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“Why are we even making cupcakes? Can’t you just, like, buy some?” Peter leaned against the counter and watched as Tony poured ingredients into a mixing bowl.
“God, Peter, what would your aunt say if she heard you talking like this?”
“She would agree with me. Have you eaten anything she’s baked? You’d have to call poison control.”
“I’m telling her you said that,” Tony laughed. “We are making these cupcakes with love.”
“Did Steve get mad at you last time for bringing store bought?”
“Apparently they were too good. If that’s even possible. I don’t feel like getting into an argument with an elderly man today, so,” Tony gestured to the bowl, “homemade.”
“We should build a robot that can make cupcakes,” Peter suggested.
“I’ve been poisoned by DUM-E way too many times to trust a robot with something that goes in my body.” Tony handed Peter the bowl and a whisk, “Stir.”
“Why do I have to stir?” Peter asked, taking the bowl. “Cupcakes were your idea, and I was raised by May Parker. This is a disaster waiting to happen.”
“I don’t think your Parker genes can screw up mixing. Also, super-strength. Use it.” Now it was Tony’s turn to lean against the counter.
“This is child labor,” Peter grumbled.
“Yeah, at nineteen I’m pretty sure it’s just regular labor. You can vote and you’re in college, no lawyer would take your case.”
“You should use your robot arm to mix.” Peter’s tone was light as he mixed the batter.
“You want me to risk getting raw egg in my extremely expensive prosthetic?” Tony shook his head.
“What, you didn’t egg-proof your arm? That’s a major oversight. I thought you were supposed to be, like, the smartest person in the world.” Peter handed Tony back the bowl, the batter fully mixed together, “I really looked up to you as a kid, you know, you’re crushing my dreams right now.”
“Why would I have to egg proof it? I have you to handle any and all egg-related crises.” Tony began spooning batter into cupcake liners. “Are you excited for the party?”
“Yeah, it’ll be nice to see everyone,” Peter said. “Why do you even still come to these things? You’re retired.”
“I need to make sure no one gets cocky. I show up with my, as you say, robot arm, and they all remember who saved the world. Nothing personal, just need to make sure no one forgets the best Avenger.”
Peter grinned, “You miss them.”
Tony put his hands up and smiled gently, “Caught.” He continued preparing cupcakes, “Yeah, they’re like family. Extended family, that is crazy and you only want to see twice a year, but family.”
Tony had been more open since the snap. Peter didn’t know if this was something that developed during the five years he was gone or if it was a result of nearly dying and losing his arm, but he was grateful for it nonetheless. Tony and Pepper had welcomed May and Peter into their family with open arms, and had insisted on paying for Peter’s education.
“Are we gonna make Morgan decorate these?” Peter asked as Tony put the cupcakes into the oven and set a timer.
“That would be actual child labor,” Tony pointed out. “But no, I love her, but kids are disgusting. They would end up covered in kid-goo. You’re decorating and I’m supervising.”
“I would like to remind you that I’m a STEM guy. My decorating skills are not up to par. Kid-goo would look better than whatever I can do.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Tony patted him on the shoulder, “Remember your original Spider-Man suit? That thing was a real work of art.” Peter scowled at him.
A few hours later, Tony and Peter were heading out the door of the lake house. Peter was carrying a large tray of badly decorated, Spider-Man themed cupcakes. The theming was only in colour, however, a few had wobbly spiderwebs from when Peter was testing his skills out.
“Can I drive?” Peter asked.
“Absolutely not.” Tony opened the driver’s side door, “You can babysit the cupcakes.”
“C’mon, Tony, I’m so good at driving.”
“I value my life too much. Get in.” Tony and Peter both got in the car and began the drive to the compound. It was about half an hour, and they made the drive in companionable silence, listening to the quiet radio.
Tony parked in front of the building. “Before we go inside, I need to let you know that we have some new recruits. Young ones. Cap thinks it’ll be good for morale to have all of our young team members meet each other, so I’m making you hang out with them.”
“But I’m one of the real Avengers, not a new one. I helped fight Thanos! Twice!”
Tony sighed, “Don’t remind me. You’re not allowed in any more battles until you’re thirty.”
“Rude.”
“I have enough grey hairs as it is. Just, hang out with the kids, okay? You are also a kid, as you so graciously reminded me earlier.”
“What happened to me being in college and able to vote? I thought no lawyer would be willing to defend me.”
