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He'd somehow made his way to a small cafe, because he knew he needed to eat and also knew he wasn't up to making himself food. Ordered on autopilot and set himself at a table outside. Thankfully it was a dry day, warm for November.
They had had plans for today. It was Sirius's birthday and the Marauders had always made it a point to do something spectacular to make up for all those horrible years with his blood family.
Remus started on the toast, managing to nibble it while willing himself to think of something else. He should have brought a book. Not that he'd have been able to read it right now.
A cat hopped up onto the chair next to him. Not the most commonplace thing, but enough local cats wandered around that it wasn't a surprise, either. The cat was quite large, possibly a Maine Coon, not that Remus could recognize breeds, with jet black fur that was pristinely groomed and fluffed out around his face like a mane. Probably owned by one of the older women who lived around, the cat had the haughty look of one that was used to being pampered.
Remus gave the cat a lopsided smile and considered his plate, trying to remember what cats liked to eat. Trying not to think about the lazy days when the war got too much for Sirius and they'd go out with him as Padfoot and Remus would spend the time letting the black dog steal bacon off his plate.
He settled for cutting a bit of sausage off, holding the fork out to the cat who eyed it, hissed, and cleaned its fur at Remus. Remus blinked at the cat for a moment. He hadn't been aware cats could clean themselves at a person so aggressively.
"Alright, then, I'll take the company all the same," he said with a hollow laugh, eating the piece of sausage now that it had been cut. Watching the cat seemed to be distraction enough, and he soon realized that he was absentmindedly working his way through the plate.
"Last chance, kit," Remus mused, slicing off a bit of the bacon and offering that to his impromptu table mate. The cat flicked its long tail disdainfully but sniffed and ate it. He dared a quick pet, running a hand over the cat's head. Instead of darting, the cat leaned into the touch. Remus smiled at it, finishing his eggs while offering the cat a few more pieces of bacon that were received in much the same way.
He was done and he stared at his plate with some level of surprise, he hadn't quite expected to be able to eat everything. Now he just had to keep it down, he thought with a grimace.
"That's me done, kitten, thank you for the company," he said quietly, scratching the cat behind the ears with a fond smile before pushing the chair back and walking away.
The cat followed, which he found out when he nearly tripped over the blasted thing winding its way around his leg. It really was a monster of a cat.
"I haven't got anymore food for you," he said blankly, making a shooing motion which the cat simply watched in amusement. He shook his head and walked on. The safe house he'd made for himself wasn't too far from the small, muggle town - set a ways into the woods. Hopefully the muggle repelling charms would work on cats.
They did not, and his newfound friend sat patiently waiting for him to unlock the front door a few moments later.
Remus frowned, "I probably shouldn't let you in."
The cat purred, a deep rumble, snaking its way in as soon as the door was open. It was able to fit through a considerably smaller space than Remus had imagined possible for a cat that size. Then, most of the bulk was long fur.
He closed and locked the door behind him, not that anyone could get in with the protections on it. He was his own secret keeper for the place. Something he couldn't think about right now. There was no one left to share the secret with, and he didn't understand why James hadn't-
Oh. Dammit. He should have realized. The goddamned cat had turned into a wizard, and by allowing him to travel with Remus all of his protections were now useless.
"Listen, mate, if you're going to kill me I'd appreciate if you just got on with it - I've never cared for villain monologues," he said heavily, just leaning his head against the door.
"From the looks of you, I imagine you'd welcome death," he pointed out with a soft laugh that Remus hadn't heard in well over three years. It wasn't unkind. Regulus had never been unkind to him. They'd managed to avoid each other in the war, until the news came.
Remus frowned and finally turned to face him, "Wait - aren't you dead?"
"I faked my death," he replied, his wand out. He was waving it with the grace and precision of a conductor, setting the kettle on and laying out the trappings of tea, "It's the only way to be safe."
"You turned on him," Remus said, raising an eyebrow.
Regulus nodded, "I discovered a great secret of his, and he'd have killed me if he could, been spending the last two years trying to find a way to use it to defeat him." He grimaced, "Not fast enough, I suppose."
"Why are you here? Why now? You've been dead for two years."
They stood in silence for a moment, the only sounds the bubbling of the water and the clink of mugs and spoons. Then Regulus brought his wand arm down.
"I wanted to spend today with someone who understood," Regulus said quietly.
Remus sagged against the wall for a moment, blinking away the tears that pricked his eyes. Then he walked over to the kitchen as the kettle began to whistle and poured the water into the cups.
