Chapter Text
He doesn’t know when it started. When the others just decided to leave him out of their personal outings with each other and even in their schedules together. At first, it was just small, like continuing their conversations when Seungmin wanted to speak up, not giving him a chance to. Then it led to them ignoring his suggestions in dance practice and even when they were choosing what to eat. He understood, of course he did, it was the height of comeback season and his group was stressed. They probably just wanted to rest more than anything, not waste their time arguing over a certain dance move or what food to eat that day. So he just kept to himself, not wanting to bother his boyfriends with his personal problems.
Today they were shooting the MV for their upcoming comeback, the concept was a light, summery song with lots of smiles and skinship. Seungmin had no problem putting on a smile during the scenes that needed it, but it got difficult when he had to hug Felix during one scene and smile like everything was okay. He felt bittersweet emotions in his heart as Felix smiled at him and held him like nothing was wrong. He felt like he could cry since it was the first time in ten days Felix held him. Whenever Seungmin wanted to be comforted, the first person he would usually go to was his Felix-hyung; mostly because he didn’t press Seungmin to talk about it and just held him silently, just like they were doing at this moment.
After the director called cut, Felix let go of the other awkwardly and immediately left to talk with the others. Seungmin told the director he was going to go to the bathroom before the next scene, and silently excused himself. Once he got there and checked that no one was near the area, he cried silently in the biggest stall. Once he stopped crying and composed himself further, he looked at himself in the mirror before breathing in and out and practicing his smile.
Once he got back to set, the others were finishing up some of their other shots before their final group shot of the day. Once they finished up their final group shot of the day, they all packed into two vans, beyond exhausted and hoping to get a peaceful night of rest. Not for Seungmin though, he asked their manager to drop him off at the company so he could work on his dancing. The others didn’t seem to care, much to Seungmin’s relief. If he went back to the dorm with the other’s now, it’d be too awkward.
Once he got to the dance studio, he immediately plugged his phone in and pulled up the file for their new song. He practiced every move carefully, nitpicking at himself until he perfectly nailed each move of the choreo. Before he knew it, he was on the floor panting heavily and sweating from every part of his body. He stood up to get a drink from a nearby water fountain and returned to dancing.
Before he knew it, his limbs refused to listen to him so he took a break to scroll through social media. That’s when he realized it was already 3am and he had been at the dance studio for seven hours now. ‘Shit, Chan’s gonna kill me.’ He immediately grabbed his things and ran out of the building. Luckily, their dorm was only about a twenty minute walk from the building, as opposed to their old dorm which was a whole hour away by car, meaning it took even longer if they ever decided to walk there (not that they ever did). Seungmin decided to walk back to their dorm this time, partly to sort out his feelings and partly because he liked the crisp, humid summer air in Seoul at 3am.
Once he got back to the dorm, he entered carefully for fear of waking any light sleepers in their group. Not that there were many, except him and Chan, but you could never be too careful.
“And where have you been?” Seungmin flinched before turning to the source of the sound to see his leader in their living room. He bit his bottom lip as he fidgeted with his fingers. “Seungmin, did you hear me? Where have you been?” The younger fidgeted nervously as tears invaded his eyes. He was honestly so tired. “I…I’m sorry hyung.” He said emotionally. He tried to hide his face as more tears invaded his eyes. “Hey…hey baby, look at me. Hey, it’s okay. I’m not mad at you. I’m just curious why you came home so late.” Chan said softly as he cradled the younger’s face.
Seungmin closed his eyes as tears silently slipped out from them. He whimpered quietly as more tears fell from his eyes and clutched his hands into fists tightly. He hated how everything was just falling apart at this exact moment. He hung his head as his whimpers died down. Chan clenched his hands before he gave into the instincts and hugged the boy tightly. He didn’t know if the younger wanted to be hugged right now, but honestly he could care less. Seungmin gasped slightly before more tears welled up in his eyes.
Tears fell on his cheeks as he hugged his hyung back softly. His breathing started becoming more frantic as he broke down in his hyung’s arms, melting into his embrace as he whispered, “I’m sorry, hyung…I’m so sorry…” The older pat his head carefully, which made Seungmin break down sobbing more. They stayed like that until Seungmin’s breathing evened out, and his sobs quieted. Once the younger fully calmed down, he relaxed into his hyung’s embrace, breaths soon becoming natural as Seungmin was lulled into sleep.
When Seungmin woke back up, he noticed the time to be eleven am. Luckily, after non-stop preparation for their comeback, they had two days off to rest, and today was the first day. He immediately remembered his conversation with Chan last night (this morning?) sunk back into his bed and covered himself with his blanket fully. He was asked the simplest question in the world and he broke down, how pathetic is that? Chan probably thinks he’s annoying now, he probably won’t want to talk to him ever again. Maybe even ask him to leave the group after that display; cause if you can’t handle your mental health, what right do you have to call yourself a K-POP idol? Seungmin felt like crying again.