Tony gently smacked him over the head, “I’m sick of the attitude. C’mon, everyone needs to see these beautiful cupcakes.”
They walked into the main gathering area of the compound and Peter quickly deposited the cupcakes on a random table, happy to finally be rid of them. A few Avengers were already present: Natasha and Yelena, Steve, Bruce, Rhodey, and Scott were all sitting on couches near the bar. A girl that Peter hadn’t seen before was sitting with Cassie at a different table, away from the rest.
“Can I have a drink?” Peter asked.
“What? Apple juice?”
“No,” Peter groaned. “From the bar, I mean.”
“Absolutely not, I’m sure you do enough underage drinking at MIT. I won’t be encouraging it.” Tony shook his head and began to lead Peter over to the table that Cassie was at.
“I don’t, though. Unlike you, I’m actually getting an education at college.”
“Ha, ha. Very funny. FRIDAY won’t let anyone under twenty-one near the bar. She won’t let me go near it either. You can have as much apple juice as you want though.” They arrived at the table, “Hey, kiddos, here’s a new friend. Enjoy your playdate.”
The girl Peter didn’t recognize went wide-eyed, “You’re Iron Man!”
“So I’ve been told. You are?” Tony’s tone was kind.
“I’m Kamala Khan, sir. Ms. Marvel. Carol— Captain Marvel told me I had to come here but she didn’t stay.” She spoke quickly, like she was afraid she was on a time limit.
“It’s nice to meet you, Ms. Khan. This is Peter.” He gestured to Peter, “I’m going to go hang out with the adults now.” Tony turned on his heel and left Peter with the two girls.
“Hey,” Peter said. “Nice to meet you, Kamala. Good to see you, Cassie.”
“Hey, Peter.” She raised a hand in greeting.
“You guys know each other?” Kamala asked.
“Yeah, her dad’s Ant-Man. We’ve seen each other at these parties for ages.”
“Right, of course.” Kamala smiled, “I’m so excited to be here. I think they’re going to make me an Avenger.”
“That’s awesome,” Peter said. “Tony told me they were recruiting some new people and wanted you guys to meet each other.”
Another girl arrived at their table, led by Doctor Strange. He greeted them and then left to join the other adult Avengers. “Hi, I’m America.” She introduced herself.
“As in, the country?” Cassie asked.
America shrugged, “I don’t know. I’m not from here.”
They all accepted that without much question and introduced themselves to her. Peter moved closer to Cassie, the only one in the group he was really familiar with. “Cassie, will you help me?”
“With what?”
“I want to get alcohol from the bar, but Tony told me FRIDAY would keep me away from it.”
“Why? Don’t you drink at MIT?”
“No, I’m busy at MIT. Will you help me, or not?”
“What do you want me to do?” She smiled conspiratorially, “Because I’m totally in.”
“I’m thinking that if you shrink down, you’ll be able to get past FRIDAY’s sensors.” She nodded, “Do you guys want in on our plan?” He asked the other girls.
They both shook their heads.
“I’m Muslim.”
“I’m fourteen.”
Peter and Cassie both nodded. “Yeah, okay, makes sense. You can stay out of it,” Cassie said.
“I can’t believe they’re recruiting you at fourteen,” Kamala said. America shrugged.
Peter kept his mouth shut, knowing he had no right to talk about superhero age limits.
Cassie pretended to go to the bathroom as a pretense to leave the room. Peter had no way of knowing when she would shrink or when she would return. After a few minutes, FRIDAY’s alarm blared, making the trio flinch. Busted.
Cassie returned to her regular size, looking exasperated. Tony let out a bark of laughter. “I’m assuming Peter put you up to this?” He asked.
“No,” she said. “All me.” Cassie Lang was many things, but a snitch was not one of them.
“Yeah, it was my idea,” Peter interrupted, walking over to Cassie. “Sorry.”
“C’mon, Cassie, really?” Scott asked, shaking his head. “Don’t do it again.”
“I told you, no one under twenty-one can get past FRIDAY.” Tony shrugged, “Even if they’re really tiny.”
Cassie and Peter returned to their seats, heads down.
“I can’t believe you guys thought that would work,” America said.
“Yeah, yeah,” Peter sighed
“No, I’m determined now. We’ll figure something out.” Cassie grinned at Peter, “If anyone can outsmart Tony Stark, it’s me and you.”
