Work Text:
I hit the ground with a thud. Shooting a glance over my shoulder I clambered to get back onto my feet. His footsteps thundered against the pavement swirling around in my ears with the sound of my heaving lungs releasing exasperated breaths, and the sound of my heart pounding against my rib cage begging to be set free from its crimson and ivory prison. The pain in my side ebbing in waves spreading across my abdomen as I continued sprinting down the boulevard, I glanced over my shoulder once again to find no one behind me.
Confused, I turned around. Before I could even think, my pursuer jumped out of the shadows of the alley at me. Feeling my heart leap into my throat I lunged forward, being brought back into the cold tranquil darkness of my bedroom.
Sitting drenched in my own sweat, jaw wide gasping for the air that fled my lungs in a hurry. My trembling hands made their way to harshly rub sleep from my eyes, smearing it across my cheeks and down my jawline. My fingers tangling themselves in my mane of loose curls no doubt sticking out in all directions after the dream I'd just had. I shuddered at the thought, feeling warm tears prick my already watery eyes. I flinched as the bed shook lightly as the raven Haired man beside me stirred lightly letting out a soft groan, lifting a lazy hand to feel around the surface of the bed before making contact with the small of my back sending shivers up my spine as the tears began to spill.
"mh..Kyle?" my head snapped around watching as the other man slowly raised a hand to rub his eye, furrowing his brows as he slowly woke up.
"I'm sorry love," I whispered as I turned to face Stan, "I didn't mean to wake you." I mumbled quickly attempting to flick the tears away with my wrist. His expression faltered, softening as he processed everything. in the moment.
"Baby," he started gently, his voice still husky with sleep, making my ears tingle as he spoke, "what's wrong?" He prompted as he quickly sat up in bed dark blue orbs fixated intently on mine.
"nightmare.." I muttered as I flicked my eyes over to the window. I felt the tears building up in my eyes again, but a warm hand with calloused fingertips gently pressed into my jawline turning my head so I faced my lover once more. the tears I'd been fighting slipped down my face as I bit my lip watching as Stan scanned my face. I choked out a ragged sob as images that ought to be long buried ran through the back of my mind. Stan's eyebrows knitted together in frantic concern before quickly raising his other hand so both his hands cupped my face. calloused thumbs brushing gently over my cheeks attempting to wipe away my tears. he pulled my face towards him, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead, the tip of my nose and my cheek making me giggle through my sobs.
"I'm sorry honey that must have been awful" he mumbled as he wrapped his warm arms around my smaller frame. "kyle baby, you're freezing, come here."
I watched as he lifted the blanket and pulled me into his chest in one movement. Stan leaned up against the pillows as I straddled his hips wrapping my arms around his neck burying myself between his neck and the prickly surface of his chin because of the stubble. The same stubble he’d insisted on keeping because he swore he could grow a beard but clearly couldn't. I laid still, sniffling, hiding my face in the other man's chest. I felt a small smile tug at the corners of my lips as I felt Stan sweep the curls out of my face, pressing a sloppy, sleepy kiss to my forehead.
"I hate you.." I groaned as I wiped the slobber off my forehead.
"oh really?" stan challenged. Confused, I glanced up to see the smirk on my lover's face before he utterly assaulted my face, peppering every inch of it with kisses. I giggled cupping the back of his head as he rested his forehead against mine. "How 'bout now, hmm?"
"I don't know, it seems kinda fake if you ask me." I pouted.
“You are such a liar.” the other man groaned, pressing his forehead into mine. A small smile crept its way onto my face as I cupped his face pulling him in so that his chapped lips met mine, I smiled as he kissed back lips hungry despite their activities just hours prior. I giggled softly as he bit my lip causing him to pull away with a goofy smile. Still cupping his face I pressed a soft kiss to his cupid’s bow.
“Fine, I love you stanley marsh.” I stated as he grinned.
“That's my boy.” he said, pecking my lips once more,”I love you too.” his expression quickly switched to a serious one as his gaze softened. “I’m not just going to forget what happened though, are you sure you’re alright baby” I nodded sleepily as I relaxed in his arms nuzzling into his chest.
“Don’t wanna talk about it.” I mumbled.
“Okay.” stan sighed, dropping the topic. “Are you feeling any better?”
