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Vash sat on the balcony, letting the sound of the city fill his ears. He was so high up, the lights looked like little stars on the ground, dancing and shimmering all kinds of colours. The wind was cold, billowing under the blonde's thin tank top. It sent a shiver up his spine.
The feeling of dried tears on his cheeks didn't help. Car honks and distant yelling was accompanied by the clink of Vash's beer bottle as he nearly knocked it over, already slightly drunk. His eyes couldn't help but drift in the direction of his apartment building as the blonde sipped more of the alcohol into his system. Maybe it'd be better if he went to bed. He wouldn't have to think about him anymore.
Quietly, to not wake his cat, Vash stood, nearly tripping over the edge of the screen door as he returned to the inside of his apartment. All of the lights were off, spare for a few end table lamps and the kitchen light where he had left the fridge open a crack. He must've been in too much of a rush to care if it closed, not like there was much in there to go bad anyway.
Along the way, he flicked off the majority of the lights, setting his empty bottle on the kitchen counter before kicking the fridge door closed. The exhaustion slowly started setting in, his shoulders dropping and his footsteps becoming sluggish. Like a corpse, he dragged himself into his bedroom, peeling the slightly sweaty tank-top off his body before resting on top of the sheets. It was too warm in his room for blankets but he was too lazy to open a window, so he simply curled up on his side and let his eyes fall closed.
Maybe he'd actually sleep if he was a little tipsy.
----
The third time his eyes flicked open, he could feel tears dotting the edges of them. The blonde reached out for comfort, like a child to their parents after having a bad dream, only to be sourly reminded he was in this bed alone. The empty space next to him made a pit in his stomach, the nauseating feeling of the alcohol about to rise causing him to sit up.
More awake now, Vash stumbled out of bed, one hand clenched around his mouth as he desperately tried to claw past the door and into the neighbouring bathroom. Unlike more unfortunate times, he made it to the toilet, gripping the seat tightly as everything he'd so desperately wanted to keep down came up. He always hated this part of the routine, but if it could grace him with a few moments of a clear, maybe even hazy mind, he'd keep doing it. Every night. Every time Vash thought about the cigarette he'd hold on his lips, the strong arms that used to hold him so close.
Once the alcohol was all up, the tears started flowing too. The blonde slumped to the side of the toilet, holding his knees as he sobbed into the bathmat, the only thing comforting his head from the hard tile of the bathroom. Vash's throat was already sore from crying earlier in the evening, and his eyes were dry and irritated.
After somewhat calming himself down, he slowly peeled himself off the floor, flushing whatever he'd spewed into the toilet before standing. Studying himself in the mirror, he was greeted by dishevelled blonde hair, dark and puffy eye-bags, and hollow blue eyes. The blonde prodded at his seemingly sunken cheeks, trying to lift the corners of his mouth into a smile to no avail. He couldn't muster even a fake smile. He was ruined.
With a heavy sigh, on the verge of tears again, he dragged himself back into his bedroom, glancing at the clock. It was nearly midnight. There was very little he could do besides sit on the edge of the bed and stare at the floor between his feet. Meryl was probably asleep, and Milly was definitely still working. The only other person he could reach out to was his brother, and that didn't seem too appealing in all honesty.
Sitting up, the blonde decided he needed to get some fresh air. He grabbed the same tank-top he had taken off, slipping it back on as well as a pair of cargo shorts. Stumbling into the darkness of his apartment, he groped the walls for a light switch to illuminate the front hall. Once successful, he slipped his sandals on, making sure to pocket his keys before slipping out of the empty apartment.
His journey onto the street was kind of a blur. He'd been so far in thought that when his feet touched the concrete of the road in front of his building, he finally came too. Surprisingly, his street was dead quiet. The only sound being the wind stirring up litter and leaves, making them dance under the street lights. Vash gave himself a moment to be mesmerized by the way they swirled and twisted across the ground, the noise almost comforting to him.
"I think I'll go this way," The blonde mumbled to himself, beginning his midnight walk. Sadly, these were quite common. Running on very little sleep was kind of his thing now. It had been like this for almost a month now, since he was dumped. The thought of it stung, the feeling of tears bubbling in his eyes making him bite his lip. There had already been enough crying for tonight, he could save the rest for tomorrow night.
For now, he simply walked wherever his feet took him, trying to exhaust himself so much he had no choice but to sleep when he returned to his apartment.
