Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

This is wrong.

It’s all wrong.

They’re recovering, but -

So much despair. So much fear. So much uncertainty. It should have never been like this.

But was there another way? Was this not the best course? Was every choice made not the right one?

No. 

There are other routes to take. Other solutions to the problem. Better outcomes, maybe. If they could send someone back…oh, yes. It’s a risk, but such a high reward. They only have the power to do this once, to only one. But who?

Cloud.

Oh, no, not Cloud. Determined hero. Tired champion. 

Is he not the best choice?

He is perfect. He did so well. There is no doubt that he always will. But he is not always there, and he is hurting. Maybe they need a gentler touch? 

Her?

No, sweet girl. Not her. 

Him.

Oh, yes, him. 

Soft hearted. Hardheaded. So brave, so kind. A loving soul. He will do so well. But when? Too far, too close, and he can’t undo what’s been done. 

There.

There, yes. Right before the start. There is not much more they can do for him after that. This will take all they have. But it should be enough. They must believe it will be enough. His gentle soul, pulled back though time - right there. This moment. 

This is enough.

Good luck, Zack.

Chapter Text

Good luck, Zack.

Get up.

Zack!

“Are you alright?”

Zack’s eyes fly open, and he’s greeted by a face he hasn’t seen in years.

“…Angeal?” His voice sounds horribly small and hurt even to his own ears, and he watches the mild concern on his mentor’s face shift to blatant worry. 

“Where else are you hurt?” He asks. His hand comes up to hold Zack’s chin, the other probing at a sore spot on his temple he hadn’t noticed before now.

What.

Last he checked, Angeal is dead. He’s pretty sure he is, too. Or, he’s supposed to be dead. He doubts even he could have survived the shower of bullets that rained down and pierced through him during that showdown. He remembers falling, Midgar visible over the cliff’s edge. Maybe it’s the shock of it all that keeps him still, letting Angeal turn his head left and right to check him over.

For a moment, he considers that it was all one long, horrible dream.

But that can’t be true, right? Aside from the fact there’s no way he’d have fallen asleep in the middle of a sparring session, it just felt too real. He knows it was real. Even when he imagined the worst possible outcome for any mission, when he had nightmares of losing his loved ones - none of that compared to the real thing. To seeing Cloud -

Oh, Cloud.

There’s no way he imagined Cloud.

“Am I dead?” Zack asks, confused and starting to panic. “Where’s Cloud?” What happened to Cloud? He was awake last Zack saw him, but he was so out of it. Did he make it to Midgar, all alone? Could he even have carried the buster sword all that way? If Zack’s in the life stream, can he still check on him? Why would the life stream even look like the training room anyway?

The worry on Angeal’s face shifts quickly to alarm.

“Zack,” Angeal says firmly, “I’m taking you to medical.”

He’s starting to think he’s not dead, which is somehow worse.

“No!” He shouts, wincing. Okay, that was a bit louder than he intended. That only seems to make Angeal even more upset.

“You just asked me if you’re dead, you obviously have a head injury.” He sighs, running his hand down his face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think I’d actually get you.”

“Get me?” Zack questions. The pounding of his temple is a lot more obvious now.

“You don’t remember what happened?” Angeal stands up from his crouch and pulls Zack up with him. “Come on. Now you’re really starting to worry me.”

Okay, so he’s not dead. Maybe that should have been obvious, considering how real everything feels. But it’s not like he knows what being dead is like. He doubts it feels like reliving the past, though. Or that it hurts this much.

“N-no, seriously. I’m fine, I just - I need to lay down for a bit, then I’ll be good to go. You know how I am.” He pulls his arm away and takes a step back. Maybe this is a fever dream. Maybe he lived through that showdown after all, and the next time he opens his eyes, Cloud will be there.

Before the thought even finishes forming, he knows that’s not true.

This is real.

But how?!

“No, you need -“

“Thanks for the sparring sesh, really, it was great, but I gotta go. See ya, 'Geal!” He plasters one of his customary smiles on his face and bolts.

Fuck

Fuck fuck fuck.

He jog-runs down the hallway, vision blurring and body aching. He nearly runs over a couple of cadets, but he’s not too concerned about that.

He finds his apartment key in his pocket, but he figures he can’t go there to work this shit out, that’s the first place Angeal is gonna look. And he can’t go to Cloud’s because, aside from the fact that he doesn’t think he’s technically met him yet, he doesn’t even know if Cloud is in infantry yet. He has no idea what the date even is.

He heads to Kunsel’s. 

It’s been years since he’s seen Kunsel. He has no idea what ever happened to him- if he made it to first, if he was there during Zack’s last fight, if he thought Zack had been dead the whole time - but he does miss his friend. His best friend, the last time he’d been here. And then he’d met Cloud.

He remembers how to get in. Still, it feels rude for him to just enter. But, then again, the old Zack would have burst in.

What is he even gonna say? He can hardly believe this is happening himself, he doubts anyone else would believe him. Is he seriously considering that he time -

“Dude. What are you doing?” 

Ah.

While he’s been busy fighting himself, Kunsel already noticed him. Of course.

“I gotta talk to you.” He blurts out. His friend’s brows go up.

It’s pretty rare that Kunsel goes without his helmet. It’s not a requirement, but for some reason Kunsel is more attached to that thing that Angeal is to his sword. He really only takes it off in his apartment – Zack thinks he didn’t even know what Kunsel looked like until months into their friendship. He’s pretty sure he just likes blending into the background. No offense to his friend, but Kunsel’s got brown hair and the same eyes as everyone in the SOLDIER program – he’d probably blend in without the helmet.

“Uh. Okay. Wait, what the hell happened to your head?” 

“Sparring with Angeal. Can I come in?” He pushes past without waiting for a reply.

He feels like he’s about to explode. 

“Um…Zack? Are you okay?”

“Maybe? Um. No. I think. I’m not sure.” He laughs, and it sounds hysterical, even to him. Kunsel closes the door.

“I’m about to say something that sounds really crazy, but I need you to trust me on this.” He gets out. He takes a shaky breath to steal himself, but it doesn’t really work. “I think –”

“You’re running away.” Kunsel interrupts. Zack blinks, momentarily shocked.

“What? No! I mean - I don’t know. That’s not what I was gonna say.”

“Oh.”

“Why would you think that?” he has to ask, before he continues. As much as ShinRa sickens him now, he’s pretty sure he never said a single bad thing about it before it all went to shit.

“It was the most out of character thing I could think of. What you mean you ‘don’t know’?”

“I think I just time traveled.” Zack says. Kunsel’s eyes widen.

“Okay, yeah, definitely not where I thought this was going. Crazy is an understatement.”

“Running away isn’t that out of character. I ran away from home to come here.”

“Zack,” Kunsel grips his shoulder, “the time travel.”

“Right. I wasn’t sure, before, but - I feel older. I know I am. I tried to convince myself it was just a dream, but - there’s no way. It can’t be. I couldn’t make any of this up.” He stresses. Kunsel stares at him, cogs visibly turning.

“…I think you need to start from the beginning.”

He tells Kunsel everything – or, mostly everything. He shortens it as much as he can while still making some sort of sense, because some things he’d really rather not go into detail about. He starts with Genesis’ disappearance, and ends with ShinRa attacking him close to Midgar. When his voice shakes, and he can feel the ghost of Cloud’s soft blonde spikes across his fingertips, he stops. Kunsel stares at him in stunned silence for what feels like forever.

