Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

# Here is Jhon McEnroe and our favorite Hindu-American girl is currently freaking out in her room #

It's amazing how everything goes wrong in my life. My soulmate will just say, "Yeah. Okay." Seriously, it could be anyone! Even Benjamin Gross! Yes, the first one I spoke to him about in elementary school was:

Flashback on

"Hey. Would you like to play with me?" I asked approaching the only person familiar at halftime. Eleonor was on his way for kicking the professor's shin and Fabiola was in the computer room disassembling a computer.

"Yeah. Okay," Ben said with a dreamy look.

"You said!!!" I scream in shock. I don't even notice the other kids looking at me and soon losing interest in my scandal.

"Said what?" He questions startled. His blue eyes were so big!

"My words! Dãaa..." I say as if it's obvious.

"What's that?" He asks curiously.

"The first words your soulmate says to you. What are yours?" I ask suspiciously. He should know!

I was born with my soulmate's words imprinted on my hip, which means he's older than at least a few hours. When your soulmate is born, the first words she will say to you appear somewhere in your body. Some people only receive their mark after adults, some never receive it. Usually the age difference is not so stark, much of it is either born with your brand or receives it until the Middle School.

If I have the words he told me, he should have mine! Expect what I said to himself? Oh my God! I don't remember! And why is he looking at me like I've thrown dirt at his snack?

I shook my head, widened my eyes, and arched my eyebrows waiting for his answer.

"What's the matter?"

"I don't have a soulmate yet! She's not born yet!" He says and rushes into a classroom.

# Did anyone else hear glass shattering? #

That doesn't make sense! He said! I've memorized these words since my father said what they meant. The pronunciation of these words is etched in my brain, I respond to them as if it were my own name whenever someone says them even remotely close to me. He said! It's not fair! He could pretend he's my soulmate... What if in the future someone pretends? What if he's my soulmate, but I'm not his? I will never be reciprocated!

The tears left my eyes without me noticing. That was wrong. It wasn't fair. I was only 5 years old, but it felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest in less than 5 minutes.

# And this is the moment when our girl cried and her father was forced to pick her up from school. #

"Kanna, don't cry. What happened that made my perfect girl cry?" my father asked as I sat on his blue motorcycle.

"I don't have a soulmate!" I cry out to him.

"What? It's obvious you have kanna, that was just your first month at this school. Maybe you only meet him when you're at university or work. So don't worry if you don't find him now." He says as he wipes away my tears and finishes kissing my forehead.

"But Daddy, he said my words, but he didn't have mine" I say crying. "I'm not his soulmate" I hug her and try to inhale the comforting smell of her scent.

He chuckles. "Honey, you don't have to worry. Do you have no idea how many women cursed at me before your mother?" He asks, pulling my face away.

"But swearing is wrong." I say confusedly.

"Yes, that's true. But your mother disagreed with that when I met her. Don't comment to your mom about it, she's upset that her first words to me were so ugly." He pauses emphasizing the importance of me not commenting to her and grabs a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe my face and nose. "I've had a few women say, especially when I bumped into someone on the streets of New Dehli. But I never said the words etched into their skin. When I lost hope, your mother showed up and cursed even more when she realized who I was. It was really funny, she was so mad at that moment, like when you lost Mr. Bubble on the playground. So don't be sad my perfect girl, you'll find him at the right time, okay?!" she says and grabs the kid's helmet that was in her backpack.

"Okay daddy. Do you swear I'll find him?" I ask hopeful and needing the comfort that everything was going to be okay.

"I swear." He says with a smile and puts the helmet on the wrong side of me covering my face.

"Not so, it's on the wrong side Daddy" I say and take off my helmet.

"Now how about some frozen yogurt?" he asks distracting me from that situation.

"Yes," I yell excitedly at the prospect of a dessert before dinner.

Flashback off

This year I plan to get a boyfriend. I don't need to wait for a soulmate who might show up on my deathbed. This year will be MY year! I'll be popular, smart and go to parties with alcohol and drugs, but just to say 'No thanks I'm fine'.