“Yeah, I’m sorry I woke you up though.” I mumbled.
“Hey don’t sweat it, that’s what I’m here for isn’t it?” his fingers rubbed small circles into my back as he softly spoke. I shook my head.
“You’re here to be my big beefy boy toy.” I remarked earning a pinch from the other man.
“Shut up.” Stan smiled, shaking his head. Letting out a big yawn, I felt his body relax underneath me. “We have to be up in the morning so we should probably try to sleep some more, yeah?” he asked, dipping his head so his tired eyes could meet with mine. I nodded sleepily, closing my eyes.
“Goodnight my love.” I smiled, breathing in the scent of cheap cologne and weed, stan’s signature scent.
“Goodnight, baby boy.” he mumbled.
22 hr :06 min : 15 sec
“Okay baby, i’ve gotta run, my dad wants me to run deliveries with him today, but I’ll be back by eight to pick you up for this weekend.” Stan rambled as he haphazardly poured coffee into his travel mug. He kept shooting glances at the clock every few seconds like it would suddenly jump from six forty-five in the morning to three in the afternoon. I watched as he quickly opened up the cupboard pulling out one of my house mugs adding milk and honey. The way I like it. I watched as he slowly walked the cup to me, focusing a little too hard on making sure the cup didn’t spill anywhere. As he set the cup on the coaster he leaned down, tipping his head to press a soft kiss to my forehead, then my lips. “I’m sorry we won’t see each other much this week but I swear I’ll make up for it when I bring you down to the farm, my parents have been dying to see you again.” he smiled.
“It’s okay babe. I’ll see you later, Love you.” I flashed him a tired smile.
‘God I love you so much it’s hard to leave but I have to so I can get back as soon as possible,” he realized he was rambling again and cut himself off, stealing one last kiss before he slung his messenger bag over his shoulder, grabbing his coat and hat as he slipped out the door.
I shook my head with a grin before I noticed the sense of impending doom climbing onto my shoulders.
I stared blankly at the clock, I watched as the hands flicked the minutes away racing to reach the dreaded hour of five before I chickened out. I hadn't told Stan where I was going, and while I felt guilty about it I felt it would be easier than to have to deal with Stan's typical habit of jumping to conclusions. Glancing at the phone hanging on the wall, I considered calling Craig to tell him I’d fallen ill, that my car broke down, that my boss called me in to work overtime, that the fish that I don’t have died and I need to grieve and would not make it to dinner. Anything to get out of having to see Craig again, to get out of having to go back to that awful house. The lump in the back of my throat sinking down to the pit of my stomach as I watched the minute hand line up with the second hand. My pulse quickened as the thuds of my heart against my chest grew heavier, climbing up the side of my neck to thunder in my ears against the otherwise peaceful silence of the kitchen.
The soft pitter patter of Jasmin's paws padding across the pale tile filled my ears as I woke from my anxiety ridden state. I opened my mouth to greet the tortoiseshell as she vaulted onto the table, knocking my glass of orange juice over in the process. I watched as the feline frantically backed away from the spilled juice, but only to knock the open cereal box off the table sending lucky charms flying across the floor. For a few minutes I just sat there wondering if all that really happened, but the yellow liquid dripping off the edge of the table, the cat sprinting out of the room and the tiny pieces of cereal and dehydrated marshmallows decorating the floor assured me that it did. I shot a glance at the doorway to the kitchen to see my cat staring back at me flicking her tail in annoyance.
“Don’t look at me like that, you made this mess you klutz.” I scoffed, only receiving a soft mew in response. Sighing I knelt down. Picking up the cereal box and setting it back on the table, I began scooping the cereal off the floor.
15 hr : 49 min : 23 sec
“I need the ‘88 midterm survey report by Thursday Mr. Broflovski, make it happen. Do not let me down this time because this will be the last time you do. If you catch my drift.” Mrs. Benson snarkily noted in that sickeningly sweet tone she takes with anyone who’s let her down one too many times.
“Evil witch,” I muttered to myself as I watched her sashay out of the annex. The landline on my desk erupted in a tantrum letting me know there was someone on my line. There’s not supposed to be anyone on my line. That is, unless it’s my boss biting my head off about yet another missed deadline because I’m the biggest disappointment she’s allowed into her company, or whatever she’s claiming about me these days. Picking up the phone I let out the most unenthused “Hello” I could muster, immediately feeling a rush of heat wash over my chest, neck and face in embarrassment. However, there was no response. Instead I heard a thud followed by some shuffling. Rolling my eyes, I sighed.
