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Pressing that button had been one of the most difficult things Harvey Specter had ever done, yet he ignored the way his heart seemed to drop as Donna looked him straight in the eyes before getting onto the elevator. She disappeared behind stainless steel doors and Harvey realized he’d been holding his breath. He took a moment to exhale slowly before turning and finding two pairs of eyes on him. To Harvey it looked as if Rachel and Mike were doing their best impression of stricken puppies, and he felt a rise in himself that was equal parts affection and irritation.
The moment Rachel realized he’d spotted her, she made a quick getaway. Mike, though, stared him down and Harvey couldn’t help but feel a bit of pride underneath the new wave of emotions that stare unleashed. In better times he may have tried to read his associate’s expression, tried to decipher what was going on behind those brilliant blue eyes. Tonight though, he couldn’t be bothered and instead walked on.
It didn’t surprise him one bit that Mike was on his heels moments after he’d passed by.
They were silent until they stepped into Harvey’s office.
“Harvey, you have to-”
“I don’t want to hear it right now, Mike.” Harvey cut in with a wave of his hand as he crossed over to the windows, staring out at the city.
“I don’t care if you don’t want to hear it.” Mike bit out. Harvey could see his scowl reflected in the window. “She’s your friend. Hell, she’s my friend. She’s friends with just about everyone here. How could you just let her walk out like that?”
“It’s out of my hands.” Harvey replied with a shrug, fingers itching to be wrapped around a tumbler of Bourbon.
“You don’t really believe that. Harvey,” the way Mike said his name made him grimace, “you can fix this. You always fix things. Why can’t you fix this too?”
Harvey continued to stare out the window intensely, lips curving into a frown. Since when did he become the knight in shining armor in all of this? When did it become his responsibility to fix other people’s damn mistakes? Donna had dug her own grave. She’d committed a crime. She’d betrayed him, betrayed the firm, and got herself rightfully fired. Yet no matter how many times he told himself those things, repeating them like a mantra, the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach refused to dissipate.
“I’m not a superhero Mike. I can’t wave my magic wand and make everything go away.” He hated how much his voice betrayed him; how tired he felt at the end of this complete shit-storm of a day. Harvey heard Mike’s footsteps as his associate approached him and he tensed up. He swallowed as he felt warm hands begin rubbing at his shoulders and he felt torn between breaking down in tears and pushing Mike away.
“Harvey.” Mike’s mouth was right next to his ear and he couldn’t help but wonder how they’d gotten to this point. How Mike could read him like a book and knew when to poke and when to back off.
“Not here, Mike.” Harvey stated softly, though he tilted his head just enough to brush his lips ever so slightly against his associate’s cheekbone. Just like that the warmth was gone and there was distance between them.
Somewhere between proofing briefs, Mike following him around to court dates, late nights buried in take-out boxes and files, he’d fallen into something with his associate. It had started with glances, mostly from Mike. He’d seen the way the young man’s gaze would linger on him, the way Mike’s eyes would go distant for a moment. Harvey had seen those looks from women enough in his life to know what they meant.
Then one frustrating night he’d grown so tired of the looks, of the excuses to stay close to him, of Mike falling asleep with his cheek nuzzled against his shoulder, that he’d taken action. When they were heading downstairs to call it a night he’d followed Mike to his bike, pinned him to the wall, and kissed him. It was with that heated make-out session that their strange relationship had begun and apparently had progressed to shoulder rubs in the office.
“We screwed up, Mike. I screwed up.” Harvey finally said after a long stretch of silence.
“Yeah, you did.” Those three words got Harvey’s defenses up as he turned on his associate.
“I didn’t ask her to shred that document. I didn’t ask her to commit a crime. I didn’t ask her to cover anything up. She should have told me, Mike. You should have told me. If you people didn’t feel the need to keep so many god damned secrets from me, as if I need to be protected, then maybe we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place. You should have come to me the moment you knew about that file. She should have come to me. No more bullshit, no more secrets. Why the hell does everyone who works under me seem to think I’m some delicate doll that needs to be guarded and protected? I’m a lawyer, god damnit. I’m a big boy and don’t need everyone to cover for my mistakes.” Harvey was scowling and felt the flush on his cheeks. He took a deep breath and looked back toward the windows, out at the city.
“Maybe, Harvey,” Mike began, his voice controlled though Harvey could hear the tension lying just beneath every word, “if you were an easier pill to swallow, people wouldn’t feel the need to build up their defenses whenever a screw-up was imminent.”
Harvey wanted to speak, wanted to retort, but just flexed his fingers as he tried to diffuse the tension he felt curling through his body.
“But if you were an easier pill to swallow, then I don’t think we’d like you so damn much.” Harvey could hear the smile in Mike’s voice and some of the tension eased from his shoulders. “I should have told you, Harvey. I said that already. I screwed up, too. I think we all did. The question is how are we going to fix it?”
‘We’ was the word Mike had used and for some reason that clicked with something in Harvey’s mind. ‘We’ meant he wasn’t alone in this. ‘We’ meant that Mike was in this just as much as he was. ‘We’ meant there was hope, because when the best damn closer in New York and his genius associate worked as a team they got things done.
“I don’t know.” Harvey answered honestly, finally turning back to look at Mike.
“Yet.” he replied.
“What?” Harvey’s eyebrows creased slightly.
“You don’t know, yet.” Mike had that stupid little smile on his face that Harvey so badly wanted to kiss.
Harvey didn’t feel the need to argue.