“That’s…a lot.” He finally says, breaking the silence. Zack lets out a rough breath.

“Yeah.”

Kunsel eyes him up at down, and Zack is surprised to find that there isn’t too much doubt there. Surprised disbelief, caution, uncertainty, confusion – but nothing that indicated Kunsel’s gonna drag him down to medical for a mental eval. Not yet, anyway.

He looks like he trusts him.

“You don’t look different.” His friend says. “But I guess you don’t look the same, either.”

“The same? What do you mean?”

“Yeah. It’s just – it’s little stuff. The way you hold yourself, the way you told the story. It’s different from the Zack I saw yesterday.” Kunsel hesitates, then shakes his head. It’s unlike him to hold back. “You’re still you. Just tougher, I think.”

“Oh.” Zack blinks, looking down at himself. He doesn’t feel very different, suddenly being a teenager again aside. But he’s probably the last person that would be able to tell. He tried his best to stay positive through that whole mess, but it probably did change him more than he expects.

“You mentioned someone – Cloud?”

“Cloud Strife.” Zack nods.

“Yeah. I’ll see what I can dig up on him. Maybe he’s already here, you said he was in infantry, right?”

“Yeah.” Zack feels something in him relax, just a little. “Thanks, man.”

“I’d be lying if I said I totally believe you.” Kunsel admits. “But…you sound pretty sure. And something definitely happened to you, even if it’s not time travel.” He pauses. “Was your first instinct after waking up from time travel really to come and tell me?”

“Um. Yes?” He shrugs.

“I’m touched.” Kunsel gently slaps his shoulder.

He had to tell someone. This is probably the sort of thing that he should be keeping a secret, but he doesn’t even know how he got here or why he’s here. Well, maybe he does know why – stop it all from happening. But why him? Why not someone smarter? He has no idea what happened after he… This doesn’t make any sense. And if he tried to keep this all to himself, he really would have lost his mind. Zack is aware of the importance of secrets, but this? He can’t do this alone, whatever this is.

“I don’t know what I’m doing.” He whispers. He doesn’t think he has the strength to say it any louder.

It really hits him then, standing in the middle of Kunsel’s apartment.

He time traveled.

He has to do everything all over again.

He presses the heels of his palms into his eyes to cover the string of tears, his breath feeling funny in his chest. He doesn’t have to do it all over again, if he can help it. But stopping his world from falling apart seems like an even more impossible task. He only knows maybe a quarter of the whole story. How is he the best person for this job? Why him? Why not Angeal, or – he doesn’t fucking know. Anyone but him.

“So we’ll figure it out.” Kunsel says simply. Zack drops his hands, starbursts floating in his vision.

“You say that like it’s easy, man. I think I’m supposed to stop the end of the world.”

“That’s a little dramatic. Come on, sit down.” Kunsel pushes gently, and Zack finds himself sitting on his couch. It’s not the comfiest, but none of the standard issue ShinRa furniture is.

“Huh?”

“If you leave looking like that, Hewley’s not the only one who’s gonna wanna drag you to medical. I’m assuming, based on the whole, you know, you don’t wanna go anywhere near a doctor right now.” Kunsel waves a paper towel in his face. Ah, right – he is kind of bleeding, isn’t he?

“Right.” He sighs, sinking back.

As Kunsel cleans his face, a thought occurs to him. He didn’t even think to ask. “What day is it?”

“August 19^th,2000."

Oh, shit.

Kunsel sends him off with a ‘get some rest, we’ll come up with a plan tomorrow’, like they don’t have less than 2 months before Genesis is supposed to disappear with a third of the program in tow. He has no idea how he’s supposed to rest when he’s the only one that knows just how bad it’s about to get. Or how he’s supposed to hang around and pretend that everything is normal and fine with him like he didn’t spend the last four years a lab rat. He doesn’t remember any of the missions he took around this time, aside from the one right after Genesis disappeared. What’s even expected of him? Does he have somewhere to be?

He really hopes he gets to meet whoever decided to do this to him someday. He has a lot of questions.

He shakes his head roughly, wincing, and continues down the hall to his apartment.

‘Geal really did hit him hard. He wonders how the session had been going before he was sent back in time. Or, ah, his mind was sent back in time? He’s not sure how this works. Is he possessing himself? Can he do that? Or is the version of him that existed in the past just gone?

Oh, gods. This isn’t helping his head at all.

“There you are.” 

He jumps.

Zack knows this voice. He didn’t hear much of it aside from endless ‘Loveless’ quotes, but he does still remember it pretty well.

“Genesis!” He whirls around.

Genesis’ eyes narrow, chin tilting up. 

“That’s no way to refer to a superior.” He frowns, then rolls his eyes and tsk’s. “But, I’ll ignore it, just this once, since Angeal has taken such a liking to you, and you have apparently been wandering about for hours with an unchecked head injury.”

“G-Commander Rhapsodos… um. What are you doing here?” He winces. Genesis scowls.

“Coming to collect a lost puppy, as if that wasn’t obvious. Follow me before Angeal loses his damned mind.” 

“I’m not a puppy!” He squeaks. It’s been so long since anyone called him that. Feels like a life-time ago.

“You’re not quite house trained enough to be promoted to dog.” Genesis huffs. He crosses his arms and cocks a hip, giving Zack an expectant look. “Well? I’m not carrying you.”

“I told him I was fine. I don’t need medical.” He tries.

“Maybe it would be easier for me to believe you if you’d bothered to wipe the blood off your uniform.” His eyes flicker down, and Zack follows his gaze to a few drops of blood on his shoulder. They’re small enough against the dark metal that he’d hoped no one would notice. Maybe another SOLDIER wouldn’t have, but a First isn’t exactly normal. “Are you done acting like a child? Or do I actually need to carry you?”

He can’t say no.

Maybe he could, but Genesis won’t take that for an answer. And Zack’s not exactly known for disrespecting his superiors. It’ll only make them more concerned, and then he really will get dragged down. Or worse, Genesis’ll cast Sleep on him, and he doesn’t know how he’ll react to that.

Zack swallows thickly.

“I’ve been hit before.” He says weakly. Genesis’ brows furrow.

“You asked Angeal if you were dead. Do you normally assume you’ve died after being injured during a spar?”

There’s not much he can say against that.

Genesis smiles, close-lipped and mean, because he knows he’s won. It looks like all the other smiles of his that Zack has seen, minus the white hair and the wing. Zack follows him, eyeing him warily.

He doesn’t remember much of Genesis before he disappeared. He saw him, talking with Angeal in the training room, or around the building. Sometimes, Sephiroth was with them. But he never seemed to like Zack much, so he rarely ever spoke to him. They never shared more than a few sentences before, so all Zack had to go off of was his public persona. It doesn’t seem like much of an act. Zack highly doubts that he’s used to not getting his way.

He tries to focus on the fact that Genesis seems sane and healthy, for now, instead of how close they’re getting to Medical the longer they walk. But he can’t help the way his heart hammers against his rib cage at the thought of being poked and prodded by another ShinRa scientist.

Once they reach the main floor, Genesis ushers him into one of the elevators, his PHS in his hands. Zack tries to keep his breathing even.

There’s no reason for them to do anything to him, and logically, he knows this. He isn’t an experiment yet. They didn’t take him because he was anything special. They took him because no one would miss him and he knew too much, presumably. No one knows what he knows right now. But that doesn’t stop him from remembering what being trapped in those labs had been like. He doesn’t know if it’s better or worse that Cloud’s not with him right now.