“Yes Craig, what is it now?”
“Oh, hey Kyle!” He gasped, “so how’s it going?”
“I’m at work actually. You know, the place I told you to never, under any circumstances call?” I Scolded hearing more shuffling followed by a crinkling bag and the sound of a zipper closing.
“Oh that’s right you did say that didn’t you?”
“Yes, several times.” I frowned.
“Well that’s my bad it’s just been so long I must have forgotten,” before he could even attempt to finish his whole guilt tripping spiel I cut him off.
“What do you want Craig?” I groaned, tipping back in my office chair so that I could look out the window overlooking the bay.
“Right to the point, huh? I really thought we could just talk like friends again.” He chuckled nervously before clearing his voice. “Well I was just calling you to remind you that dinner is still at my house at six, just in case you happen to have forgotten.”
“Hmm nope definitely didn’t forget, now if that’s all I really need to get back to work before my boss kills me. I really don’t have time to be talking to you right now.” The silence on the other end of the line was only filled by another nervous chuckle. I clicked my pen in annoyance. As I watched the way the sun shimmered as it hit the surface water.
“Right okay, see you at six, don’t be late old friend.” He remarked his tone twisting into something familiar and yet uncomfortable as I heard the click indicating that he’d hung up. Spiders crawled up my spine and down my arms as tiny mountain ranges formed on the surface of my skin. Fighting back the resurgence of my breakfast I set the phone back in its spot and turned back to the black IM PC-RT screen. Something brewed in the pit of my stomach begging me to reconsider, maybe it was a sense of impending doom, maybe it was my better instincts either way I didn’t listen.
God, I wish I would have listened to my instincts.
12 hr : 00 min : 00 sec
I stood violently still on the cracked sidewalk staring up at that house. That sickeningly inviting warm lighting bleeding through the cracks in between the white backs of the blackout curtains covering every window. I considered backing out last minute but I was already here and I needed to get this over with. Using the last ounce of courage I had left, I raised a shaky hand to grasp the brass knocker below the peep hole. Before I could even knock, the door swung open ripping the knocker right out of my hand.
“Kyle! I’m so glad you could make it!” Craig beamed, “don’t be shy, come right in, dinner’s almost ready, make yourself at home.” he said, stepping aside to let me in. “I’ll be back with dinner In just a moment, I promise it’ll be worth the wait.” He smiled as he closed the door behind me, returning to the kitchen. I bit my lip holding back a laugh as I watched the loose curls on the top of his head that appeared to be a tupe, bounce with his strides.
He may have been abusive, but the fact that he started losing his hair at twenty six made me feel much better about it, like he got the karma he deserved. I shimmied out of my jacket before hanging it up on the coat hanger next to the door. Slipping my shoes off I walked cautiously down the hallway, taking a quick peek into the living room. I felt like I was stepping into a time machine; everything was the same as it had been when I’d left. He didn’t change the tattered curtains or the peeling wallpaper. He didn’t fix the holes in the walls, or replace the broken window. Ghosts danced up my spine and over my skin as memories flashed through my mind of the nights spent within the walls of the room. Shaking my head, I jerked my body through the doorway to the dining room.
I paused, staring blankly at the spread Craig had prepared before rolling my eyes and sitting down in what used to be my designated seat. As if on queue, I looked up in time to see Craig push his way through the door to the kitchen with two glasses of what I assumed to be sparkling grape juice. I watched as he placed one in front of me and one in front of his own seat before he disappeared back into the kitchen. I grabbed my glass carefully and brought it to my lips, smelling the dark liquid before taking a sip, my face twisted in confusion as I realized what it was.
My favorite red wine? I silently questioned my eyebrow.
Tipping the glass slightly, so as not to spill any on my pale green dress shirt, I stared at it in confusion. Craig never liked wine, why would he have this here? The longer I looked at the wine the more uneasy I felt. I could have sworn I saw a border of pale cream foam around the wine, but I already knew I needed new contacts so I assumed my eyes were just playing tricks on me. I shook my head and set my glass back down on the white table cloth. Craig burst back through the door holding two dinner plates which he quickly set down before he took a seat.