Before they could continue scheming, Clint came over with yet another girl, though this one seemed a little older. “Hey, guys,” he greeted. “Enjoy the kids’ table, Kate.”
“Wait, what?” Peter asked. “This is the kids’ table? I’m not a kid.”
Clint grinned, “Yeah it’s the kids’ table. Didn’t Stark tell you?” Peter shook his head. “That’s hilarious.” Clint turned and joined the others.
Peter frowned, “I shouldn’t be at the kids’ table.”
“I definitely shouldn’t be at the kids’ table,” the new girl, Kate, said. “Nice to meet you guys though. I guess it’ll be cool to hang out with people who don’t complain about back pain.”
They all introduced themselves to her and the group engaged in friendly conversation. Peter and Cassie continued quietly scheming, figuring out how to get around FRIDAY while also not being noticed by the adults. Peter didn’t even notice Tony approaching.
Tony clapped a hand on Peter’s shoulder, “How are you tykes doing over here?” He asked.
“Fine, but I really should be with you guys,” Peter said.
“Yeah, right.” Tony handed him a glass of what looked like apple juice, “Here’s the drink that you want so desperately.”
“That is so not funny.”
“It’s really funny.”
“If I can’t have alcohol, can I at least drive home?”
“Fuck no— Sorry. You are absolutely not driving home, especially in the dark.” Tony ruffled Peter’s hair, “I’ll let you drive when you’re thirty.”
“Why can I only do things when I’m thirty?” Peter scowled.
“Because I think that’s when you’ll develop some self-preservation.” Tony smiled, “If everything’s good here, I’m going to go sit with the grown-ups again.”
“Good riddance,” Peter said, no real bite to his words. Tony walked away and resumed his seat on the couch.
“I wonder what Clint would do if I went over there,” Kate wondered out loud. “I kind of want to hang out with Yelena.”
“Well, how old are you?” Cassie asked.
“Twenty-three.”
Cassie and Peter looked at each other and smiled at the same time. “You’re old enough to go to the bar!” Cassie exclaimed.
“Yup.” Kate nodded, “I am definitely over twenty-one.”
“You can get past FRIDAY,” Peter said.
“What’s FRIDAY?”
“Stark’s AI,” Cassie answered. “She’s stopping us from getting to the bar, but she won’t stop you.”
“Will you get us drinks?” Peter asked hopefully.
“And incur the wrath of your dad? No thanks,” she answered.
“My dad doesn’t have any wrath, cross my heart,” Cassie promised.
“Not your dad, his.” Kate gestured to Peter.
“What?” Peter looked at her incredulously.
“What?” Kate asked.
“My dad…is dead.” Peter tilted his head, “I mean, unless you’re worried about ghosts, I think you’re good.”
“What?” Kate looked more confused than Peter felt.
“What?” Cassie was looking at Peter inquisitively.
“Who do you think my dad is?”
“...Tony Stark.” Kate’s voice was uncertain.
“What?” Peter looked at her incredulously.
“Is Tony Stark not your dad?” She asked.
“No?” Peter looked around, “Did you guys all seriously think Tony is my dad?” They all nodded. “I literally call him ‘Tony.’”
“I figured you just met him really late,” Kamala said.
“I’m not even from this universe and even I know about his reputation.” America shrugged.
“I— What?” Peter shook his head, “I’m going to ask you so many questions about that later.” He turned to face Cassie. “We’ve known each other for years, you’ve thought I was his kid this entire time.”
“Yeah, obviously.” She narrowed her eyes, “If you’re not his kid, then, who are you?”
“No one told you guys who I am?” They all shook their heads. Scott was walking by at that moment. “Mr. Lang!” Scott turned and raised his eyebrows, “Do you know who I am?”
“Of course!” He smiled, “You’re Peter, Tony’s kid.”
Peter put his head in his hands. What is going on? Peter stood up without another word and walked over to where Tony was sitting on the couch. Tony stopped talking when he arrived and raised his eyebrows expectantly. “You didn’t tell anyone who I am.”
“Do you or do you not have a secret identity?”
“I thought you would tell, like, the Avengers.” Peter gestured to the heroes surrounding them.
“I did tell the Avengers.”
“Scott Lang doesn’t know.”
Tony looked up for a moment, thinking. “Yeah, I guess I didn’t tell him. Slipped my mind.”