----
When Vash finally came out of his mind palace, he was in front of an apartment building. It was very familiar, but he could tell it wasn't his. The mix of alcohol and very little sleep didn't help as he tried to decipher where he was.
Standing on the sidewalk, staring up at this building he was, hands in his pockets. The blonde looked at ever window and door very carefully, slowly making his way down to the font entrance. That's when he realized. It hit him like a truck, nearly knocking the wind out of his chest.
To both his and Meryl's dismay, he caved, whipping his phone out to call the only person who'd be able to talk him out of going into this building.
"Wake up. . . please Meryl," He murmured quietly into the phone, holding it to his ear as he chewed on his nails. Vash found himself pacing back and forth, waiting for the ringing to stop and for Meryl's sleepy voice to fill his ears. When he was sent to voicemail, he simply hung up, calling her number again. He repeated this cycle about two more times before she finally picked up after the third ring.
". . . Vash? What's-" She interrupted herself with a yawn, "What's wrong? Why are you calling at one in the morning."
"Meryl, I'm outside his place. I-I was on autopilot and I guess my feet just- just brought me here-" He stumbled over his words, hand shaking a bit. This seemed to wake her up a bit more, the sound of rustling bed sheets coming from her end of the phone-call.
"Were you drinking again?" She asked, tone all too serious. Vash cringed.
". . . Yeah. . . I'm sorry, I know I shouldn’tve, it's not like any of it stayed down anyway-"
"You threw up again too?" Meryl nearly shouted, cutting the blonde off mid sentence. Although she couldn't see it, he nodded, returning to chewing his nails. A tired sigh escaped the lady on the other end.
"Are you planning on going in or do you need me to come pick you up. I can grab some melatonin on the way over to help you sleep. You could stay with me for the night if you'd like too," Vash hated how tired she sounded. He should've just walked home, but every time he glanced at the door, his feet seemed to be bringing him closer. After not responding for a moment, he inhaled.
"Sorry for calling you so late, I'll just walk home," Without waiting for her to respond, he hung up, shoving his phone back in his pocket. Although hesitant, the blonde made his way up the familiar steps, opening the door just enough for him to slip through. Like clockwork, he walked up to the buzzer, scrolling through the list of tenants before finally reaching the name he was looking for. With a shaky finger, he pressed on the name "Wolfwoood, N", watching the screen flick to a phone icon. It buzzed around a bit, probably making a similar noise up in the tenant's room too.
Vash waited with shaky hands for the other end to pick up. But he never did. After hesitantly looking between the door to leave and the buzzer box, the blonde decided he had gone too far to go home now. With the same shaky finger, he repeated the previous steps, watching the same phone icon buzz. Only this time, the other end picked up.
"Who the hell is it," Wolfwood's deep, raspy half-asleep voice asked through the shitty speaker on the buzzer. Vash froze up for a moment, hand still shaking.
"Is this some kind of a prank-"
"It's Vash," The blonde interrupted, rubbing his face to not have to look at the buzzer. Wolfwood didn't respond for a very long time, the only other noise he made was a soft grunt before the second door was buzzed open.
Without another word, Vash swung the door open, bypassing the elevator to simply run up the 6 flights of stairs he had to go up to get to Wolfwood's apartment. When he reached the top, he was panting, his tank-top clinging to his skin from the sweat. Maybe the elevator might've been a better idea.
After giving himself a moment to recuperate, he tossed his hair back out of his face, rounding the corner that led him down Wolfwood's hallway. As Vash approached the other's door, his hands started to shake again, the prickly feeling of tears starting to form in his eyes becoming very apparent.
Standing outside his door again gave him a sharp sense of déjà vu. The little scratch near the doorknob from the one time he'd hit it with a box trying to get it inside and Wolfwood had to half-ass putting the knob back in. The worn down carpet just outside the doorway where they'd spent so many nights standing, never wanting to let each other go. It brought Vash to tears as he knocked on the door, the same hollow tapping sound being accompanied by a tear falling down his cheek.
The jingle of the deadbolt being removed brought more tears out his eyes, and when half dressed Wolfwood finally opened the door, Vash broke. He cupped his own face in his hands, trying to wipe away the tears so he could speak to the man in front of him. The blonde was thankful Wolfwood was being patient with him, even though he didn't have to.