I look at myself once more in the mirror admiring my miniskirt and striped blouse. It has been a very difficult year since my father's death. But after a boring summer, I got rid of the wheelchair, a new school year will start and I will get rid of the girl who lost her father and was paraplegic for 3 months.

Maybe I should put on a piercing to make it 'cool'.

"DEVIIII! You're going to be late for class!" Shouts my mother from the first floor.

"I'm already going mom!" I yell back and go down to breakfast.

As I descend I find my perfect cousin, Kamala, serving the breakfast table.

"Are you going with that skirt?" My mother questions looking me up and down.

"I'm going, it's my first day of school and I want to show off my perfectly functional legs" I say alluding to my situation a few months ago trying to sensitize my mother.

The displeasure on her face made me hesitate to insist on her. Maybe I should hide that skirt in my backpack.

"JUST TODAY!" She said emphatically with her finger in my direction with a scowl gracing her face.

I smile and sit down at the table for breakfast. Today is the first day of the best year of my life.

# Why do I feel this is going to go very wrong? #

Chapter Text

I leave history class thinking about how I'm going to get a boyfriend who's going to make me popular. Maybe I should fuck Paxton, it would definitely make me popular and a bit of a slut. But a slut who knows how to choose. It's not like he's going to date me anyway.

Maybe he wants something I have! Who I want to fool. My bra is the smallest number for someone my age. Maybe I can take some hormones... My mother would never let go. My hips could be smaller, but it disguises my belly well...

"Aaaaahhh........." I scream into the bathroom mirror and a girl who comes in scaring me comes out scared on her face. "You stupid, soon they will call you crazy..." I say to my reflection and leave more angrily than I had entered.

I caught Paxton's attention in the worst way in Fancy History. Saying "wow". It was just a single word not directed at anyone. This way I will never even be able to talk to him, I am unable to speak directly to him. No further comment on this gaffe. Maybe I should end this day, I just attended one class and I've screwed up with everything.

"Miss Vishwakumar, you're late for class" My biology teacher chimes as soon as I pass the door injunction.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Jones," I apologize and head to the back of the room.

"Very well. Class, today we're going to dissect frogs and...." Mrs. Jones begins, but is interrupted.

"But today is the first class of the year," Marcus yells at the table next to mine.

"This is my Mr Smith class and this semester we will focus on animal anatomy, next week we will study crickets. Any new student introductions will be made when it's not my class. Other than that, my name is on the board on the detail side of what we're going to do today. I was clear or would you like to repeat my class... again?" She asks Marcus, making him shrink into his chair.

"Yes ma'am," he says, lowering his head.

Something tells me that my day is only going to get worse...

# Don't be so pessimistic Devi, maybe you can still improve #

"Do doubles, but choose your partner well, he'll be fixed for the rest of the semester and get a frog." Mrs. Jones asks the room.

I look around, but I can't find anyone I get along with in the slightest. I notice Marcus looking at me. That's not going to work. What does he want with me? He's analyzing me. Oh oh. Popular alert looking for a pet nerd. I glance around the room and see Ben at the second table. I get up the moment Marcus gets up to come towards me. I run and throw myself into the chair next to Gross before he catches up with me.

"What are you doing here?" Ben questions with the due discomfort of someone who doesn't want to spend more time with me than necessary. "I don't know if you've noticed, but we're odd numbers. And I want to be alone, I don't need anyone getting in my way." He says and goes back to arranging his desk.

"Oh. I'm sorry Benny Boo, but I'd rather take this class with an asshole like you than serve as a doormat for Hot Pocket." That making fun of the nickname his girlfriend calls him.

"And me with it. If my grades drop a tenth or get in the way of me you're forbidden to approach the papers, you can only observe okay?" He says putting on his gloves with a snap to fetch the frog. He couldn't be more cheesy if he tried. It's not like I want to study frogs. Maybe next week I can dissect my partner.

