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The dream starts out normal, or as normal as it can get in the mind of the aspiring star Tsukasa. A dark feeling blooms within him as soon as he sees nothing but the door to the 2-B classroom, surrounded by pitch darkness. Tsukasa wants to wake up, he knows what waits for him beyond this door yet his body moves on it own. He doesn’t want to see it, the thought already making him sick to his stomach.
The door loudly creeks, echoing in Tsukasa’s ears. The room is empty. He steps inside the room and tries to shake off the uncomfortable feeling off of him, his shoes loud against the hard wood of the floor. Unlike the darkness that lurks in front of the door, the room is lit up by the afternoon sun outside, sky fading into a nice pink and orange hue. The thin curtains flow nicely as one of the windows is fully opened, letting the fresh air in.
That’s when Tsukasa notices a letter on one of the desks as he was approaching the window. Tsukasa’s fear is determined to be valid once he saw that the piece of paper was a letter but not just any letter. A letter from Kamishiro Rui, addressed to Tsukasa and the others, announcing his upcoming death. Tsukasa’s breath hitches and he lets the letter slip away from his hands as he then rushes over to the window, looking down.
Ah.
There is Rui. His friend. His bandmate. His crush.
But he’s dead. Blood is seeping from his, most likely, already cold body. Tsukasa continues to stare. This is a dream, nothing about this is real. Everything about this is wrong. Tsukasa is probably laying in bed right now, sleeping and Rui is in his own, doing whatever but he’s fine and alive. Not dead, not what Tsukasa’s mind has been trying to trick him into thinking for the last weeks. Months.
Even from so far up, Tsukasa can see the beautiful golden eyes, the usual clean red eyeliner now smudged and the life practically sucked away. Tears fall, why is his brain producing such horrible images? Is Tsukasa secretly some psychopath and he hasn’t even figured it himself out yet. He feels like passing out, and so he does.
His vision becomes blurry before turning black, and then he’s suddenly sitting up in his bed. Awoken with a shriek, Tsukasa stares at the wall before him for a moment to collect himself and comprehend what just happened. It really was just a nightmare, no wonder. Yet why did it feel so real? Why does it still make his heart ache terribly? Seeing Rui’s face like that, so lifeless.
A noise is heard from the right, Tsukasa turns to look and sees his younger sister Saki standing there, a look of worry on her face. “Tsukasa, are you alright? I heard you–“ - “No need to worry, Saki! I’m all good, it was.. just a bad dream, that’s all.” Tsukasa tries to shake her off but he can tell that Saki doesn’t really buy it. This wasn’t the first time this has happened after all. The first time it did was almost two months ago and ever since this same incident has kept increasing worryingly.
“Alright, Tsukasa..” She accepts it and then turns to leave again after wishing him a good night. It’s not like Tsukasa lied or anything, in fact he was always telling the truth because in actuality those were just bad dream but he just doesn’t want to talk to someone about it. There is no need to talk about this. Tsukasa can deal with this himself, the least thing he wants to do is worry someone especially Saki who already has enough problems of her own.
He takes a glance towards his tear stained pillow, the fear settling in again. Tsukasa seems to have grown a small fear of falling asleep because of these returning nightmares. But he is so tired. The boy looks over to his nightstand, his phone charging. Unsure, Tsukasa grabs his phone and switches it on, the light blinding him for a second. 2:34 am. Pulling up his messages he stops at Rui’s profile.
His last message was from yesterday. “good job today ;)” Rui has sent, referring to Tsukasa’s acting at practice. Should he text him? Make sure he is fine? But would he even reply or even see the message? It is early in the morning after all. Tsukasa might as well give it a try, his curiosity taking over.
“hey :)”
Tsukasa wants to scream. He feels so pathetic. Was he really stressing about whether Rui is alive or not just because of a stupid nightmare he had. A ringing noise from his phone brings him back and he’s surprised to see that Rui has actually replied.
