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Across the vast universe, far away
Wherever in the world we are
We can see and feel love, faster than the speed of light
My love
We will hold each other once again
And become the perfect love
In the end, we will meet
As we did when we first met
We should be in love
-"Dear Love," Hyunsik
Hwang Hyunjin is born on the spring equinox in the year 1500. His mother is the Queen of Korea; his father is presumed to be the King of Korea. There is no reason for anyone to think otherwise. He is second in line to the throne, after his older brother, Minho.
1518
Hyunjin yawns, resting his chin in the palm of his left hand as his history tutor drones on about the three kingdoms of Korea. Hyunjin finds it much more interesting to sketch the cherry blossoms that are unfurling outside the window.
Hyunjin is daydreaming about lunch when he feels a pointy elbow jabbing him in the side. "Pay attention," the owner of the elbow hisses. Hyunjin frowns.
The elbow belongs to Kim Seungmin, the only son of the Chief State Councillor. Born six months after Hyunjin on the fall equinox, Seungmin is permitted to study with Hyunjin as a special favor to the Chief State Councillor, who is attempting to shape his son in his image. Earnest, serious, and focused, Seungmin is the ideal pupil. While Hyunjin, second in line to the throne, barely pays attention, Seungmin is much more invested in their lessons.
He is also Hyunjin's sometimes-nightmare, sometimes-friend. Right now, as far as Hyunjin is concerned, he's being a pest. Still, to humor him, he makes it less obvious that he could care less about this history lesson on the Goguryeo, Baekje, and Silla dynasties.
Blessedly, the lecture concludes about fifteen minutes later. Hyunjin doesn't think that Seungmin realizes, but Seungmin is pouting, kind eyes curving downwards. "I wish you weren't so distracted during lessons, my prince," Seungmin broaches. "I know you think they're unnecessary because of Crown Prince Minho, but you never know what could happen in the future."
Hyunjin shrugs. "I'm the back-up. The spare. Hyungnim has it taken care of."
Seungmin shakes his head in disagreement but doesn't push it. Rather, Seungmin looks at Hyunjin intently, as if he is trying to commit Hyunjin's image to memory, as if he's searching for something in Hyunjin's face. He's been doing this more often of late, and Hyunjin doesn't quite know what to make of it. Instead, he tries to quell the blush that is threatening to rise in his cheeks.
"Want to take lunch together, my prince?" Seungmin asks with what sounds like a hopeful tone. Hyunjin must be imagining it, there's no reason for Seungmin to want to spend more time with him, especially when they've known each other for so many years.
"I'm supposed to take lunch with Lady Jisu," Hyunjin replies.
Hyunjin thinks it's just a trick of the light, but Seungmin looks crestfallen, bright smile fading. "Another time, then, my prince." Seungmin bows deeply before walking away. Hyunjin looks at those broad, self-assured, reliable shoulders and feels an emotion he can't identify.
***
Hyunjin's parents have made no attempt to hide their wishes that Hyunjin become betrothed to Lady Jisu. She comes from a suitable noble lineage that is rich in resources and power. His parents favor the match mostly because her family, the Chois, are frequently opposed to the Hwangs, and a marriage would bind the two families closer together. Lady Jisu is nice enough. She's beautiful, doll-like, with her small face, feline eyes, and prototypical cupid's bow. Granted, they don't really know each other beyond a superficial level, but Hyunjin supposes there could be worse fates. They could always take separate lovers if it really came to that.
"Good afternoon, Prince Hyunjin," Jisu says, a soft smile playing on her lips.
"Good afternoon," Hyunjin replies.
"How was your day?" she asks, taking a delicate bite of chicken.
"The usual," Hyunjin says airily. "Tedious lessons with tedious teachers and tedious Seungmin." He can't help the fond, bemused grin that spreads across his face when he mentions Seungmin. "How about you?" he asks.
Jisu shrugs. "I started an embroidery project."
Hyunjin nods, feigning interest. The conversation peters out a bit after that.
***
It's evening after a long day of lessons a week or so later. Hyunjin and Seungmin are sitting together underneath a tree, watching the sunset paint the sky in vivid colors of pink and orange and purple. Hyunjin flexes his fingers, itching to capture the scene.
He's interrupted from his reverie when Seungmin speaks. "My prince," Seungmin starts, then stops. Seungmin clears his throat. "Do you think you'll marry Lady Jisu?"
Hyunjin shrugs. "My parents certainly want me too. I suppose I don't see any reason to oppose the match. I don't harbor any particular affection for her, but she's nice enough."
