Archive of Our Own ^beta

After living with Minho for about nine months now, Chan can comfortably say that they really work as roommates. And nine months sounds like a decent amount of time to make such decisions, doesn't it? It's the same amount of time it takes for a human baby to develop. It's the same amount of time as a whole school year in which people often change entirely.

So yeah, they work, and they work well.

Minho tends to make dinner a lot because he's really good at it and also enjoys it as well, but whenever he's home late from dance practice or volunteering at the shelter, Chan makes sure to return the favour. After a long day of working, Minho's face always lights up at the sight of food on the table and Chan sitting on the other side working on something.

"Hung out with Bin and Sung?" He will ask, and Chan will smile and nod, go off on a spiel about the new tracks they put together or the latest changes they made to an old favourite. At this point, Minho knows all of their tracks by heart anyway, has even danced to a few of them throughout this final year at school, showing off a different style of dancing with each one.

He's gotten some of his best grades this year - deserved, of course - and Chan has never been prouder. Minho himself seems quite proud, too, always smiling widely after every performance and finding Chan in the crowd to come hug him - the only time he doesn't shun Chan's affection like he can't imagine anything worse.

Ah, but that's part of his charm, and Chan is long used to the joy of having Minho make a face and go limp in his arms whenever he tries to get a cuddle in. And yet, at times when he really needs it and desperately seeks some affection, he always finds that no amount of limpness makes Minho push him away or abandon him on his own.

Because Minho is a good friend, no matter what they say. He's caring and perceptive, and he pays attention to little things that Chan didn't even know he wanted attention paid to until it was given to him.

Of course they were friends before they moved in together. Similar enough in age that when they met at some party or the other, they spent a while talking, then another while dancing. Chan had asked for Minho's number and was given it easily, for he always likes making new friends. And then he'd invited Minho to his next friend group hangout. It quickly turned out that Felix and Hyunjin knew him from their dance classes though he was their senior, and Seungmin had met him at the shelter where they both volunteered. Jisung was enamoured from the very first moment, and Changbin all too happy to have another hyung.

Then Minho had met Jeongin, their most elusive friend who was notorious for not liking people easily, and had immediately caught on to all Jeongin's icks, making sure to avoid every single one of them. Within the span of two meetings, their dynamic had quickly grown to that of actual brothers, with Minho often poking fun at the youngest but at the same time offering him clear support and comfort.

So Minho fits in their friend group well, great even, and everyone likes him despite his tendency to act like he doesn't care about any of them but Jisung. Chan is happy even now to have made such a great new friend, really.

Then came the end of their second year and them moving on to their final one. Months of struggles with his roommate had made Minho want to get his own place so he would no longer have to deal with something like that. He'd thought about it on and off for a few weeks, asking Chan's opinion several times, and in the end he'd decided to do it.

Except he needed a roommate to help cover the rent of any decent place near their university. Most of their other friends were either rooming together, actually liked their roommates or had no money to spare, and so naturally Minho had asked Chan about this as well.

So now here they are, nearly at the end of the last year of university and their living arrangement, their diplomas within grasp, and a better understanding of who they both are as people. Chan has definitely loved getting this time to get to know Minho better, and he can only hope Minho has enjoyed it as well.

He thinks, though, that now that Jisung has finally managed to clear his father's debts from his name and will have a much more sizeable monthly income, Minho will most likely opt to live with him instead. They get along like a house on fire, the two of them, and it seems like a logical decision. Maybe Chan will ask Changbin if he wants to move in together instead - splitting costs sure is the smart way to go, after all. He doesn’t know if he’ll enjoy living with Changbin as much as he enjoys living with Minho, though.

Maybe-

Chan's wandering thoughts are interrupted by a happily smiling face coming into view. His gaze focuses on the lifted hand that waves at him and then he's looking at the girl's face again. Hyerim, if he remembers correctly, who's in one of his classes. A nice girl. He talked to her a few times when they ended up sitting next to each other and can remember they were often laughing throughout, whenever a break in the teacher’s lesson allowed it.

“Chan oppa!” Her voice is as bright as ever and he can’t help but immediately reward her happiness with equal enthusiasm, returning her smile and lifting his own free hand in a little wave.

“Hyerim,” he returns the greeting, warm and easy. “I didn’t know you were here as well! Are you enjoying the party?” He glances around briefly to make sure the party is still actually ongoing despite the music being clear proof and then looks at his classmate with a warm smile.

"Yes, it's pretty good, actually!" Hyerim chimes, her voice bright as ever as she leans in a little more to be better understood by him. "I was wondering if you'd like to dance?"

Well, he hasn't been doing that yet this evening, and he thinks he likes Hyerim fine, so he turns partly to put his glass on the nearest surface. "Sure," he tells her as he turns back, and offers her his arm which she gladly takes.

Dancing with Hyerim is fun, she pulls out a few impressive moves but mostly makes him laugh a lot. It's easy to let loose a little then, and to just enjoy their dancing for a while. It's only after several songs have passed that they eventually return to his earlier spot near the bar, ordering some new drinks before they move to the side of the room.

"Thanks, oppa," Hyerim says brightly, though when he smiles at her, Chan thinks she looks surprisingly timid. Which is explained moments later when she reaches out to touch his wrist, causing him to lean in slightly so he can hear her better. "Would you want to go out with me sometime?" She asks him, loud enough for him to hear, but only him. "Like on a date?"

He lifts his head and looks at her face in surprise, certain he must have misunderstood, yet her expression is hopeful though clearly bracing for a possible rejection.

"Oh," is the first thing out of his mouth, because he'd absolutely not been thinking about that before, and now it's all he can think about. "I- Oh. Um… I'm- Wow. You caught me by surprise, clearly." He laughs, embarrassed by his own jumbled up emotions. "I- We could try. I'm- Could you ask me again when I'm fully sober, though, I don't know if I'm going to remember this in the morning, honestly. I'm a pretty bad lightweight when it comes to alcohol and I forget easily."

She luckily takes his words in stride, laughing good naturedly and nodding her head. "Alright, oppa!" She says and he smiles at her brightly all over again before looking down at his drink. He luckily got something non-alcoholic this time, which he sips from casually as they continue talking a bit more. When she leaves to go join her friends again, however, Chan thinks he's had enough for the night.