He brought them over to the coffee table he had, returning for the sugar bowl and taking the milk out of the fridge. After laying it all out he sat down on his couch, second hand and discolored but comfortable, and patted for Regulus to sit as well.
"I never found out how you take your tea," he said quietly.
Regulus smiled sadly, placing a spoon of sugar and some milk in his cup.
"You aren't easy to track down, not that it was my only priority, it was only a few months ago I found you here," Regulus took a long sip of his tea and then laughed shakily, "I always saw you out with my brother."
"Oh," Remus said quietly, "Yeah, that's fair," he drank his own tea, holding the cup in his hands, shifting so their knees touched, "I missed you."
"I missed you, too," he sighed, "Somehow I thought that things would get better once he was defeated - but if the Ministry catches me I'll be thrown in prison, and if the death eaters catch me - they'd still kill me. I can't exist."
"I imagine you don't exist in the muggle world, being a pure blood and all," Remus said, "It's one thing I really appreciate my mam for - I'm all registered as a muggle so I can get a job through them without the werewolf stigma."
"I don't know how I could even get a muggle birth certificate," he said with a soft laugh, "It would kill mother if she ever found out."
"I guess we can look into it, if you like."
"No, I don't think that's for me - I still have my own mission."
"You'll be heading off again, after today?"
Regulus looked down at his cup and bit his lip for a moment, "I can," he said carefully, "Although… it would be nice to have a base of operations where I can be myself, so to speak, I've spent most of my time as a cat - charming old muggle ladies into food and shelter."
"It… it would be nice not to be alone," Remus said quietly, looking at his own cup. A hand squeezed his knee and he looked over to return Regulus's smile.
It was strange, sitting here with the other man. Their friendship had always been tense. For a few years they had gotten away with spending time together studying in the library, then as they got old enough for the war to start affecting them they couldn't be seen getting along, stealing private moments. By the time they were 16, they'd fully aligned to opposite sides.
Now the war was over. Remus's friends were dead or imprisoned. Everyone believed Regulus was dead. They were in his heavily warded house and there was no one left to care if they existed together.
Remus ran a hand through his hair, placing the mug down, "Er, this, it's not a complaint , but your showing up is giving me some false hope for James and Lily and I'm not sure how to handle it."
"I'm sorry," Regulus said gently, placing a hand on Remus's cheek, "I didn't love them - but I know you did - I wish they'd survived."
"Thanks," Remus said, for lack of a better response, he found himself leaning into the hand that was still cupping his face, "The touch is new."
"Oh!" Regulus said, pulling his hand away with a nervous laugh, "All the time as a cat, I've gotten used to affection, I can sto-"
He was cut off by Remus sagging into him, wrapping his arms around him and leaning his head on Regulus's shoulder. He froze for a moment before wrapping his arms around the larger man, one hand settling in the short, sandy curls and the other on his back. Then the tears came, slow and quiet with just a few small whimpers but it wasn't long until both of them were fully sobbing, tears flowing and grief and rage at everything the war had stolen from them coming out in barely human wails.
After what felt like an eternity of grief, they were both empty. Wrung out and hollow.
"Sorry," Remus sighed, casting a cleaning spell between them and pulling away.
"You've nothing to be sorry for," Regulus said, lightly scolding, "It was as much me as you."
"Mm," he hummed, glancing out the window and staring into the forest beyond, "It's okay if you don't want to talk about him - but I just… it doesn't make sense. How could Sirius have betrayed James? "
"I doubt he did," Regulus replied, straightening his sleeves, "Pettigrew was the spy."
Remus jerked his head, staring at Regulus with wide eyes.
"Even before I had to fake my death," he continued with a shrug, "He had joined Voldemort's side and reported on the Order. Clever bastard - always gave just enough information to be considered useful but not so much his position with Dumbledore was compromised. Insisted he wasn't important enough to know more, but I always had my suspicions."
"Then… they changed secret keepers…" Remus said slowly, rubbing a hand over his face, "but didn't tell me…" he buried his head in his hands, "They thought I was the spy. Sirius… James… Lily... they honestly believed…"
Regulus placed a hand on his shoulder, "I don't know if it helps, but Pettigrew had been working on that for years. Whispering in their ears, bragged about how he was helping to tear the Order apart from the inside."
Remus laughed darkly, "It explains so much, I feel like an idiot for not realizing sooner," he looked over at Regulus, "You could have told me."
He tilted his head, "What would that have done? Who would have believed me?"
"I would have."
"And then you'd confirm your alliance with a death eater while setting yourself against someone who had carefully covered his tracks," he pointed out gently, "We'd both have been at risk, and nothing would have changed."