Hyunjin turns to look at Seungmin, and he feels his breath hitch. He's surprised by what he finds in Seungmin's usually kind eyes—an intoxicating cocktail of hurt, want, and adoration. He pitches into Seungmin's eyes, lost, and discovers that he doesn't want to find his way back out.
"Seungmin," he says softly. He doesn't trust his voice to speak any louder. "Seungmin, please help me understand-"
It's not wholly unexpected, or unwelcome, when Seungmin closes his eyes and leans in, his lips gently brushing against Hyunjin's. It's a bit uncharacteristic, yes, for Seungmin to be so reckless, but Hyunjin finds he doesn't mind. Hyunjin initiates the next kiss, his tongue gently running along the seam of Seungmin's mouth, prying Seungmin's lips open. As Hyunjin's tongue tangles with Seungmin's, he gets lost in the moment, not thinking about the consequences of the kiss—that homosexuality is basically outlawed, even for a prince. It just feels so comfortable, so right, to kiss Seungmin. Hyunjin wonders why he never realized it before.
***
The next day, Hyunjin and Seungmin are in the middle of a calligraphy lesson when one of the king's attendants stops by. He looks uncomfortable and uneasy. "Prince Hyunjin and Lord Seungmin, the king requests your presence." There is only the illusion of choice. It is a command.
Hyunjin and Seungmin look at each other, confused, unsure of what the king could want. They stand up, nodding to their calligraphy instructor, and follow the attendant.
When they reach the throne room, they find the king waiting for them, his lips pursed in disapproval and disappointment.
They kneel on the ground and bow, and after a minute, the king indicates that they can stand up.
"It has come to my attention that the two of you were seen kissing," the king states.
Hyunjin feels something ugly twist in his gut. They should have been more careful. It will be an oversight that they will likely pay dearly for. But at the same time—who could have told on them? Minho? Jisu? A servant? It could have been anyone, and Hyunjin belatedly realizes, who it was doesn't really matter.
"As you know, this is against the law and can be punishable with death," the king continues. "Given your…statuses, I have discussed with my Chief State Councillor how to proceed. Prince Hyunjin, you are to marry Lady Jisu immediately. Lord Seungmin, you are exiled from the palace and will henceforth live your life as a common man effective now. Seungmin, you are to leave instantly."
That is much too harsh. "Father-" Hyunjin starts to say, but Seungmin hushes him.
Though Seungmin looks nervous and panicked, he tries his best to put on a brave face. "As you wish, my King," he says, bowing deeply. He turns to look at Hyunjin. Both of them don't know what to say, and before Hyunjin knows it, Seungmin is whisked away by the guards.
***
In Hyunjin's wildest dreams, he never imagined the punishment would be this severe. He is heartbroken and stricken with grief after Seungmin's exile from the palace. He longs for their lessons, an easier, simpler time. He didn't realize that he was in love with Seungmin until now, that his steadiness, his earnestness, and his cleverness had made a home in Hyunjin's heart. Now it is too late.
Minho kindly lets Hyunjin use his rooms to escape from the court. Minho purses his lips as Hyunjin lets out an animalistic sob, and he gently runs his hands through the hair of his younger brother. "You always were too romantic, awoo. There is no other way this could have ended. If you were first in line for the throne you would realize this is how it works." Minho is harsh but well-meaning. His brother is right, Hyunjin knows. He still doesn't want to hear it.
***
Hyunjin is completely numb for his own wedding. He barely remembers any of it, the pomp and circumstance. At the end of the day, Jisu delicately broaches the subject of whether they should consummate their marriage, but Hyunjin refuses. He thinks Jisu looks privately relieved.
***
The years go by, devoid of color and joy. After a decade or so, whispers start going around the court that Hyunjin doesn't age. The king, alarmed by such rumors, reaches out to a shaman. The shaman ultimately concludes that it's possible that Hyunjin isn't the son of the king at all, but rather Hwanin, the sky god, bestowing upon Hyunjin immortality.
It is decided by the king, Crown Prince Minho, and their advisors, that Hyunjin's death should be staged, and that afterwards he should live the life of a common man. Nobody else beyond this circle should know, not even Lady Jisu or the Queen. Hyunjin is not a part of the decision.
The plan goes without a hitch. Hyunjin goes on a hunting trip and, as the story goes, his horse got spooked and bucked him, and Hyunjin fell to his death and was trampled. It's a neat bit of trickery, the way they say he was mangled beyond recognition, whisking away the body of a prisoner and offering it up as Hyunjin's. They arrange for a viewing without the body visible anyway because it's supposedly too grotesque for delicate women's eyes, and they cremate the body before anyone is the wiser.
