him.
‘Why?’
‘The poo goes upstairs.’
Regulus looked at him. ‘Is this an actual thing or a Harry thing?’
‘No but it has to go upstairs.’
Regulus took pause. This did sound like it could be true. Sirius and Remus’ house was old and maybe the plumbing was funny.
‘Okay Haz, you go and wash up your hands downstairs and I’ll go upstairs and we’ll meet back here in one minute. It can be a race!’
‘Yeh!’ Harry’s eyes sparkled at the prospect.
‘You ready?’
But Harry was already running off towards the downstairs loo. Regulus chuckled to himself and turned towards the stairs and then several things happened all at once.
There was a crash and a scream.
‘Harry?!’ Regulus twisted round, his right foot on the stairs while his left got caught in the ruined jumper he’d never picked up from earlier. His foot skidded on the material and he staggered to keep his footing, his whole body lurching forward. Regulus’ arm flailed in front of him and then he watched in slow motion as the large, brown poo soared through the air, landing with a revolting thud halfway up the stairs.
Giving the poo only a fleeting glance he scrambled to his feet, the now empty potty discarded in the hallway and rushed towards the screaming.
‘Harry!’ Regulus ground to a halt in front of the bathroom door, his heart thumping a mile a minute.
‘Erghhhh!’ Harry wailed, pointing to something behind the sink.
‘What? What is it?’ Regulus hurried forward, quickly picking Harry up and pressing him to his chest.
‘Erghhhh!’ Harry continued to cry.
‘I can’t see anything!’ Regulus looked around the bathroom frantically.
‘I don’t like itttt!’
‘Don’t like what?’
Harry lifted his head and pointed down the floor once more, his bottom lip trembling. Regulus followed his finger. And then put Harry down, maybe a little more heavily than he would normally.
‘It’s a moth, Harry.’
‘I don’t like ittttt.’
Regulus went to pick up the moth. It didn’t move. ‘And it’s dead! Harry!’
Harry just snivelled.
‘Just wash your hands.’ Regulus turned on the tap and helped Harry run the water over his fingers. ‘Harry, I thought something really bad had happened.’ He turned off the tap and reached for the duck covered towel to dry Harry’s hands before leading him out of the bathroom. He was going to put the television back on. He no longer gave a fuck.
They stopped briefly at the bottom of the stairs.
‘There’s my poo.’ Harry said helpfully.
‘Yes.’ Regulus looked at it for a moment and then carried on into the living room, flipping the shit off surreptitiously behind Harry’s back.
Saturday, 4:40pm
Paw Patrol only forged Regulus ten minutes this time round. Harry was getting angsty and Regulus was worried it was because he was hungry.
‘Do you want to try your lunch again, Hazzie?’
‘Apple.’ Harry was slumped against him. ‘Cutted up.’
‘You want an apple?’ Regulus felt rather than saw Harry nod but that was good enough.
‘Cutted up.’
‘I can do that for you.’ Regulus stood and Harry slid down so he was lying on the cushions, vaguely watched the television. ‘Are you going to stay here?’
Harry nodded again and figuring that he wouldn’t get up to too much mischief if Regulus left him there for a couple of minutes he made his way into the kitchen. He grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl on the table and rummaged around in a couple of cupboards until he found a chopping board and a sharpish knife. He cut the apple, careful to make sure all the core was removed and then, channelling his inner Remus, he cut a couple of shapes into a few of the slices: a star, a heart and a little smiley face.
Feeling like he was really rocking the shit out of this uncle business he arranged the slices on a plate and made his way back into the living room.
Harry was gone.
‘Oh for fucks sake.’ Regulus muttered under his breath, putting the plate down on the coffee table. ‘Harry?’
‘I’m here Reggie!’
Regulus actually turned full circle and then felt like a bit of a dick. ‘Where’s here?!’ He could hear something familiar too.
‘Here!’
After affirming that Harry was definitely not in the living room, Regulus went back out into the hallway. He stuck his head in the playroom but no sign.
‘Reggie!’ Regulus looked up, Harry’s voice was coming from upstairs. Panicking about the secret toy stash in Remus and Sirius’ bedroom Regulus took the stairs two at a time, making sure to miss the poo which was still sitting there. He now realised what the sound was – water running.
He rounded the corner of the landing and opened the bathroom door. Harry was standing there, completely naked, the bath running and an obscene amount of bubbles foaming up out of the water.
