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Knives was no stranger to dreams.
Granted, he did not have them often.
When he did, his favorites were filled with tender touches, large spaces of greenery, and his human's smile. Slowly being pulled to the waking world by Legato's loving worships and soft hands. Those mornings, he was peppered by soft lips, and surrounded by warm strong arms. It was always a lazy start where the suns took their time rising so the two could enjoy simply being close together. The two would ignore the pressing matters of the day, urging the clock to slow down a bit more so they could lounge in the plethora of pillows and blankets Knives kept on the bed. Happy to drown in each other's limbs with every stolen moment of the early day.
Very rarely did he dream of fire. Of sirens blaring, the ships crashing, and his brother's betrayal. He never liked those dreams. Always waking up angry at too many things but no way to work through it besides sulk all day by himself. He would refuse to explain what had caused his sudden bad mood. Always adamant that nothing was really wrong and that he was fine. Legato, who was well versed in uncomfortable dreams that could send whole days into spirals, would try to help him through those mornings the best he could. There was no need for words of solidarity, or pushy questions for what was really wrong as the two laid next to each other under one of the many trees in the Biodome. The human would instead offer small comforts. Space when it was clear the other needed it, kind words to distract the mind when it was clear the blonde was getting lost in distant thoughts, or a warm body to be next to so Knives knew he wasn't alone. Legato would flip through odds and ends paperwork in the shade, Knives often finding something to pick at in the grass or some old subject that had been lost to time. It didn't always work, but sometimes, it helped.
This night was different.
There wasn't a particular thing Knives could point at that happened during the day that caused the sudden change. The day hadn't been stressful, at least not more stressful than it normally was. Hell, he was able to spend the evening with Legato for the first time in quite a while, and they even managed to crawl into bed at the roughly same time. Knives had fluffed the pillows and nestled down into the tangle of limbs that was waiting for him. Wonderfully warm arms pulled him close and kept the shared space heated as the plant quickly found his way to unconsciousness. That's where his peace had ended.
A blinding white light caused his eyes to strain. The room was blank. There wasn't any furniture, no door that led elsewhere, just an alabaster void. Turning quickly as an uneasy feeling started to rise, he searched for a way out. It didn't feel like he was alone, but he couldn't place where he was being watched from. His breathing was coming much quicker then he realized, running one of the endless directions. With a grunt of surprise, he slammed into what he assumed was a wall.
Stumbling backwards, a hiss of pain caught in his throat as he stared wide eyed as the slim form twisted and caught him before he fell. He didn't run into a wall, or a door, or anything else he wished it would've been.
It was her.
Over a century had passed since he had seen that white and gray uniform. He found himself unable to remember the last time those slender hands held his, but he could never forget the woman standing in front of him. No matter how hard he tried, she would always be there.
This wasn't a dream.
This was a nightmare .
Knives snatched his hands away from her as if he'd been burned. Backing away from his mother– the woman . He was stepping away to put space between him and her so he could figure out what was happening. Panic rose in his throat, making his chest feel far too tight.
He knew this was a dream– it had to be a dream. She had died. There was no way she could be standing in front of him. She had perished when the ships fell. When she had decided to stay behind and leave Vash and him alone on this damn planet.
Knives had never dreamt something like this. He wasn't sure what to do to wake himself up. It was getting harder to breathe, even in the vastness of the room. He stared at her, his hands shaking as he fought with himself if he should reach out or not.
"Nai…?" The gentle voice snapped him out of his mental spiral. "Is that you?" Her voice was so soft, almost as if she was as scared as he felt.
Knives met her gaze, trying his hardest to turn his fear into anger. He should be mad at her. He had offered for her to come with them. Knives wanted her too. All these years he had tried to convince himself that it was because Vash loved her, and that's why he had wanted her so desperately to join them in that escape pod, just so he could keep Vash happy. Knives had lied to himself. Now that he was faced with her again, he couldn't keep it up.
" You- It's always been you…" he paused to control his breathing, struggling between terror and rage. " Rem Saverem …" Knives tried to spit out her name with as much venom as he could. "If only you hadn't been in our lives-If you've not existed at all-" His words fell flat as she smiled at him.