“You’re scared.” Genesis says into the silence. When Zack turns to him, he finds he’s being stared at.

He plasters on a smile. “Just a little. Not a fan of the Science department, I guess.”

Genesis gaze sharpens.

“If it was a little fear, you wouldn’t have run away. Did your last Mako treatment go so terribly? I was under the impression that they’d been going remarkably well.”

“I just…something like that.” He doesn’t want to talk about it. Especially not when Genesis is looking at him like that. “Wait. You guys talk about me?”

“Lucky for you, you’re not going to be seeing any of science today. We’re just checking for a concussion. If you can’t remember that, then maybe your head injury is serious after all.” The commander tells him, completely ignoring his question.

The doors open straight into Medical, and Zack feels his whole body tense.

He blinks rapidly, the faded image of large takes of Mako stuck behind his lids.

Sirens in his ears and shouting as he scrambles to get Cloud out, come on, please please –

“…strong hit during his training. You should be able to do it rather quickly,”

Zack sucks in a breath, glancing around. He hadn’t even noticed that they walked in.

Genesis has one hand clamped on his shoulder, staring at a doctor intensely. The guy glances at Zack, eyes lingering on what must be a darkening bruise on his temple.

“It doesn’t look to be anything serious. With his enhancements, it should be gone by the end of the day tomorrow.”

“And yet, he’s clearly disoriented. Check.”

He looks like he’d like to argue, but there’s no arguing with Commander Rhapsodos. He gets his way, or you get burned.

The doctor gives an annoyed little huff as he pulls out a pen light form his pocket. He flicks it on and shines it in Zack’s eyes. He does his best to stay still, not that’s too hard with a First holding him in place.

“Name, rank, year.”

“Zackary Fair, SOLDIER Second class, 2000.” He recites through grit teeth. The doctor turns back to Genesis.

“He’s fine, Rhapsodos. If you’ll excuse me, I have somewhere to be. If you’re worried –”

“I’m not worried.” Genesis interrupts. He releases Zack’s shoulder, not bothering to look at him. “Run along, Fair. I’ll let Angeal know you’re not dead.”

“That’s it?” He asks, surprised.

“Are telling me you would like him to do a full examination?” Genesis finally does look at him then, quirking one thin brow brow. Zack shakes his head, already taking a step back.

“Ah, no. Nope. Thanks for – uh, caring about me? See ya. Sir.”

Zack rushes back to the elevator as fast as he can.

He misses the frown Genesis throws his way.

Chapter Text

He doesn’t exactly sleep well.

The visit to medical, as brief as it was, doesn’t help keep the events of the past few years at bay. There's always one horror or another that crosses his mind when he closes his eyes, and he spends most of his night tossing and turning, uncomfortable and on edge. It doesn’t help that he got used to sleeping with a warm body next to him. He spent months carrying Cloud with him wherever he went, trying to take care of him, covering him in his sleep. He doesn’t realize how used to that he got until it’s four in the morning and he’s reaching out blindly for a head of blonde hair for the tenth time that night. Eventually, he gathers his pillows together with a frustrated, tired groan, and crushes them to his chest.

It's not the same.

He tells himself that its better this way. Cloud didn’t deserve anything that happened to him the first time around, and Zack definitely won’t let that happen to either of them this time.

Still. He misses the comforting presence of someone laying next to him, mako coma or not.

He sleeps only a handful of hours, waking up once or twice in a panic. By the time his alarm goes off, he feels no more rested than he did before he went to sleep. Still, he drags himself up and prepares for the day, dread a heavy weight in his chest. He brushes his teeth, and that helps a little bit. It’s the most normal thing he’s been able to do so far, and he can’t believe he’s actually saying this, but he missed it. It’s weird, the things you miss when you’ve suddenly become a fugitive.

He catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror and freezes.

He looks different.

Maybe he should have already expected that – he was in his twenties just the other day, and now he’s back in his teenage body. And maybe he doesn’t actually look that different. But it’s jarring, seeing himself so…undamaged? There weren’t exactly mirrors available while on the run, but he saw himself occasionally. And even before the lab, he’d changed a lot. He had more scars then, the one from Angeal digging into his cheek and jaw being especially prominent. He had worn his hair differently, let it get longer. He’d built a bit more muscle, grew another inch, gotten more mako treatments. Youth that he doesn’t feel still clings to the face staring back at him, and his too-short bangs hang in his eyes.

He finishes brushing his teeth and pushes back his hair. It doesn’t fall like he’s used to, but he feels a bit closer to himself.

“You can do this.” He tells himself. He ignores how much it feels like a lie.

He rushes the rest of his routine, feeling off balance. By the time he’s done getting ready, and realizes he has no idea what he’s even supposed to be doing today, his PHS starts ringing on his nightstand.

“Angeal.” He greets.

There's a moment of silence that feels like it stretches forever (it’s a second long), and Zack almost convinces himself that this is all in his imagination, and Angeal is still dead. Killed by Zack’s own blade, too easily, way too easily –

“Zack,” Angeal starts. Zack takes a breath. “I’m glad you’re up. I wanted to have a word with you, if you don’t mind.”

Was he really asking? Zack can’t imagine he can say no, after the stunt he pulled yesterday. He winces.

“Yeah, sure. I can do that. I’ll meet you in your office in ten.” He promises. There’s another pause, and then a sigh into the receiver.

“Actually, I was on my way over to check on you. Would it be alright if we spoke in your apartment?”

“O-oh, um. Sure? Yeah. Yes, um. Sir.” He cringes.

“…Okay. I’ll be there shortly.” Angeal hangs up, and Zack groans. Shiva’s tits, that was awful. Angeal’s probably even more worried about him now than he was yesterday. Get it together and act normal.

Easier said than done, he supposes.

He cleans while he waits. He was never that messy, before It™ happened, but even in second class, the apartments aren’t exactly big. It was basically just one big room for his kitchen, living, and dining area, and then a tiny bedroom and an even tinier shoe box of a bathroom. He can’t remember if Angeal’s actually been in here before.

A knock sounds at the door.

Zack pulls the door open maybe a bit too forcefully, and Angeal gives him a strange look.

“Hey, ‘Geal.” He greets, forcing some of his usual cheer into his voice. “Ah, it was nice of you to come check on me, but I’m fine, see! Ge-Commander Rhapsodos said he would tell you.”

Angeal’s brows raise.

“He did. But I wanted to come see for myself.” His gaze lands on Zack’s temple, relief flitting across his face. “It does look like the bruise is fading. May I come in?”

“Yup!” he stands aside, and Angeal moves past him. Zack closes the door after him, and then turns to see his mentor just…standing in his tiny living room. Zack stares at him, opening his mouth to speak, but no words come to mind. Why is this so difficult? There were so many moments in the past few years where Zack had wanted nothing more than to talk to Angeal again. To ask his mentor for help, advice, comfort. And now he’s alive again and Zack can barely look at him?

“Zack, I –” Angeal clears his throat, arms crossing over his chest. “I wanted to apologize.”

“Huh?” Zack blinks.

“It’s my job as your mentor to teach you and help you improve, but it’s also my responsibility to make sure I’m not giving you more than you can handle. I should have noticed that your head wasn’t in it yesterday, and if I had, you wouldn’t have been injured.” Angeal continues. Zack shakes his head.

“What? No, it’s – it’s my fault, it’s fine. I should have blocked.”