"Nico. . ." Was all he could muster. Wolfwood stepped forwards, tentatively wrapping his arms around Vash. The other was hesitant at first, but as soon as the arms were around him, he melted into the touch. The tears didn't stop, but they let him get a few words out.
"I-I'm sorry for waking you up- I don't know what got into me. . . I haven't been able to sleep the same since you left. . . and I just can't. . . let you go," The blonde choked out, head resting on Wolfwood's chest. He could feel the other's heartbeat, steady and strong, the same as he remembered.
"I get. . . that you've probably moved on. But all I ask is just. . ." Vash sniffed, wiping his eyes to try and think clearer, "I just want to spend one more night with you. We'll wake up. . . a-and I'll say goodbye for the last time. I just. . . need it. Just this once. . . please."
Wolfwood was quiet, the silence quiet enough for Vash to hear Wolfwood's slow inhale and equally slow exhale.
"One night." He finally said, stepping back to look at Vash. The blonde looked up at him from his hunched over position, his feet bringing him closer. Graciously, Wolfwood wrapped an arm around Vash's shoulders, leading the both of them into his apartment. Nico didn't even pause his movements to lock the door again, simply kicking it shut behind him. The two walked into Wolfwood's bedroom, the sheets on his bed freshly tousled. This is where Wolfwood finally let the blonde go, moving to his side of the bed. Vash instinctively followed suit, sitting on the less ruffled side. He kicked his shoes off, then his cargo shorts, and was then finally sitting on the mattress with just his boxers and tank-top.
"Come here then," Wolfwood said gruffly from his side, having been sitting with his back resting on some pillows. The only light in the room was the shimmery streetlights pouring in through the windows, and the glow at the end of his cigarette. Something about the smell of fresh smoke in the air made Vash feel comforted. He scooted across the bed, taking his place under Wolfwood's arm with his head in the other's lap. The blonde felt tears rising in his eyes as he watched Wolfwood blow a stream of smoke out of his mouth from below.
They rested like that until the cigarette was finished. Nico reached across to his dresser, pressing the sparks out before returning both hands to Vash. One rested in the blonde's spiky locks, the other resting on his rising and falling chest. Wolfwood didn't look down at him, simply gazing out the window with an unreadable expression.
"Wolfwood. . ." Vash murmured, holding the other mans' pinky that lay on his chest. This caught his attention, his dark eyes looking down at the other, "Can we. . . pretend nothing ever happened. Just for tonight," The blonde asked, feeling the fingers in his hair stop moving. Nico thought for a moment, furrowing his brow a bit before nodding.
"I suppose. . . it wouldn't hurt," He said quietly, the weight of being woken up in the middle of the night probably getting to him. With a weak smile, Vash sat up, cracking the window open to let the cool breeze into the room. It was the middle of summer, even with little clothing, the two might get hot sleeping so closely together. When he turned back, Wolfwood's gaze flicked away from the blonde's body, moving the pillows to their original position to lay down. Vash couldn't help but flush a little, trying to hide a smile.
Vash returned to his side of the bed, pulling the thin sheets up his bare legs as he scooted closer to Wolfwood. The other man glanced over his shoulder, begrudgingly rolling over to face him. When the two were both settled, they lay there looking into each other's eyes for a moment. It was strange being so close to anyone, after sleeping alone for so many nights. Vash didn't have the confidence to break the physical touch barrier that had been gently placed between their two bodies.
For a long while they lay in silence, the ambiance of the outside world providing white noise. It was Wolfwood who gained the confidence to move closer, a hand grazing Vash's cheek. The blonde flushed at the touch, even more than he already was. This drew a sad smile out of the other, his hand resting on Vash's neck to bring his head closer. He felt the slightly sticky feeling of Wolfwood's sweat coated forehead on his, watching as the other closed his eyes. The slightly choked sob that came out of his mouth indicated that he was probably holding back tears.
Vash finally moved his hand to cup Wolfwood's cheeks, shifting so their chests were closer. Hesitantly, the blonde moved a knee against the other's leg. Vash was having a hard time containing his own tears as Wolfwood melted into his touch, moving closer until they were tangled together, arms wrapped around each other with Nico's head on Vash's chest. He could feel the wetness of the other's tears against his skin, finally letting his own start to pour.