“why are you still awake at this hour?? shouldnt you be getting your beauty sleep ^^”
A certain heat creeps up to Tsukasa’s face, mostly from embarrassment due to Rui calling him out.
“i could ask you the same thing” Tsukasa types out, waiting for the other boy’s response.
“im working on a new invention” Tsukasa frowns, of course he was. Rui seriously needs to calm down from working all the time.
“you should go to bed, rui, it’s late and you shouldn’t push yourself too hard!” He resembles more the sound of a worried mother than an almost 18 year old.
“oh? since when are you so worried about me?? but i guess if precious tsukasa wants me to D”;”
Tsukasa pretends the word ‘precious’ doesn’t make his heart flutter and then wishes him a good night, completely dodging the question. Rui is fine. He was just working but now he’s going to sleep. And tomorrow (or in a few hours) he’ll see him and they’ll hang out, eat lunch with Nene on the rooftop, and let him admire his work.
Tsukasa sighs, he has barely moved yet feels so exhausted, mentally and physically. The amount of sleep he missed out on because of the nightmares are noticeably piling up on him until they’ll eventually crush him.
He connects his phone to his charger again before slipping back under the comforting covers, closing his eyes.
Hopefully there will be no more nightmares for this night. Or ever.
┆ ° ♡ • ➵ ✩ ◛ °
Tsukasa is resting his head on top of his arms, almost falling asleep on one of the many school benches with desks attached to them. Something small drops onto the table and rolls in Tsukasa’s direction. The blonde boy looks up “-what..?” Eyes still half closed before they focus on the small thing, a piece of soda candy.
He looks up and sees Rui sitting across of him, a smile on his face. “For you.” He simply says and Tsukasa takes the piece of candy. He usually doesn’t accept them from other people as he thought soda candy was too sweet but he’d never tell Rui that.
"Thank you." He looks at it for a while in his hand, a small marshmallow shaped thing.
"Tsukasa-kun.. Are you alright?" Oh. Tsukasa suppresses the urge to spill the truth at that, instead nodding before swiftly chugging the piece of candy down his throat – the sweetness of the candy rather leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. Tsukasa isn't quite sure if it was because of his distaste for soda candy or because he was simply upset. Rui then grins before then pulling out his notebook, simply enjoying the atmosphere — or maybe he is already scheming away with how he is going to blow up Tsukasa next show.
Tsukasa glances at his friend, fresh air blowing through his purple hair, golden eyes scanning through different plans that stretched themselves throughout the whole notebook. Those same golden eyes that come to haunt Tsukasa every night, how much he used to love looking into them freely without feeling this darkness that lurks deep within his mind, reminding him of these awful made up scenarios.
"Are you sure you're fine, Tsukasa-kun?" Rui tries to reassure, rather to himself, as his best friend is acting rather weird today.. not that he usually wasn't but these past weeks there has to be something that's been bothering Tsukasa. He has been slacking, a little quieter, eyes seeming more tired and not as mesmerizing and sparkling as they were when Rui first met him – or watched him through the drone.. "Yeah, I am! No need to worry. I just.. haven't slept that well."
"Fufu.. Could tell by the way you decided to text me at almost three in the morning." Rui mentions jokingly and he could see Tsukasa smile at that, but there is something off. Something almost tragic about that smile as if it reminded him of something. "I just.. uh.. wanted to make sure you were asleep.. That's all. You usually go to bed late and then show up to school half dead— I mean, tired. Y-Yeah." Yup, there's totally something going on in this blonde boy's head because usual Tsukasa would never stumble upon his own words like that.
Maybe this Tsukasa in front of him isn't real and the actual one got kidnapped by a bunch of aliens that needed a great leader to eventually take over the whole world. That seemed like a reasonable explanation — and also a great idea for a new show, Tsukasa being kidnapped by aliens, how amazing!