“That’s not the point.” Angeal huffs. He looks him over, expression softening. “Are you alright, Zack?”

“Yeah. Doc checked me over, I’m good to go.” He assures him. Angeal sighs.

“What I meant to ask is, has everything been alright lately? You seemed a little off.”

Calling him literally running away and hiding from his mentor for three hours ‘a little off’ is probably a huge understatement.

“I…yeah. Yeah, everything’s fine.” He tries. And there’s that little twist of concern again, a wrinkle on Angeal’s forehead and an unhappy downturn of his lips.

“Are you sure?” Angeal’s hand comes up to rest, warm and comforting, on his shoulder. “You can always talk to me, Zack.”

His throat goes tight, eyes stinging. Gods, he really doesn’t want to cry right now. But, fuck, he missed Angeal. Their final moments weren’t exactly a good time. Every time he looked at the Buster, every time he ran his fingers over a new scrape or dent in the metal, he thought of Angeal. Dreams, honor, being a hero – everything Angeal stood for, he tried to be. He wants nothing more than to tell him what’s happened. What will happen.

He just doesn’t know how.

He can admit to himself that he loves Angeal. Not quite like a father, he’s probably too young for that. An older brother, maybe. No matter what, he’s family now. And Zack isn’t gonna burden his family with something as terrible as news that they’re degrading without some kind of solution.

“I’m okay.” he makes himself sound sure, even if he doesn’t feel it. He smiles. “Really, man! Thanks for worrying about me.”

Angeal searches his face for a few moments, lips pressed into a thin line. He must find what he’s looking for eventually, because he returns Zack’s smile and lets him go.

“Good. But, just in case, you’ve been given the day off.”

“What!? No, come on, we have a sparring match to finish!”

“Your brain is a little bit more important than training, Zack.” Angeal huffs.

“Commander Rhapsodos said I was fine!” he whines. Then, he winces, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Um. He’s not too mad about that, is he? Not feeling like, I dunno…destroying the world, or anything?” He asks hesitantly. It earns him a small chuckle, which, okay. Angeal probably doesn’t know that he’s serious.

“I know Genesis has a reputation for being a hothead, but that’s a bit too much even for him. Don’t worry about him. Enjoy your day off, Zack.” Angeal assures him, opening his door. “I do expect you to report to my office on time tomorrow.”

“You got it!” He gives a little salute, and gets a fond eyeroll in return. Once Angeal is gone, Zack slums, letting out a rough breath.

That went…well. Probably.

He doesn’t actually know what to do with himself. He hasn’t really had a day off since Costa Del Sol, which was…five years ago? Six? Now that he thinks about it, he has no idea how much time really passed while he was in the labs. He doesn’t dwell too long on it, because that won’t really change anything.

Part of him wants to go see Aerith. Thinking about her makes his chest ache, her last letter to him coming to mind. But he knows he can’t – he hasn’t technically met her yet, and if Tseng finds him, he has no way of explaining himself or how he even knows about her, so that’s not an option.

His second thought is of Cloud. But, again, he doesn’t know him yet. Not this version of him. and Kunsel hasn’t gotten back to him with any information yet. He could wander around infantry barracks and training grounds, but that feels dumb. Plus, he’s supposed to be resting. He’ll probably get pulled into a demonstration for training or something, and if Angeal catches him, he’ll definitely be getting a lecture. So, yeah, Cloud’s not really an option either. And Kunsel’s probably working right now.

It’s starting to become incredibly annoying, how many close friends he’s realizing he hasn’t actually met yet.

“Come on, Zack.” He whispers to himself.

No time to hang out with friends anyway.

He grabs a pen, paper, and sits down at his little table. It’s probably not a good idea to type this all out on his computer, with how Turks seem to be able to access everything. A physical copy is a little more damning, and harder to get rid of, but he needs to organize his thoughts. He taps his pen against his lips, thinking.

Really, the blame lays on ShinRa. Lazard, Hollander, Hojo, probably the president and a few others at the very least. Maybe Genesis was the one leading attacks against Midgar and th tower, but he wouldn’t have lost his mind if his genetics weren’t tampered with in the first place. But there’s nothing Zack can do about that now. It’s not like he was sent back to before any of the firsts were born, and even then, he’s not a scientist. As far as he’s aware, there’s no cure for degradation.

Which means he’s going to have to stop the process from starting in the first place.

STOP GENSIS AND SEPHIROTH FROM FIGHTING

He stares at what he’s written, and feels like an idiot. How the hells is he gonna stop that? He’s never witnessed their sparring matches, but he definitely saw the aftermath. If he tries to get between them, he’ll be crushed. And if Angeal gets between them, well. He already knows how that ends.

The way he sees it, the problem can be divided into three major parts.

Genesis, Sephiroth, ShinRa.

There isn’t really a solution to the Genesis problem – at least not a lasting one. If he can keep the degradation at bay until there is one, that’ll probably be the best course of action. Angeal is technically part of the Genesis problem.

Sephiroth is something else. He wasn’t degrading like the other two – he just kind of lost his mind all on his own. He wasn’t exactly fine before Nibelheim, that much Zack remembers. But he was mostly just really worried about his friends. He wanted to find them, and save them. Zack was pretty sure the both of them were on the same page, until Sephiroth locked himself up in ShinRa manor for a week and came out of it hating the world and everyone in it. Whatever research he found, whatever answers he got – they destroyed him, and he destroyed Nibelheim.

KEEP SEPHIRTOH AWAY FROM NIBELHEIM.

If he does the first part right, then this should be a lot easier. If Genesis doesn’t degrade, he doesn’t go to the Nibel reactor, and Sephiroth doesn’t find that…thing. Jenova, or whatever.

The third issue is the hardest one to solve.

Maybe there are some good people in ShinRa, he can’t deny that. But they allowed this to happen. Maybe they wanted it to happen, who knows. They experimented on people, on the firsts, on him, with cells they dug up from a two-thousand year old body in a rock. That doesn’t exactly scream ‘ethically and morally sound’ to him. Whether or not he can save the others, he can’t let ShinRa continue this way, or let them keep their experimentation a secret. Whatever he does, eventually, Angeal, Genesis, and Sephiroth have to know the truth. They deserve that much, at least.

He just hopes it doesn’t ruin them like last time.

STOP HOJO.

These steps aren’t exactly easy. And impossible to do alone, now that he thinks about it.

But who could he even tell? Kunsel barely believes him – honestly, Zack’s not entirely sure he isn’t just humoring him. Angeal definitely wouldn’t. Genesis would just get mad. He has no idea how Sephiroth would react. And Tseng would honestly probably just kill him. That doesn’t leave him with any options.

“Come on, think, Zack.” He scrubs at his face, dropping his pen.

He was sent back for a reason, right? There has to be something he can do that’s important. That only he can do. Or he wouldn’t be here right now.

But it’s not like he was particularly good at anything. He’s good with his sword, obviously, or he wouldn’t have made it to Second or caught Angeal’s attention. He’s okay with materia.

What else can he do?

He doesn’t get to spend too long thinking about it. After a few minutes staring down at his list, his PHS beeps.

Kunsel 🤩😁😈:

[meet at my place]

[got some stuff]

Okay. That’s not ominous at all.

Zack makes his way to Kunsel’s, feeling a little nervous. He sees Luxiere and gives him a wave before he remembers that they actually aren’t friends yet, either. Before he can feel to embarrassed about it, he gets a surprised look and a wave in return, so maybe it’s not too bad.