‘I runned the bath.’ Harry told him as if Regulus might not be able to figure that out for himself.
‘That.’ Regulus didn’t really know what to say. ‘That is a very bubbly bath. Harry!-‘ he spotted the empty bottle of bubble bath on the floor, it looked expensive. And not for children. ‘Please tell me you didn’t pour the whole thing in?!’
‘The bubbles are very big!’
‘Yes I can see that! Where did you get it from?’
‘Moony and Pads room!’
Regulus groaned. ‘Harry! They’re going to be cross!’
‘No because it’s fine because you are here.’
‘Exactly!’ Regulus reached over and turned the taps off as the water threatened to overflow. ‘They’re going to cross with me!’
‘That’s sad.’ Harry didn’t look particularly sad.
‘It is sad!’ Regulus told him, rolling up his shirt sleeves. ‘You shouldn’t have taken the bubbles from their room.’
‘But sharing is caringgggg!’
‘It’s not sharing if you didn’t ask first, Harry.’
Harry chose not to answer, just scooped up a huge handful of bubbles and began to eat them.
‘Ugh! Well we might as well get you in then.’ Regulus picked Harry up and lowered him into the bath.
‘Hotttttt!’ Harry screamed the moment the water touched his toes, kicking his legs violently.
‘Sorry, sorry!’ Regulus quickly deposited Harry back on the bathmat and stuck his hand into the water. ‘It’s not hot at all!’
‘Hot.’
‘It’s not! Look.’ Regulus swished his hand around to make his point.
‘Is.’ The look of Harry’s face told him that was that.
‘Okay,’ Regulus looked at him. ‘Do I- Do put more cold in?’
‘Yesth.’
Dreading to think how much money was being drained away in the form of his brother’s stupidly expensive bubble bath Regulus let the plug out. They both watched as the water level dropped and then Harry squeezed behind to start the cold tap running again. Regulus put the plug back in and waited a minute.
‘Is that better?’
Harry dipped his hand into the water and Regulus followed suit.
‘Yesth.’
‘Are you sure, Haz? It feels cold.’
‘It’s fiiiiiine.’ Harry lifted his arms to be put back into the bath. ‘But no rinser.’
‘No, no rinser.’ Regulus echoed, although he didn’t have any idea what he was saying. He winced as Harry settled in the cold water but he didn’t seem bothered in the slightest. ‘You’re sure it’s not too cold?’
Harry smacked the surface of the water with both palms sending water splashing over Regulus.
‘Don’t do that please, Harry.’ Regulus said tiredly, shuffling back on his knees to get out of the splash zone. ‘Shall we do you hair and get that out the way.’ He reached for the shower attachment.
‘No rinser!’ Harry threw himself backwards, a tidal wave of water sloshing over the edge of the bath. ‘No rinser!’
So that’s what the rinser was. ‘Well how do we wash your hair then?’
‘Bowl.’ Harry told him, now rolling over and over like a demented sea otter, sending water cascading everywhere.
‘What bowl- you know what?’ Regulus stood up, ‘Your hair seems clean enough. I think we’ll leave it.’
Saturday 5:15pm
‘I will literally pay you to make a decision, Haz.’
‘Meep!’
‘Please, Harry.’
‘Meep!’
‘These ones?’
Harry shook his head violently.
‘These ones?’
Another no.
Regulus was at his end of his tether. Bath time had not been the idyllic, bonding experience films made it out to be. Harry refused to be washed, refused to do his teeth, splashed non-stop despite the increasingly loud reprimands from Regulus who gradually got wetter and wetter as bath time went on.
They were now sat on Harry’s bedroom floor. Harry without a stich on and refusing, point blank, to pick anything to wear. Regulus himself had lost his trousers. Victim to the bathroom tsunami he’d admitted defeat and taken them off.
‘Well I don’t know what else to suggest, Harry. You want to come downstairs naked?’
‘Okay!’ Harry stood up.
‘No- That was a- You know what, fine. Let’s go.’ He took Harry’s hand and they went downstairs. The poo was, of course, still there. Regulus made a mental note to actually do something about it before Sirius and Remus got home. He couldn’t even smell it anymore; he supposed the whole house just smelt of poo now.
The went into the playroom this time and Harry plonked himself down on the floor.
Regulus looked at him. ‘Are you cold?’
Harry nodded his head.
‘See. I told you. I’ll get you a blanket.’
‘And apple juice.’
‘How do you ask nicely.’
‘Apple juice please.’