“Everyone thinks I’m your kid.” Tony snorted. “It’s not funny!”
“That’s definitely funny. Okay, run along, go tell your new friends your secret identity.” Tony waved his hand, “Or you can tell them you’re my illegitimate son, I don’t really care. Your inheritance is the same either way, just so you know. But we can go throw a ball around if you really want to sell it.”
“No, no, I don’t want to sell it.” Peter ran a hand through his hair, “Okay, I’m going. Identity reveal time.”
“Like father, like son.” Tony laughed, “I also couldn’t keep my identity a secret for more than five minutes.”
“Excuse me, I’m on five years now. Ten if you count the Blip.”
“The Blip obviously doesn’t count. It’s not hard to maintain a secret identity when you’re dead.”
Peter shrugged, glad that Tony had gotten to a point where he could make jokes about the Blip. “Maybe.” He turned and walked back to the kids’ table without another word. He returned to his seat and they all looked at him expectantly. “I’m Spider-Man.”
Kamala gasped, “Really? That’s so cool! Do the webs come out of your wrists?”
“Gross, no.”
“Why are you named after a spider?” America asked, “That’s disgusting.”
“I was bitten by a radioactive spider and now I have spider powers.”
She shuddered, “Do I even want to know what spider powers are?”
“I’m really strong. And sticky.” He stuck a fork to his hand to demonstrate.
“Weird.” Kate’s eyes were wide.
“I can’t believe you never told me you’re Spider-Man.” Cassie shoved him jokingly.
“I can’t believe you assumed the random teenager coming to Avengers parties was Tony Stark’s secret son.”
She shrugged, “Again, the reputation.”
“Okay.” Peter brought his attention back to Kate, “Now that you know I’m not a Stark, just a teen vigilante, will you sneak alcohol for me and Cassie.”
“Still no, sorry.” Kate grimaced, “I’m still pretty sure I would be facing Tony Stark’s wrath.”
Peter slumped back in his seat, “Lame.”
“Maybe you could climb on the ceiling and web some,” Cassie suggested. “Wait. Where do the webs even come from?”
“Web shooters.” Peter pulled his sleeves up and showed off the small contraptions around his wrists.
“That’s so cool!” Kamala exclaimed.
“I think your idea might work,” Peter said. “I wouldn’t have to go near it.”
“I feel like the AI is definitely smarter than that,” America said. “But it’s your funeral.”
“Yeah, I’m going to sit with the adults.” Kate stood up, walked over to the couch and sat next to Clint.
Peter and Cassie looked at each other and nodded, having a whole conversation without words. Peter began to stand up when he was interrupted by an exasperated voice behind him.
“Oh my god, this is getting ridiculous.” Yelena grabbed his arm and dragged him over to Tony, forcing him to sit down next to him.
“What—” Peter was interrupted by Yelena brandishing a shot glass.
“I am sick and tired of you Americans and your ridiculous drinking laws. Parker, drink that. All in one go.” She looked at him expectantly.
Tony raised his eyebrows but didn’t interrupt. All of the Avengers were watching him. He raised the glass warily, seeing if anyone would stop him. When no one did, he drank it. It was absolutely disgusting, burning his throat on the way down. “Oh my god,” he coughed. “What is that? Motor oil?”
Tony laughed, “Wow, you were actually telling the truth about not drinking.”
“That’s the only definitive proof that he’s not a blood relation,” Rhodey said, grinning.
“You’re not allowed to bring up MIT. I was a minor, the records are sealed.”
“I did not expect you to be so weak, Parker. I thought Spider-Man would be able to handle vodka, but I guess not.” Yelena shook her head, “I was drinking vodka when I was eleven to build up my tolerance.”
“That’s horrible.” Peter frowned.
“I don’t even know if that will do anything to you,” Steve said. “Your metabolism is faster than mine, and I can’t get drunk.” Peter’s eyes widened.
“That would actually be a really interesting experiment,” Bruce joined the conversation. “We could test that in the lab one day.”
“Totally, Dr. Banner.” The novelty of getting to work with the Bruce Banner would never wear off. The novelty of getting to work with Tony wore off very quickly.
“Right, well, if you don’t feel anything in ten minutes, you can have another shot, and then we’ll assume that you’re out of luck,” Tony said. “You’re being a bad influence on your fellow toddlers, by the way. Kamala, America, and Cassie are corruptible young children.”