He texts Minho to let him know he's going home, waits the appropriate five minutes for a reply and then leaves when none is forthcoming. Minho is probably dancing, he knows that, but he also knows his roommate won't begrudge him the early night. Minho's the first person to nag him for not getting enough sleep, anyway, so he'll be happy to find Chan asleep in his bed when he comes home.

He has that thought twice more before he's crawling into bed, all washed up, teeth brushed and everything. He even remembered to put on some moisturiser. Once he settles down, sleep takes him not long after.

He wakes to the smell of coffee and food the next morning, rubbing a hand over his face and groaning a little before reaching over to the bedside table and grabbing his phone. There's a few notifications that he goes through quietly, frowning at a particular message from Hyerim and then dragging himself out of bed with a groan, deciding not to deal with that on an empty stomach.

Minho looks up from his breakfast when he enters the kitchen and shows him a smile. "I got you some juice," he says, like it's no big deal, and then nudges a glass over that Chan realises holds freshly squeezed juice after the first sip.

"Thanks," he says when he puts it down again, and then takes a seat of his own as well.

"Had fun at the party?" Minho asks him, to which he nods. Moments later, Minho's bare feet settle on his shins to steal his body warmth the way he always does.

"Mhm," he affirms, unaffected by the sudden coldness. Minho's feet and hands are often cold -bad circulation perhaps- but Chan runs hot almost all the time so he has plenty of warmth to spare. "I had a few drinks."

"Yeah," Minho nods. "You went home early."

"Saw your reply to my texts this morning. I was already out cold when you sent them, sorry."

Minho's smile is wide and warm, unaffected as his roommate always is by whatever alcohol he consumes. But then Minho is always careful not to cross his own limits, because they're high enough that he can at least have a glass or two, whereas Chan's done for if he takes more than two sips.

"It's alright," Minho says magnanimously, smirking a little while he tucks his toes between Chan's legs. "I figured as much when I came home to find you fully passed out and not even waking from me opening your door to check." His smile is amused, a little chuckle following, and Chan offers him a smile of his own.

It falls again soon when he recalls something. "Hyerim asked me out," he says, because it's still a little shocking at the very least, and confusing at best. "On a date. Like, actually."

Minho's smile only widens, amusement now shining out of every inch of his features. "Yeah?" He says, grinning like he knows something Chan doesn't. "You said no?"

For a moment the silence at the table feels thick and suffocating, then Chan shakes his head and shakes off the feeling as well. "I haven't replied yet. I'm considering it, though." He bites his lip, somehow can't look Minho in the eye while admitting to these things. "I've been single for a long time. Maybe I should say yes; venture out a little." He does glance up then, hopeful. "What do you think?"

Minho's amusement has luckily filtered away by now, his expression that careful, blank neutral it always is when talk of emotions is brought up. He's not good at it, Chan knows, but he doesn't think he can really make this decision all by himself. Minho's reply comes faster than expected, though, a playful roll of his eyes and a small kick of his heel to Chan's shin.

"That's funny, hyung," Minho says, and puts the last bit of food into his mouth before pushing himself up from his seat. "I'm going to wash up and then I'm meeting Jin and Lix for some practice. There's rice in the cooker. Don't forget to eat before you go meet with Sung and Bin." A hand on his shoulder as Minho passes him by, a brief flash of a smile and then Minho disappears into the bathroom and Chan is left alone with his thoughts, a bowl of freshly made stew and more confusion than he started with.

Hyerim's call comes through when he's in the middle of recording with his two friends. He watches the screen of his phone light up and immediately loses all focus in a way he doesn't usually do when working on music. Changbin notices first, because he's not the one recording, and then Jisung does too when he gets up.

"Sorry," he says, shooting them both apologetic gazes. "Sorry, I have to take this." Jisung nods and puts the headphones around his neck, while Changbin ends the recording. Chan swipes to pick up and brings the phone to his ear.

"Hey," he says, relaxing his shoulders and forcing himself to breathe normally.

"Oppa!" Hyerim chimes on the other side of the call. "Hi! How are you? Am I disturbing you?"

"No. No, you're alright. I'm good. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm all good! I just figured. Well, you told me to ask again, right? And I thought it'd be better to maybe do it over the phone. Well, I sent the text first, but you didn't reply, so…" She trails off. "Hm, did you perhaps change your mind?" She sounds so hesitant, and Chan feels a little bad for her, but he also doesn't want to give her the wrong impression.

"I'm- I just don't know if it's a good idea?" He says honestly. "I'm pretty busy on average and I don't think I currently want to prioritise a relationship when I have so many other things going on that I really want to do well for."

There's a brief silence that he presumes must be full of disappointment for the kind girl, but he gives her the time to process and maybe say something of her own.

"Oh," is eventually what comes over the speaker, and then a brief pause before: "I understand you're busy, though. It's our last year, we're all a bit busy, and I don't mean to push, but I'm not asking for a fully committed relationship straight away. We can go out a few times, get to know each other better, see if it clicks. I understand if you don't feel like it, though, you can just say no if you don't want to."

"Oh." It's his turn to say it now, taking in her words and considering their meaning. "Well, when you put it like that it sounds a lot less daunting, honestly." He winces when he realises how those words might come across, but ever so easygoing Hyerim simply laughs on the other side of the call.

"Yeah? So let's do it?"

"Sure. Yeah. A date can't hurt. When are you available?"

In his periphery, he sees Jisung and Changbin exchange a glance where they've been obviously listening in on him, but it's not like he wasn't going to tell them about this once he figured out the right way to go about it anyway.

He ignores them for now, settling his date with Hyerim on Saturday afternoon when his schedule's still pretty empty so far, and then saying goodbye to her kindly. When he hangs up and turns to face his friends, Jisung's the first to speak up.

"Hyung, who was that? You're going on a date?"

He hums and nods his head. "Yeah, with Hyerim. She's in one of my classes. She's always really nice. She asked me out." He shows them a sheepish smile and shrugs as if to say it can't be helped. "I felt bad saying no."

"I mean, I get that, but do you really think saying yes was a better idea, hyung?" Changbin asks and Chan looks at him curiously.

"It's just grabbing a drink and talking a little, what can it hurt?" He counters, shrugging again and then nodding zt the computer screen as he takes a seat again. "Sorry, let's get back to this. We should be able to finish the top line before you have to leave for your class, Sungie."