Once again, Kunsel opens the door before he can even knock.

“How do you keep doing that?” Zack asks, smiling a little. Kunsel shrugs. “What, do you have cameras out here?”

“I can hear you coming.”

“You what?” he huffs, incredulous. Sure, he can hear people walking down the hallways sometimes, but that’s ridiculous. These apartments are made with SOLDIER enhanced hearing in mind.

“You kind of stomp around when you’re not on stealth missions. It’s not a big deal, come inside.” Kunsel tugs him into he apartment. “Sit. Come on, come on.”

“Okay! Man, you’re pushy.” Zack sits himself down at the table. Kunsel’s laptop sits across from him. or, actually, not Kunsel’s laptop. Not the one that he saw sitting there yesterday, at least. This one looks older, and more beat up. There are stickers all over it, and it’s not the standard issue that the SOLDIERs are gifted upon entry to the program. “Uh -”

“I’m just gonna get right into it. I did some digging on your friend.” Kunsel sits and pulls his laptop closer. “Cloud’s definitely real.”

“Well, yeah. Did you think I made him up?” That hurts a little.

“A little. Time travel isn’t exactly a common occurrence, you know. You’re my best friend, but I did have to make sure I wasn’t feeding into some sort of elaborate delusion first. For your wellbeing, at least.” He pats Zack’s hand to comfort him. “Anyway – Cloud Strife, fifteen, formerly of Nibelheim. He’s been in infantry for a year.”

Zack sits up straighter, leaning closer.

“He’s already here?”

“Yeah. Looks like tried to lie about his age and take the SOLDIER exam when he first got here, but he failed and they found him out. He’s been in infantry ever since, but he’s signed up to take the next exam in three weeks.”

“Shit.” Zack sighs. “Wait, how do you know that?”

“I’m looking at his file?” Kunsel says this like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Zack feels his brows raise.

“They let you have his file?”

“’Let’ is maybe too strong a word.” Kunsel taps something into his laptop. “You just have to know the right people. And by right people, I mean people who aren’t very good at paying attention.”

“Right.” Zack shakes his head, leaning back. “Are you sure you’re not a Turk?”

“Now that’s just mean. I’m way too cool to be a Turk.” Kunsel pouts, and Zack laughs.

Cloud is already here.

He knows Cloud fails his next exam. He knows how much it hurts him, because Cloud told him. he knows how badly he wants to get into SOLDIER, to prove himself to his family and to the rest of Nibelheim. And he knows that, despite this failure, Cloud will try again. And Zack doesn’t know if he can stop him, because this is his dream. Telling him he can’t become a SOLDIER will hurt him, and Zack doesn’t know if he can do that.

Not even to save him?

“Anything else?” He asks, pushing the thoughts away. He can deal with Cloud later.

“Yeah. I thought you might wanna go see him though.” Kunsel’s got his helmet on, but even through it, Zack can feel his friend’s curious gaze.

“No. He’s…I mean, I will eventually.”

“Are you sure? He seemed kind of important when you were telling me the whole story. Which I still definitely need more details about, but the way.”

“I’d love to see him. He’s – he’s my friend, dude, but I – I don’t actually know him yet, remember? It would be kind of weird if I just walked up to him and started acting like we’ve been friends for years. ‘Hey, Cloudy, I know you don’t know me yet and there no reason for us to be talking right now but I know we’re gonna be great friends in the future’? That might not go super great.” Zack frowns.

“’Cloudy’, huh?” Kunsel hums.

Zack’s cheeks heat. He feels like he’s just cracked himself open and let Kunsel see something that he wasn’t supposed to, and he doesn’t know why. It’s a weird feeling.

“Come on, man. What else did you find?” He insists. Kunsel’s quiet for a moment, then he huffs.

“Alright. There’s still a lot I need to look into, but it looks like monster sightings around the sector seven slums and the fallen plate have increased int eh last few months. And, so have the number of missing infantry.” He makes an unhappy noise at his laptop. “Used to be maybe one disappearance every couple months. Now, it’s once a month, maybe twice.”

“Disappearances? They haven’t told us about that, have they?”

“No. They’re all listed as KIA, but if that was true, we would have heard about it. They would have at lease been listed in the newspaper, or in an email. I don’t recognize any of these names.” Kunsel pushes his laptop away with a grimace. “You know what this sounds like, right?”

Yeah. He does.

Zack groans, dropping his head to rest on the table.

“So what do we do?”

“I don’t think there’s anything we can do.” Kunsel admits. “Not right now, anyway. All we have is a bad feeling and a theory, and our only proof is that you time traveled. No offense, Zack, but I don’t think anyone will believe us if we tell them that. If we try and talk to a higher up about it, we’ll definitely be eliminated. And if we try and go public…”

“No one will believe us and we’ll be eliminated, yeah. We have no real proof” He sighs. “Should we…is it even safe to talk about this while we’re in the building?” he can’t believe it never occurred to him before, but the Turks know everything that happens in here. They have to find that information out somehow. There’s probably one of them lurking in every corner, if he thinks about it. He never thought to search too hard, before.

“Not really. But there’s no bugs here I check all the time.”

“They bug us?!” he hisses, springing up.

“Sometimes. I wouldn’t put it past them.” Kunsel reaches out, pulling him back down. He seems to hesitate, an upset twist to his mouth. “I’m gonna be honest, I kinda never wanted you to find out about this stuff.”

“What do you mean?” Zack wonders.

“You’re just…you’re always so happy to be here. To help people. I don’t know if you noticed, but you’re kind of a ray of sunshine, man. It’s a real morale booster. And ever since Commander Hewley took you in, everyone in SOLDIER kind of…looks up to you. The both of you are always talking about honor and being heroes – I guess I didn’t want you to lose that.  I still want to help people, and for now, being here is the best way to do that. But…it’s harder, when you know the ugly truth hiding under the shiny ShinRa paint job.”

Oh.

Wow.

He never realized so many people actually thought about him like that. He knows Kunsel called him a leader a few times, the first time around. But he thought he was just being a good friend. Kunsel’s always been supportive of him.

“I get what you mean.” Part of him wishes he never found any of this out either. His life would certainly be a lot easier.

Easier isn’t always the best option, though, is it.

“I think maybe we need a break.” Kunsel announces, standing up. He tugs off his helmet.

“Huh?”

“You look like you’re getting into a weird mood. I don’t know about you, but planning a takedown of a massive somewhat evil corporation goes a lot easier when I’m relaxed.” When Zack doesn’t respond, his voice softens. “Hey. It’s not like stressing over it is gonna make this any better. Come on. I just got the new super moogle smash game and that little elf dude you like is in it. Lunk, or whatever his name is.”

Zack can’t help but smile at that.

“His name’s not Lunk, man.”

“There’s that famous Zack smile!”

Chapter Text

Angeal is definitely starting to suspect something’s up.

It’s been about two weeks since he was thrown – violently and suddenly, Zack would say – back in time. So far, the first step on his list has been going…it’s been going.

He’s been trying to find subtle ways to ask about Genesis’s health, but he’s pretty sure that’s the entire problem. He doesn’t think he ever really talked about Genesis much before, and every time he wonders about the Firsts’ sparring habits, Angeal gives him a weird look and asks him if he’s okay again. It’s getting increasingly harder to say yes. The more Zack thinks about the complexity and importance of what he needs to do, the more stressed out he gets. Playing video games with Kunsel can only relax him so much, and 'Lunk' isn't the best character for him to be playing, considering that dude's whole story.