The two pressed closer together, both crying now. Wolfwood pressed the pads of his fingers against Vash's back like he was holding on to never let go, like Vash was going to up and leave right there. The blonde's shoulders shook a little, his prosthetic hand running through Wolfwood's hair to try and comfort him. He couldn't help but press a kiss to the top of the other's head, closing his eyes.
The wind started picking up a bit, making the curtains flutter out across the room. The sound of Wolfwood's wind chime jingling pulled Vash out of his tears. He remembered helping his ex hang it up, how annoyed he'd used to get at it. The blonde wondered if he'd still tie the ends together so they wouldn't ring.
A little voice in Vash's head told him this wasn't going to help, probably make things worse. Being in the same bed as Wolfwood wasn't going to help move on. But for now, he ignored those little whispers, indulging himself with the presence of another for one night. One more night.
Once Wolfwood had calmed, he moved his hands from the other's back to wipe his eyes. Vash still held him close, kissing his head again. They went quiet again, wrapped tightly in each other's embrace.
"You said. . . you just wanted to sleep. I think it's best we do that now," Wolfwood spoke quietly, his voice hoarse from the crying. His words pinged off Vash's heart, making his face twist into a small frown, but he nodded anyway. The blonde's grip loosened, allowing the man in front of him to roll over, his back now pressed against the other's chest. Instinctively, Vash wrapped his arms around Wolfwood's waist, holding him close.
Vash stayed awake for a little longer, listening to his ex-lover's breath slow as he drifted off to sleep, the tense muscles around his shoulders relaxing.
The blonde hoped he'd wake up in the morning and Wolfwood would still be there. Now it was his turn to drift off into a peaceful sleep, letting his hangups drift away to pretend like this moment was never going to end.
----
When Vash finally blinked out of sleep, the bright morning sun shone in through the still open window, the wind from last night still carrying through the air and into the white curtains. Under the sheets was warm, the breeze making the heat more enjoyable. The blonde's hair was tousled and messy, some strands clinging to his face from a mix of sweat and pressure. Even though the morning was beautiful, he did not want to wake up yet, letting the room know by exhaling a disapproving groan. Akin to a cat stretching, he extended his arms out, wapping them tighter around the sleeping body next to him.
He was fully awake now, lifting his head suddenly. He must've drank just enough last night to make his memory foggy. The sound of a wind chime ringing from the outside of the window was his first indicator as to where he was currently, the second being Wolfwood who he was tangled up with. The other man had his head on the pillow, arm wrapped around Vash's back. Their legs were intertwined, the feeling of the hair on Wolfwood's legs causing a tickling sensation. Vash returned his gaze to sleeping beauty, running a hand across his chest.
He must still be dreaming. They'd broken up nearly two months ago now, there's no way Vash had fallen asleep in Wolfwood's bed again. His sudden fussing caused the other man to wake as well, lifting his head in confusion.
"Vash. . .? What's wrong," No matter how many times the blonde heard Wolfwood's morning voice, he could never stop his heart from speeding up and his cheeks flushing a little. It was rough, slightly raspy and oh so deep. The blonde got a little flustered, opening and closing his mouth.
"Ah- N-Nothing-" His stuttering pulled a sleepy laugh out of the other as he sat up, causing all the air in Vash's lungs to be sucked out. He needed to stop feeling like this, a final goodbye was on the cusps of becoming a reality. As his memory started to clear, his flustered face dropped into a slight frown. A little part of him didn't want to leave; he wanted to stay and be like this forever, arms wrapped around Wolfwood's waist, legs intertwined.
"Ah jeez, look at the time. I'll make us some breakfast," Wolfwood commented quietly, peeling away from Vash to sit on the edge of the bed. The blonde whined in protest, gaining him an over the shoulder glance and a smile that made his heart flutter. The breeze from the window made Wolfwood's hair flutter over his head, the smoke of a freshly lit cigarette being whisked away as well.
He studied Wolfwood's tanned back, the small scars here and there accenting the strong muscles and defined shoulders. When the man stood, Vash couldn't help but let his eyes slip paste the waistband of the other's boxers, appreciating his ass before Nico disappeared around the corner. The sound of a pot being taken off the rack indicated it was about time Vash crawled out of bed as well, scooting himself away from the comfort of the mattress and warmth of the covers.