Just like that, they fall back into their routine and the topic is forgotten for the time being.

Minho brings it up again that evening when they're both just about finished eating dinner, his roommate's eyes taking him in briefly before he voices his thoughts.

"Sungie tells me you agreed to go on a date with Hyerim," he says quite evenly and Chan looks up from his food in surprise.

"Oh," he says, a little at a loss for what he's expected to say. "Yeah. Yeah, I did."

"Changed your mind then?" Minho says, and it's such a silly question that Chan can't help but chuckle softly, somewhat embarrassed.

"Not really? She just sounded like she really wanted it, and she said it'd just be hanging out, getting to know each other, so I figured why not, right?" Minho nods slowly, eyes never leaving Chan's face and he's starting to feel a little uncertain under that look now. "Why? Do you think it's a bad idea?"

"I think you should do what feels right for you, hyung," Minho says with a dismissive shake of his head. "Just that…" Minho trails off and Chan looks at him curiously, wondering what exactly it is that he wanted to say. "Channie hyung, do you remember what we talked about on the couch?"

He makes a face of surprise at the sudden question and then laughs lightly. "You're going to have to be more specific, Minho-yah, we've talked about a lot of things on that couch. It's where my deepest introspection has happened so far."

Minho's lips curl into a smile, soft and fond, and Chan thinks they're both reminiscing all those times they spent together on it past their supposed bedtimes, talking about things that they would otherwise feel too shy or uncomfortable to talk about but that were always a little easier to speak of in the early hours of the night.

"Hyung," Minho says after a moment. "Have you really been single for a long time?"

Chan huffs out a laugh. "You've been living with me for the past nine months, Min, I think you'd know if I had dated someone. And before that we were friends already as well. I think the last time I dated was Shinhye back in high school?"

Minho blinks at him a few times, unresponsive. Then he says: "Let's go to the couch, hyung."

And who's Chan to deny him anything? Especially a chance to cuddle. If his mood is good enough, Minho will no doubt let him cling to him for a while, and Chan is more than happy to agree to such an opportunity.

So they clear away the dishes, store the leftovers away for another time, and then get comfortable on the couch with a bunch of cosy blankets and the remote within reach should they want to watch a movie or something.

Surprisingly enough, Minho pats his lap once he's comfortable and Chan doesn't think twice about immediately flopping over and settling his head down on it. Minho surprises him further by almost immediately resting a hand in his hair and starting to gently scratch at his scalp.

"So, hyung," he says then, all smooth and unaffected, like he's going to mention the dance he perfected a couple of hours ago, or tell him about Hyunjin's latest transgression on propriety. Instead what comes out of Minho's mouth next is: "Why exactly are we pretending like we're not dating?"

His blood runs cold, his muscles tensing and his eyes opening wide immediately as he turns over to look up at Minho's face. "What?"

"Dating, hyung," Minho says unperturbed. "Since you didn't change your mind but you're still going out with this Hyerim girl, I assume there must be a reason for it. Can you please tell me what it is?"

"I-" He tries to push himself to sit, but Minho's hand presses down on his chest and makes him stay put, lying there on his back looking up at Minho's utterly serious face. "What?" He repeats. "Minho, what are you talking about?"

For a moment there's silence and then Minho sighs. "You're being really insensitive right now, Bang Chan," he says, still as monotone as before. "I'm talking about five months ago when we sat here and talked well into the night. You told me you didn't think you were made for relationships because people always expect so much from you and you don't want to disappoint them but your school and your music are more important to you right now. Remember that?"

He stares up at Minho's face with empty eyes, blinking profusely as he wracks his brain for the memory. "I- No?"

This, it seems, gives Minho pause, his unaffected expression briefly faltering. "No?" He echoes, and then he does allow Chan to sit up, shifting so they can look at each other. "No?" He repeats again, incredulous this time. "What do you mean, no?"

"Minho, I can't for the life of me remember having a conversation with you like this. When did this happen?"

"After that open mic night," Minho says slowly, like he can't entirely believe he's having this conversation either. "We came home and you wanted to sit here to talk to me, then you told me all of that. You said you realised even more how you don’t want to give up any time you get to spend on your music, that you want to do things like that more, even. Then you said-"

Minho pauses, his ears slowly growing a reddish tint. "Then you said you liked living with me," he continues. "That it gives you everything you need. So I said we should just date each other then."

"But you're straight," Chan protests, frowning a little, and Minho lets out a sudden laugh.

"That's exactly what you said back then, too. Hyung, do you really not remember?"

He stares at his friend, shaking his head slowly. "I must've drunk that night, Minho. I must've had too much to drink. I remember I woke up feeling hungover after the showcase. I never remember anything when I drink too much."

Minho frowns. "Hyung, you had like… Two glasses. You were acting totally normal. That's hardly drinking too much.” A momentary pause before Minho’s expression grows concerned. “Is it?"

"I told you, I'm really bad with alcohol," he counters, slowly reaching for a pillow. "So, what? I said you’re straight but we still started dating?"

Minho falters then, truly hesitant for the first time all evening. "If you don't remember, maybe it's better if we just forget about it."

Chan shakes his head, immediately certain that he never wants to forget about something this important. “No, please, Minho, talk to me. How could I not have noticed that we were dating? You’re not- We haven’t kissed. We’ve not even- Nothing changed between us. Did it?”

Minho looks at him for a long moment, then looks away in clear discomfort. “I’m not straight,” he says then, with his eyes firmly fixed on the wall furthest away from Chan. “I’m just- I don’t like kissing, or the other stuff. I’m just-” He shrugs, clearly uncomfortable, and Chan wishes he could take away that feeling from his friend but he has no idea how. It’s not like Minho likes his hugs, apparently he doesn’t like any type of affection?

When no further words come from his friend, Chan shifts in his position so he can reach out and put his fingers carefully on Minho’s shoulder. “Minho-yah,” he ventures softly, his heart feeling lodged in his throat. “I’m just trying to understand. I don’t suddenly become another person when I’ve drunk, I just don’t remember. If I agreed to date you, I would probably do it again now, but I just don’t… I don’t understand. Can you please explain it to me a second time?”