Missions are, at the very least, a welcome reprieve.

Regular old monsters are easy enough to handle. Once he’s officially cleared from medical, he’s sent to clear out some monsters that cropped up on the main road between Junon and Fort Condor. Seems like something more suited for infantry than for a Second, but he’s not complaining. It’s easy to let his mind go blank as he swings his sword, even if the weight and shape of it aren’t as familiar to him anymore after years of carrying the Buster. The blade still cuts through them like butter, and the more involved fights get his heart racing, adrenaline pumping through him.

A truck with several troopers pulls up as he’s finishing up, and he wipes at the mystery goo on his face with a wince. What is that, monster snot? Gross.

“Sir!” one of the men salutes him, and he smiles.

“Hey. You guys my ride out of here?”

“Yes, sir. The more dangerous monsters have been cleared away.”

Great.

He knows that he’s got…a responsibility to the planet? That sounds about right. But that doesn’t make him any more eager to be back in the tower, considering he still feels so out of his depth with all this. He scratches at the back of his neck.

“You sure you guys don’t need any more help? I’m happy to finish clearing a path for you.” He tries.

“It’s…you’re being called back to the tower by the commander, sir.”

Ah, shit.

“Alright. Better get moving then, huh?” He sighs, slinging his sword behind him until he hears the click at his back.

The infantry man gives him a curt nod, and Zack makes his way until the back of the truck.

There are several other men there – they must be heading up to Junon from the fort. Probably all going back to the tower. A few of them have their helmets off, chatting amongst themselves. All of them look at him with something like awe on their faces, which he doesn’t really know how to feel about. He never noticed looks like that Before.

“You all going home?” He wonders, turning to the private next to him.

All he gets in response is a soft groan.

“Uh.” He doesn’t really know what to say to that. The infantry man slums in his seat as the truck jostles them all. The helmet makes it hard to see any of his face, from this angle. He doesn’t look injured, so maybe he’s just not talkative?

“Don’t mind him, sir. He’s sick.” Another private across from them leans forward. The guy next to him scoffs.

“He’s not sick. He’s just got a weak stomach.”

Ah. “Motion sickness, huh? That sucks.” Zack looks at him again. “A…friend of mine has it too. Not fun. But a distraction helps.” He offers.

The private groans again, hands coming up to cover the rest of his face that Zack might have seen, if they were eye to eye.  The first one that spoke across from them makes a sympathetic face, and the one next to him leans back with a look of disgust.

“Are you gonna throw up?”

“No.” The private next to him croaks, petulant. Zack’s back straightens, a bucket of ice water thrown over his head.

That –

But he can’t. He shouldn’t be.

The private pulls their helmet off with another sad little moan, blonde spikes droopier than Zack remembers, but still gravity defying. His skin is pale and shiny with sweat, almost tinted green. He takes a shuddering breath and tips his head back to rest against the metal of the truck, cool blue eyes slowly glancing over and then widening.

Cloud.

He barely stops himself from saying his name.

“Ah – Sir!” he stammers, sitting up straighter. Zack can hear his stomach gurgle, and his hand comes up to cover his mouth.

“Just Zack.” He hears himself speak, lips numb.

Cloud.

Cloud.

Cloud is here.

Even like this, sick in the back of a truck, Zack feels nothing but relief at the sight of him. He looks different, younger – but maybe he should have expected that. He was twenty one last Zack saw him, even if he was comatose and glowing with mako.

“Sorry, sir – Zack. I won’t – I won’t throw up on you.” His face is turning red. He quickly turns away, mumbling to himself “This is so embarrassing.”

“Hey, no worries! I won’t blame you – us country boys gotta stick together. I was pretty freaked out my first time in a car.” He assures him.

“S’not my first time.” Cloud swallows thickly, eyes narrowing. “How’d you know I’m from the country?”

“I – I can just tell.” He panics. “City boys are used to cars.” Its bullshit. He has no idea if that’s true. He’s pretty sure Cloud is the only person he’s ever met with motion sickness, but his mouth is running without a strong connection to his brain.

“What the hell?” He hears one of the infantry across from them whisper. Zack resolutely ignores them.

“Oh. Where are you from?” Cloud asks. At least the distraction is working – he looks less green than before.

“Me? Gongaga.” He grins, Cloud’s familiar giggle making his heart soar. He remembers this part, the words falling from his lips without any thought. “What? What’s so funny? You know it?”

“No.” Cloud laughs. “It’s just such a backwater name.”

“And where are you from?”

“Nibelheim.” He rolls his eyes, then seemingly remembers who he’s talking to and straightens. “Um, Zack, sir.”

“Oh yeah? Well, ditto Nibelheim.” He beams. “I told you, just call me Zack. What’s your name.”

“Cloud. Strife.” Zack holds out his hand, and Cloud grasps it, looking a bit dazed.

“Zack Fair.” He nearly bites his tongue. “But – you knew that already. I don’t need to – never mind. Nice to meet you, Cloud from Nibelheim.”

“You too.” Cloud smiles – small and shy, just like he remembers. their first meeting going. Eventually, Cloud lost the hesitant air about him whenever they would meet up – he was always an anxious guy, but he was a little bit of an asshole, under it all. Zack misses that part of him. He misses all of him. “Uh.” He turns his gaze down.

Right. Never did let go of his hand, did he?

“Sorry.” He feels his face heat, and he pulls away. “Ready to head back to Midgar? You guys have probably been stationed at Condor for a while, right?”

“Not really. Think we were mostly just security while some of the higher ups had a meeting.” Another private tells him. “Gotta say, I definitely prefer the food at the tower though.”

“Don’t mention food.” Cloud groans.

Zack laughs, slinging an arm around Cloud’s shoulders before he can think too much about it. It feels more natural there, than at his side. Something in his relaxes at that familiar weight against his side. Cloud looks up at him in surprise, his face still red. He can’t help throwing him another reassuring smile.

This isn’t how this was supposed to go. He thought about maybe introducing himself after Cloud’s SOLDIER exams, or maybe offering to oversee squads drills. Part of him thought about never getting close to him at all, as painful as that would be – Cloud doesn’t need to get involved in this mess. He doesn’t deserve it, even if Zack is trying to put an end to it. He knows the path won’t be easy.

But Zack is selfish.

He can’t resist the pull to Cloud’s side any more than he could stop himself from breathing.

They’re separated at Junon, with Zack being ushered to his own helicopter and Cloud following the rest of his squad to their own transportation. He pushes aside the shot of fear that strikes him when he can’t see those familiar blonde spike anymore, because Cloud is fine. He knows he’s fine.

Still, with nowhere to direct his energy, he fidgets with his gloves and taps his feet the whole trip back to the tower.

One of the commanders called him back. That’s what the infantryman said. He’s not sure what they could want with him, it’s not like this happened the first time around. He’s not any closer to figuring out how to even begin telling them everything he knows. He does know that he’ll have to, eventually. Soon, most likely. He knows Genesis’ degradation was caused by an injury, that much Sephiroth told him. But Angeal’s just happened. He’d been totally fine, and then the next time Zack saw him his eyes glowed with more than just mako, fever bright and lost.

When they touch down at the helipad, Angeal is there to greet him with a smile.

“You did well.”

“Yeah. I mean, it was just some low level monsters.  Worst thing was a handful of drakes.”