When all is said and done, Minho is the only one who bids Hyunjin goodbye. He looks guilty but resolute. I'm sorry, but there was no other way, his eyes seem to say. And maybe there isn't. Hyunjin knows this is likely going to be the last time he sees his older brother. He keeps the memory of the future king in his mind like a treasure. Minho, handsome Minho. Upright, straightforward, level-headed. Minho gives Hyunjin a tight hug before he turns away to leave. Everyone always seems to be walking away.
After Hyunjin is essentially thrown out into the streets, he has never felt so broken, or so alone. He longs for something he can't quite name. The security of Seungmin's arms around him, perhaps.
***
So Hyunjin searches for Seungmin. He is itinerant, drifting from town to town offering his labor as a farmhand. At every town, he asks if there is a Kim Seungmin, a man with kind eyes and a warm smile.
He is always disappointed.
As the years go by, he wonders if he would even recognize Seungmin anymore, if Seungmin was even still alive. How would Seungmin look with graying hair, wrinkles, and a hunched body? Hyunjin would still love him all the same, and not make the mistake of letting him go this time.
Hyunjin never gets the chance, though. He never does find Seungmin, and as the years pass, he starts losing more and more hope. Eventually, he gives up on ever seeing the person who he loves most ever again. It's almost certain Seungmin is dead by now.
***
400 Years Later, 1918
It is 400 years later when Seungmin is reincarnated.
Hyunjin does a double take when he sees a boy just like Seungmin in his class at university. The other boy has Seungmin's too-kind eyes, but it can't be.
"What's your name?" Hyunjin asks as he sits down next to the boy.
"Kim Seungmin," the other boy replies.
Immediately, Hyunjin is transported back to memories of endless lessons, endless bickering, finite kisses.
Hyunjin's adoptive father, mother, and older brother are all long gone by now. It's just Hyunjin, stuck in the same place he always has been. He has gotten used to, resigned himself to, the isolation, the emptiness, the meaninglessness, but he feels something new, feels something shift when he sees Seungmin.
Hope.
***
Hyunjin would recognize Seungmin in every incarnation, and Seungmin is serious, stubborn, and thorough in every incarnation.
In this one, Hyunjin falls in love and feels a spark as he hears Seungmin systematically and passionately speak about how Korea must hold tight to her history, culture, and legacy and throw off the yoke of Japanese rule.
On March 1, 1919, they assemble in Pagoda Park and start a peaceful procession. The arc of history bends towards something, but Hyunjin has his doubts if it's necessarily justice. This movement, like many before and after it, is quickly thrown into chaos as the Japanese police lose control of the crowds, and what was pure and peaceful and principled devolves into violence.
Hyunjin watches, powerless, as Seungmin is shot. He lets out a feral scream. How cruel, to find Seungmin again, only to lose him again. To lose him again like this.
Using his last remaining strength, Seungmin reaches in his pocket and hands Hyunjin his prized watch, which has an engraving of the mugunghwa, the Korean national flower, a sign of resistance. "For you," Seungmin croaks, the chains slipping through his fingers. "Keep the fight alive, and I hope you'll remember me fondly." Seungmin collapses back down and stills.
Hyunjin howls.
***
30 Years Later, 1948
It's a shorter interval when Seungmin is reincarnated again. 30 years this time.
They're in college again, at Seoul National University. Seungmin is studying political science. Hyunjin is studying art.
Hyunjin is at the student center when he spots the other boy. The boy Hyunjin is always looking for everywhere, around corners and in alleyways. Hyunjin always looks. Just in case. Always, always longing for him.
Sometimes, Hyunjin wonders if he's pathetic, to be in love with, to search for, a boy that he kissed once and who gave him a pretty trinket. He takes solace in the fact that they have run into each other more than once. That has to mean something.
"Can I sit here?" Hyunjin asks the other boy. The other boy frowns, looking a little confused. There are plenty of open tables at the student center and no reason for Hyunjin to ask to share a table. Luckily, this incarnation, like all incarnations, of Seungmin is kind. He moves his possessions around on the table to make room for Hyunjin. "Sure, go ahead."
Hyunjin just needs to make sure. "I'm Hyunjin, by the way. What's your name?"
"Kim Seungmin," the other boy replies. Bingo.
***
They have a bit more time together in this iteration of Seungmin's life compared to the last. Even though Korea is wounded and divided, the more time that goes by without Seungmin being cruelly snatched out of his hands by exile or by death, the more relaxed Hyunjin becomes. Hyunjin starts to think that maybe this time, they'll be able to be together for a long time.