Maybe if he stayed in his room for the next two days (day and a half?) in his room they wouldn’t kick him out. Yeah…maybe if he just never bothered them again he could maybe stay by the loves’ of his life sides. He was perfectly prepared to stay in his room for the rest of his life if need be. But then again…he was getting hungry, and he didn’t tend to keep any snacks in his room. He also still felt sticky and gross from his seven hour dance practice. He really wanted to take a shower. Maybe…he could just quickly sneak out of his room, take the quickest shower in the world, and then run back to the safety of his room. He steeled his resolve and quickly gathered his items to take a shower. Unfortunately, Seungmin’s room was the farthest from their bathroom.
He silently opened his bedroom door and looked around the dorm for any sign of his boyfriends. Luckily, it seemed everyone was either in their room or out doing something else. He quickly ran from his room to their bathroom and locked the door behind him. He sighed a sigh of relief before he began to get ready for his shower.
Once he finished his shower, he quickly got dressed and hesitated before unlocking the bathroom and opening the door to find all of his boyfriend’s cuddling on the couch and floor while watching a movie. He felt his blood turn to ice as he froze in place. Anxiety started to rise in his stomach and make its way to his throat. Tears quickly welled up in his eyes as his breathing started becoming ragged, his ears started ringing and his arms started shaking. His mouth became painfully dry as it felt like it was slowly closing up. He looked at the floor with tears in his eyes as he tried to hide his face from the others. He felt grounding hands touch his shoulders to which he quickly jerked away; he felt like if anyone touched him right now he’d catch on fire. He quickly stomped to his door, not bothering to get his dirty clothes from the bathroom.
Once he got to his bedroom, he fully broke down on his bed, muffling his sobs into his pillow as he clutched onto his covers for dear life. After a while of crying, he fell asleep with tear streaks evident on his face. Once he woke back up, he immediately remembered his earlier interaction (if you could even call it that) with his boyfriends and felt anxiety spike up in his stomach. ‘This is it, Seungmin. You screwed up big time. You literally ignored your boyfriends when they were just trying to help you. They probably want to break up with you now. No, they probably never want to see you again. You should just leave before you mess anything else up.’ Seungmin grabbed his suitcase from his closet and began packing everything in his room, until it was almost a barren wasteland.
Maybe he could ask the others if he could take some of their snacks before he left? Surely, they would at least let him take some snacks before he was back at his parent’s house, right? He grabbed his backpack and opened the door to his room to still see all of his boyfriends sitting on the couch, still watching the same movie they were before Seungmin’s outburst. He breathed slowly, in and out, steeling himself to talk to them. The others paused the movie and turned to face Seungmin as he came into the room.
He entered the living room and faintly asked, “Hey guys, um…I was wondering if I could take some snacks before I go?” “S-sure, but where are you going, hyung?” Jeongin said as he looked at him innocently. Seungmin flinched before awkwardly biting his bottom lip and saying, “I’m sure I make you guys uncomfortable, so I’m gonna go home for a few days.” Jeongin looked at him cutely and said, “I don’t want hyung to go back home though…” Seungmin huffed and slightly smiled saying, “Come on, you don’t have to lie to me. I know I just make you guys uncomfortable now.” “Who said we were lying to you?” Minho chimed into the conversation. Seungmin flinched as he fell silent before them. “Seungminnie, we really don’t want you to leave. We want you to stay with us.” Han continued on. Felix and Changbin nodded to his sentiment.
Wait, what’s going on? Do they not actually hate him? They want him around? No, this has to be some kind of joke. Seungmin felt tears well up in his eyes as he looked at his boyfriends. They had encouraging smiles on their faces, and their eyes were full of love for him. Pure, unbridled love. Was it just him putting up the walls between them?
“Y-You seriously don’t hate me?” He said as more tears invaded his eyes. Everyone shared looks of pure confusion on their face at that statement. They all turned back to Seungmin when Chan stood up and walked over to him. “We could never hate you, Seungminnie. I don’t know what could ever make you think that. We love you, Seungminnie; and we always will. No matter what.” Seungmin looked at his Chan-hyung before tears fell down his cheeks. He hugged the older tightly as he sniffled and hiccuped softly. The others quickly joined and it became a group hug.
After Seungmin settled back down, he joined the others on the couch to snuggle with them. He sat in between Chan and Changbin, the two strongest hyungs in his group and snuggled into Changbin’s chest as the other pat his hair softly and watched the movie. He was lulled to sleep, just as the movie was ending, no one wanted to get up for fear of waking him up. Just like that, they all eventually fell asleep in their respective spots on the couch and floor. Just sleeping there, like that, you could tell how much they loved each other and how they’d be able to get through any challenge thrown their way.
Fin