"Ohh, Tsukasa-kun, you needn't worry at all about me! Your health goes first. How are we as a group supposed to progress without our energetic leader?" Though to most people Rui would sound sarcastic, he is genuine and Tsukasa knows that. Simply giving him another smile, he couldn't help but utter something under his breath. "I sure hope so." – "What? Sorry, I couldn't quite catch that." Rui leans forward, and Tsukasa feels his face heat up at the way Rui looks at him – quickly rushing to cover his face with his hands. "Nothing, I didn't say anything important! Anyway, I need to go now – I'll see you then."
Almost tripping, Tsukasa rushes to gather his stuff and leaves the area, Rui looking after him. How bizzare. Hopefully the blonde doesn't try to pull anything stupid.
┆ ° ♡ • ➵ ✩ ◛ °
He's in middle school. That's all Tsukasa could tell when he looked at himself in one of the many mirror shards that are scattered across the floor. He looks much younger, hair fluffier and not to mention the stuffy black uniform he had on.
It's all grey, no color anywhere. Except for his hands, covered in a deep red. He looks at his surroundings he's obviously home. The mirror shards belonging to his own full-length mirror that someone had broken. Getting up from his sitting position off the floor, he decides to venture through his, seemingly, empty home. It's quiet, almost deafening to the ears. He goes downstairs, stairs creeking loudly. Immediately some things throw him off.
The family pictures. They only contained him. His parents and sister weren't there. He wore his school uniform, holding an empty stare towards the camera. Every other photo that usually was there is replaced with this one. Tsukasa feels himself slightly creeped out but knows to stay calm, this all isn't real – it didn't even feel real. This particular theme continued. One pair of shoes by the door, a singular chair by the dining table, other rooms where his family members normally resigned in non existent and Tsukasa is only met with a brick wall.
Though Tsukasa should be worried about what the meaning of this was, somehow he isn't all that bothered. This loneliness.. didn't feel unfamiliar.
Suddenly a stream of light accompanied by the sound of a door opening comes from the other side of the room, the bathroom. Tsukasa hesitates in his movement. He already knows what's lurking behind that door, waiting to engulf Tsukasa in its tragedy, this has happened so often. It's kind of alluring. Tsukasa can't look away. He reaches for the door handle and pulls it fully open.
His socks are wet. Water is flowing. Overflowing from the already full bathtub. He fully turns towards the bathtub. The water is red, Rui's arms sticking out along with the top of his head. His shoulder length hair spreading along the surface of the water. Arms decorated with slashes and cuts, blood dripping onto the wet floor. Tsukasa stares. Unknowingly, some sobs manage to come out. When did he start crying? He knew this was coming as soon as he 'awoke'.
Body moving on its own, Tsukasa bends over to heave Rui's body out of the tub. He climbs into it, water sloshing loudly onto the floor from the additional weight. Slightly straddling him, Tsukasa puts his arms beneath his arms, desperately trying to pull him out. Rui's face is unrecognizable yet Tsukasa can't help but still feel this desperation to save him. He's dead but he can't leave him here.
Covered in water and Rui's blood he can't get a tight grasp onto him to pull him out. His energy is depleting, and so Tsukasa gives up. The water is ice cold, and so is Rui's body as he just lays on top of it. He's so tired. And even though he seems so calm, his mind is going haywire. He's sick for this whether dream or reality, laying on top of his best friend's dead body as if he were simply a cushion. Though not really comforting, actually just inducing even more anxiety.
Suddenly something crashes, voices and loud footsteps. There's people! Tsukasa feels himself sit up immediately and suddenly there are multiple guns pointed towards his head. Huh? He simply stares at the group of men in front of him. Police men. He feels himself hoisted up from the water, the air uncomfortably hitting his body clad in wet clothing. His hands are immediately cuffed behind his back as he's brought outside, neighbors and other people such as paramedics are standing in front of the house.
What is even happening anymore? People are being loud, screaming at him, not being gentle in the slightest as they push him around. Call him a monster, disgusting.. a murderer. He watches from the police car as paramedics rush in and soon he sees something big with a white sheet covering it be carried outside the house. That's Rui. Tsukasa understands now. He killed Rui. Ah. Very funny. Very funny, brain.