Though they are studying radically different subjects, after their first meeting and through Hyunjin's sheer determination, they have become friends. They frequently study in the library together (or more accurately, Seungmin studies and Hyunjin tags along). Hyunjin isn't totally sure if this Seungmin has any romantic inclinations towards him. He tries to tell himself it doesn't really matter, anyway. And it doesn't, in a way. Hyunjin is just happy to be able to spend a little time with the person that makes his heart sing. Even if it's just for now. Even if it doesn't last.
The two of them are eating at a hole-in-the-wall restaurant near the university. Granted, just about every restaurant during these times is a hole-in-the-wall. Korea has been through a lot.
The proprietor's daughter is helping out, and she takes their order. When she spots Hyunjin, she does a double take and lowers her eyes demurely, a pretty pink flush coloring her cheeks.
Seungmin clears his throat. "Hi, we'd like to place our orders," he commands, a little more forcefully than necessary.
She startles, and after taking their orders, she scampers away, looking embarrassed. Hyunjin looks at Seungmin with a kind of dangerous fondness and recognition. "Seungmin, there was no need to be so harsh to the poor girl."
Seungmin refuses to meet Hyunjin's eyes. "She was dawdling daydreaming about you rather than doing her job. You're not even that much to look at."
Hyunjin snorts. "Seungmin, are you jealous?"
Seungmin's eyes snap back up to meet Hyunjin's. They look back at Hyunjin stubbornly, as if challenging Hyunjin to claim that he's jealous again. "Hardly, Hyunjin. Don't flatter yourself."
Seungmin is a little tetchy at the beginning of the dinner, but eventually he calms down. Hyunjin can't help the big, happy, self-indulgent smile he has on his face as he spends time with his favorite person.
"What's got you smiling like a big idiot," Seungmin asks, deadpan.
"Just happy to be spending time with you," Hyunjin replies easily. It's easy, really, to admit his affections for Seungmin the third time around. It's funny what losing a person twice does to your pride.
Seungmin rolls his eyes, but Hyunjin thinks he can detect a faint blush on his cheeks.
***
After dinner, they head to Seungmin's dorm, like they have done a million times. This time, though, Seungmin is fidgety and jumpy like a newborn fawn.
Hyunjin tolerates the awkwardness, patient. About an hour later, Seungmin takes a deep breath. "Maybe I was jealous," he whispers, so quiet Hyunjin almost doesn't catch it.
"I wouldn't mind," Hyunjin replies. "If you were."
Seungmin looks up at Hyunjin with surprise and amazement. Always, Seungmin is the braver one. Hyunjin isn't startled as he feels Seungmin's lips on his, slightly chapped and warm. He almost expected it.
When they part for air, Seungmin shakes his head to himself. "I—I didn't think you'd ever return my feelings. Isn't—isn't it wrong?"
Hyunjin shakes his head. "It could never be wrong, when it comes to you and me."
***
Hyunjin thinks he's the happiest he's ever been. Nothing much changes about their relationship, except for stolen kisses behind closed doors. Eventually, they take the next step, exploring each other's bodies with their hands and mouths. Hyunjin feels like he could explode with love.
He is sated. Content.
***
Their idyll is interrupted when North Korea crosses the border June 25, 1950, and throws their insulated university world into chaos.
Hyunjin feels his heart sink when he sees Seungmin packing up his room. He shouldn't have been so lax, so lulled into a false sense of security. Tragedy always seems to dog their relationship.
"Where are you going?" Hyunjin asks, deliberately keeping his tone light.
Seungmin smiles, but it's tight. "I…was never quite completely honest with you. It seems silly now in retrospect, because I don't think you would have judged me, but…I'm from a little farm just north of the 38th parallel." Seungmin pauses to let that sink in. North.
"I was allowed to come study at Seoul National University as a sign of goodwill between the two nations. Now that North Korea has attacked, though, that's all moot. I was notified to leave today."
Hyunjin bites his lip. "What's going to happen to you, Seungminnie? Are they going to conscript you? Are they going to look harshly upon you because you've spent time in the south?"
Seungmin shrugs. "I don't know," he responds simply. Resolute and brave, as always.
Hyunjin feels his heart ache. "So this is it, then," he says, apropos of nothing.
Seungmin nods.
The kiss they share that day is soft, tender, tasting of salty tears. Hyunjin isn't even sure which of the two of them is crying. He thinks they might both be.
As Hyunjin watches Seungmin walk away again, he hopes that next time, they will meet under more favorable circumstances. Better luck next time, as they say.