‘Good boy. Why don’t you choose us a game to play.’
He watched as Harry bounced on his knees over to a shelf piled with boxes of different children’s games and then disappeared out the room. He collected the still uneaten apple from the living and on his way through to the kitchen swiped up his jumper that was still on the floor. He made up a cup of apple and blackcurrant squash, hoping that would pass as apple juice and took it through to Harry.
Who was lying the middle of the room. Starfished face up and fast asleep.
‘Harry?’ Regulus whispered, bending down and stroking his cheek. ‘Harry?’
Harry didn’t react at all. Regulus huffed a disbelieving laugh through his nose and put the apple and juice down on a side table. He unwound the jumper from his across his shoulders and tucked it round Harry, who snuffled adorably.
Regulus looked around. He had no idea what to do first. He could actually go to the loo, or maybe make a cup of tea or actually just sit down without the fear of some impending toddler related doom overwhelming him. He decided on doing all three. He sauntered into the kitchen and flicked the kettle on, popped to the loo while it boiled and then returned to make himself a cup of strong, sugary tea. He took the mug back into he playroom, trying to be as quiet as possible and sat himself down on the sofa in the corner of the room. He was just about to take his first sip when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Carefully putting the tea on the floor by his feet he retrieved his phone:
From: Sirius
We’ll be back in about half an hour
Forgot to say earlier but DO NOT let Harry fall asleep past 4
We’ll never get him to bed otherwise!!!!!!
Well fuck. Regulus thumped his head back against the wall. He’d better wake Harry up then.
5:45pm
Harry had cried for the past half an hour. It had taken all of Regulus’ resolve to wake him up and Harry had not been happy about it.
Regulus had tried the television but to no avail and instead had resorted to carrying Harry around singing nursery rhymes in an increasingly frantic manner. Harry had not enjoyed this. But then again, neither had Regulus.
He had just about managed to get Harry settled on his lap, still naked – Harry had clearly decided that any sort of blanket was the devil’s spawn and had refused to be covered - and the noise of his wailing still ringing in Regulus’ ears when they heard the front door open.
‘Oh thank God!’ Regulus stood up, still clutching Harry to him and almost ran out into the hall where Sirius and Remus were just taking off coats and shoes.
‘Here you go.’ Regulus thrust Harry at the nearest person, Remus, who looked slightly alarmed but took Harry all the same.
‘Hey you two!’ Sirius said very cheerfully but stopped midsentence as he took in both their appearances.
‘Why isn’t he wearing any clothes?! Where are your trousers?!’ Sirius lifted his head and sniffed. ‘What’s that smell- Is that a poo on the stairs?!’
‘Is mine.’ Harry said, resting his head on Remus’ shoulder.
‘As opposed to Uncle Reggie’s?’ Remus asked him, dropping a kiss into his hair and biting back a smile.
‘I forget to clean it up.’ Regulus said, looking at Remus. ‘And he wouldn’t get dressed! And I got all wet and there was a moth on the floor!’
‘I see.’ Remus started to walk towards the kitchen. ‘Have you been playing your uncle up young man?’
Regulus turned to Sirius. ‘How do you do this?’ He asked desperately. ‘I’m fucking exhausted!’
Sirius just laughed, taking a tissue out of his pocket and climbing the first few steps until he could reach out and pick up the poo. ‘You get used to it.’ Regulus followed him to the bathroom and watched him flush the poo away. ‘Come on. Re and I have news.’
They went into the kitchen. In the two minutes they’d been apart Remus had managed to get Harry dressed and sat at the kitchen table where he was happily stuffing olives into his face. Remus was at the counter, chopping the discarded banana from earlier into chunks.
‘How?!’ Regulus pointed at Harry.
‘Magic.’ Remus said with a wink, passing Regulus a hot cup of tea which he seemed to have produced out of thin air. ‘So, it’s been a day, huh?’
Regulus sighed. Watched as Harry swallowed hard and then reached out a sticky hand and patted the space next to him. ‘No.’ Regulus pulled out the chair and sat down. ‘We’ve had a great time, haven’t we Haz?’
Harry nodded. And handed Regulus a piece of banana.
‘So you reckon Uncle Reggie is the best uncle ever, then?’ Sirius wrapped an arm around Remus’ waist, smiling when Remus kissed his cheek.
‘Yesth!’ Harry cheered.
‘Well, that’s good.’ Sirius looked round at them all, a huge smile on his face. ‘Because give it six months and they’ll be a little Harry mark two around to keep you on your toes!’
