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(What a lovely home. Do you have a shed?)

Summary:

I joined Plenty of Fish to find out who stole my bike.  A fun first date would be going to your house to see if you have my bike.

Or: Hitoshi's bike gets stolen by a gay blonde dude and he goes on a date with Kaminari to hopefully find it.

Notes:

yup. a softer world has such nice prompts. this one made me laugh for a solid five mins and i had to write for it even if it isn't usually my style of fic ajsgajsgsh. lmk how i did. or don't, i'm not ur mom.

24. I joined Plenty of Fish to find out who stole my bike.  A fun first date would be going to your house to see if you have my bike. (What a lovely home.  Do you have a shed?) ~A Softer World

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

It was a blonde guy. There isn't much more on the security tape, but Hitoshi knows it was a blonde guy who stole his bike and he also sees the small gay flag stitched to the dude's backpack.

Hitoshi has many stupid ideas when he can't sleep.

The sign up for the dating app had seemed reasonable that night, when once again anger at his stolen bicycle surged through him.

Now, on his twenty-seventh date with a blonde guy, this one actually attractive for once, it doesn't seem as reasonable anymore. But Hitoshi is nothing if not stubborn.

And spiteful as fuck.

"How about I pay and you show me where you live?", he asks, lowering his voice in a way that makes people blush. He bats his eyelids too and cards fingers through his purple hair. Full weaponry.

The other dude, Kami-something, Hitoshi really can't be bothered to remember, blushes and stutters an affirmative. Really, he'd feel almost bad, if he wasn't mad and an asshole.

The other lives in a nice part of town in an actual house. Clearly whatever he does for a living, and he had told Hitoshi, but he wasn't listening, pays well enough. As soon as they're inside, Kami, that's his name now, at least in his head, starts the grand tour. And it really is a rather nice place.

They end up in the bedroom and the blonde with the whack dye job of a lightning bolt over his hair, reaches out almost shyly to pull in Hitoshi for a kiss. He normally stops his dates, but he is distracted by looking through the window to see if there is something in the backyard, so he realizes too late.

Damn. Kami is actually a good kisser, so Hitoshi kisses back for a bit. No foul, no harm, right? Nobody ever said thief hunting has to be boring.

"Right", Hitoshi drawls after a while and Kami looks confused. Poor guy. "Lovely house you have here."

The blonde lights up and wow, Hitoshi should have brought sunglasses. Seriously. He is adorable as fuck. Damn. Day-um. "Thanks", Kami replies and Hitoshi has to force himself back to his goal. He came here for a reason after all and the reason isn't to see if he can make the other smile like that again if he kisses him for long enough.

Even if that does sound good.

"Do you have a shed?", Hitoshi asks nonchalantly, as if it is the most natural thing to ask out of context. Or well, in context, but really, who immediately jumps from houses to sheds? Psychos. That's who. And people who got their bike stolen by a gay blonde man. That's also who.

"I- uhm", Kami replies, clearly caught off guard. "Yes?"

"Can I see it?", the purple-haired man asks bluntly.

"Why, are you into some kinky shed sex or something?", Kami asks and Hitoshi is thankful that the blonde is already turning to show him the backyard, because he turns beet red at the question. Day-um, part two or something like that.

The blonde leans against the doorway of the small shed as Hitoshi inspects every last inch, as if his bike is magically hidden inside the dried out paint jar or behind the propped up broken mirror.

"Found what you were looking for?", Kami asks after Hitoshi gives up, scowling at the blonde.

No, he hadn't.

"Sure, whatever", he replies instead.

"You're cute when you look all grumpy", Kami says easily, crowding into Hitoshi's personal space a bit and leaning up, clearly to kiss him again.

Hitoshi has more dates to go to, has more potential thieves lined up. His eyes flicker to the other's lips, his slightly flushed face and hopeful eyes.

Eh.

Maybe his bike can wait another day.

Notes:

kaminari: omg he wants to go home with me
shinsou: fuck his lips, where is his shed ffs

 

this was a lot of fun. leave constructive criticism but pls don't be mean <33 comments are my love language (srsly i get so happy, it's ridiculous.)

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