Work Text:
Julius was a child. The kingdom was in ruins. And no one had the faintest idea of what had happened.
No one but William.
It wasn’t until long that William realized that he was the only one who remembered. He was standing in one of the few rooms at the Magic Knights Headquarters with the Wizard King and his fellow captains and William and it all felt like a haze. The captains were confused: the ones who had been possessed were desperately quiet as their bodies and minds were still adjusting to the loss of something (what?) and the ones who hadn’t been possessed were coming up with theories that made little sense. William was as confused as them because he could remember perfectly what was only a blur for them. All the captains had the end result in front of their eyes: massive destruction and an entire country’s memory being wiped out. Marx said he might have done something; there was no other explanation; but he couldn’t remember and claimed he shouldn’t be able to influence an entire country’s memories; it would require too much skill and a lot of mana. William thought that with elven magic, he could have. And maybe that was what happened.
William kept quiet.
William didn’t know if it was because it was his magic that allowed the elven souls to depart, or if some supreme god had decided that he needed to bear that burden alone until his last breath, but William recalled that dreadful night perfectly: how he lured his Wizard King who trusted him blindly, how he let Patri take his place, how he chose the chaos and destruction of a Kingdom he had pledged on his grimoire to protect with his life, and he remembered Julius as he fell, Yami as he roared. He remembered the pool of blood, the feather of his masks, and the sunset light flooding down on Julius, painting him golden; the shiver as the night and darkness took over.
William remembers thinking I’ve come too far to take another breath in this man’s presence and he remembers Julius giving him his forgiveness; one William didn’t deserve.
No one knew about any of this but William didn’t care much about why he was now standing alone with the truth; he cared more about the implications. He cared about what he had lost and he cared about that guilt holding him down, forcing the words back in every time he took a courageous breath to admit his faults. He resigned himself to his fate and kept quiet. He couldn’t say a thing. How could he? I’m responsible. I chose this. Who would believe that elves had been sharing bodies with so many Magic Knights? Captains? Doctors and Advisors? The very people who had vowed to protect the kingdom had turned against its citizens. It was better if no one knew. William knew that it was the best course of action, not because of how falsely free he was, but because it was what the kingdom needed.
William was trying very hard to convince himself that it was better if no one knew. But there was one person he wished shared his memories.
“Hey! It’s William!”
William couldn’t help but smile softly at the little elven girl. He thought it could never get old, how pretty the light in Elysia was, how vibrant and colorful the plants were, how clear the air was.
How picture perfect this scene was.
William felt a hole in his chest as he saw Patri. Patri. His confidant, his lifeline, his other half and the only person who ever understood him, the one William gave up everything for. The beautiful reason for this insanity.
“Sir Vengeance.”
And the man who didn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t remember him.
“Please,” William said in a heavy chuckle. “Call me William.”
Patri nodded, “William.”
“Shall we?” William asked with a thin smile.
It took William a few months to finally get around to go visit Patri in Elysia. William had hope when Patri’s eyes widened a little upon first seeing him; that hope was crushed soon. William had to explain at first; the elves were wary and they had all the rights to be. William said that Patri was an old friend, which wasn’t untrue, and that he only wanted to talk to him, which wasn’t untrue either. While the other elves couldn’t understand why Patri accepted, William suspected (or more: he hoped) that deep down, Patri knew about their bond. Maybe he could still feel it, like how one could still feel the warmth from a fire that was long put out.
After a few weeks of William visiting regularly, Patri started manifesting some interest in the Clover Kingdom that William would talk so much about, so William took him there. Despite having his memories wiped out, the elf was still inexplicably drawn to that kingdom. Patri didn’t know why. William, again, hoped. And so, every time he would visit, William would take him to Clover and show him around. Again. And again. And again. Patiently. In hope of a miracle that William knew too well wouldn’t come.
“Reparations are going well,” William explained as they walked around a town that had suffered from the attack.
Patri smiled softly, taking in the view, the desolation and rubbles lying all around and William knew exactly what he was thinking: this, because of me? and it was taking everything in William not to scream no, because of me.
William didn’t know how to tell Patri that it wasn’t his fault. By lack of proof, Julius simply decided to pin everything on the Eye of the Midnight Sun. Patri, not remembering his link to William, was convinced that he was the leader of this organization. Fana, Vetto and Raia thought that too. None of them seemed able to explain why they had attacked the Clover Kingdom or why they roamed free. Patri suffered from that amnesia the most. He was confused, guilty too, but there was something more with him. A yearning. He often said that he felt like there was something in the Clover Kingdom that he needed to find, something he had to accomplish. One day, he mentioned that there was someone there, and William had hope, until Patri frowned and shook his head, saying that he wasn’t sure and that it was nothing, a futile impression.
William kept quiet. William accepted it. He didn’t deserve his happy ending anyway.
Patri once asked if there could be some punishment for himself, that he would take it and William, at a loss, focused on making sure Patri knew that, deep down, he was a kind soul.
Sometimes, William wondered how it would be if everyone knew, if they knew about William’s betrayal, if they knew about Patri, Licht, if they knew about all the anger and resentment, all the fears and the guilt, about the impossible decision William had to make. If Julius knew, would he turn his back on William? Would he take back all the trust he had put in William? To protect the country? To make the best magic knights squad in the kingdom? To fight, to make his way to the top, to prove everyone wrong? And would Langris, Alecdora, Letoile, Klaus, Yuno, Hamon, Mimosa, every single one of his squad members still look at William the same? Would they understand? Or would they smile politely but never, ever trust him again?
“Most of the noble realm is now fixed…” William said casually. “Some areas in the common realm are still in dire need of help, but we are getting there quickly.”
William talked a lot, too much maybe for someone who is usually so very quiet, but there was something within him that longed for noise. He felt so empty since Patri left, there was something lacking, not a voice, not a soul; a presence. That feeling of having someone with him, always, no matter what.
Despite being right here with him, Patri felt so far away sometimes. William gave Patri’s hand a light squeeze.
Not a day went by without William wondering what he would prefer: sharing his body with Patri, not being able to touch him but having access to his thoughts, his words and his soul, or the warm contact of Patri’s hand as they walked around the kingdom, hearing his kind voice but without him knowing who William was; an empty shell, but one that William had always longed to have by his side and not within him, buried deep within his soul, their beings intertwined. Deep down, and even if he tried to convince himself of the contrary because it could not, would never be otherwise, William knew what he wanted. He missed the feeling of being one. Being two felt so desperately lonely, and complicated. Sharing a body was easy. Conversing with a soul was so so easy. The warmth in his hand didn’t compare with the warmth he felt at knowing he wasn’t alone.
“Thank you for today,” Patri said.
This wasn’t the first time William and Patri walked around the kingdom. This wasn’t the first time William took Patri’s hand. This wasn’t the first time William’s heart ached as he realized that Patri could never, ever get access to that feeling of fullness. But William still felt something break every time Patri politely thanked William for his time. It always sounded like an apology, because of course it did. I’m sorry for doing this had slowly morphed into I’m sorry for not remembering. William wished Patri would stop apologizing all together. William wished Patri would have no need to apologize at all.
For Patri, everything would always be uncertain, incomplete and tasteless. He would always miss what used to be William’s only light and nothing could be done about it.
William often wondered if he would ever trust Patri enough to tell him the whole truth and risk losing him again. William often wondered if he would ever not keep quiet, if he would ever open up and pour out the whole truth.
It used to be so simple.
It used to be so natural.
But William all but lost Patri.
“Can we go back?” Patri said.
William forced a smile. I can never go back.
“Yes.”