"Dammit," Remus growled, hating that this was the truth. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before letting out a long breath, "Then Sirius is probably innocent… Pettigrew must have faked his death… Shouldn't we do something? Try to get him out?"
"A dead death eater and a werewolf? Convince the ministry they're wrong? How?"
"I… I guess I could tell Dumbledore about Peter being an animagus, at least?" he leaned back into the couch and closed his eyes, "Is… is it terrible that I don't want to risk being on his radar again? He may just be furious at the deception, even if Peter is an animagus - that alone proves nothing about Sirius."
"Do you think Peter would come after you?" Regulus asked.
"I don't think I ever meant much to him," he said flatly then looked over at Regulus, "What did you hear from the Death Eaters? Am I wrong?"
"He called you the 'pet werewolf', I doubt many of them even know your name," he replied with a bitter laugh, "Death Eaters aren't known for putting any regard in dark creatures."
"I didn't know I could be so relieved and so insulted at the same time."
"At least you can walk through Diagon Alley without inciting a riot," Regulus pointed out coolly, "My parents saw to it that everyone in our world can recognize me and Sirius."
"Yeah, that sucks," Remus agreed, "Need anything from there, if that's what you're hinting at?"
"I do not hint. If I want something, I'll ask for it," he said haughtily.
"Good, I'm terrible at picking up hints."
"That was the gossip at school," he chuckled softly, turning louder when Remus gave him a perplexed look. "Just tales of how utterly oblivious you were when people tried to flirt with you."
"I didn't realize anyone tried," he mused, then huffed a laugh, "Which is your point, I suppose, I just wasn't interested."
"Neither was I, which made the last few years exceedingly tedious."
"Ever try with anyone?"
"A few times, yes, it was not worth my time."
Remus snorted, "Yeah, that's what I figured would happen."
Regulus grinned slyly, "One of the infamous Marauders of Gryffindor Tower - a virgin at 21? The scandal ."
"For awhile, I think I started to get interested in Sirius - but it was weird, and it didn't seem like what everyone else was talking about. Before I could figure it out, there was that fucking "prank" and then I had the Order and missions and by the time I started figuring it out again, Sirius was somehow getting distant… while keeping an annoying close eye on me," he pursed his lips, "Now I know why."
"Considering how much my brother pined for you, I imagine he'd be raging to know he missed out on being your experimental phase," Regulus said quietly, lips pressed into a tight line.
"Believe it or not, I never noticed that - and I imagine right now the dementors are his bigger concern," he stood up and stretched, clearing the coffee table off, "I feel like a horrible friend - but he wouldn't be there if he'd just trusted me. Didn't even trust me after he found out Peter was the spy, if he'd asked for my help, well he wouldn't have gotten his stupid ass framed…" he was growling at the end, aggressively washing the mugs and spoons.
Regulus had turned on the couch and was watching him with amusement, "I never understood wizards who did things the muggle way before - that does look somewhat cathartic."
Remus just made an irritated noise in his throat, drying his hands on a tea towel and leaning against the counter.
After the drying continued for a full minute, Regulus decided to leave him to his thoughts. He turned around and looked at the bookshelves along the walls. Absolutely stuffed with books, both muggle and magical. He walked over and ran a hand over the titles. None of the books Remus had given him over the years had survived his travels, not that he could say he made them a priority. He found Frankenstein and gently pulled it out, feeling in the mood for the folly of a man's life and love ruined by his own hubris. It was an aged and yellowed copy, and he settled down on the couch with it.
On a whim, he started reading aloud. It had the desired effect and Remus quietly slunk over, curling himself into the other end of the couch. Without pausing in his reading, he managed to coax Remus over so the man had his head resting in his lap.
Remus had done this for him a few times, in school, when his brother's cold shoulder had finally gotten to him. He couldn't risk admitting to anyone in Slytherin how much he missed his blood traitor of a brother, and somehow he'd found Sirius's new best friend to be the outlet he'd desperately needed. Remus never seemed to judge, never gave advice without being asked, and had an air of melancholy that made Regulus think he might, on some level, understand.
The first book Remus had read to him had been The Secret Garden, and that night Regulus had sobbed and raged behind silencing charms at how unfair it was that there was no garden, no escape for him, no loving brother figure anymore and no magic way to make his parents be kind and loving. The next day he borrowed the book and read it incessantly for the next month.
They had both lost so much, but Regulus had mourned it all long ago. Remus's loss was a fresh wound, and for once he was in a position to provide comfort.