“Still. You did it by yourself, with no injury. That’s impressive, Zack.” Angeal claps a hand on his shoulder and leads him away.

Maybe he would have been proud of himself, the first time around. Now, he only remembers the hundreds of infantry that stared him down, cut down by his blade. Compared to them, a handful of monsters is nothing.

He doesn’t say that.

“Thanks, ‘Geal.”

“But being a First is about more than just taking down monsters.” Angeal continues as they get on the elevator. “I heard what the infantry had to say about you. You put the men with you at ease. You were confident in your actions and your abilities. When people rely on you, it’s important to be calm and certain in the face of danger, and to check on your people and make sure they’re okay.”

“I know that.”

“Good.” Angeal’s smile widens. “Because you’re up for promotion.”

Zack’s jaw drops open. He scrambles for something to say, but nothing comes.

“Oh.” He gets out.

“They’re planning on sending me out for a mission in Wutai soon, and I think you’re ready. I suggested that you accompany us, and they agreed. If you do well, they want you brought into First class.” His smile dims, gaze searching. “You’re not as excited as I thought you’d be.”

“I…” he stammers. “I just – wow. I can’t believe it.”

“You’ve worked hard, Zack. You’ve earned it. I know you can do it.”

“I guess. I just thought…” he can’t say that he was hoping to avoid this – he’s supposed to want to be a First. He’s supposed to be bouncing off the walls with excitement, the way Angeal no doubt expected.

“Hey. You’re ready, I know you are.” Angeal assures him. Right, of course – he has no idea what Zack’s actually thinking. “We’ve been training for this for months. There’s no one else I'd rather have join us.” He shakes his shoulder a little with a small smile. “Even Genesis thinks you’re ready.”

“Really?” He blurts, surprised.

“I told you he doesn’t hate you. He’s…” Angeal sighs. “Genesis is complicated. But he can’t deny how hard you’ve worked, or how much you’ve improved. He thinks you’re ready for bigger missions, and I agree with him.”

“That’s…huh.” He makes himself grin, makes the nervous shake of his limbs look like something happy. “I can’t believe it! How long until we leave?”

“It’s scheduled for about two months from now, in early November. Sephiroth just left for Wutai yesterday, and he’ll be gone until next month. They would rather not have all the Firsts gone at once if they can help it. They want us to have a solid strategy before we go.”

“Right.”

The elevator dings, and he’s surprised to find that they’ve stopped at the Seconds residential floor.

“I’m supposed to give my mission report.”

“Did you encounter anything out of the ordinary?” Angeal raises an eyebrow.

“No.”

“Then it can wait. Go shower – you smell like intestines.” He gets a gentle shove forward, and Zack flushes.

“Hey!”

Angeal shrugs, a little teasing grin on his face. “That’s an order from your commander, Second Class Fair.” The elevator doors close on him as he chuckles, leaving Zack alone and lightly offended in the hallway.

“Do I smell that bad?” he wonders.

Luckily for him, no one else is around to answer.

After he’s showered, changed, and given his mission report (it was a pretty straightforward monster hunt. He got most of them, and the infantry and third class that are stationed at Fort Condor took care of the rest, so the board members and visitors touring didn’t encounter anything on their trip), its already late into the night. But, for some reason, even after four days away, he isn’t tired.

He shovels spoonfuls of cereal into his mouth and pulls out his PHS. It’s late, but not late enough most people are asleep.

Kunsel 🤩😁😈:

[down 4 spar?????]

[with you? No way]

[😞]

[youre such a big baby]

[cant anyway, its my bedtime. mission at 0400]

Right. Kunsel actually has work to do, even if he doesn’t usually talk about it.

Zack groans, and after a moment of deliberation, decides to head down to the VR training room.

He needs to work off this energy somehow, and if no one can spar with him, he’ll just find something that will. He’d call Angeal, but that would just lead to more questions and concern, and he doesn’t want that. Besides, seeing him will only remind him of why he’s anxious in the first place.

He grabs one of the training swords off the wall – a thicker, bigger sword that he has. It feels better, though it’s a little harder than he remembers. His mind might be used to carrying the buster, but his body’s still only second class. Still, it’ll be good for him to practice with it anyway. Maybe he can request something similar, if he really is about to become a First.

He doesn’t know if becoming a First would even help. He’d be stronger, definitely. Maybe that’ll help a bit, if he has to fight anyone. But that’s what he’s trying to avoid, right? He doesn’t want a fight. He just wants to keep his friends safe.

That’s pointless, though, isn’t it. He really is naïve if he thinks he can try and leave, try and go against ShinRa without a fight.

He shakes his head with a  growl, pressing the button to begin the simulation a little bit too forcefully. Luckily, this room was made with Soldier strength in mind. The only people how have ever broken it are Sephiroth and Genesis.

The room around him flickers, shimmering multi-chrome for a moment before the scene changes. He’s on the streets of Midgar, above the plate, late at night. There are no people around, only third class SOLDIERs sprinting toward him. He readies himself, and once the first one reach him, he starts with a hard thrust of his blade forward. He spins and slashes at the next one, ducking low and rolling before he takes a hit from behind. Another faceless SOLDIER runs at him with it’s sword out, and he blocks, spinning out of the oncoming blow and driving his own sword down into it’s back.

This is easy too. His thoughts take a back seat as his body works through familiar moves, and he’s finished before long.

He stands in the middle of the street, barely winded, before the next simulation queues up.

The gun bull heads, he’s also familiar with. A bit harder, but still easy enough with his thundara equipped. He blasts through them with only a bit of effort, finally feeling the effects of exertion in his muscles and body tingling.

When he’s finished with them, he pants lightly, waiting for the next training simulation. It takes longer than the last time to switch over, and he wonders if maybe he was too fast. This this is still new, at this point in time, and it’s already been damaged once.

The walls shimmer.

Hot sun, beaming down.

Cloud’s arm around his shoulder, body unnaturally warm and head hanging limp and lifeless.

300 infantry, guns aimed on him as he grips his sword and prepares for the worst.

He gasps, taking an unsure step back as the streets of Midgar blend into the sandy desert outside the city, hundreds of infantrymen running for him. His heart lodges in his throat, hands going strangely numb. He blinks rapidly, and a shot goes off.

They’re going to get Cloud.

He runs forward with a yell, cutting through them. His breath is loud in his ears, panic making his entire body tremble, but he can’t – he can’t let them get to him. He can’t let them take him, take Cloud. Not after everything they’ve been through, everything that ShinRa did to him, to the firsts, to the planet. Zack swings his sword almost recklessly, searching desperately to make sure none of them have found where he hid Cloud.

Distantly, he’s aware that the terrain looks different than it did a moment ago. The cliff doesn’t look as close as it did, he can’t see Midgar in the distance anymore.

Another shot goes off, and the world glitches.

Zack shouts as he barely misses another infantryman, and brings the pommel of his sword down hard before continuing on and running through another that comes at him from his left. There are so many, everywhere he turns, and he can’t see Cloud.

Cloud.

Please be okay.

But he is, isn’t he? He just saw Cloud that morning, walking and talking and laughing.

An infantryman drops form the sky, electric baton jabbing at him. Zack dodges, blinking rapidly. There are no helicopters above, but he could have sworn there were a second ago.

This isn’t real.

Is it?