He grabbed his tank top off the floor, slipping it on for some protection from the chilly breeze. Vash hesitated near Wolfwood's slippers, debating if he should put them on to keep his feet warm too. After a short moment, he walked out of the bedroom, forgoing the foot protection to be by Wolfwood's side again.
"What are we having?" Vash asked, wrapping his arms around Wolfwood's waist from behind to watch over his shoulder. It seemed he was just making a simple oatmeal, hearty but light, to save Vash from another risk of throwing up again.
"Cement," Wolfwood teased, lifting a spoon with a bit on it for Vash to taste test. Vash opened his mouth gratefully, taking what was on the spoon to chew on it a bit before giving a nod of approval.
"Best cement I've ever tasted," The blonde fed into the joke, grinning.
"Good, 'cause yer gonna be eating this whole pot," Wolfwood's dark eyes sparkled at Vash as he lifted the pot off the stove for effect. His free hand lifted to hold the cigarette in his mouth so he could do one final drag of it before snuffing it out on the stone countertop. Vash frowned in a scolding manner.
"You shouldn't do that, it'll damage the finish."
"And Blondie is a countertop expert now?" Wolfwood asked with a grin, looking at Vash from over his shoulder. The two shuffled to the side, allowing Nico to get two bowls out.
"Get me the fruit?" He asked, tone softer than the teasing one moments ago. Vash nodded, separating from the other to grab a bag of mixed fruit from the fridge. When he returned to Nico's side, the other man had already gotten the brown sugar out and was pouring the oatmeal into the bowls. Following suit, Vash dusted the fruit on top of each, which Wolfwood then followed with the sugar. Something about this moment felt so domestic, so calm. It took Vash merely a moment to remember it wasn't going to last, his soft smile fading a bit.
"Wolfwood. . ." Vash finally spoke, once the two were sat at the table, hand in hand. The other looked up from his bowl, nodding.
"Yeah?"
"I don't want this to end."
The air in the room got tense, Wolfwood's grasp on the blonde's hand tightening ever so slightly. The jingle of the wind chime filled the silence, Vash watching Wolfwood's gaze drop into his bowl, pushing the fruit around with his spoon. He held his breath, waiting for what seemed like an eternity for Wolfwood to respond.
"I don't. . . think I want this to end either, Vash." He finally met the blonde's gaze, a desperate look in his eyes. Vash was quiet for a moment, taking in what the other had just said.
"Why did you end it in the first place? We were so happy," He finally asked, pulling his hands into his lap. Wolfwood respected the movement, resting both his elbows on the table. His expression tightened, jaw muscles flexing.
"I... got scared. That I was going to hurt you. I'm an insensitive bastard who doesn't know how to comfort anyone for shit- Fuck I don't even know why I cut it off. I just. . . you're too good for me, you deserve someone better. I haven't slept that well in weeks. The only reason I answered the door last night was 'cause I was laying in bed thinking about the lovely thing I cut out of my life..." Tears glittered in Wolfwood's eye as he spoke, even speaking through clenched teeth so as to not break down at some points. Vash was frozen in place, studying the man's face. Slowly, he realized he finally felt refreshed, although not fully well rested. The blonde had slept through the night without a single toss or turn, nestled by Wolfwood's side. He reached the hand that was once on the table, offering it to Nico.
Wolfwood took Vash's hand, squeezing it so hard the blonde nearly winced. After a few moments of more silence, Vash stood a bit, leaning across the table to cup Wolfwood's face in his hand, tilting it up so their lips could meet. The man was hesitant at first, but soon relaxed in the touch, nose pressing against Vash's cheek as he deepened the kiss. The blonde felt a hand on his neck, pulling him closer, allowing himself to close his eyes and just feel for a moment.
"I love you, Nico," Vash whispered, holding Wolfwood's jaw so they could stay close. Wolfwood smiled, letting his eyes fall close so as to not cry again.
"I love you too, Vash," The man returned the words of affection. Vash could feel tears slipping down his cheeks, but he didn't care, leaning for another kiss. It was so tender, so soft, so full of emotions and words they couldn't say out loud. When they finally separated, the shimmer in Wolfwood's eyes solidified their decisions. The blonde stepped around the table, pulling Wolfwood out of his chair to drag him back towards the bedroom, a smile on his face. Nico returned the grin, holding his hands tighter as they slipped through the doorway.
Good thing the window had been left open the night before.