Mycroft: I do not deserve harassment for manipulation when my actions gave someone their wildest dream against all expectations.
Lestrade: Are you still at your parents?
Mycroft: I am.
Lestrade: Then how is this time different from how Sherlock always acts out?
Mycroft: He's partnered now. He should be distracted with happiness.
Mycroft: And leave me alone.
Lestrade: Sounds like it's not that different for them.
Mycroft: And you sound smug.
Lestrade: Well some of us said for a while now that those two were more than just flatmates.
Mycroft: Yes, yes, we all saw it. At least I did something about it.
Lestrade: You meant to force them into pretending to date?
Mycroft: Actually, no. It was a fortuitous accident.
Lestrade: I can't believe you use words like that when you text.
Mycroft: I despise texting.
Mycroft: But if I have to, I insist on sounding like myself.
Lestrade: Why do we always text if you hate it?
Mycroft: You are an exception. In many ways.
Lestrade: Thanks?
Lestrade:
I also can't believe you're taking credit for this.
Mycroft: That is a key part of diplomacy.
Lestrade: Taking credit for accidents?
Mycroft: If they benefit you, yes.
Lestrade: You have a dodgy job.
Mycroft: You are just now realizing this?
Lestrade: Nah, I knew that a while ago.
Lestrade:
When you started whining to me about it.
Mycroft: I do NOT whine.
Lestrade: Yeah you do. It's ok, it's funny.
Mycroft: I am glad I can be of such amusement to you.
Lestrade: Dunno how you do that, but I heard the ice there.
Lestrade:
Mycroft?
Lestrade: I wasn't laughing at you, really.
Lestrade: You're funny, but in a witty way. I like it.
Lestrade:
Look, if you need confirmation, ask John. I've told him.
Mycroft: You talked to him about me?
Lestrade: Yeah. Needed some advice.
Mycroft: And you couldn't ask me?
Lestrade: Not when it was about you.
Mycroft: That conversation with Dr Watson now makes more sense.
Lestrade: Oh, you talked to him too? Was it about me?
Mycroft: Not intentionally. But my brother's boyfriend is more observant than he appears.
Lestrade: Ugh that sounds weird.
Lestrade: Can we call him something else?
Mycroft: Partner.
Inamorato.
Beau.
Boo.
Boy toy.
Dogsbody.
Devoted companion.
Lestrade: Thank you Mr Thesaurus.
Lestrade:
Boy toy? LOL
Lestrade:
That last one sounds like one of those 80s costume movies.
Mycroft: Yes, it does rather remind one of the age of the love that dare not speak its name.
Lestrade: Thank god we're past that.
Mycroft: Perhaps. There are countries that I am required to interact with that would happily kill someone like me if I was out or partnered.
Lestrade: Do you consider yourself out?
Mycroft: It is rather a moot point, in practice.
Lestrade: Just wondering. Your business, course.
Lestrade: But that was one of the things I was talking to John about.
Mycroft: Oh?
Lestrade: Yeah, the youngsters have labels for everything, and not sure I know which one suits.
Lestrade: Which is ridiculous for my age.
Mycroft: We are not the same people throughout our lives.
Mycroft: How boring it would be if we never changed.
Lestrade: But I like that about you.
Lestrade: A fixed point in a changing age.
Lestrade: Reliable.
Lestrade: Constant.
Mycroft: How boring you make me sound.
Lestrade: No no no.
Lestrade:
My life is chaos.
Lestrade:
Things I thought were stable weren't.
Lestrade:
Hell, I chaperone a consulting toddler.
Lestrade:
It's a relief to know someone I can count on no matter what.
Lestrade:
That it's not just me alone.
Mycroft: Ah. I will always be here for you, Gregory.
Lestrade: Thank you. That means a lot.
Mycroft: If I am not overstepping, perhaps I might ask you for a favor, although you must decline if you wish.
Lestrade: Shoot.
Mycroft: I find myself having to travel between the holidays, and my usual dog walker is with her family.
Lestrade: YOU HAVE A DOG??
Mycroft: Would you like to meet Charles?
