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BigB had been pacing around the room for at least thirty uninterrupted minutes. Before that, he had fed the cattle, harvested and replanted the crops, organized their inventory, and even redesigned Box's face. He was doing anything to make the agonizing wait time pass as fast as possible.
The last time he saw Ren, he had stormed off Scott's ranch. BigB could not deny the initial wave of relief when Ren left—when it seemed it was finally over—but it didn't take long for the guilt to creep in.
It was never his intention to hurt Ren, but BigB couldn't deny the suffocating feeling of having Ren as a soulmate. The abrading hugs and uncoordinated kisses were drowning him, and a secret soulmate was his emergency life jacket.
Yet he still couldn't bring himself to hate the guy, or even blame him. Ren had shown him nothing but kindness to him. Every action Ren had made up to this point had a dedication attached to it—it was all for him. And what had BigB done with it? Thrown it all away for some stale bread, sugar cane, and stolen kisses.
And now Ren was red. And so was he. And it was BigB's fault—both the death and...this. And BigB was dreading what Ren was gonna do about the mess he created.
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Ren had been practicing a little script on the way to their—his?—base. He had figured out what he wanted to say a while ago, but it was gathering the courage that took the most time. Now he was going up the strenuous stairs, and his heart couldn't decide whether he hoped BigB was there or not.
"BigB!" Ren called, startling his soulmate who immediately stopped in his tracks.
"Hi-i, Ren," BigB replied, elongating his syllables like he always did when nervous. Ren couldn't help but notice BigB's fingers instinctually reaching for his sword, ready to be used at any sudden movement.
I know we had a bit of a setback in our relationship, and I believe I deserve a bit of an apology. But now that we're red, I think it's better to work together through this. You and me together, baby, what do you say?
Ren had recited this multiple times on the way to the base, but the words had clogged up his throat.
"Was it something that I did?" were the words that came out instead. He failed to repress a voice crack, but his rapidly watering eyes would've betrayed him either way.
BigB winced at the question. "No, it's just-," he trailed off, unsure of what to say. Somewhere disgusting deep within himself replied, It's what you didn't do, but he hated it instantly. "I don't know. It was just too much. And I was overwhelmed. And I know I shouldn't have done it. But I didn't know what to do. And I'm so so sorry," he blurted out.
BigB had fully dropped his guard. His hands were now covering his teary face, and he walked toward his soulmate for comfort. Ren extended his arms and embraced him, letting BigB's head rest on his shoulder. They stayed holding each other silently for a while, with sparse muffled sobs interrupting the quiet.
"I felt...trapped," BigB broke the silence. His voice was still weak, but he could finally finish a sentence without breaking down, "I was happy with being your soulmate at first, I promise, but the more time passed the more I felt everything slip away from my fingers. It was your base location, your base design, your game-winning strategies. I had nothing."
"But I thought you liked Box," Ren frowned as he tried to understand where this was coming from.
"I do, but it was your idea," BigB explained, or attempted to. Ren didn't argue it, but if asked he would admit that he still hadn't wrapped his head around what the hell BigB was trying to say.
What BigB failed to explain—or even fully understand himself—is that he felt trapped the moment the game assigned him a soulmate. Seeing the other soulmate pairs going off and living their sweet happily ever afters only made it worse. It certainly didn't help that Ren is the most devoted lover that anyone could ask for—the perfect soulmate for someone else. His strong over-the-top character should've been the perfect balance for BigB's laid-back nature, yet BigB could not understand why his heart refused to collaborate.
"I still shouldn't have done that to you. I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention to hurt you," BigB held Ren tighter.
"Well, it did hurt pretty bad," Ren let out a mixture of a chuckle and a sob.
Ren slightly let go of BigB to hold his face, cradling it like a precious stone. He took his time observing it, appreciating it. BigB's eyes were puffy and red—from the crying and being a red life. His tears had mostly dried out but left a light-reflecting trail down his cheek to his jaw. Ren noticed BigB's eyes darting to his lips. But instead of desire, they showed anxiety.
Ren tilted BigB's head down and planted a kiss on his forehead instead. The soft pressure of his own lips echoed on his forehead through the soulbond. He brought BigB's face back to its previous position to admire it up close one more time. Through all the ups and downs and uncertainties throughout their relationship, there was one thing for certain. Ren adored that boy.
Ren let go of his face and took a firm step back. He stretched his hand out and asked, "Friends?"
BigB gave him a wide smile. His heart fluttered with the realization that he didn't lose Ren. He felt a wave of relief he was finally not ashamed of. He shook Ren's hand and affirmed, "Friends."
Ren pulled him in and put an arm around BigB's shoulders. He started going off excitedly about a plan he came up with involving Bdub's and Impulse's pool and a zombie spawner, the one by the place they found each other.
BigB's mind swayed from the conversation and started wondering about something else. It was really bad timing for it, but curiosity—and a bit of hypocritical jealousy—got the best of him.
"You love him, don't you?" BigB interrupted Ren. BigB immediately regretted it but did not show signs of it.
"No, not at all. I mean, I don't know what you're talking about. Who- What are you referring to?" Ren blabbered, but a knowing look from BigB made him drop his tense shoulders and sigh.
Even for a sentimentalist like him, Ren knew the absurdity of falling in love with someone he's had minimal interactions with. But something about Martyn made him throw all his logic out a window. The effortless giggles and the butterflies in his stomach when being around him were undeniable. Loving Martyn was so simple—as if he'd loved him lifetimes ago.
"Yes, I do," Ren admitted. He could not hide the blush that crept up on his face. BigB gave a nod of acknowledgment, giving him a small smile. "Do you? Love him," Ren hesitantly returned the question. There was no doubt about who he was referring to.
BigB was not ready to answer that question truthfully—neither to Ren nor to himself—but he had decided he was done lying to Ren. BigB nervously avoided eye contact until he remembered something he wanted to tell Ren.
"Almost forgot! I got this," BigB pulled out a bit of sugar cane that he got from Grian from his inventory bag, "And if you follow me, I actually got a small farm going. If we expand it a bit, we'll have, like, infinite TNT."