A new one indeed. Usually Rui died by suicide, accidents but this time the cause of his death was.. Tsukasa himself. What a cruel joke. A camera got up to his face and then a white flash blinded him. When will this ever end?
┆ ° ♡ • ➵ ✩ ◛ °
It's a nice summer day, sky a beautiful blue tint with barely any clouds in sight. Sunrays nicely shining down on him as he calmly walks down the streets. Rui is in a good mood today which lately wasn't all too rare with him finally being able to live out his hobby and a group of friends supporting him. He hopes to meet up with his dear Tsukasa-kun today, the poor boy seems to have been stressed about something lately – maybe they'll hang out with Nene too and play video games. Though Tsukasa has never been the best at them..
He walks by Tsukasa's classroom and.. is surprised to find his seat empty. That's unusual. Tsukasa felt rarely sick and if he did he'd loudly complain about it in their shared group chat. Maybe, he just didn't feel like coming to school today. But that also doesn't quite fit his character. He wouldn't just skip class.. would he? A knock on the glass startles him and he finds the whole classroom staring back at him with unamused faces through the window.
Rui swiftly turns and keeps walking, gulping down the slight embarrassment from being caught gawking. He has a free hour to waste, might as well spend it at his favorite spot in school. The rooftop. Except when he gets there he finds his usual seat occupied by someone else already. "Ah.. Tsukasa-kun, you're here!" The blonde boy turns to the other in shock, a pink tint dusting his cheeks as he tries to gather words to say.
"Oh, Rui! Hello.. Didn't expect you to be here." A lie, even a toddler could tell at this rate. "Hmm.. Could say the same thing about you, Tsukasa-kun. Aren't you the one who should be in class right now?" A little child who has been caught secretly stealing candy is how Tsukasa looked right now. But soon the troubled expression turned sour as he adverts his gaze. "I felt a little under the weather." He replies, scooting away to make space for Rui who gladly sits down beside him.
Rui looks down, seeing Tsukasa's hand balled up into a tense fist pressed down against the bench. Oh, how badly he just wants to reach out, hold it and rub soothing circles across the back of his hand like they do in these cheesy "cute" romance movies Mizuki forced him to watch. "You know, Tsukasa-kun, I don't really want to push you to say anything but.. if there's something bothering you I'm willing to listen." He turns his gaze towards the blonde boy, only to be met by the other's teary eyes.
"Tsukasa-kun—!" - "Are..- Are you real?"
Huuuuh?
Rui tilts his head in confusion. "Pretty sure I am." He tries to smile at his friend but the other begins to grip at his right arm with both hands like a life line, leaving him shocked. "Tsu—" "You're lying! But why are you alive? You can't be real! Please someone wake me up already." Rui is distraught, eyes wide as he looks down at his friend who has now slipped off the bench, crying at his knees. His voice cracks along with his loud sobbing and Rui doesn't know what to do.
"This isn't funny! This all isn't real!"
He has never seen Tsukasa like this before, or even anyone. "Tsukasa-kun, you're awake! I assure you that I'm very much real and this isn't some weird.. dream?" He isn't sure what Tsukasa meant but he isn't calming down, his breathing is erratic and before Rui could even say another thing, he slumps to the ground. What? He passed out. "Tsukasa!" Rui quickly looks around, they're the only ones on the rooftop. He needs to get help immediately.
┆ ° ♡ • ➵ ✩ ◛ °
Tsukasa dreamt of a burning house today. He was standing in front of it, holding his phone. He could hear Rui's voice on the other line, crying for help before it all went down. He doesn't know what to do anymore. These nightmares don't set him off anymore yet he still hates them. He opened his eyes, a hospital room. He's in the hospital, why? Or is this another dream? Or was the one with Rui burning to death actually reality and Tsukasa passed out due to the smoke? Maybe. He isn't really sure anymore.