Minho looks back at him slowly, taking him in with an unreadable gaze for a moment before he huffs out a small laugh, almost bitter, it seems. “You didn’t drink any alcohol today, did you?” He asks, joking to help keep from feeling too vulnerable, Chan thinks, but he doesn’t protest it.

“Not a drop,” he reassures. “Promise.” He squeezes Minho’s shoulder gently, before moving to pull his hand away. Almost immediately, Minho’s hands come up, taking hold of his hand before he can rest it in his lap and pulling it further towards him a little. Chan lets him hold on if that’s what he needs, and looks down at the way Minho’s fingers brush over his skin. When he looks back up, Minho is looking down at their hands as well, avoiding his gaze.

“So I don’t really… want the things most people want in a relationship. I’m good with- With just doing what we do, but then like- exclusively. So we know we’re together, we’re a team, we can depend on each other, just without all of the kissing and stuff. I explained this to you back then in more detail but I can’t right now, and then you-” Minho quiets down, clearly having trouble continuing.

Suddenly he lets go of Chan’s hand again, moving to get up. “Oh my god, I thought it was going well, that you were okay with it and that I might actually have found someone who wanted it, but you-” When Minho looks at him from where he’s standing, the moistness of his eyes is what hurts Chan the most. “You just didn’t even know, hyung. You had no idea we had anything going on whatsoever.”

There’s a derisive laugh, a huffed out thing that is more air and disbelief than anything else, but so heartbreaking in the way Chan can see Minho’s shoulders briefly slump. A rare moment of vulnerability before he draws the indifference back around himself.

“I’m sorry,” Minho says, his voice emotionlessly even. “I’m sorry, hyung, I can’t do this right now.” Chan reaches for him but Minho moves out of reach, shaking his head a few more times. “We’ll talk another time, okay? But not right now, I-” He shakes his head one more time without ever finishing that sentence and then he walks over to his bedroom door, walking through and pulling it decisively closed behind himself.

Chan is left sitting on the couch with wide eyes and a pounding heart. His mind is running a hundred miles a minute but he can’t seem to make sense of what he’d just been told.

Dating?

For the last five months, Minho had been convinced they were dating and Chan had had no idea. For the last five months, Minho thought they’d been building something together, perhaps something unusual, but something real nonetheless, and Chan had had no idea. He can only imagine how hurt his friend must be, how this is almost worse than heartbreak, because the other person didn’t even realise there was a heart to break to begin with.

Despite Minho’s words, he finds himself pushing himself up from the couch and walking over to his friend’s bedroom door anyway, knocking on it gently. “Minho. Minho-yah, please, I don’t want you to feel bad. I’m sorry. We’ll not talk about it, but I don’t want you to be alone right now. Can I do something? Is there someone who knows? Is there someone you can call over? I’ll go pick them up whoever it is, I’ll bring them to you. Can you tell me?”

There's no response straight away, and then it lasts so long he almost considers knocking again. Just as he's about to, the door handle is pushed down and Minho opens the door. He looks fine again, like nothing even happened, like it's no big deal whatsoever.

"I'm fine, hyung," Minho says, stepping out of his room and back into the living room space. "You don't have to make me your next charity case. It's all good."

The words make him frown, and then feel somewhat hurt. "You're not a charity case, Minho, you're my friend. When you don't feel okay, I feel bad and I want to help you feel better. If there's anything I can do, please tell me."

Minho rolls his eyes and pushes past him. "Let's watch a movie, hyung. You talk too much otherwise."

The dismissal isn't entirely unexpected, but being offered the chance to at least not leave his friend alone is enough for Chan to follow. Five minutes later they're back on the couch, blankets haphazardly thrown over themselves once more and a Netflix movie lined up to play.

They watch it in silence, as they always do, though there's a slight tension in the air around them. Somewhere halfway through the movie, Minho suddenly glances towards him and he looks up to meet his friend's gaze. Nothing's being said, but Minho makes an almost unnoticeable motion of his head. Chan catches it, the minute tilt, the wordless invitation. Being given said permission, he immediately moves to wrap his arms around Minho's middle, leaning in so he can rest his head on his friend's shoulder.

As expected, Minho goes limp in his hold, not reciprocating the hug, but he does let his head lean over until it rests atop Chan's, and stays like that for the rest of the movie. When the credits start to roll, Chan doesn't want to move away, and it seems neither does Minho because he makes no move to get out of Chan's hold.

"Hyung," he says instead after a prolonged silence. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"I'm thinking that I love you," he replies without hesitation. "That I want you to be happy. I'm thinking that you must be heartbroken and I never want to be the reason for that. I'm thinking that if you want to date me, I want to give it a try. Isn't that why I said yes back then?"

Minho's silent for a while again, but Chan doesn't make the mistake of trying to lift his head. He just focuses on the credits rolling across the screen and the gentle music playing behind them. Eventually Minho lifts his head again, but puts a hand in Chan's hair once more, urging him to stay where he is.

"You should go on that date you promised your classmate." Minho's voice isn't dismissive, so Chan stays quiet and listens. "I know you'd have a hard time telling her no after you already agreed anyway. I can't- I can't just tell you what we talked about last time, because there were some things you told me on your own that I think if you forgot, you should figure out again on your own as well. We'll talk after you hang out with her, okay? And if you like it and you want to keep seeing her, no hard feelings. This was supposed to be a tryout for you anyway, so there was always a chance of you changing your mind."

Minho gently nudges his head up with his shoulder then, so Chan lifts it to look at his friend. Minho's smile is soft, something endlessly gentle about him. "We should go to bed now. I promise I'm okay, hyung."

He hums, just looking at Minho for a long moment, trying to make sure that he's really okay. After a few heartbeats, Minho suddenly huffs out a laugh and gently smacks his shoulder. "Stop making me uncomfortable. You look like you're about to interrogate me. I don't know where the prisoners went, sir!"

Minho's grin and his joking reference to the movie are enough to make him huff out a laugh as well, and then he's chuckling a bit. "I'm not going to interrogate you. I'm just… worried."

"And I'm telling you I'm fine. It's okay. You didn't know, you couldn't help it. It's fine. If you keep nagging me about it, however, it will be not-fine again."

He swallows but nods his acceptance, moving away and getting up. When he offers Minho a hand to help him up as well, his friend takes it, squeezing his hand in reassurance before letting go.