Lestrade: YES! What is he?
Mycroft: I suspect you can guess.
Lestrade: YOU HAVE A CORGI?
Mycroft: Spot on, Inspector. You must be a detective.
Lestrade: Ha ha. How does someone like you take care of a dog?
Mycroft: Much the way I care for my brother.
Mycroft:
Provide meals, a safe place to live, appropriate minders and enrichment activities...
Lestrade: No wonder you thought of me.
Mycroft: I do think of you without my brother being involved, you know.
Lestrade: You think of me whenever you want to bitch about someone who's annoyed you.
Lestrade: Sometimes that's your brother.
Lestrade: Sometimes the PM.
Mycroft: I thought we talked about more than that.
Lestrade: We've been texting, I have evidence.
Mycroft: Forgive me, Gregory, I have been greatly amiss in abusing this communication.
Mycroft: I shan't do it again.
Lestrade: Don't you dare! I like hearing you snark.
Lestrade:
I said it already, you're funny.
Lestrade:
But it might be nice for you to ask about my day sometimes.
Mycroft: You never chose to bring it up in our conversations.
Lestrade: I thought you were too busy to hear my grousing.
Lestrade:
Bad coffee in the breakroom.
Lestrade:
Stepped in something awful on a scene.
Lestrade:
None of that's important compared to what you handle.
Mycroft: I was given to understand that reciprocity was of significance in a friendship.
Mycroft: I apologize for giving you the impression that I was not receptive to your concerns.
Lestrade: Brrrr. You're at it again.
Lestrade:
But it's good to know you feel that way.
Lestrade:
I'll chat you up more often.
Mycroft: Please do.
Mycroft:
Perhaps you might care to visit tomorrow, after Christmas.
Mycroft:
It would be good for you to meet Charles.
Lestrade: He the only one who wants to see me? ;)
Lestrade:
Yeah, some dog cuddles would be a great gift.
Lestrade:
Please tell me he's friendly.
Mycroft: Perhaps too much.
Mycroft: He is quite taken with Dr Watson.
Mycroft:
I expected him to have better taste.
Lestrade: Aww, John's quite cuddly. Dogs notice these things.
Mycroft: I regret to inform you that he is now taken.
Lestrade: Ugh no no not my type. Good friend. But nothing more.
Mycroft: Right, your type has more curves.
Lestrade: Not necessarily. After all, I'm ready to snuggle with Charlie boy.
Mycroft: Lestrade, is there something you wish to tell me?
Mycroft:
And his name is Charles.
Lestrade: Holmes, is there something you want to ask me?
Mycroft: Goodness, how late it has gotten. I apologize for taking up so much of your evening.
Lestrade: Coward.
Mycroft: Perhaps a better conversation for tomorrow.
Lestrade: You want to have this in person?
Mycroft: We should reapproach this conversation in the sober light of day.
Lestrade: Alright.
Lestrade: Still can’t believe you didn’t tell me you had a dog.
Lestrade: I’d have been begging to visit you long before now.
Mycroft: That explains why Sherlock never told you.
Lestrade: He didn’t want me visiting?
Mycroft: I suspect he has a deep seated ambivalence about us becoming close.
Mycroft: He never could share his toys.
Lestrade: Toy?
Mycroft: Forgive the metaphor.
Lestrade: But you called John a boy toy earlier... what does that mean for YOUR desire to share?
Mycroft: He is very much not my type.
Lestrade: You sure? No desire to peek under his jumpers?
Mycroft: Do you truly envision someone fascinated by my brother’s party tricks would have any interest in a buttoned-down civil servant?
Lestrade: Not what I asked. You reversed the question.
Lestrade:
I’ll show you mine if you tell me yours.
Mycroft: My what?
Lestrade: Type. What you’re looking for. What attracts you.
Lestrade: Mycroft? You don’t have to answer if I overstepped.
Mycroft: Pardon, I was sourcing a glass of very good brandy.
Mycroft: I believe this kind of conversation is best had with the aid of a substantial libation.
Mycroft: And in private, as I have now retired to my bedroom.