"Mrs. Jones, next week can we dissect our partner?" I ask attracting everyone's attention.

I see her taking a deep breath and running her hand over her face.

"If you, or Mr. Gross, disrupt my class, or hurt each other, or whatever I deem worthy of a six-year-old to do, you will be expelled from my class. So please spare us any childish bickering. "Ouch, that one hurt. She's definitely not on a good day like I am. But be that as it may, Ben is looking at me with the frog in his hand as if he were going to kill me. I think today I'll just take notes instead of touching this gooey animal. And my grades won't suffer...

# It seems that our girl is starting to see that the day can get better. #

# That's a very bad idea. I'll recap for you what happened: Devi has decided she's going to talk to Paxton and offer casual sex. It's nighttime, she's wearing a baggy sweatshirt outside the school gymnasium... This has everything to go wrong. It was easier to stay at home whining about the nickname Unfuckable Nerd. She never even got to speak directly to Paxton. Losing your V card won't solve your problems... Dr Ryan needs to be more attentive to you. I honestly don't even want to watch that scene #

Oh no. He walked out of the gym. Talk to him. TALK TO HIM. I take a deep breath and start talking before he pulls away too far.

"You don't know me, but my name is Devi Vishwakumar." I say noticing is paying attention and certainly very confused by the situation and then I add a few more facts "I'm in second year. I sit behind you in history class... Was I also paralyzed last year?" And finally I see the recognition in his eyes. "Oh, okay, great. You're familiar with it. So here's the thing. I'm into you. Like, I could name all the classes you've taken in the last couple of years." I notice his half-scared face, "But I'm not going to do that. And I know you would never be my boyfriend because you're you and I'm me... but I was wondering if you would consider... " I hesitate a little "... have sex with me? Oh my God. I'm such an idiot. I'm sorry." It all came out so messed up, all I want to do is hide in a hole in the ground as far away from here as possible.

"Yeah. Okay." Oh my God! That's my sentence. But since I thought Ben Gross was my soulmate, I've learned that assumptions aren't always the best way. And he didn't seem to recognize my words.

"What?" Did he really stumble?

"Just sex, right?"

"Just sex," I nodded.

"But I can't tonight."

"Wow, okay! Legal. That's surprising. Waiting for it. We'll get back to talking about it." I stretch out my hand and greet him like I'm closing a deal, I was in the clouds. The hottest guy in high school was going to take my virginity. I couldn't wait...

# It is shocking that he agreed to this proposal without foot or head #

Chapter Text

# Here is John Mcenroe and today Devi is in the bathroom... I think she could have been more careful with that blade. #

"Ouch." I bruise myself again and see a trickle of blood run down my thigh. Why is shaving the bikini line so hard? Maybe I should make a Brazilian wax... How much does it cost?

Today I'm going to school and then I'm going to talk to Paxton to set up our casual sex date. I'm so nervous... How many people can say they lost their V card with someone as catty as him?! He is the Adonis of Sherman Oaks College.

# I wanted to understand, why not wait for your soulmate? That's romantic. #

I shave as much as I can without hurting myself anymore. Should I tell my friends? Fabiola will definitely be against... but Eleonor will be in favor... Maybe I should only tell you after I roll. So I'm going to pretend everything is normal....

"Devi, you're going to be late for class." My mom says knocking on the bathroom door.

"I'm already going down," I take a deep breath looking at myself in the mirror, "Today is your day." I straighten my hair one last time and get down before I get lost in thought again.

When I get to school I see my friends waiting for me.

"Don't you know what I just knew? Zoe Maytang is throwing a party at her house this weekend to celebrate the new school year and she invited the whole school." Eleanor says agitatedly.

"I don't think we were invited... or the robotics club... or the chess club... or the..." Fabiola says, starting to list all the clubs made up of nerds possible.

"It doesn't matter because the drama club has been invited and I'm inviting you both." Eleanor cuts Fabiola.