"Goodnight, hyung," Minho says softly as he heads to the bathroom to get ready for bed. "Don't lie awake thinking about it, it's really okay."

The words make Chan laugh, but as the bathroom door closes behind his friend, his good mood drops and he feels the guilt surge up all over again. Still, there's nothing he can do now when Minho told him to leave it be, so he clears away the mess on the couch and then goes to his own room.

"Before hyung gets here," Jisung says the next day when he shows up suspiciously early for their music session and turns his chair neatly to face Chan's. "Hyung, do you really think it's a good idea for you to go on a date with whoever it was?"

"Hyerim?" He asks, confused. "Why?" And then, suddenly, as he looks at Jisung's worried frown, he realises. "Wait. Did you know Minho and I were dating?"

"Were!?" Jisung immediately exclaims, grabbing hold of the armrests of Chan's desk chair and pulling him in. "What do you mean: were? Are you not anymore? Hyung! What happened!"

"What happened is that I did not know, Jisung!" He replies almost immediately, sitting up straighter.

"What do you mean you did not kno- Oh. Hyung. Did you drink? Oh fuck, right, you drank with us the night of the showcase. Oh fuck, no! How did Minho-? Oh my god, Chan hyung!"

"I know!" He says, with feeling, looking at Jisung's wide-eyed disbelief and worry. "I found out last night when Minho asked me why we were pretending like we weren't dating and it came out of left field for me. How did you know? Why did you not tell me yesterday when I was talking about that date?"

"I figured you and Minho hyung had figured something out. Hyung! You did not know? But hyung was so happy and-"

Jisung seems to realise what he's saying, immediately shutting his mouth, and Chan feels the guilt rise up to grab him by the throat again.

"Sungie, I have no idea what happened that night. Minho told me a little but he was feeling too hurt to really talk about it - obviously. I feel like shit, honestly. If I'd known, I-"

He's cut off by the door opening and Changbin walking in as well. "Yo, sorry I'm late, must've been the bus. What's up?"

"Hyung, Chan didn't know they were dating! He forgot the whole conversation! He wasn't being casual about dating someone else he was casual about dating in general!" Jisung immediately says, and Changbin's face goes through the five stages of grief just the same as Chan feels all of them have so far.

"Wait, did everyone know?" He immediately asks, more confused than ever, but Jisung quickly shakes his head. "No, no, just me, Jeongin and Bin. We were out eating with Minho hyung around two months ago and he told us."

"Yeah," Changbin agrees. "He asked us not to tell anyone because you guys were still trying it out, but he said he was really happy."

Guilt immediately swirls through Chan even more violently, and Jisung must notice it on his face because he elbows Changbin in the hip nonenone too subtly.

"Oh shit," Changbin realises himself, but the damage is done and Chan feels any will he had dredged up to work on their music slip out between the cracks.

"It's not your fault, hyung," Jisung tells him, now putting hands on his knees and trying to get through to him, but it makes little difference.

Minho likes him. Minho thought they were dating for the last five months and was happy with their relationship. Minho was most likely building a future in his head with Chan. Minho-

"Jisung-ah, weren't you making plans to move in together with Minho next year?"

Jisung's eyebrows furrow in confusion. "What? No? Felix and I are going to ask to be roommates next year so I can save some more money and then we'll probably try and find a place together once we graduate. Why?"

Minho was never planning to leave him once the year is over.

A sudden rush of overwhelming relief and giddiness fills him at that thought and he exhales a heavy breath of air. Without really deciding to, he pushes himself up from his chair, moving past Jisung's reaching hands and both of his friend's surprised faces.

"I need to talk to Minho," he says. "You guys can use my computer."

With that, he's out the door, immediately running down the corridor. Luckily Minho's department isn't far, and one look at their shared schedule tells him which classroom exactly he'll find his roommate in. The professor quiets when he knocks and pushes open the door, and he peeks inside with absolutely zero shame.

"Hello sir. I'm very sorry but I need to talk to Lee Minho for a moment. Would that be possible?"

The professor looks into the aula of students, waiting for Lee Minho to announce himself. Moments later Chan sees his friend get up with a confused and worried frown, and come walking down the stairs. They both bow to the professor, Chan apologising again, and then they step outside, closing the classroom door behind them again.

"Hyung, wha-?" Minho asks him the second he turns around, but he's talking almost at the same time.

"I don't want to move out," he says, which stumps Minho enough that there's a beat of silence between them. "I've been thinking all week about you moving in with someone else when the school year is over. Maybe Jisung because you two get along and he's free of debts now, and I've been pondering what I'd do when you kick me out, but I don't want to. I don't want to leave you, Minho, I like living with you."

For perhaps the first time in the years they've known each other, Chan sees Minho speechless. His lips are slightly parted, his eyes are fixed on Chan's face, but nothing else happens. He waits the full two seconds before starting to fidget, suddenly feeling sheepish about his need to come here and say that when it means so little to Minho, perhaps.

So he decides to elaborate.

"I mean, I like you making me food and then making food for you when you're not home for it. I like watching movies together or talking on our couch. I like that you know me and I know you, and that I can tell just from your little tells alone what you want or need. I like that you take care of me and nag me to sleep when I've been slacking again. I like that you also trust me to see you at your most vulnerable, that you let me be there for you. I don't want to give that up. I don't want you to have that with someone else, either. Is that selfish? But if you're vulnerable with me because we're dating then I want that. It. Dating. You."

He stumbles through the last few words of the sudden waterfall of his thoughts, and then goes quiet again, pressing his lips together and watching Minho's wide eyes. This time the silence lasts for several beats, but then Minho starts to move. He looks down one end of the corridor, then the other, and then he focuses his gaze on Chan again.

"You can't just say things like that in the middle of a school hallway, hyung," are the first words Minho spills on the matter, sounding strangely tense, yet he doesn't look truly apprehensive. "I can't show weakness in front of strangers. You're so lucky this hallway is empty."

And then Minho steps forward, wraps his arms around Chan's neck and pulls him into a tight hug the way he's never done before. Perhaps not even with anyone else. Chan immediately reciprocates, of course, wrapping his arms around Minho's middle and holding him close, burying his nose in the crook of Minho's shoulder.