“So, what I’ve prepared for you is some lovely pan seared salmon with baby carrots, your favorite,” he winked. “Along with some pureed butternut squash, and oven roasted scallop potatoes.”
“I hate carrots.” I frowned.
“Well you used to love them.” he calmly remarked as he took a bite of squash.
“I used to love a lot of things.” I smirked watching as his sickening smile faltered, becoming crooked.
“Right. Well don’t let your food get cold, dig in! I spent hours cooking this nice dinner for you.” He sighed. “ The least you could do for me is show a little appreciation and eat it.” I rolled my eyes, stabbing my fork into the potatoes before shoving them into my mouth. I wanted to be in and out of this god forsaken place as quickly as possible. Without a second's hesitation I started shoveling the food into my mouth only deciding to pause when I noticed Craig staring at me with that ugly twisted smirk plastered on his face.
“Can I help you?” I questioned. He seemed to be caught off guard by my comment, ducking his head in response. I brushed it off and continued eating as he lifted his head and continued to poke at the food on his plate.
“Not very talkative today are we?” He snidely remarked.
“Look I don’t want to be rude but I’m kind of tired of you still bothering me after all these years. I mean, any normal person would have taken the hint and moved on by now.” I started, “but you just won't leave me alone, and I’m getting to the point where I don’t even want to look at you anymore. We didn’t have a good relationship, it didn’t end well and I’d like to just forget any of it happened but you won’t leave me alone and let me forget.” I spat as I watched his expression but it didn’t change. “I appreciate the dinner, and the fact that you’re trying to make this special for whatever reason.” I paused prodding at a carrot with my fork, “But if you want me to be honest, the only reason I even came here tonight was to tell you that we are over, we will always be over and that I’d like you to stay out of my life from now on.”
Silence fell over the table as I finished speaking. I tried to read his expression but he just sat there with that same sick smile on his face as he chewed the bite he’d just taken. As I waited for his response I started sipping my mostly untouched glass of whine. Anxiously tapping my foot, my eyes darted around the room until I heard him clear his throat indicating that he finished his bite.
“To be quite honest with you Kyle,” he paused, watching as I finished my glass of wine. “I thought you’d say something like that.” he chuckled, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. “I know how desperately you want for me to completely disappear. And I’ll be honest with you, I don’t really care.” He said standing up. “I told you that I’d be in your life till the day you die. Which,” he trailed off, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “ Nevermind, why don’t you just sit here while I get the desert ready. Then, we can continue this lovely conversation.” He flashed a strained smile in my direction as he grabbed the dinner dishes and headed back to the kitchen all while avoiding making eye contact.
Feeling my heart jolt to my throat, I didn’t even think twice. I stood up as quietly as I could manage and made a break for the door. Somewhere in the background I heard a shout coming from Craig but I didn’t care to try to hear what he said. I could feel a dull throbbing in my left temple but I didn’t care. I needed to get out of this place before the unthinkable happened. Without pause I threw the front door open and ran. I ran as fast and as far away from his house as I could. I didn’t care to pay attention to where I was going or who I might run into, I had to get out of there.
10 hr : 57 min : 46 sec
I ran as far as my feet would take me, the only problem was I didn’t know where I’d ended up. I knew I was in a park of some sorts but I wasn’t sure which way I’d run from Craig's house. Allowing myself to stop running, I collapsed face first onto the grass feeling utterly defeated. My heart was still thumping heavy against my chest, lungs desperately trying to replenish themselves as my quick shallow breaths began to go back to normal. I could feel the headache I’d noticed before growing in intensity with each throb; In fact it was so painful that I almost didn’t notice the ebbing pain under my ribs above my stomach from a lack of exercise in my day to day life. Using what little strength I could muster with how heavy my body felt, I rolled over onto my back so I could try to make out my surroundings.
Staring straight up at the sky, I watched as the sky acted as if it were a stop motion film. The clouds seemingly jumped from their previous position ever so slightly. Each cloud glowed red and blue around their edges as they shifted, separating them from the orange hue of the evening sun. My eyes grew fuzzy as I watched the sky melt into that yellow orb setting over the trees.