“If anything, Cassie is corrupting me,” Peter grumbled.
“I can’t disagree with you there,” Scott said lightly. “You don’t want to know how many times I had to pick her up from jail.”
“I was protesting!” Cassie came over to sit next to her dad.
America and Kamala joined the larger group after Cassie. “I promise I’m not corruptible,” Kamala assured Tony. “But, if we can all agree not to tell my mom about this series of events, that would probably be best.”
“Oh, absolutely not. Mrs. Khan is scarier than Pepper.” Tony gave her a thumbs up, “I guess the kids’ table has disbanded. What is this, the children’s crusade? Are you guys going to start demanding a right to vote next? Equal pay?”
“I don’t get paid to be Spider-Man.”
“No, you’ll be working for free to pay off your suit for the next hundred years. Stop hacking it and maybe you can get it down to eighty.”
“You won’t even be alive in eighty years, old man.”
“I can survive anything if I have spite on my side.”
A few minutes later, Yelena handed him another shot. This one was just as disgusting as the first one, and he had not improved whatsoever at hiding his reaction.
“Why is he getting shots and not me?” Cassie asked.
“We all know that you’ve been drunk before, Cassie,” Scott said.
“I… didn’t know you knew about that.”
“I didn’t. Thanks for letting me know.” She frowned and Peter saw her mouth ‘damn it’ under her breath. Peter smiled.
“I really don’t feel drunk at all,” he said after a few minutes.
“Sing the alphabet backwards,” Tony suggested.
“I don’t think I would ever be able to do that.”
“Right, STEM. Walk in a straight line.” Peter stood up and did what he was told. “Well, it looks like you’re out of luck, kid. On the bright side, you could very easily become the keg stand champion of MIT.”
“Does that even happen at MIT?” Peter asked.
“Yes.” Rhodey and Tony said at the same time.
Peter laughed, “Is this one of the things you can’t talk about because the records are sealed?”
“I’ll tell you later,” Rhodey assured him.
“Being an Avenger is so lame,” Peter grumbled.
“I think being an Avenger is awesome!” Kamala interjected, a huge smile on her face. “I am so happy to be here. Unfortunately, I do have to go home.”
“I’ll make you a portal.” Doctor Strange stood up and walked over to Kamala. “America and I should probably get back to Kamar-Taj now, anyway.”
“Thank you so much,” Kamala was grinning. “I loved meeting everybody.”
Everyone said their goodbyes, and America, Kamala, and Doctor Strange left the party.
“We should probably head out, too.” Tony stood up, “I noticed that nobody ate the cupcakes Peter and I made, by the way. Those were from scratch, Peter decorated, we will not be going to all that effort again. Looking at you, Cap, you will not guilt trip me next time.”
“Oh my god, don’t tell people I decorated those.”
Tony and Peter said goodbye to everyone, they wished Peter good luck in his next semester of school, and then they were back in the car.
“You’re not going to tell your aunt that I let a Russian assassin give you shots, right?” Tony asked before starting the car.
“Of course not, she’d kill both of us.”
“I’m glad we’re on the same page there.” Tony still hadn’t started the car. He hesitated before he continued speaking. “I’m sorry if the son thing was…weird for you. I don’t want you to feel like I’m encouraging them and trying to…trying to replace your dad and uncle.”
“No! Not at all.”
“I do kind of consider you to be my kid, in a way. God, this is hard to talk about.” He ran a hand through his hair, “I really care about you, the same way I care about Morgan. I realized that during the Blip.”
“I think about you the same way! I mean— as a dad figure. I don’t consider you my kid. Obviously.” Peter felt heat rising to his cheeks.
“Good. Okay. I’m glad we’re on the same page.”
“Right.”
“I think that’s why I was so opposed to you drinking,” Tony admitted. “You know I’m a recovering alcoholic?” Peter nodded, “I was so worried about you becoming like me, I forgot that I had to let you grow up.”
Peter smiled, “I understand, Tony. I swear you don’t have to worry, I really haven’t been going to parties.”
“I also don’t want you to avoid parties just because you think I’ll be disappointed. You’re allowed to have fun.”
Peter nodded, “Maybe I’ll go to one this semester. Just one. I seriously am busy, I don’t know how you got through MIT while partying all the time.”
Tony started the car. “Well, to be fair, it was the Stone Age. They hadn’t discovered much science yet, there really wasn’t much that I had to learn.”