They stand like that for far longer than he ever expected them to before Minho shifts a little and loosens his hold slightly. "I had no plans of moving out, I don't know where you came up with that, but sure, let's keep living together. We'll talk about it more tonight, okay? Right now I have to get back to the class you dragged me out of - that was gutsy, by the way, this professor is usually very no-nonsense. I guess you looked stricken enough to make it seem like a real emergency." Minho grins at him and Chan sputters immediately.

"It was a real emergency!" He protests, already feeling his features shift into a pout as he looks into Minho's open and bright expression. Whatever's going on between them, at least he's doing some things right if it means Minho looks as relaxed as he does right now - and as happy.

"I'm sure you thought it was, hyung," Minho responds, but he's laughing by then and Chan only pouts more. Then there's a hand patting his cheek before he's being let go of entirely. He reluctantly lets Minho slip out of his arms, sighing deeply with the leftover relief as he watches his friend head back inside the classroom. Just before the door closes behind him, Minho glances back and shoots him the tiniest wink, and Chan barks out a laugh before he can slap a hand over his mouth to muffle himself.

When he gets back to the studio, Changbin and Jisung are in the middle of recording something, but the second they notice him, they immediately abandon the entire project to turn their full attention on him.

"Is everything alright, hyung?" Changbin asks while Jisung takes off the headphones and turns the largest, most hopeful eyes on him. For some reason he's still grinning and he can't keep the grin from widening at their worried faces.

"Fine," he says, waving off their worries. "I'm fine. Don't worry, it's all good. I love you guys, by the way." This seems to only stump them more, though Jisung doesn't hesitate a single second before replying.

"We love you too, hyung. What happened?"

"Nothing, I just… Reestablished that I want to date Minho, I think."

Jisung's entire face lights up at that, his hands immediately coming up to grab hold of Chan's arms. "Really? That's great news, hyung!"

Changbin gives him an intense look over Jisung's shoulder, though, and quietly asks: "Can I ask why?"

It stings a little, but he also knows why Changbin's asking, wanting to protect his friend from harm if Chan's only doing this out of guilt. He's known to do things he wasn't a hundred percent sure about because of it, after all, though never anything quite so impactful on someone's emotions as deciding to date them. He likes to think he hasn't sunk that low. But Changbin's a good friend, and Chan knows he'd do the same for him.

So he pulls one of the chairs closer to himself to sink down on it and tangles his fingers on his stomach. "I've been kind of stressing about him moving in with someone else when the school year's over. You know, he only asked me to be his roommate because no one else was available, right, so I-"

"What?" Jisung groans loudly, lifting a hand to hide his face in it. "Oh, I'm going to kill him. Hyung, Minho asked you first, okay? There was no option before you, we were all second to you. He told you this during that night you forgot, but he's most likely too embarrassed to ever tell you again so I'm doing it for him. You were always his first choice, he's always felt most comfortable with you."

Chan's chest does something really weird and heavy at those words, while his mouth opens just to say "oh." Then he shakes himself out of the sudden stupor (quite literally) and tries to reorganise his thoughts. "Well, anyway, yeah, I thought you'd move in with him and then when you told me that's not true I was just so relieved that it became really obvious it wasn't just about the apartment or the money, so I went to tell him that and then I sort of realised as I was talking to him that I want him to be mine." He lets out an embarrassed laugh as he says it, immediately backtracking with: "Wow it sounds so bad when I say it like that I'm so sorry. Let's get back to the music!"

He immediately turns in his chair and rolls over to the desk to grab hold of the mouse, but before he can even do so much as click on something, Changbin's hand is on his arm and Jisung is hanging over the back of his chair to hug his neck.

"It's alright, hyung," Jisung says into his hair. "We love you in all your embarrassing glory. You should buy us lunch to celebrate!"

He huffs out a laugh but agrees nonetheless, patting Jisung's arms where they rest across his chest, feeling happiness fill him up completely. Then Changbin says: "Hyung, have you cancelled that date with your classmate?"

"Oh, shit." Jisung echoes his own thoughts, a bucket of ice water thrown over his entire body.

Hyerim picks up the call after three rings and Chan chews on his cheek as he listens to her bright greeting.

"Hyerim, hi," he says a little apprehensively, though it has nothing to do with her as a person. "I'm calling because I want to cancel our date. I'd have told you in person but we're not seeing each other before tomorrow and I didn't want to blow you off on the date itself. I'm so sorry."

There's a momentary pause, but then Hyerim's voice sounds over the speaker again. "No, that's alright. Can you tell me why?"

He swallows his reluctance and then glances briefly at where his two friends are looking at him through the soundproof glass of their recording studio.

"It's, um… I sort of realised that I'm already pretty committed to someone else. I wasn't aware of this when you asked me or I wouldn't have strung you along, I'm so sorry."

There's a laugh from the other side, more amused than he thought it would be. "Oppa, it's fine. It was just a date. I can't say I'm not disappointed but you sounded uncertain enough before as well that I didn't get my hopes up too high. It's alright. I hope you and this other person figure things out."

"Thanks, I, um- I think we're going to be working on it." It feels a bit strange saying this to a total stranger, but at the same time it feels somehow cathartic. Like putting it into words makes it more real. Something tangible that won't just blow away on the slightest breeze.

"That's good! I'll be rooting for you, oppa! Anyway, I'll see you in class next week then?"

"Yeah. Yes. See you in class, Hyerim."

She hangs up after a final greeting, and he's left staring ahead of himself in bewildered wonder at how easy that was. After a moment, he shakes off the feeling and heads back inside.

"She was surprisingly okay with it. She wished me good luck," he tells his friends' questioning looks, and takes a seat behind his computer again. "Let's, uh, let's work on this for a bit now. I need to take my mind off things for a while."

Luckily Changbin and Jisung agree easily enough, distracting him from the matter almost entirely within a few minutes as they start discussing their ideas and what they'd been doing without him so far.

By the time he makes it home late that afternoon, he's indeed bought his friends lunch to celebrate, and they finished three new songs before he had to head into class. He gratefully drops his bag in the hallway and walks a straight line from there to the bathroom, already pulling his hoodie and shirt over his head as he's going.

"Oh," a disembodied voice says from somewhere in front of him when his sight is still lost in the plentiful fabric. "We're going straight to getting naked, huh? You should've warned me, hyung, I would've worn sexier boxers."