What? I thought. Bringing my hands to my face, I rubbed my fingers harshly against my eyelids. Maybe I just mistook a cloud for the sky, maybe I was just tired, regardless I brushed it off. Peeling my fingers away from my eyelids, I let my eyes blink open adjusting to the light again. And that’s when I saw it. Feeling my lips part, I let out a small surprised gasp at the sight I was met with. As I stared up at what should be a mixture of hues of honey and rose, Beams of neon colors ebbed and flowed like liquid in the peach sky. I watched as a beam of yellow swirled around a small pink circle. Drawing in a quick sharp breath I slowly let my eyes close, feeling the warmth of the evening sun washing over my skin.
Angelic orbs floated and drifted in the sky as I lay there still as can be, letting my eyes flutter open. I watched as the sun slowly set the sky blending into soft hues of pink and purple, the peachy orange melted down to a soft shade of cantaloupe. My skin buzzed like a hive full of honey bees as I lay motionless feeling a smile etch at the corners of my mouth. Somewhere in the distance I could hear a car alarm going off and a dog barking, but none of that mattered to me at that moment.
Staring up at the ebbing rainbow in the sky I beamed with the most joy I’ve ever genuinely felt since highschool. The grass beneath my body felt like butterfly kisses lifting me off of the damp surface of the grass in the cooling night air. I giggled softly at first but quickly lost control of my laughter as I came to terms with the fact that I’d finally done it. Feeling like the king of the world I sat up to look out over the lake beyond the railing at the edge of the park.
I didn’t know what had happened to make me feel so abundantly delighted but I didn’t really care to find out either way. Instead I’d much rather savor the moment of likely temporary bliss as my eyes unfocused.
04 hr : 23 min : 16 sec
Skipping barefooted down the center of the vacant subdivision, I sang along to the Whitney huston concert in my head. The face of the dewey asphalt felt cold and wet against my feet as I spun around haphazardly, stumbling over my own feet. My feet felt torn and sore from the trek and yet I prevailed. I wished I had a phone to call one of my friends or even my sister to come hangout with me as I wandered the deserted streets. I wasn’t sure what time it was, but I didn’t care. I felt more alive than I ever had. Nothing could bring me down from whatever this high was, not Craig, not my boss, not that homeless guy on the corner of the next block.
I stopped skipping as I realized that there really was a homeless man on the corner as I approached. Stopping dead in my tracks when I was about three feet away from the man, I frantically patted my pockets until I found the one I’d put my wallet into. Slipping the tattered pink wallet out of my pocket, I tossed it in the man’s direction. I didn’t know how much was in my wallet but what I did know was that he probably needed whatever was in there more than I did.
“Merry christmas sir!” I slurred before I felt my jaw tighten, clamping my jaw shut. Confusion flashed on the man’s face as I smiled brightly at him.
“It’s june sir.” he said in a confused tone. I shrugged my shoulders as I backed up preparing to continue walking down the street. “I can’t take all this, don’t you want to at least take your ID out of here.” he requested but it was too late, I already turned and continued waltzing down the center of the residential street. I could hear the man calling after me but I was too busy watching as the streetlights danced in the breeze like fireflies floating in the night sky.
As I drifted across town I was soon met with a street separating me from a very steep looking hill with a park bench perched atop the slope. Deciding I needed a short break from walking, I stood on the edge of the curb. I flicked my head left to right, then back to left before sprinting across the street. I climbed the hill on the other side of the street only to be met with a simple park bench sitting in front of the old sunflower field overlooking much of the lower city district. Scanning the horizon my eyes met the lake, eyes dancing on the surface as the moonlight glistened against the water’s surface like the wings of dragonflies in the summer sunlight. Bright hues of blue fought against the navy overlords beneath the surface of the water as if their life depended on it as waves raced towards the shore.
I sat down on the cold metallic surface letting myself sink into the bench as fairies danced through my hair and skipped across my skin. The cool breeze coming off the lake felt heavenly against the blazen surface of my feverish skin as I stared longingly at the twinkling lights of the stars as they swayed with the trees orbiting the earth. The tranquility of the night was almost enough to lull me into a sense of belonging underneath the golden rays of the lamp post beside the bench. Leaning back against the bench I gazed up at the moon smiling softly as something within me bubbled up to the surface pricking my eyes with pools of tears that quickly lept over my eyelashes and ran down the sides of my pale face; abruptly I sat up to dry my eyes with the back of my hand. There was to be no such thing as emotions tonight, I just wanted to breathe in the fresh air of the stranded night careless of where it takes me. Pinching the bridge of my nose I watched as auburn curls fell from where they’d been pinned previously. Tucking my curls behind my ears I leaned back into the bench once again.