He falls onto his back in an attempt to roll out of the way as another shot goes off, and the jumps onto his feet, a cry tumbling past his lips when something wizzes past his face and his cheek stings. He blinks, and Angeal is in front of him in the warehouse, the point of the buster in his face. Zack gasps, breath stuttering.

He blinks again, and the world is dissolving.

“Zack?”

He blinks.

Genesis is in front of him, another Loveless quote that Zack doesn’t understand hanging in the air. His lips move, and Zack doesn’t listen, can’t listen, because the troopers are –

The troopers turn to shimmering light, blinding him.

“Zack. Listen to me.”

Something touches him and he jumps, bringing his sword up. He can’t let them take him.

He blinks, and –

Angeal’s lips are moving. The warehouse flickers between one breath and the next, falling away. Was it real?

Is he?

“…take a breath. Zack? Can you hear me?” It sounds as if it’s underwater, and he shakes his head, chest heaving. Where are the troopers? Where is he?

“Can you put the sword down?”

The sword?

Zack’s vision shakes and blurs, but he follows the line of his arms down to where his hands grip his sword tightly. It’s not the Buster – it’s a standard issue ShinRa sword, the grip wrapped in navy leather, the guard a scratched, aged bronze. His gaze travels up the blade, catching on the unfamiliar nicks and dings, all the way to the point of it, and off to the glowing mako eyes behind it.

Angeal.

He drops the sword, and it clatter to the ground. Everything moves into sharp focus.

“Deep breaths, Zack. In and out.”

The training room. He’s in the training room, because he wanted to work off his extra energy. Angeal and Genesis stand in front of him. Angeal’s hands are up, palms flat and facing him. They’re both a few feet away, frozen. Watching.

They must have been planning on using the room and seen him. They stopped the simulation, and he…he was lost in a memory.

He forces himself to take a deep breath, and it hurts. Angeal nods his encouragement.

“That’s good. Take another.”

“Sorry.” He gasps out.

“Don’t talk. Just focus on breathing.” Angeal takes a cautious step forward, and when Zack doesn’t react, he comes closer and reaches down to grab the hilt of the sword. He hands it back without looking away, and Genesis is silent as he takes it. He eyes Zack, gaze calculating. There is no gleam of fever or madness that he expects. It hasn’t started yet, he has time.

He breathes. It gets easier as the seconds tick by. Angeal stops a foot away from him, hands hovering like he wants to reach out.

“Zack,” He starts lowly, “Are you alright?”

“I – I –” he swallows back the urge to whimper and cry. “Y-yeah. It just – it just scratched me. I should be healed up soon.” He brings his hand up to wipe at the blood on his cheek and it shakes. “Sorry. Did you want the room?”

“Zack.” Angeal’s expression crumbles, worry and hurt written across his features.

“I’m fine.”

“You aren’t. What was that?”

“Nothing.” Zack tries. Angeal finally reach to touch him, and Zack jerks back. “It’s just – I just got freaked out, it’s fine. I didn’t think these sims could actually hurt, I’m good.” He lies.

“We both know that’s not true. What aren’t you telling me?” Angeal looks pained. “I know something’s been bothering you, and I’ve been trying to give you space, but you need to talk to me.”

“I…” he can’t. He can’t, he can’t.

“Did something happen on you last mission in Wutai? You seemed fine after, but this? This isn’t fine, Zack.”

“Nothing happened -”

“Then what’s going on with you?” Angeal is begging. Zack closes his eyes and sees the same expression on his face, the day that he…

“Someone…” the lie that forms on his tongue tastes bitter. But it’s as close to the truth as he can get, for now, so he pushes it out. “Someone died. An old friend back home. And I – I haven’t, uh. Been dealing, I guess.” He forces out.

Angeal sighs, shoulders slumping.

“I’m sorry, Zack.” He says quietly.

“Yeah.” He swallows thickly. “I guess it – it’s not really something you can help with, so I didn’t want to bother you with it. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” Angeal reach out again – the last time. Now, Zack lets him. He wants a hug – he deserves one, honestly. And Angeal gives the best ones, even if he does it rarely. Zack’s tall, but Angeal is the tallest SOLDIER in the program, still towering over him by a couple inches. He feels…safe. “It’s never a bother to come to me for things like this, understand? I’m your mentor, remember? You’re supposed to be able to come to me with all your problems.”

Zack pulls back.

“Even relationship problems?”

Angeal’s mouth twitches.

“Maybe not all your problems.” He laughs, and he feels – not light. The weight of everything is still pressing down on him, but it’s not so heavy.

Maybe he’s been going about this wrong.

“You should head back to your apartment.” Genesis’ voice is sharp, but not unkind. Zack kinda forgot he was there. “It’s lights out soon.”

“You guys are still here.” He points out. Genesis waves him away.

“As if we would ever be denied anything. ShinRa is nothing without us.” He huffs.

“Gen,” Angeal pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Alright, alright. I’m tired, anyway.” Zack relends, backing away. It’s the truth, at least. Whatever happened to him in here, it definitely sapped the last of his strength, and all that energy he had. “Thank you, for…” comforting him? Stopping him? he has no idea. Angeal gets it anyway.

“Goodnight, Zack. Get some rest, okay?” He calls after him. Zack shoots him a grin and a thumbs up.

That’s it, he decides. Tomorrow.

I’m telling them tomorrow.

Genesis watches the boy go, waiting until his footsteps have truly faded before he turns to Angeal to assess his reaction.

“You don’t believe him.” Angeal says, eyes still trained on the door.

“Of course not. You don’t either.” Genesis agrees. Angeal makes an unhappy sound, and Genesis leans his shoulder against him. “That was not just grief.”

“No. It wasn’t. We both know what that was.”

“You read his mission reports. Nothing happened on his previous trip to Wutai to warrant a reaction on this scale. And if it had, he definitely wouldn’t have been able to hide it.” Genesis frowns in thought. He recalls Fair’s reaction a few weeks ago, when he was brought to medical – tense, unwilling. Scared. He thought the kid was just nervous about the incident keeping him from getting promoted, at the time. But now…

“What are you thinking?” Angeal asks him, turning his head so they’re only a few inches apart. His voice is soft, too low for most thing to overhear.

“When I brought him to medical, he said he didn’t like the science department. Not doctors – scientists.” He admits. Angeal’s eyes close, pained.

“You don’t think…”

“If Sephiroth were here, he would be able to provide some insight. But you and I both know it’s not out of the realm of possibility for that wretched creature to dig his claws into anyone. Even one of ours.” Genesis scowls at the thought.

He doesn’t know Zackary personally, but the fact that he’s important to Angeal is enough. And even if he wasn’t, Genesis isn’t a fan of human experimentation on principle. There just isn’t much he can do about it. The public might think that the Firsts are the most important people in the company, but they know that’s far from true. There are only two people here who can create more SOLDIERs from ShinRa, and it isn’t either of them.

“He would have said something if Hojo did something to him.”

“If he even remembers it. Sephiroth doesn’t recall at least half of what was done to him.” he watches the expressions flicker across Angeal’s face, and reaches up to kiss him softly. “Enough speculation for now. I came here to spar.”

“He’s my student, Gen.”

“And there’s nothing we can do about it now.” He pulls back, hand going to Rapier. “Until Sephiroth is back with us, we wait and observe. Ready, dear heart?” he smiles. Rapier comes to life under his hand, glowing bright.

Angeal plants his feet, fingers curling over the Buster’s hilt. He offers up a tiny smile, and Genesis feels his own soften, just for a moment.

“If you insist.”