Lestrade: Good idea. Give me a minute to do the same.
Lestrade: Alright. Who goes first? Got a coin to flip?
Mycroft: You already have some idea of my taste, at least when it comes to gender.
Mycroft: I find intelligence attractive, obviously.
Lestrade: No obvious about it.
Lestrade: Sometimes opposites attract, or partners complement each other.
Lestrade: You’ve got more smarts than any other one person, anyway.
Mycroft: Perhaps, but I do require someone I can hold a good conversation with.
Lestrade: Speaking of which, do you know how long we’ve been talking?
Mycroft: Am I keeping you from something?
Lestrade: Nah, I’m enjoying it.
Lestrade: Alright, you want smarts. What else?
Mycroft: In terms of a partnership, it would be a good idea for this completely hypothetical person to balance some of my rough spots.
Mycroft: So someone with strong emotional intelligence, the ability to understand people in a way completely different from mine.
Lestrade: Makes sense.
Mycroft: Of course, someone who understands devotion to family and career.
My schedule is often not my own.
Lestrade: Yeah, that’ll definitely trip you up if not careful.
Lestrade: What about the physical?
Mycroft: What about it?
Lestrade: Do you care about looks? Height, hair color, build, how they dress...
Mycroft: Is this a shopping list?
Mycroft: I know from experience how much can be done with good tailoring and the proper presentation, so I cannot say there is a particular appearance I demand.
Mycroft: Although a kind smile, I suppose, is welcome.
Mycroft: And I have had far more than my fill of the Oxbridge type.
Lestrade: Opposites again, eh?
Mycroft: And you? What is your type?
Lestrade: Hard to talk about this, innit?
Mycroft: Really, Lestrade, you raised the topic.
Lestrade: I know, I know.
Lestrade: But you're the first person I've talked to about it since I accepted I am probably not just straight.
Mycroft: You don't have to tell me anything that makes you uncomfortable, Greg.
Mycroft: It's just a late-night game.
Lestrade: No, I think I should.
Lestrade: Because you're the reason.
Lestrade: I might not like all men, but I think I like you.
Greg's phone begins to ring. He answers.
"Gregory, I am honored by your confidence in me."
"Confidence? That's a strange word for it."
"Are you all right? It's late, and it's a holiday, and sometimes these things don't seem the same in the light of day."
"'m not going to change my mind, Mycroft. I've been thinking about this for a while."
"Me? Really? I am your type?"
"Well, I've always had a thing for smart, posh ones, and I'd like to see just how much your 'good tailoring' is covering up."
"Don't get your hopes up."
"Don't be stupid. I'd've thought you'd have noticed me checking out your legs by now."
"Well, one hates to presume. And when such a handsome friend is present, one pales in comparison."
"Heh, well, yeah, pale looks good on you though. So I'm your type?"
"I imagine you are most people's type. You are quite good-looking, you know."
"Nah, 'm too old to be attractive."
"If I may repeat something you said, my dear Gregory, don't be stupid."
"Well, maybe that means we're well-suited. Or at least you are."
"Puns? At this hour?"
"We're both a bit punchy, I 'spect. Or drunk."
"I haven't had THAT much brandy."
"As you said, it's Christmas. Maybe we both want something different than the everyday."
"Well, then, let us continue our plan. You should meet Charles. With one noticeable exception, he is generally an excellent judge of people. I'm sure he will love you."
"But if you dog doesn't like me, I'm out?"
"If my dog doesn't like you, I will find him another home."
"Aw, Mycroft, you say the sweetest things."
"Mummy will be pleased, at least."
"Thinking about me meeting the parents already?"
"Well, it is something of her fault. I made an unguarded remark, and the result was all of this."
"I can see your hand gesture from here."
"You have had the unfortunate history of spending too much time with me."
"Nah, haven't had my fill yet." Greg tries to smother a yawn.
"Glad to hear it. But now, it sounds as though we both should get some sleep. I shall see you later... today, now."
"Yeah, you will. Sleep well, Mycroft."
"Goodnight, Gregory."