Regulus looked at Sirius and then at Remus who looked a little bashful before the penny dropped.
‘You’re pregnant?!’
Remus nodded. ‘Little bit, yeh.’
‘Oh my God!’ Regulus jumped to his feet and hurried round the table and hugging first Remus and then Sirius. ‘That’s why you look so awful!’
Remus and Sirius both laughed. ‘What?’
Oh God, I’m so sorry!’ Regulus took a step back. ‘I don’t know why I said that! It just sort of came out!’
Remus just shook his head. ‘That’s what you get for spending all day with a toddler. You’ve lost your filter.’
‘Guys,’ Regulus said earnestly. ‘I’m so, so made up for you all. But seriously.’ He looked at them both. ‘Another one?! You must be insane!’
Saturday, 10:00pm
‘Okay, what’s up?’
‘Hmm? Nothing! Nothing’s up, keep going.’
Kingsley gave Regulus a suspicious look but then continued, trailing kisses along his neck and down onto his collar bone. He set about making a mark as he ground their hips together. Beneath him Regulus shifted and then again, but this time made a little, almost discontented noise.
‘Nope.’ Kingsley rolled off him and flopped onto his back. ‘Something’s wrong.’
‘No, no! It’s fine. I’m sorry, it’s just-‘ Regulus waved in the general direction of Kingsley’s now rapidly flagging cock. ‘Do you think one’s enough?’
Kingsley looked down at his penis, bemused. ‘Well I don’t have another one hiding anywhere.’
‘No, I mean the condom.’
‘Oh! Right! So you mean is one condom enough?’
‘Yeh.’
‘Well I think that two-‘
‘I think we should get another one. You know, just to be safe.’
‘Erm, sure?’ Kingsley propped himself up on his elbows and watched as Regulus disappeared into the bathroom.
‘Here we go!’ The box hit Kingsley square in the chest. ‘Let’s get that thing suited and booted!’
‘You’re being weird.’ Kingsley levelled Regulus with a look as he hopped back into bed and reached over to grab a foil packet out the box.
‘No I’m not.’ Regulus ripped open the packet with his teeth. ‘I’m just being careful!’ He rolled the condom on and then laid back and wiggled his hips. ‘Come on then!’
‘Hmm.’ Kingsley hummed with slightly narrowed eyes as he moved so he hovered above Regulus once more.
‘Come on then!’ Regulus looked up at him and reached up to run his hands through Kingsley’s hair. Kingsley slowly pushed forwards. ‘Actually wait!’
Kingsley stopped dead.
‘Maybe I should put one on too?’
‘Oh my God, why?’ Kingsley knelt back. ‘Babe. What’s going on?’
‘Remus is pregnant.’ Regulus pushed himself up on the pillows.
‘I know. You’ve already told me that.’
‘Like going to have a baby pregnant.’
‘Yes, Reg. I do know the end of result of pregnancy is usually a baby.’
‘A baby that’s going to turn into a toddler and absolutely terrorise them!’
‘Ah.’ Kingsley nodded sagely. ‘Got it.’
‘I can’t do it again, Kings.’ Regulus sat up fully on his knees and leant forward earnestly. ‘I love Harry so much, like so much but I can’t! It was so bad. I’m so tired and it was only one day!’
’I know, sugar.’ Kingsley tipped Regulus chin up so he could place a sweet kiss on the tip of his nose.
‘So do you think I should?’ Regulus asked.
‘Should you what?’
‘Put a condom on as well.’
‘No Reg.’ Kingsley said with a kind smile. ‘I don’t think you need to, and-‘ he carried on as Regulus made to interrupt, ‘And I also don’t think sex is on the cards for us tonight, okay?’
Regulus paused for a moment and then seemed to collapse a little. ‘Yeh. Okay.’ He slumped back down on the bed. ‘Sorry.’
‘Hey,’ Kingsley peeled off both condoms and settled down next to him, pulling Regulus head onto his chest and tangling their legs together. ‘We don’t apologise for things like that.’
‘Okay. Love you.’ Regulus nudged the top of Kingsley chin with his head.
‘Love you too.’
They lay in silence for a while, saying the odd thing and trading kisses and Kingsley had just about dropped off to sleep when Regulus say bolt upright.
‘What?! What is it?!’ Kingsley sat up in a panic, looking around the room.
‘I left the bastard pram at the park!’