"You've grown so big Nai," Rem's eyes squinted as she looked up at him, her smile almost as bright as the room. "Have you been good without me? Oh-Look! You're even taller than me now! You must've been eating well to grow this tall, good!" Knives found himself leaning forward as she compared how small he used to be.
His anger dwindled as she talked. Taken aback at how small she was after she pointed out how tall he had gotten. Rem reached out, her smile never faltering as her hands were dwarfed by his.
"And these hands!" Her thumbs smoothed over the back of his knuckles, marveling at the smooth skin. "They used to be so small…!" Knives caught the sadness in her voice, "both of my hands aren't big enough to hold them now…" She hummed softly, squeezing his hands as he tried to find the words to comfort her.
Knives wasn't sure what he would even say to her to make her feel better, so he shut up. Returning the squeeze in hopes she'd find some sort of comfort from the action.
"I'm glad," her eyes betrayed her real emotion, sorrow filling them just as quickly as she tried to blink away tears. "Really! I'm so glad." Her hands moved to hold Knives' face, causing him to gasp in shock. Her hands were so warm . "How is Vash? Are you still protecting him well?"
Knives felt his chest heave at the question. He felt so small, so exposed. His own hands shaking as he reached out and held her back. Wrapping his arms around her waist, an unexpected sob ripped through him.
"Oh-" Rem gave a tender smile as she looked down at the much smaller Knives. His dream form returned to the last time she had seen him. So small and young, his hair a bit longer and cut at an angle right at his cheek bone. Her hand resting on his back as she petted his hair soothingly. "What happened Nai…? It's not often you do this." She hushed him as he cried against her.
"I–I had–" the blonde stuttered as he clung to her. Knives was suddenly confronted with how much he had missed her. How beside himself he had been at losing her. "I had a dream…" Rem, his mother, kissed the top of his head as he struggled to catch his breath.
He buried his head in her clothes, grasping at the loose fabric on her back as he attempted to hold her closer. Trying to memorize the feeling of her warmth, of her arms wrapped around him, of her reassuring voice.
"Rem–" Another sob slipped through as he felt his legs weaken, his walls finally crumbling as she held him back. "I'm sorry Rem! I didn't want you to stay behind, I miss you so much! I lost Vash–He wouldn't listen to me! I couldn't keep him safe and-" he was cut off as Rem quietly shushed him. Holding him closely as he cried.
"Oh Nai…it wasn't your fault," Rem started to go cold, "I don't blame you for any of it. I was the one who broke your trust. I did all those awful things, I didn't stop them. I never wanted to hurt you two." Her voice sounded so far away. Knives tried to will her to stay. "I love you Nai," A phantom kiss pressed against his head as the arms around him vanished.
Knives snapped his head up, finding that he was the only one in the desolate space. Collapsing to his knees without the support of his mother, his hands covered his mouth as he tried to stop from crying out. A broken wail tore through his chest, as he curled in on himself.
He was alone.
Again .
"N-No!! Rem, wait!-" Knives shot up in bed, screaming into the dark space of his room. It quickly became difficult to fill his lungs even in the empty room. His nails dug into his chest as he gaped like a fish, his mind panicking with the lack of oxygen.
"Knives?!" Legato had jerked awake beside him. The human scrambled to turn on the bedside light, bathing them in soft glow. "Knives! Breath! You're okay, it was just a dream!" The human pulled him close, wrapping heated arms around the plant's freezing form as he tried to soothe him.
Knives whimpered in Legato's arms. His whole body was quaking as he searched for Rem, for any trace of her in the large room. Bit by bit, his racing mind calmed down. She wasn't in the room. It was just a dream. Nothing more. Choking back the last of the tears that threatened to further stain his cheeks. He held onto Legato, burying his face in the crook of his human's neck as the last few tremors left his body.
"Hey…" Legato pulled away a bit, holding Knives' tightly as he got a good look at his distressed face. "Knives…are you okay?" The blue haired human rubbed at a stream of tears, kissing his cheek as they were brushed away.
Knives took a shuddered breath. Keeping his eyes down as his human rubbed at his shoulder. "I'm…I'm fine." He slowly laid back down, bringing a worried Legato with him.
"It was just a nightmare."