***
70 Years Later, 2018
It's a lonely seventy years. Perpetually eighteen, Hyunjin never stays in one place for long, switching between working and schooling.
Hyunjin meets Seungmin for the fourth time when they quite literally run into each other in a coffee shop, both on break from their internships in interior decorating and law, respectively.
"I'm so sorry!" Seungmin says. Seungmin meets Hyunjin's eyes, and Hyunjin is pleased to see that Seungmin's eyes are as kind as ever. Seungmin flushes.
Hyunjin smiles beneficently. "No worries, especially if you give me your number."
Seungmin lets out an undignified squawk at that but ultimately capitulates, fishing out a business card from his breast pocket and jotting down his cell phone number with a pen. He hands the card to Hyunjin, who smiles victoriously. Kim Seungmin, intern, the card reads.
"I look forward to spending more time with you, and getting to know you, Kim Seungmin," Hyunjin says.
***
Hyunjin hums, daydreaming about spending time with this incarnation of Seungmin as he leaves the coffee shop. It's jarring when he comes across a crash scene, yellow police tape haphazardly cordoning off the area. He feels his heart sink when he recognizes Seungmin, lying still and bloodied on the pavement, the goddess of death, Bari Gongju, standing over him, preparing to lead him to the underworld.
Hyunjin hesitates. Seungmin wasn't led to the underworld in 1919. Swallowing down his fear, he approaches the goddess.
"Goddess," he intones, bowing ninety degrees respectfully.
She turns around and looks at him. "Ah, it's you, Hyunjin. Hwanin's son."
Hyunjin swallows, never having had his parentage confirmed before. "If you don't mind me asking, why—why have you come to him? He's reincarnated three times before."
Bari Gongju nods brusquely. "Yes, it's determined that he has completed his cycles of reincarnation. This was his last incarnation, and now I will be leading his soul to the underworld."
Hyunjin was wrong. What he experienced before wasn't pain. This—this feeling of his soul being ripped apart, this was pain. If he thought their previous separations were difficult to bear, Hyunjin stuck in the world of the living while Seungmin was in the world of the dead is infinitely more nightmarish.
"Please!" Hyunjin begs, overly forward and holding on to the goddess's arm. "Please, you can't take him away. Please let him have one more incarnation. Please give me one more chance to be with him," Hyunjin pleads, tears streaming down his cheeks.
The goddess looks at Hyunjin, and he wonders if he is imagining the kindness he sees there. "I know what it's like to do anything for those that you love," she says finally. "Very well. He will reincarnate one more time. But that will be the last time. Do you understand?"
Hyunjin nods.
***
Interlude, 2018
It's 2018, and nobody believes in the old gods anymore, although they still exist. Hyunjin kicks himself, wondering how he has never thought about this before. He sets up a shrine in his home and prays to Hwanin.
At first, Hyunjin almost gives up hope, but then he hears a voice in his mind that is not his own.
"Hello, my son," the voice says. "I'm surprised it took over five hundred years for you to consider speaking to me."
Hyunjin shrugs. "Seungmin was always the smarter one out of the two of us," he replies mentally.
"That may be true," Hwanin says. "Why are you coming to me, my son?"
"I want to renounce my immortality," Hyunjin requests. Beseeches, really.
"Hmmm," Hwanin replies. "I suspected you might ask that."
Hyunjin recklessly barrels forward. "Whenever I meet Seungmin again, I want to be made mortal. I want to grow old with him. I know this is a gift, but it has brought me nothing but trouble and sorrow."
"You really love that boy, don't you?" Hwanin asks, rhetorically. "Very well. I will do so at your behest."
***
70 Years Later, 2088
Hyunjin feels a little nervous as he steps out of the spaceship. In the intervening years, the earth has become progressively more inhospitable, and he has just taken a flight to one of the Earth's colonies on Mars.
"Hi, I'm Seungmin," he hears a friendly voice say. "Welcome to Mars! I've lived here for about five years, and I hope I can help your transition from Earth go a little smoother." Seungmin smiles broadly at Hyunjin, his kind eyes curving into crescents, then does a double take.
"This probably sounds super weird since we just met, but I had a dream about someone who looked just like you," Seungmin says, frowning. "I only remember bits and pieces of the dream…the Joseon dynasty…protesting…studying together…exchanging phone numbers. Weird, isn't it?" Seungmin asks self-consciously. "Especially since, like I said, I'm pretty sure we've never met before. Supposedly we only dream about people we've met."
"Who knows?" Hyunjin asks lightly. "Maybe we have met before."
After all, they'll have all the time in the world to talk about it.