"A teenage party is what we need to become popular. We need to stop being the UN okay? We have to prove we're beautiful girls and definitely fuckble."

# I think it's better I don't opine. #

"I just don't see how going to this party can help us."

"We need new, short or tight clothes. Better yet, short AND tight." I say already thinking about how I'm going to show that I'm hot.... Okay, maybe not everyone thinks that, but someone will, preferably Paxton.

Speaking of him I notice he just parked his car. Oh my God. Should I greet him? OR should I pretend I don't know him?

"I need to go to the bathroom" I say and quickly enter before he reaches the entrance where my friends and I were standing.

"We'll go with you," my friends say, catching up with me.

"I'm super tight, meet you there." I hurry the step towards the women's bathroom.

I lock myself in one of the booths and feel my breathing ragged. Calm down. It's just Paxton, maybe you'll even become fucking friends later. Keep calm Devi. I let my thoughts wander about our conversation. It would be a dream come true if he were my soulmate. But he doesn't seem to have a soul mark. Unless your words are etched into your ass. Which is very unlikely, as I said my name in our first interaction, so he would know all along that it was me.

What if I'm his soulmate and he's ashamed of me?

"It's not possible. If he knew, he wouldn't..."

"Devi, what are you talking about in there?" Eleonor asks knocking on the door.

"Nothing," I reply startled. I NEED to see Paxton's brand, IF he has it. He probably doesn't have any soul marks. I'm just worrying. But I would definitely like to know if he has a better half.

The rest of the day passes like a blur. It was hard to concentrate when all he could do was think about Paxton, more specifically his brand. Or your lack.

What should I do? Message him? That, you were already going to do that. As soon as the last signal rings I pull out my phone and send him a DM.

Hey, I'm the girl who offered you sex

*Extinguish*

Hi, I talked to you at the door of the gym yesterday

*Extinguish*

Hey, it's Devi, I talked to you last night ;-)

*Send*

It's a good text. Oh my God he saw.

Hi, today I have no training, want to meet me now in the parking lot?

Okay, on the way

;-)

I take a deep breath and walk out of my literature class with Mr. K.

"Devi," Eleonor yells when she sees me in the hallway. "You won't believe it. Look what I found in the costumes." She says opening her backpack and partially pulling on a sequined skirt "What do you think about me wearing that to Zoe's party?"

"You're definitely going to shine El." I say trying to convey animation, but feeling like I'm failing miserably.

"Hey, Fab." She screams and runs away and I take the opportunity to disappear from the crowd.

I find Paxton leaning against his car talking to Trent.

"Thanks bro, I've to go..." He says when he sees me and says goodbye to Trent. He motions for me to get in the car. He looks serious.

"Hey. Do you want to go home?"

"Sure" I reply feeling nervous, but trying to pass off a blasé attitude. I AM going to Paxton's house to have sex.

We didn't talk, but I feel him stealing glances the same way I was looking, when he caught me looking I looked away quickly. Is he checking me out? Oh, those hands are so beautiful. I wonder what those fingers can do.

As soon as we arrive the nervousness I managed to contain comes at full speed like a derailed train.

He serves me a refri and says I can sit down. I look around and I'm surprised that he set up a pretty cool place for him in the garage, with television, video game and a beanbag.

"You know, I wanted to talk to you" He says sitting down on the couch as I pick out the beanbag.

"About what?" I ask a little confused and nervous, what did he want to say?

"Why do you want to have sex without commitment?" He asks and wow, he was direct, but his leg is swinging and he doesn't look me in the eye. Is Paxton HY nervous?

# Is the hottest boy in high school nervous around Devi? #

"Because that's all you would do with a person like me." I respond as if it's obvious.

"Why do you think that?" He asks in surprise and meets my gaze and ours, what beautiful eyes. I could get lost in those expressive eyes, they're like molten gold.

"Because you're Paxton Hall-Yoshida, captain of the swim team and I'm Devi, captain of the debate team." I arch my eyebrows.