The words are said so dryly in the all too familiar voice that they have him huffing out a laugh as he finishes his motion, slipping his shirt off fully and then straightening up to come face to face with Minho in the door opening. There's a small smirk on his friend's face, one that he is so familiar with it almost makes him feel relieved to see it again.

"They say physical touch brings people closer, right? I figured it works even better when it's skin to skin," he counters. "Come here, let me hold you!"

Minho's expression already falls even when he's only opening his arms, and Chan follows his friend's retreating body into the bathroom, catching him in a hug from the side about three steps inside the door and resting his chin on Minho's shoulder. His friend hangs limply in his hold as always, but he doesn't struggle in the slightest, allowing him to stick close.

He drops the clothes from his hand so he can focus all of his attention on Minho for now, more than happy to just stand there and hug him like this.

"I cancelled the date," he admits after a few peaceful moments of silence. "She sounded okay and wished me luck."

"With what exactly?" Minho asks, and Chan can hear the teasing hint, but also the slight hesitance. He adjusts his hold a little, turning his face further away from Minho and looking at their reflection in the mirror. There, he sees the way Minho's leaning into him a little, and the almost unnoticeable touch of Minho's hand to his hip, holding him without holding him.

"You," he says. "Us. This. I told her I realised I was committed to someone else."

Minho's shoulders suddenly tense and Chan wonders if he said the wrong thing, but in the bathroom mirror reflection, Minho's hand doesn't leave his hip, even if the touch is so light he can't feel it through his jeans.

"Committed?"

"Hm. I don't know exactly what it means yet, but I am pretty serious about you. Is that okay? I mean… I don't know…" He trails off, his hold tightening briefly before he starts to let go. Surprisingly, Minho's hand leaves his hip, wriggles in between them and reaches up to take hold of his arm, keeping it in place.

"No," is all he says, and Chan understands, because Minho doesn't like being looked at when he's being vulnerable. He doesn't like being perceived in a moment of emotional difficulty. So he tightens his hold again, and settles his cheek on Minho's shoulder instead of his chin.

"I don't know what you're okay with and what not, you'll have to tell me. Do you not like commitment? Should I back off? Is it just- Just the kissing, and the sex I presume, or is it everything? Should I not do anything different than what I usually do?"

Ah, but that'll be difficult, he thinks, because now that he's thinking about it, his heart is racing and his stomach has erupted with nervous tension. A single introspective glance tells him all he needs to know: he wants Minho to like him, to want him, in whatever way that entails, sure, but he wants to be able to openly declare 'he's mine'. To their friends. To people like Hyerim. To make sure no such misunderstandings happen again - on either side.

Minho tenses up slowly again, fingers curling more tightly around his arm. He thinks it's a subconscious thing this time, as his friend considers his question and tries to make himself reply in words. Words, he knows, aren't always Minho's forte. Especially not when they're words about his own feelings.

"Just the kissing," he says eventually, tension audible in his voice as well that Chan wishes he could help with, but he can't. "Really don't like that. Especially done to me. I could probably kiss your, um, body, if you like that, but I'm not… Hm."

Chan stays very still, not wanting to startle Minho out of this precious honesty, trying to commit every detail to memory at the same time. "I don't want to have sex either, but I could touch you with my hands if you wanted it. I have to do it to myself sometimes as well, anyway. But just my hands. And I will immediately leave to wash them after, and I might not touch you again at all until you're washed too, but yeah. That's… I'm okay with that "

Minho's entire body is taut with tension, Chan can feel it stand stiffly within the circle of his arms. Cautiously, he moves the one Minho's not holding on to, sliding it from around his friend's shoulders and putting it on the back of Minho's head. A tremble of tension goes through Minho's body but he doesn't pull away, and so without ever trying to fully lift his head, Chan shifts them around slowly, until Minho's standing against him rather than next to him. Their chests are pressed together, and Chan's arm has slid around Minho's shoulders again, his other hand staying on the back of his friend's head, gently pulling it in to rest against his.

It takes a long moment, in which Chan stands and holds Minho, tentatively waiting for the response to his actions, but then Minho seems to shudder briefly with some sort of tension release before his arms come up and hands come to rest on Chan's shoulder blades rather gently.

They stand like that for a while, surprisingly, Chan drinking in the actual hug, Minho doing whatever it is Minho thinks and feels about this. Then, without a single preamble, Minho deadpans: "I'm still not doing this in public with you."

Chan's laughter comes instantly, spilling from his lips, body contracting until he's squeezing his friend against him, so much fondness bubbling up inside of him that he barely knows where to go with it. He presses his lips together, pushes down the urge to kiss Minho's skin and instead sways them from side to side a few times.

"That's okay," he says, when laughter has made way for consideration again. "Having it here is more than I thought possible. We can turn the light off next time and close the door so there'll be no proof of you actually liking me back."

Minho's breath catches, body tensing up again entirely and Chan immediately loosens his hold, afraid he did something wrong. "What?" He asks, worried. "What did I say? Did I do something? Minho?"

He does look then, straightening up and backing away until only his hands still rest on Minho's shoulders, who's looking at him in what seems mostly wonder at this point. "Back?" He echoes, and where it would usually be accompanied by a smirk and endless smugness, it's now nothing more than a genuine inquiry, something Minho clearly hadn't expected.

"Oh," Chan says, and feels a flush rise up the back of his neck - and god knows what other body parts will be giving him away. "Yeah. I thought that was obvious from the, uh, the dramatic revelation in the school hallway? I, uh- I like you. It's… hm. I'm not sure what that means yet, either. Except I want- I want you to be mine. I honestly haven't really stopped thinking about it since you told me last night; that we've been dating. I keep thinking about it and it just- It keeps sounding so satisfying in my head? We're dating. You're mine. I'm yours. That's- I want that. I want to be able to tell people that. To say 'oh, yeah, that's my boyfriend right there, he's definitely not single' and see them get all disappointed about that. Is that bad?"

Now the smirk he had expected is indeed there on Minho's face, as are the astronomical levels of smugness. "Wow, hyung, possessive much?" He asks, smug and amused, but also - Chan hopes he's not interpreting this emotion wrong, but - pleased. "You like me so much it's kind of making you look stupid, hyung," Minho says then, lips twitching with a held-back laugh.

And Chan thinks 'whatever' and 'fuck it' and more of those things that indicate he no longer cares what is thought of him as long as he can be honest, can keep this smile on Minho's face.