"Tsukasa-kun!" Tsukasa shrieks and looks to his left and sees Saki sitting by his bed. What an unusual situation. "Oh my god, I'm glad you're alright! You really worried everyone, you know?" I guess I did, Tsukasa thinks to himself but his words didn't leave his mouth. "A guy from your school named Kamishiro called an ambulance for you, you should thank him later." Saki rests her head by her brother's arm who then goes ahead and strokes her hair, more for his comfort than hers.
"Rui.." He whispers to himself, a dark feeling settling in. His vision starts to blur. So, this was real after all.. Tsukasa's eyes begin to tear up from guilt, shame and embarrassment. He doesn't know what to do anymore, this was never supposed to happen. "There really is something bothering you, brother, you must talk about it." She's serious and Tsukasa knows she's right too but yet.. he can't. He can't talk about it. What will people think? They'll probably think he's some sick weirdo. Who in the world dreams about their best friend dying over and over again and sometimes even being the cause of it.
"I'm scared." Is all what Tsukasa can say before laying back down again. Saki goes ahead to wipe her brother's tears away with a tissue, not quite understanding what he means. "Scared of what?" Saki carefully asks, watching his face quietly. "Of falling asleep." He then confesses. "I keep having these dreams.." He continues and Saki simply listens. "This.. Kamishiro guy is actually one of my best friends that I was talking about.. I keep dreaming about–" Tsukasa feels overwhelmed, though it's only him and his sister his words still get stuck in his throat until he eventually chokes on them and begins crying.
"Ssshhh, it's alright." She brushes some of her brother's bangs away. "Here I'll get you a cup of water and then you can continue, okay?" Saki suggests before getting up from her chair. But when she opens the door. "Oh, it's you!" Saki exclaims and Tsukasa frowns. Who? "Oh hello, I just wanted to see if Tsukasa-kun is alright." Tsukasa can hear Rui suddenly say, his voice weirdly soothing yet bringing up horrible memories. This same voice has cried helplessly numerous of times in his nightmares. But in reality, Rui's voice made him feel all warm and soft. It's weird.
"He seems fine, don't worry but I don't know if he's ready for any visitors outside of family." Saki admits, making Rui slightly tilt his head. "May I at least get to say hello?" Tsukasa now sees Saki look back at him and he simply nods, not sure if this answer would backfire later. "Sure then. I'll quickly get a glass of water for Tsukasa then." She says and then the door closes. It's quiet for a moment before Rui steps into his view. He looks odd. He's wearing his casual clothing, and his hair is a little messier than usual. "Hey." Rui begins to move towards Tsukasa who quietly lays there, eyes only half open and red from crying. "Do you feel better now..?" He plops his backpack carefully besides the bed and takes a seat on Saki's chair.
Rui feels a little awkward. Tsukasa is just staring at him, gaze empty. After a while he speaks up. "I'm sorry.." Confused, Rui stops fiddling with his sleeves. "For what?" He asks. "For.. I don't know, going insane I guess.." Tsukasa presses his lips into a thin line, his face getting red from just thinking about it. "You don't really need to apologize, you know? Listen, Tsukasa-kun, I don't know what's bothering you but I'll help you the best way I can because.." Rui stops for a bit, Tsukasa can tell he's thinking whether he should continue his sentence or not.
"Because.. It really hurt seeing you like that. I don't know if I– my heart can handle it again." A red color spreads itself throughout Rui's face. This is surely.. "..a dream." Tsukasa murmurs. His friend looks at him. "No..?" – "This– This is a love confession, isn't it? This has to be a dream then!" Tsukasa speaks confidently, squeezing his eyes shut and Rui snorts in amusement. "A love confession? Who said anything about love? I mean, it is true I do adore my dear Tsukasa-kun." Tsukasa's face has never felt so hot, and his guess is that one can clearly see it too by the way Rui begins to chuckle. He's so embarrassed, he doesn't know if he wants it to be a dream or reality. His dear Tsukasa-kun?