Staring up at the sky I watched as luminescent moon jellies floated angelically through the ocean of stars. They circled the moon and waltzed in sync with the fluorescent stingrays who lept in and out of the clouds in bright flashes of green. My grin grew wider as I watched the light show in the night sky wondering if anyone else could see the vibrant display against the darkness.
00 hr : 28 min : 56 sec
Watching as the moon dipped into the lake on the horizon and the nocturnal aquarium dimmed, I stood atop the bench to get a better view of the water as my head began to pound harder than ever and my vision grew blurry. The night sky fading to soft hues of blue and purple as the sun slowly scaled the horizon behind me. Its rays glazed my bare shoulders and upper back as I stood basking in the rose tinted morning light. I heard a car engine start in the subdivision as the birds chirped happily singing their morning songs.
Stepping off the bench I allowed my legs to carry me wherever they pleased. I walked around the bench slowly walking towards the welcoming warmth of the sun as it graced the face of the planet. As if in a trance I floated across the hilltop until I could reach out and touch a sunflower at the edge of the field. Grazing my fingers gently over the brilliant yellow petals, I continued deeper into the field being enveloped in warmth as the sun shone brightly on the peak.
I felt like I was in a trance, outstretching my arms as I walked, letting them brush lightly against the tops of the flowers. Slowing to a stop when I felt it was right to, I watched as the world stood still for a moment. I felt like a lizard as I tipped my head up towards that giant heat lamp in the sky and closed my eyes. Letting the warmth overtake my body, I felt every sensation as my body jerked, melting in the crisp air. I hit the ground with a thud as the world fell silent once more.
Epilogue
I hung my head in defeat, leg bouncing restlessly against the carpeted floor of the living room. It had been exactly two weeks, three days and eight hours since the last time I saw my best friend. I didn’t know where he’d gone so suddenly that he couldn’t tell me he was leaving, why he wouldn’t take Jasmin with him when he left, why he’d left clothes in the dryer and dishes in the sink that he’d usually have taken care of as soon as he got off work. He’d left the suitcase i’d packed for him to bring to my parent’s farm for that weekend sitting at the end of our bed.
It's been two weeks, three days and eight hours since I’ve seen my lover, the man I’d waited half my life for. It felt like a stab in the gut knowing he could be dead in a ditch somewhere, or maybe he’d been kidnapped and had been tortured, or maybe no matter how much the idea hurt, the best case scenario would be that he’d just left after realizing he didn’t really love me.
I got up walking over to the door, putting my boots on. I began tying them up when out of the corner of my eye I noticed my mom peeking around the corner from the kitchen.
“Stan honey,” she paused, “you really shouldn’t go out there again, the authorities are looking for him, they’ll find him sweetie.” she reassured.
“Yeah well they haven’t found him yet mom I have to keep looking I don’t care how long it takes.”
“Son, your mother is right, you could catch a cold if you go out there without a jacket.” he stated. I watched as my mom turned to look at him before slapping his arm.
“Randall, don’t encourage him.” she hissed. I groaned as I put my jacket on and reached for my beanie when I heard a knock at the door. Turning around I glanced through the window at the top of the door.
Police
Cautiously I opened the door, to reveal officer Barbrady as well as another officer I’d never seen before. The latter cleared his throat as I chewed on the inner side of my cheek.
“Officer Barbrady informs me that you should be informed about the recent update in the Kyle Broflovski missing persons case as we’ve had a major development.’ the officer trailed off.
“And?” I pushed as I felt the presence of my parents behind me. Something twisted in my gut as a lump built in my throat at the anticipation.
“We’ve found his body in the old sunflower field on the opposite edge of town.” in that moment the whole world stopped. I mean the officer continued speaking, but my whole world crashed down in an instant. My chest tightened as I collapsed to the ground due to my knees buckling beneath my weight loud ugly sobs echoing off the walls. I cried and I cried, but none of it mattered.
Dead.