"Just because I'm popular?"

"Exactly." What is the point he wants to reach?

"That doesn't make any sense." Wow, he looks genuinely offended and a little incredulous.

"It makes sense, yes. You have three tumblr dedicated to you. And one of them is in Korean."

He blinks a few times and I see that he struggles to find the words.

"Is this serious?"

"Yes, you didn't know?"

He nods.

"Look... what I wanted to ask is.... Are you sure you just want casual sex?" He asks uncertainly.

"Nope. Yes. I don't know, but you wouldn't go out with me anyway, I just want to leave behind the girl who lost her father and became paraplegic, I want to go to parties, drink, lose my virginity and feel beautiful. " I shut up when I realize I just said I'm a virgin. " I think I'd better go," I say, getting up and grabbing my backpack off the floor.

"NOPE. Wait. I want to show you something," he says, stepping in front of me with his palms up, as if approaching a cornered animal.

I look at him wide-eyed and nod uncertainly. That was a bad idea, I just spoiled the chance to have sex with the boy more.... Is he opening his pants?!

# Oh my God, is he really lowering his pants? #

Paxton turns and turns back and lets pull his pants and underwear down showing his ass. What a beautiful ass, it makes you want to squeeze, but right there on the right cheek is the first words I said to him.

"You don't know me, but my name is Devi Vishwakumar."

# FUCK #

Chapter Text

# Please, NO #

"OK. I just need to avoid him in the only class we have together. It shouldn't be hard." I say to myself in the mirror. I avoided it for 5 days and 10 hours. I can do it.

# I believe you all remember what happened last week when Paxton revealed that his soulmate is Devi, right? Except that instead of her being elated, she freaked out. And it wasn't in a good way. She ran away and left him with his pants pulled back. He texted a lot on the DM and she just blocked him without even seeing the messages. For someone who has liked him since elementary school, she doesn't seem excited. #

I just need to avoid it until graduation, two years. TWO YEARS. Not much time.

# You literally run away from him every time he tries to approach in the hallway. Not even your friends are understanding what's happening to you. And you won't be able to hide for that long. #

I look again at the map of the school with the times Paxton spends in each hallway. With the exception of today, every other day I manage to avoid him by taking a different route to my class, but somehow it seems like every time I look around I see him approaching. I'm not ready. Today there's no way I can avoid it. I need my support group. Eleanor wouldn't understand and Fabiola seems to be in the moon world lately.

I look back on our last class together. I could observe the rest of the year this beautiful head full of well-groomed curls, but it looks like I'll be avoiding this beautiful landscape. I have a many-step plan to avoid it today.

1. I'll be there early. He is ALWAYS late for class. I don't want to risk being alone in a hallway with him.
2. I'm going to sit in the front row. What the eyes do not see the heart does not feel.
3. I'll quickly leave the room as soon as it's over. Fabiola and Eleanor meet me later.
4. I'm going to have lunch in the kitchen with the lunch girls again.
5. Paxton has practice after school, so I can rest easy after the last class.
6. Tell my friends tonight. (I'm still in doubt about this, Eleonor would find it extremely romantic and Fabiola is a mystery what she would advise me to do.)

"You can do it," I say to my reflection in the mirror. Can I pretend I'm sick? No. My mother would kill me and bury the body in the backyard. That's not going to work.

"You must" I look at Kamala standing in the doorway of my room.

"Hey," I say, not bothering to leave the place.

"You can't stand in front of the mirror your whole life. You'll be late for class. If you're worried about your clothes I can lend you some." She says courteously, but that makes me slightly suspicious.

"No thanks. There's nothing wrong with my clothes." I look again in the mirror, but to analyze my clothes.

I look at her again and see her looking anxiously at my window.

"What are you looking at?" I ask and turn to look.

"NOOO." I freak out at her scream.

"What the scream is that?" My mother asks walking up the stairs. "No one is going to answer me?" She asks when she arrives at my bedroom door. I look from one to the other.