"Yes," he says. "I like you so much it makes me look stupid and I don't care, because you like me back and that's all I need. I'll look as stupid as you want as long as it makes you look this fondly back at me."

Almost immediately, Minho's smugness turns to surprise, but it only lasts for two seconds and then he's smiling quite suddenly, fondness nearly dripping from the expression. He doesn't say anything, but he lifts a hand and gently scratches Chan beneath his chin. "I do like you back. But it's a good idea; we'll turn the lights off next time."

Then, so briskly it almost gives Chan whiplash, Minho smacks the back of his hand against Chan’s chest and starts walking past him. "Now go shower or whatever you were planning on doing. Dinner will be ready in half an hour. You're on the clock, tick tick."

He closes the bathroom door behind him on his way out, leaving Chan standing there spluttering in surprise. When he catches his reflection in the mirror, though, and the reality of what just happens sinks in, he's grinning again almost immediately after.

He takes a seat at the dinner table exactly half an hour and five minutes later - he helped with setting the table and bringing all the food over to it. Minho's bare feet settle on his shins almost immediately.

It’s only knowing what he does now that he realises Minho didn’t start doing this until about four months ago. And when he thinks about it, there are many little habits that Minho developed over their time of living together, most of them more prominent in the last couple of months. Little signs of affection that he’d quietly started showing more openly, little things that Chan now assumes must be part of what dating Minho entails.

Dating Minho. He’s still not entirely capable of wrapping his head around the reality of it, no matter how convinced he's been talking about it. His eyes wander over his friend as if looking for other signs. The smile vaguely pulling at Minho's lips is a clear indication of his lasting amusement.

Chan watches the way Minho starts eating with great gusto, a small smile spreading on his own face as he takes in the obvious contentment radiating off his friend. It doesn't take long for Minho to glance up, though, and then raise a single eyebrow in a silent, judging question.

"You're not eating," Minho declares when he's swallowed his own mouthful and Chan glances down at his own bowl of warm food guiltily before looking back up.

"Min," he says, the nickname more of a prelude to a question than anything else. Minho seems to realise because his expression evens out and he hums encouragingly.

"What, uh- I mean…" He pauses, taking in Minho's features as he tries to formulate his question in an appropriate and understandable way. "Min," he restarts after a moment and Minho - patient, wonderful, considerate Minho, no matter how bored or impatient he may seem to anyone else - simply hums again, encouraging him once more.

He finds his gaze briefly caught on the gentle curve of cheekbones and the slightly greasy lips from the bite of food that was just consumed. When he raises it back to Minho's eyes, he feels temporarily breathless. There's so many thoughts in his head and so much emotion inside of his chest he's not entirely sure what to do with it.

"I like kissing," he blurts, which is not at all what he meant to say, but he goes for it anyway. "I mean, I might forget sometimes and kiss your hair or your cheek sometimes. I'm sorry."

Minho straightens up a little, clearly realising this is not just an offhand comment. Chan watches his friend take him in without a single change in his expression for a few, loudly thudding heartbeats, and then Minho gives a brisk nod of his head. "Sometimes is okay," he says then, like settling a business transaction. "Keep your lips closed when you do. I mostly don't like the spit."

"Oh." Chan's completely taken aback by the matter-of-fact attitude his roommate is displaying right then. "Uh. What about- What about hugs?"

"Like you could ever keep yourself from hugging me," Minho rolls his eyes like he can't believe the stupidity he just heard and then turns back to his bowl of food, taking another bite. He chews normally, but pauses when he realises Chan's still looking at him, lifting his head again, raising his eyebrow once more. Then he chews on, swallowing this bite as well.

"Hyung, what's wrong? Spit it out so we can properly get to dinner before it's cold. I put time and effort into this, the least you can do is appreciate it."

"Sorry. Sorry." Chan grins sheepishly, reaching for his own chopsticks, though he still can't take his eyes off Minho's face. After a good minute of silence, which Minho bears without so much as looking away or growing impatient once, he finds himself blurting out: "I just- I feel strange. Like it's not- Like we're not-"

"Hyung," Minho interrupts, perceptive as ever when he adds: "Do you feel like you should kiss me or something to make it official? It is to me if it is to you, you know. Is it?"

Chan blinks, trying to understand how he feels about it exactly. "I-" A pause as he really considers it, the idea of dating Minho, of considering him his boyfriend, of holding his hand and cuddling him when not in public, and being able to sometimes kiss his hair or his cheek, and- The more he thinks about it, the giddier he feels, and so it's with a silly, sheepish little grin that he admits: "I want it to be."

Minho's so casual about it, changing his chopsticks to his other hand so he can reach his free right hand out for Chan to put his left into. When he does, Minho squeezes it once, almost reassuringly. "Then it is. We're dating. You, Bang Christopher Chan, are now my boyfriend. If you try to say yes to a date with someone else again after this, I will cut off your balls and feed them to Soondoongdo, alright?"

The sudden, even-faced threat startles a laugh out of him, bright and full of delighted disbelief.

"Yeah?" He verifies, shifting their hands a little so he can run his thumb over the back of Minho's hand, grateful and fond. "I better avoid that, then. It'd be bad for their diet, I'm sure."

Minho's following smile is partly amused and partly something so warm that Chan nearly melts where he's sitting. Then Minho taps his chopsticks to the side of his bowl.

"Now eat, hyung. If you don't properly appreciate my food, I might decide to break up with you again," he says decidedly, clearly signalling that that's been enough reassurance for now.

And strangely enough, when Chan finally does look down at his own bowl of food and digs his chopsticks in to stir it briefly, he finds that it is. Whatever uncertainty that had still clung to his insides has settled now, smoothed over by the feeling of Minho's hand in his, their skins touching and Minho not even releasing their grip to take a sip from his drink.

"Thank you for the food," Chan dutifully says after he's swallowed his own first bite, looking back up at Minho with a cheeky smile. "My boyfriend is the very best cook in the whole wide world. Everyone will be so jealous when I tell them, but he's all mine."

The amused yet clearly fond smile his words bring to Minho's face are worth absolutely everything it took for them to get here, Chan thinks.

Even more so when Minho deadpans "and my boyfriend is an idiot" before squeezing his hand gently and taking another bite.