"Do you love me, dear Tsukasa-kun?"
He's about to melt. Fade away and be one with the wind and never look back. He always wanted this but he isn't sure if he should succumb. If this is still a nightmare surely as soon as he says yes, Rui will probably be struck by lightning or something. But if this is reality..
"I..- I do love you, Rui. A lot." He said, he actually said it! Tsukasa feels like he's about to die, his heart beating strongly against his ribcage. "Then I shall love you twice as much, Tsukasa-kun." Rui's eyes are.. so alive - filled with emotions none of his nightmares could ever replicate. This is real. His love for Tsukasa is real. Tsukasa scrambles to sit up, realizing how stupid and unappealing he must've looked just laying there like a sack of rice but Rui stops him.
"It's fine, Tsukasa, just rest for now. We'll talk about it later." Should he say it? Tsukasa doesn't want to seem too desperate but he has been wanting this for months now, ever since their first actual Wonderlands x Showtime performance. "Can I– Ugh, Can I at least get a kiss?" His frustration gets the better of him as he unknowingly whined a little, dear god. But Rui looks extremely flustered, his sore loser self never really having a partner or a first kiss at that. "U-Uhm.. Sure? I guess so— I don't know.. Okay."
He then goes ahead to lean forward, looking Tsukasa deeply into his eyes. Slightly hovering over him, Rui places both of his hands by Tsukasa's head before bending down to kiss him. Tsukasa truly knows now what people meant when they say sappy shit like 'butterflies flying or fireworks exploding in their stomachs' even though what Tsukasa is feeling right now goes even beyond that. This just feels right. Same goes for Rui, all his previous doubts right out the window as soon his lips touched the blonde one's. His heart close to bursting.
"Aha."
Rui practically jumps off of Tsukasa, almost falling to the ground as he hastily looks back to Tsukasa's sister in the doorway with two unknown adults behind her. Someone please shoot him dead right away. "And what do you think you were doing just now, young man?" The woman points towards Rui. "Uh, I was–" "It's alright, Mom, I wanted it." Tsukasa simply yawns, cheeks still flustered and eyes closed as if he were ready to doze off any second now. "Hm.. Alright." She then nods before heading over to sit by her son's side. Saki looks over to Rui who's now moving to leave the room. Guess it's his time to leave.
"I'll leave now, Tsukasa-kun! We'll see us at school then and get well soon." He smiles and waves, Tsukasa already fallen asleep by his family's side and Saki returning his wave for him.
Rui now stands outside the hospital room. Ah. Does this mean he has a boyfriend now? Was Tsukasa's mom about to beat the shit out of him if Tsukasa didn't say anything? What an unusual day. He'll text his best friend.. His boyfriend? Later then.
┆ ° ♡ • ➵ ✩ ◛ °
After explaining everything to Saki alone, Tsukasa dreamed again tonight as usual. But this dream is different. He's in the same classroom as before where he found Rui laying dead outside the window but this time, Rui is sitting on top of one of the many desks. He looks out of the window and Tsukasa begins to approach him with hesitating steps. There's no way these nightmares are going to continue..
Rui's back faces him and there is a letter on one of the desk but this time it's not a suicide note, it's a love letter. His face is getting warm.
Rui turns to look back, eyes meeting Tsukasa's and he smiles wholeheartedly, patting the desk besides his. Tsukasa joins him, their hands slightly touching, making his skin tingle. "Isn't the sky beautiful today, Tsukasa-kun?" He then asks and Tsukasa nods. The sky is a nice pink to orange tone, a sunset so beautiful it's out of this world. "I'm glad you think so too." Rui grabs Tsukasa's hand and intertwines their fingers. The blonde feels like it's getting hard to breathe. The atmosphere is warm, loving and calm. Tsukasa could've never asked for anything more. If the two were able to do something like this in reality too?
He can't wait to figure it out.