"I'm not sure." I say confused.

"Aunt Nalini, I was just scared because I thought I saw... Um... a crow in the window. That's it." Kamala replies with a strained smile.

"Okay. Come down both, you need to have breakfast before you leave." What happened to Kamala? Why didn't she want to look out the window? Forget. I don't have time for that. Not today.

# Was it an Asian boy passing outside Devi's window?#

"What are you doing?" Eleonor asks me as she notices me looking around.

"Nothing." I say in a higher-pitched voice than usual.

"What are you running away from? It's only the second week of school! Who did you off?" She interrogates me.

"What? Nobody. I guess."

"Devi, El is right, you are very strange. Something happened. What was it?" Fabi and Eleonor begin to nodd.

"It's that the..." I stop and look around. "Not here, then at my house okay?" They agree and I see Paxton approaching Trent. "Let's go to class, say and drag them both by the hands."

"But it's too early!"

"Devi is still 15 minutes away" They protest, but I ignore them and continue to guide us quickly into the story room. We're the first to arrive and I sit in the first chair near the door to get away quicker later.

"I should. What was that?" El questions me cranky.

"Later." I say watching Ben Gross enter the room.

"Okay. This afternoon and not a minute longer."

"Hey, David, did you fall out of bed or did your mother finally kick you out of the house?"

"There is. Ha. Ha. Very funny Gross. And you, stayed up all night in fear of the bogeyman?"

"Good." Eleonor comes and makes a hi five.

"Our David, maybe you should pay more attention in class and not me. Even though I know I'm irresistible. I'm too much for you to handle."

# Asshole. This kid needs to get out of the picture #

"My bad, Gross. But unlike you, it's not going to be the money that's going to make me desirable." Short asshole!

Honestly, it's good he doesn't stand in my way to be the valedictorian of the class. I need to beat him right now, I wouldn't want anything to stand in my way for a perfect last year. And no soulmate. No Paxton. Shit, why do I feel sad about this? Maybe I should change schools.... But it would mess up my entire school record and my mom would never agree. That's when I miss my dad. I wouldn't have to lie and he would still agree to move me out of school. He would support me 100%. To tell you the truth he would be extremely happy that I want to get away from my soulmate, at least in high school... Then he would force me to face reality with the best possible advice. Each and every thought comes out of my head when the person prowling my thoughts arrives like a Greek god. Fuck, he's the teenage adonis himself. I look around and notice that the room is full.

When did all these people arrive?

He's looking at me. OH MY GOD. He stopped in front of my desk. What do I do? HOW DO I RUN AWAY? The bell rings and saves me from having to say something. Mr. Shapiro arrives with a shirt written Black Lives Matter and talking about how unfair this society is. You know what's unfair? It's staying with someone just because of a few words etched into their skin. I don't pay attention in class. I can feel their stares. He sat in third place two rows after mine. Stop looking. Don't look at him.

"Are you mad at me Devi?" Asks Mr. Shapiro pulling me out of my stupor.

"What? Not Mr. Shapiro, I'm just meditating on this subject, he's extremely important and complex, it requires a lot of attention" I smile, but it doesn't convince even me, but he accepts it for now. When the signal rings I run out. I didn't even take my notebook out of my backpack today.

"Devi..." I hear someone calling me, but I can't tell if it was Mr. Shapiro, Paxton or one of my friends. I need to get out of this ASAP. This pattern repeats itself. I sit in the chair closest to the door and leave as soon as the signal rings. He tries to get closer a few times, but I manage to avoid it.

Exactly two months later I realize he doesn't try anymore. I still feel his eyes look at me. But now he sits in the back and across the room. He's arrived earlier today just to sit there. Is he avoiding me? Why is he avoiding me? I'm avoiding him and not the other way around. And when did this start?

# He started avoiding you last week, only you didn't notice because she was late because of cousin Kamala who gave you a ride and just forgot to fuel the car. #

How do I revert this?

# Isn't that what you wanted? #